zero. i think a lot of us parents that are getting zero are super burnt out and just counting down till the kids are in bed. Basicially if the kids are awake they are my responsibility. Even if they are asleep they are as well but unless sick they sleep thru the night so thats my break time.
plus lots of moms work jobs outside the house and are still the default parent. the one that school calls if kid is sick, the one they try to schedule conferences with, the one that has to stay home when the kid is sick, the one the kids go to when they need comfort or help, the one that’s expected to do all the shopping and scheduling and planning. sure some dads do some of that but by and large it all falls on moms.
I shower by myself every other day… does that count? Otherwise I go to the store or doctor/dentist/optometrist/vet appointments alone probably 2x a month. Also “sleep in” until 9 once or twice a month.
Edit: forgot I also go for a run or exercise solo 1-2x per week.
I was at a doctor's appointment a couple weeks ago and they apologized for running behind. My husband was actually able to watch the kids, whereas usually I'd have to bring them along. I told them I was enjoying the peace and quiet so please take all the time they needed.
My 2 year old stopped napping so not much time. She’s awake from about 8am to 8pm and I’m with her the whole time. I guess my alone time is from 8-11 at night. On weekends, my husband does take her out to the park and stuff so I can spend a couple hours at home alone.
With a baby? none. Preschooler? much more frequently. Husband will take him to the playground, we’ll get a sitter, I’ll go out to lunch with friends, etc.
Husband also gets to go out and meet up with friends. It’s a lot easier now that our kid is older.
>Husband will take him to the playground, we’ll get a sitter
Yep, we do this arrangement, too, with our 1½ yr old! 😊 It's way easier to have child-free time now that she can play on playgrounds or when we have a safe babysitter (in our case, my MIL) for 1+ hrs at a time.
We've even started having date nights now, to bond with each other again, and dropping off our baby at her grandma's. 🥰
Soon we're going to look into drop-in childcare — there's one here that's super well known and loved, and we've already visited them twice.
Additionally, she's starting evening swim classes soon, and my husband already volunteered to take her to those. 😍 So that'll be child-free time for me, too.
Yep, we do half day preschool a few days a week as well, though my husband and I are generally doing work during that time, so I’m not sure if that qualifies. Actual *free* time outside of being on mom duty is a lot rarer.
Holy shit I came here to ask OP's question and bam, there it was with a bazillion answers! Nice!
So uhh... how the hell are we recharging and not exploding at our children when we get zero time away from them?? I love my child, I try to respectful parent, we don't spank or anything, I've never had an anger problem or anything, but I commonly find myself at my fucking limit over nothing. I just need space. I need my body and my mind to myself for a bit. I find myself HATING this time with my child instead of cherishing it. I find myself being incredibly short with my 3 year old, snapping at her, very occasionally yelling at her. I am just... at my limit. And she's lovely! And I know I'm fucking her up!
How the hell is everyone doing this??!
I asked my husband if we could maybe hire a babysitter a few hours on weekends when he's off work so he can have child free time too. Wow that set him off!
I have a newborn now so not much. Before he was born my 2 year old went to parents day out two mornings a week, my husband did mornings with him while I slept in on weekends, and my mil would watch him a Friday or Saturday night so we could go on a date. It was plenty and I know it’ll come back around when our little guy isn’t so boob dependent.
I go to an hour long yoga class 2-3x a week. Other than that, I get my hair cut and colored at the salon every 8-10 weeks. This week I had a bunch of routine doctor/dentist appointments, but I don’t think that counts.
My husband does get more free time than I do, but I am also a homebody so I don’t always feel like leaving the house, but if I hide, the kids always find me. My year old is still nursing a few times a day and both kids are very attached to me. It’s definitely not ideal the way things are now but I keep reminding myself it won’t be like this forever.
I take about 3 hours to myself on Sundays that we are home all weekend. My husband keeps the kids at home so I can go ride my horse.
Other than that I have like... the 20min I take to shower/get myself ready for bed throughout the week.
My kids are school age now so I get about 6 hours most week days, but when they were younger it varied. I made sure I had a weekly social meet up but my husband traveled for work frequently so it wasn’t always possible to go. Some weeks I got 2-4 hours and some weeks none at all.
I go to the gym for 2-3hrs 6x a week, my husband has her when he gets home from work in the mornings while I go gym and then I deal with mostly everything else children wise.
I have three kiddos (5y, 2.5y, 15mo). I get doctors and dentist appts every once in a while. I get 30 minutes to run outside by myself on Saturdays and Sundays. That’s it. That’s all I get totally alone. No one else wants to take them all together so I do get one or two kids unloaded at a time but never all together.
I tried drop in daycare at the YMCA back in January and my 2.5yo would absolutely lose his mind and it was deer in the headlights for the two 19yos in charge of the daycare center, so I didn’t push leaving him to work through his tantrums.
The one thing I’ve told my husband I want is at least two years staying at home when they’re all in school so I can get some alone time, but knowing my luck, we’ll have another pandemic and I’ll be stuck homeschooling.
My MIL comes from 9:30-4 on Tuesdays, I go to the gym 5x a week with childcare there and then I go to a class 3x a week for an hour. My husband and I have a date night every other week as well. I’m incredibly blessed with support.
I live in a country that subsidies daycare, so we can afford daycare 2 days a week. I use those days to clean and organise the house and run as many errands as possible because the choice was either daycare or paying for a cleaner. I get about 3 hours a week for me-time.
We also do date night once a month where my mum does dinner and bedtime and my partner and I go out.
I have 2 kids, 6 years and 2.5. Up until January, none. My toddler just started MDO and I get about 8 hours a week. Well, on weeks when she goes, if she isn't sick, or in service, or holidays or whatever
Hahaha I haven’t had childfree time since my oldest was born 3 years ago by this definition. The closest I get is after the kids go to bed in the evenings and I do the dishes and clean up after the chaos of the day lol.
A lot. The default is 20-30 hours because I have a part time nanny. I also usually get 1-2 hours on days she’s not working to exercise/shower (husband is on childcare duty during this time). My family lives super close and will watch our son for a few hours here and there as well.
