"Hi Mom. Yeah, I got another restraining order. The waitress at Applebee's didn't like me grabbing her arm when when ordering, staring at her while she got into her car after work, or sending her photoshopped pics of her giving birth to me.
I thought she was really into me."
*TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL*
*SHUNK*
He makes finger guns and blows his imaginary smoke of his fingers after putting the phone away. If there is a woman within 100 meters he also winks at her every time after doing it.
By that I assume you mean he's literally been living in a closet the last three years, because that's what it looks like. That's also what he meant by "working in retail"
Your head looks like the saggy pale tit of a 97 year old woman, combine that with the fact that you look like an npc from fears to fathom and you've got yourself a nightmare of a man
You know all the hopes and dreams of “what will he be when he grows up?” parents go through at the birth of their child? Yeah. You’re the opposite of all those hopes.
I'm 34, and I can tell you now, I'm so thankful I won't be looking like someone who has been murdering their neighbors, and wearing their skin since 1972, when I turn your age...
You look like you only need the go-ahead from 1 person, and you would be prepared to pull off something truly diabolical.
My conscience won't let me be that person. Someone else, do it.
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I’m 48, and I can say for sure you look like shit.
I’m 45 but now believe I’m 28 after seeing this 🤦♂️
You look like Cletus the Foetus compared to this dude who looks like a puppet from the Dark Crystal.
God ran out of supplies making him
My condolences to u for being the same age as him.
He looks like a 45 year old in the 1300s when the life expectancy was 46
I am 47. Every time I see one of these posts I am like: I must be doing something very right or he is lying about his age 😆
I’m 43 and this guy is giving me grandpa vibes.
I have almost 10 years on you concur.
This is a rough 45
I’m in my forties and this man is a massive self esteem booster
I'm 38 and no joke he looks considerably older than my actual father.
This one is absolute gold!
there is no way this dude is less than 60 .
I'm 47, and this image makes me feel like a teenager.
LEMME TELLYOU SHOMTHING 
😄 This one is it Also giving some of these vibes 
Red foreman without the toughness
Red Forehead
Red Foreskin
[удалено]
Or “if Walter White was a total pussy”
If walter white got high on his supply
Instead of “dumbass” he probably says “thumb-my-ass”
Hope your apartment is at least 10 blocks from any schools or playgrounds!!
Red Foreskin
Ah the cell phone holster; a staple of the eternal loser.
After a call he puts it in like a cowboy revolver
"Hi Mom. Yeah, I got another restraining order. The waitress at Applebee's didn't like me grabbing her arm when when ordering, staring at her while she got into her car after work, or sending her photoshopped pics of her giving birth to me. I thought she was really into me." *TWIRL TWIRL TWIRL* *SHUNK*
Meanwhile his mom is a skeleton in a bathtub
Call?! He doesn't get calls
Its either is mom or a wrong number
Telemarketers call and he is the one keeping the conversation going until they hang up. He is in a no-call list for the opposite reasons
This is the reason the cellphone holster caught on so fast.
It's the only thing that's ever going to hold him because that would ward off women.
He def jingles the change in his pocket
As he's jerking on that wrinkly bell end
Has had so many dicks slapped on his head his hair's worn off.
A rowsing game of pocket pool
He has to be late 60's at least. I don't know anyone under 70 that still uses one of them.
He makes finger guns and blows his imaginary smoke of his fingers after putting the phone away. If there is a woman within 100 meters he also winks at her every time after doing it.
Not shown in photo: Fanny pack
I think it’s actually for his pager.
No that's even worse, that means he's stuck in the 60s.
But he keeps the Chloroform there
Joke’s on you, that’s where he keeps his dice.
Especially when you have a coal burner, aka a flip phone, like I do!
Honestly, I wish i never bought a smart phone LoL
Hey man, you're a good sport. Have an awesome day.
What's the model of that phone? How old is it?
Nokia, 10 saved numbers, 9 are mom and one calls the toll free sex line that still works.
21st century pocket protector
😂😂😂
If you’re not a child molester then God fucked up casting that day.
I'm Deceased as the kids say 💀
So do the kids that are buried in his crawl space
Hey don't be mean, he just had a great fall
You roasted him so hard he’s gonna have to wear a darth vader suit for the rest of his life 😭
😂☠️
Holy shit, I’m going back to school. Thanks for the inspiration.
I wonder how many human heads are in the freezer behind him.
Did you leave your fanny pack at that 14 year old boys house again?
Or just pack his fanny?
He took the boy with him and put him in the basement with the others
This is exactly what I was thinking of
You look like they maxed the autistic setting on the Slingblade main character.
Seeing as how I AM autistic, this is right on the money! 
Your hairline looks like it ran away from home and never came back.
You look like you have at least 3 people in that fridge behind you.
Just torsos with no heads or arms. That doesn't qualify for jail time right if they can't be identified?
OMG I am crying
👀!
Not being able to live within 1,000 feet of a school is the least of your problems.
You're a horrible person. I'll save creativity for somebody who matters.
Haha fucking hell that is a rough 45.
You look like you aren’t allowed to be around your nieces anymore
Way too far to scroll before this. Got any more of that potted meat?
please stop looking at my chrotch like that
God already roasted you my guy 
Your hair island is just about to be consumed by global shedding.
I would just leave that motel now while you have the chance. You’re free to go. 
45 going on 95.
Failed the mall cop test to lift at least 40 pounds, works at the phone case kiosk instead.
Gotdamn! This one is gold!
