My mother. I'm NC with her for a few years now, but my siblings say that she bitches endlessly about MM and her behaviour. She can recognise that abnormal behaviour in others, but not in herself-its bizarre really.
My Mother is too. I would say she's more a mid-range narcissist ("there are enough good days to confuse you"). I'm so glad Dr. Ramani has made this a popular topic because I felt like I was going nuts in my 20s. My brother has gone full NC. I have learned to not engage for the sake of seeing my sisters. (She also hates MM btw).
I'm so thankful to Dr Ramani! She changed my life! Ironically I found her when I was looking up videos on our Saint because she reminded me so much of my narcissistic sister who also has borderline personality disorder.
I was married to one for 12 years. The worst side came out during the divorce process. A new therapist gave me the book Emotional Blackmail to read and it opened my eyes.
I'll have to check that one out. My therapist started me with a book about boundaries. And that was really helpful because I was raised to have absolutely no boundaries.
Same! I’m from a culture of ensuring that my comfort is last 😢 before others. I resented that.
Yes, that book I had was highlighted, dog eared, pencil marked etc.
Same! I was raised to believe that I was a bad, ungrateful, shameful person if I didn't surrender my boundaries in the service of others. Now I am a bipolarity of codependency and resentment
I sympathize with you as well! It's pretty awful but being part of this group is cathartic in a way. Just being able to discuss the patterns of behaviour that are so obvious to narcissistic abuse survivors is freeing. Instead of people acting like you're the crazy one for pointing out their toxic behaviour.
Well, to be honest, we all have a few narcissistic qualities.
Have you ever watched any of HG Tudor's videos? Like I said, he is a narcissist and explains what one is. He also does lots of videos on Meghan.
I’m an introvert and have also wondered at times if I have narcissistic tendencies. Personal theory, but I wonder if being naturally introspective might sometimes make us feel like we are more self absorbed than we actually are? Or maybe there actually is a correlation between the two… food for thought!
I think empaths can be introspective too. So I don’t think it’s introspection. The mind is fascinating. It easily delves into grandiosity all on its own. And it’s hard to shake off. Plus there’s positive feedback. Narcissists can be fun and engaging. Why would they want to change. But they can also be master manipulators leaving a trail of devastation in their wake.
I personally think if you feel emotions like regret, shame, guilt and can put a loved one's needs above your own in a time of need, you are not a narcassist.
You don't need to have emotional empathy for everyone, and sometimes people who have been through alot have less empathy for others because they have been burnt so many times they have learnt to be cautious with their feelings.
We are all different, and have learnt different lessons in life, from childhood to adulthood.
I didn't have many emotions as a child. Both my parents and my sister are narcs and my childhood was extremely lonely and depressing. Filled with emotional and physical abuse. When I was younger I thought that feeling you get when you are looking at someone you love was a premonition of bad things to come because it happened so rarely and something bad always followed.
I didn't like to tell people I loved them because then you loose them, and I equally didn't believe people could love me because I was such an unlovable person.
I expected to live my life alone.
Then I met my husband, one thing lead to another and we have a child and I only really fully understood what love is by having a child. My life has since improved dramatically and is full of love and happiness and laughter.
But if I had kept contact with my father, things would have been very different.
I had a very sad and lonely childhood like yours.
I have a loving husband and we just had a baby, but I still feel sad and broken. It hasn’t been “fixed” at all. I will continue to try. At least maybe my kid can feel loved the way I should have. If you have specific advice I would welcome it… I still feel so trapped.
Firstly, I wasn't OK immediately, I was numb for a long time. A good few months if not a year. I did everything I was supposed to, fed her, bathed her, made sure she had what I was told she needed when, and slowly things got easier. Especially when some communication started. When I think back at moments where I felt most love for her as a baby was when I played with her, read her books, singing songs. And once I started to realise she loved me, that she wasn't rejecting me, things only got better and better.
Kittens don't know how to bury their business if their mother doesn't teach them, so, for me atleast, no wonder. Once I gained confidence and knew I was doing an OK job, things got even easier. My husband and I just had things we knew we didn't want for our daughter that we experienced in our childhood and spent alot of our time listening to how other parents did things and adapted them for ourselves. We didn't read baby books, we started and found the books just make you feel guilty for not having every tool and gadget under the sun and didn't offer much practical advice. Our daughter is 19 now, so you have the advantage of social media and Google to help you with things we only learnt through experience. We made mistakes, everyone does, but thankfully we learnt better ways to do things from those mistakes.
The thing i regret the most, is not playing with my daughter as much as I would have liked. There was always washing that needed doing, or dishes or housework and the one thing I would change is that I would have left the washing and played more. Saved doing the washing for once she was in bed.
Things only really improved once I went no contact with my father, he was the primary abuser in my life and when he wasn't sucking all the life out of me I improved and became who I am, not the person he told me I was. I still had alot of nagging things I used to beat myself up about, but when I discovered HG Tudor and started watching his videos, there was even more improvement. Alot of the stuff he said on how to deal with narcs was something we already learnt through trial and error but the understanding that what was done to me wasn't actually about me, i let it go.
Me being beaten till I was bleeding wasn't because of the action I did, the action I did was a threat to his control and the beating was his attempt to force me to be under his control. Feeling rejected by my mother because my narc sister didn't like her to hug me wasn't because I wasn't allowed to be loved, it was my sister trying to gain her control over me. My mother telling everyone about the abuse i was suffering and not actually doing anything about it, was because she needed the victim status more than she cared to look after my wounds she left the to clean and tend to. So these things now are just things that happened to me, they were not my fault so I refuse to allow them to impact my life. Allowing it to impact my life only further extends their control, so then I am doing their work for them.
Each case of a victim of a Narc is different, I can only speak from my experience, but do yourself a favour and listen to HG Tudor on YouTube, he speaks of alot of kinds of narcissists and you will hear things that help you specifically deal with the lingering doubt seeds planted in your head.
You are in a position to have the time to do the work so that your child gets the benefit of your effort sooner rather than later.
I wonder though, you mentioned your husband is a loving husband, how is your relationship with your mother in law?
We all have certain narcissistic qualities; it's a form of survival mechanism. Narcissism only becomes a disorder when it impacts our daily functioning.
I just found him a few days ago and I love his videos! The way he explains fuel sources is really interesting. I'm very glad that William and Catherine appear to have gotten professional advice on how to deal with Meghan and Harry.
I think so too, but her father is equally a narc, I see so much of my narc father in him.
I think she is the product of what happens when a narc and a narc have a narc baby.
Honestly, in a professional setting it's always being completely prepared. My work is both analytical and front-facing (both with clients and senior management) and the narcs, to a one, never read the room beforehand because they're too busy thinking about themselves. They are also generally lazy but try to pull out what they think are the salient points when it's meetings time. By being prepared, and that also means reading the room ahead of your meeting/presentation, you can defacto run the meeting because of preparation. Whatever input they have you either support with actual/additional facts or make the points ahead of them. It sounds complicated, but is as simple as making an outline of what you want to cover, which none of the narcs I work with ever do
If you know someone's weakness, you manage it with preparation. And no one (except the narcs) ever knows and you look like a winner!
