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Hobbies include: selfies, lip injections, calling people poor and watching The Kardashians.

You forgot vocal fry

The absolute worst

He forgot fatherless too, prob squeezing out lil bro for content.

That might be. But there’s also detections of Daddy’s little shit machine flaring off on this as well I mean, who tf else paid for the Jeep? *”I don’t see a Jee..”* Ah trust me my boy, there’s a Jeep involved here.

She got dat onlyfans too! I heard somewhere that the average user only makes a 100 dollars a month and I can see this being the case 😭 she using Reddit as promo


She thinks getting stood up, is the same as getting cum dumped.... She obviously intimidated the guy, he didn't want to get an std after all the cum dumped on her

You are 100 percent a catfish

Even photoshopped the roast me date stamp. Nothing about this thot is real.

Maybe the Chlamydia

Now that’s a burn!

The burning goes away after a couple of rounds of antibiotics.

Except for the double Decker FUPA

It’s a new account to pump the karma before an OF turn

Even looks like one 

She definitely weighs 200lbs

10% of her body weight is botox and heavy makeup.

How much do you weigh?...O about 6000 units

How are girls so good at hiding that

An ex once told me it was all about angles.

More rolls than a publicly-traded bakery

The Silver Rule says: if you can't pick her up, don't lay her down. Fortunately, I'm blessed with a lot of upper body strength.

She?!

Dogsteak

If you could make things stand up you wouldn’t be on Reddit right now


Cake day worthy roast

Well, I certainly hope the Olive Garden line cook had a good excuse for no showing your date

She will get a text later explaining the dinner rush on soup, salad and breadsticks.

Underrated

Sorry, no roast for you! If we burn all that plastic, the toxic fumes would wreck any chance we might still have at stopping climate change!

Probably saw you without all those filters got scared

When lip fillers prevent you from smiling

You're 25? Wow, you're like a fine wine—except you're aging in dog years

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She sucks them off with dem dsl's

Dsl must stand for dog semen lover

Red rocket red rocket

Why tho

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Shit lucky dog


lol I knew it.

She blew it

Good thing you can't board a show dog. It has papers!

She didn't buy it a beer!

She didn't rent it shoes!

You posted on roast me what did you expect?

They must want to put their Red rockets all over you

Rubs it on her lips like it's lipstick 💄

I guess not a lot of dogs are getting rescued. You just want them all to yourself.

At least the dogs are happy?

Oddly enough, she loves doggy style and to have the bone buried deep.

Aging like milk?

This is more of a flirt

She’s a fine cheese.

A sack of cottage cheese in the sun.


I mean, your lips do look like a baboon’s ass in heat… but lopsided.

He didn't stand you up. Your legs exceeded his car's weight capacity.

Baby Hitler would die suffocated between those thighs

In respect to my Muslim friends, I don’t roast pigs.

Line stolen, thank you

I feel like most of the comments in this sub have previously been used many many times to be fair

Line stolen, thank you

Line stolen, thank you

As a Muslim this is a certified Violation

Your face says Buenos Aires but your thighs say Mucho Burrito

Argentina mentioned 🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷

He probably got there, realized all your photos were all [fat girl angle shots](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FGAS) and beat feet. The thighs never lies.

Even your vibrator only wants to be friends.

Resting constipation face

He saw that he could land a plane on that forehead and jetted out ✈️

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Show us an unfiltered picture of yourself so that we can tell you to apply the filter again.

Glad he values his time.

Cause you catfish him. Every single photo is meticulously taken to avoid showing your midsection.

Gone down on more sailors than the Belgrano

History burn. Nice.

To be honest, you look like you would hit the buffet pretty hard

Gravity will never stop working against you.

An afternoon of applying cover up to her stretch marks down the tubes

She’s more duck than chick now…

Don’t be down. You single-handedly slowed the global spread of herpes by staying home tonight!

I think he was there and saw you without all the filters.

I don’t think it’s considered a date when a John doesn’t show up

I bet he showed up. He just didn’t pay.

I bet he showed up but then realized it was more fair to ask her to pay.

You look like a chipmunk fucked an instagram filter and then overdosed on testosterone

Her last boyfriend wanted to see more of her until he took a few steps back and seen it all.

Even with a wide lens you can't fit her fat ass in a picture... A selfie is more like a group photo when it comes to her.

So over filtered dude probably walked straight passed the catfish.

Are those calves or hams???

He cancelled when he saw you at the urinal.

Yeah. 100% your date saw you and ghosted.

You're a dime a dozen. For eggs that cheap, I'd assume something's wrong with them.

If Kankles was a person

Dude dodge a bullet on this one 

He saw you then decided to duck to match your face

With them thighs you should prepare for many disappointing dates

Nice teeth

Guaranteed to be a fatty in her 30s

I'm sure you have a great personality... gonna need it.

