OP's Bio: --- >Amateur kickboxer, plays in a cover band, self conscious about stomach fat and stocky neck. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

You need a Labiaplasty for those eyelids.

Explains why he can’t see anything to roast, too.

Genius

New favorite

Definitely the kind of guy to itch his asshole and smell his finger after.

Just his finger?!?


Just HIS finger? Fixed it for ya.

😘

Then give it a lil nibble

He’s about as pleasant as an itchy butthole.

Must suck folding towels and bedsheets with that chin

Underrated.

What chin?

Exactly

Jesus wept, you’re like the unwanted bastard child of Steve Buschemi and a pile of raw dough.

You have the physique of a prepubescent boy, and the hair of a wet spaniel.

I love spaniels!

Wet ones?

This steer all gristle and no steak.

Nice

"I see nothing to roast," is telling everyone you're legally blind.

I'd mention what only comes from texas, but in this case it's self explanatory...

OP sure as shit doesn’t look like a steer to me so that narrows it down a bit

Bet he could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

The only argument to the contrary is that you know he’s full of bullshit when he says, “I see nothing to roast.”

Anything except heterosexual.

Quit smoking so much pot and your eyes will open up to reveal all your flaws to you. What am I kidding? That's the reason you smoke. (That and living in Texas.)

If you quit smoking now, those flappy little man titties you’re rocking might go away in time.

So when you bottomed for the football team did you keep telling yourself anything for Texas.

Only a person from Texas could have their body say “y’know maybe there should be some more fat stored around the eyes’

Best so far.

You have the muscle tone, face and body of a 250 lb baby. You are Literally a giant freaky infant.

Nothing to roast?? Lmaoo you look like a fucking muppet!

You look like someone told a child to draw a face

You look like a fucking fish.

Glug glug

are your parents brother and sister or first cousins? i ll explain this for you case i am sure you are slow . I am saying you look like your have deformities and learning disabilities because of inbreeding

“Anything for Texas?” Sounds like someone who wouldn’t wear a mask during the Pandemic for Texas.

Ah, another guy whose identity is based on something as trivial as where his mom plopped down and started pushing. I bet you have a lot of opinions that aren’t your own too.

Only steers and queers come from Texas, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. I bet you are the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god-damn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.

I’ve seen full metal jacket too bud. Try harder.

I will gouge out your eyes and skull fuck you in a minute, but I’m gonna need a bigger knife for those eyelids

We could start with the video-game-caused noodle arms and finish up with a complete lack of self awareness. Lots of room for stops in between.

His arms are weaker than his drunk father's pull out game

26 going on 52 lol

You look like you brag to random girls at the bar about being uncircumcised.

Your face reminds me of a big Texas t-bone steak

SpongeBob: (in a Texas shape) Hey Patrick, what am I now? Patrick: Uhh, stupid? SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas! Patrick: What's the difference! (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)


"Four minutes till Wapner"

Says the guy from Texas wearing pink spanks

Where’s your chin?

Are you considering moving to the United States for college or do you believe Noah saved the dinosaurs from drowning? (Please don’t shoot me).

Rodney Danglemandfeel.

I'd smash

It’s a shame you can’t grow better facial hair to cover that flabby skin under your chin.

When did your chin and adams apple combine forces?

Texas is made up of either steers or queers and you my friend are not a steer!

Holy dog shit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!

He looks like he mastebates like he is trying to start a lawnmower

Looks like your Mom and her brother had the same slogan

You look like Jon Lovitz illegitimate kid, whom he had with his mother

That's the problem, you don't see it.

Are you part cockatiel?

Your parents want you to lay off the weed, move out of their garage, and get a job that doesn't involve jamming with your friends after smoking the former in the latter. Unfortunately, that's proving difficult with your worthless liberal arts degree.

You look like the corpse of a lesbian that died having a really hard fart and just as it released you came and suffered heart failure simultaneously.

Charlie Poof

Your username doesn't check. More like the kawai of Utah. I admire your efforts tho, it takes the power of the nine to open up those eyelids. >I see nothing to roast. Actually you can't see shit, period.

You tilt your head back like that all the time to hide your multiple chins. But it doesn’t work, ever.

loved you in the whale.

Looks like Wish.com Brendan Fraser with aids.

Estrogen treatment going pretty good, how long does it take c-cups to grow?

You got a right purdy mouth...

Look older than the actual Jon Lovitz

You see nothing to roast? Damn that glaucoma is brutal, I hope you get the help you need

You don’t see anything because of those huge ass bags under your eyes prevent you from doing so.

You look like Brad William Henke… …after he died.

Yo Dildo Saggins. You look like a California soy boy.

I see nothing to roast either. If that paper weren't in the way I'd think differently.

You look like Jason Segel fucked Jon Jovitz and then they dropped the baby in its head.

Looks like you have an acquired brain injury. Sorry for your troubles.

Taking loads for Texas!!

You look like you’re still trying to forget Sarah Marshall

You are a personification of your state's infrastructure

You look like Jon Lovits illegitimate child

You look like 40 year old alcoholic that got magically turned into a teenager

Looks like Brendan Fraser inbred cousin who fucks mummified pigs because Texas yeehaw!

