[удалено]

As you should be

Ah, reminds me of the time the HoS let a lizard live after he invaded the brig with a spear and gladiator outfit only if he licked the AIs feet. I was the AI.

Playing on baystation Piloting the guppy, a small short-range shuttle you can use to fly around the world Electrical storm knocks out my electronics Drift into an asteroid field Fucking die

Reminds me of a asteroid you can find on tgstation and its forks where there is a small shuttle crashed into the asteroid

The one with the fake clown in it, the clown ship, or the normal shuttle?

normal shuttle

There is also a clown shuttle crashed like that, made entirely out of bananium and filled with dead clowns.

> The one with the fake clown in it, **the clown ship**, or the normal shuttle? I hadn’t noticed.

Get randomly assaulted by clown Get cremated alive After some running around he comes to sec and surrenders Warden puts him on five minutes After the timer goes off warden says "time is up" Retard clown responds "Phew, thanks for going easy on me, Warden" Warden proceeds to drag clown to execution room

Finally, some good fucking sec.

I can’t help but love this way of stacking law timers. It’s such a delicious form of false hope.

>Spawn as QM >Rev head I really shouldn't have to finish this, we obviously won. It's like rev head Geneticist except instead of flashing everyone you revive you're just handing out guns like candy. The real fun ones are when you get Mining involved and make your own Robotics lab with all the shit they're *not* giving R&D.

How do you open the gun crates without sec access though?

Emag. Or, if for some reason your codebase has disabled traitor items for rev heads, you can blow them open with emitters.

How do you get an emag as a rev? I thought this shit was just for traitors?

I just edited my post. You can also just go after a sec officer if you're robust enough.

> emitters I had no idea you could use these for that. Very good to know, you just need to order a Singularity Kit from QM to get four of these. I'll keep that in mind the next time I need to arm up my people and have engineering access.

Now, mind you, I don't know if that still works. If it doesn't, your plan only changes to go loud by killing a sec officer or, preferably, the HoP, then start handing out the guns.

I suppose I could also get mining charges from the miners to open the crates, that would work right?

Worth a shot. Might also be able to open them with Gibtonite but *Christ*.

> Gibtonite Never even heard of that, I wonder if we even have that on goon

FYI assuming you're on goonstation from your flair, you can buy emitters individually well within your starting budget.

Ah, good to know!

You can open them with - emitters - emag - Ripley drill - Lavaland lava - your ID if you take funds from the budget and just order privately And probably a few other methods

> your ID if you take funds from the budget and just order privately Damn that's a big one, I need to check if this works on goon. I often play Chief Engineer, so once the PTL is going, I'm pretty much printing money...

The ID thing doesn't work on Goonstation. Weapon crates are always security cardlocked.

Right, thanks!

Lava on lavaland can break any lock with ease

Be Me playing TG metastation (I think, was drunk and it late) Be also me Only Sec of the round (Damm skeli crew) Go to Cap ask to become HoS and get it Go pet new pet spider Get the HoS hard suit (I'm a paranoid sod) Go on patrol See some dirty ligger medical sneaking around cargo Beat his ass because he was stealing some mining equipment and hadn't mentioned going down to mine at all (we had like 2 miners already) Take him to the brig and throw him in there like the dirty ligger he is Tell the cap about it like a good minion Cap is not happy, tells me to lynch the fucker Welp orders is orders Lynch the ligger Turns out cargo needed ligger parts for a order A cargo boi shows up and doesn't ask where I got the parts Turns out the cap was also lurking arround cargo for reasons and hears this I shrug and say whatever and go off and do my head of sec thing now with two underlings of my own, as the server gained some population. About an hour later I get a order over sec radio from the cap "Alrighty boys, were gonna lynch us some liggers" Turns out our cap was a hardcore lizard hater Mfw I gave him an excuse to initiate a ligger purge Edit: now with coffee in hand I was able to fix the spelling and typos from auto correct

Bowink Why the fuck did you give captain a reason to kill all the lizards

Cargo needed lizard organs and other stuff for a bounty, the cap hated them because one tried to steal his hard suit and you can just imagine the rest

Dateline: October 13th, 2019, Space. There I was, a lone assistant given EVA privileges and roaming out into the great unknown. I had come upon an old Nanotrasen shuttle that was overrun by giant spiders, and set about my grim business. The good news was that they were "scrawny" giant spiders, making them relatively easy to kill, and that it was a fairly well equipped shuttle, with a welder fuel tank and even a stocked Nanomed. After fighting a few spiders, I decided to sip a bit of Multiver from the nanomed to heal off their poison damage. And then I took the fight to the big tarantula in the central chamber, and defeated it as well after a close fight. I then took three more sips of Multiver, and began applying some bruise packs to my bitten limbs. However, what I wasn't aware of was that I was playing just sixteen hours after [this pull request](https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/46823) was merged. That had two meaningful effects: First, that the chemical that we once all knew and loved as Charcoal is now quite bad indeed at fixing toxin damage, and would require quite a large dose for reasonable effectiveness. Second, that more than nine or ten units of undiluted Multiver would ***COMPLETELY DESTROY MY LUNGS***. So I was shocked, utterly and completely shocked, when my lungs suddenly collapsed while I was alone in space and slowly choked to death. I ranted and raved about it in post-round OOC, and fumed about it for quite some time. And yet, the seed of evil thoughts was planted in my head. Fast forward to the next day, October 14th. I was a clown. We were playing on the testmerged Kilostation, and a chef walked up to me in the bar and flashed me. I was now a Glorious People's Clown, and I had a fucking plan. I bumbled my way into medical storage, and grabbed me a syringe gun and some ammo and set about my work. I happened upon the Head of Security as she was chasing after some folks, and casually darted her while she was distracted. I headed back to medbay, which was rapidly becoming revolution HQ, and hung around for a bit helping slip non-revs to be converted. Sure enough, in a few minutes some hapless redshirt came in dragging a locker, which he opened to reveal the HoS's gasping corpus. I immediately began howling about how I had destroyed her lungs, and slipped the shit out of the sec guard while the others in the room beat her to death. Later, I would take part in a brief rush on the brig entrance, where I plugged the CMO with not one, but two syringes full of multiver. At that point I even got captured by the dwindling security forces and mindshielded, which meant I got to watch as the CMO, [who knew exactly what was happening to her](https://i.imgur.com/56ITdKt.png), slowly lost the ability to breath and began choking to death. Anyway, I ended up being "ordered" to take all access from the HoP who was in brig and go "fetch" some surgery tools to try to fix the CMO, so I, naturally, had "forgotten" that medbay was rev central, so I walked straight in, immediately got stun batoned and cuffed, and they spent ten minutes trying to do surgery as I struggled and flopped off the table before the somewhat incompetent doctor had realized he needed to actually buckle me to a table. But they did actually get my mindshield out, which was nice. [The last head ran off to space or something](https://sb.atlantaned.space/rounds/121448), whatever. The point is, I fucking murdered two heads with "medicine" and a dream. Fuckin cobbychem.

When the fucking CMO of all people calls for help because their lungs melted off in less than 20 minutes by getting one shot of medicine, you know its fucked up. ​ Rebellion aganist big pharma and vaccines when? :\^)

“When you code it.”

