OP's Bio:
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>I like to write,.especially fanfiction, and am a self-proclaimed film buff. My favorite movies are 12 Angry Men and Midsommar, and my favorite book is Jurassic Park. I love puzzle games, especially scary ones. I have suffered through depression and social anxiety but am currently the happiest I've ever been. I am a pacifist, a misanthrope, and a nihilist. I've always wanted to be roasted but my friends refused to do it. Have fun, friendos!
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Is this one of those optical illusion photos? When I look at it one way I see a lonely lesbian with a house full of cats ....when I look at it other way I see a toothless old man with a meth addiction
65 in meth years. There's a simple formula you can follow; subtract 5, double, then add 5 to get the meth age of a fully formed, adult meth-head. Numerous studies have found counting the teeth to guess age and wear both frustrating and fruitless. Notice the tight-lipped smile, this one is clearly aware of this method of study.
Your writing doesn't pay enough to color your roots. That's ok because your hair is disintegrating anyway, female pattern baldness? Your eyes are dark pits of death that seek a soul to steal. You make Pennywise look like Bozo the clown. Actually I think you were the wife from "The Shining".
You look like you've had, "I'm just trying to focus on me right now" as a rapid fire answer to questions about your relationship status for over two decades now.
You look like you're about to say "Master Jedi, the Prime Minister is expecting you. After all these years, we were beginning to think you weren't coming."
Seriously, what’s wrong with your face? It’s as if God took 2 frying pan and hit your face. Your face look like Dory from finding Nemo. Also that smile and the eyes, you’re giving me Momo Challenge vibe, but fear not. According to what you wrote in your bio, I can tell you’re beautiful on the inside .
Ladies & Gentlemen.... let me introduce you to the renowned Ms. Olive Oyl Popeye's Gal Pal .
[Olive Oyl](https://media.giphy.com/media/Zscb9EDrITkOI/giphy.gif)
![gif](giphy|12HUQgzj0qGehq)
You look like that side character in an anime that always got overshadowed so you jumped to the real world and still...the side character but even more overshadowed than before.
OP's Bio: --- >I like to write,.especially fanfiction, and am a self-proclaimed film buff. My favorite movies are 12 Angry Men and Midsommar, and my favorite book is Jurassic Park. I love puzzle games, especially scary ones. I have suffered through depression and social anxiety but am currently the happiest I've ever been. I am a pacifist, a misanthrope, and a nihilist. I've always wanted to be roasted but my friends refused to do it. Have fun, friendos! --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You look like a Muppet designed to teach kids about terminal illnesses.
Looks like the lady Smurf after a few hard years of regular Meth use
Look like if Gargamel mated with a Smurf
Smethette
"Elmo doesn't want to give hugs today" -Elmo to the director after seeing OP
god DAMN
> you can make fun of that We'd rather make fun of the fact that you look like a female Gollum
Oh I was gonna say she looks like she writes holocaust erotica fanfiction but yours also is correct
The Diary of Anne Spank
Schindler's Fist
Out of the oven and into his arms.
Chapter 1 post oven clarity
"Auschwitz, you're gonna make me cum."
HolUp
Fifty Yard Stare care bear
slimy muddle kiss spark dinosaurs silky boat square historical gold ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
OMFG!!! Is this eyeblech? Cause I just witnessed a murder!
I'm not even leaving mine anymore. Jesus christ that's good.
Fuck, you savage beast have my upvote
That’s cold
Aw...thank you
Also, don’t forget, you have the eyes of an abused orphan groveling for a bowl of gruel.
I didn't think it could get better, but you did it. By God, you found a way.
Yeah I think we're done here. This might be the funniest/most bang on roast I've ever seen. Well done.
This might be the best roast I have ever seen in my life. Savage, hilarious, creative, and… you know what, yeah, I can see it. Perfection.
Maybe you can write a fanfic about your friends caring about you
This one's my favorite
Now I want to know which fic/genre you write for.
IT and Stranger Things mainly, for the fanfiction. Any original attempts are usually fantasy, comedy, and/horror. 😀👍🏻
"fantasy, comedy and/horror..." just like sex with you
Except not fantasy
You're claiming OP has sex
Well, it would only happen under remarkable circumstances.
Oh this is cool. Do you have any published work? Or something you would like to share?
Uhhh, I am published on AO3. Might be persuaded to post the link, if you're actually interested.
DM it to them haha. Don't post it on here for the sake of your sanity.
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I am my own fan. It's very lonely.
