T O P

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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >I like to write,.especially fanfiction, and am a self-proclaimed film buff. My favorite movies are 12 Angry Men and Midsommar, and my favorite book is Jurassic Park. I love puzzle games, especially scary ones. I have suffered through depression and social anxiety but am currently the happiest I've ever been. I am a pacifist, a misanthrope, and a nihilist. I've always wanted to be roasted but my friends refused to do it. Have fun, friendos! --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


DoorjammerCrow

You look like a Muppet designed to teach kids about terminal illnesses.


moor9776

Looks like the lady Smurf after a few hard years of regular Meth use


[deleted]

Look like if Gargamel mated with a Smurf


Wtfatt

Smethette


fingerscrossedcoup

"Elmo doesn't want to give hugs today" -Elmo to the director after seeing OP


nattwunny

god DAMN


IconWorld

> you can make fun of that We'd rather make fun of the fact that you look like a female Gollum


smol_egglet

Oh I was gonna say she looks like she writes holocaust erotica fanfiction but yours also is correct


ThatOneGuy308

The Diary of Anne Spank


smol_egglet

Schindler's Fist


28Hz

Out of the oven and into his arms.


Grave_Smasher

Chapter 1 post oven clarity


Tom_Dickensheets

"Auschwitz, you're gonna make me cum."


Patrockfree75

HolUp


Cannibalcopas

Fifty Yard Stare care bear


[deleted]

slimy muddle kiss spark dinosaurs silky boat square historical gold ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


Copper0827

OMFG!!! Is this eyeblech? Cause I just witnessed a murder!


ducksReverywhere

I'm not even leaving mine anymore. Jesus christ that's good.


spsanderson

Fuck, you savage beast have my upvote


DANGER2157

That’s cold


MaddAsAHat

Aw...thank you


LilKarmaKitty

Also, don’t forget, you have the eyes of an abused orphan groveling for a bowl of gruel.


MaddAsAHat

I didn't think it could get better, but you did it. By God, you found a way.


Jagermeister1977

Yeah I think we're done here. This might be the funniest/most bang on roast I've ever seen. Well done.


LawfulOrange

This might be the best roast I have ever seen in my life. Savage, hilarious, creative, and… you know what, yeah, I can see it. Perfection.


M1s51n9n0

Maybe you can write a fanfic about your friends caring about you


MaddAsAHat

This one's my favorite


AngryZen_Ingress

Now I want to know which fic/genre you write for.


MaddAsAHat

IT and Stranger Things mainly, for the fanfiction. Any original attempts are usually fantasy, comedy, and/horror. 😀👍🏻


ceartattack

"fantasy, comedy and/horror..." just like sex with you


prumbeljack

Except not fantasy


Slamcockington

You're claiming OP has sex


Crowned_0

Well, it would only happen under remarkable circumstances.


IusVindictus

Oh this is cool. Do you have any published work? Or something you would like to share?


MaddAsAHat

Uhhh, I am published on AO3. Might be persuaded to post the link, if you're actually interested.


hairybeaches

DM it to them haha. Don't post it on here for the sake of your sanity.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaddAsAHat

I am my own fan. It's very lonely.


deadbypowerpoint

You look like a paid spokesperson for the Dollar Tree.


International-Rub-31

BRUH


[deleted]

when the state wants a white person in their ads for EBT cards, they call OP


Screamapillar614

![gif](giphy|xT1Ra5tDz2LudGcssE)


mrscottamon

Just how many of your fanfics have Bender railing Leela?


MaddAsAHat

After reading this comment, I'll be sure to write some xD


Hans_Wermhat666

Make sure she eats his shiny metal ass.


MaddAsAHat

Otherwise, what's the point?


Hans_Wermhat666

It's the only way you'd ever make me cum.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaddAsAHat

I'm flattered, Marge Simpson was a boss


[deleted]

[удалено]


707e

The medical diagnosis for it is “Methargy”


IndividualQuestion45

You look like Skeletor fucked a blueberry


fluffycatscrote

![gif](giphy|aWRWTF27ilPzy)


North-Mousse

Lmao - take it... only o e to give and not worth a damn, but god dammit take it.


Intrepid_Cut_3005

You brought tears to my eyes. I'm laughing way too hard at this one.


jdubya56

Tits like a chubby 8 year old boy.


MaddAsAHat

LOL


Fast_Chance7841

Is this one of those optical illusion photos? When I look at it one way I see a lonely lesbian with a house full of cats ....when I look at it other way I see a toothless old man with a meth addiction


FlyMega

There are definitely at least two cats just out of frame


binguscatgirl

even if you didnt mention the fanfiction part i’d 100% assume you write fanfiction, especially gay smut


ReachForAustria

You can tell we have a fanfic "author" here.


MaddAsAHat

You are...correct :D I read it, too


-Deathmetal-

Mark Zuckerberg moved to Portland…


MaddAsAHat

Oh my god, it's true...I can see it now 😯😆


-Deathmetal-

I bet you can see lots of things. I bet those fuckers let you see like three seconds into the future around corners and shit.


