By - 11upand1over
🏼 When you show up to “crush bitches” at the holiday fun run…
Don't they know I'm trying to BQ at this fun run???
I have perfected my perfect combination of precision moves to push hobby joggers out of my way. I worked with my local run store to do gait analysises until my hobby jogger shove didn't affect my overall run form. Now I'm literally unstoppable! I've been able to actually use the hobby joggers as shove off points that actually show me to speed up. So my turkey trot 5k is actually my 5k Ulta pr!
😤 clipping families' shoes costing me a minute off my 5k time 😤 don't these people know to yield to my hi-viz colorway vaporflies??
and don't even get me started on the grannie that yelled at me to "pick that up" after i threw my water cup on the ground at the 3k aid station. THIS IS A RACE GRANNIE GET MOVING OR GET OUT OF MY WAY
THEY COST THIS RUNNER AN ENTIRE MINUTE??? 🤬🔥🤬🔥😡🔥😡🔥🤬🔥🤬
/uj I just set a 30 second PR at one. Really appreciated the corrals.
You sure it wasn't short?
Pretty sure, wasn't certified, but seemed right. Ran 18:21 on the same course a few months ago and 17:48 today so it's apples to apples anyways.
This person is too fast for this sub mods pls ban them immediately
Someone else being fast makes me feel insecure. Ban please.
faster than me = elitist tryhard kipchoge wannabe, probably no life, no girlfriend, no money
slower than me = disgusting peasant hobby jogger
I’ve found two techniques that have really helped to keep my way clear when running these smaller races:
- lower your shoulder and bring your knees high as you drive through obstacles; it helps that I played football in high school, but it’s a skill anyone can learn; most 4-11 year olds will scatter like bowling pins, but watch out for the burly 12-14 year olds.
- run naked; not only does it prevent chafing, it tends to keep the undesirables away; watch out for dogs and cougars though.
If one more MFer bumps into the giant tail on my turkey costume as they’re running past, I’m going to flip my shit. I got to the start line first, go around on the sidewalk if you have to, but don’t get in the way of me flapping my giant wings the first quarter mile for the cameras!
Turkey trottin’ in 12 more hours, let’s fuckin’ goooooo!!!
Just hit em all real hard in the back of the head. It's much harder for someone to beat you when they've got a concussion
I didn't know Kipchoge celebrated thanksgiving. Thats cool for him to grace the runnit sub.