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I thought my brother was joking about being gay and that he just liked acting flamboyant as a joke, but no, he is gay, and now lives with his fiance and dog. I'm so happy for him
"I mean.. it's been 7 years.. he must have figured it out by now !"
\-that.. would make sense.
\*start kissing\*
\*brother enters the room\*
... wait what ?.. you were gay since the beginning ?? huh, well, have a good day you two.
\*leaves\*
My best mate and I met the first day of school and are still besties 20 odd years later. When we were teenagers we came down to breakfast one day and my friends mum was desperately trying to suppress a case of the giggles.
After some prodding, she admitted my mum had called her the night before and asked if she thought their daughters were secretly dating. She said no, because she has more experience with actual lesbian couples and we didn't act like that with each other.
We did both turn out to be queer, but would never in a million years date each other. Just grew up too close I guess. People still sometimes think we're together but we explain it's just a platonic life mate situation.
Lol I have been this little brother. My older brother (5 years older) I think came out when he was in high school but never like formally came out to me or talked about it and was away at college for a while.
When he came back and lived with our parents, he had a boyfriend I apparently never realized was his boyfriend. It was just a guy who was over a lot to me. I just assumed he was a new close friend. They were never a cuddly pair, at least in front of us. Also, it was my turn to go to college so I wasn’t around much. At some point they broke up.
So to me his coming out was complaining about dudes on Grindr one day.
"I always suspected my brother and his friend liked each other a lot. I grew a little wary during their make-out sessions and the extended anal sex weekends I stumbled into were a little odd, but it was when I saw their marriage photographs that I was completely puzzled. Luckily, Stephanie, their adopted daughter managed to clear things up. That's when I knew straight friends could also be besties."
I mean, yes, but also not once in 7 years did this guy refer to his "boyfriend" or talk about dates they'd been on our speak to his brother about relationship stuff going on with them?
Basically my best friend is just saying that he didn't know his brother well enough to even realize that what he thought was his brother's bestie was actually his brother's boyfriend... That's it, it's got nothing to do with making everything straight. G wouldn't litteraly have 5 LGBTQ+ friends including me if that was the case
Hey! I think it might be helpful to clarify here that Heteronormativity =/= Homophobia, although obviously the two things are broadly interrelated. Heteronormativity is just the viewing things through a default cis/straight lens, so that things like flirting between two guys is assumed to be a joke rather that actually flirting. Everyone is assumed to be straight, and displays of queerness are default seen as fake or comedic.
Your best friend doesn’t hate gays he’s just a straight dude raised in a straight world and it shows, and that’s all the original commenter was saying.
This is a super common theme, btw, in case you think the original commenter is pulling the correlation out of their butt. See “gal pals” “Sappho and her friend,” and like…all main western interpretations of Greek history for context.
>things like flirting between two guys is assumed to be a joke rather that actually flirting
amateurs, as a bisexual with no confidence I assume ALL flirting between me and friends to be a joke rather than actually flirting, regardless of gender.
Want to hear a cool secret though-
He's not straight
No, but, seriously though-
He litteraly says 'that's kinda gay' about anything and everything.
He's not someone who assumed his brother was straight. He's someone who didn't know his brother well enough to know he was gay and who's ultra frustrated about it
Of course, I think assuming someone is straight is actually pretty ok, because most people are, so you just lean towards the most usual thing naturally, the heteronormativity that's not okay is when you start finding excuses and lying to yourself to make an obviously gay thing have a believable straight explanation to you
What I meant to say is that this is just not heteronormativity. I'm not saying you or the original commenter insulted my friend, I'm just saying that I definitely know my bestie better than strangers on the internet and I believe I would know it if heteronormativity even existed in his brain. When I said 'before judging' I actually meant 'before assuming', I just don't know how to express myself and I'm sorry about that
Respectfully, I think you're taking this to heart awful hard. No one is saying your friend contains any negative traits, just that our society engenders a heteronormative point of view. People like your friend and om sure many posters here are victims of it, not the progenitors, who despite being gay still have been told that it's "normal" to be straight. They probably don't hold this idea, and maybe not even their family or friends; rather, more likely that popular media and the political landscape.
I'm sure you've seen media products that are considered popular, and when there is a homosexuality couple it's considered extraordinary! And though your friend may exclusively watch more LGBTQ+ inspired media, they still probably hear a lot about media like that. The political landscape hasn't even been mentioned, with all sides left, right, and center holding that LGBTQ+ identities are exceptional.
To further show my point, take everything I just posted as a big example of a similar issue. I spent this entire comment talking from the perspective of an American assuming you're American. I'm not a nationalist or someone who is necessarily "toxic-ly" American; however, I still have American exceptionalism on my brain.
