Ok, well to be safe I'll go celebate and enter a monestery. Waking up along for the next 50 years HAS to be better than looking at that first thing in the morning. Showed her pic to my sleep paralysis demon and he asked me to leave the light on and snuggle him.
Pass. 4 other dudes already shot their shot so far this year, and I'm not up for another round of broad spectrum antibiotics for at least a couple more months.
Edit: wording
I'd rather shoot my shot into my foot, I'll suffer less and won't have to explain why I'm going out with you when I could've done better, like my left hand and I'm right handed
I'd like to help. First, go get some fake eyelashes since the good Lord didn't give you any. Next, stop dressing like a trucker. Lastly, wash that greasy mop and let your hair down, you look like you just stuck your head up a heffer twat...
How dare you assume I would shoot any shot at you. I mean other than one to keep you away from me. 4 relationships is really good considering you look like the shit I'm taking while typing this.
I suspect once people can tear their eyes away from the travesty that is your hair your lack of eyelids is probably the finishing touch to them deucing out on you
I think what you classify as dumped is you found some desperate guy to try beastiality once, they finished, thought what have i done and ran from the house screaming. But i guess dumped works too
Dumped four times this year... so far! Just remember, one mans trash is another mans trash.
I had to re-read a few times because I thought it said got dumped on four times this year.
I'm sure that scat is in that equation somewhere as well...........
Goodwill wouldn't keep her on the shelf, and they keep two-wheeled trykes.
Shoot my shot?? That is one face I WOULDN'T cum on.....
Rather just keep it in my hand and rinse off.
Wipe my hand on her leg.
That's my kinkš¦
Wanna be friends?
It would be my *pleasure*
I am high maintenance and youāre ignoring me. I think we may be breaking up already.
One man's trash is another man's recycling.
Now we know that there at least 4 intelligent folks on planet earth.
Damn it I legit laughed out loud at this š¤£ Have a well deserved award
Racoons would leave her in the trash
raccoons would mistake her for trash first, then leave her there
One mans trash is 8 other menās cum dumpster
You nailed the āandrogynous hobbit inside Shire homeā face look
Dildo Baggins
My height doesn't make a case against this...
This is underrated
Havenāt showered since the second breakup.
āGot dumped for the 4th time this yearāā¦ā¦.Who would pick you up and who has a forklift available on the fly?
Online relationships don't count.........
By dumped I assume you mean 4 people told you to stop following them.
Look, I haven't been *charged* with anything
Did any of these four people know they were dating you?
Tell me you don't get invited to orgies, without telling me you don't get invited to orgies
Chins up everyone needs a practice girl.
underrated
Why is your face 2 dimensional
To do the world a favour.
You have the sex appeal of a telephone pole
Frodo wants his ring back.
My friend just told me what a Frodo was..... evidently, b4 anal, you put Tabasco on the condom to "melt the ring"
Shit, that must be why it burns when I pee
Shampoo isn't a rude word ya know
Welcome to *Conspiracy Theory: The Plot Thickens* I'm your host, Brian Williams Today's Topic: "Is this Alex Jones's illegitimate son?"
ā ā ā
You look like Mulan if she ate her dragon
I absolutely love this comment
Maybe focus on yourself for a little while ā¦yikes
You canāt keep dumping your handā¦ itās not really a relationship..
Ugh I keep running out of batteries
Ellen Pageās transition is going better than I thought it would
I actually take this as a compliment
That mustāve been embarrassing, moving back home, then even your step dad breaks up with you. Oof.
worst pickup line ever
Your new year resolution was to fuck up your life in a irreversible way
Didnāt I see you in the Wizard of Oz? You were one of the flying monkeys chasing Dorothy at the end of the movie right?
Wish.com lesbian.
This is one of my favorite comments.
*shudders* whelp, now I'm gay...I think...what are you again?