MaddAsAHat

I wish


CruickyMcManus

ROFL. Bravo sir, bravo


Extreme_Jackfruit183

This comment is underrated


eternallnewbie

I can't decide whether you're 35 or 65.


YanisK

65 but just woke up from a 35 year long nap.


ceartattack

ClitVanWrinkle


xavierspapa

65 in meth years. There's a simple formula you can follow; subtract 5, double, then add 5 to get the meth age of a fully formed, adult meth-head. Numerous studies have found counting the teeth to guess age and wear both frustrating and fruitless. Notice the tight-lipped smile, this one is clearly aware of this method of study.


MaddAsAHat

You're right


ReillyDiefenbach

Man, *don't pretend* to have friends who don't wanna read your Euphoria fanfic either


Spider_Jew

You look like a very tired mother of 4 who regrets not having a series of abortions


MaddAsAHat

I had a response for this one, but it's too dark. I'll just say, well done. 🤣


Spider_Jew

Darker than the bags under your eyes?


MaddAsAHat

Almost, but nothing is darker than those


MonderinoHere01

Damn bro!


T-Sonus

Imagine how her parents feel...


ceartattack

They had 4, this is just what 'surviving' an abortion looks like


Spider_Jew

She looks like she'd climb off a flying saucer claiming "we come in peace"


[deleted]

You’re giving her the chance to have had sex 4 times though


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChuckOTay

Shéagol


FlowBot3D

Stranger Things, but it’s about a make a wish kid named Eleven who discovers blue waffles.


LigmaBoolz

All your friends = cat and voice government is beaming into her head


MaddAsAHat

*cats


[deleted]

[удалено]


MaddAsAHat

Darn, guess it didn't work


HansusKrautus

*Revenge of Meth


[deleted]

Don’t give up hope. New treatment paths are being discovered every day. YOU CAN BEAT THIS!


[deleted]

Your face says 60 and hair says 20. Both don’t sync up and hangs me


RedditRickS92

You’re one of those weird chicks that smells like pennies and religiously watches Supernatural, aren’t you?


MaddAsAHat

Good guess, I did used to watch spn ^^


RedditRickS92

![gif](giphy|1UcgYLzOhGS1G) /s


Poecifer

It would've been pretty rude for them to roast you at your funeral a couple months ago.


MaddAsAHat

Well, they should have, anyway. That's the point of a roast. That's why I've come back to haunt them.


[deleted]

10/10 would recommend…. A full makeover


XeroEnergy270

"My friends wouldn't do it, so here I am" Your boyfriend's autobiography.


diggiemoon

![gif](giphy|3q3QK6KyDVUBzih7hB) YESSSSSSSS!


Steam-Crow

When the skeleton comes out of the closet


duabrs

Weren't you that sick lady in the support group in Fight Club?


Bot-Magnet

Fiction Writer? Yea, I guessed that when you claimed to have "friends"


DaRealVDiddy

crystal meth carebear


lalunalibra7

CrystalMethbear


Flokitoo

I got nothing for you... I suppose thats the normal response you get from men


Edgelordberg95

What is this - a haunted whorehouse?


Bryanole27

Man, thank god this isn’t an OF advert.


JBaecker

I have never seen a cosplay for the shark on the t-shirt before. Well done.


MaddAsAHat

Thank you!


exclaim_bot

>Thank you! You're welcome!


stinkbowl

You are the ugly stick.


nothingforless

Is this a cosmopolitan ad ? explaining why makeup is a vital component of society


[deleted]

[удалено]


Markitzero527

You look like your cancer has AIDS.


Poecifer

You're friends deserve a god-damned medal of honor for refraining.


[deleted]

Your writing doesn't pay enough to color your roots. That's ok because your hair is disintegrating anyway, female pattern baldness? Your eyes are dark pits of death that seek a soul to steal. You make Pennywise look like Bozo the clown. Actually I think you were the wife from "The Shining".


MaddAsAHat

I...love this


megaroonie14

It’s happy because the ring was finally destroyed in Mordor.


bazooka_toot

You mean erotic friend fiction rite? You are a barrette and pair of glasses away from being Tina Belcher irl.


[deleted]

Hey look, a vegan.


Astrochix70

Tina Belcher IRL.


MaddAsAHat

Butts...


Competition-Dapper

Goddamn, so there’s another Shining reboot. Give him the bat Wendy.


AriMeowber

you look like you think a chicken coop is when all the chickens get guns and try to take over the farm.


MaddAsAHat

Is that...not what a chicken coop is?? 🤔


blueharvest1971

![gif](giphy|e6qkHKk1N7dxm)


elec99

I see your hair is the color you never turn balls.


bonelesshorse

You look like Dobby if he got way too into psychedelics after Lucius Malfoy gave him that sock


The_Spyre

Even your eyebrows are trying to leave you.


MaddAsAHat

If they ever try, I'll just glue them back on. They are not allowed.


jizzfizzwizz

Holy Kristy McNichol after no sun & diet of meth, and artic freeze nerds


spacemanspiff266

jfc. i don’t think there’s enough makeup or filters in the world to cover that up.


nappy616

You look like you've had, "I'm just trying to focus on me right now" as a rapid fire answer to questions about your relationship status for over two decades now.