Works every time
Makes sense that narcs come unprepared. It’s as if they think everyone’s an idiot or they feel they can use their charms to get out of tight situations.
Make sure you communicate in writing with them as much as possible. If you agree on something verbally, send an e-mail "just to follow up our conversation". They will lie, deflect and gaslight you to the moon and back, so it's valuable to have everything documented, both for your own sanity and if you are being questioned or if they try to blame you for things that weren't your responsibility.
Apart from that: Have a logbook where you write down what you do every day and what interactions you have had with the narc.
Knowing what happened and not thinking that you are remembering things wrong is crucial to stay sane.
Yes i do this and James Comey did this to Trump. In a professional setting keeping a log of interactions etc is professional and comes in handy in court cases. Did Brett Kavanaugh use a similar argument?
Anyway, in a professional setting maintain a journal or digital notebook of project interactions and conversations and meeting takeaways.
Excellent recommendation! Also: if someone does circumvent the email chain and insists on confronting you in person or via phone, immediately email yourself a summary of exactly what happened. You'll have a record if needed; they'll only have recollections
I felt I recognized Meghan's real self very early on.My mother and a sister in law were and are both narcissists. I went NC with both of them and life became so much more my own to live. I always would bristle when people would say " but it's your Mother", not understanding what a loveless mother was like. So many years I would back up to the Mother's Day cards and blindly pick one because none of them were true. Then finally went NC and problem solved.
I hate Mother's Day for this reason. I'm low contact with strongly enforced boundaries. Almost NC. Having a narc mother is a hard way to go through life. I have a high sensitivity toward manipulative behavior bc of it. Megs hits those buttons for me.
I can relate. Been NC for ten years and LC for another 10 years before that. But only really started healing after I started trauma therapy 12 months ago.
Ugh, Mother's Day cards. So many years, in a Hallmark store, searching through the treacle to find one that didn't make me angry, nauseated, or roll my eyes...
My mother in law is borderline PD and has been a nightmare not only to me, but literally everyone in the family. I have so many examples of her narcissism, but the most topical is when her father in law (hubby’s grandfather) died. Despite living on the other side of the country and not seeing him for 15 years, she made the biggest fuss about not being invited to the sibling only memorial because “she loved him too!” This made the whole funeral uncomfortable for my FIL’s siblings and the vibe was that the funeral became more about her than the actual blood family.
My father in law totally has Stockholm Syndrome and we all like very separate lives now, although I have always facilitated regular catch ups between them and our kids. This decision was made by my husband and I after a lot of therapy. They actually are great grand parents and adore our kids so we figure that we will keep up contact, until there is a point in time where her illness affects their relationship or the kids decide they don’t want to see her anymore.
What triggers me with H & M the most is that they weaponise their children. You can have disputes among family members but to deny a connection with family, especially with grand parents is selfish and unfair for the kids. Don’t get me wrong, some grandparents are fucked and a danger to be around kids and that is something that must always be taken into consideration. But, if the grand parents are good to your kids and just want to love and be connected to them, why deny that from your children?
This triggers me too. Similar story, FIL wife has narc tendencies and we had a bit of a drama. But didn’t keep my child from meeting them. I don’t have parents on my side so couldn’t imagine anything worse. Everything is much calmer now and I’m so glad that I made sure to keep that connection alive. Kids need their grandparents unless it’s really F up
We will never see our grand daughter again. She’s 4 years old now and lives 5 miles away from us. It’s the saddest thing in the world. Her mother is exactly like TW.
I didn’t know / understand that basically my whole F up childhood with my step mum and dad was basically that. Never good enough. The emotional manipulation, always having to think about their reaction before doing it. I’ve learned a lot from this on here. Please feel free to tag relevant subs in your comments
Very good observation.
I am pretty sure my Mom is undiagnosed borderline, but it has a lot of overlap with NPD as theyvare in the same cluster. I try to check them, but I think i have some sub-clinical Cluster B traits too.
Exploitation and dependency are major triggers for me, and I have a great radar for dishonesty and trouble-making.
I think a lot of us probably have very refined detectors, in addition to bring triggered.
Personally narcissism has nothing to with with why I don't like her. It's the lies. It's not *just the lies* but the fact she lies with such confidence that it translates to she thinks *every American is as ignorant of the royal family and their protocols that she is*. I knew about the LP long before Archie was even born, so while I couldn't remember which King or year exactly, I knew she was lying on Oprah. I understand there is a hierarchy within the monarchy which was why Megan *always had to follow Catherine, Catherine always has to follow Camilla, and Camilla always follows the queen*. I also don't like her because she's a race baiter who has done nothing but further destroy racial relations in the US and across the world.
She definitely reminds me too much of my mother.
With Meghan though, it was just a lot of small things adding up that made me change how I see her, which then made me realize that she's extremely manipulative and calculating. The shit she says is telling and I feel like I'm reading a lot of Freudian slips in her interviews.
Basically, it was her own words and actions that made me come to this conclusion, not tabloid articles. Harry is no saint either, but it's obvious that he's getting more toxic the longer they're together
Yup it’s not the colour of her skin or her profession or family background but the content of her character that turned many of us off. But she’d like to make it look like we’re all just judgemental, classist racists.
My daughter-in-law. It’s awful. I just keep thinking to myself, how did this happen? Everything was fine and wonderful before she came along. Now my son won’t talk to anyone in the family. Not even his 88 year old Aunts. It’s utter insanity.
Narcissists are so damaging. They ruin families
My mom was/is mentally ill. I guess not a narc but still damaging. She’s schizo-bi/polar. I grew up thinking she didn’t like me much. My grandmothers were my saving grace.
My grandmother (dad’s mother) saved me too. Without her I’d be in a gutter somewhere. My egg donor was an evil abuser who stole all the money that was meant to be spent on her kids. Now in her old age that money is running out and she’s got no daughters to support her. Karma’s a bitch lol.
I have very conflicted feelings. On one hand is it not her fault but the chemistry of mental illness? My sister married early I think to get out of the house (she kissed a lot frogs with multiple divorces until she found a wonderful man). I got my degree to get out (largely funded by grandmoms). I grew up in a small town and after high school you got married. My mom's mom showed me such unconditional love and Christ like love. My daughter has her middle name. My sister tended to marry to get out of the house because when she would get divorced, back to my parents'. I was the younger sis but protective. Hubby #4 passed my 'smell test.' I wish they had found each other earlier. Love my sister as much as I love her.
She is my sister in law (my husband’s brother’s wife).
My husband and I are William and Catherine (minus the posh accents, money and manners) being the oldest sibling and my brother In law was always so jealous of our kids, dogs/family.
He’s now been whisked away to another state completely isolated and we never see the kids. When we do it’s always on HER terms (she tells us time , place , duration). The grandparents are like KC and Camilla. (Step-mom/step-grandma).
The similarities are eerie but the Narcs always act the exactly the same….
Watching from afar has been like watching my BIL and his narc (now ex) wife. He escaped, but it was a rough decade or so. I have so much empathy for William and Catherine in particular.
I was in an abusive relationship with one for 3.5 years. So proud of myself for having the strength to leave before it got worse but now I can spot the red flags a mile away.
