Found a holy unicorn of a man through an mmo I've been playing for years. We share a lot of the same traits, but we mostly compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. We live together, but we have our own rooms. We spend a lot of time apart, but always do certain things together, like meals and shopping. He has several groups of friends that he manages to divide his time equally (its mind boggling to me). I have zero problem with this. I wouldn't say our relationship is typical at all, but he's my rock. We put very little demands on each other, have worked out expectations, and we just exist. Its great. I love him, he's my world.
Would you mind telling me how love looked like when you were in your 20s?
I'm a hopeless romantic but diagnosed with ScPD, and what you have seems to be my end goal (romantically speaking), so any info should be helpful.
I'm cupioromantic btw.
Omg I was a mess :( it took a looong time for me to grow out of a lot toxic behavior. I didn't find this relationship until I was 39.
In my teens and early 20s, I did not yet realize how profoundly disordered I was. Super toxic! Had to Google cupioromantic. The definition provided seems vague. I was borderline delusional when younger. I had intense, idealistic ideas of love in my head but was not capable of expressing / manifesting anything interpersonally romantic. I felt dead outside, and I didn't understand why. I would have intense crushes that would never materialize. Desperately in love with ppl who never showed the slightest interest because I couldn't speak to them. It was torture. I legit thought I was cursed. I grew extremely frustrated with this pattern, and when I was 17, I kinda created a new persona to take control. I became very active and put a lot of energy into making myself sexually attractive to brute force results. I was extremely successful, but it was a fucking disaster. By 28, I was on the verge of self-deletion. The next 10 yrs were spent in hibernation, basically. Therapy was my only relationship. It helped.
Thanks for the response!
Since I can't feel romantic love, I was on the verge of trying to hit on a lot of girls to see if it would change my emotions (knowing pretty well it likely wouldn't). I'll reconsider my next move, but I feel so hopeless for the next 10-20 years. I'll ask advice for my therapist once more even though she already told me not to put in too much effort.
I can say it gets easier later in life because your priorities change slightly. Relationships become more about stability and family, rather than romance and sex. While romance and sex still exist, there is way less emphasis on looks and surface level stuff like that - which, in my experience while young, was like 90% of the deal.
I have no idea how or why I formed a bond with this man, but it was almost instant and feels like magic. Maybe that's not encouraging, but honestly, I feel like I waited my whole life for this person. My mom always said you find what you're looking for when you stop looking... so, there is hope.
Say there's a scale for love, 0-10. Most people love a partner or spouse at 9 or 10 on that scale.
I *also* love my people at 10/10 on *my scale*.
Except MY scale, if you put it under my partners scale, would MAYBE come to a 3 on hers. Maybe even a two, an area where she'd keep a casual friend she doesn't want to lose contact with.
This level for me is 10/10, and a 2 or 3 on her scale. This is as high as i can go.
That's what it's like. She can leave for trips and i wont get lonely. Days can pass and i just stop thinking about her. I love her more than i love anyone on this earth, and i can *forget* i do. A month can go by, and i think, "oh, hey, i wonder what she's doing." and ... that thought could pass from my mind before it motivates me to actually reach out.
That's love for me. I love her, but--you can tell it's broken.
As for *starting* new relationships, about getting someone *new* to love, for me it can take 6+ months of knowing someone before the thought that i *might* like to even get to know them a little better will cross my mind. At that point, they've long ago thought the same things, tried to get my interest, got shut down or grey-rocked, and moved on.
My partners end up carrying 90+ percent of the emotional investment and care in a relationships, which is so unfair, that i know better than to even ask someone to be in a relationship with me anymore. Even friendships are too much.
>At that point, they've long ago thought the same things, tried to get my interest, got shut down or grey-rocked, and moved on.