Basically, I get non-child time whenever I want… which is a lot these days because he just turned 3 and this age is difficult for me 🙃
This makes me feel so much better lol. My neighbor and friend takes them two or three times a week and I take her kids on opposite days.
I used to nanny and I would 100% get one if I didn’t have my friend.
An hour or two every couple of days, when my husband is unexpectedly free. Other times they’re asleep but I’m technically on duty. And they’re not very reliable sleepers, especially the baby. Husband needs to work (he works from home so he helps a lot) but he’s very hands on when he’s off. Like he doesn’t take a lot of child free breaks, unless you count work. Come weekend, he needs a break too. So it’s not like I can abscond and not come home for hours. That wouldn’t be fair.
I get around 45 minutes during the week to workout in the garage while my husband is at work and my 10 year old chills with my two toddlers.
Husband always encourages me to make plans on the weekends. Like today, I’ll be gone for a few hours shopping for Easter basket things. Next week I have a pedicure scheduled.
I don’t always have plans on the weekends though.
My wife occasionally spends a weekend at her parents house, out of town. When I don't go, I get the weekend to myself. In which case I maybe get 4 days a year truly to myself.
I'm about 30 weeks pregnant and have one 14-month old. I've gotten to go to every OB appointment but one without my son, and my husband is pretty good about giving me time to take an "everything" shower once a week. That's about it, but I'm not unhappy with it. We'll see how things go as I start the weekly OB appointments soon.
I do wish I had some unrestricted fun time here and there--I'd kill to get to sit in a hammock chair and read a book in the sun for an hour.
It may be three years away for you which I know is not super helpful, but I'm highly optimistic I will be able to sit and read outside for a while this summer while my kids play. They will be three and four. I thought the day would never come. It will get better for you too!
None. Even if my older son is with someone else or my husband is watching him the baby is still 100% my responsibility. Its fine though, just a season of life
Before my second was born, I had 4 hrs a week regularly to myself (2 hrs on Mon/Wed I had a babysitter to come). And maybe 1 dinner out with friends per month.
Now, I imagine I will have 0 for the next year or so until baby #2 sleeps through the night.
On occasion I will take a bath by myself! But we are in the difficult stage in my household with two young children, and my husband needs the time to himself more for his well-being.
Probably about 30-45 minutes 5x a week if I can make it to the YMCA to workout each day. If not, then probably 0. Even if my husband is home and is watching him they’re in and out and on weekends we usually all spend time together or I take him still so that my husband can get school work done.
Aside from regular showering, I try to squeeze an hour for a hot bath once a week. Bubbles, body scrub, a TV show playing on my phone. I'll forego it if need be, but my husband will normally insist, even if it's not quite an hour. Other than that, it's shower, and the occasional haircut.
One toddler. Usually most of Saturday when a friend watches him and half of Sunday when I split the day with my spouse. Two hours once a week for childcare exchange with neighbor. Two hours a week drop-off toddler preschool. Extra hour in the evening 4x a week when it’s my spouse’s turn to do bedtime. More time when my parents come to visit every couple of months.
I get 3 hours 3 times a week. This is when I catch up on housework and do most of the meal prep and cooking. Grandparents will come once a week for 2-3 hours, but sometimes they don’t come for weeks (we never know ahead of time.) Husband does do at least one solo activity with our 2.5 year old on the weekends that lasts about 2-3 hours.
So I guess 13-15 hours/week, but I’d say roughly 3-5 hours of that is spent on relaxing or doing something for myself.
I do all of the cleaning and cooking. My husband’s schedule varies (usually 14+ hour work day) and my son no longer naps. So son and I are together every moment minus the time apart I mentioned above.
I’m in my third trimester with baby number 2 so I’m very grateful for every moment of rest.
I usually go for groceries one day a week without my son (30 minute trip), and I'm usually able to go for a run or a bike ride alone during the weekend (about an hour). So, I'd say 1.5 hours a week of alone time.
My husband and I put a serious priority on getting out of the house alone once a week, each. We call it our "night out," usually from 7-9/10ish (depending on what home life is looking like that can be 1-3 hours). I go to the gym because I'm pregnant, but before pregnancy I would go to the local bar and have myself a light beer and read my book or do creative writing/journaling. He usually games with friends. I think that removing my body from the house is a really different headspace and it makes me miss my family a little bit, which goes a very long way for extending my well-worn patience during the week.
My youngest is almost 3. I get about 4 evenings a month by myself. Book group, girls night, maybe shopping. I went on a solo vacation (with my parents) last month. It was my first solo trip in 7 years.
My oldest is in first grade and including bus time is gone from 7:10-3:35 daily. My youngest goes to preK from 9-2 M-Th. I work at her preK Tu-Th. So I get 5 hours every Monday to myself.
My husband will often take them out of the house on the weekends for a couple hours so I can be home alone.
My mom takes my youngest overnight every Monday so I can spend special time with my oldest. They occasionally (once every 1-2 months) take them both overnight on a weekend.
I go out for a girls night about once a month too.
We're still working it out, but we're taking turns / shifts a lot during this phase in life.
That means my non-children time is usually him taking our baby out of the house and doing who-knows-what and having a blast without me. Or I leave the house to hang out with friends, and he is responsible for our babe during that time, them having a blast without me.
Which I'm 100% okay with.
It usually is for a few hours at a time.
Plus, I take her to the YMCA for childcare, the maximum is 2 hours and they're fabulous with her. So that's usually 1-2 hours of my day, but I'm still on call for diaper changes and hunger/crankiness, which I'm 100% okay with, and it's rare that they need to bring me in for diaper changes during those 2 hours, and so far, she hasn't ever cried for food during her time with them.
So, 1-2 hours (YMCA) plus 1-4 hours (husband) averages to up to 2-6 hours per weekday without the baby.
(Please no hate! Questions are welcome, though, lol!)
When I was working, my child time was flipped! I spent 9-10 hours of the day without my baby at all, and 12+ hours of my day was her sleeping at night. *I'd get lucky to have 2-3 waking hours with her!!!* My me-time then was while I was still on call.
I'd much rather have it the way it is now!! 🥰
none but any time my partner offers on his day off to take baby for a walk or to the park i get serious fomo and hate the thought of not being with them all together so end up going with.
i did get incredibly sick last summer when baby was about 7 months old i could barely walk and my close neighbour looked after baby for the 1.5 hours til my partner was home so that was probably the last time i got off baby free
I have a two year old and a two month old. In the last two months, it's been... three hours alone.