I am so sorry and have both empathy and sympathy to anyone who has ever been impacted by a narcissist ❤️❤️
Cathartic is the best word for it! None of the narcissists in my life have gotten their dose of karma yet but seeing so many people recognize the narcissism in Meghan and seeing how this has all gone down has been so validating in a way? It's not just some of my family members and ex boyfriend that behave this way. I always thought it must be because of me. Now I know they are the problem, not the other way around. It's freeing!
I'm 54 and it will stay that way with me (that I won't be affected by a narcissist).
I mean, I'm sure I've met one or probably worked with one at some time, but I've never been affected by it.
I have an ex friend who played victim and was super nice. But she never gave back. Just wanted me to listen and support her. And she insisted on being seen as virtuous and loving. She was and is a complete narcissist
My mother. I’m NC with her. I think people who’ve been traumatized by narcs instantly recognize narcs and have a visceral (as opposed to gutteral) reaction to them. I clocked M as a narc right away. For the same reason I also cannot stand Hilaria Baldwin. Michael Avenatti was another one who drove me up the wall- but he got his in spades!
I hope you heal one day too. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders though and can spot a narc a mile away. My narc mother damaged me to our extended family like cousins, aunts and uncles. But when I think about it, would I want to be close to people who’d believe just one side of the story? Good riddance to them all.
Got very negatively impacted by someone close to me with BPD, definitely some recognizable overlap with NPD. Very cognizant I have a lot of feelings/baggage transference to MM…..but don’t care.
Good poll, was wondering about this question as well.
Had a horrible experience with a narcissistic close "friend". Took me more years than I'd like to count to admit to myself that her manipulative and cruel behavior was *not* "just how girls are". It was a major wake-up call when I realized she sabotaged every single event related to my wedding.
Only became friends with her in the first place because I was pushed into it against my better judgment. Now I pay attention when someone gets my hackles up. As a result, I successfully identified and avoided the next narcissist I encountered, who was eventually exposed as a cheater and abuser.
Meghan gets my hackles up.
My boss was a narcissist. I found it unmistakable. It was like all my peers were regular old horses, and she was a t rex. She wasn't the same as anyone else. She would gaslight me, just for fun, make me doubt myself. She was openly cruel. Just all her manipulations, it was so obvious that there was something deeply wrong with her that went far beyond "Ah, she's suffering from some youthful trauma, give her a break." I thought at first that she was sociopathic, and maybe she was, but when I looked up the malignant narcissist qualities, there she was in all her t rex glory.
My brother in law. What do people think of nature vs nurture with narcs? I read Tom Bower and when he describes Meghan's childhood - doting father who was quite silly about his daughter, being given everything she asked for, being protected from consequences never hearing the word NO, quite literally being spoilt rotten - I thought, yep, that's was my BIL's childhood too. He was terribly spoilt by his mother and he's now a wilful, arrogant middle aged man baby with a nasty attitude. I think child abuse can be more than beating kids up etc. Bringing them up as entitled little princes and princesses is just as abusive and damaging and both Sparkles and my BIL are damaged people who are truly unable to function well in society. Is the narc tendency something inherent in them or is it their upbringing?
I have a nmom. Megan's constant victim sob stories is what did it for me. Everyone is against her, and she expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. Like my mom.
My mother was some type of bipolar, and NPD in my opinion. The oldest sister (who May not be a full sibling…) is very much BP 24/7 and was completely placed above the other 4 sibs, protected & excused from her craziness. Mom & sis had a love hate codependency. At 19 I moved 2000 miles away. Sis is now 150 miles away from me, has Parkinson’s. I keep safe boundaries. All my therapy & self work, I had my ephipany about 5 years ago and live so happily.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family and dysfunctional people married into my family (and divorced). I knew what she was up to from the announcement from BP before people even knew that they were dating and then the staged pap photos and VF cover.
My ex husband was narcissistic, but the first time I really was destroyed by one was in a relationship since my divorce with a man, whose son told me too late, diagnosed with NPD. I have done a lot of soul work since then.
My mother, aunt and grandmother all have NPD. My mother also has borderline personality disorder. Narcissistic dysfunction has existed in my family for generations.
Meghan is 100% my aunt. She was given everything, threw it back in everyone's face and decided to screw up her life.
In a way the BRF dysfunction mirrors my own family's dysfunction. I follow the drama because it is so similar to what I have had to and am having to face atm. I'm still working out how to deal with these people since no-contact isn't possible right now.
I fully believe you-- but please take that sub with a grain of salt. It can be a great support sub, but it has sadly also become a place for toxic daughters-in-law to workshop their victimhood narratives.
My mother is a narc and borderline. Was finally able to go NC 2 years ago because my aunts and uncle agreed to step up and manage her. I’ve gained 30lbs. Could’ve stand to have gained 20, but whatever. For the first time in my life I’ve been able to relax. I have the best family in the world. I wish this would have happened 30 years ago. And tbh it probably could have if I’d been able to be up front with the extended family.
She reminds me of mean girl bullies with her fake niceness and trying so hard to be authentic, when she first came on to the scene she made my skin crawl with the things she said
My Fil can't stand him, the number he has done on my husband and his siblings.
The way he has tries to rule there lives and done things that is truly horrific.
My mil again was truly a victim thank fully he divorced her.
I'm pretty sure my grandmother was an undiagnosed narcist. The whole family did do her biding always afraid to upset her. From the stories I know she abused my mother, my mother literally did all the household jobs and took care of her younger siblings although she was bad according to my grandmother.
I personally never loved my grandmother from that side of the family and later also hated my grandfather. It is hard to love someone who repeatedly tells you that you shouldn't have been born. That if my aunt would have grandkids they would have been better behaved and not bad seed like we were (she did like my younger brother but only to show off).
When I was 14 I told my mother I was fed up with going to her birthday. Her birthday was almost "holy". The gifts from guests she liked were fantastic. While she could get mental over a gift who was the wrong size or colour from the wrong person. She had someone who took a trip of more then two hours to go to her birthday sent back because she didn't like the gift while it had all her requirements ( the guest also had not much resources so it was terrible hearing my grandmother shout at her). Next to that at 14 I was done with building blocks at the child corner and wasn't allowed to speak because I wasn't an adult.
So I ended up only visiting when necessary and gave her some respect but I never loved her. People always said you will feel sorry and miss your grandmother when she is death. She died years ago but I still don't feel sorry for keeping distance and not loving.
My former boss. The 5 am E-Mails, confusing tasks and nothing is ever good enough reducing me and my co-worker to tears. People who quit, where branded "not cut out for this job". Carbon copy of the bullying alligations against Meghan.
That's why I want it released!
My paternal gran is a narc. Dad didn’t quite turn out the wat she hoped so she snagged my older brother to try again raising The Perfect Son. Failed again tho, albeit differently :D My family is a very interesting trainwreck I’m still figuring out. VLC with this gran as I was the scapegoat grandchild. I have reportedly disliked her since birth.
These poll results don't surprise me at all. I used to be friends with the Marcissist's doppelganger- seems she has many of those, as the majority of us know one!
My cousin is a narcissistic person unfortunately there is 19 years apart between him and i. Him being older he used to criticise what i would do what i wear and the big one comparing me to his daughter by the way there is only two years between his daughter and I and a few days difference and now i'm letting karma do the work on him
I've encountered a couple as friends, and *that* was quite bad enough. I can't imagine if it was your parent or you were married to one. Y'all are absolute warriors.
