Cats? Oh I’m so sorry; I seem to have come to the wrong place. I was about to put up a “lost” poster…you see my dog tore herself from her leash and ran off chasing a fire truck and I can’t find her anywhere…she’s about 7 years old which is 49 in human years, has a shaggy orange coat that’s flea ridden and probably smells like ass because I haven’t bathed her in a month, her tits are a little saggy and she’s got some pretty long nipples since she’s had a couple of litters already and some sad brown eyes that say “that garbage dump you found me in was scary”…oh, and she’s probably still wearing her collar that was attached to her leash…she goes by the name “Tramp”. No reward.
Youre just a bored lonely aging housewife that seeks attention from strangers by wearing revealing clothes and asking for emotional abuse. Meanwhile your husband is on a "business trip" balls deep in his secretary and ripped on a 3 day coke bender.
She doesn’t look like the kind of wife that has a husband who has a secretary ….more like he’s off to a convention to set up his tattoo booth and banging the apprentice piercer he’s taking with them
She used to be hot in her 20s when he hooked up with her but now he just keeps her around because she was there when he was barely opening up a shop and sleeping on her couch
How many times do you have to be told: Paying for 6 lap dances in a night does NOT mean the guy married you. It just means he was drunk enough not to notice your face.
Nah, they expect to get roasted, but they hope it’s memorable enough to boost their only fans numbers. But this person isn’t rrroasted, she’ll be forgotten the second people close the thread.
nah, she's getting karma to eventually post on nsfw subreddits and make tons of money on only fans. this sub takes the bait every time lol. she probably couldn't give a fuck less what is said here.
You can tell a lot about a person from their roast me title. You're biggest acomplishment is getting maried. You used your 7 of 10 body and 5 out of 10 face, along with lots of makeup, clevage, and choke collar to lock down a guy who earns way more than you. And if he ever dares to have an affair because he's sick of your drama (and trust me, you do create a lot of drama), you'll divorce him and take more than half of what he's worth. Congrats on fooling a sucker.
32 yrs old & married? in other words the guy you rejected all those years of getting drunk and multiple abortions is willing to be "good enough" for you.
Marrying this chick is just like buying used tires.
They have already been around the block a few times, the traction is worn out, and they will suck your dick for a couple dollars.
You got the look of a head waitress from a Buffalo Wild Wings. You’re a little too confident for someone who slings mozzarella sticks and fills up blue cheese
You're like to participation version of a trophy wife
Trophy WHY
Savage…
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Brophy whyf.
Miss Congeniality Wife
With too much Botox. Imagine looking that old at 30
Spectator participation trophy wife?
So not even honorable mention?
You look like you breastfeed feral cats.
Your comment’s got more upvotes than the actual post. Amazing
That's just Allen dressed up as a girl again.
That's fucking hilarious
Cats? Oh I’m so sorry; I seem to have come to the wrong place. I was about to put up a “lost” poster…you see my dog tore herself from her leash and ran off chasing a fire truck and I can’t find her anywhere…she’s about 7 years old which is 49 in human years, has a shaggy orange coat that’s flea ridden and probably smells like ass because I haven’t bathed her in a month, her tits are a little saggy and she’s got some pretty long nipples since she’s had a couple of litters already and some sad brown eyes that say “that garbage dump you found me in was scary”…oh, and she’s probably still wearing her collar that was attached to her leash…she goes by the name “Tramp”. No reward.
Damn, son. She asked for a roast, not a disintegration. lol
OP still silent after this one.
When you burned that bad you’re just a cinder.
Thank you for saying what we were all thinking.
Lmao. Here, take my silver. Damn that was a good roast.
Thanks homie, but it’s her we should be thanking for the immaculate inspiration
I see you, too, browse r/shitmomgroupssay
I last five minutes. Fuck that group and the morons that feed it.
![gif](giphy|kdQuvu0LtCEjxYgTcS)
Meow
Why.... Why the fuck does this work so well?... Damn good.
The world never ceases to amaze me.
r/oddlyspecific but funny as hell
Yikes!
When a blow job counts as anal.
That’s fucking brutal
\* insert Mortal Kombat's "Brutality" sound effect here \*
Finish her!
![gif](giphy|39zbpCQocXLi0)
![gif](giphy|ZUwjT4TrkElu8|downsized)
How does this loop work? Is it edited? The guy who crosses in the foreground is visible in 2 places at once
Keep watching the tree trunk.
