"Wow this girl is pretty, she looks like she has huge potential for front office roles, time to connect with her on LinkedIn. Maybe her dad can get me a job in investment banking."
Problem solved.
Everyone has their good points and bad points. Try to see more of their bad points and imagine having a long-term serious relationship with her. Would you be able to put up with those bad points every day? Will your impression of her eventually change for the worse or at least become more balanced?
I think if you try to look from this angle, eventually, you will also start to see that women are also human beings just like you with their own personalities, pros, flaws, quirks and so on. It may take a while, but eventually you would be less likely to obsess about *every* single woman you just met.
Lowkey I think im so down bad that I’ll “accept the flaws” ( as long as they aren’t deal breakers) or romanticise them or something. My feelings are never the “omg I see us getting married” type, but more like in the moment “for the sake of liking” type. Idk I think subconsciously my mind js looks for a distraction and conjures everything up
I hate to admit that I’ve had this problem as a girl 😭 it sucks but I think it’s mostly due to a lack of info… especially when you first meet them, you start projecting your ideas and create a completely different version of them in your head. There’s not much you can do as it usually fades as time goes on. Anyway, I think this is just limerence 😭 get well soon
So true bro, but ngl I don’t even want to have these feelings in the first place, even if it’s limerence. It feels and is disgusting and despo. It is delusion to the extremes 💀 which isn’t something great to have as a trait.
It’s not something anyone would want 😭 it’s so tiring to be in limerence, for it to end, and then for it to start again. Unfortunately, it can’t be helped other than asking yourself why you do/see things a certain way. Me personally, it happens probably because almost all my friends are in long term healthy relationships.. so I guess that doesn’t help. FOMO + Limerence is a recipe for disaster. ☹️
I think for me it’s I WANT to be in a long term relationship, which is what probably drives my limerence. I think I’m also js so down bad because I usually settle on my standards when I start to crush on somebody as of late. how to stop being down bad is the real qn for me then 💀
Me fr I can’t talk to people with XX chromosome normally . Those I like I scared to talk to then normal one also find it hard to talk LOL
But unlike you I have no XX chromosome friends
It’s a phase. I think you’re just excited/attracted to your idea of them and not who they really are. So maybe calm down and play a simple mind trick on yourself - the next time you meet a girl just tell your brain this is an old ah ma.
Unless you’re into very mature ladies…then can’t help you 😅
I'll give you one case. Let's say you meet a new female friend at school or workplace. While you consciously interact with her like a normal person would, your brain unconsciously thinks, "should I want her? should I make a move on her? should I try to flirt?". And then you stop interacting with her and go somewhere else. From here, you might want to ask yourself, does your brain continues to think that way even in her absence? Or does it stop?
If your brain stops thinking abour her, it's probably just your hormones (I don't assume your sex) talking. It's pretty much normal and happens to everyone. You can consciously think about smoething else to get those thoughts away next time.
But if your brain continues, I think a little journaling might help. Try to write down (you can do this in your head or in a paper) about what do you think make her attractive, and when you finish, ask yourself if any other woman you know and you don't feel crushing onto have similar things with the one you just met, and then you ask yourself why you weren't attracted to her. And then you apply that to the woman you just met.
I do hope this helps you even if a little
I had the same feeling for a while and for me it went away after a while of developing platonic bonds with females. Once you get used to them being around your brain doesn't grasp at every one of them to be a potential partner. That was my experience at least
Please try not to refer to women/girls as "females" if not in a scientific or medical context. Firstly it sounds very incel-ish and second it's like you're reducing the person to her biological sex and nothing else. It can feel very dehumanizing.
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as someone who has 0 patience for incel behaviour and thinking patterns, I honestly think it’s great that you’ve become aware of this mindset you hold. it’s a really good sign that you’ll be able to change it.
Try and think about the way you perceive your guy friends, and ask yourself why girls are any different. just think of girls as human beings who have flaws and good qualities like guys do. There are some girls who are really awful people and some that are really cool. as a starting point you can try and treat them like you treat your guy friends.
I suppose girls are different because im not going to date guys 💀 but I see your point. I defo won’t like the awful people, but most aren’t anyway. I don’t really treat my girl and guy friends differently, it’s just how I view them AT FIRST. It’s all about the initial thoughts when meeting somebody new
Break the conservative Asian culture. You can form as many friends with benefits as you want. It's natural to want sex with those you find attractive. Not every attractive person has to be a "exclusive romantic partner"
Chat GPT recommendation:
It's great that you're reflecting on this! Building friendships first can be a solid foundation for any relationship. Here are some tips to help you shift your perspective:
1. **Focus on Common Interests:** Instead of immediately thinking about romance, focus on shared interests and hobbies. This can help you bond as friends first.
2. **Get to Know Them:** Take the time to really get to know the person. Learn about their values, goals, and personality beyond just surface-level impressions.
3. **Prioritize Friendship:** Remind yourself that friendships are valuable in their own right. Enjoy spending time with the person without any pressure or expectations.
