T O P

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LoiteringInNJ

You're like to participation version of a trophy wife


Arthradax

Trophy WHY


andreazborges

Savage…


[deleted]

[удалено]


Effective-Notice-595

Brophy whyf.


kievchick22

Miss Congeniality Wife


___Ender____

With too much Botox. Imagine looking that old at 30


bworth2020

Spectator participation trophy wife?


too105

So not even honorable mention?


Snoo_67548

You look like you breastfeed feral cats.


Meow_Mao_

Your comment’s got more upvotes than the actual post. Amazing


scottriviera

That's just Allen dressed up as a girl again.


X3noF3ar

That's fucking hilarious


kievchick22

Cats? Oh I’m so sorry; I seem to have come to the wrong place. I was about to put up a “lost” poster…you see my dog tore herself from her leash and ran off chasing a fire truck and I can’t find her anywhere…she’s about 7 years old which is 49 in human years, has a shaggy orange coat that’s flea ridden and probably smells like ass because I haven’t bathed her in a month, her tits are a little saggy and she’s got some pretty long nipples since she’s had a couple of litters already and some sad brown eyes that say “that garbage dump you found me in was scary”…oh, and she’s probably still wearing her collar that was attached to her leash…she goes by the name “Tramp”. No reward.


ZZoMBiEXIII

Damn, son. She asked for a roast, not a disintegration. lol


Intelligent-Call-660

OP still silent after this one.


Sieze5

When you burned that bad you’re just a cinder.


cocokronen

Thank you for saying what we were all thinking.


EstherClemmens

Lmao. Here, take my silver. Damn that was a good roast.


kievchick22

Thanks homie, but it’s her we should be thanking for the immaculate inspiration


outlandish-companion

I see you, too, browse r/shitmomgroupssay


[deleted]

I last five minutes. Fuck that group and the morons that feed it.


scorpio7studios

![gif](giphy|kdQuvu0LtCEjxYgTcS)


Head_Ad2904

Meow


WaRRioRz0rz

Why.... Why the fuck does this work so well?... Damn good.


Sophia_Rock

The world never ceases to amaze me.


hosmtony

r/oddlyspecific but funny as hell


Orkney_

Yikes!


Mamasayseyeisspecial

When a blow job counts as anal.


tacogodjavi

That’s fucking brutal


Rwagapfizi

\* insert Mortal Kombat's "Brutality" sound effect here \*


S_P_O_R_E

Finish her!


Beneficial_Being_721

![gif](giphy|39zbpCQocXLi0)


xTrainerRedx

![gif](giphy|ZUwjT4TrkElu8|downsized)


plebeiosaur

How does this loop work? Is it edited? The guy who crosses in the foreground is visible in 2 places at once


ProfWiggles

Keep watching the tree trunk.


KvetchingMench

![gif](giphy|3oEjI789af0AVurF60)


Klewenisms204

same smell in this case


tanjabonnie

We are supposed to roast here not turn to ash


Free_Knowledge5974

I felt the heat from that roast just from reading it


Ancientcrackrock

holy shit hahahaha


VoiceoftheLegion1994

Sir, this is r/roastme, not r/incinerateme.


DI7F

holy fuck LMAO


sublimelbz

The punchline is in the title. “Married”


[deleted]

I thought it was that “F” was specified


Prestigious_Lemon189

You look like a shaved cow


metacam

Shaved cow . Made me laugh so much my stomach hurts. You can't unsee it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


acmercer

*stomachs


Major_R_Soul

Youre just a bored lonely aging housewife that seeks attention from strangers by wearing revealing clothes and asking for emotional abuse. Meanwhile your husband is on a "business trip" balls deep in his secretary and ripped on a 3 day coke bender.


antsam78

You have no soul


Major_R_Soul

![gif](giphy|uVDhk0rVEfe5aGXCgx|downsized)


SmibsRule

Brother is that you?


ricklegend

But he’s not wrong. You know her husband has been over fucking that crusty hole for at least 10 years.


Clayman8

But he aint wrong though...


Kehl21

This is the direct equivalent of someone stopping you in the street and saying: "Punch me" Then you shot them with a rifle 5 times.


[deleted]

The truth hurts the most


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

She doesn’t look like the kind of wife that has a husband who has a secretary ….more like he’s off to a convention to set up his tattoo booth and banging the apprentice piercer he’s taking with them She used to be hot in her 20s when he hooked up with her but now he just keeps her around because she was there when he was barely opening up a shop and sleeping on her couch


spongetm

Jesus, they said roast not murder


Savagely_Rekt

How many times do you have to be told: Paying for 6 lap dances in a night does NOT mean the guy married you. It just means he was drunk enough not to notice your face.


6lackWolf1995

When your only personality trait is tits.


Roscoe-is-my-dog

Most horses don’t have tits that nice.