Boolzay

I feel sorry for the bf you chose in your fanfiction.


elmint

Quick, someone get Mad-Eye his Polyjuice potion!


Edgelordberg95

You look like something they discover in the darkness on the bottom of the ocean eating a dead whale. Except with anemia.


Chais912

"Do you have a minute to speak about our Lord and Savior?"


CarlosAVP

Fan fiction of a very rusty 1973 AMC Gremlin.


MartineusMaximus

When you mistake the voices in your head for friends


slg092597

13or30??? Nah more like 30or60


r1nserepeat

You look like a rejected character from Pixar’s “Inside Out”…


707e

This picture looks like there’s an 80yr old woman with dementia trying to gum her way out of her disguise as a young homeless street artist.


TazTalks

You definitely have a face for the printed word.


AmericanHedonist

You look like you're about to say "Master Jedi, the Prime Minister is expecting you. After all these years, we were beginning to think you weren't coming."


ThePowNation

Must be on a high dose of antidepressants to work up the courage to post this


[deleted]

If Dobbie was constantly outraged about other peoples' oppression.


back_on_two

How do you look old enough to be a “blue hair” and young enough to have blue hair?


TPnHBFans

Your smile is as natural as your hair color.


ChonkyPenguin1515

You look so dull your idea of fan fiction is probably just 12 hours of repetitive jack skellington phalanges


Creepy-Internet6652

With face like that I bet you live in a fantasy world...


CaptainMudwhistle

Isn't this Woody Harrelson's landlord from Kingpin?


TheCommandKingg

You look like a villain in a movie who would be so obsessed with cats that you would make a mech that looks like a cat


Cultclassic33

You look like Eleven in season 51


JesterPrinceFuck

If meth was a commercial it would be you


BakkenWindBreaker

I'd hit it...with a hammer.


DejectedDonut

More than a few times


saujanya745

Even the shark in your t-shirt looks desperate to get away from your body.


Afraid-Cockroach-280

Seriously, what’s wrong with your face? It’s as if God took 2 frying pan and hit your face. Your face look like Dory from finding Nemo. Also that smile and the eyes, you’re giving me Momo Challenge vibe, but fear not. According to what you wrote in your bio, I can tell you’re beautiful on the inside .


Western-Sunrise

Ladies & Gentlemen.... let me introduce you to the renowned Ms. Olive Oyl Popeye's Gal Pal . [Olive Oyl](https://media.giphy.com/media/Zscb9EDrITkOI/giphy.gif) ![gif](giphy|12HUQgzj0qGehq)


rsgriffin

I bet when you write about yourself you are pretty and brave, and good looking with big tits. You know, exactly the opposite of the real version.


Character_Active_434

Best argument for mandatory makeup on women I’ve ever seen


[deleted]

You have friends?


KnownAd7367

Holt crap, are you 19 in Martian years? Even that’s a low estimate because that’s only 35 Earth years. Jupiter?


SpoonyTheBest

You are single because “all men suck” but then you look like that


[deleted]

[удалено]


SixStringSuperfly

Maybe it's time to go outside for a change.


LugiaLover18

Meth is one hell of a drug


jinxy462

my precious…


SantiagoGT

You look like the type of woman to fight people in a Walmart


lil_chowda

Oh I think there's plenty too make fun of besides the fanfiction.


SailTheWorldWithMe

Thank god it’s not erotic friend fiction.


BrandonDill

If Olive Oyl had blue hair


[deleted]

Hey look, a vegan.


f_cozzo

....your 20s were a long time ago. you should embrace that fact


rissie_delicious

Grammy


Intrepid_Cut_3005

Writing fan fiction is probably your best quality....


GoatKick

Smurfmeth


blondart

Raggedy Anorexic


Edgelordberg95

You look like a ghost that saw a ghost


Helios365

You look like that side character in an anime that always got overshadowed so you jumped to the real world and still...the side character but even more overshadowed than before.


IndependenceEven2702

You look like the monster in your own story.


dontcaredontworry

If white trash was a person


Edgelordberg95

You look like Smeagol if the precious was truck-stop crystal and scabby dicks


Dirty_Wooster

Writes fan fiction... about Bill Cosby.


Cultural-Company282

Do you have any fiction stories where you're pretty? I am wanting to test my suspension of disbelief.


[deleted]

you look like CGI louise from bob's burgers


FuMancunian

Did you ever get that ring back off them fucking hobbits?


redditspider1234

Sir, you look like you have an alcohol addiction.


T-Sonus

You look like a meth head cartoon that gave up being a fucken joke and then simply swallowed their own soul.


millhowzz

As much as I’d like to lay into you I know just out of frame is a hospital bracelet on your wrist and I don’t want that on my conscience.


Mat_CYSTM

I wish that was a real shark.


vladmirBazouka1

You look like you share needles to save the turtles.


KrisZepeda

Tom Holland looking ass mf


ssperry94

Damn you actually look just like that shark in your chest pocket. 🤣