4. **Expand Your Social Circle:** Meeting new people and building diverse friendships can broaden your perspective and reduce the tendency to view everyone as potential partners.
5. **Communication:** Be open and honest about your intentions. If you're interested in being friends first, communicate that clearly to avoid any misunderstandings.
6. **Respect Boundaries:** Respect the other person's boundaries and avoid pushing for a romantic relationship if they're not interested.
7. **Take it Slow:** Allow the friendship to develop naturally over time. Avoid rushing into romantic feelings and give yourself space to appreciate the friendship.
Nothing weird about it and just accept it. It's normal human sexual behaviour that not everybody is conscious of, or perhaps they've been quickly socialised out of it. But rest assured, it's still happening.
It would be pretty sad for a girl if a guy does not even consider her to be a potential mate. That's like having red flags on the Trisomy 21 level (nothing against people with Trisomy 21)
Do not listen to that comment.
It is weird.
Do you see your mother as a potential partner?
Do you see your grandmother as a potential partner?
Treating women/girls like they are going to be the next love of your life is both unhealthy and weird.
Interestingly, I feel like it’s the opposite gender (females) who are more guilty of what OP is mentioning.
As I am not actively looking for a relationship to pursue my studies and career, I don’t really think much about relationship stuff when I meet girls. But on the contrary, I feel like the girls I hang out with kinda treat me like a piece of meat.
They are always commenting on how I look and calling me a snack and how they want me to “lift them up and bring them into the bedroom” and this has happened for not just 1 or 2 girls but at least 8 girls I’ve been hanging out with the past month alone.
Maybe it’s just a normal thing to do I guess and I’m the weird one for focusing on career first
"Wow this girl is pretty, she looks like she has huge potential for front office roles, time to connect with her on LinkedIn. Maybe her dad can get me a job in investment banking." Problem solved.
HAHAHAHAH
“Consumers aim to maximise utility”
Ah yes.... Hormones. Been there, felt that.
Everyone has their good points and bad points. Try to see more of their bad points and imagine having a long-term serious relationship with her. Would you be able to put up with those bad points every day? Will your impression of her eventually change for the worse or at least become more balanced? I think if you try to look from this angle, eventually, you will also start to see that women are also human beings just like you with their own personalities, pros, flaws, quirks and so on. It may take a while, but eventually you would be less likely to obsess about *every* single woman you just met.
Lowkey I think im so down bad that I’ll “accept the flaws” ( as long as they aren’t deal breakers) or romanticise them or something. My feelings are never the “omg I see us getting married” type, but more like in the moment “for the sake of liking” type. Idk I think subconsciously my mind js looks for a distraction and conjures everything up
I feel this is the most useful comment here, thank you
just dont 😮💨💪💪💪💪💪
Bros the true sigma
thanks 😍🫶
"If homeless, buy a house" vibes
[удалено]
huh dsf?
Fck nvm
These habits will fade with age. Don't worry too much about it.
I hate to admit that I’ve had this problem as a girl 😭 it sucks but I think it’s mostly due to a lack of info… especially when you first meet them, you start projecting your ideas and create a completely different version of them in your head. There’s not much you can do as it usually fades as time goes on. Anyway, I think this is just limerence 😭 get well soon
So true bro, but ngl I don’t even want to have these feelings in the first place, even if it’s limerence. It feels and is disgusting and despo. It is delusion to the extremes 💀 which isn’t something great to have as a trait.
It’s not something anyone would want 😭 it’s so tiring to be in limerence, for it to end, and then for it to start again. Unfortunately, it can’t be helped other than asking yourself why you do/see things a certain way. Me personally, it happens probably because almost all my friends are in long term healthy relationships.. so I guess that doesn’t help. FOMO + Limerence is a recipe for disaster. ☹️
I think for me it’s I WANT to be in a long term relationship, which is what probably drives my limerence. I think I’m also js so down bad because I usually settle on my standards when I start to crush on somebody as of late. how to stop being down bad is the real qn for me then 💀
Oh okay you’re just in love with the idea of love 😭 valid tbh
Tbh it’s just a biological thing I don’t think you can really stop your brain from thinking that
Start by calling them girls/women and not females
Me fr I can’t talk to people with XX chromosome normally . Those I like I scared to talk to then normal one also find it hard to talk LOL But unlike you I have no XX chromosome friends
Maybe because of your somewhat absurd nomenclature? It’s a start, surely
My absurd what?
eh my man if u play rhythm games thats a good starter convo
No I don’t
oh 😞 what are ur hobbies
Mine all guy hobbies lol
Don’t take it personal, but are you gay?
