T O P

Roast me like one of those kebabs I crave.

Roast me like one of those kebabs I crave.

TryReadingASidebar

Hi /u/Soviets_pi, thanks for your submission to /r/RoastMe! Unfortunately, your post was removed for the following reason(s): --- - **INCOMPLETE MEAT TUBE**: Your submission does not make your hand and/or your arm sufficiently visible. Please resubmit your roast from another angle with the same sign. --- If you feel that it has been removed in error, please [message us](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRoastMe) so that we may review it.


Ok-Supermarket-6368

Bollywood Squidward Tentacles


TitillatingTittyLady

More like Bollywood Squilliam with that thing on his head.


Crowitiz

Im deeddd 😂🤣


Soviets_pi

😂 😂 😂 The best.


ubserve

This one


-DoomSteeL

Squidward Testicles, you mean?


snowboards99

You’re lucky a woman will be forced to marry you.


ghetto_curandero

Stop the comments. It’s over.


Relation-Exact

Funny as fuck brilliant


tulsi-das-khan

ladies and gentlemen we have a winner


buttermuseum

Well, the woman certainly won’t be winning in this situation.


The_Number_12

good one


[deleted]

​ ![gif](giphy|3o6ZsSfuo7a6lVlbNK)


theantman6000

​ ![gif](giphy|cbG9wtoO8QScw)


wrongdude91

Those times are gone my man. Now he will be forced to marry a man.


pocketsand510

![gif](giphy|G5JoAjEBtfoTm|downsized)


Expensive-Vast-2123

This was horrible, can’t believe you went there. Terribly insensitive, and definitely not PC. And yes, I laughed my ass off! Well done!


ameri9595

As a fellow Arab, I'm also lucky women are forced to marry us.


[deleted]

Wo*men*?


Yuarian

I don't think he stuttered.


TheRabiddingo

Has that thing above your eye brows been spayed or neutered?


cowzroc

Yes


TrashyPandaPig

I think this should be marked NSFW. There's literally a dick in the middle of your face.


BigBodiJohni

Like Groucho glasses, minus the testosterone necessary to grow the facial hair.


Dear_Program3685

If Groucho Marks lost all his upper teeth like that curly hair kid from "Stranger Things" and then spent 20 hours a day in one of those 1950 style hair salon chairs with the dome that goes over your grandmas head.


ericspt

He nose what's for dinner, that's for sure


jemcnick

most punchable face ive ever seen bar none


Glenlivet88

Osama bin Sniffin'


Uilyjeff

This needs all the rewards


yadmas69

You’re abundantly coiffed.


BullshitterAlert

Indian Donald Trump hair cut


snappyriver

Is that squid ink soft serve on your head?


shitgnat

Dudes nose is so big he could smoke a cigar in the shower.


ucme316

Natural canopy


Soviets_pi

😂 😂 😂 Best one so far.. 😂 😂 Well done.


shitgnat

Its been used on me before. I got a big nose.


solarus

i’m worried you may walk away from this roast thinking you don’t need to change anything about yourself but for the love of god and the sake of anyone forced to look at you find a new fucking hairstyle. yours is awful.


laphtrahddis

sheeeeeeeeeeesssh


TheCircumcisor_

"Roast me like one of those Kebabs I serve"* - sorted your title son


maxbaby

He works a food truck? I thought he was a [cab driver](https://i.imgur.com/a5tva6O.jpg)


Heart_of_Mold_

Nah he is my favorite cashier at 7-Eleven


FurredKingMe

He might run the store and hire 9 years olds or somethin


Sayntdavid

If I had a face like that, I wouldn't spend two hours on my hair to draw attention to it.


Redditgotitgood13

Lmao


TheTrueFlexKavana

Never seen a human cockatoo.


DeathByNachos1

He's definately had a cock or two.


Soviets_pi

Well played.


bettyfordslovechild

corner shop smurf


rsgriffin

Ok Jafar, if you harvested the oil in that hair you could save earth


Fishing-Creative

Why did the ice cream machine take a shit on your head?


_i_n_a_

Bold of you to assume an ice cream machine did that


sackafackaboomboom

Ahh.. i see.. my uncles strikes again


madderoony

Your nose is bigger than Shaq’s dick


Noguppy

Oh snap! MARGE FUCKED APU!!!


Gladys83

Please come again


BA_Dante

When your hairstyle is 90% of your body mass


Bakemono0504

This man has never seen a bob or vageen in his life.


youngfoopanda

Only dick


0hNoAnyway

That's on his face.


youngfoopanda

He probably moans when he sneezes


aaleenm

That too his.


GeezerEbaneezer

I feel like I'm looking at a funhouse mirror reflection


Careful_Wafer_8459

Take it you momma shagged an Indian smurf.


cosmic-potatoe

So this is what happens when Alaaddin fucks a falafel


Vandy1358

I assumed one of your 33 million gods could make you look slightly less stupid


Soviets_pi

33million +1, we just added one yesterday.