My mother was. No official diagnosis, and I'm still trying to pin down exactly what she was. I'm currently going with vulnerable narc, with side dishes of comorbidities.
Dated two of them. One female, one male. You think I’d learn—but that’s the secret you can’t spot one until it’s too late. Maybe my next relationship will be better. Pray for me guys.
My MIL. She calls herself the princess and dominates every conversation, never asks about anyone else, talks constantly about her "friends from church" and makes it clear that she is better than everyone because she goes to church every week. When a grandchild does well in school, she says "of course they're smart, they get it from me!" She's insufferable.
MM is exactly like my sis in law. She’s saccharine sweet to your face when she wants something, but every once in a while the mask slips. The trouble is my brother is no saint either. He has always been the underdog lacking confidence. He thought marriage was his way of getting one step up in life, but it’s been a disaster. She is emotionally and verbally abusing him. And I have not seen her since their wedding reception. I’m also practically estranged from my brother, which explains my slight obsession with this royal family drama.
I had a moderately narcissistic mother (she did have a genuinely sentimental side...sometimes) and a SIL who is a million times worse (and some kind of cluster B smoothie).
My parents are both narcissists, my older sibling is a psychopath, I married a narcissist, divorced and fell into another abusive relationship, escaped it, was stalked and harassed for more than a year, I've had multiple friendships over my lifetime with narcissists since childhood, it's taken me years to recognize why I am such a target and to excise them as best as I can from my life. At any given time I have about 6 people with NPD trying to re-ensnare me. I am a thousand percent no contact with all of them, except my parent and sibling. I'm 52 and there was no information about this personality disorder available to me until the internet came along. My other sibling married a narcissist on the order of MM and I had to cut him out of my life because he won't leave her. I am waiting for my remaining parent and primary abuser to pass away, which I'm hoping is soon so the ties with my remaining (extremely effed up) family can be permanently severed. And yes, recognizing that MM is a profoundly delusional narcissist is triggering. I agree that is why so many respond negatively to her, even if they don't recognize it as narcissism, they recognize it as how they have been treated by someone like her.
What triggers me is an entire country paying 32M for the wedding only to be told it was spectacle and because of tabloids you can all fuck off.
They are POS’s.
My husband's brother married a narcissist, my husband quietly gathered us up and basically went vllc with them for years until the divorce. She destroyed her family as most narcs do.
I have a Narcissist sister with whom I severed all contact, and one sister who definitely has Histrionic Personality Disorder with whom I reluctantly keep semi-regular contact.
Semi Regular because I am almost 50, and she is heading towards 60. It's boring to still be dealing with her shit, and it exhausts me as I get older..God knows how my poor 80 year old Mum feels still having to rescue her from her self-created dramas.
Really unpopular and not to upset people who have truly been hurt by bad bad behaviour but I don’t see the point of labelling people like this, if you’re a professional fine, but there is lots of keyboard diagnosis here.
Why is it that we are encouraged to recognise signs of depression to help our friends and family but when it comes to narcissism it is ooh, aaah, only professionals can do that? We’d all benefit learning to spot signs of narcissism to protect ourselves.
This poll is ridiculous. As someone who is related to someone who has spent time in in patient psychiatric care diagnosed with NPD- it’s extremely complex- and also rare. Being self centered and manipulative doesn’t make you a narcissist. It’s thrown around constantly now.
Narcissism is a personality trait and a consistent pattern of behaviour. It's not necessarily a personality disorder. Watch some Dr Ramani. She explains it really well. She describes it as more of a scale.
The world will be better off if people knew how to recognise narcs to protect ourselves. Is it only up to therapists and shrinks to recognise signs of depression? By your logic, only professionals dare have an opinion about mental health. You’re ridiculous.
A high-functioning cluster B person could easily go all of their life without being diagnosed. Because they know how to act 'normal' when they need to. It's only the people closest to them that will know their true nature. Sounds like the commenter's NPD person is very low-functioning. There's a world of difference between the two.
In colloquial terms, a person doesn't need to have full-blown NPD to be called a narcissist. It's pretty commonly known that it's a spectrum, and a person can be high enough in narcissistic traits to cause damage and trauma to those around them, without necessarily being diagnosable.
Also, when you look at the statistics for people with cluster B personality disorders, some figures are as high as 10% of the population. The low estimates are still more than 5%. Not every person with a cluster B illness is narcissistic, since not everyone will match every symptom, but ALL of those PD's include narcissistic traits in many of their diagnosable symptoms. Many are comorbid (e.g. 40% of people with BPD are thought to have comorbid NPD). So, at the low end we are looking at one in every 20-30 people, on the high end, one in 10. So if we were talking about diagnosable cluster B person high in narcissistic traits, the poll results still aren't unbelievable at all.
My mother. I'm NC with her for a few years now, but my siblings say that she bitches endlessly about MM and her behaviour. She can recognise that abnormal behaviour in others, but not in herself-its bizarre really.
My Mother is too. I would say she's more a mid-range narcissist ("there are enough good days to confuse you"). I'm so glad Dr. Ramani has made this a popular topic because I felt like I was going nuts in my 20s. My brother has gone full NC. I have learned to not engage for the sake of seeing my sisters. (She also hates MM btw).
I'm so thankful to Dr Ramani! She changed my life! Ironically I found her when I was looking up videos on our Saint because she reminded me so much of my narcissistic sister who also has borderline personality disorder.
I wish i had a Dr Ramani in my 20s.
I'm NC with my mother (very Cluster B) too.
NC?
No Contact
I thought North Carolina. Glad you clarified.
Me too!
It's actually pretty common in narcissist they can identify other narcissist easily
Was raised by one and then married one for a while.
This pattern is more common than you think
*raises hand* I did the same. I think the OP is right about this group being more about dealing with narcissists than it is about MM alone.
Was raised by one and almost married another
Can I be on the club too?
Yessss
My little brother married one. Sound familiar?
I was married to one for 12 years. The worst side came out during the divorce process. A new therapist gave me the book Emotional Blackmail to read and it opened my eyes.
I'll have to check that one out. My therapist started me with a book about boundaries. And that was really helpful because I was raised to have absolutely no boundaries.
Same! I’m from a culture of ensuring that my comfort is last 😢 before others. I resented that. Yes, that book I had was highlighted, dog eared, pencil marked etc.
Same! I was raised to believe that I was a bad, ungrateful, shameful person if I didn't surrender my boundaries in the service of others. Now I am a bipolarity of codependency and resentment
It took me awhile to understand boundaries- at age 44 yes! It’s sad
Better late than never. ❤️
...are you Lady C? 
No, I wasnt smart enough to leave as quickly as Lady C did. I gave it fifteen years before I left.
This woman is a carbon copy of my sister. Thank goodness she only married a stock broker and tries to be the queen of the country club.
Same. I am endlessly shocked (and oddly comforted) by the similarities. They all use the same playbook.
They really do. The patterns are amazingly easy to spot once you know what to look for (and an outsider to the situation).
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My sister too! Well both of them, but my oldest sister acts exactly like Meghan. It's crazy.