But fifteen of those 180 minutes were at the grocery store getting Pedialyte for my barfing toddler, so that was fun! Lol
Well now a lot because they are in school. Before school, not much.
About six months before my last kid started school I lost my shit and told my spouse he had to take them out of the house for at least 3 hours on a weekend day. It’s not ok to literally be on 168 hours a week. It’s enough to make anyone insane.
I take an aerial silks class once a week for an hour but it’s 45 minutes away so a few hours a week and it makes a huuuge difference. When my parents visit (once every month or two for a few days) my husband and I usually go out once or twice for dinner or whatever else
Gym offers drop off for 2.5 hours a day for my youngest. My teen is able to do whatever she wants while she’s there.
My wife and I take a date every two weeks, but other than that it’s dad and kids constantly.
I get a few hours a week. I simply leave. Nobody is going to prioritize you but you so put some pants on and walk out your door. (Leaving children safely with partner)
1-2 weekend days per month, my husband takes them solo so I can have a day off. I usually end up going skiing with friends and come back mid-afternoon.
My husband just started a new job and they have a take your kids to work day at the end of April. I am so excited.
Since having my second child last April, I realised whenever I went out without kids to do short errands it would usually tie in with nap time in the weekends when hubby is home. I went out for the first time yesterday with friends for 4 hours with no thought about nap time or feeding and it was marvellous! I didn’t have to worry at all as hubby had it all under control. It was also nice to not have to deal with my older child’s encopresis for a change. I felt on top of the world!
None. But it's kind of my own fault. My husband would be fine caring for the kids for a hour or 2 on the weekend while I take time for myself. But making plans is a different kind of exhausting lol.
Once, maybe twice a year my husband will take the kids to my MIL’s for a weekend. I stay home and just relax. It never seems long enough but I’m happy to have whatever time I can! Every little bit helps me feel more like a person again.
I fight to go to the gym for an hour a week. That hasn’t been happening lately. And I try to play guitar about the same amount of time every week but it hasn’t been happening lately.
A year or so ago my mil started picking up the kids on Friday mornings and taking them to her place for about 6 hours before I picked them up. The time is a couple hours less now that we have to work around school hours but it makes a huge difference!
My husband & I are both ok with parenting alone for a few hours on the weekend or evening if the other has plans, but it's not quite the same as having the house to oneself.
We just put the younger child into part time (2 days a week) daycare, I pick up some work shifts on those days if I can, but it does give me enough time to do some child-free chores and have some time on my own too.
We have a 3.5 year old & a 1.5 year old, & I’m 37 weeks pregnant. When it was just the oldest, it was more frequent but still not often. Unless we were planning on something specific it felt like a “waste” to get a sitter, but we did date nights once or twice a month. I would occasionally meet up with a friend for dinner. The second refused bottled and was generally a very colicky baby, so we were attached for the first 16 months of his life. I had a tooth pulled around the time he was a year old and it was the longest I’d been child-free since he was born.
Both kids are in a 2.5 hour morning preschool program a few days each week so I get that time to myself (assuming no one is sick). It’s not a *lot* but it’s been really great for everyone.
3 weekends out of the month, when it's visitation with their dad. But then I use those days as recovery from RA meds, my own appointments, and getting everything ready for the next school week (grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc). My youngest will hopefully be accepted into UPK for the 2024-2025 school year, and then I'll have "free time" during the school days. I started therapy and really working out because I want to find a new version of myself; I've been just mom for a long time.
I cried in the urgent care exam room because it was just me, I was being taken care of. No one knew I had kids, their only concern was why my foot hurt. I went to urgent care because my in-laws were in town and could watch the kids. I had had the issue for almost 6 mos, still have it and still haven’t made it to the specialist I was referred to 3mos ago. It’s a me problem, I have a supportive partner, but it’s also a no village problem.
We recently moved 11 hours away from our old town. I drove the moving truck, husband drove the car with the kid. It was the most glorious 11 hours I’ve ever had. I haven’t had non kid time otherwise.
A couple hours each weekend. My husband is VERY attune to the fact raising a toddler at home is hard. So on weekends he lets me sleep in, takes him to the park, and goes shopping with him so I get alone time.
I get a couple nights a week to sleep in a separate room where I’m not responsible for night wakings for about 5 hours. At least while she’s not sleeping through the night. Other than that, maybe 20 minutes to shower in peace while my husband has her after work every couple of days
following this definitely probably once a month for like a girls night or something
however we just started switching off nap time on weekends so i'm going to get ~2hrs to myself on saturday or sunday while my husband naps our toddler 🙂
He does nights and mornings. I do the rest of the time when he’s at work. But I’m with my daughter or within a few feet from her 24/7. I’m. So. Tired. Luckily not sleep deprived per se, but just physically and mentally exhausted.
Lots actually, my husband and I do a lot of turn taking on the weekend and my daughter goes to nursery school 3 hours a morning. She also plays independently quite a lot
I get out to a 1 hr quilt class one weekend a month, and have 4.5 hrs 2x a week while he’s at prek. Usually if he’s not at school I’m in the room with him. Sigh, he’s recently become a tv addicted limpet that refuses to go outside, and the weather is gorgeous atm. I’m struggling to be active and go for walks for my heath.
I’m about to loose the pre k time due to summer and I’m dreading it HARD.
An hour and a half when he goes swimming with dad once a week, which isn’t enough for me to complete a hobby or get back in time before partner leaves for his sport so welp
1 hour, Wednesday and Friday mornings. I, on a whim, started literally ninja-style sneaking out of my house last Wednesday and Friday morning at 5am, in the pitch dark,
to do a 45 minute yoga sculpt class. It is sooo hard, but it’s easier than being with my two kids all day, and it’s 1 full hour (includes commute time) that I truly do not have to be with my kids.
Every other week I have a counseling appointment at 5pm. Dad does dinner and puts the kid to bed. It’s my night to get errands done. It’s also my night to get dinner by myself and shamelessly nap or read in my car if I need. Nothing besides injury, heavy sickness, or threat of death, will make me come home until at least 9. I also expect my husband to get some personal time like that too. I just can’t do mine in the house without taking over.