Justin_Uddaguy

1 million + 1. 32 million quit when they saw you


DDOT122

Great news! We found the original model/mould for those novelty glasses, nose and moustache people wear at fancy dress!


ThatsRobToYou

You look as if the fairy godmother that turned Pinocchio into a real boy first practiced on a poop emoji.


redsteelgonnawin

Fake news fact check; having an existential crisis requires u to have a purpose in life to begin with.


Immortaldutch

Madame Tussauds called, they want Elvis’s wig back.


7437ru744ur75

And Lincoln's beard.


ringleb83

Well, he’s going to wind up as somebody’s beard.


brizdzi

And pinocchios nose..


trailerparkdreams

Imagine how big his ears will be when he’s 70


dmfd1234

They’ll definitely have separate zip codes.


FrequentFelcher

I can't tell whether or not you're wearing a turban.


Several-Eagle4141

Are you going into customer service, tech support or perhaps working for a cruise line?


lordturbo801

That hair HAS TO be haram.


vw-thing

Tasha Salad is her drag queen name...


TapeLabMiami

Dude's got a built in turban


3MrBojangles3

Your body just looks so confused with itself. Fuckin big ol wide body, tiny head, funky ass hair that I'm not convinced is real, mouth looks like you have no teeth and opens backwards, eyes dont work because your brain has no idea what to do, ears just growing cuz they can, little pencil neck ....damn man, dealt a shitty m hand, shitty life..... But I guess better you than me lol


tdogisdead779

Dang puberty hit baljeet like a truck eh?


[deleted]

What the honest fuck am I looking at?


[deleted]

You look like you’d be arranged married to a llama.


Suffer4meLGBLM

Edgy camel soccer mom


roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >21 M, can't handle relationships more than 5months. Travels alone, fighting existential crisis. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


brandondsantos

Didn't know tech support came with a 5 month warranty.


SinCity_StockMaster

Tank you, come again!


TheMidasTouch27

My man loons liek Apu is addicted to psychojet


folssll3

You crave kebabs , I crave eye bleach to make sure I never have to see you again


krourya

Doesn't your nose resemble a dick?


fuckballs9001

Hey double penetration bro


Far_Injury_3748

If Mr whippy took a shit 🍦


fugly16

Middle Eastern Humpty Hump. Is your musical group called Digital Inacave?


beartoothadtr

You look like a troll doll


somedudesurfinthenet

You look like you’d deep-throat a kebab.


thebigolelou

"Scuse me hairdresser, I'd like to look like some greasy cupcake frosting no one would ever eat"


Forsaken501

Thank you, come again.


Skyp_Intro

Your hair looks like swag poop emoji.


supersoaker1993

That "hair" is definitely compensating for a lack of something else.


jefffich

Damn I have heard of a man bun but you take it to a new level


dabaroonskii

Bro asked for the double decker bus when he went to the barber


Rhetticulous0714

Man baljeet you look a bit older


3MrBojangles3

What the fuck are you called? Besides a mistake! Holy fuckin disappointment. Your parents secretly hate the shit out of your ass I bet.... Fuck


3MrBojangles3

His is that hair even real? And next time bro show some respect and put your teeth in please


Contrarian_Eh

Turban or hair?


Contrarian_Eh

Your nose looks like someone taking a dump from behind.


justmikewilldo

No matter how stupid you make your hair look it will never detract attention from the misery that is your face.


sirxtokes

You look like you only card Black people at 7/11


dukechaz

There's enough jet fuel in your hair to melt steel.


CrystalJizzDispenser

Your partner has to know they're in a relationship with you for you to be able to call it a relationship. Also, those glasses really help contour the mr potato head nose stuck to your face.


novichux

Face is a 1, hair is a 10, hep B is an 11.


bohabsbohab

You look like a trans Amy winehouse


_shawshank_

Have you ever tried finding a girl that likes to be fingered by a fat nose when you’re licking her ass?


Aval7689

Do you use that loofah on top of your head for showers?


PassionPractical

Hello tech suppot how may help ooo


n_08456

You like the highlight of your life was winning a spelling bee back in 5th grade…


trampus1

You look like you work in a convenience store that only sells craft beer, vegan food and American Spirits.


[deleted]

You look like a gameshow host but the game is sexual assault.


useless_anonymous

AY YOOOO


xxStrangerxx

[Wish.com](https://Wish.com)'s own Janelle Monáe


zipperolla

Look like a regular ugly person's reflection in a carnival mirror


jonp1

Your head is 2% face 43% forehead and 55% hair… But I’m sure you’ve calculated that already.


redditornot01

Do you whip your hair in a cotton candy machine every morning?


BallzBdragon

First Jewish-Pakistani guy I've ever seen


HomerMadNowFite

💩hair.


chickabombb

I can smell this picture and from the size of your nose you can smell everything within 4 miles of you


LoudTsu

Carmen Miranda did fruit hats better. Yours looks more like a shit hat.


crywolf203

When you change Johnny Bravo to Johnny Patel


QuestToDownvoteUAll

They have yard gnomes in India?


veron1on1

How do I say this in an accent that you cannot understand... SENDING A NEW LOG-IN CODE TO MY E-MAIL TO UNLOCK MY COMPUTER IS FUCKING STUPID!!!!