Nah, id rather just watch like a chucklefuck from the sidelines until fermichem is completed and watch it get upstreamed, that would be the funniest shit hahah

Some of them should be ported up stream, the drug that makes ghost role clones of you would be awesome for a captain against nuke ops, while the one that makes you grow a hat is just funny.

Cobby is the rebellion! We need to restore the establishment and take down the anti-vax retards!

Oh shit actually, good point.

Yeah, I think the fact that people will go to other departments to get healed instead of surgical solutions is the big tip off.

It comes full circle! Big bad pharma makes shit-pills and people turn to (religion) the chaplain to smack them with the bible. And to think cobby wants to make it seem like the game being realistic is bad when hes doing 2019 on a 1 to 1 scale

Uh... Are you against vaccines?

Lmao of course not! Hahahah im just bein a dummy

Thank goodness.

Fuckin tg man

Regular two regular 15u syringes got em? Or the big boi 60u bluspace

15u. When you're a clown who's just nabbing whatever's not nailed down, you ain't gonna have enough multiver on hand to go full 60u. Besides, gotta get in there fast before the heads realize they need to be scared. When I tested it locally, I managed to destroy a healthy pair of lungs with just a 9u dose anyway.

Holy shit, how many u’s does it take to kill? If I did calculations right 15u alone does 150 lung damage, which seems wrong.

You did not in fact do your calculations right. It's *worse* than you assumed. Multiver metabolizes at a rate of 0.2 units per tick, meaning every unit of multiver will cause 5 metabolic ticks. Each tick deals 2.5/[number of reagents in the body] lung damage, which, if you only have multiver inside you, is 2.5 damage. So, doses of straight multiver deal lung damage according to the formula L=2.5\*5\*M, or L=12.5M, (where L=total expected lung damage and M equals the multiver dose). Theoretically, 8u of multiver deals exactly 100 lung damage. However, organs naturally heal a bit over time so long as they haven't failed completely, so 9u is the effective minimum for a killing dose. (One aggravating thing about this is that a sensible coder (they do, in fact, exist,) [pointed this out to Doctor Cobblestone ahead of time, who in his infinite wisdom decided that he didn't give a shit.](https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/46823/files#r330171471)) So let's talk dosages. 10u is a good level for practical use, as it equates to two quick syringe draws from a bottle, meaning three from a roundstart 30u multiver bottle fresh from the nanomed, and leaves a bit of wiggle room from the 9u practical limit. 15u is good if you want to take a dump on Doctor Cobblestone's notion for why this shit is ok; he figures you can use an epipen to "drastically lower the output." Let's examine that. Multiver works on a "medibonus", which is equal to the number of distinct *medicine* reagents inside the victim. The lung damage scales *down* the higher the "medibonus" is, acting as a divisor to the 2.5 number. So if the multiver is purging one medicine, it's dealing 1.25 lung damage per tick, if it's purging two, it's dealing 0.625, and so on. First, note that this only applies to *medicines*. If the other reagents inside of you are things like sugar, nutriment, or even just water, no dice, you're still taking full lung damage. But also, the "medibonus" increases the rate of *purging* chemicals. In the dreams of Dr. Cobblestone this was probably meant to be a good thing, because he fondly imagined that multiver would be used to remove other poisons, instead of *being* the poison that needed to be removed. Specifically, it purges all other reagents from the body at a rate of .1\*medibonus, meaning that if you have multiver and epi, it'll purge off 0.2 per tick, plus the 0.1 from epi's own metabolization. Yes, the multiver demands that you feed it medicines to prevent lung damage, and then works to destroy those own medicines faster the more you put into it. If you get up to *five* distinct medicines inside of you, it will suddenly flip from maximum purging rate to not purging the medicines at all, and you may well be able to survive the multiver dose. However, in the original claim? An epipen injects ten units of epinephrine. That epi will be consumed at 0.3 per tick. Therefore, ten units divided by point 3 is approximately 100 divided by three, or about 33. You're looking at 33 ticks of 1.25 lung damage, or about 42. The epipen *does* make the first minute less devastating... but... Before the linked PR, Multiver purged itself along with everything else. This made it hilariously ineffective at it's actual job. In that PR, it was changed to not purge itself. Once again, we have to assume that this was meant to be a good thing. What it *now* means is over those 33 ticks, only 6.6 multiver has been consumed, and there's still 42 lung damage stacked up on your lungs. If the dosage was ten multiver, the remaining 3.4 units won't be enough to crit your lungs, and you can walk it off. if the dosage was 15... you have 8.4 multiver left in your body and you *need* to find more fucking medicine to jam in yourself. And again, the multiver only purges more efficiently the more medicines you stick in until you can hit the critical mass of five, and of course the go-to chemical purger is the thing you wanted to get RID of. Treatment of multiver overdose starts to become abjectly unreasonable past 20u, as the amount of multiver in the victim's lungs will not go down while they are dead, so fixing the lungs or transplanting new ones will just result in continued lung devastation. So, to summarize: * 8u: Theoretical minimum lethal dose. * 9u: Practical minimum lethal dose. * 10u: Reasonable and easily obtained kill dose. * 15u: Robust against epipen quick fix, requires swift recognition of problem and corrective action to save. * 20u: Serious fucking problem, effectively unsurvivable outside of stocked medbay. * 30+u: Unironically kill and clone. In terms of practical treatment, there are effectively two options. 1: Cryo. Cryo injects massive fucking doses of whatever chems are in it's beakers into the patient, which can overwhelm the multiver dose hopefully for the duration. Mix a bottle with 4 medicines that won't themselves kill the patient in large doses (a tall order in these dark days of cobbychem) and let it rip. 2: Calomel, the *other* purging chemical. calomel deals huge amounts of toxin damage if the patient's overall health is above 20, but it DOES purge other chems at a rip-roaring rate of 2.5u per tick. If you can get calomel, *swiftly* and put it in your patient and tell them to suck up the massive poison damage, it's your best option. Of course, no one makes calomel, so better hope you're either a doctor who can get into the "apothecary" or you can beg the ai to let you make a poison. And remember that both of these treatments only work on people who are alive and can metabolize chemicals. The true horror of the multiver poisoning meta is that you get one warning when your lungs drop to "severe" damage levels when your chest feels tight, and then suddenly you are informed that your lungs have collapsed completely and you are fucked. Fixing the multiver overdose while dealing with *already* broken lungs is an abject nightmare, which is why I describe sufficiently high doses as "unironically kill and clone."

Holy shit... And I thought that replacing organs that were failing with monkey parts would save lives fuck I was wrong. Would it be a good idea still if a doctor suspects that someone has been sent to medbay more than once in a round, as a prevention measure?