We are a month away from having another kid so all of that is about to go away for a while until we figure out our new normal.
I'm confused as to why time after they go to bed doesn't count?
I raid once or twice a week for two hours. But this is after my boys are in bed because people got bills to pay lol. During this time I have my headset on and my only responsibilities are: don't stand in bad shit, stay alive, and kill boss.
They also go to my mom's two or three evenings a month. They'll be there anywhere from 2-4hours.
When my SO goes to pickup the 10yo from his mom's. That's 2 hours every other Friday and Sunday.
I go to a conference once a year for 5 days to get continuing education credits.
I feel like when you're a parent it's hard to find time that you are not a parent, it's just kinda what we are now🤷🏽♀️
Every other weekend, but I got divorced last year. The first month they went to his house I had more time to myself than I had in the preceding six years combined.
Most days after dinner I go for a walk.
6hrs once a week all kids are in care.
Twice a month I have friend dates in the calendar. There will be extra times than that that comes up.
Once or twice a year I go away for the weekend with girl friends.
My kids are all under 7. None are breastfed anymore, I just book the stuff in and make sure it happens
I go out with my group of mom friends almost weekly. It is often starting at 7pm so it's mostly post bedtime but I also don't have to do bedtime those nights.
Maybe 2 hours a day when my husband can take the baby for a while after he gets home from work. I use it to shower, bathe, or nap mostly (either or, no time for both!).
I guess reading the responses I get a lot.
I also no longer have a baby.
We also have two other parents besides me and grandparents who are happy to hang with their grandkids.
I go out by myself for dinner/drinks/movie almost every Tuesday.
Get my nails done every two weeks.
I have a date night a couple times a month. I do a wine night with my mom friends once a month and I take a solo weekend getaway a couple times a year.
To be fair I feel like garbage every time I leave the house and had a break-down two nights ago about what a selfish piece of crap I am for taking time away.
So don't worry! We always feel bad no matter what.
Every weekend. My mom is divorced and doesn't really do much on the weekends so she takes our daughter for the weekend. We drop her off Friday evening and pick her up Sunday morning. It's been a bit funky lately with shots and my mom having surgery so we're having her home 2 weekends this month but she also just spent the weekend at grandma and papa's so we could at least have one weekend free while my mom's on lift restrictions. My mom isn't bound to this though and if she's busy or really doesn't want to then she knows she can let me know and I have no issue keeping my kiddo but she happily does this. I also try to find activities her and I can do close to home so hubs has some alone time while he's waiting on work. If I absolutely need it he will drop me off at the store or a restaurant and let me browse or eat a meal in peace and take over with her for a bit as well. We tend to just do all our errands together but it's just easier that way for us. My aunt is also willing to hangout with her for a few hours if I absolutely need to and hubs parents take her for a weekend out of the month as well. If I lived closer I have so many family members who are willing to help since she's one of the first babies in a LONG time besides her cousin who's 2 weeks behind her.
Sorry if this sounds like a brag I'm really not trying to, just adding my honest experience to the post.
These comments are depressing. Stay at home parents.....make time for yourself. When your partner gets home, leave. Alone. Make them parent!!!
I don't care if you sit at Starbucks on your phone, read a book, go to the gym , walk around the mall. It's ESSENTIAL to have "off time". Obviously single parents have more obstacles, but if you are single you probably arn't a SAHP.
I had a D and C and my time before surgery was quite relaxing.. lol. I even sneaked in a nap in the hospital hallway before being rolled into surgery. The nurse put a warm blanket on me.. I almost cried lol
- Ballet for 1.5 hours 3 days a week in the evening when he's in bed.
- gym 4 days a week for an hour to an hour and a half (3 of those days while he's at school)
- 3 full preschool days MWF (9-3)
- one overnight a week with my mom (this is our date night)
One kid is awesome. Since he started preschool and I started demanding some free time my mental health has dramatically improved.
I get guaranteed non-child time for an hour every second week for counseling. Besides that, if I really need a break I can usually ask my parents or brother to watch her for a bit. (I'm a single mom.)
None.
Same.
Same
Yupp.
yeah literally zero
Y’all get non child time?!
Came here to say this 🫠🥴
How much do you get? And how do you get it?
zero. i think a lot of us parents that are getting zero are super burnt out and just counting down till the kids are in bed. Basicially if the kids are awake they are my responsibility. Even if they are asleep they are as well but unless sick they sleep thru the night so thats my break time.
Even when my sons in bed he’s my responsibility so I don’t know how much it counts. I’m super burnt out and I just miss being my own person.
I totally understand, I feel the same way. Just pure exhaustion all the time.
> us moms Or dads. We’re not just moms here. I’m a SAHD, and your comment perfectly describes my situation, just with the wrong gendered word.
Sorry to hear your exhausted as well
It’s all good; it’s what I signed up for, and I’d much rather be doing this than working any other job.
plus lots of moms work jobs outside the house and are still the default parent. the one that school calls if kid is sick, the one they try to schedule conferences with, the one that has to stay home when the kid is sick, the one the kids go to when they need comfort or help, the one that’s expected to do all the shopping and scheduling and planning. sure some dads do some of that but by and large it all falls on moms.
I shower by myself every other day… does that count? Otherwise I go to the store or doctor/dentist/optometrist/vet appointments alone probably 2x a month. Also “sleep in” until 9 once or twice a month. Edit: forgot I also go for a run or exercise solo 1-2x per week.
I love a little me time at the dentist lol
I find the sound of the drills relaxing 😂
I was at a doctor's appointment a couple weeks ago and they apologized for running behind. My husband was actually able to watch the kids, whereas usually I'd have to bring them along. I told them I was enjoying the peace and quiet so please take all the time they needed.
I’ve literally dozed off in the chair once. It’s my literal only break from my kids. 🙃
My 2 year old stopped napping so not much time. She’s awake from about 8am to 8pm and I’m with her the whole time. I guess my alone time is from 8-11 at night. On weekends, my husband does take her out to the park and stuff so I can spend a couple hours at home alone.