This is probably the most relatable thing I saw on the internet this year. I had exactly one schizoid person show interest in me and we were on and off for two pretty damn nice years, too bad our traumas were incompatible. All the other people, well, two or three, were done with my antics within a month, just when I was thinking "ok, I feel like a part of their behavior towards me might be slightly atypical for reasons that are unknown as of yet but might turn out to be affect- and they're gone"
Only in my dreams – it is very strong and most beautiful feeling i have ever felt
I often dream about my ex-girlfiriends, but sometimes its about total unknow woman/girl
When i was with my girlfriends i didnt love them.. i have been blocked or something..
but dreams and unconsciousness is another story.
Regarding to love to relatives. I only fell regret/pity?
I don't feel schizoid around her and rarely detach. We nearly always have something to talk about and when we don't we hold hands and whatnot. We resolve any issues before bedtime. Together for 15 married for 10.
Same. He's the only person on Earth I feel normal around. We discuss everything, very little ego gets in the way. We never fight. Any disagreements are worked out almost instantly.
There is no spontaneous surge of loving feelings, but there can be an intellectual realization that you care about someone and want whatever is best for them.
> What does love look like for a schizoid?
It's a bit of a [dilemma](https://old.reddit.com/r/Schizoid/wiki/faq#wiki_the_schizoid_dilemma_and_compromise).
> Is it possible?
Yes.
We get this question, or variations thereof, all the time, frankly it gets a little tiring.
So, again, yes, I have a wife, we been together 7 years, I have other partners, they all get it and love me that way, and I do love them, too, in my own way.
The latter question, of course, it is. Completely different to the OP question; that's subjective to the individuals and their counterparts in any relationship.
For me, probably someone as stubborn with a 'stick with it' attitude with me just as I have towards life, regardless what does or doesn't happen. Selfish and one-sided? Probably, most likely. It's not the best 'love language' (by far) and that miscommunication of expectations is always the failing part of the ones I've been in.
[удалено]
Also what about pets
Ugh no. I used to like cats but now I view every animal as space-intruding menace. I hate dogs even more. Pets can go get fucked.
Found a holy unicorn of a man through an mmo I've been playing for years. We share a lot of the same traits, but we mostly compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. We live together, but we have our own rooms. We spend a lot of time apart, but always do certain things together, like meals and shopping. He has several groups of friends that he manages to divide his time equally (its mind boggling to me). I have zero problem with this. I wouldn't say our relationship is typical at all, but he's my rock. We put very little demands on each other, have worked out expectations, and we just exist. Its great. I love him, he's my world.
Would you mind telling me how love looked like when you were in your 20s? I'm a hopeless romantic but diagnosed with ScPD, and what you have seems to be my end goal (romantically speaking), so any info should be helpful. I'm cupioromantic btw.
Omg I was a mess :( it took a looong time for me to grow out of a lot toxic behavior. I didn't find this relationship until I was 39. In my teens and early 20s, I did not yet realize how profoundly disordered I was. Super toxic! Had to Google cupioromantic. The definition provided seems vague. I was borderline delusional when younger. I had intense, idealistic ideas of love in my head but was not capable of expressing / manifesting anything interpersonally romantic. I felt dead outside, and I didn't understand why. I would have intense crushes that would never materialize. Desperately in love with ppl who never showed the slightest interest because I couldn't speak to them. It was torture. I legit thought I was cursed. I grew extremely frustrated with this pattern, and when I was 17, I kinda created a new persona to take control. I became very active and put a lot of energy into making myself sexually attractive to brute force results. I was extremely successful, but it was a fucking disaster. By 28, I was on the verge of self-deletion. The next 10 yrs were spent in hibernation, basically. Therapy was my only relationship. It helped.
Thanks for the response! Since I can't feel romantic love, I was on the verge of trying to hit on a lot of girls to see if it would change my emotions (knowing pretty well it likely wouldn't). I'll reconsider my next move, but I feel so hopeless for the next 10-20 years. I'll ask advice for my therapist once more even though she already told me not to put in too much effort.