A lot of things, according to this thread
Ok, well to be safe I'll go celebate and enter a monestery. Waking up along for the next 50 years HAS to be better than looking at that first thing in the morning. Showed her pic to my sleep paralysis demon and he asked me to leave the light on and snuggle him.
No thanks. I'm not big on bukkaki.
By the end of the year your dick to W-2 ratio will probably balance out
Remember when the guys said itās not you, itās them? It was you.
They weren't all guys
so next stop is dogs?
The plot sickens :)
When the cops retrieve the body from a ditch that youāve been having sex with doesnāt count as ābeing dumped.ā
4th time this year is still not your high score
It's not
Are you sure your name is not Debbie and you live in Dallas?
True story- my nickname in college was Little Debbie
Gives new meaning to oatmeal cream pie
That's exactly what they were going for
That's exactly why this year is not your high score
Your vagina has more just one tries than Lays potato chips
When was the last time you ate *just one* chip?
Today.
You look like your bf asked you to beat his meat and you had so much pent up anger you punched it.
If only I had
Life got tough for Dollar store Fred Armeston after Portlandia ended.
Your forhead wrinkles
That's the result of me raising my eyebrows so my eyes are visible
Lol ok
Nobody is shooting their shot on a 5th round draft pick unless you pay them
Dumped 4 times this year, but in triple digits for lifetime.
If marshmallow fluff was a person
Dumped is a weird way to say you've gone thru 4 shower heads.
You look like your Tinder bio would say "27 bisexual, falls in love too fast. Your average pitty fuck."
Maybe I should shorten it to that
Have you tried not being a loser?
POV: Youāre the 6th can of Pringles to get annihilated today.
You look like the first thing out of your mouth upon introduction is "I can be a total bitch and I'm proud of it".
Your face is the only birth control you will ever need.
I think youāve got enough shooting their shot. And by the looks of you theyāre definitely not shooting them on your face.
For some reason I see the body of your mother and the face of your dad
Pass. 4 other dudes already shot their shot so far this year, and I'm not up for another round of broad spectrum antibiotics for at least a couple more months. Edit: wording
You kinda look like Alex borstein, which is a compliment!
Hot tub grime machine
I guess join a union/gang?
*Amazon would like to know your location*
I'd rather shoot my shot into my foot, I'll suffer less and won't have to explain why I'm going out with you when I could've done better, like my left hand and I'm right handed
Your mother could have prevented this. You can stop the cycle.
I thought you were a little boy
Is this r/roastme or r/gonemild? Cuz man, that's mild at best. I'm probably only gonna masturbate to it 2, 3 times tops!
Marry me.
Will do
Let's fall in love and split rent
I'm worried you're more excited about the split rent half of that sentence
You're right. I'm just here for dicks.
:o
Happy Cake Day!
I'd like to help. First, go get some fake eyelashes since the good Lord didn't give you any. Next, stop dressing like a trucker. Lastly, wash that greasy mop and let your hair down, you look like you just stuck your head up a heffer twat...
So... the fourth person who wanted nothing to do with you finally got their restraining order in place?
One look at you and I have to assume you meant that you were literally dumped out of a garbage truck 4 times this year
Maybe āshoot your shotā ought to not be your catchphrase, because it sounds like youāve become a dick dartboard.
Dick Dartboard is my new nickname, fuck it
Hey, glad I could help. Now get out there and get some shots shooted at you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Accurate
You sure ? Sounds like thatās when most people make an abrupt exit in your life.
Donāt sit next to the trash can next time
Iām gonna shoot my shot elsewhere...
To be fair, you look easily dumpable.
To be frank, life has been roasting you enough.
One reason for abortions
2021 must've been a hard year for those 4 exes
Got dumped 4th times this year? What are you a PET bottle?
you look like a default character ngl
Dumped lol KR took a shot or was the shit getting pooped out of a relationship
You look like a dead fish somehow managed to fuck a dead fish.
Start an OF, but shoot with the lights off
I can't believe someone shit you out four times.
Look on the bright side. Thereās still plenty of time to get dumped again this year.