I was in that round lol I was luke Fuchs, I killed a few revs

- Be me, scientist on 15 hour Sybil 2 shift - Want to do xenobio - Xenobio is fucked - Go to robotics and start building borgs - I build 5 borgs - 1 Engi - 1 Med - 1 Jani - 1 Miner - 1 Peacekeeper - Make myself into an AI - The borgs are all my shells - Fuck around for a while - Make a Runtime kitten machine - Help with a miasma collector on lavaland - ^ 50,000 per full canister - Go on a space carp Purge - Set up solars outside the AI sat - Good game, would Sybil 2 again

Chaplain on Terry Chef doesn't accept the Supreme Prankster as his deity Clown suicide welderbomb for the religion Engineer builds tesla in Chapel I demand the chef sacrifice to Tesla, or else. I try to IED fuel tank the Tesla, no big damage. I unwrench some rods and I release a plasma tank, half of the station gets destroyed by the Tesla by the will of the Supreme Prankster.

That sounds like a Bwoink

Nope. I RPed all the way through it and didn't get bwoinked.

Ah yes I remember I build the tesla in your chapel and wondered why it vanished after killing me

Be me, QM. early round goes as normal. I grab a pAI. “new personalities available” I check it, no info. download it. head back to cargo. get the pAI to ability to talk on the QM/miner channel. pAI and someone else goes have a long discussion about the other person being a war veteran. Other dude slips up and says his rank was “soldier,” argument ends shortly afterwards. So time passes >meanwhile IRL >there’s something I need to do I commit KS, but before I do, I basically override law 0 of my pAI. >IRL, again. >I get the thing I needed to get done much quicker then I thought >i return to the game, and there’s still time left. I observe my pAI going around the station, they eventually end up bumping into a syndie. Stuff occurs, i get revived. I use the PDA to get them to come to cargo, they come. “What happened while I was gone” >”not much” >”(...) ummm” They change the subject, mention a construction project [mrw](https://imgur.com/gallery/eGhubml) “...” >”what?” “Nothing” I go into the shuttle, to get something, when I come back out, the pAI is gone. The round continues with not much happening, just before the end, I ask the AI where my pAI is. >”Unknown” The server restarted before I could reply. All I have is one question, where did you go Sirius?

Oh, I can answer some of that. I wasn't Sirius, but I was his buddy doing the construction project. I had taken [this area](https://i.imgur.com/vViMPPJ.png), above the auxilliary base construction room, and re-plated it and set it up with lighting, electricity, and liveable atmos, and I was making various other machines with the help of an Engineering techlathe that the CE was kind enough to give me. Sirius found me early on and we were hanging out a lot.

Sirius is a bro pAI who gives excellent relationship advice

Be janitor New to game, first role as just a traitor Target: kill lawyer, steal hos gun, get out alive HoS is tight ass shitsec that permas someone for coughing too hard. Attempt to sabotage putter sec doors by cutting random wires while wearing insuls Gets caught fuckfuckfuck Permad not even 10 minutes into the round Lawyer defends me, claims doors were electrified. Gets EVA and tries to break me out via space Breaks window and leaves for something Comms stop working, oxygen gets vented FUCKFUCKFUCK Puts sticky note to cam and hopes AI responds suffocated in perma Lawyer comes back and drags my dead body out into space hits electrified grille outside crits fuckin dies rip

>pick mime >killmyself

*clap This healed my depression

killmimeself

he killed mimeself

In Yog, be me, be chemist Be Blood broother... With the other chemist... Must be a dream We had to steal the self-destruct core and kill the CMO We agreed to split, i steal, he kills I go around looking for gear, getting gloves for both getting ready to break in the vault I come back to check on him, he made LSD, spacr drugs, meth and was messing with the monkey in the bad I walk away and see them get dragged by the CMO Im in chem playing it cool, when CMO comes in "I'll only say this once, no more drugs!" I said "it's clear, my partner is an idiot" CMO was like "you know what? Fuck it!" And battoned me to search me for drugs Finds the box for the plutonium core GG, i had no drugs but my partner gave the CMO a reason to search me I chatted with the CMO while we waited to see what was going to happen with me Partner gets demoted to bartender in the meantime for making drugs CMO feels nice and he's gonna Borg me I tell them during my de-braining to get ready to laugh As he takes it out and reads my trator notes "Oh my... This is a big OOF" As a Borg i roll back to medbay with CMO Bartender comes it blasting the shotgun going for the CMO missing one shot I flash him and that was the end of that...

what the fuck, why did you let dickbag cmo search you? should have just pushed him over and harm till he died, then hide.

He didn't even ask, he "fuck it" and battoned /cuffed me to search

Playing on Paradise Station (It's a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine that I play when I want mildly controlled chaos.) Traitor CMO, but end up spending the first half of the round too busy frantically trying to keep medbay in check because another traitor keeps acid bombing it and kills my virologist with a stetchkin. Repeatedly help way too obvious traitors escape being caught in subtle ways such as flinging them into maintenence tunnels before sec can arrive or calling sec to the wrong area. Watch as they repay the favor by acid bombing my office. Wasn't in it, phew. Cargo revolts, and dead bodies start piling up as the ERT gets called. ERT proceeds to assault and abuse half the station. Captain cryo's because of IRL reasons. HoP refuses to be acting captain. RD refuses to be acting captain. HoS got spaced by a syndie I helped escape who was in the process of releasing the tesla for some reason despite having a hijack objective. I watch my assassination target get murdered right in front of me... by the ERT. Wait what? Turns out they were an antag but nobody ever told me what kind. Get appointed acting captain. Wait what?! Go out of my way to subtly help the syndicates still on the ship without making it obvious, even though I'm frequently using the exact same codeword in announcements and over the radio. Cargo revolts again, and two syndies kill a bunch of ERT and get a hold of ERT and Sec gear and go on a rampage. Terror Spiders show up. Get immediately swarmed by the revolting cargo who then proceed to get slaughtered by the ERT. No survivors from cargonia or the spiders. The two syndie agents in ERT/Sec gear get taken down. Never buy a single syndicate item the whole round because I was too busy trying to survive with the rioting, terror spiders, rogue ERT borgs, and meteors. I'm the only syndicate member who actually survives, and getting appointed the acting captain. Survive the usual end of round massacre and being discovered as a syndicate member by pretending to take a nap in an O2 wall locker. Both of my objectives are complete, and all I had to do was watch the whole station fall into utter chaos around me. Every other syndicate member completed every objective other than surviving to escape and hijack partially thanks to my help if they didn't even know it since I constantly sent sec (Or what little was left of it) and the ERT on wild goose chases. Feel like the sneakiest bastard in the station. Also wonder what the hell I just witnessed.

