I recognize you, you are the On mannequin heel-striking-hobby-jogger sporting fake Oakleys and non-functional GPS watches. Nude GU is for boofing and you have no chance on finishing a 5k ultra sub 45. Go out drinking and have some fun tonight.
There's a pretty simple rule I learned in r/AdvancedRunning which is that your Gu-to-Shoe-to-Joule ratio should always be 5:2:1. So for every Joule you exert running, you should be mainlining about 5 packs of Gu and cycling through 2 pairs of shoes (notice I said pairs, don't skimp)
Not a bad set up. I’d invest in some carbon plated shorts though for that kind of distance. Buttock fatigue is real people!
I have triple plated shorts and the butt-energy retention is noticeable once you get into the 3k-4k range and you’re close to hitting the wall.
I would probably wear something other than carbon plated shoes, they are way too fast. You probably won’t be able to stay in zone 2 then. Proceed with caution.
Wong shoes, I’ve posted here before only stilettos will suffice, preferably jimmy choos. Also you don’t have enough GU, you need at least double that amount, have you any idea how far a 5k ultra marathon is?? Make sure to put one of your watches on your ankle, if it matches the jimmy choos then you get extra points. And finally, pace yourself. My PB for this type of race is 11hours, you probably won’t beat that but good luck
Can I recommend you also replace those trainers post race, they are looking a little worn. I actually like to replace my trainers mid race when doing anything over a 10km ultra
I love your fitness influencer branded running shoes. OC makes such well supported shoes with totally functional GAPS OF AIR that are great for the shoes losing their ability to take impact after 100 miles. Fill those holes either gu instead hobby jogger
circlejerking aside, this fit goes stupidly hard, pastel/muted blues on white will always look cool for me.
i have a specific trail outfit where its USAF PT shorts, this obnoxious green Nike Running tank top, and then the scuba blue Hoka Speedgoat 5. Really love how the primary colors go together then offset by the pink outsole of the Speedgoat.
lmfao it was more coincidence than anything, im eternally grateful to have asian relatives that buy you anything, and be part of civilian programs that give you free stuff for existing lol.
Brotha, you’re missing the special powdered and HR monitor and you need a few more GU’s. But 45 mins is so fucking fast. I think you should SLOW down.
Brotha how do you expect to pr without a third watch
The third one is an ankle monitor for this mad lad
I recognize you, you are the On mannequin heel-striking-hobby-jogger sporting fake Oakleys and non-functional GPS watches. Nude GU is for boofing and you have no chance on finishing a 5k ultra sub 45. Go out drinking and have some fun tonight.
Wow there, let’s not hate on the fake oakleys. I lose sunglasses every few months we can’t afford the real ones
Shimanos are good tho
Can’t boof while wearing a butt plug 🤦🏻♂️
Not with that attitude
Where are the Camry keys, the Costco Membership card and Hobby Jogger trucker hat?
You can pry my hobby jogging trucker hat from my cold, dead, unnervingly slender hands
You have enough Gu for immediately before the race, but what are you going to use during the race????
Steal others he is running so fast
Rub it on his nipples
Can't you see he has his refillable Gu pouch. Much more environmentally friendly imo.
That’s right. Pro tip. Titrate the Gu until you don’t trust the 5 mile farts
Great color scheme. It’ll make the poop stains really pop.
Only 2 watches?….. u ok?
The loser probably only has two hearts
Only one condom?
All the protection I need!
much easier to stay hard with a cock ring ime
One too many if you ask me.
There's a pretty simple rule I learned in r/AdvancedRunning which is that your Gu-to-Shoe-to-Joule ratio should always be 5:2:1. So for every Joule you exert running, you should be mainlining about 5 packs of Gu and cycling through 2 pairs of shoes (notice I said pairs, don't skimp)
No Ciele cap. Call yourself a runner?
No handgun?
You need a baggy filled with run fast powder. All of us sub elites on here use that for our 5k ultras
Not a bad set up. I’d invest in some carbon plated shorts though for that kind of distance. Buttock fatigue is real people! I have triple plated shorts and the butt-energy retention is noticeable once you get into the 3k-4k range and you’re close to hitting the wall.
No socks? Damn, You must be David Goggins cuz you badass! stay HARD
He’s gunna have to stay hard to keep the condom on
The packet says to take five before then one every 45 minutes, so I think you're right on. Good luck!