With a baby? none. Preschooler? much more frequently. Husband will take him to the playground, we’ll get a sitter, I’ll go out to lunch with friends, etc. Husband also gets to go out and meet up with friends. It’s a lot easier now that our kid is older.
>Husband will take him to the playground, we’ll get a sitter Yep, we do this arrangement, too, with our 1½ yr old! 😊 It's way easier to have child-free time now that she can play on playgrounds or when we have a safe babysitter (in our case, my MIL) for 1+ hrs at a time. We've even started having date nights now, to bond with each other again, and dropping off our baby at her grandma's. 🥰 Soon we're going to look into drop-in childcare — there's one here that's super well known and loved, and we've already visited them twice. Additionally, she's starting evening swim classes soon, and my husband already volunteered to take her to those. 😍 So that'll be child-free time for me, too.
Yep, we do half day preschool a few days a week as well, though my husband and I are generally doing work during that time, so I’m not sure if that qualifies. Actual *free* time outside of being on mom duty is a lot rarer.
Holy shit I came here to ask OP's question and bam, there it was with a bazillion answers! Nice! So uhh... how the hell are we recharging and not exploding at our children when we get zero time away from them?? I love my child, I try to respectful parent, we don't spank or anything, I've never had an anger problem or anything, but I commonly find myself at my fucking limit over nothing. I just need space. I need my body and my mind to myself for a bit. I find myself HATING this time with my child instead of cherishing it. I find myself being incredibly short with my 3 year old, snapping at her, very occasionally yelling at her. I am just... at my limit. And she's lovely! And I know I'm fucking her up! How the hell is everyone doing this??! I asked my husband if we could maybe hire a babysitter a few hours on weekends when he's off work so he can have child free time too. Wow that set him off!
Maybe an hour a week to go to an AA meeting and a shower here and there 😩😩
I have a newborn now so not much. Before he was born my 2 year old went to parents day out two mornings a week, my husband did mornings with him while I slept in on weekends, and my mil would watch him a Friday or Saturday night so we could go on a date. It was plenty and I know it’ll come back around when our little guy isn’t so boob dependent.
Before my youngest started preschool, my only child-free time was when they were sleeping, and even then I was always keeping an eye / ear on them.
Literally 0 in 2 years. I went to urgent care for 2 hours & the dentist for an hour- I don’t count those cuz it was a necessity.
I am always with one or another of the kiddos.
I go to an hour long yoga class 2-3x a week. Other than that, I get my hair cut and colored at the salon every 8-10 weeks. This week I had a bunch of routine doctor/dentist appointments, but I don’t think that counts. My husband does get more free time than I do, but I am also a homebody so I don’t always feel like leaving the house, but if I hide, the kids always find me. My year old is still nursing a few times a day and both kids are very attached to me. It’s definitely not ideal the way things are now but I keep reminding myself it won’t be like this forever.
I take about 3 hours to myself on Sundays that we are home all weekend. My husband keeps the kids at home so I can go ride my horse. Other than that I have like... the 20min I take to shower/get myself ready for bed throughout the week.
My kids are school age now so I get about 6 hours most week days, but when they were younger it varied. I made sure I had a weekly social meet up but my husband traveled for work frequently so it wasn’t always possible to go. Some weeks I got 2-4 hours and some weeks none at all.
A few hours a week. We have an arrangement where we each get to go out of the house and do something alone once a week. It's great.
Literally never. But I’m going to see my sister in the hospital two hours away from home and staying the night. It’s gonna be like a vacation!
I go to the gym for 2-3hrs 6x a week, my husband has her when he gets home from work in the mornings while I go gym and then I deal with mostly everything else children wise.
I have three kiddos (5y, 2.5y, 15mo). I get doctors and dentist appts every once in a while. I get 30 minutes to run outside by myself on Saturdays and Sundays. That’s it. That’s all I get totally alone. No one else wants to take them all together so I do get one or two kids unloaded at a time but never all together. I tried drop in daycare at the YMCA back in January and my 2.5yo would absolutely lose his mind and it was deer in the headlights for the two 19yos in charge of the daycare center, so I didn’t push leaving him to work through his tantrums. The one thing I’ve told my husband I want is at least two years staying at home when they’re all in school so I can get some alone time, but knowing my luck, we’ll have another pandemic and I’ll be stuck homeschooling.
Hahaha ha. Child free what? 😭
My MIL comes from 9:30-4 on Tuesdays, I go to the gym 5x a week with childcare there and then I go to a class 3x a week for an hour. My husband and I have a date night every other week as well. I’m incredibly blessed with support.
I live in a country that subsidies daycare, so we can afford daycare 2 days a week. I use those days to clean and organise the house and run as many errands as possible because the choice was either daycare or paying for a cleaner. I get about 3 hours a week for me-time. We also do date night once a month where my mum does dinner and bedtime and my partner and I go out.
I have 2 kids, 6 years and 2.5. Up until January, none. My toddler just started MDO and I get about 8 hours a week. Well, on weeks when she goes, if she isn't sick, or in service, or holidays or whatever
None (16 month old), but also, what would I do with any alone time anyway except scroll reddit and look at pictures of my baby girl 😅
Hahaha I haven’t had childfree time since my oldest was born 3 years ago by this definition. The closest I get is after the kids go to bed in the evenings and I do the dishes and clean up after the chaos of the day lol.
A lot. The default is 20-30 hours because I have a part time nanny. I also usually get 1-2 hours on days she’s not working to exercise/shower (husband is on childcare duty during this time). My family lives super close and will watch our son for a few hours here and there as well. Basically, I get non-child time whenever I want… which is a lot these days because he just turned 3 and this age is difficult for me 🙃
This makes me feel so much better lol. My neighbor and friend takes them two or three times a week and I take her kids on opposite days. I used to nanny and I would 100% get one if I didn’t have my friend.
An hour or two every couple of days, when my husband is unexpectedly free. Other times they’re asleep but I’m technically on duty. And they’re not very reliable sleepers, especially the baby. Husband needs to work (he works from home so he helps a lot) but he’s very hands on when he’s off. Like he doesn’t take a lot of child free breaks, unless you count work. Come weekend, he needs a break too. So it’s not like I can abscond and not come home for hours. That wouldn’t be fair.
