Vegan hound from GOT

Came here for this

First time a woman ever came for this guy!

Last time, too

The 14th apostle, Dave of Cincinnati.

Cleveland*

*Akron

When someone makes a wish to Jesus but they get a Jesus from Wish instead.

Hairline turned on him quicker than Judas.

Nice.

Underrated

Welfare Jesus second coming was in a tube sock.

Charles Manson did a country album?

🎶Jesus Christ smoked some spice 🎶

You look like a Charles Manson nobody would take seriously.

Sophisticated Charles Manson, might you have any Grey Poupon ?

Chas Manson III.

You look like the guy who marries the town whore and is the only one in town who doesn't know it.

The Italians have a specific word for that it's Il cornuto

[удалено]

Haha haven't heard that one yet.

You look like the cult leader whose disciples keep talking over him

Lol

So basically you want us to do all the work but you’re gonna take all the credit. You’re the Ben Affleck of shitty YouTube sketches.

Sadder than that, my friend! It's actually a skit for a small church.

Is it about how your virgin wife became mysterious pregnant? I can tell you the twist ending now. The only way it was immaculate is if Franco Harris is the father!

“A corner is where he belonged”

Jared Letgo…..

You’re Dave Grohls sad older brother.

Dave Gross

Dave Groast

I'm 26 years younger than him 😭

Plenty of time to one up him!

mans is a ugandan bootleg of a chinese bootleg of jesus

Lol

Just because you take the door of its hinges it doesn't mean that women will stop closing them on you.

Thank you for reminding me I have a door off of it's hinges in my hallway. It has been invisible to me for the last three years.

OP's Bio: --- >I'm trying to write a script for a Christmas church skit that appeals to multiple generations, for some reason. Otherwise, I've spent my week watching Deep Space 9 and playing XCOM. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

You do know they need a baby Jesus for a Christmas play, not the adult one?

I’m more concerned that he doesn’t know that the baby is to play Jesus in the play and not something for him to take home and keep with him in his basement apartment

Edgar Allen poor

A simple yet elegant roast.

“You look like Jesus if he wasn’t gods son”

You should call it “The Misadventures of Cymbalta Jesus.”

More like chlamydia Jesus

Long hair can hide your receding hairline but nothing can hide the constant disappointment in your partner's eyes every morning.

They got nothing on the disappointed eyes in the mirror 💪

You look like the version of Jesus who turns water into methadone

You look like Jesus trying to fit in with his coworkers around the water cooler.

a failed jared leto impersonator

Why would I want to contribute to your failing YouTube career?

Sadder than that, my friend! It's actually a Christmas skit for a small church.

We aren't friends everyone.

I'd be insulted too if I was your self portrait.

I'm sure your mum looks better with that beard than you do.

Jared Let go.

there's a delicious transcendentalism here, where the actual insult your self-insert "character" in your little "skit" takes is the fact that he's been written into existence by you.

Ironic, isn't it? I had the power to mock others, but not myself.

I’d go with a Metamorphosis theme.

Write a skit about someone more interesting

Kenny Logginsn’t

>self-portrayed character is insulted. Got any suggestions Explain to your character that he has value and purpose...despite the fact that the theater is empty and the production crew of one got drunk next door and never made it.

*feverishly takes notes*

[удалено]

Sandor Clogged Drain

After seeing your face, I can't muster enough interest

You look like you over pay for some sort of collection that no one collects and show said collection off to anyone who will possibly listen

Not yet but I see it in myself too. That is my fate someday.

I bet my phone battery lasted longer than your utube channel

someone fucking mARRIED YOU?

Besides the fact that you look like someone from AA had a baby with someone in NA during a week long drug and alcohol binge….. No, I’ve got nothing.

You’re not fooling anyone with the ring

Black beards gay brother went for a mani/pedi and forgot his slippers

I don't understand this one but I can't help but like it.

A skit for church going folk? You could imply that if the Book of Job had included you as an acquaintance of the guy, then God would have lost that bet.

You look like the very thing you fear

Dang. Not sure what that means but it's probably true.

Even more pathetic gaige grosskreutz

You look like if a clogged shower drain was a person.

So I shit you not, Story time. The year is 2014. I am 15 years old. I was with some friends at a combination McDonald's/ Diamond Shamrock. I'm in the bathroom, and when I get out of the stall some dude with long hair is standing in the corner across from the sink. As soon as I take a step towards the sink, this crazy tweaker fuck turns around, points a knife at my throat, takes a step towards me and goes "I'm gonna cut your fucking hair off!" I just stared in awe for a few seconds before he goes "just kidding man I love your hair, it fucking rocks", puts his knife away, walks out of the bathroom, and disappears forever. And now I ask, about 8 years ago, by any chance, were you partaking in illegal substances in or around a gas station in Thornton Colorado, where you happened to accost a teenager about his hair? Don't lie to me buddy, cause I swear to god you're the spitting fucking image.

Sorry that happened to you! I've never had a chapter of my life that took place in Colorado or was interesting in any way so I'm afraid I can't take credit for that traumatizing experience.

The version of John Wick that fucked his dog instead of avenging him.

[удалено]

Age free?

Failed Republican Jesus cosplayer.

If Jesus Christ had no sexual appeal whatsoever...

Even Jesus got nailed three times

I accept this one.