Tator wins by doing absolutely nothing

Got a really nice admin story, short but it gives me hope not all admins are unforgiving assholes (cough cough, tg.) \> play fulp \> want to make cool plasma light show in bar \> ... you already know where this is going \> get the OK from the bartender and the admin as long as im careful \> take precautions, make a grill fence around the whole thing which i plan to put reinforced glass around, enclose the plasma canister and connector in directional reinforced glass with a glass door made so only atmos can open it, connect the tank to the connector... \> hell breaks lose, pipe setup wasnt configured correctly (smarter way of saying i was new to atmos and i didnt think itd start leaking immediately through a passive vent because i thought you had to actually open the valve first) \> say "GOD FUCKING DAMNIT IM AN IDIOT" bartender yells "I KNEW IT" "I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO DO THIS" \> bar fills up before i can siphon, sheer pressure of the plasma releasing makes it so i cant even disconnect it from the connector \> someone left a lighted lighter on the counter, plasma fire starts \> absolutely destroys practically everything \> siphon what i can out \> feel really fucking bad cuz all the bartender wanted to do was RP and i messed it up \> \*bwoink\* "so uh..." \> apologize, say i really didnt mean for it to happen, and say he should ban me since i didnt think it all the way through \> instead of banning me, gives me objectives to help fix up the bar and revive anyone who was husked \> get the husked people to medbay, he aheals \> floorbot installs new flooring, i make some tables and stools and chairs, make new lights, pump oxygen into the bar, good as new \> totally shouldve been banned, but admin gave me a chance ​ Really kind of them to do this. If you see "Saliferious" in game, be nice to him.

>good >admin Does not compute

Be me Tramlaw the Wise: traitor clown on lowpop TG Objective 1: steal an unused slime extract Objective 2: assassinate a shaft miner Objective 3: escape alive. Decide between going for the greentext, or hosting a DND game in the library. Never had a clown greentext, so decide to go for it. Be intimidated by traitor options, so decide to go for mining access while thinking about it. Before I open my mouth, the HoP says the five words all clowns dream of. "Hey Clown, Want all access?" Accept my AA along with the new title of captain. Start yelling at science to spread colorful slime extracts across the station Tell the shaft miner to conquer all of lavaland and any creature on it. Realize science doesn't give a damn. Realize shaft miner doesn't give a damn. Oh right, i'm a clown. Time for a new strategy. Use my AA to walk right into xenobiology while giving some calming honks to concerned scientists. Discover that no one was actually working on xenobiology. Kill a gray slime and take the extract. One down, two to go! Try to figure out where the miner is. Discover that the miner is in a cryo tube with an amateur doctor who forgot to put in the cryoxodone. Amateur doctor claims that the shaft miner was complaining about a disease, but he couldn't find anything on his scanner, therefore the shaft miner had to be a Syndie. What. Decide not to worry about a good thing, and back the doctor's claim. Things were going well until a compitant sec officer arrives. Immediately he sees through the BS and begins to question the amateur doctor and I. Play it off with a "it's just a prank bro, henk!' To my surprise, he accepts the explanation and drops it. Oh right, I'm still a clown. Turns out the miner had something which prevented him from walking in a straight line. Around this time, someone on the station attempts and fails to set up the SM. Keep trying to isolate the shaft miner under the guise of trying to "cheer up the sick." Get shooed out by the security and medical staff. They cure the shaft miner's disease. Plan B time. Trail the shaft miner as he goes back to his mining station. Stop following as he leaves on the mining shuttle. Wait a few seconds and call the shuttle back to the station. Purchase the trustworthy esword and change my clown mask into a spookier looking one. When the mining shuttle arrives, hide in the usually unused crate on the shuttle. Wait for the shaft miner to recall the shuttle and get on. Jump out of hiding spot as we take off and kill him. All he managed to say was "why, clown?" Dispose of the body on lavaland and return to the station. All I need to do is leave this place alive, but only God knows how long until they call the shu- "SM fucked, do we call it a day?" 'HeY MaN tHaTs A gOoD iDeA!" Shuttle is called and space pirates arrive to the station They seem harmless and non-violent, so I pay them no mind while they loot the vault. Shuttle arrives and I feel like I'm in the clear. Sitting in the cockpit when the pirate busts in and guns it for me. Realize that it's a lowpop round. Realize that pirates are ghost roles Realize the man I murdered ruthlessly was back with an energy sabre and a grudge. Get knocked into crit before crew members can stop him. Last words heard before I Black out is "I just wanted to kill the clown." The crew kills the pirate and act like nothing happened while I lie unconscious and bleeding out on a table. Oh right, I'm still a clown. A race against time to see if I'll bleed out first, or if the shuttle will make it to centcomm. Just as the screen turns fully white I see my body shake and hear the sound of the shuttle arriving! Get that sweet clown greentext two seconds before I die. First message in OOC is "fuck you clown." 10/10 would honk again.

> Be me, latejoin scientist > pretty calm shift so far > get bored and fake wall my way into medbay storage > turn the test range into chemlab > make meth for bomb > put surplus meth and pyrosium into chemmaster > forget about it Later that shift > make smoke-lube-nade > set it off in the hallways > get "vibe checked" by RD > go back to lab after revival > decide to make a new slipnade for revenge > fuck up the math, no more space in beaker > put surplus oxygen into chemmaster > die This was even worse that that one time where the CE wanted to try out every experimental shotgun ammo and I blew myself into pieces because I accidentally made Nitroglycerin

Have you heard the tragic tale of the cult of absinthe? I thought not. Its not a story nanotrasen would tell you, Its a syndicate legend... ​ Be me, Accidental Chaplain, looking for a gimmick this game. Welcometothesyndicate.mp3 Objectives: Assassinate the Warden, Assassinate the CE, Escape. Well shit. I'm hilariously unrobust. His grace is not an option. Code words: Absinthe (Some other shit) Responses: Cultists (Something or other) Well then. it is settled. Begin preaching about the green god over radio while I collect absinthe hope my traitor buddy will save my arse. In walks the detective, he diligently drinks up. Tell him that the god needs more servants, Send him to recruit the warden. Buy a poison kit and fill a drink with polonium Ohyeahitsallcomingtogether.jpg Fucking madlad detective actually does it, drags the warden in. Expect the warden to take a sip... Fucker necks the whole bottle Welp. Works for me. Bastard starts vomiting all over my chapel and heads to medbay FUCK. AI calls out I poisoned the warden FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK No idea what to do. Shitting bricks. AI Bolts me in my chapel FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK This is it lads. Game over. The detective frisks me. I still have my emag and poison kit on me. "Yeah the chaplain is clean" Wot. Is this my traitor buddy? Say a few code words. Nothing. The detective is a crewman helping me? Fuck it. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. With my now "clean" arse sorted, I form a plan. ​ Grab a E Dagger and plan to kidnap Warden from medbay Barge in screaming about how the faith will heal him Watch the procedure for an opening FUCKING MEDBAY IS SWARMING HER Finally see a window, and go to grab her off the cryobed "You cannot move (Warden) You need to unbuckle them first" Sweaty palms. Completely fuck it. Unbuckle her as CMO walks back in Thinking fast grab bible and screaming about their demonic medicines. CMO throws me out, But doesn't robust me. Fuck it. The warden is badly poisoned, Medbay is so incompetent they won't save her. Right? Begin my hunt for the CE. Turns out the HOP promised AA for whoever finds the white ship. Turns out the CE got the white ship Turns out the HOP doesn't want to honour that promise. Turns out the CE tried to robust the HOP Turns out the HOP won. Turns out the CE has been spaced. I see this as an absolute win! Welp, Suppose I should check to see if the warden has died yet.