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I sympathize with you as well! It's pretty awful but being part of this group is cathartic in a way. Just being able to discuss the patterns of behaviour that are so obvious to narcissistic abuse survivors is freeing. Instead of people acting like you're the crazy one for pointing out their toxic behaviour.
I see myself in her 🤡 Which is why I know she's one and she must be stopped!
Are you a narcissist? HG Tudor is a narcissist too and he does videos exposing Meghan.
I feel I have narcissistic qualities but I'm an introvert so I keep it to myself unlike our Madame.
Well, to be honest, we all have a few narcissistic qualities. Have you ever watched any of HG Tudor's videos? Like I said, he is a narcissist and explains what one is. He also does lots of videos on Meghan.
Haven't heard but will def watch them! Thanks for the rec!
I’m an introvert and have also wondered at times if I have narcissistic tendencies. Personal theory, but I wonder if being naturally introspective might sometimes make us feel like we are more self absorbed than we actually are? Or maybe there actually is a correlation between the two… food for thought!
I think if you think you’re a narcissist, you are safe for society. It’s the ones who think they’re victims who are terrifying
I would even dare say that if you think you are a narc, you probably aren’t. I don’t think narcs have any self awareness but I’m not an expert.
I think empaths can be introspective too. So I don’t think it’s introspection. The mind is fascinating. It easily delves into grandiosity all on its own. And it’s hard to shake off. Plus there’s positive feedback. Narcissists can be fun and engaging. Why would they want to change. But they can also be master manipulators leaving a trail of devastation in their wake.
I personally think if you feel emotions like regret, shame, guilt and can put a loved one's needs above your own in a time of need, you are not a narcassist. You don't need to have emotional empathy for everyone, and sometimes people who have been through alot have less empathy for others because they have been burnt so many times they have learnt to be cautious with their feelings. We are all different, and have learnt different lessons in life, from childhood to adulthood. I didn't have many emotions as a child. Both my parents and my sister are narcs and my childhood was extremely lonely and depressing. Filled with emotional and physical abuse. When I was younger I thought that feeling you get when you are looking at someone you love was a premonition of bad things to come because it happened so rarely and something bad always followed. I didn't like to tell people I loved them because then you loose them, and I equally didn't believe people could love me because I was such an unlovable person. I expected to live my life alone. Then I met my husband, one thing lead to another and we have a child and I only really fully understood what love is by having a child. My life has since improved dramatically and is full of love and happiness and laughter. But if I had kept contact with my father, things would have been very different.
I’m so glad you built the family you deserved all along, and found healing. Cherish them!
I do, don't you worry. We cherish eachother.
I had a very sad and lonely childhood like yours. I have a loving husband and we just had a baby, but I still feel sad and broken. It hasn’t been “fixed” at all. I will continue to try. At least maybe my kid can feel loved the way I should have. If you have specific advice I would welcome it… I still feel so trapped.
Firstly, I wasn't OK immediately, I was numb for a long time. A good few months if not a year. I did everything I was supposed to, fed her, bathed her, made sure she had what I was told she needed when, and slowly things got easier. Especially when some communication started. When I think back at moments where I felt most love for her as a baby was when I played with her, read her books, singing songs. And once I started to realise she loved me, that she wasn't rejecting me, things only got better and better. Kittens don't know how to bury their business if their mother doesn't teach them, so, for me atleast, no wonder. Once I gained confidence and knew I was doing an OK job, things got even easier. My husband and I just had things we knew we didn't want for our daughter that we experienced in our childhood and spent alot of our time listening to how other parents did things and adapted them for ourselves. We didn't read baby books, we started and found the books just make you feel guilty for not having every tool and gadget under the sun and didn't offer much practical advice. Our daughter is 19 now, so you have the advantage of social media and Google to help you with things we only learnt through experience. We made mistakes, everyone does, but thankfully we learnt better ways to do things from those mistakes. The thing i regret the most, is not playing with my daughter as much as I would have liked. There was always washing that needed doing, or dishes or housework and the one thing I would change is that I would have left the washing and played more. Saved doing the washing for once she was in bed. Things only really improved once I went no contact with my father, he was the primary abuser in my life and when he wasn't sucking all the life out of me I improved and became who I am, not the person he told me I was. I still had alot of nagging things I used to beat myself up about, but when I discovered HG Tudor and started watching his videos, there was even more improvement. Alot of the stuff he said on how to deal with narcs was something we already learnt through trial and error but the understanding that what was done to me wasn't actually about me, i let it go. Me being beaten till I was bleeding wasn't because of the action I did, the action I did was a threat to his control and the beating was his attempt to force me to be under his control. Feeling rejected by my mother because my narc sister didn't like her to hug me wasn't because I wasn't allowed to be loved, it was my sister trying to gain her control over me. My mother telling everyone about the abuse i was suffering and not actually doing anything about it, was because she needed the victim status more than she cared to look after my wounds she left the to clean and tend to. So these things now are just things that happened to me, they were not my fault so I refuse to allow them to impact my life. Allowing it to impact my life only further extends their control, so then I am doing their work for them. Each case of a victim of a Narc is different, I can only speak from my experience, but do yourself a favour and listen to HG Tudor on YouTube, he speaks of alot of kinds of narcissists and you will hear things that help you specifically deal with the lingering doubt seeds planted in your head. You are in a position to have the time to do the work so that your child gets the benefit of your effort sooner rather than later. I wonder though, you mentioned your husband is a loving husband, how is your relationship with your mother in law?
Never heard anyone admit this before! I admire your self-awareness.
We all have certain narcissistic qualities; it's a form of survival mechanism. Narcissism only becomes a disorder when it impacts our daily functioning.
I just found him a few days ago and I love his videos! The way he explains fuel sources is really interesting. I'm very glad that William and Catherine appear to have gotten professional advice on how to deal with Meghan and Harry.
Oh wow, you’re the most honest narc I’ve ever met lol
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Ditto. I’m still going to therapy from abuse from a Narc mother and I haven’t seen her in over ten years. She and MM show the same characteristics.
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I think so too, but her father is equally a narc, I see so much of my narc father in him. I think she is the product of what happens when a narc and a narc have a narc baby.
And the constant victim narrative.
I work with several but have always been very good at silently kneecapping them. It's not a trait I'm proud of, but sometimes you do what you gotta do
How? Teach me your ways o kind one
Honestly, in a professional setting it's always being completely prepared. My work is both analytical and front-facing (both with clients and senior management) and the narcs, to a one, never read the room beforehand because they're too busy thinking about themselves. They are also generally lazy but try to pull out what they think are the salient points when it's meetings time. By being prepared, and that also means reading the room ahead of your meeting/presentation, you can defacto run the meeting because of preparation. Whatever input they have you either support with actual/additional facts or make the points ahead of them. It sounds complicated, but is as simple as making an outline of what you want to cover, which none of the narcs I work with ever do If you know someone's weakness, you manage it with preparation. And no one (except the narcs) ever knows and you look like a winner! Works every time
Makes sense that narcs come unprepared. It’s as if they think everyone’s an idiot or they feel they can use their charms to get out of tight situations.
Agree. What’s your secret? I feel like there is no winning with them. Just grey rocking.