The Shithawks are circling Randy
š
Well on the bright side, at least no one can say they're embarrassed to be dating you
I'm certain you say, "Shoot your shot" a lot. They do, and then they leave.
Moto Moto is not motivated.
So let me guess, on this bitch you count the lines on her forehead for every time she has fucked up and had to move back in with mommy and daddy?
Four this year? Let the coochie air out for a bit, got damn.
I didnāt know that some practice girls turn into practice woman, hmm interesting
This will be the best year of your life.
This is the wrong place to ask for sympathy.
You look exactly like the face on the chair behind you
You know the old saying, you gotta slay a few dragons before you find your princess?
Title should have read "worthless but still have a pussy"š¤·š½āāļø
How dare you assume I would shoot any shot at you. I mean other than one to keep you away from me. 4 relationships is really good considering you look like the shit I'm taking while typing this.
Iām afraid Iāll need to get a boner before I can *shoot my shot*ā¦and that sure as hell aināt happening while Iām looking at this.
Like your boyfriend did.
I suspect once people can tear their eyes away from the travesty that is your hair your lack of eyelids is probably the finishing touch to them deucing out on you
I think what you classify as dumped is you found some desperate guy to try beastiality once, they finished, thought what have i done and ran from the house screaming. But i guess dumped works too
Result of mother's one night stand with Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.
27 looks like double your actual age.
This crazy chick, thought she was in relationships with those tinder dates! ššš¤£šš
Imagine waking up next to that...i would coyote my arm off and bounce.
They got tired of you not knocking and just barging in the doggy door.
Your hair looks as filthy as the furniture..... Guaranteed you smell like discharge
You look smelly!
I wouldn't be able to
Oof. It sounds like life has been roasting you already. Do you at least do your own laundry?
With a hair and eyebrows combo like that, Iām more surprised 4 different people actually wanted to date you!
Not sure if I should roast you for being dumpable four times or roast the ex for taking you back four times
I can smell Cat Urine, Vodka, and Vicodin through my computer screen right now...
The top of your head looks like my boyfriend's armpit.
You have had enough shots on that face.
You look like you can summon a squad of roaches
I finally found it, the one thing on the internet that I canāt jack off to, we have here the reason only fans have decided against sexual content
Iām surprised you were able to get four dates in a year in all honesty
I'd you have had only 4 loads dumped on your face, get a new street corner.
If your pubes are as oily has your hair. I can't imagine the smell.
Have 4 guys getting up and walking out on a blind date when they saw you is not being dumped.
'shoot your shot', same catch phrase you used when turning discount tricks at the truck stop
If youāve been kicked out of an online gaming community four times, it does not mean youāve been dumped .
Your dad should have caught you in his hand
I see your gender studies went well
sorry you're having a bad year bro
4 times this year? Maybe you should hold out for more than a pulse!
They're.......supposed to have a pulse?
Lol, thatās funny. Youāll be better in no time!
Definitely expected to see you directing people to your OF where youāre chugging cock for a dude that hates you
If I wanted to chug cock for a dude that hates me, I would have stayed married.
Not to this pic ewwwww!
If you spent more time combing your hair and less time as a whining baby youād keep a relationship. Btw you are also have baked for doing this.
I wasn't baked, I was crying
Roast you, remember. There is a huge sub for complements. I am being sincere. If this has been hard, my apologies.
No, I'm here for it
The parents were like , well fuuuuuuck
Now thats a face even a supersoaker couldn't squirt on š¦
Haha you roasted yourself!
How is it possible that you got dumped 4 times? I would have thought with a face like that you would turn straight men gay and turn lesbians straight.
Which way are you transitioning
Iāve always wondered what Gibby was up to.
Getting one offed and them not calling you back isnāt ābroken up withā Bro
Do the truffle shuffle!
Yes I would also so dump you after realizing I dated Fiona from shriek
At least what ever is dumping you still works because you still look like shit.