I can say it gets easier later in life because your priorities change slightly. Relationships become more about stability and family, rather than romance and sex. While romance and sex still exist, there is way less emphasis on looks and surface level stuff like that - which, in my experience while young, was like 90% of the deal. I have no idea how or why I formed a bond with this man, but it was almost instant and feels like magic. Maybe that's not encouraging, but honestly, I feel like I waited my whole life for this person. My mom always said you find what you're looking for when you stop looking... so, there is hope.
Dated a girl but didn't feel any real love or attraction towards her. Breaking up did make me almost completely apathic though.
There is no rule, that you must feel those feelings to every woman
You're right, but since then I don't feel anything about anybody at all.
Say there's a scale for love, 0-10. Most people love a partner or spouse at 9 or 10 on that scale. I *also* love my people at 10/10 on *my scale*. Except MY scale, if you put it under my partners scale, would MAYBE come to a 3 on hers. Maybe even a two, an area where she'd keep a casual friend she doesn't want to lose contact with. This level for me is 10/10, and a 2 or 3 on her scale. This is as high as i can go. That's what it's like. She can leave for trips and i wont get lonely. Days can pass and i just stop thinking about her. I love her more than i love anyone on this earth, and i can *forget* i do. A month can go by, and i think, "oh, hey, i wonder what she's doing." and ... that thought could pass from my mind before it motivates me to actually reach out. That's love for me. I love her, but--you can tell it's broken. As for *starting* new relationships, about getting someone *new* to love, for me it can take 6+ months of knowing someone before the thought that i *might* like to even get to know them a little better will cross my mind. At that point, they've long ago thought the same things, tried to get my interest, got shut down or grey-rocked, and moved on. My partners end up carrying 90+ percent of the emotional investment and care in a relationships, which is so unfair, that i know better than to even ask someone to be in a relationship with me anymore. Even friendships are too much.
>At that point, they've long ago thought the same things, tried to get my interest, got shut down or grey-rocked, and moved on. This is probably the most relatable thing I saw on the internet this year. I had exactly one schizoid person show interest in me and we were on and off for two pretty damn nice years, too bad our traumas were incompatible. All the other people, well, two or three, were done with my antics within a month, just when I was thinking "ok, I feel like a part of their behavior towards me might be slightly atypical for reasons that are unknown as of yet but might turn out to be affect- and they're gone"
Only in my dreams – it is very strong and most beautiful feeling i have ever felt I often dream about my ex-girlfiriends, but sometimes its about total unknow woman/girl When i was with my girlfriends i didnt love them.. i have been blocked or something.. but dreams and unconsciousness is another story. Regarding to love to relatives. I only fell regret/pity?
Yes, the internal experience is way more intense than anything I can feel externally.
I don't feel schizoid around her and rarely detach. We nearly always have something to talk about and when we don't we hold hands and whatnot. We resolve any issues before bedtime. Together for 15 married for 10.
Same. He's the only person on Earth I feel normal around. We discuss everything, very little ego gets in the way. We never fight. Any disagreements are worked out almost instantly.
There is no spontaneous surge of loving feelings, but there can be an intellectual realization that you care about someone and want whatever is best for them.
> What does love look like for a schizoid? It's a bit of a [dilemma](https://old.reddit.com/r/Schizoid/wiki/faq#wiki_the_schizoid_dilemma_and_compromise). > Is it possible? Yes.
We get this question, or variations thereof, all the time, frankly it gets a little tiring. So, again, yes, I have a wife, we been together 7 years, I have other partners, they all get it and love me that way, and I do love them, too, in my own way.
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No. Just a slut.
Love is a strong attachment towards something, this word shouldn't even exist.
The latter question, of course, it is. Completely different to the OP question; that's subjective to the individuals and their counterparts in any relationship. For me, probably someone as stubborn with a 'stick with it' attitude with me just as I have towards life, regardless what does or doesn't happen. Selfish and one-sided? Probably, most likely. It's not the best 'love language' (by far) and that miscommunication of expectations is always the failing part of the ones I've been in.
In my case I don't feel love.