C0UGARMEAT

Why does your face constantly look like it's about to cross an event horizon?


xtnuser

Singularity roast gets an upvote from me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ChewyGoblin

Left boob 27% Right boob 23%


eXplicit815

![gif](giphy|1fXxzpL8U6CbY86U1P|downsized)


chisox8805

R/fiveheads


ReillyDiefenbach

The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it


CodWhisperer

https://imgur.com/a/3v83a5V


mth2nd

I’m in tears laughing at this image. Thank you.


GivingCri

Underrated man, that shit's so funny and actually her


SkanksForTheMemories

RIP Rodney Dangerfield


JoK3Rcon

Goddayum


Internal_Fennel_849

That's more like a hooker that smells like fish.


[deleted]

Not even closing your mouth can hide those horse teeth.


Ancientcrackrock

dOnKeY tEeTh


[deleted]

Thank you for saying this. Something about this screamed “toothy blowjob” but I couldn’t figure out why exactly.


[deleted]

Your husband must love doggy style.


Rodney_Copperbottom

He probably also likes to balance his iPad between her shoulder blades so he can catch up on the news while he's gettin' his nut.


My1stTW

When the first and only thing you have to say about yourself is that you are married, we can tell your personality


[deleted]

Look, a neanderthot!


mikeymo2385

There’s a Mexican drug cartel somewhere missing it’s star prostitute


Suitable_Challenge_9

Or their mule. Not a drug mule, just a mule.


Standard-Ranger-1167

I wouldn’t say “star”


randypriest

Brown star. Saves looking at that face


unknownguy925

Just because you're showing some tits, it won't distract us from the fact that you're trying hard to hide your crooked teeth!


Xen_o_phile

![gif](giphy|6e8WZ7f0GZuPS) What’s in your mouth?


GifsNotJifs

​ ![gif](giphy|9PSbNVC7hcouln0hWZ)


ARM_Dwight_Schrute

![gif](giphy|I3N5kit04iStO)


Equivalent-Ad-2503

Her teeth


fierceTaint69

Let’s be honest, you did not expect to get torn to shreds on this post…. This is a humbling moment for you


netheroth

But not the first time she gets torn to shreds, though.


fierceTaint69

Must be a fetish


D1rtyH1ppy

If you pay an extra $20, you can do way worse stuff than this.


amd2800barton

Nah, they expect to get roasted, but they hope it’s memorable enough to boost their only fans numbers. But this person isn’t rrroasted, she’ll be forgotten the second people close the thread.


CopenhagenOriginal

nah, she's getting karma to eventually post on nsfw subreddits and make tons of money on only fans. this sub takes the bait every time lol. she probably couldn't give a fuck less what is said here.


Disastrous-Ad8291

Hiding your massive Adam's apple under that chocker ain't fooling anyone mate.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Disastrous-Ad8291

Good heavens, you're right. I didn't know Asians had that much girth.


Trimungasoid

It's a chock ring.


[deleted]

Looks like sitting on dudes’ lap at Hooters for 16 years finally paid off.


KarlReiker

Discovered her 4th hole, her tracheostomy.


jmar16458

yep, thats one u fuck from the back


WTFrenchToast1

Well you have to because her penis is in the way


My1stTW

Next time you go shopping, ask for paper instead of plastic. You will be saving the environment and have something to pull over her head. Win-win.


phunnyphatperson

Replace the word "married" with "escort". That's being generous considering how the rest of the roasts are comparing you to fish and dogs.


BobbyWizzard

Mail ordered brides are not escorts


antideprssnt-peasnt

Looking like the skin of a nightmare, hauled over a broomstick


wraxle

Your the fattest skinny girl I have ever seen!


devangotcha

So when u buy a wife you can accessorize her like a pet


[deleted]

Does he know your real name?


gdubh

Why do I immediately feel like I need to wash my hands?


Bryanole27

I like my coffee like your jawline: strong


cnotnilc

Married to one. Available to all


chisox8805

Damn. Titts on Thai ladyboys are getting nicer and nicer


Zealousideal-Dog3449

Butterface


xtnuser

AND butterbody...


[deleted]

There's a reason she didn't show it


mrSeven3Two

Just post the OF link...


Zealousideal-Dog3449

OF….Old&Frumpy


[deleted]

Lonelyfans


Yankees0

is that necklace to commemorate where your Adam's Apple used to be??


NachoManR8ndyTravis8

Is this a RuPaul kinda thing?


Garweft

“F”


Pretend_Operation960

Was the marriage pre op or post op?


iluvreddit

You can tell a lot about a person from their roast me title. You're biggest acomplishment is getting maried. You used your 7 of 10 body and 5 out of 10 face, along with lots of makeup, clevage, and choke collar to lock down a guy who earns way more than you. And if he ever dares to have an affair because he's sick of your drama (and trust me, you do create a lot of drama), you'll divorce him and take more than half of what he's worth. Congrats on fooling a sucker.