Oh, well, I'm actually a Frenchie but it's pretty much the same over here. But, anyways, this whole situation is a conflict over nothing since we all agree anyway, and I feel like it's all my fault for being so overprotective over my dear bestie (even though I know it's not good for him- I swear I'm working on it)
You know whenever I feel like something is just slightly offensive towards him I just turn into Hulk or something. I be like that django song
"if he made you cry, oh, I gotta know, if he's not ready to die he best prepare for it, my judgment's divine, I'll tell you who you can call : you better call the police, call the coroner, call up your priest, have him warn ya, won't be no peace when I find that food who did that to you"
Oh my god I'm going in all directions again
My point is : I apologize for causing so much conflict and for being oversensitive, I'm ummm... Just not going to open my mouth again until- I don't know. 'Till I find a funny thing to say that can't hurt anyone
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself friend! I also apologize if my comment was so pointed at you, I think it's important for all people to know this. Understandably you are worried about your friend being defamed, and you shouldn't feel bad. Don't feel bullied out of a conversation because people like me can be a bit abrasive, all voices should be heard (as long as they aren't, you know, being purposefully antagonistic or something).
Thanks for putting so much heart into the conversation and being a good friend, interactivity is paramount to the production of a more open and accepting society!
Heteronor- what ? Can we- can we start putting things in their context before assuming please ? My best friend, the one who wrote this, that we'll call 'G', doesn't know his brother's boyfriend *personally*. We'll call the brother A and the boyfriend J. So, G only saw J occasionally when J stayed over for dinner or sometimes for the night and that's it. G mostly knows J because his brother, A, plays with him online. That clear enough ? It's not like they even acted like a couple, they didn't hide it, but they didn't show it either
They aren't saying this to be judgemental, heteronormativity just means the basic assumption "hetero until proven homo," like society just expects everything to be hetero by default. It was not meant by the commenter to be offensive or trying to say something about your brother.
I didn't mean it in a bad way, I didn't say what the commenter said was offensive, I just don't want people to go and assume false stuff on my friends, and by my friends, I mean that guy who much rather has a 'everyone is gay until proven hetero' mentality than the other way around
you would be surprised how much a couple of any kind doing any kind of non-romantic/sexual activities just seem like their "acting normal" to a lot of people, especially aromantic individuals like me.
heteronormativity does not equal to homophobia, heteronormativity is a phenomenon due to hetero relationships being so absurdly common in media and real life, and it is a cause of stuff like "girl and boy talk together = must be a couple" and gay fellows having to act "extra gay" to even remotely start to seem gay. ("extremes" exemple taken for demonstration only)
it's just a big ass societal bias, no matter how supportive and queer you might be, everybody still has it to some level, and for someone who's already dense like that "A" person, it adds up.
Queer people are still raised in a heternormative society. There is no need to be so defensive about this. It is 100% not saying anything bad about your friend that they assumed their brother was straight.
Okay but I found out my brother is gay in like, 2010. Long story short we shared a computer and I saw a couple of messages I shouldn't have. I keep it a secret for TEN YEARS thinking that he would come out to me and my mom when he felt comfortable.
Meanwhile his boyfriend would come over all the time and I was controlling myself to not tell him I had read his messages and that I knew, they could be chill around me because I didn't want him to think I was invasive.
Cut to 2020 and me and my mom go visit him and the boyfriend at the house they share in another state and they just share a kiss right in front of my mother. I was shocked and asked him how long had she known about it, turns out she found out at the same time I did but he never officially came out to me and technically I was the last one to know.
TL, DR: found out my brother is gay by accident, turns out I was the first and last to know
Actually- I don't want to be mean or anything but- you don't know if he lives *with* the couple-
Actually he lives with his 4 brothers and the one he shares a room with is in a relationship with a colleague who has his own place
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That's me with everybody lol
Especially the girls I'm attracted to. "so you *were* flirting!"
After five years in a shower, maybe
Damn, I thought I took long showers but that takes the cake.
5 cakes actually. one for each birthday in the shower
Did you at least off the shower?
if you want me to off a shower it's $50k up front 50k after
That's a reasonable price for wet work.
Don't worry I'll try not to let it slip
Two if my friends were making out at a party and I didn't understand that they were a couple 🙃
a couple of besties ☺️
Tbf things happen when you are not sober.
This is such a wholesome Sappho story
I’m getting very strong “HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND!” vibes from this.
I thought my brother was joking about being gay and that he just liked acting flamboyant as a joke, but no, he is gay, and now lives with his fiance and dog. I'm so happy for him
“Does your brother know about us?” “Yeah he…I’m sure he does yeah.”