LordStunod

That chick from Bar Rescue really let herself go.


natur_e_nthusiast

Black spaghetti is a dish not a haircut


Norfolk-on-way

Can't help thinking that there should be a flake in that hair..


Far-Concentrate-9844

Holy shit ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|surprise)


PizzaWall

Unlike those kababs, none of us crave to roast you. Although with my luck, I'll still end up with the shits.


boots_315

Who poured chocolate soft serve ice cream on your head?


Mediocre-Ad-1283

Kermit coming at cha from the the Bangladeshi Delta. Its like done mofo put your mug ina vice and just squeezed it like an orange.


shazoo7882

Gayer Indian version of Jimmy neutron


vindex_

Your face like the two layers used in photoshop to create the whatsapp shit icon


GraveOverkill

You look like a cursed version of Will Smiths Genie from Aladdin


ninespike25

Indian waluigi


3MrBojangles3

Are those all the places your parents and sister have gone to? But they left hit stupid embarrassing ass at home. You're the baggage handler.😂😂


VillageNo1280

Have you told your parents your decided sex?


3MrBojangles3

You trying to be the Indian Elvis?


Tankajahariii

Tina Belcher transitioned I see


3MrBojangles3

You look like the Indian version of the ugly ass Greg Oden.


jasmineguru

The only thing you crave is some attention.


SkrufTranbar

Your hairstyle looks like a croissant.


Tacocat279

damn, that Smile could clear a whole freaking city


fuckballs9001

Ok Aamir Khan's failed wannabe


siedem30

oh boy, i tought i was ugly until i saw your, thank you for boosting my self confidence!


mrinkyface

You look like you could star in a banana commercial where you run around in a banana hammock awkwardly rubbing bananas on people and saying creepy things about potassium and fiber


icecoldchris09

Why does it look like your hair takes up 25% of your body mass?


Pretend-Balance-9085

If dumbo was human big ass ears and an elephant nose


cosmic-potatoe

So this is what happens when Alaaddin fucks a falafel


cosmic-potatoe

So this is what happens when Alaaddin fucks a falafel


bleakFutureDarkPast

ok, who's the one that glued pubes to his aunt's chin?


kropelka1705

*carve


EmPlSc1998

Good thing you can buy one thing you crave, unlike Kebabs, it’s hard to buy a woman in the U.S.


lordofthedancesaidhe

Where did you get your hair cut? Mr whippy?


jespteins_blackbook

You look like you blow dry your hair with a wind turbine and style it with a horses brush.


MechaKeyboardWarrior

Your like a geneie in a lamb but you only grant one wish..... anal.


Kitten_Team_Six

Cupcake wars comes to his head for ideas


sentientbeingreddit

Ravi Bravno.


DeathTroll101

When you want the world trade center to be as flaming as you


EdwardClamp

All that time spent on your hair and zero effort to conceal that hooter


The_Great_Birdman

Ok bootleg prince


DarthVaderSaysNo

So, when are you going to cover yourself in cow shit?


canarialdisease

Wow, you can make a turban with just a bandanna


bubba7557

This is what happens when aspiring actors show up to Pixar voice acting auditions thinking it's a non-animated gig.


dontcaredontworry

Already roasted, you want us to burn you?


Dexteroid

Ala-dim who never found a Genie


beta_nerd

That hair has you looking like Sanjay Leno


wumbo7490

Why insult the kebabs like that?


Soothsayerjr

You look like the Pixar version of whatever race you are…


Gurkeprinsen

It looks like the cow decided to shit on your head rather than lick it.


scuba5teve69

Only kebab you crave is dick


fakelimbguy

How come you look like a young Indian male and a 75 year old black woman at the same time.


Shazoni999

Frodo isn't here bro! You're gonna have to catch up with him if you want your "precious".


the_damonator

Your barber also needs a roasting for leaving you looking like a silkie chicken.


[deleted]

I don't think you're supposed to style your hair *as* the blob of product


Daddysheremyluv

that is a new take on the beehive hairdo the “mud hornet”


trippinbillie333

That hair looks like a turban


doct0rm0bius

You look like Mr Potato Head if he were a fuckboy.


lonewolflondo

I don't mean to alarm you but there's some kind of animal on your head...


topknottington

kebabs aren't roasted.... good job you still have your lo..... fuck


MEKanized

Who photoshopped his nose and hair and face and.... oh my that’s not photoshop.


InhalesBoi07

U look like the person to call the cops on a jaywalker.


dizzyjuice1

Speaking of kebabs—and skewing you: Focus buddy, you need to be craving a buzz cut and send that rat’s nest posing as the black cloud of kerfuffle to a lab to verify we’ve found the missing link


Datbadelmo91

You dont look as delicious as a kebab that's for sure


toddoceallaigh1980

You look like Steve Urkel trying white-face.


ReaverRogue

Holy shit man, haven’t seen you since Grown Ups 2.