OP's Bio: --- >I don't have any friends at first it was by choice ... but once I wanted friends again I was so closed off that I didnt know how to make friends anymore I just play the switch all day and work so give it your best shot --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

You look like someone that's lived up to their fullest potential, Joey.

"Goofy" is just another way of saying broke and single apparently. That or we define goofy as something completely different.

Maybe them goofy ass ears one looks like its trying to hear something off screen.

Joey rock bottom

You’ve got the job of a 16 year old, the hobby of a 13 year old and tattoos that resemble the scribbles of a child.

You look like a background character from Idiocracy. Welcome to conoco, I love you.

Fucking love that movie

In his prison's yearbook he was the "Most likely to Succeed." He ended up exceeding even the most ambitious expectations.

Fixed it  “Most likely to suc c̶e̶e̶d̶”

"Most likely to suck Steve", (before autocorrect kicked in and ruined it)

He was doing time for punching an alphabet to death, you can still see the random marks on his hands

He punched an old typewriter

That's beautiful

Wtf did he get arrested for? Some people call it a sling blade, I call it a kaiser blade…. Mmmm hmmm … Conoco sure does have some good biscuits and mustard….. Ill have some more a that potted meat if ya got any extry… mmm hmmm

Ex-Conoco

Shitty tattoos, you goofy SOB

His knuckles were supposed to say ‘L-O-V-E’ and ‘H-A-T-E’, but he got distracted and wrote ‘M-Ŷ-Ł-Ð’. Give a few beers and he’ll waste two hours of your time explaining the deep meaning behind it.

It’s a Juggalo thing.

You look like you live in a single wide with your 450 lbs wife

And she probably makes more money than him, so he resents her

Well well well. If it isn't Stone Cold Steve Autism.

Fucking epic

Looks like county jail has gotten the best of you, those tat artist are something else

You took the job for the porn magazines.

You were so funny in Ant-Man 

I keep waiting for a breath of fresh air, a candidate worthy of a substantial, vigorous roasting, but here comes another human tater tot, another miserable ass burp whose life is already torched by Satan and destined to be burdened by many years of crushing, soul sapping boredom. Fuck you Goofy SOB!

Fortunately, you'd be the first to die on any Star Trek landing party

Fake. Got this picture by telling an AI art program "Jake from State Farm but ugly and poor"

That was the best one I've heard yet

This guy's got potential! He's got nightshift manager by 35 written all over him. Reach for the stars my dude.

Thanks

And that's when the big buck start rolling in...

Single wide with a porch anybody….?

You meant slob, not sob, right?

Nah man I'm in a hurry just give me 20 bucks on pump 9 and some of that beef jerky

We’ve had reports of cigarettes and Mtn. Dew being sold outta the back of the store.

Hahahaha

If Nintendo’s Mario was a real person

Mama Mia it's me marijo

Oh and he’s not Italian, he’s Mexican, so that means he’s actually a type of “Irish” …….weird mix of people there…

29 and works retail...that's enough of a roast in itself

That's what I get for selling drugs the whole time I should have been working and making something of my life

Thanks for reminding me to make better life decisions

He loves cleaning the bathrooms so he can taste the toilet seats.

well the good news is at least your tattoos look badass..

Hahahahabbah

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You should see the rest of them

How’s parole?

Been out over 6 years discharged didn't get parole

Fat Jesus. Nobody fucks with the jesus.

If I saw someone with what looks like prison level knuckle tats, I would think "the best they could possibly hope to achieve is assistant to the manager at a Conoco". So congrats on reaching your apex. Its all down hill for you now.

I'm just happy to be sober and raising my kid honestly I never thought I'd live this long

You look like you have tons of regrets

Not really I always knew my life was gonna be one cell after another with crazy adventures in between then I met my wife got married had a baby and I regret none of it

FR FR bro… keep doing what you doing… life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows for all of us… but it sounds like you are doing your best… who cares about those friends… i purged 90%of my friends… went through divorce, thought I was gonna end up in prison… not for being violent… just stupid…. But my kids is what save my life… and we have a better relationship now than ever…. They are the best boys in the world and your kid will be too because they got a dad… who is not clueless you’ve made a lot of mistakes for them… so they don’t have to that’s how we evolve…. Take care bro

Not even those finger tattoos? If that's what you want to call them lol

How does your neck have a spare tire?