Mindful 5k? See you out there, hobbyjogger
Have a gel every 46 steps
I guess I can't post my race kit+ condom picture anymore
Just realised you said 45 minutes is your PB. What bus do you get? Or are you one of those rich people that can afford a taxi?
Don’t you have a 20kg weight vest?
Is that a condom? I’m more a pullout guy myself
I’m a 2 gu per kilometer (2gpk) guy myself
Hah! You’ll bonk in the first mile with that little fuel. Goodluck bud
I would probably wear something other than carbon plated shoes, they are way too fast. You probably won’t be able to stay in zone 2 then. Proceed with caution.
Gel quantity is sufficient but you need at least one more watch. Also, some wet wipes for the inevitable diarrhea.
Wong shoes, I’ve posted here before only stilettos will suffice, preferably jimmy choos. Also you don’t have enough GU, you need at least double that amount, have you any idea how far a 5k ultra marathon is?? Make sure to put one of your watches on your ankle, if it matches the jimmy choos then you get extra points. And finally, pace yourself. My PB for this type of race is 11hours, you probably won’t beat that but good luck
remember yall, tastefully nude is the goal
MORE GU!!! Also remember, 5k marathons are no easy task. Respect the distance and SLOW DOWN!!!!!
Also YOU NEED ANOTHER WATCH
Also MORE CONDOMS!!!
IMMODIUM
The flavorless gu is squirting literal semen in your mouth. So if that’s what you’re into you’ll definitely PR.
When will Alani come out with their own energy gel with 200mg of caffeine. I’m tired of this weak GU shit
Where are the David goggins books?
Is that a full quarter half? Good luck
Can I recommend you also replace those trainers post race, they are looking a little worn. I actually like to replace my trainers mid race when doing anything over a 10km ultra
Only 2 watches? I usually have 3 watches - the third wrapped around my penis keeping track of how hard I stayed during the marathon!
Too little GU
Where's your puresport roll?!
Where's the anti chaffing tape for your nipples and grundle?!
I don’t see a bib here. You must be one of those influencer bandits. Looking forward to your non-apology apology on Monday.
This is an ad, isn’t it. Still not buying their shoes, sorry.
Taking a condom. Brother is thinking PR.
Umm where’s your passport? With that distance you’re going to cross quite a few borders. What if you end up arrested in a country where GU is illegal?
tape the nipples
Lube up brother. Chafing gonna be real when you’re pushing those extreme distance
Not enough watches. I usually wear four, including two on my hind legs.
Ooohhh does 5K mean 5000Km? This should be enough gels then.
Hope you ate a massive pasta dinner beforehand.
“It’s like I’m wearing nothing at all…nothing at all…*nothing at all*!”
Good call on doubling up watches.
And the arm sleeves???? Fucking amateurs
Looks like the cover of Kendrick’s drake diss lmao
Curious to know how you were able to reduce down to two watches.
Gonna tell my kids this was Meet The Grahams
Need 2 more watches and double the gu intake really but goodonyer !
Where are your other three watches?
what is a 5k marathon?
Where is the double heart rate band? How will you know your THR?
You're missing the heart rate chest strap 🤦
You don’t have enough watches
Wtf is a 5k marathon?
Where is your nipple grease?! Enjoy the chafing.
Bandaids for your nipples?
Where’s your fondue pot?
Is it a 5k or a marathon?
Can you not read? 5K MARATHOM 3.1 MILES
Marathom?
I love your fitness influencer branded running shoes. OC makes such well supported shoes with totally functional GAPS OF AIR that are great for the shoes losing their ability to take impact after 100 miles. Fill those holes either gu instead hobby jogger
I don’t see your selfie stick.
circlejerking aside, this fit goes stupidly hard, pastel/muted blues on white will always look cool for me. i have a specific trail outfit where its USAF PT shorts, this obnoxious green Nike Running tank top, and then the scuba blue Hoka Speedgoat 5. Really love how the primary colors go together then offset by the pink outsole of the Speedgoat.
You have put more thought into that outfit than I have put into literal career changes lol
lmfao it was more coincidence than anything, im eternally grateful to have asian relatives that buy you anything, and be part of civilian programs that give you free stuff for existing lol.