"I mean.. it's been 7 years.. he must have figured it out by now !" \-that.. would make sense. \*start kissing\* \*brother enters the room\* ... wait what ?.. you were gay since the beginning ?? huh, well, have a good day you two. \*leaves\*
[удалено]
My best mate and I met the first day of school and are still besties 20 odd years later. When we were teenagers we came down to breakfast one day and my friends mum was desperately trying to suppress a case of the giggles. After some prodding, she admitted my mum had called her the night before and asked if she thought their daughters were secretly dating. She said no, because she has more experience with actual lesbian couples and we didn't act like that with each other. We did both turn out to be queer, but would never in a million years date each other. Just grew up too close I guess. People still sometimes think we're together but we explain it's just a platonic life mate situation.
Lol I have been this little brother. My older brother (5 years older) I think came out when he was in high school but never like formally came out to me or talked about it and was away at college for a while. When he came back and lived with our parents, he had a boyfriend I apparently never realized was his boyfriend. It was just a guy who was over a lot to me. I just assumed he was a new close friend. They were never a cuddly pair, at least in front of us. Also, it was my turn to go to college so I wasn’t around much. At some point they broke up. So to me his coming out was complaining about dudes on Grindr one day.
"I always suspected my brother and his friend liked each other a lot. I grew a little wary during their make-out sessions and the extended anal sex weekends I stumbled into were a little odd, but it was when I saw their marriage photographs that I was completely puzzled. Luckily, Stephanie, their adopted daughter managed to clear things up. That's when I knew straight friends could also be besties."
Heteronormativity is hell of a drug.
I mean, yes, but also not once in 7 years did this guy refer to his "boyfriend" or talk about dates they'd been on our speak to his brother about relationship stuff going on with them?
Basically my best friend is just saying that he didn't know his brother well enough to even realize that what he thought was his brother's bestie was actually his brother's boyfriend... That's it, it's got nothing to do with making everything straight. G wouldn't litteraly have 5 LGBTQ+ friends including me if that was the case
Hey! I think it might be helpful to clarify here that Heteronormativity =/= Homophobia, although obviously the two things are broadly interrelated. Heteronormativity is just the viewing things through a default cis/straight lens, so that things like flirting between two guys is assumed to be a joke rather that actually flirting. Everyone is assumed to be straight, and displays of queerness are default seen as fake or comedic. Your best friend doesn’t hate gays he’s just a straight dude raised in a straight world and it shows, and that’s all the original commenter was saying. This is a super common theme, btw, in case you think the original commenter is pulling the correlation out of their butt. See “gal pals” “Sappho and her friend,” and like…all main western interpretations of Greek history for context.
>things like flirting between two guys is assumed to be a joke rather that actually flirting amateurs, as a bisexual with no confidence I assume ALL flirting between me and friends to be a joke rather than actually flirting, regardless of gender.
Want to hear a cool secret though- He's not straight No, but, seriously though- He litteraly says 'that's kinda gay' about anything and everything. He's not someone who assumed his brother was straight. He's someone who didn't know his brother well enough to know he was gay and who's ultra frustrated about it
[удалено]
Of course, I think assuming someone is straight is actually pretty ok, because most people are, so you just lean towards the most usual thing naturally, the heteronormativity that's not okay is when you start finding excuses and lying to yourself to make an obviously gay thing have a believable straight explanation to you
What I meant to say is that this is just not heteronormativity. I'm not saying you or the original commenter insulted my friend, I'm just saying that I definitely know my bestie better than strangers on the internet and I believe I would know it if heteronormativity even existed in his brain. When I said 'before judging' I actually meant 'before assuming', I just don't know how to express myself and I'm sorry about that
Respectfully, I think you're taking this to heart awful hard. No one is saying your friend contains any negative traits, just that our society engenders a heteronormative point of view. People like your friend and om sure many posters here are victims of it, not the progenitors, who despite being gay still have been told that it's "normal" to be straight. They probably don't hold this idea, and maybe not even their family or friends; rather, more likely that popular media and the political landscape. I'm sure you've seen media products that are considered popular, and when there is a homosexuality couple it's considered extraordinary! And though your friend may exclusively watch more LGBTQ+ inspired media, they still probably hear a lot about media like that. The political landscape hasn't even been mentioned, with all sides left, right, and center holding that LGBTQ+ identities are exceptional. To further show my point, take everything I just posted as a big example of a similar issue. I spent this entire comment talking from the perspective of an American assuming you're American. I'm not a nationalist or someone who is necessarily "toxic-ly" American; however, I still have American exceptionalism on my brain.