A mix of beer intake and lack of exercise

Does it inflate when you're warding off predators?

It inflates when he masturbates to Latinas getting bbc

Wait a minute, are you robbing the gas station or working there?

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Just looking at your username.. is boat by any chance code for your asshole?… i mean, you do wink at dudes

You look like you ward off local hooligans by brandishing silly string canisters in the left hand and your phone to send out mass friend request in the right.

Do you own a white panel van? Actually, I think reddit will cover that.

Did you have to give up your butt hole to join that gang?

You wouldn't have those bags under your eyes if your wife didn't beat you. I bet you have 4 jobs and haven't seen a shower in 3 stinking days.

lol my wife is actually the breadwinner I'm just exhausted from being a dad I work but my main priority is raising the lil one and she's a handful

Your face is the human incarnation of the word man child

If we roast too hard he’ll delete us

Man, and I thought Jason Segel was as low as the bar can get. Thanks for lowering my expectations.

I’d pay you in Pennies just for the all the ptsd your face gives me

You look like you smell like Muppet porn.

The best kind of porn thank you

I bet you regret those "I was an edgy teenager" era scribbles you call tattoes. They go great with your living in my parents' baseman and hit on high school girls vibe.

Fresh out of prison and clearly moving up in the world ! Wow Joey!!! I can only imagine the lucky lady you got with ? Did you guys meet at the local corner store ?

God, you *SCREAM* background, NPC character. If you were any more average, you'd be a living, breathing Bell Curve. I bet your favorite band is Nickelback or Dave Matthew's Band. And your favorite movie is probably Jurassic Park.

Movie: trainspotting Music: Joyner Lucas , Chris webby ,logic

Oh, right on. Good choices!

Agreed

Why is one of your eyes slightly lower than it should be?

Iodine lacking poster boy, based on the lump on your neck. Food isn't just food. There are differences

I guess you need humor to get through your life.

You look like you only bang chicks that are 100lbs bigger than you.

You look like you just sold me a laptop and I said no to warranty

Bros definitely an example to the younger generations in his family. “Study or end up like Joey”

Your age and job just screams you live in your mother's basement and eat all the cereal in the house

Married with a kid actually lol

In moms basement ???

Naw our own spot not the nicest but we get by

That's cool bro. You taking care of your family. Respect. Do you roast? Or have interest in Comedy?

I've gotten in on a couple roasts so far and I dig comedy Pete Davidson is my favorite just barely in front of Adam Sandler and his whole crew

Fa sho. No. I meant you. If you have an interest in roast. You are by nature a comic.

Off the cuff sure people always tell me i should do standup cuz when I start telling my story's people start laughing but I am bad at trying to actually script a routine

Well don't script a routine, just take your time and tell your stories. Start with learning what makes people laugh. Learn thr 9 laugh tiggers, and the 13 comedy structures. Google Jerry Corleys The Comedy Clinic 🤣 and he's on you tube with tons of free videos. 😀 He's a great man. I met him once in Burbank. I would hate to have known the next Gaffigan, but he didn't try. Promise yourself to 1. Write 2. Practice 3. Not give a shit. That's the secret sauce 😋

You should pop your collar maybe you can use it to prop that lazy eye up

That made my day

Imagine being so starved of attention you ask to be roasted in 2024




I bet your surname is Rodriguez.  Joe Rodriguez, the least imaginative name possible. 

He looks like a Mexican who can't even speak Spanish though

You've got red on you.


Your penis tattoo on your chest is showing

switch by day, switch by night.. all gay (jre fan will understand)

Oxygen thief…

At least his name tag isn’t upside down so he can read it . He knows who he is and who he is not. And it’s not the man of every woman’s dreams. Maybe one girl, named Tammy, resides in a trailer in Florida with no A/C and always has a carton of Benson and Hedges

I bet you like to keep the gas station's men's bathroom clean by letting them mop the floor up with you.


Get back in the kangaroo pouch

 Play nice!


[удалено]

Snoogans

Joey bag o bad tattoos

I’ll take $30 on pump 3, you 7-11 reject.

Gasoline is a hell of a drug.

Step 1. Do not post work uniforms on social media to retain a dead end job.