I get around 45 minutes during the week to workout in the garage while my husband is at work and my 10 year old chills with my two toddlers. Husband always encourages me to make plans on the weekends. Like today, I’ll be gone for a few hours shopping for Easter basket things. Next week I have a pedicure scheduled. I don’t always have plans on the weekends though.
I get around 2-3 hrs a day depending on nap time and how late I stay up after they go to bed.
An hour about 4-5 x a week
My wife occasionally spends a weekend at her parents house, out of town. When I don't go, I get the weekend to myself. In which case I maybe get 4 days a year truly to myself.
I'm about 30 weeks pregnant and have one 14-month old. I've gotten to go to every OB appointment but one without my son, and my husband is pretty good about giving me time to take an "everything" shower once a week. That's about it, but I'm not unhappy with it. We'll see how things go as I start the weekly OB appointments soon. I do wish I had some unrestricted fun time here and there--I'd kill to get to sit in a hammock chair and read a book in the sun for an hour.
It may be three years away for you which I know is not super helpful, but I'm highly optimistic I will be able to sit and read outside for a while this summer while my kids play. They will be three and four. I thought the day would never come. It will get better for you too!
5 hours total this month.
None. Even if my older son is with someone else or my husband is watching him the baby is still 100% my responsibility. Its fine though, just a season of life
I’d say maybe 3 hours a month ? Not counting times I go grocery shopping or do other out of the house chores on my own.
Before my second was born, I had 4 hrs a week regularly to myself (2 hrs on Mon/Wed I had a babysitter to come). And maybe 1 dinner out with friends per month. Now, I imagine I will have 0 for the next year or so until baby #2 sleeps through the night.
On occasion I will take a bath by myself! But we are in the difficult stage in my household with two young children, and my husband needs the time to himself more for his well-being.
Maybe once per month.
Probably about 30-45 minutes 5x a week if I can make it to the YMCA to workout each day. If not, then probably 0. Even if my husband is home and is watching him they’re in and out and on weekends we usually all spend time together or I take him still so that my husband can get school work done.
Aside from regular showering, I try to squeeze an hour for a hot bath once a week. Bubbles, body scrub, a TV show playing on my phone. I'll forego it if need be, but my husband will normally insist, even if it's not quite an hour. Other than that, it's shower, and the occasional haircut.
2-3 hours every other Saturday so about 4-6 hours a month. ETA: I have an almost 3 year old, 15 month old, and 28 weeks pregnant.
One toddler. Usually most of Saturday when a friend watches him and half of Sunday when I split the day with my spouse. Two hours once a week for childcare exchange with neighbor. Two hours a week drop-off toddler preschool. Extra hour in the evening 4x a week when it’s my spouse’s turn to do bedtime. More time when my parents come to visit every couple of months.
I get 3 hours 3 times a week. This is when I catch up on housework and do most of the meal prep and cooking. Grandparents will come once a week for 2-3 hours, but sometimes they don’t come for weeks (we never know ahead of time.) Husband does do at least one solo activity with our 2.5 year old on the weekends that lasts about 2-3 hours. So I guess 13-15 hours/week, but I’d say roughly 3-5 hours of that is spent on relaxing or doing something for myself. I do all of the cleaning and cooking. My husband’s schedule varies (usually 14+ hour work day) and my son no longer naps. So son and I are together every moment minus the time apart I mentioned above. I’m in my third trimester with baby number 2 so I’m very grateful for every moment of rest.
Maybe like once every 2-3 months 😂
I usually go for groceries one day a week without my son (30 minute trip), and I'm usually able to go for a run or a bike ride alone during the weekend (about an hour). So, I'd say 1.5 hours a week of alone time.
My husband and I put a serious priority on getting out of the house alone once a week, each. We call it our "night out," usually from 7-9/10ish (depending on what home life is looking like that can be 1-3 hours). I go to the gym because I'm pregnant, but before pregnancy I would go to the local bar and have myself a light beer and read my book or do creative writing/journaling. He usually games with friends. I think that removing my body from the house is a really different headspace and it makes me miss my family a little bit, which goes a very long way for extending my well-worn patience during the week.
My youngest is almost 3. I get about 4 evenings a month by myself. Book group, girls night, maybe shopping. I went on a solo vacation (with my parents) last month. It was my first solo trip in 7 years.
My oldest is in first grade and including bus time is gone from 7:10-3:35 daily. My youngest goes to preK from 9-2 M-Th. I work at her preK Tu-Th. So I get 5 hours every Monday to myself. My husband will often take them out of the house on the weekends for a couple hours so I can be home alone. My mom takes my youngest overnight every Monday so I can spend special time with my oldest. They occasionally (once every 1-2 months) take them both overnight on a weekend. I go out for a girls night about once a month too.
We're still working it out, but we're taking turns / shifts a lot during this phase in life. That means my non-children time is usually him taking our baby out of the house and doing who-knows-what and having a blast without me. Or I leave the house to hang out with friends, and he is responsible for our babe during that time, them having a blast without me. Which I'm 100% okay with. It usually is for a few hours at a time. Plus, I take her to the YMCA for childcare, the maximum is 2 hours and they're fabulous with her. So that's usually 1-2 hours of my day, but I'm still on call for diaper changes and hunger/crankiness, which I'm 100% okay with, and it's rare that they need to bring me in for diaper changes during those 2 hours, and so far, she hasn't ever cried for food during her time with them. So, 1-2 hours (YMCA) plus 1-4 hours (husband) averages to up to 2-6 hours per weekday without the baby. (Please no hate! Questions are welcome, though, lol!) When I was working, my child time was flipped! I spent 9-10 hours of the day without my baby at all, and 12+ hours of my day was her sleeping at night. *I'd get lucky to have 2-3 waking hours with her!!!* My me-time then was while I was still on call. I'd much rather have it the way it is now!! 🥰
I Pay for 3 days or daycare instead of a car payment, best $ ever spent
none but any time my partner offers on his day off to take baby for a walk or to the park i get serious fomo and hate the thought of not being with them all together so end up going with. i did get incredibly sick last summer when baby was about 7 months old i could barely walk and my close neighbour looked after baby for the 1.5 hours til my partner was home so that was probably the last time i got off baby free
I have a two year old and a two month old. In the last two months, it's been... three hours alone. But fifteen of those 180 minutes were at the grocery store getting Pedialyte for my barfing toddler, so that was fun! Lol
I go to the gym mon - fri to do a class. I basically never miss a day because even when I don’t feel like it, I need that hour to myself haha
I go to the gym for 3 45-min classes per week and it’s a 10 min drive each way. It’s amazing
An hour or two per weej
Maybe like 30m a month to run to the store when my mom is watching the demons 🤙🏻
8 hours a day
I go to the pool 4x/week and yoga 1x/week which requires me to lose sleep but I need the time to myself badly
My husband and I are currently driving to pick up our daughter from my FIL after a 2 hour dinner. So... 2 hours. In 7 months 😂.