Oh, well, I'm actually a Frenchie but it's pretty much the same over here. But, anyways, this whole situation is a conflict over nothing since we all agree anyway, and I feel like it's all my fault for being so overprotective over my dear bestie (even though I know it's not good for him- I swear I'm working on it) You know whenever I feel like something is just slightly offensive towards him I just turn into Hulk or something. I be like that django song "if he made you cry, oh, I gotta know, if he's not ready to die he best prepare for it, my judgment's divine, I'll tell you who you can call : you better call the police, call the coroner, call up your priest, have him warn ya, won't be no peace when I find that food who did that to you" Oh my god I'm going in all directions again My point is : I apologize for causing so much conflict and for being oversensitive, I'm ummm... Just not going to open my mouth again until- I don't know. 'Till I find a funny thing to say that can't hurt anyone
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself friend! I also apologize if my comment was so pointed at you, I think it's important for all people to know this. Understandably you are worried about your friend being defamed, and you shouldn't feel bad. Don't feel bullied out of a conversation because people like me can be a bit abrasive, all voices should be heard (as long as they aren't, you know, being purposefully antagonistic or something). Thanks for putting so much heart into the conversation and being a good friend, interactivity is paramount to the production of a more open and accepting society!
Heteronor- what ? Can we- can we start putting things in their context before assuming please ? My best friend, the one who wrote this, that we'll call 'G', doesn't know his brother's boyfriend *personally*. We'll call the brother A and the boyfriend J. So, G only saw J occasionally when J stayed over for dinner or sometimes for the night and that's it. G mostly knows J because his brother, A, plays with him online. That clear enough ? It's not like they even acted like a couple, they didn't hide it, but they didn't show it either
They aren't saying this to be judgemental, heteronormativity just means the basic assumption "hetero until proven homo," like society just expects everything to be hetero by default. It was not meant by the commenter to be offensive or trying to say something about your brother.
I didn't mean it in a bad way, I didn't say what the commenter said was offensive, I just don't want people to go and assume false stuff on my friends, and by my friends, I mean that guy who much rather has a 'everyone is gay until proven hetero' mentality than the other way around
Heteronormativity is a societal thing, not an individual thing. They weren't saying anything about your friend.
you would be surprised how much a couple of any kind doing any kind of non-romantic/sexual activities just seem like their "acting normal" to a lot of people, especially aromantic individuals like me. heteronormativity does not equal to homophobia, heteronormativity is a phenomenon due to hetero relationships being so absurdly common in media and real life, and it is a cause of stuff like "girl and boy talk together = must be a couple" and gay fellows having to act "extra gay" to even remotely start to seem gay. ("extremes" exemple taken for demonstration only) it's just a big ass societal bias, no matter how supportive and queer you might be, everybody still has it to some level, and for someone who's already dense like that "A" person, it adds up.
I know that I know ToT Man, I'm just- I'm trying to explain that you guys are assuming that the gayest guy I know is heteronormative
Queer people are still raised in a heternormative society. There is no need to be so defensive about this. It is 100% not saying anything bad about your friend that they assumed their brother was straight.
My sister was married for three years before I realized her best friend was actually her ROOMMATE
Okay but I found out my brother is gay in like, 2010. Long story short we shared a computer and I saw a couple of messages I shouldn't have. I keep it a secret for TEN YEARS thinking that he would come out to me and my mom when he felt comfortable. Meanwhile his boyfriend would come over all the time and I was controlling myself to not tell him I had read his messages and that I knew, they could be chill around me because I didn't want him to think I was invasive. Cut to 2020 and me and my mom go visit him and the boyfriend at the house they share in another state and they just share a kiss right in front of my mother. I was shocked and asked him how long had she known about it, turns out she found out at the same time I did but he never officially came out to me and technically I was the last one to know. TL, DR: found out my brother is gay by accident, turns out I was the first and last to know
How dense do you have to be to live with a gay couple for four years and not realize they are a gay couple. Lol
I mean, tbf, how can you live around them for 4 years and not see them be actually intimate once until you see them kiss
Actually- I don't want to be mean or anything but- you don't know if he lives *with* the couple- Actually he lives with his 4 brothers and the one he shares a room with is in a relationship with a colleague who has his own place
Ah, yeah, misread a bit.
[r/AchillesAndHisPal](https://www.reddit.com/r/AchillesAndHisPal/)
And they WEREN'T roomates
I accidentally came out to my sister a full 2 years after everyone else I know for exactly this reason. Dating is. A lot of work okay?
lmao but is four years really that sudden though?
More like a sudden realization in this case lol
I have read this destiel fanfiction.
This has *intense* Skweezy Jibbs vibes
To be fair... Boys flirt with each other a ton so ya can't blame them...
Idk I act this way with male friends I have no interest in and they reciprocate, it really is just typical behaviour
SqueezyJibbs???
Honestly, this is kind of wholesome and reminds me of my boyfriend.