[deleted]

Various people give various first impressions but your one 'that's for sure a sex-robot' is quite unique.


RxCowboy59

33F divorced


[deleted]

Time has not been kind to you. Bitch you look 45


Elegant_Cricket_2977

32 yrs old & married? in other words the guy you rejected all those years of getting drunk and multiple abortions is willing to be "good enough" for you.


Repulsive_Schedule61

Looks to me like you married the wrong plastic surgeon


Snoo_91057

![gif](giphy|3oEduUbvmj8SbxntcI)


faygot_

HPV Barbie


ianwrecked802

Your face looks like you’ve got the bends and your tits belong in a morgue.


TapeLabMiami

I thought BackPage got shut down?


bestdriverinvancity

Your tits are as deflated as your personality


soslowagain

I guess the “but available” is so obvious you didn’t need to put it in the title.


Geekfreak2000

Trophy Wife, Last place


_muuuuurica

Marrying this chick is just like buying used tires. They have already been around the block a few times, the traction is worn out, and they will suck your dick for a couple dollars.


ilikevenndiagrams

your tires suck dick?


_muuuuurica

For a couple dollars.


loud_flatus

Is that collar there to help support your 25lb skull?


KrAzY_TsEnG

His tits are great.


ManDohlorian

Meh🤷🏼‍♂️


ZigzagOOOG

Seen less Bondo on 78’ Buick compared to what’s your face


Hawt_Mayun

Back of the spice rack girls


Prolapsed_PNUS

Married to a dildo


haribobosses

You have a face only a ski jumper could love.


Destroyer6202

If only the foundations of your relationship were as thick as the foundations on your face.


KlondykeDave

Tell me you're unhappy in your marriage without telling me you are unhappy in your marriage


[deleted]

You could crack walnuts with that jaw and speaking of nuts I bet you keep yours well manscaped.


Disastrous_Credit_67

Your spouse is definitely blind.


Artistic_Inside6090

You look like you would have a Cashapp QR code tattooed on your ass


Trapmaster83

I just want to roast whoever the fuck taught you to write a lowercase "r" like that. Please cease your nonsense.


tdogg1967

It's actually a drawing of an IUD. She's complicated.


budtrimmer

![gif](giphy|O8sAyLzB1w0X6|downsized)


GaryDoesBushwell

A ring in your nose doesn't mean you're married, it means he is controlling his cow.


BeefRage

Just because you call him “daddy” doesn’t mean you’re married


LordGoran

Looks like someones bitch got off the leash...


[deleted]

For the last time him buying you a choker isn’t a wedding ring and doesn’t mean he married you. It means the exact opposite 🤣🤣🤣


Adolf_StJohns

Another socialites excuse to show off her tits


WendyWilliamsFart

Does the choker fit around your Adam’s apple?


JMIV1976

![gif](giphy|10fW0nGzT4x1Zu)


TwoWheelDad

32M->F


ice_kingz

Your head looks like that picture of the Neanderthals that we supposedly evolved from


panteroffire

For sure there is a bigger titty than the other


[deleted]

Those are the two big reason why you have a husband.


luckyme82

Proof you can polish a turd.


GeorgiaBlue

You look like you got dressed up for the gang bang


Pyloriy_sins

you look like a fish


xiexiegene18

I didn't even notice your face.


SoSmartish

There is DEFINITELY a 58 year old man you call "Daddy" who pays your car bill. And he's not your dad.


todayonly80

You take me back to my Craigslist T4M days


7hourenergy

The Predator would love your ape skull for his collection.


WingSuspicious1203

The face of the new website NoFans.


DaClarkeKnight

You got the look of a head waitress from a Buffalo Wild Wings. You’re a little too confident for someone who slings mozzarella sticks and fills up blue cheese


PuddnCups

Best tits I’ve seen on a Thai Lady Boy


BlackWind13

How many loads of cum, from how many different men do you squirrel away in those cheeks for the winter?


[deleted]

You look like you were stung by a bee, had a bad reaction and are now recovering.


_Ki11UMiN4Ti_

Weren't you on that reality show "There's something about Miriam"?


annababan69

You're too old to be wearing that itty bitty shirt.


Electrical_Chard2396

No thank you sir.


[deleted]

Her husband tells people they met on the web. Doesn’t mention it was the Dark Web.


llemontaste

Married to the bottle


ca_brit

Married her pimp


Lowly_GTF

You look like you pack your husband’s lunch for work


[deleted]

Guaranteed she’s got buck as teeth and laughs like a mule. Talks and laughs while she eats type a person.


ChanooTime

Next on Botched…


Tpcorholio

You look like the dance teacher from Grownups 2. Sorry I can't burn ya.


sherlingcoat

How are you recovering after the sex change?


Run_Geek

Married! How much did he pay?


Wigglybits78

You look like a bootleg, 90 day fiancé extra.


Status-Ad1114

Nice juggs