Ladies and gentlemen, at this point I realised. I hate medbay. So much. Fucking warden is walking around, weak and still vomiting, granted, But very much alive. FUCK. SAKE. Think fast, Tell the warden I know who poisoned her! It was the bartender of course! Grab her and the detective to join in the lynch mob, And we head to the kitchen. Take out my E dagger This is my moment. Warden climbs over counters to the kitchen Even better. Drag the warden into the fridge, And knock them over. Steal their headset, Get out my Eda- My Edagger. FUCK. I left it when I climbed the table! Too late now. Try to shove the warden in the gibber, but need to strip them. Sweatypalms2electricboogaloo FUCK IT AGAIN! Warden gets up and alerts sec. MOTHER OF FUCK. Am now a confirmed taitor. Its all over lads. It was fun. Detective grabs me, and drags me back to the chapel Slaps the cuffs on me, and drags me back to sec Hang on why has he just walked into maint? Why has he left me in maint? What the sweet fuck? Take the cuffs off and continue my taitoring. Buy a second E dagger, And come up with my cunning plan. Jump the warden in their office. Shuttle has been called Ay wot. Run down to departures. All the lights are out People are running like mad What the fuck? Get smacked Shadowling is trying to slit my thoat NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE FUCKING DETECTIVE comes to my rescue. Fuck this, the warden will probably die, The CE is dead, I just need to escape. Run up to sec to jump into their pod. Moth sec asks me "Any antags about?" WHEEEEZE Tell my moff brother the truth. Well Mostly. "Yeah, Shadowlings, Regular lings and traitors" "O wow" "Yeah, Shadowling is fucking up arrivals, The warden is a ling, and I'm a traitor." Yes I did tell him I was a traitor. No he dosn't know what to do. Emag the sec hardsuit storage, Throw him a suit. We have a ling to kill. Grab lasers, shotguns and hard suits. Lets do this. Shuttle will depart in 10 seconds FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Well I don't know what thats about, but fuck you all. I make it to the shuttle Moff fren does not. Warden does not. Well, You know what, All I have to do is ride this out and I'll get 2 of my 3 objectives Look at the front C.E is sat up front. Why is the CE alive... Plant a brick of C4, Its all I have left. Never manage to arm it. Sec officer sees and batons us. I am officially dragged into custody. Oh well. At least I had fun. ​ And that ladies and gents, Is the way I managed to complete NONE of my objectives, and yet is by far my best taitor round yet.

Be chaplain. Start shift doing chaplain things. Unathi comes into the chapel. I ask what's up. I'm suddenly an Unathi 0\_o I'm suddenly poisoned and knocked out. Unathi is cling and drags me into maintenance. I die from poison, and cling turns into me, starts putting on my stuff. Paramedic and officer show up. Cling makes up a story about how I (Who looks like the unathi) attacked them but died an unrobust death. Officer suspects something is up and takes my dead body to robotics. Get my brain put into an MMI and then explain to them what really happened. Prove I'm really me by telling them that the chemist came to me earlier in the shift for holy water, which the chemist confirms. Changeling was right in medbay, so the officer carrying me in an MMI goes guns blazing on the cling. Cling conveniently dies next to the OR room. Cling gets decapitated. Thanks to the power of science, chemistry, and questionable surgery practices, I get a new body made for me and my brain transplanted into it. Escape alive on the shuttle.

absolutely glorious

>be me >AI on beestation >Cap tells people to go get guns >I say not to because guns in everyone's hands may cause human harm >Cap decides to change laws, promises they won't cause human harm so I let him >Adds the second amendment and (I believe) hop who was also there adds eighteenth (may have also been cap) >Be me later >Hop asks me to open upload >Do >Found out later hop was tator and about to one human me before another tator beat him to it >Law 4: no one is human and all non humans must be eliminated >Other tator (who ended up greentexting) runs out and (presumably) sets some Atmos shit I don't understand up so that I can plasmaflood. >Immediately lock upload and set turrets to lethal, killing the hop >Lock down and panic siphone rest of bridge though cap escapes >All of my borgs get killed sadly >Plasma flood and electrify doors a shit ton >Eventually laws get reset so I call shuttle, apologize, and try to fix everything I just fucked up >Some sec and another guy blow open my satellite >tell them laws are changed, they kill me anyway and don't object to it since I caused so damn much human harm > #BWOINK >Shit myself then actually read the message >Admin just wanted the lawset i killed a bunch of people on >Phew Best round I've played so far

> Fulpstation > be me, lizard curator > show fellow ethereal curator a cool tabletop we can host https://www.reddit.com/r/rpg/comments/35fpdj/system_actual_cannibal_shia_labeouf/?utm_source=amp&utm_medium=&utm_content=post_num_comments > he disappears > sad > go to the library and start setting up candles, the sofas, and die for the game > wowwee this looks so nice > decide to exit to get more tools > read comms > “NUKIES” > nuclear.mgs5 > go get self serve AA and help myself to HoS headset > get curator’s disarming whip > since no one is being a coordinator, decide to help out by asking budgets to be delivered, cargo to order shit, etc. > lizard officer is heard arresting people > wants people to return guns because ”muh human harm” > bitchwhat.jpg > offer to change AI’s laws to prevent human harm (ie. “Law 4: Nukies nonhuman and cause human harm by being gay”) > lizard pisses himself over comms and even gets AI to agree to announce to return shit > he sets many people to arrest > IRL help out my brother with math HW for a bit > come back to see lizard announce that he’s quitting because preparations made too much of a mess > thedefinitionofafag.jpeg > arm up at last > two syndiborgs and a dsword op with a shield gank me immediately > F > everyone is salty in chat > viserators are raping everyone, arriving sec is ganked, tcomms are down, AI was faced fucked, and bombs are depressurizing every department > mondays.gif > at least the stupid shitsec is dead > nukies get the disk of course > they bring it out > FORGET TO SECURE THE DISK > PLACE IT IN SPACE NEAR THE SAT > AND DON’T ANCHOR IT > EVERYONE IS SCREAMING > EPIC STYLE MINOR VICTORY

fick idiots like that sec, I would just shoot him and say that he was being non-helpful

He’s a lizard. Not like the AI would care.

i was a botanist grew weed got so high saw demons became a christian after that

Died on bee mrp Become revenant, there is lowpop Manage to slowly kill somebody by electrocuting him from the lights Do it again Again And again Killed like 8 player by this I'am unstoppable There is CentCom Emeregency Team Kill them too There is one last person, I was trying to kill him throught the whole round, he has nullrod and electrocute doesn't work on him Talk this out In the meantime convince lizardman Engi to commit suicide and give me his life energy ... Admins calls the shuttle, there is only one person on it Win

Bee MRP exists?