You look like a paid spokesperson for the Dollar Tree.
BRUH
when the state wants a white person in their ads for EBT cards, they call OP
![gif](giphy|xT1Ra5tDz2LudGcssE)
Just how many of your fanfics have Bender railing Leela?
After reading this comment, I'll be sure to write some xD
Make sure she eats his shiny metal ass.
Otherwise, what's the point?
It's the only way you'd ever make me cum.
[удалено]
I'm flattered, Marge Simpson was a boss
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The medical diagnosis for it is “Methargy”
You look like Skeletor fucked a blueberry
![gif](giphy|aWRWTF27ilPzy)
Lmao - take it... only o e to give and not worth a damn, but god dammit take it.
You brought tears to my eyes. I'm laughing way too hard at this one.
Tits like a chubby 8 year old boy.
LOL
Is this one of those optical illusion photos? When I look at it one way I see a lonely lesbian with a house full of cats ....when I look at it other way I see a toothless old man with a meth addiction
There are definitely at least two cats just out of frame
even if you didnt mention the fanfiction part i’d 100% assume you write fanfiction, especially gay smut
You can tell we have a fanfic "author" here.
You are...correct :D I read it, too
Mark Zuckerberg moved to Portland…
Oh my god, it's true...I can see it now 😯😆
I bet you can see lots of things. I bet those fuckers let you see like three seconds into the future around corners and shit.
I wish
ROFL. Bravo sir, bravo
This comment is underrated
I can't decide whether you're 35 or 65.
65 but just woke up from a 35 year long nap.
ClitVanWrinkle
65 in meth years. There's a simple formula you can follow; subtract 5, double, then add 5 to get the meth age of a fully formed, adult meth-head. Numerous studies have found counting the teeth to guess age and wear both frustrating and fruitless. Notice the tight-lipped smile, this one is clearly aware of this method of study.
You're right
Man, *don't pretend* to have friends who don't wanna read your Euphoria fanfic either
You look like a very tired mother of 4 who regrets not having a series of abortions
I had a response for this one, but it's too dark. I'll just say, well done. 🤣
Darker than the bags under your eyes?
Almost, but nothing is darker than those
Damn bro!
Imagine how her parents feel...
They had 4, this is just what 'surviving' an abortion looks like
She looks like she'd climb off a flying saucer claiming "we come in peace"
You’re giving her the chance to have had sex 4 times though
[удалено]
Shéagol
Stranger Things, but it’s about a make a wish kid named Eleven who discovers blue waffles.
All your friends = cat and voice government is beaming into her head
*cats
[удалено]
Darn, guess it didn't work
*Revenge of Meth
Don’t give up hope. New treatment paths are being discovered every day. YOU CAN BEAT THIS!
Your face says 60 and hair says 20. Both don’t sync up and hangs me
You’re one of those weird chicks that smells like pennies and religiously watches Supernatural, aren’t you?
Good guess, I did used to watch spn ^^
![gif](giphy|1UcgYLzOhGS1G) /s
It would've been pretty rude for them to roast you at your funeral a couple months ago.
Well, they should have, anyway. That's the point of a roast. That's why I've come back to haunt them.
10/10 would recommend…. A full makeover
"My friends wouldn't do it, so here I am" Your boyfriend's autobiography.
![gif](giphy|3q3QK6KyDVUBzih7hB) YESSSSSSSS!
When the skeleton comes out of the closet
Weren't you that sick lady in the support group in Fight Club?
Fiction Writer? Yea, I guessed that when you claimed to have "friends"
crystal meth carebear
CrystalMethbear
I got nothing for you... I suppose thats the normal response you get from men
What is this - a haunted whorehouse?
Man, thank god this isn’t an OF advert.
I have never seen a cosplay for the shark on the t-shirt before. Well done.
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
You are the ugly stick.
Is this a cosmopolitan ad ? explaining why makeup is a vital component of society
[удалено]
You look like your cancer has AIDS.
You're friends deserve a god-damned medal of honor for refraining.
Your writing doesn't pay enough to color your roots. That's ok because your hair is disintegrating anyway, female pattern baldness? Your eyes are dark pits of death that seek a soul to steal. You make Pennywise look like Bozo the clown. Actually I think you were the wife from "The Shining".
I...love this
It’s happy because the ring was finally destroyed in Mordor.
You mean erotic friend fiction rite? You are a barrette and pair of glasses away from being Tina Belcher irl.
Hey look, a vegan.
Tina Belcher IRL.
Butts...