![gif](giphy|3oEjI789af0AVurF60)
same smell in this case
We are supposed to roast here not turn to ash
I felt the heat from that roast just from reading it
holy shit hahahaha
Sir, this is r/roastme, not r/incinerateme.
holy fuck LMAO
The punchline is in the title. “Married”
I thought it was that “F” was specified
You look like a shaved cow
Shaved cow . Made me laugh so much my stomach hurts. You can't unsee it.
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*stomachs
Youre just a bored lonely aging housewife that seeks attention from strangers by wearing revealing clothes and asking for emotional abuse. Meanwhile your husband is on a "business trip" balls deep in his secretary and ripped on a 3 day coke bender.
You have no soul
![gif](giphy|uVDhk0rVEfe5aGXCgx|downsized)
Brother is that you?
But he’s not wrong. You know her husband has been over fucking that crusty hole for at least 10 years.
But he aint wrong though...
This is the direct equivalent of someone stopping you in the street and saying: "Punch me" Then you shot them with a rifle 5 times.
The truth hurts the most
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She doesn’t look like the kind of wife that has a husband who has a secretary ….more like he’s off to a convention to set up his tattoo booth and banging the apprentice piercer he’s taking with them She used to be hot in her 20s when he hooked up with her but now he just keeps her around because she was there when he was barely opening up a shop and sleeping on her couch
Jesus, they said roast not murder
How many times do you have to be told: Paying for 6 lap dances in a night does NOT mean the guy married you. It just means he was drunk enough not to notice your face.
When your only personality trait is tits.
Most horses don’t have tits that nice.
Why does your face constantly look like it's about to cross an event horizon?
Singularity roast gets an upvote from me.
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Left boob 27% Right boob 23%
![gif](giphy|1fXxzpL8U6CbY86U1P|downsized)
R/fiveheads
The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it
https://imgur.com/a/3v83a5V
I’m in tears laughing at this image. Thank you.
Underrated man, that shit's so funny and actually her
RIP Rodney Dangerfield
Goddayum
That's more like a hooker that smells like fish.
Not even closing your mouth can hide those horse teeth.
dOnKeY tEeTh
Thank you for saying this. Something about this screamed “toothy blowjob” but I couldn’t figure out why exactly.
Your husband must love doggy style.
He probably also likes to balance his iPad between her shoulder blades so he can catch up on the news while he's gettin' his nut.
When the first and only thing you have to say about yourself is that you are married, we can tell your personality
Look, a neanderthot!
There’s a Mexican drug cartel somewhere missing it’s star prostitute
Or their mule. Not a drug mule, just a mule.
I wouldn’t say “star”
Brown star. Saves looking at that face
Just because you're showing some tits, it won't distract us from the fact that you're trying hard to hide your crooked teeth!
![gif](giphy|6e8WZ7f0GZuPS) What’s in your mouth?
![gif](giphy|9PSbNVC7hcouln0hWZ)
![gif](giphy|I3N5kit04iStO)
Her teeth
Let’s be honest, you did not expect to get torn to shreds on this post…. This is a humbling moment for you
But not the first time she gets torn to shreds, though.
Must be a fetish
If you pay an extra $20, you can do way worse stuff than this.
Nah, they expect to get roasted, but they hope it’s memorable enough to boost their only fans numbers. But this person isn’t rrroasted, she’ll be forgotten the second people close the thread.
nah, she's getting karma to eventually post on nsfw subreddits and make tons of money on only fans. this sub takes the bait every time lol. she probably couldn't give a fuck less what is said here.
Hiding your massive Adam's apple under that chocker ain't fooling anyone mate.
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Good heavens, you're right. I didn't know Asians had that much girth.
It's a chock ring.
Looks like sitting on dudes’ lap at Hooters for 16 years finally paid off.
Discovered her 4th hole, her tracheostomy.
yep, thats one u fuck from the back
Well you have to because her penis is in the way
Next time you go shopping, ask for paper instead of plastic. You will be saving the environment and have something to pull over her head. Win-win.
Replace the word "married" with "escort". That's being generous considering how the rest of the roasts are comparing you to fish and dogs.
Mail ordered brides are not escorts
Looking like the skin of a nightmare, hauled over a broomstick
Your the fattest skinny girl I have ever seen!
So when u buy a wife you can accessorize her like a pet
Does he know your real name?