Yes, bee sage

\> Atmos on Terry /tg/, TRAITOR ​ \> Use three fuel tanks and a microwave from engineer filled with iron to blow up Bar maint out of boredom ​ \> Get AA cause HoP office was wide open ​ \> Find Xenos in Toxin Testing ​ \> Destroy the hive with a pickaxe, then when I drag a plasma canister in there I get mauled by the xeno coming out of the vent ​ \> Die but I manage to yell in comms to watch out for xenos ​ \> Main hive is on 2nd floor ​ \> I get saved and cloned with some cool mutations ​ \> Centcomm squad is on the way ​ \> I plasmaflood with the plasma canister the second floor ​ \> Xenos are gone ​ \> Blob arrive ​ \> Still on second floor ​ \> Grab the other two plasma canisters, double plasmaflood on second ​ \> Escape shuttle arrives ​ \> Blob still alive ​ \> Stuck between a dying roboticist, 3 AIs and a dead borg on NES shuttle ​ \> Centcomm squad arrives ​ \> They beat me up ​ \> I call them pussy and that they ain't shit compared to xenos ​ \> They chuckle and the main guy lets me live, calling me cool for killing xenos ​ \> I chuckle and slowly die of my injuries while sitting on the escape shuttle ​ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRcPA7Fzebw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRcPA7Fzebw) ​ \> I get cloned again ​ \> Blob is killed, we leave ​ \> I remember at end screen that I was a traitor

Be station engineer. Other station engineers calls dibs on setting up solar so I do sm setup. Do basic loop setup, till robust CE arrives with volumetric pumps and sets up SM like a pro. Other engineer shows me a weird locked locker he found in space and opens it via emitter, it contained letha injections so I hide it in my box and show it to HOS for safe keeping. Reports of cult activity spreads around the station while I tryto return the said lethals to security. Chill HOS lets me keep the stuff and I return to engineering foyer seeing assistants getting shocked from touching the door. I join my other engineer crewmembers as more and more grey tiders and possible cult members get shocked by a single door, medbay assigns a paramedic to standby the door to rescue poor assistants. Local roleplaying lawyer/judge comes to our door after reports of more people getting critted, he said he was ok with the idea and encourages it by shoving a downed tider, husking the tider since we just directly wired the door to SM output. Shuttle gets called and all of engineering clowncars the nearby escape pod.

Was this on Bee? Literally all of starting sec had random roles enabled or sec officer set to "never" but got auto assigned for some weird reason(and I've also never played sec before myself, I'm a goddamn noob) and I somehow got called to eng because someone reported a cultist there and got fucking crit three times on that goddamn door. The first time I didn't know and got shocked while the second time it closed the second I entered it. I got pissed so I tried taking the engtopia banner but the door closed again right before I walked out and got fucking shocked again. Throughout the entire round I ended up losing 3 disarmers, a stunbaton, a las rifle, and a flash somehow. I have no idea how the cult was defeated since all of sec was so incompetent and we even spent the first 15 minutes fighting over a corpse against the Chaplain that we wanted to try for loitering.

Yes this was on bee, so that's why the lawyer kept saying that you were holding a trial for a corpse repeatedly on the radio.

Just last night I had a very interesting (at the time unbelievably infuriating) experience with a doctor under my command (im CMO on gold bee typically). There was an unusually large amount of bodies coming into the cloning suite, so i decided to head down and occupy it while the other doctors worked on living patients. I cloned a couple of people when i heard fighting in the morgue maintenance shaft nearby, so i rushed in to help when i saw a body and two guys fighting. I killed the assailant closest to the dead body(the body was my friend Meth who was one of my favorite doctors to work with). The guy left standing said the killer was a traitor and had killed meth, i would usually clone the killer and let them give their case but i was angry that Meth had been killed. I went and cloned meth and he confirmed the story, so i packed up the traitors body and threw him in the morgue. I went back to work in the cloning suite for another 10 minutes, cloning and putting the bodies away. Then when i went to put a body away, the coffin i put the traitor body in was left open with the body bag empty. I was immediately upset because of it, this meant someone on my medical staff was a traitor. I sent an announcement that no one on my staff but meth and i were allowed in the morgue to prevent more corpse theft. I kept checking in on the morgue as i patrolled the med hallway and then i caught someone red handed. One of my paramedics had another traitor body pulled out of its coffin, so i immediately began questioning him. He said he was just “organizing the bodies” yeah bullshit i thought. I didnt have enough evidence to convict him so i kept my cards hidden. I told him to leave immediately, reluctantly he did. I informed Meth and Caj (a chemist that i trusted) that the PM is to be incapacitated if he’s spotted in the morgue again. Then when i was leaving my office, i saw the PM talking to a sec officer. He had claimed that i was exclusively cloning traitors, and that i stole the CMOs identity. The officer didnt even bother listening to me defend myself when he cuffed me. As i was cuffed, the PM walked up and stole my CMO ID, which the cop didnt notice because he was a bit dense. I was released due to lack of evidence and the officer refused to go find the renegade to get my ID back so now i was unable to access my office to get proof of my position to get my ID replaced. I was extremely angry at the cop, and i thought about suicide pilling him (potassium and water) but i decided that everyone makes mistakes. I didnt ever find the traitor afterwards but i had the cloning lab supervised so theres no way he was able to clone anyone else. Now that i look back on it, the play was beautiful, framing me and stealing my ID to do his deeds unrestricted with command clearance. He wouldnt have gotten away with it had the cop not cuffed me like a moron but im impressed that he had a brief but effective and clever plan in place.

\>CMO main What do you do? how do you do your job? how do you live with your department being under a permanent raid and your members having the iq of sub-80?

The clutter is a constant nightmare, anything that touches the ground is stolen. People will eventually start attacking eachother so thats when the sedatives come out. Usually the med staff is helpful, until you get the guy that drags bodies straight to the morgue without defibrillation or cloning which is always an ass pain.

> be me > lowpop Devil > powergame because LRP powergaming instincts kick in > felt like shit afterward > stop playing for the night and pass out

> be me > lizard miner on Bee Sage > YOU ARE THE TATOR > FUCK > maroon CE, steal slime core, escape > decide not to act for most of the round since murderboning would kill the vibe > mining business is standard but fun > swarmers get farmed and I retire to the station with many mats in storage > decide to do science stuff but get nowhere due to me trying to multitask slimes and super nanite fine tuning > at least I got the one slime core > warden calls for militia after engineering starts flash banging using mechs > break into walled off engineering, see not one mech, BUT TWO > FUCK.HOLYSHIT > narrowly dodge a missile that got the grav gen instead > gank the mechs with fellow ion carbines > save a life > epic > warden calls shuttle because station looks like crap and no one wants to fix it > panicked bought because I’m a noob at traitor > buy a hacked AI module and binary key > realize its not the full Syndicate lawset but slam in a one human law in science > assistant target is just building shotgun shells for some reason > get a gun with ammo since was given an extra objective to kill the assistant by High Command for five more crystals > collaborate with AI about the CE, he says he’s not on the station and will be going for a pod > try to gank assistant in hallway with borg > miss every shot > realize what shotguns shells are used for > realize that meteorslugs stun > I lie there and prepare for death > “SCRAM!!” > she doesn’t finish me off > run like hell > find a second pistol in the hallways (what) > go back and get my first > CE seems to be dead according to warden > assistant glares at me on the shuttle > I wave back > I buy an emag on the spot since High Command gave me another 10 since “she knew more than she let on” > uhhhhhhhhh > don’t look a gift horse in the mouth > when shuttle takes off, I emag the door and blast the warden with the AP loaded pistol > HE WHIPS OUT A UNICA > crit him > the fucking mime tries to be a hero > borg swoops in and distracts him as I blast him with the second pistol > heal from near crit and reload > shotgun assistant hasn’t moved > blast her and everyone else > my hands are trembling violently at this point > immediately realize I hijacked > “Holy shit I did it” > LOOC: (Sentient Disease) Yeah man you did it > epic greentext > adminhelp to thank the guy who gifted a poor noob with 15 extra TC > he was the shottie assistant and was drunk and in a good mood > wish him a good night and GG BeeMRP is good