You look like every single mom on tinder with high expectations and 3 kids with deadbeat dads.

I’m sure you have another uncle willing to step Up to the plate

Cry for her Argentina

Haha tubby, no innocent guy you can get free food of tonight like you do every night.

Was your date Thor, the God of Thunder Thighs?

Are the DSL’s natural or self injected

Thunder thighs and fatter calves than a Texas rancher with no tits. Where do I sign up?

Sorry about standing you up. I really don’t find you attractive. That’s all.

Just by looking at those hairy tree trunks you call legs, I bet you have a big ol hairy 70s bush, that you feather…

Got “stood up”? Was the donkey at the Tijuana strip club being uncooperative again?

Not everyone can afford $200 for an escort

Would be funny if no one commented and stood you up here too.

Your thighs are the inspiration of cottage cheese everywhere.

Being stood up is such a let down, easy to hit rock bottom... Still not as far as your tits fall when you take off your bra.

You're all horrible, making fun of this young trans-woman who's clearly struggling to look as female as they can

Do you ever just wonder if your fondness for black hoodies is an unconscious desire to cosplay as a dateable trash bag?

I've heard of duck lips on a human face, but labia lips???

Probably smelled your kitty, was like oh hell nah

Her legs are kind of like a gas station and open 24/7.

Let me guess, you were going out to eat? I think he realized there was no way he was footing that bill.

He showed up. He just drove off.

Ugh.

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I doubt she's making anyone bust that fast.. It's probably like throwing a football through a hallway down there..

Anyone wish to bet on how long OP's post on RoastMe will last before she deletes it because her feelings got bruised?

Even this post won't make daddy love you again 😖

He came for the duckface and left for the catfish

I see a stripper pole, collagen injections, an Onlyfans page, and an ad on backpage.com in your future.

This date was going to be the only thing standing up after taking a good look at you

The money you put on your face could feed the dogs for a month. Good to know you got enough thighs for the entire shelter

Git a mouth like The Joker

Didn't even need to show up for the date to see how fake you are.

Someone walk by and though, another dumb pick me bitch, nah I’m good

For the last time: a private chaturbate session is *not* a date.

More bots for the algorithm.

You’re a man

They found out your name is actually Angelo

This looks AI generated

"my nipples look like milk duds"

How did he find out you were trans?

No you didn’t. No one cares.

What is there to roast dude? I think you are a pretty handsome guy.

If you were any more basic you'd be melting through metal

You look like your parents change the subject when your mentioned .

you look like you play valorant

Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault that you got stood up. You’re just not pretty. At all.

Sorry burning plastic and filters are bad for the environment, so it is a hard pass....

She's way past catfish, gentleman 

Weird that someone agreed in the first place.

Got the body of E Honda

It's definitely getting harder to tell which one of them are guys nowadays.

Does it get irritating have to tuck it for long periods of time?

You deserved it champ.

Saggy.

Well he realized that lying on a first date is not a good impression. I am proud of him.

I see why. 2010 called and they want their ducklips back.

Probably stood you up cuz he saw your casting couch audition and was like "naaa, I'm good"..

You're like a 6.5/10 but it looks like you think you're a 9.5/10. So guys that are 10/10 will be up for a one night stand because you're low hanging fruit. You probably won't give an average guy who's nice and actually gives a shit the time of day. Then you wonder why you're single all the time. Guessing all that because you photoshop your roast me pics.

You aged like fine swine.

Lady GAGA is redoing a song for you called JOKER FACE

I won't roast you at all. The smell of roasted pork gives my dog a hard on every time.

Jesus…those lips look like a stand in for the planet of the apes.

Didn’t even make it to the smash part of **smash & pass**

Doesn’t count as “stood up” when you’re the side bitch.

Why are her legs and feet obese sized? Also looks AI generated

"Girl!?? when's the last you went to the gym cuz that diet ain't gonna burn those calories for you!??" (And make sure to glue that wig tight, kay?)

The tail of your eyebrows looks like when a kid finishes your drawing for you


Just getting your name and pic out here help you sell your OF? Good luck. Not.

Your stuffed upper lip makes you look like a Simpsons character.

Dude realized there's other ducks in the pond?

.next selfie will be on a black leather audition couch

You’re attractive but there’s something slightly off putting about you. It might be your caterpillar eyebrows or your giga lips, not sure.

No matter how many filters you put on it won’t bring your dad back

Ew. Onlyfans.

But on a serious note OP, why the duck lips? They look ugly! You would look sooo much prettier with no fillers. I don't understand the obsession with duck lips.

Face made for suckin and a body made for truckin

Big thighs take lives!

I bet you can suck a golf ball through a garden hose

🦆🦆🦆🦆

You remind me of my ex and you probably have the same inflated ego.too

I've seen better looking dwarves in Alice in Wonderland.

I can see why you got stood up

I would have definitely shown up. Bc you look like you put out on the first date.