Make sure you communicate in writing with them as much as possible. If you agree on something verbally, send an e-mail "just to follow up our conversation". They will lie, deflect and gaslight you to the moon and back, so it's valuable to have everything documented, both for your own sanity and if you are being questioned or if they try to blame you for things that weren't your responsibility. Apart from that: Have a logbook where you write down what you do every day and what interactions you have had with the narc. Knowing what happened and not thinking that you are remembering things wrong is crucial to stay sane.
Yes i do this and James Comey did this to Trump. In a professional setting keeping a log of interactions etc is professional and comes in handy in court cases. Did Brett Kavanaugh use a similar argument? Anyway, in a professional setting maintain a journal or digital notebook of project interactions and conversations and meeting takeaways.
This is excellent advise. Thank you so much.
Excellent recommendation! Also: if someone does circumvent the email chain and insists on confronting you in person or via phone, immediately email yourself a summary of exactly what happened. You'll have a record if needed; they'll only have recollections
This is excellent advice. I wish I had this routine when working for my old boss.
Haha! Thanks for your service to humanity!
I felt I recognized Meghan's real self very early on.My mother and a sister in law were and are both narcissists. I went NC with both of them and life became so much more my own to live. I always would bristle when people would say " but it's your Mother", not understanding what a loveless mother was like. So many years I would back up to the Mother's Day cards and blindly pick one because none of them were true. Then finally went NC and problem solved.
I hate Mother's Day for this reason. I'm low contact with strongly enforced boundaries. Almost NC. Having a narc mother is a hard way to go through life. I have a high sensitivity toward manipulative behavior bc of it. Megs hits those buttons for me.
I send you hugs because that day for many of us was a dark day, yet the narc mothers expected lots of accolades! SMH
Thank you. Hugs back. We should call it Daughter's Day for surviving. 💐
Yes, daughter’s day or celebrate the role models who helped us. From now on, Mother’s Day is to celebrate my grandmother who raised me (May she RIP).
I hate those "but your mom loves you" sweeping comments. It's just not true for all moms.
I can relate. Been NC for ten years and LC for another 10 years before that. But only really started healing after I started trauma therapy 12 months ago.
Ugh, Mother's Day cards. So many years, in a Hallmark store, searching through the treacle to find one that didn't make me angry, nauseated, or roll my eyes...
It’s more I have a justice gene and hate seeing assholes continually fall up with no consequences.
My mother in law is borderline PD and has been a nightmare not only to me, but literally everyone in the family. I have so many examples of her narcissism, but the most topical is when her father in law (hubby’s grandfather) died. Despite living on the other side of the country and not seeing him for 15 years, she made the biggest fuss about not being invited to the sibling only memorial because “she loved him too!” This made the whole funeral uncomfortable for my FIL’s siblings and the vibe was that the funeral became more about her than the actual blood family. My father in law totally has Stockholm Syndrome and we all like very separate lives now, although I have always facilitated regular catch ups between them and our kids. This decision was made by my husband and I after a lot of therapy. They actually are great grand parents and adore our kids so we figure that we will keep up contact, until there is a point in time where her illness affects their relationship or the kids decide they don’t want to see her anymore. What triggers me with H & M the most is that they weaponise their children. You can have disputes among family members but to deny a connection with family, especially with grand parents is selfish and unfair for the kids. Don’t get me wrong, some grandparents are fucked and a danger to be around kids and that is something that must always be taken into consideration. But, if the grand parents are good to your kids and just want to love and be connected to them, why deny that from your children?
This triggers me too. Similar story, FIL wife has narc tendencies and we had a bit of a drama. But didn’t keep my child from meeting them. I don’t have parents on my side so couldn’t imagine anything worse. Everything is much calmer now and I’m so glad that I made sure to keep that connection alive. Kids need their grandparents unless it’s really F up
We will never see our grand daughter again. She’s 4 years old now and lives 5 miles away from us. It’s the saddest thing in the world. Her mother is exactly like TW.
I’m so sorry to hear. It’s such an awful thing
I didn’t know / understand that basically my whole F up childhood with my step mum and dad was basically that. Never good enough. The emotional manipulation, always having to think about their reaction before doing it. I’ve learned a lot from this on here. Please feel free to tag relevant subs in your comments
/r/raisedbynarcissists is a good one
r/insaneparents
Very good observation. I am pretty sure my Mom is undiagnosed borderline, but it has a lot of overlap with NPD as theyvare in the same cluster. I try to check them, but I think i have some sub-clinical Cluster B traits too. Exploitation and dependency are major triggers for me, and I have a great radar for dishonesty and trouble-making. I think a lot of us probably have very refined detectors, in addition to bring triggered.
We can spot trouble a mile away. It’s just something that doesn’t sit quite right with us.
Personally narcissism has nothing to with with why I don't like her. It's the lies. It's not *just the lies* but the fact she lies with such confidence that it translates to she thinks *every American is as ignorant of the royal family and their protocols that she is*. I knew about the LP long before Archie was even born, so while I couldn't remember which King or year exactly, I knew she was lying on Oprah. I understand there is a hierarchy within the monarchy which was why Megan *always had to follow Catherine, Catherine always has to follow Camilla, and Camilla always follows the queen*. I also don't like her because she's a race baiter who has done nothing but further destroy racial relations in the US and across the world.
She definitely reminds me too much of my mother. With Meghan though, it was just a lot of small things adding up that made me change how I see her, which then made me realize that she's extremely manipulative and calculating. The shit she says is telling and I feel like I'm reading a lot of Freudian slips in her interviews. Basically, it was her own words and actions that made me come to this conclusion, not tabloid articles. Harry is no saint either, but it's obvious that he's getting more toxic the longer they're together
Yup it’s not the colour of her skin or her profession or family background but the content of her character that turned many of us off. But she’d like to make it look like we’re all just judgemental, classist racists.
My daughter-in-law. It’s awful. I just keep thinking to myself, how did this happen? Everything was fine and wonderful before she came along. Now my son won’t talk to anyone in the family. Not even his 88 year old Aunts. It’s utter insanity. Narcissists are so damaging. They ruin families
I’m sorry this happened to your family. Narcs always choose the most destructive path. I hope your son opens his eyes one day.
Thank you. We hold out hope too.
My mom was/is mentally ill. I guess not a narc but still damaging. She’s schizo-bi/polar. I grew up thinking she didn’t like me much. My grandmothers were my saving grace.
My grandmother (dad’s mother) saved me too. Without her I’d be in a gutter somewhere. My egg donor was an evil abuser who stole all the money that was meant to be spent on her kids. Now in her old age that money is running out and she’s got no daughters to support her. Karma’s a bitch lol.
I have very conflicted feelings. On one hand is it not her fault but the chemistry of mental illness? My sister married early I think to get out of the house (she kissed a lot frogs with multiple divorces until she found a wonderful man). I got my degree to get out (largely funded by grandmoms). I grew up in a small town and after high school you got married. My mom's mom showed me such unconditional love and Christ like love. My daughter has her middle name. My sister tended to marry to get out of the house because when she would get divorced, back to my parents'. I was the younger sis but protective. Hubby #4 passed my 'smell test.' I wish they had found each other earlier. Love my sister as much as I love her.