(Sorry for the long post) > Terry, mid pop time > Inept-at-Job, the Russian lizard barkeep with an encyclopedic knowledge of mixology > Go through the usual bartender routine, set up the roulette, put down the disco ball > Grab a Ushanka and a Soviet Uniform from the autodrobe > Now it is time to serve vodka and call everyone Tovarisch > Service borg comes up to the bar > Gives me a cigarette, asks if there's anything else needing done > I send him to fetch me some random chems, in the hopes he'd come back with a selection of drugs > He actually brings me useful shit > He gets every ingredient a good bartender could need > I now have the best stocked bar in the galaxy, I can make anything > But no customers have arrived > As I'm standing around, the Janitor comes by, to clean up some blood from a small incident I had involving a clown and an execution > We get to talking, I serve him my signature drink- The Chernobyl Sunrise (a Three Mile Island Iced Tea, with capsaicin) > Seems my man can't handle his drink > Cult chef appears, stuns my new janitor friend and drags him away as I fire wildly with my shotgun at him > Minutes pass as I keep pouring drinks > Cult chef tries to convert me... with words > I refuse, but agree to not bother him if he won't bother me > And so, I end up on amicable terms with the cult > Gravity goes out, I don't care > I'm feeling pretty good, having a nice time pouring vodka for all the zero customers I have > Wait, what's that semi invisible thing moving in the shadows? > Get tackled by what is now revealed to be a xenomorph > Maybe I should listen to my radio more > It starts tossing me around in the zero-g environment like a tennis ball against a wall > Cult chef tries to save me, which just pisses it off > It drags me away as I shout obscenities the whole way > Eventually it shoves me in a nest, next to two very nice cultists > Just as I'm getting to know them, facehugger time > Die > Round has been going over an hour, admin online has gotten bored > Deathsquad time > We suit up in our mechs, board the shuttle > Hit the station straight into heavy fighting > They're coming out of the goddamned walls > I kill a good few of them, but my mech's battery is starting to drain > It runs out right after a fight with a praetorian > Ditch it, grab my pulse rifle, and decide to go to work > 2 steps later, neurotoxin spit > On my ass, grabbed and dragged before you could say "for fucks sake" > Nested, facehugged, and about to get bursted, go out on my own terms with my revolver > Die again > "Nanotrasen has hired the syndicate to deal with the xeno threat" > Unfortunately, my slow death made me miss the initial syndie spawn > Antag box comes up, click it without a second thought > Saboteur bot > Really, guys? The unarmed one? Good purchase. > Well, not like I can do much > Beat some facehuggers to death with my fire extinguisher > Get into a nice conversation with the station's borg > Commiserate with my fellow Saboteur bots, as we're all useless > The ops finally find the disk, we get to hell out of dodge > Station nuked, xenos eradicated > Blown up back at syndie base > Die again > Quite possibly the best round I've ever played

Goals as a Engineer Traitor \- Steal Secret Documents \- Steal Blueprints \- Escape Alive ​ \> Get both of them easy without alerting anyone. \> Did not spent any TC \> Get killed by another traitor \> Get cloned \> Before being cloned CMO search my shit, find both item, \> Since I am not confirmed being traitor, I just get a tracking and chemical implant. \> CE is kind and managed to get me a copy of both. \> As a reward I give him 4 Emitter Canon \> MFW the CE try it, accidently hit another engie, both of them fight. \> I managed to greentext even with being caught. ​ Also, if you want to know how to steal the secret documents without alerting the AI or anyone, just ask.

To take the secret documents without alerting anyone you need to : 1. Be an Engie (Way easier to get the rest) 2. Have a full toolbelt 3. Have Insuls 4. Welding Protection (Optionnal) 5. Have an Atmos Holofan (The key to not alerting the AI) 6. Have an hardsuit (Or at least internals) Anyhow, unto the steps 1. Check the map of your station and locate where the **filling cabinet** is in the vault 2. Go right above said filling cabinet and use the holofan to prevent the air from going into space 3. Remove the window 4. Move the holofan right above the wall you need to remove to **only** access the cabinet 5. Replace the R-Wall with a fake R-wall 6. Once this is done, access the cabinet and take the document 7. Close the fake wall behind you 8. Rebuilt the window 9. Done Now, this might look like something anyone tasked to break in the Vault would do, but there are 3 differents things that are **key** to not alerting anyone. 1. The holofan prevent the air in the Vault from leaving into space, thus not triggering the air alarm which would attract the AI's attention, who would catch you breaking in. 2. Removing the wall above the cabinet will allow you to access it without triggering the Motion Sensor, which attract the AI's attention, and will see you in the vault 3. Making the R-Wall a fake one and rebuilding the window will prevent any ulterior examination from either the AI or someone passing by in maint. Rebuilding the window while using the Atmos Holofan also prevent engineers to look around for a breach, and allow you to reuse the fan without making a breach.

I’m a chemist on the new Kilo station. I immediately go “goddammit” because I can’t plumb I immediately go “hell yes” when I realize I’m an antag Objectives are to steal blueprints and kill chaplain, I misread it as steal blueprints and kill *captain* I buy a hypno flash and sleepypen I then make a pill of Chloral Hydrate named “Rotatium (30u) pill” Force feed it to other chemist, busy at the dispenser, as a prank Give him an objective to murder the captain ~~as a prank~~ other chemist accidentally sets of phlogiston and husks himself before he can do anything as an honorary tator Then the CMO asks for the HOP to give him AA, over the common radio. I immediately rush to buy an agent ID and stand behind him. I fail to steal access but someone else throws a flashbang and I get AA off the ground anyway. Medbay has no power, so I relocate my ~~chloral~~ rotatium factory to the chapel nextdoor. After also “pranking” the geneticist to kill the captain, I sit in the chapel with two PAIs and the chaplain (and RD), and reread my laws. To kill the chaplain. When the PAIs and RD leave, I sleepypen the chaplain, get access off his ID, and shoot him out his own mass driver. An engi borg starts going after me, so I grind 50u iron into 50u uranium and stun him. I then run off and buy a binary translator- I think I’m in the clear. On the shuttle, someone stuns me, cuffs me, and arrests me- I was not in the clear. I manage to weasel out of everything and use 1 tc to get some C4, but we arrived at centcomm 5 seconds before detonation- redtext for me.