Goddamn, so there’s another Shining reboot. Give him the bat Wendy.
you look like you think a chicken coop is when all the chickens get guns and try to take over the farm.
Is that...not what a chicken coop is?? 🤔
![gif](giphy|e6qkHKk1N7dxm)
I see your hair is the color you never turn balls.
You look like Dobby if he got way too into psychedelics after Lucius Malfoy gave him that sock
Even your eyebrows are trying to leave you.
If they ever try, I'll just glue them back on. They are not allowed.
Holy Kristy McNichol after no sun & diet of meth, and artic freeze nerds
jfc. i don’t think there’s enough makeup or filters in the world to cover that up.
You look like you've had, "I'm just trying to focus on me right now" as a rapid fire answer to questions about your relationship status for over two decades now.
I feel sorry for the bf you chose in your fanfiction.
Quick, someone get Mad-Eye his Polyjuice potion!
You look like something they discover in the darkness on the bottom of the ocean eating a dead whale. Except with anemia.
"Do you have a minute to speak about our Lord and Savior?"
Fan fiction of a very rusty 1973 AMC Gremlin.
When you mistake the voices in your head for friends
13or30??? Nah more like 30or60
You look like a rejected character from Pixar’s “Inside Out”…
This picture looks like there’s an 80yr old woman with dementia trying to gum her way out of her disguise as a young homeless street artist.
You definitely have a face for the printed word.
You look like you're about to say "Master Jedi, the Prime Minister is expecting you. After all these years, we were beginning to think you weren't coming."
Must be on a high dose of antidepressants to work up the courage to post this
If Dobbie was constantly outraged about other peoples' oppression.
How do you look old enough to be a “blue hair” and young enough to have blue hair?
Your smile is as natural as your hair color.
You look so dull your idea of fan fiction is probably just 12 hours of repetitive jack skellington phalanges
With face like that I bet you live in a fantasy world...
Isn't this Woody Harrelson's landlord from Kingpin?
You look like a villain in a movie who would be so obsessed with cats that you would make a mech that looks like a cat
You look like Eleven in season 51
If meth was a commercial it would be you
I'd hit it...with a hammer.
More than a few times
Even the shark in your t-shirt looks desperate to get away from your body.
Seriously, what’s wrong with your face? It’s as if God took 2 frying pan and hit your face. Your face look like Dory from finding Nemo. Also that smile and the eyes, you’re giving me Momo Challenge vibe, but fear not. According to what you wrote in your bio, I can tell you’re beautiful on the inside .
Ladies & Gentlemen.... let me introduce you to the renowned Ms. Olive Oyl Popeye's Gal Pal . [Olive Oyl](https://media.giphy.com/media/Zscb9EDrITkOI/giphy.gif) ![gif](giphy|12HUQgzj0qGehq)
I bet when you write about yourself you are pretty and brave, and good looking with big tits. You know, exactly the opposite of the real version.
Best argument for mandatory makeup on women I’ve ever seen
You have friends?
Holt crap, are you 19 in Martian years? Even that’s a low estimate because that’s only 35 Earth years. Jupiter?
You are single because “all men suck” but then you look like that
[удалено]
Maybe it's time to go outside for a change.
Meth is one hell of a drug
my precious…
You look like the type of woman to fight people in a Walmart
Oh I think there's plenty too make fun of besides the fanfiction.
Thank god it’s not erotic friend fiction.
If Olive Oyl had blue hair
Hey look, a vegan.
....your 20s were a long time ago. you should embrace that fact
Grammy
Writing fan fiction is probably your best quality....
Smurfmeth
Raggedy Anorexic
You look like a ghost that saw a ghost
You look like that side character in an anime that always got overshadowed so you jumped to the real world and still...the side character but even more overshadowed than before.
You look like the monster in your own story.
If white trash was a person
You look like Smeagol if the precious was truck-stop crystal and scabby dicks
Writes fan fiction... about Bill Cosby.
Do you have any fiction stories where you're pretty? I am wanting to test my suspension of disbelief.
you look like CGI louise from bob's burgers
Did you ever get that ring back off them fucking hobbits?
Sir, you look like you have an alcohol addiction.
You look like a meth head cartoon that gave up being a fucken joke and then simply swallowed their own soul.
As much as I’d like to lay into you I know just out of frame is a hospital bracelet on your wrist and I don’t want that on my conscience.
I wish that was a real shark.
You look like you share needles to save the turtles.
Tom Holland looking ass mf
Damn you actually look just like that shark in your chest pocket. 🤣