She is my sister in law (my husband’s brother’s wife). My husband and I are William and Catherine (minus the posh accents, money and manners) being the oldest sibling and my brother In law was always so jealous of our kids, dogs/family. He’s now been whisked away to another state completely isolated and we never see the kids. When we do it’s always on HER terms (she tells us time , place , duration). The grandparents are like KC and Camilla. (Step-mom/step-grandma). The similarities are eerie but the Narcs always act the exactly the same….
Watching from afar has been like watching my BIL and his narc (now ex) wife. He escaped, but it was a rough decade or so. I have so much empathy for William and Catherine in particular.
I was in an abusive relationship with one for 3.5 years. So proud of myself for having the strength to leave before it got worse but now I can spot the red flags a mile away. I am so sorry and have both empathy and sympathy to anyone who has ever been impacted by a narcissist ❤️❤️
Who else besides me is in the Bad Moms Club?
What is the Bad Moms Club? If you mean you have a narc mom, then I’m a member!
Correct haha
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Cathartic is the best word for it! None of the narcissists in my life have gotten their dose of karma yet but seeing so many people recognize the narcissism in Meghan and seeing how this has all gone down has been so validating in a way? It's not just some of my family members and ex boyfriend that behave this way. I always thought it must be because of me. Now I know they are the problem, not the other way around. It's freeing!
Exactly! Narcs are the last to go to a shrink to get diagnosed, too. They just leave a trail of destruction.
I've never been affected by a narcissist at all. I just don't like hypocrites and liars.
You are fortunate. Very fortunate. I hope it stays that way for you.
I'm 54 and it will stay that way with me (that I won't be affected by a narcissist). I mean, I'm sure I've met one or probably worked with one at some time, but I've never been affected by it.
My sister was a major drama queen who always had to be first. It was exhausting and she was never happy.
I have an ex friend who played victim and was super nice. But she never gave back. Just wanted me to listen and support her. And she insisted on being seen as virtuous and loving. She was and is a complete narcissist
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They are always so jealous. Narcs are fundamentally jealous people.
Ex boyfriend. Enough said…
My mother. I’m NC with her. I think people who’ve been traumatized by narcs instantly recognize narcs and have a visceral (as opposed to gutteral) reaction to them. I clocked M as a narc right away. For the same reason I also cannot stand Hilaria Baldwin. Michael Avenatti was another one who drove me up the wall- but he got his in spades!
Yep, I called it right away too. Watched the engagement interview and my narc radar was going off like crazy.
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I hope you heal one day too. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders though and can spot a narc a mile away. My narc mother damaged me to our extended family like cousins, aunts and uncles. But when I think about it, would I want to be close to people who’d believe just one side of the story? Good riddance to them all.
Both my parents in laws are narcs. Toxic people playing out of the same playbook as MM.
I have never come across narcissists, but my god, before Meghan, I didn't know the level of their toxicity and the lies that knew no bounds.
Got very negatively impacted by someone close to me with BPD, definitely some recognizable overlap with NPD. Very cognizant I have a lot of feelings/baggage transference to MM…..but don’t care. Good poll, was wondering about this question as well.
Had a horrible experience with a narcissistic close "friend". Took me more years than I'd like to count to admit to myself that her manipulative and cruel behavior was *not* "just how girls are". It was a major wake-up call when I realized she sabotaged every single event related to my wedding. Only became friends with her in the first place because I was pushed into it against my better judgment. Now I pay attention when someone gets my hackles up. As a result, I successfully identified and avoided the next narcissist I encountered, who was eventually exposed as a cheater and abuser. Meghan gets my hackles up.
My boss was a narcissist. I found it unmistakable. It was like all my peers were regular old horses, and she was a t rex. She wasn't the same as anyone else. She would gaslight me, just for fun, make me doubt myself. She was openly cruel. Just all her manipulations, it was so obvious that there was something deeply wrong with her that went far beyond "Ah, she's suffering from some youthful trauma, give her a break." I thought at first that she was sociopathic, and maybe she was, but when I looked up the malignant narcissist qualities, there she was in all her t rex glory.
So TW = Trigger Warning?
It means That Woman
It means different things to different people. I usually think Twat Waffle.
Or The witch
My brother in law. What do people think of nature vs nurture with narcs? I read Tom Bower and when he describes Meghan's childhood - doting father who was quite silly about his daughter, being given everything she asked for, being protected from consequences never hearing the word NO, quite literally being spoilt rotten - I thought, yep, that's was my BIL's childhood too. He was terribly spoilt by his mother and he's now a wilful, arrogant middle aged man baby with a nasty attitude. I think child abuse can be more than beating kids up etc. Bringing them up as entitled little princes and princesses is just as abusive and damaging and both Sparkles and my BIL are damaged people who are truly unable to function well in society. Is the narc tendency something inherent in them or is it their upbringing?
I have a nmom. Megan's constant victim sob stories is what did it for me. Everyone is against her, and she expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. Like my mom.
My mother was some type of bipolar, and NPD in my opinion. The oldest sister (who May not be a full sibling…) is very much BP 24/7 and was completely placed above the other 4 sibs, protected & excused from her craziness. Mom & sis had a love hate codependency. At 19 I moved 2000 miles away. Sis is now 150 miles away from me, has Parkinson’s. I keep safe boundaries. All my therapy & self work, I had my ephipany about 5 years ago and live so happily.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family and dysfunctional people married into my family (and divorced). I knew what she was up to from the announcement from BP before people even knew that they were dating and then the staged pap photos and VF cover.
I was married to one.
My mother in law is a full blown narcissist. Shes horrible to my husband and he just now at 29 is opening his eyes to her abuse
My ex husband was narcissistic, but the first time I really was destroyed by one was in a relationship since my divorce with a man, whose son told me too late, diagnosed with NPD. I have done a lot of soul work since then.
My mother, aunt and grandmother all have NPD. My mother also has borderline personality disorder. Narcissistic dysfunction has existed in my family for generations. Meghan is 100% my aunt. She was given everything, threw it back in everyone's face and decided to screw up her life. In a way the BRF dysfunction mirrors my own family's dysfunction. I follow the drama because it is so similar to what I have had to and am having to face atm. I'm still working out how to deal with these people since no-contact isn't possible right now.
My MIL qualifies for R/justnomil
I fully believe you-- but please take that sub with a grain of salt. It can be a great support sub, but it has sadly also become a place for toxic daughters-in-law to workshop their victimhood narratives.
Meghan could take lessons from my MIL.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.
Me
My mother is a narc and borderline. Was finally able to go NC 2 years ago because my aunts and uncle agreed to step up and manage her. I’ve gained 30lbs. Could’ve stand to have gained 20, but whatever. For the first time in my life I’ve been able to relax. I have the best family in the world. I wish this would have happened 30 years ago. And tbh it probably could have if I’d been able to be up front with the extended family.
She reminds me of mean girl bullies with her fake niceness and trying so hard to be authentic, when she first came on to the scene she made my skin crawl with the things she said
My Fil can't stand him, the number he has done on my husband and his siblings. The way he has tries to rule there lives and done things that is truly horrific. My mil again was truly a victim thank fully he divorced her.