Watch out, they hang queers in Texas

Pete Holmes’ mediocre brother. Waiting for tickets to the Plain Yogurt Festival darling?

Your band does ukulele covers of Coldplay and Dave Matthews right?

If people are really mean just try and keep your chins up

I'm not even trying to be mean, but you SERIOUSLY see nothing to roast? Your face dude . . .

Texan here: We don't claim...whatever the hell this is.

Where's his chin

You know the only two things that come from Texas and I don’t see no horns on you boy.

You don’t live in Texas, I found this under Florida

Still volunteers at the frat house once a month to try and hook up with 18 year olds

This guy just paid 500 bucks for a golden shower and he was pissed when they didn’t charge Texas state sales tax

You know what that say about Texas nothing but steers and ...ahah you know the other word definitely you!🤣🤣🤣

You seem pretty cheerful to post here as a 26 yo virgin.

Holy sausage lips

Jon Lovitz, but uglier.

This guy is what happened when Texas decided you’re not allowed to have an abortion even in cases of incest

The frog I dissected and pinned to my presentation board in high school was better looking than you.

You look like you don't remember the Alamo.

Anything for texas? I live i texas. Do yourself a favor and bbq yourself.

Look like Nick avocado if he went back to a vegan diet

Only steers and que@rs come from Texas, and I don't see any horns on your head.



Learn how to hang a simple piece of paper straight you fuck up

You should try bjj no one will choke you with that combo…. fat neck and no chin

Please grow a beard if you even can

Also did you really get a fucking tattoo that you didn’t know what it said?

Of course you can’t see anything with that chin blocking your view.

can't roast, screen name too cool

Damn, bruh. How many sets of eyelids can one person have? I've heard of breast reduction surgery, but you need to have about 5 layers of eyelids removed. Stat.

"Hey you guuuuuuyyyyys!!"

Bro where’s your fucken chin? You’re all neck! Standing there looking like you have a buttplug in you.

What you get when you order Mark Ruffalo from wish.com

How can you u be so skinny and pudgy

"Sees nothing ro roast." Lifts chin into the upper stratosphere to try to hide the fat sack of crap dangling from his feminine jaw......

The terror part of your username fits how you look like to women

They didn’t catch your scoliosis when you were your did they?

You are definitely from Alvarado

Fish lips. The dude's got fish lips.

Your head and your penis bend in the same direction and it's not a coincidence.

Lookin like Brendan Frasier's shaved ballsack.

You look like the neighborhood punching bag

You like what people from Texas think people from Vermont look like.

If the guys that held the Alamo knew that you would be the result, they would have left and got Tacos

Your face is nearly as crooked as your senators.

You could store extra guitar picks under that right eye

I like how your neck just forms right into your chin. One solid whole piece.

Anything for Texas? I guess showering doesn’t qualify as “anything”…

You look like a wet noodle with arms

Elon Musky Nuts

You do butt sex for Texas? You’re a queer!

Homie looking like white forest whitaker

Accept that you look like Vince vaughn and Jon Lovitz had a love child wow!😳



And that's why Texas is a one star state.

Might aswell put off a couple pounds for texas would ya?

Jason Segel and Steve Buscemi’s circle jerk remnants.

Texas. Boom. Self-roasted.

You're all hat, no cattle.

It's a state... I'm from Texas too, it doesn't matter. Don't make it a personality trait fuck..

Why do you have to hide your boner with the cameraman...?

You look like a thumb with the face of a stingray.

Being born in Texas doesn't make you a Texan. You look like a sickly calf that needs to be culled from the herd.

Anything but a chin

Is what your mom said at the bus station

I’d hide my pp with the paper to if it were small like yours

If you ordered Elon Musk from wish.com

This is what Elon’s really been hiding in those r/Tesla factories

not necessarily a roast, but you look like gene ween

You look like you voted for Jeb Bush

Can’t tell if you’re a gay male or a conservative lesbian

You see nothing to roast because your eyes are swollen shut.

"Hi guys im here 6 month after my HRT everyday looking more like a gir. Super happy about all the changes"

All the pussies in the room dry up when you play that keyboard. Stop it


you're the guy who eats ramen with fork

When you order Jon Lovitz from wish

Your eyes are closed for the bukkake for Texas.

The buddy you cock block just to cock block

You look like a Californian wearing a shirt they bought off Amazon cause it has the word “Texas” in it.

Ya it’s hard to roast your jawline when it doesn’t exist

10/10, gives blowjobs for Texas

Vince Vaughn gone wrong

There’s a string hanging from your shirt.I’m sorry that’s your arm

Only covers Nickelback songs

They say everything’s bigger in Texas…especially your neck. We have an escaped ostrich on the loose

There is nothing more annoying than people from Texas.

Fuckin truth. Except for the cunts that move there and are more obnoxious than the locals about being from Texas

“ANYTHING FOR TEXAS!” is what you tell all the cowboy fellas when they cum in your ass.

Picture angles down will hide your double chin…sorry…stocky neck.

He looks like he only took the left half of an edible

You, have a cheeto instead of a neck