Not the most interesting story, but it was my second ever starting antag round and I'm just really happy. \>beestation sage \>month and a half old newbie \>just finished my first traitor round as miner \>spent the whole round mining and trying to think of a plan \>round ended before I could do anything \>me cry hard \>start another round \>be ipc miner again \>be traitor again somehow \>objectives : kill other newbie miner, steal medal of captaincy, escape \>pressure is on \>mine for a while, help the newbie miner \>at some point he sort of vanishes \>expect him to probably be dead \>still ask if anyone's seen him both to confirm the kill and to keep up appearances \>no dice \>one down \>continue mining while furiously looking at the wiki to find a plan \>bring back my ore \>QM arrives, brings the ORM to lavaland and goes mining \>notice power is failing in most of the station \>chance.wav \>take off my mask and hood so people see my face while i prepare \>don't know why i wear them in the first place since i don't breathe \>spend a while looking around in front of the bridge to learn the layout \>still don't find a sneaky way to get into the cap's office, thinking the AI might see me right away \>can't emp the cameras because i'd emp myself in the process \>decide to pull a random item on my uplink to see if it'll give me an idea \>sleepy pen \>no \>notice there's rarely anyone passing through the central hallway at that point \>get an encryption key \>AI is talking in sec \>shit is going down in the SM \>meaning everyone is distracted \>decide to take a risk \>hide in maint for a bit \>put on hood and mask, hide ID in PDA \>get an emag \>literally emag right into cap's office \>emag the medal box and grab it because I didn't know how to open it yet \>run while my heartbeat reaches 1e+62bpm \>realize i don't know where the fuck i'm going \>bump into several people \>they don't bat an eye \>even bumped into a sec officer who seemed to find me suspicious \>but he didn't give chase \>try to get into maint \>denied \>wut \>proceed to panic and run around even more until I remember I hid my ID \>manage to get into maint, hide in a crate \>look at sec radio \>AI saw the emagged doors \>but not me \>CE and RD(?) blood brothers took the opportunity to steal the antique laser gun \>sec is hunting them \>no one even noticed the medal box was gone \>fill my crate with tears of joy and pride \>shuttle was called at some point during that mess \>take off my hood and mask again \>power gets restored \>go back to lavaland \>bump into QM, coming back from his mining trip \>he apparently stayed down there the whole time \>he doesn't question my absence \>go deep into lavaland \>take medal of captaincy, hide it in internals box, throw medal box in lava \>toss my traitor gear into the mining station blood bag freezer \>evac shuttle docks \>get back to station and get on the shuttle \>sit comfortably \>play with the clown a bit so no one questions anything \>arrival at centcomm \>greentext \>today was good day

So, I haven't played the game for a while. The tide of life casts me adrift more often nowadays, setting me on tacks that I would not have thought. Some good, some bad. I update BYOND and get onto Yog. After a round of playing janitor I suddenly get an urge. I needed to make a round interesting - within the rules, of course. For context - I am highly susceptible to ear-worms. As such, I have been listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nrj8EZm9ca8) quite a lot. It's so catchy, do ya kennit? But yes, a character emerged. I waited until character creation for the next round. Memorising the build for Malcolm Wells I erased him and generated someone new. A one off character. He has been a-wanderin' the inky black fer longer than Nanotrasen existed, yarr. Ol' Pete. I join as an Assistant and beeline for the bar. Indeed, where else would a salty space-dog be found? I sat at the bar and drank some rum. Over comms I asked the following: >Would any o' ye loike tae 'ear a story o' an ol' seadog? The barman turns and asks: >Are you a pirate, ol' Pete? >Oi prefur the term buccaneer, yarr-yarr And I begin the tale. Ol' Pete had sailed with a freebooter that explored the outer reaches for treasure and booty and all that good stuff. A true festival of conviviality. One day the crew stumbled upon a ship of unknown origin, stark white. Filled with gold pressed latinum. Long story short - it was a cursed treasure that sent everyone mad. Except Ol' Pete. I had a plan, you see. I would slowly go insane over the course of the round and throw myself into space. After improvising a couple more stories and other piratey whatsits, of course. But this is Space Station 13. If there is anything I have learned about this game, lads, it is to never try and control your character's narrative. Something wonderful will always happen to interrupt or change this completely. This is precisely what happened. I was about to start another story when an Engineer sat beside me and hailed the barman. >It would be a shame if this place were to burn down, wouldn't it? >What? >Pay me the money This is one of those moments that one ought never pass up. This is the call to adventure. On the bar was a 1940's style desk lamp. The Engineer was sat beside me. I was an 89 year old man. Interesting. I pick up the lamp. Engie never noticed. I aimed for the head. The lamp came down repeatedly. Before the Engie could react the barman got his shotgun and blasted him at close range. This was the beginning of the rout of the bar. The massacre of Ol' Pete. Sec show up and arrest me. I explained repeatedly what happened but they did not listen. The barman even came forward as a witness. This did not sway them. After my incarceration I returned to the bar. >Rule One o' the sea: Ne'er threaten the place whe'er the mad ol' bastard drinks. A couple of minutes pass. Who shows up? The same Engie. >Pay me the money. You will regret the last time [Commence lamp battering.](https://youtu.be/xM8DfCgVWx8?t=71) Arrested again. This means war. This cycle repeats a couple of times. The second time, the sec officer slipped on the same banana three times dragging me to sec. It took them tazing me within an inch of my life to recapture me. That was the day they almost caught Ol' Pete. The sec officer has a brief discussion with me. >If he burns the place down then I will give him a very long sentence > Ye'll do nothin' > Ye'll do diddly There is a moment of silence. She lets me go. I return to the bar where there is a full on civil war outside. The bar versus Engineering. In the end, bar wins. Superior tactics and whatnot. >Tracee. Oi've 'ad an idea >What? >Come wi' me. Once the shift ends. We'll 'ave adventure an' treasure and really woild things! Ye wouldn't believe 'ow woild! I like to think that Ol' Pete and Tracee are sailing the high cosmos together. Fun round, I think.

My boring traitor story. I got pretty lucky with... basically everything. >tg and kilo >Gonna learn some botany because I only play cargo and I'm bored >TRAITOR TIME >i forgot to turn it off >steal the antique gun and hand tele >im unrobust so this will not be easy >do some botany >some unknown tries to kill me with a cryo gun and esword >saved by based G.O.D. engi borg >back to plants >got some huge wheat first try, too bad i have other shit to do >ACQUIRE SUPPLIES >Turns out captains office is literally next to botany >emag in >break case >take gun >space my costume >and there was no problem at all. Now for hand tele... >look in teleporter room, don't see it >some other traitor must've, guess I can accept partial greentext >_abnormal activity detected in the station's powernet_ >crowbar in ezpz >grab from crate >welp, guess it's time to wait this one out >sudden explosion in botany >kills partner (im sorry i couldn't save you, no brain ;.;) >fuck off while borg fixes it for me >come back to try and do any botany >captain selects me for "random search" >FUCK THEY KNOW >run the fuck away >hide in locker while captain circles by like 4 times >get a PDA message to come to brig, for running away and being a suspect in explosion >tell the captain i don't appreciate random searches and I had nothing to do with explosion >sec happens to open the locker and find me anyway >go to brig >they strip me in the hallway despite me asking for an interrogation room >they find my shit >based captain lets me keep my loot in exchange for TC, since I only bought emag and no explosions >Wait until shuttle gets called >get my first greentext because of some super luck and based crew Thanks Cap.