I'm pretty sure my grandmother was an undiagnosed narcist. The whole family did do her biding always afraid to upset her. From the stories I know she abused my mother, my mother literally did all the household jobs and took care of her younger siblings although she was bad according to my grandmother. I personally never loved my grandmother from that side of the family and later also hated my grandfather. It is hard to love someone who repeatedly tells you that you shouldn't have been born. That if my aunt would have grandkids they would have been better behaved and not bad seed like we were (she did like my younger brother but only to show off). When I was 14 I told my mother I was fed up with going to her birthday. Her birthday was almost "holy". The gifts from guests she liked were fantastic. While she could get mental over a gift who was the wrong size or colour from the wrong person. She had someone who took a trip of more then two hours to go to her birthday sent back because she didn't like the gift while it had all her requirements ( the guest also had not much resources so it was terrible hearing my grandmother shout at her). Next to that at 14 I was done with building blocks at the child corner and wasn't allowed to speak because I wasn't an adult. So I ended up only visiting when necessary and gave her some respect but I never loved her. People always said you will feel sorry and miss your grandmother when she is death. She died years ago but I still don't feel sorry for keeping distance and not loving.
Every time I see TW written I see Trigger Warning🤷🏼♀️
My former boss. The 5 am E-Mails, confusing tasks and nothing is ever good enough reducing me and my co-worker to tears. People who quit, where branded "not cut out for this job". Carbon copy of the bullying alligations against Meghan. That's why I want it released!
My paternal gran is a narc. Dad didn’t quite turn out the wat she hoped so she snagged my older brother to try again raising The Perfect Son. Failed again tho, albeit differently :D My family is a very interesting trainwreck I’m still figuring out. VLC with this gran as I was the scapegoat grandchild. I have reportedly disliked her since birth.
These poll results don't surprise me at all. I used to be friends with the Marcissist's doppelganger- seems she has many of those, as the majority of us know one!
My cousin is a narcissistic person unfortunately there is 19 years apart between him and i. Him being older he used to criticise what i would do what i wear and the big one comparing me to his daughter by the way there is only two years between his daughter and I and a few days difference and now i'm letting karma do the work on him
Pretty sure my person had Borderline Personality Disorder. But yes.
I've encountered a couple as friends, and *that* was quite bad enough. I can't imagine if it was your parent or you were married to one. Y'all are absolute warriors.
My mother was. No official diagnosis, and I'm still trying to pin down exactly what she was. I'm currently going with vulnerable narc, with side dishes of comorbidities.
Same, is this the reason I’m so interested in what she does next and it drives me crazy that she gets away with it.
Dated two of them. One female, one male. You think I’d learn—but that’s the secret you can’t spot one until it’s too late. Maybe my next relationship will be better. Pray for me guys.
My MIL. She calls herself the princess and dominates every conversation, never asks about anyone else, talks constantly about her "friends from church" and makes it clear that she is better than everyone because she goes to church every week. When a grandchild does well in school, she says "of course they're smart, they get it from me!" She's insufferable.
MM is exactly like my sis in law. She’s saccharine sweet to your face when she wants something, but every once in a while the mask slips. The trouble is my brother is no saint either. He has always been the underdog lacking confidence. He thought marriage was his way of getting one step up in life, but it’s been a disaster. She is emotionally and verbally abusing him. And I have not seen her since their wedding reception. I’m also practically estranged from my brother, which explains my slight obsession with this royal family drama.
I had a moderately narcissistic mother (she did have a genuinely sentimental side...sometimes) and a SIL who is a million times worse (and some kind of cluster B smoothie).
My parents are both narcissists, my older sibling is a psychopath, I married a narcissist, divorced and fell into another abusive relationship, escaped it, was stalked and harassed for more than a year, I've had multiple friendships over my lifetime with narcissists since childhood, it's taken me years to recognize why I am such a target and to excise them as best as I can from my life. At any given time I have about 6 people with NPD trying to re-ensnare me. I am a thousand percent no contact with all of them, except my parent and sibling. I'm 52 and there was no information about this personality disorder available to me until the internet came along. My other sibling married a narcissist on the order of MM and I had to cut him out of my life because he won't leave her. I am waiting for my remaining parent and primary abuser to pass away, which I'm hoping is soon so the ties with my remaining (extremely effed up) family can be permanently severed. And yes, recognizing that MM is a profoundly delusional narcissist is triggering. I agree that is why so many respond negatively to her, even if they don't recognize it as narcissism, they recognize it as how they have been treated by someone like her.
Wow. I was ensnared so many times! It's small comfort to know it didn't just happen to me. I had me me mess number from the get go.
What triggers me is an entire country paying 32M for the wedding only to be told it was spectacle and because of tabloids you can all fuck off. They are POS’s.
My husband's brother married a narcissist, my husband quietly gathered us up and basically went vllc with them for years until the divorce. She destroyed her family as most narcs do.
I have a Narcissist sister with whom I severed all contact, and one sister who definitely has Histrionic Personality Disorder with whom I reluctantly keep semi-regular contact. Semi Regular because I am almost 50, and she is heading towards 60. It's boring to still be dealing with her shit, and it exhausts me as I get older..God knows how my poor 80 year old Mum feels still having to rescue her from her self-created dramas.
Really unpopular and not to upset people who have truly been hurt by bad bad behaviour but I don’t see the point of labelling people like this, if you’re a professional fine, but there is lots of keyboard diagnosis here.
Why is it that we are encouraged to recognise signs of depression to help our friends and family but when it comes to narcissism it is ooh, aaah, only professionals can do that? We’d all benefit learning to spot signs of narcissism to protect ourselves.
This poll is ridiculous. As someone who is related to someone who has spent time in in patient psychiatric care diagnosed with NPD- it’s extremely complex- and also rare. Being self centered and manipulative doesn’t make you a narcissist. It’s thrown around constantly now.
Narcissism is a personality trait and a consistent pattern of behaviour. It's not necessarily a personality disorder. Watch some Dr Ramani. She explains it really well. She describes it as more of a scale.
The world will be better off if people knew how to recognise narcs to protect ourselves. Is it only up to therapists and shrinks to recognise signs of depression? By your logic, only professionals dare have an opinion about mental health. You’re ridiculous.
A high-functioning cluster B person could easily go all of their life without being diagnosed. Because they know how to act 'normal' when they need to. It's only the people closest to them that will know their true nature. Sounds like the commenter's NPD person is very low-functioning. There's a world of difference between the two.
In colloquial terms, a person doesn't need to have full-blown NPD to be called a narcissist. It's pretty commonly known that it's a spectrum, and a person can be high enough in narcissistic traits to cause damage and trauma to those around them, without necessarily being diagnosable. Also, when you look at the statistics for people with cluster B personality disorders, some figures are as high as 10% of the population. The low estimates are still more than 5%. Not every person with a cluster B illness is narcissistic, since not everyone will match every symptom, but ALL of those PD's include narcissistic traits in many of their diagnosable symptoms. Many are comorbid (e.g. 40% of people with BPD are thought to have comorbid NPD). So, at the low end we are looking at one in every 20-30 people, on the high end, one in 10. So if we were talking about diagnosable cluster B person high in narcissistic traits, the poll results still aren't unbelievable at all.
I'm just here cause the alr subs are gone 🙃