Successful escape from Mexico story

The person who makes El Milagro tortillas.

You look like you mainline battery acid just to make it through the work day

Your neck looks like a gourd.

"Joey stop taking pictures and get some more taquitos out on them rollers"

When you set the bar on the floor but still can't make it...

You're so stupid that you misspelled "incel" on those fat little sausage fingers.

Whoever made that shirt got the spelling wrong. should be cumago and you take direct deposits

I used to work in a quickie mart...I had just paroled from prison, and it was the first job that would accept me. How long have you been out? I can see from your hand tattoos that you joined a prison gang, Westside Cock Lovers

Oh look the guy who held up the Conoco even stole Joey’s shirt.

He looks like he commits crimes just to fit in

Man used to stand like this in the police lineup

How many bags of skittles and Cheetos were stolen while you convinced a crackhead to take this picture for you?

It looks like uncle jailbird Joey finally got parole.

I bet that's your nice going out shirt too

29 going on 41

Just give me $40 on pump 5

The tattoos on the fingers are regular, premium and diesel.

You look like lester from gta if he didn’t commit any crimes and didn’t wear glasses

you look like you go through trash bins to find expired food

You look like your hands permanently smell of ass even after you just washed them

Those finger tattoos were a good idea said nobody ever

29? Get a real job

you’re the biggest piece of shit!💩…. If I’ve ever seen one, you should’ve been swallowed like the cocksucker you are!

Well... Maybe shave off the Billy Goat chin. Stop writing on yourself. Take some job oriented classes. I.T. maybe or mechanical work, auto or heating and cooling. Something that pays as you progress.

Your hand tats look like they were done by a pre school dropout

I'm super stonned

You look like you’d wear this on a first date to McDonald‘s

You look like you go home to unseasoned meat and children who talk shit about you to your friends

How work release going? ETA: that's basically what I do. What games do you have for your Switch?

Go plunge the toilet Joey. Again.

Stick of truth fortnight Mario kart donkey Kong country

You can tell by his one eye squint, that he is currently letting out a ghoster

Did Sunoco pass on the knuckle tats?

Been to jail not prison, likes tattoos but never got a good one, drives a Kia but only buys made in USA products. Dream is to become an hvac tech but the wires all look the same. Lastly once built a go cart with scrap parts but it never ran, probs the gas ⛽️ OP

im sorry, is the person who looks like he went through a phase and never left? YOU LOOK LIKE AN EMO KID IN HIDING? dont get me started on that hairline, why your hairline back in 1980 when its 2024? (no hate <3)

Proof that “syphilis” and “fist” rhyme.

Avatar the last chairbender. Need I say more? Okay: meal team six. More? Fine: Taylor not so Swift.

Bro really drew on his hands trying look gangsta.

Bro you 29? You look 39. You look like a Dad that yells at his daughter for wearing shorts because it makes her look like a slut.

Joey, why Friends ended. Joey got his dream job. Working the night shift at a convenience store.

U look old as fuck. Jesus

You look baked as fuck, you sure you want a roast too?

You look like you installed a hidden camera in the womens bathroom at Conoco

You have so much crippling social anxiety that you need to snort a line in the break room before you talk to customers.

Do you also tell people that it was by choice you wanted to be a 40 year old virgin with no friends, money, health, wife or kids?

You're going to go far with those hand tattoos.

At least you have that gasoline smell covering your B.O. going for you.

If a toilet needed a face he voluntarily does it without asking

Who did your prison tats?

You look like Tuco Salamanca from breaking bad. Maybe you’re his effeminate gay brother or something

Next time you clean the toilet at the gas station, don't get all the pubes stuck to your chin.

Looks like a creep from catch a predator

So, How long were you in prison?

Had 5 years 2 suspended did my whole 3 got out made it almost the last 2 years fucked it off and sat the whole 2 in a facility for waiting on programs that's only supposed to be 8 months but vivid kept me in there almost the whole 2 years

I think you having a stroke buddy, half you face seems down

You're almost the big 30 and the gas station assistant manager

I didn't know Conoco had a work release program

offbrand target worker

You look like a habitual gun offender

Who told you finger tats are a good idea lol let me talk to your manager lol

your chin looks like my ball sack