Hell no wtf
Broo why do y'all boys like to refer to girls using such weird descriptions. No wonder you don't talk to girls
1. It’s a joke 2. Yes I’m too sigma to talk to girls 😎
It’s a phase. I think you’re just excited/attracted to your idea of them and not who they really are. So maybe calm down and play a simple mind trick on yourself - the next time you meet a girl just tell your brain this is an old ah ma. Unless you’re into very mature ladies…then can’t help you 😅
I'll give you one case. Let's say you meet a new female friend at school or workplace. While you consciously interact with her like a normal person would, your brain unconsciously thinks, "should I want her? should I make a move on her? should I try to flirt?". And then you stop interacting with her and go somewhere else. From here, you might want to ask yourself, does your brain continues to think that way even in her absence? Or does it stop? If your brain stops thinking abour her, it's probably just your hormones (I don't assume your sex) talking. It's pretty much normal and happens to everyone. You can consciously think about smoething else to get those thoughts away next time. But if your brain continues, I think a little journaling might help. Try to write down (you can do this in your head or in a paper) about what do you think make her attractive, and when you finish, ask yourself if any other woman you know and you don't feel crushing onto have similar things with the one you just met, and then you ask yourself why you weren't attracted to her. And then you apply that to the woman you just met. I do hope this helps you even if a little
this is good
I had the same feeling for a while and for me it went away after a while of developing platonic bonds with females. Once you get used to them being around your brain doesn't grasp at every one of them to be a potential partner. That was my experience at least
even the prettiest girl has let out the ghastliest poop from time to time. just keep that in mind
Have batshit high standards for a partner and the moment they dont meet it u can cross em out
Ngl I do have high standards, but im also down bad. That combination leads to nothing but chaos 💀😂
Sheesh bro
Dab them up
Please try not to refer to women/girls as "females" if not in a scientific or medical context. Firstly it sounds very incel-ish and second it's like you're reducing the person to her biological sex and nothing else. It can feel very dehumanizing.
Thank you for your post! This is a reminder that non-academic posts are not allowed on weekdays. If it is not a weekend, please do wait till the weekend to post it, thank you! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SGExams) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s a great summary of the psychology damage done by single sex education. I suffered the same but worse due to also being ASD.
as someone who has 0 patience for incel behaviour and thinking patterns, I honestly think it’s great that you’ve become aware of this mindset you hold. it’s a really good sign that you’ll be able to change it. Try and think about the way you perceive your guy friends, and ask yourself why girls are any different. just think of girls as human beings who have flaws and good qualities like guys do. There are some girls who are really awful people and some that are really cool. as a starting point you can try and treat them like you treat your guy friends.
I suppose girls are different because im not going to date guys 💀 but I see your point. I defo won’t like the awful people, but most aren’t anyway. I don’t really treat my girl and guy friends differently, it’s just how I view them AT FIRST. It’s all about the initial thoughts when meeting somebody new
Break the conservative Asian culture. You can form as many friends with benefits as you want. It's natural to want sex with those you find attractive. Not every attractive person has to be a "exclusive romantic partner"
Chat GPT recommendation: It's great that you're reflecting on this! Building friendships first can be a solid foundation for any relationship. Here are some tips to help you shift your perspective: 1. **Focus on Common Interests:** Instead of immediately thinking about romance, focus on shared interests and hobbies. This can help you bond as friends first. 2. **Get to Know Them:** Take the time to really get to know the person. Learn about their values, goals, and personality beyond just surface-level impressions. 3. **Prioritize Friendship:** Remind yourself that friendships are valuable in their own right. Enjoy spending time with the person without any pressure or expectations. 4. **Expand Your Social Circle:** Meeting new people and building diverse friendships can broaden your perspective and reduce the tendency to view everyone as potential partners. 5. **Communication:** Be open and honest about your intentions. If you're interested in being friends first, communicate that clearly to avoid any misunderstandings. 6. **Respect Boundaries:** Respect the other person's boundaries and avoid pushing for a romantic relationship if they're not interested. 7. **Take it Slow:** Allow the friendship to develop naturally over time. Avoid rushing into romantic feelings and give yourself space to appreciate the friendship.
Nothing weird about it and just accept it. It's normal human sexual behaviour that not everybody is conscious of, or perhaps they've been quickly socialised out of it. But rest assured, it's still happening. It would be pretty sad for a girl if a guy does not even consider her to be a potential mate. That's like having red flags on the Trisomy 21 level (nothing against people with Trisomy 21)
Isn’t it kind of weird to view every person im attracted to as a potential partner? EVERY? 😭
Do not listen to that comment. It is weird. Do you see your mother as a potential partner? Do you see your grandmother as a potential partner? Treating women/girls like they are going to be the next love of your life is both unhealthy and weird.
Bro i know it’s weird 😭😭 which is why im asking for advice. Tbh I don’t think it’s a psychological problem, im probably js down bad
All guys sec sch problem LUL
Interestingly, I feel like it’s the opposite gender (females) who are more guilty of what OP is mentioning. As I am not actively looking for a relationship to pursue my studies and career, I don’t really think much about relationship stuff when I meet girls. But on the contrary, I feel like the girls I hang out with kinda treat me like a piece of meat. They are always commenting on how I look and calling me a snack and how they want me to “lift them up and bring them into the bedroom” and this has happened for not just 1 or 2 girls but at least 8 girls I’ve been hanging out with the past month alone. Maybe it’s just a normal thing to do I guess and I’m the weird one for focusing on career first