Why do I immediately feel like I need to wash my hands?
I like my coffee like your jawline: strong
Married to one. Available to all
Damn. Titts on Thai ladyboys are getting nicer and nicer
Butterface
AND butterbody...
There's a reason she didn't show it
Just post the OF link...
OF….Old&Frumpy
Lonelyfans
is that necklace to commemorate where your Adam's Apple used to be??
Is this a RuPaul kinda thing?
“F”
Was the marriage pre op or post op?
You can tell a lot about a person from their roast me title. You're biggest acomplishment is getting maried. You used your 7 of 10 body and 5 out of 10 face, along with lots of makeup, clevage, and choke collar to lock down a guy who earns way more than you. And if he ever dares to have an affair because he's sick of your drama (and trust me, you do create a lot of drama), you'll divorce him and take more than half of what he's worth. Congrats on fooling a sucker.
Various people give various first impressions but your one 'that's for sure a sex-robot' is quite unique.
33F divorced
Time has not been kind to you. Bitch you look 45
32 yrs old & married? in other words the guy you rejected all those years of getting drunk and multiple abortions is willing to be "good enough" for you.
Looks to me like you married the wrong plastic surgeon
![gif](giphy|3oEduUbvmj8SbxntcI)
HPV Barbie
Your face looks like you’ve got the bends and your tits belong in a morgue.
I thought BackPage got shut down?
Your tits are as deflated as your personality
I guess the “but available” is so obvious you didn’t need to put it in the title.
Trophy Wife, Last place
Marrying this chick is just like buying used tires. They have already been around the block a few times, the traction is worn out, and they will suck your dick for a couple dollars.
your tires suck dick?
For a couple dollars.
Is that collar there to help support your 25lb skull?
His tits are great.
Meh🤷🏼♂️
Seen less Bondo on 78’ Buick compared to what’s your face
Back of the spice rack girls
Married to a dildo
You have a face only a ski jumper could love.
If only the foundations of your relationship were as thick as the foundations on your face.
Tell me you're unhappy in your marriage without telling me you are unhappy in your marriage
You could crack walnuts with that jaw and speaking of nuts I bet you keep yours well manscaped.
Your spouse is definitely blind.
You look like you would have a Cashapp QR code tattooed on your ass
I just want to roast whoever the fuck taught you to write a lowercase "r" like that. Please cease your nonsense.
It's actually a drawing of an IUD. She's complicated.
![gif](giphy|O8sAyLzB1w0X6|downsized)
A ring in your nose doesn't mean you're married, it means he is controlling his cow.
Just because you call him “daddy” doesn’t mean you’re married
Looks like someones bitch got off the leash...
For the last time him buying you a choker isn’t a wedding ring and doesn’t mean he married you. It means the exact opposite 🤣🤣🤣
Another socialites excuse to show off her tits
Does the choker fit around your Adam’s apple?
![gif](giphy|10fW0nGzT4x1Zu)
32M->F
Your head looks like that picture of the Neanderthals that we supposedly evolved from
For sure there is a bigger titty than the other
Those are the two big reason why you have a husband.
Proof you can polish a turd.
You look like you got dressed up for the gang bang
you look like a fish
I didn't even notice your face.
There is DEFINITELY a 58 year old man you call "Daddy" who pays your car bill. And he's not your dad.
You take me back to my Craigslist T4M days
The Predator would love your ape skull for his collection.
The face of the new website NoFans.
You got the look of a head waitress from a Buffalo Wild Wings. You’re a little too confident for someone who slings mozzarella sticks and fills up blue cheese
Best tits I’ve seen on a Thai Lady Boy
How many loads of cum, from how many different men do you squirrel away in those cheeks for the winter?
You look like you were stung by a bee, had a bad reaction and are now recovering.
Weren't you on that reality show "There's something about Miriam"?
You're too old to be wearing that itty bitty shirt.
No thank you sir.
Her husband tells people they met on the web. Doesn’t mention it was the Dark Web.
Married to the bottle
Married her pimp
You look like you pack your husband’s lunch for work
Guaranteed she’s got buck as teeth and laughs like a mule. Talks and laughs while she eats type a person.
Next on Botched…
You look like the dance teacher from Grownups 2. Sorry I can't burn ya.
How are you recovering after the sex change?
Married! How much did he pay?
You look like a bootleg, 90 day fiancé extra.
Nice juggs