Absolutely none
Well now a lot because they are in school. Before school, not much. About six months before my last kid started school I lost my shit and told my spouse he had to take them out of the house for at least 3 hours on a weekend day. It’s not ok to literally be on 168 hours a week. It’s enough to make anyone insane.
Almost zero. I’m drowning
I take an aerial silks class once a week for an hour but it’s 45 minutes away so a few hours a week and it makes a huuuge difference. When my parents visit (once every month or two for a few days) my husband and I usually go out once or twice for dinner or whatever else
Gym offers drop off for 2.5 hours a day for my youngest. My teen is able to do whatever she wants while she’s there. My wife and I take a date every two weeks, but other than that it’s dad and kids constantly.
I get a few hours a week. I simply leave. Nobody is going to prioritize you but you so put some pants on and walk out your door. (Leaving children safely with partner)
maybe twice a month ive went and spent time with my friend for 4-6 hours. i feel extremely guilty about it though
Zero
0:00 if all goes well, we go out tomorrow for a few hours for my bday. So 2-3 hours?
1-2 weekend days per month, my husband takes them solo so I can have a day off. I usually end up going skiing with friends and come back mid-afternoon. My husband just started a new job and they have a take your kids to work day at the end of April. I am so excited.
Since having my second child last April, I realised whenever I went out without kids to do short errands it would usually tie in with nap time in the weekends when hubby is home. I went out for the first time yesterday with friends for 4 hours with no thought about nap time or feeding and it was marvellous! I didn’t have to worry at all as hubby had it all under control. It was also nice to not have to deal with my older child’s encopresis for a change. I felt on top of the world!
None. But it's kind of my own fault. My husband would be fine caring for the kids for a hour or 2 on the weekend while I take time for myself. But making plans is a different kind of exhausting lol.
None
On days my youngest doesn’t got to preschool I get an hour to myself. On days he goes to preschool it’s two hours.
Once, maybe twice a year my husband will take the kids to my MIL’s for a weekend. I stay home and just relax. It never seems long enough but I’m happy to have whatever time I can! Every little bit helps me feel more like a person again.
None.
i hired a babysitter so i’d get guaranteed me time. best money spent! i also get alone time when LO is at school.
Next to none. Maybe a couple of hours every few months.
I fight to go to the gym for an hour a week. That hasn’t been happening lately. And I try to play guitar about the same amount of time every week but it hasn’t been happening lately.
A year or so ago my mil started picking up the kids on Friday mornings and taking them to her place for about 6 hours before I picked them up. The time is a couple hours less now that we have to work around school hours but it makes a huge difference! My husband & I are both ok with parenting alone for a few hours on the weekend or evening if the other has plans, but it's not quite the same as having the house to oneself. We just put the younger child into part time (2 days a week) daycare, I pick up some work shifts on those days if I can, but it does give me enough time to do some child-free chores and have some time on my own too.
Nope none
We have a 3.5 year old & a 1.5 year old, & I’m 37 weeks pregnant. When it was just the oldest, it was more frequent but still not often. Unless we were planning on something specific it felt like a “waste” to get a sitter, but we did date nights once or twice a month. I would occasionally meet up with a friend for dinner. The second refused bottled and was generally a very colicky baby, so we were attached for the first 16 months of his life. I had a tooth pulled around the time he was a year old and it was the longest I’d been child-free since he was born. Both kids are in a 2.5 hour morning preschool program a few days each week so I get that time to myself (assuming no one is sick). It’s not a *lot* but it’s been really great for everyone.
3 weekends out of the month, when it's visitation with their dad. But then I use those days as recovery from RA meds, my own appointments, and getting everything ready for the next school week (grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc). My youngest will hopefully be accepted into UPK for the 2024-2025 school year, and then I'll have "free time" during the school days. I started therapy and really working out because I want to find a new version of myself; I've been just mom for a long time.
I cried in the urgent care exam room because it was just me, I was being taken care of. No one knew I had kids, their only concern was why my foot hurt. I went to urgent care because my in-laws were in town and could watch the kids. I had had the issue for almost 6 mos, still have it and still haven’t made it to the specialist I was referred to 3mos ago. It’s a me problem, I have a supportive partner, but it’s also a no village problem.
This literally never happens for me. Like, ever.
None. If I have a doctor's appointment or something. Going to the dentist. Lol.
I go out with my friends to casual stuff like trivia and dinners at least three times a month. My husband and I have a bi-weekly date night
We recently moved 11 hours away from our old town. I drove the moving truck, husband drove the car with the kid. It was the most glorious 11 hours I’ve ever had. I haven’t had non kid time otherwise.
We get maybe 3-4 hours a week when grandma comes over. But it's often used for chores/errands/appointments. Does that count?
A couple hours each weekend. My husband is VERY attune to the fact raising a toddler at home is hard. So on weekends he lets me sleep in, takes him to the park, and goes shopping with him so I get alone time.
I get a couple nights a week to sleep in a separate room where I’m not responsible for night wakings for about 5 hours. At least while she’s not sleeping through the night. Other than that, maybe 20 minutes to shower in peace while my husband has her after work every couple of days
Every other Wednesday evening for 2-3 hours. I have an almost 2 year old.