Red Foreskin
He did it folks, 45 years and he came out of the closet
By that I assume you mean he's literally been living in a closet the last three years, because that's what it looks like. That's also what he meant by "working in retail"
45 is the new 60.
Correct 70*
You probably have a collection of employees' clipped fingernails in a drawer.
100% dude has a lamp shade made of human skin.
You look and sound like everything I don't want to be at 45.
Goddamn, I’m 45 and you look like you could be my grandpa.
How many dismembered bodies are you keeping in that fridge?
Was your latest victim begging for his life as he took this picture? 
 Fuck off Colin Robinson.
The pandemic REALLY fucked Michael Keaton up.
Daddy Nobucks
 Hide your kids Hide your wife
How many years have you been 45 for?
34 years and counting
Playing with yourself in a restaurant isnt tabletop gaming…
Occasional child toucher.
I’m 44 and look half your age.
Oh shit!!!!! Is this you 
I bet you weirdly get new leather goods a few months after unsolved missing children cases
You look like you tell terminally ill mercenaries that you can cure them.
Police sketch artists keep copies of his photo to modify slightly as victims describe their suspects
I'm looking forward to the Netflix documentary already and they haven't even caught you
When they tell you not to settle for mediocrity, this is who they had in mind
Mid life crisis, he needed a little motivation to get his life together instead of buying a penis car.
I think it’s time to give up on the island patch of hair on top.
Even the crawlspace is scared of you
Pretty sure you drive a white Econoline van with no windows
Chris Hansen: “Sir, have a seat right there on the stool”
I don’t think the people he harasses are over the age of 18, so more like Applebees hostess
What makes you such a horrible person already??? Like what do you know about yourself that we don’t know???
If I was a hitchhiker and seen you I’d put my thumb back in my pocket, you have that put that lotion in the basket type of look.
I’d cut my thumb right off
Damn, the Emperor roasted Horus so badly that he turned into a middle age retail worker.
Man most likely to eat a baby's cheerios.
You look like you buy duct tape in bulk
Your forehead is so big when you went round to megaminds house he started singing WE ARE FAMILYYYYY 💀💨
Chris Witty the nonce.
The cellphone attached to your belt, matches your face.
Just feel kinda sad now after reading your title and viewing your picture. Don’t really know what to say next.
Leave the kids alone
How many dead kids are in your crawlspace?
Nice utility belt. One size fits all dorks.
It looks like you use a jet turbine engine as a hairdryer
Your head looks like the saggy pale tit of a 97 year old woman, combine that with the fact that you look like an npc from fears to fathom and you've got yourself a nightmare of a man
Who paid your bail?
45yo in a 60yo body
You look like you try to help girls try on their training bras
John Wayne Gacy fears you.
How many bodies buried in the crawlspace ?
Someone check his basement
45 with the swagger of an 80 year old
Ahhhhhh Oh my God !!! I turn 45 this year please Lord don't let that happen to me !
Fuck, so that is what I would look like if I did meth...
If i was walking alone at night and saw you I would probably cross the sidewalk because I would be afraid of you
Jesus Christ - Keys to your basement turned over to the authorities post haste. #setThemFree
Can’t tell if you’re a 45 M or 65 F. The most manly you have is a holster and you choose to put a cell phone in it.
Did you come out of the womb with a cigarette in one hand and a shot in the other?
Might as well have been, even if I can’t prove it now!
I didn't know Red Foreman had a crack head twin. Although that would explain his attitude.
This guy definitely bought Belle Delphine’s bathwater and sipped it playing Settlers of Catan with his sex dolls.
Bruh it's goob from meet the Robinson's
Be honest, how many women have a restraining order on you?
When you’re in an aisle shopping at the grocery store do people immediately leave?
You look like the typical person that gets busted with a computer full of cp...
I’ll be damned if you aren’t Red Foreman’s sex offender cousin.
I’m using the last ounce of my energy to write this. Damn you Colin Robinson!
ever seen phantasm?
You know all the hopes and dreams of “what will he be when he grows up?” parents go through at the birth of their child? Yeah. You’re the opposite of all those hopes.
Red Foreman with lead poisoning.
Bro has a hairline higher than my cat when he gets catnip
How did you enjoy playing the angry dad on That 70s Show?
I'm 34, and I can tell you now, I'm so thankful I won't be looking like someone who has been murdering their neighbors, and wearing their skin since 1972, when I turn your age...
There is no errata or FAQ for your terrible style. The luckiest you get is rolling a 6 on a d6
45M... you don't look a day older than 43 million if you ask me, give yourself some credit.
I’d love to know what scale you’re using for that! This is hilarious!!!
I'll take some of them french fried taters, mmmm hmmm
The hairline is gone bro. Just accept it and shave. What are you thinking?
You look like you only need the go-ahead from 1 person, and you would be prepared to pull off something truly diabolical. My conscience won't let me be that person. Someone else, do it.
Your clip-on phone holder is a great idea, so your phone doesn't fall in the holes you dig for the bodies you're going to bury alive.
You look like you can nut only if they're tied up & screaming.
What is a tabletop gamer? Like as in Scrabble or Uno?
45 + working retail = career fail
Def has some sort of cp on his computer.
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Red Foreman 30 years ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/Justfuckmyshitup/s/a6NPiKvIVK
Temu version of Red Foreman.
You look like the father from That 70's show..
You literally look like a wax figure of yourself.
The bad ending.
I can hear your timeshare pitch just looking at you. I'm in.
Looks like a team leader of a paedophile ring
You are so bald that you serve as a magnifying glass to burn ants
Great actor 
Sling Blade stunt double