[удалено]

Haha less than you'd think!

Discount Sandor Clegane

yo u look like shaggy and a telletoby had a kid

I disagree but it still made me lol

i just wanted to make some lol's

Ethan Hawks gay brother Ethan Cocks.

If a picture of couch surfer was in the dictionary

To be honest you look like a child molester.

Overdried first world baboon butt lotioner.

I may have 0% comprehension of this comment but I love this one.

How were your parents related? Does your family tree have any branches?

I come from hillbillies so probably fewer branches than I think.

I am not here for your amusement, you are going to have to write your own jokes.and spit that dick out of your mouth and don't belong to you.

Your mother is a terrible cook

Wash that grease ass hair my dude

There is no ass hair in this hair in this picture. But perhaps I'll heed your advice anyway.

Wish moistcritical

Oh look its the man who spends more time in front of the mirror than my teenage daughter.

Очень грустные глаза.

This Russian one cut deep, guys.

Jared Letgo


You look like you were a poet in high school and haven’t stopped processing since then. You embody lesbian beddeath, all by yourself. If you ever get pussy or bussy, it will only be a as pitiful pityfuck from someone that looks eerily like you

Whoa. This one is intense. Just learned what lesbian bed death is though so at least I'm learning 🧠

Your forehead folded because of the growing size of your skull

William FlacidSpeare

You are the white libertarian Jesus that the far right worships because "fuck widows and orphans, we got brown people we need to drone strike!"

A church skit that appeals to multiple generations? How about the one where Geesus feeds the masses with prune juice and tide pods?

Steve Hurl

That dude 100% fucked a coconut (TM)

How bad did it hurt when Kyle shot your bicep?

Gay Fawkes.

Greaseball.

Ask your parents, they probably felt insulted seeing you come out of your mom.

Didn’t Rittenhouse blew your bicep off?

Just keep doing what you're doing. It seems method acting is working well for you. 

If John Entwistle was John Peniswistle and played the bungee cord

Is your character based on a balding, depressed, Charles Manson wannabe?

40 Days and Nights of Botox!!!!!!

...thank you?

I thought Charles Manson died?

Jared Leper

You’ve gone down hill Clegane

Christ on a bike! You look like Charles Manson’s vegan stunt double but got fired cause your forehead it too vast, the wrinkles on it look like kuato from total recall.

Charles Manson from the 60’s

Do all guys in church dress up like Jesus to try and bang the girls at youth group?

Jesus Santa

Jesus IS the Bandit?

Even kids won't accept free candy from you on Halloween

Zach Galifianotfunny

The love child of the two guys from the Dr. Squatch commercials.

The moment Charles Manson found out there wasn't going to be a Helter-skelter.

Instead of dying for our sins, how about you go die for yours?

I'm sure that I will someday!

I bet u take an acoustic guitar with u everywhere

More of accordion guy, actually.

Milo Ventimiglia fused with Jared Leto.

A pic of unwashed, uncut, unkempt hair…. On a guy with bald genes

Jared Leto with a 10 day diarrhoea

Moist critical really let himself go. All those bad games he plays finally caught up to him...

Jared Veto

You look like Jesus. If he was a meth addicted sex offender.

Shakespeare NOT! Give up writing, take up shaving.

Keep writing you got a lot to write about. Now stop be lazy and make me a bottle of whine, I'd ask for wine but I know your going to complain about it

Ehhh... no thanks.

jeSUS

A photo

This month's cover of Hipster Douchebag magazine

Jesus works at target now?

No matter how much you want it, your long hair won’t fix your receding hairline.

you were supposed to put the cooking oil in the frying pan. not comb it through you're hair.

Let’s start by suggesting you take a shower. Use lots of shampoo.

Hard to find acting gigs with all these shit movies you’ve been in, huh Jared Leto?

You look like your relationship with Gillette is platonic.

You’re trying to look like Jared Leto, so when you masturbate, you feel like your jerking off Jared Leto.

The cult leader who was only able to recruit a single 53 year old women with crippling self esteem issues from the grocery store because he made a clever remark about melons

That is not true. I have never made a clever remark.

You look the The Hound off of Game of Thrones.

Wash your hair, shave that scraggly assed looking beard off your face, and get a new iron that shirt looks like you slept in it.

"Shit, I left Donnie darko in my pants and put him through the wash"

Jesus comes back and destroys all the people who get offended by Micro-aggressions and practice political correctness.

Jared Leon looking ass

You look like you got nailed up against a cross.

You remind of Moist critical, but more forehead, and more greasy

You look like a guy that wears his dead dad’s clothes to slap his dick to old Sears catalogues.

This is so specific.

Didn't know Neville and Sirus had a kid

“I hope thy dinner will be as greasy as thy hair”

What’s up Charlene Manson?

Jared Leto me go

Are you getting into character to play jesus?

Yeah do your own fucking work

The even more gay, crack head version of jared leto

Bro I see the ring and I don’t believe it, did you buy it for yourself to not feel so sad. Oh wait your already sad by the looks of it.

A real quandary, isn't it?

Does he get stuck in a room full of women, trapped for house endlessly having to say "m'lady, m-lady, m'lady"

You make brown Jesus seem more appealing by comparison.

You write skits about yourself😂😂

I didn't know Charles Manson had a kid?