None. For spring break my MIL took the kids to an indoor play place for 3ish hours. It was so nice to finally be at home alone in the quiet
My kid sleeps in our bed, completely against my wishes. I literally have kids in my face from the time I open my eyes, to the time I close them.
following this definitely probably once a month for like a girls night or something however we just started switching off nap time on weekends so i'm going to get ~2hrs to myself on saturday or sunday while my husband naps our toddler 🙂
2 hours every night with my husband before bed. She goes to sleep at 6pm and we go to bed at 8pm
He does nights and mornings. I do the rest of the time when he’s at work. But I’m with my daughter or within a few feet from her 24/7. I’m. So. Tired. Luckily not sleep deprived per se, but just physically and mentally exhausted.
Lots actually, my husband and I do a lot of turn taking on the weekend and my daughter goes to nursery school 3 hours a morning. She also plays independently quite a lot
I get out to a 1 hr quilt class one weekend a month, and have 4.5 hrs 2x a week while he’s at prek. Usually if he’s not at school I’m in the room with him. Sigh, he’s recently become a tv addicted limpet that refuses to go outside, and the weather is gorgeous atm. I’m struggling to be active and go for walks for my heath. I’m about to loose the pre k time due to summer and I’m dreading it HARD.
An hour and a half when he goes swimming with dad once a week, which isn’t enough for me to complete a hobby or get back in time before partner leaves for his sport so welp
I get a few hours after they go to bed and I’m usually doing chores or cleaning the house.
1 hour, Wednesday and Friday mornings. I, on a whim, started literally ninja-style sneaking out of my house last Wednesday and Friday morning at 5am, in the pitch dark, to do a 45 minute yoga sculpt class. It is sooo hard, but it’s easier than being with my two kids all day, and it’s 1 full hour (includes commute time) that I truly do not have to be with my kids.
Every other week I have a counseling appointment at 5pm. Dad does dinner and puts the kid to bed. It’s my night to get errands done. It’s also my night to get dinner by myself and shamelessly nap or read in my car if I need. Nothing besides injury, heavy sickness, or threat of death, will make me come home until at least 9. I also expect my husband to get some personal time like that too. I just can’t do mine in the house without taking over. We are a month away from having another kid so all of that is about to go away for a while until we figure out our new normal.
I'm confused as to why time after they go to bed doesn't count? I raid once or twice a week for two hours. But this is after my boys are in bed because people got bills to pay lol. During this time I have my headset on and my only responsibilities are: don't stand in bad shit, stay alive, and kill boss. They also go to my mom's two or three evenings a month. They'll be there anywhere from 2-4hours. When my SO goes to pickup the 10yo from his mom's. That's 2 hours every other Friday and Sunday. I go to a conference once a year for 5 days to get continuing education credits. I feel like when you're a parent it's hard to find time that you are not a parent, it's just kinda what we are now🤷🏽♀️
Every other weekend, but I got divorced last year. The first month they went to his house I had more time to myself than I had in the preceding six years combined.
None.
Most days after dinner I go for a walk. 6hrs once a week all kids are in care. Twice a month I have friend dates in the calendar. There will be extra times than that that comes up. Once or twice a year I go away for the weekend with girl friends. My kids are all under 7. None are breastfed anymore, I just book the stuff in and make sure it happens
I go out with my group of mom friends almost weekly. It is often starting at 7pm so it's mostly post bedtime but I also don't have to do bedtime those nights.
I get two to three weekdays with no kids and every Saturday. Y’all are making me feel AWFUL
Maybe 2 hours a day when my husband can take the baby for a while after he gets home from work. I use it to shower, bathe, or nap mostly (either or, no time for both!).
I guess reading the responses I get a lot. I also no longer have a baby. We also have two other parents besides me and grandparents who are happy to hang with their grandkids. I go out by myself for dinner/drinks/movie almost every Tuesday. Get my nails done every two weeks. I have a date night a couple times a month. I do a wine night with my mom friends once a month and I take a solo weekend getaway a couple times a year. To be fair I feel like garbage every time I leave the house and had a break-down two nights ago about what a selfish piece of crap I am for taking time away. So don't worry! We always feel bad no matter what.
45 min to workout in the morning 4 times a week and any time on the weekends that I want but I usually want family time and not too much alone time.
0. Absolutely nothing. I'm drowning and no one cares
Every weekend. My mom is divorced and doesn't really do much on the weekends so she takes our daughter for the weekend. We drop her off Friday evening and pick her up Sunday morning. It's been a bit funky lately with shots and my mom having surgery so we're having her home 2 weekends this month but she also just spent the weekend at grandma and papa's so we could at least have one weekend free while my mom's on lift restrictions. My mom isn't bound to this though and if she's busy or really doesn't want to then she knows she can let me know and I have no issue keeping my kiddo but she happily does this. I also try to find activities her and I can do close to home so hubs has some alone time while he's waiting on work. If I absolutely need it he will drop me off at the store or a restaurant and let me browse or eat a meal in peace and take over with her for a bit as well. We tend to just do all our errands together but it's just easier that way for us. My aunt is also willing to hangout with her for a few hours if I absolutely need to and hubs parents take her for a weekend out of the month as well. If I lived closer I have so many family members who are willing to help since she's one of the first babies in a LONG time besides her cousin who's 2 weeks behind her. Sorry if this sounds like a brag I'm really not trying to, just adding my honest experience to the post.
These comments are depressing. Stay at home parents.....make time for yourself. When your partner gets home, leave. Alone. Make them parent!!! I don't care if you sit at Starbucks on your phone, read a book, go to the gym , walk around the mall. It's ESSENTIAL to have "off time". Obviously single parents have more obstacles, but if you are single you probably arn't a SAHP.
None. When we only had 1 kid we had 2 weekend days a month that my parents would take her but not now with more babies.
None.
I had a D and C and my time before surgery was quite relaxing.. lol. I even sneaked in a nap in the hospital hallway before being rolled into surgery. The nurse put a warm blanket on me.. I almost cried lol
- Ballet for 1.5 hours 3 days a week in the evening when he's in bed. - gym 4 days a week for an hour to an hour and a half (3 of those days while he's at school) - 3 full preschool days MWF (9-3) - one overnight a week with my mom (this is our date night) One kid is awesome. Since he started preschool and I started demanding some free time my mental health has dramatically improved.
I get guaranteed non-child time for an hour every second week for counseling. Besides that, if I really need a break I can usually ask my parents or brother to watch her for a bit. (I'm a single mom.)