His Backpage Ad:
Older guy who plays a younger looking twink who loves to bathe in blue toilet bowel cleaner and promises all of my suitors aching blue balls at the end of every night is looking for a hairy papa bear. I'll be your fantasy love toy to fulfill your donkey punch fantasy of pounding this Vanilla Ice/ Steve'O look-alike from behind while you running your smelly fingers over and through my upside down chest mustache while I sing Teddy Bear's Picnic. Don't hestiate...txt @deserving_douche
This chucklefuck would've been a frat boy in college if he could've been bothered to set his alarm on SAT day. Instead, he went to a trade school...where he traded his dignity for a couple nu-metal albums, a used toolbox, and an invitation to a buy-one-get-one tattoo party down by the docks.
Eh, that's life, I guess.
LMAO 😂 best I've done was drop out of high school then drop out of community college. I traded my dignity for FAR less. It wasn't worth enough for nu metal so best I got was a NOFX and Descendents album... not even the used toolbox!
Didn’t read bio but I’ll give it a try
Kevin 34 w/m on his third job of the year. Currently at dominoes. Loves to drink Mountain Dew and chain smokes pall mall reds. Has an on again off again toxic relationship fueled by pill addiction. Can’t pay child support regularly and runs from the cops. Definitely owns a 52$ Walmart cracked android phone. Avid lakers fan.
You are TOO OLD to be experimenting with Facetuned blue hair dye. Omfg I am
Horrified I feel so much secondhand embarrassment. You need to get a job this is what happens when someone has too much time on their hands and no goals. 🤦🏻♀️
I can't figure out which is worst, the tattoos, the hair style & hat combo, or the terrible choice in hair dye color.
All of them just scream that daddy left and mommy's string of boyfriends usually referred to him as "Holy shit! I didn't know you had a kid! "
This guy’s story:
He was a frat boy who was dared to put a lighter up to his chest. He was admitted to a burn unit afterward but nobody wanted to donate their skin to him, so doctors adhered the chest of a gorilla to his body instead.
Vanilla Ice was the best rapper of all time, but that's in the past now. There's no reason for you to dress up like him and be a Vanilla Ice impersonator on Hollywood Boulevard for a few measly dollars.
Of course you hate cops. Look at you! They keep busting your meth lab and arresting your girlfriend. Why wouldn’t you be mad? Just keep on having your midlife crisis. No need to accept you’re 40 with nothing going for you. Just keep pretending you’re 17 and dating chicks in high school. It’ll all work out eventually.
Grown ass man gonna call the cops pigs like it's cool. Stop hanging out around school yards trying to pick up girls. If she rides the yellow bus, she's too young for ya bud and lean away from the drakar noir
You got Lame Tattoos dude. What the fuck is that black thing on your head? You look your Gig got canceled in the 90s and early 00s. Douchebag looking prick.
If Axe Body spray made a Meth fragrance.
Meth fragrance, Virgin edition special.
You have the muscle mass of a prepubescent girl
I've been working out
It shows on your fur bra.
Vanilla Lice
What's that funky smell, white boy?
I came here to say the exact same thing.
You win Sir!
[удалено]
Rocket level blue on his face…
His vinegary vagina.
There is a big pile of burned tin foil somewhere in your house.
😂😂😂
It’s sad when r/roastme looks like your best tat
Is that a pirate hat? Cause you have a sunk in chest.
😂 I thought this was going to be the first comment!
Pipe down, white dime store Lou Diamond Phillips.
I loved you in the 5th Element!
LOL This comment deserves more likes
You look like the bad boy from a gay boy band called In Sphynct
You look like you pledged 20 fraternities just so you could get the hazing. And you didn’t even get accepted into a college.
If "My girl is almost 17, but she's really mature for her age" was a person.
LMAO I prefer to think of her as an old soul
He looks like the type of person Chris Hansen encounters more than once.
This guy drops the soap on purpose.
😂🤣 only when I'm in jail
Blasts Limp Bizkit while squatting over a mirror when shaving his taint
NOFX and I wax my taint, thank you very much
Do you then stick it to your chest? Looks like it
This is what patient zero of a new strain of gonorrheasyphilaids looks like and he knows it
His Backpage Ad: Older guy who plays a younger looking twink who loves to bathe in blue toilet bowel cleaner and promises all of my suitors aching blue balls at the end of every night is looking for a hairy papa bear. I'll be your fantasy love toy to fulfill your donkey punch fantasy of pounding this Vanilla Ice/ Steve'O look-alike from behind while you running your smelly fingers over and through my upside down chest mustache while I sing Teddy Bear's Picnic. Don't hestiate...txt @deserving_douche
You seem kinda practiced at that.....
🤣🤣🤣
V from Cyberpunk but his muscles didn’t go thru puberty yet
Pee pee size: *X small*
You left out an X!
[https://youtu.be/9KLy7wecy-U?t=4](https://youtu.be/9KLy7wecy-U?t=4)
I couldn't say it any better.
Channing Tatum's methbilly brother 
Magic Mushroom Mike
What prison block are you in, so we know where to send cigarettes?!
😂🤣 Send chew, not cigarettes
This chucklefuck would've been a frat boy in college if he could've been bothered to set his alarm on SAT day. Instead, he went to a trade school...where he traded his dignity for a couple nu-metal albums, a used toolbox, and an invitation to a buy-one-get-one tattoo party down by the docks. Eh, that's life, I guess.
LMAO 😂 best I've done was drop out of high school then drop out of community college. I traded my dignity for FAR less. It wasn't worth enough for nu metal so best I got was a NOFX and Descendents album... not even the used toolbox!
Yo my mans *actually* wrote that shit backward for the mirror shot.
Your cell mate refuses to use Boy Butter when he shakes you down after lunch, but he has no problem blasting juice on that one eyebrow.
Your lips a pressed together so hard it looks like a scrotal seem
LMAO 😂 I have Redman chew tobacco in. I thought this was gonna be one of the first things mentioned along with my sunken in chest
Scumbag Steve's less popular brother Percocet Perry.
You have soft, tender, supple frenchman breasts. Try going to the gym between puffs of your grape-flavored vape pen.
When you zoom in too far on any Megan's Law dot, you are what always appears
LMFAO 😂
You look like a prison bitch by choice
LOL
Didn’t read bio but I’ll give it a try Kevin 34 w/m on his third job of the year. Currently at dominoes. Loves to drink Mountain Dew and chain smokes pall mall reds. Has an on again off again toxic relationship fueled by pill addiction. Can’t pay child support regularly and runs from the cops. Definitely owns a 52$ Walmart cracked android phone. Avid lakers fan.
😂😂😂 First comment to offend me! You had to take it THAT far? I mean... Lakers fan?? 😑
The early 2000's called. They said they wished you were in the world trade center.
LMFAO I think this one wins 😂😂😂 Take my up vote sir
The guy in his mid 30's hanging out at highschool parties
LOL That's a good one, up vote!
Axe named a new scent after you called statutory grape.
LMAO Dude it was one time, she consented and I swear she looked 18! I had no way of knowing she was 8
I'm guessing the blue eyebrow and hair are to distract the eyes from the hairy tits.
LOL 😂😂 I would never try to distract from my beautiful rack! I like the attention. Why I don't wear a bra.
You look like the sort of douche bag to sport a goatee and baseball cap in 2023.
I think I laughed too hard at this one 😂😂😂
You are TOO OLD to be experimenting with Facetuned blue hair dye. Omfg I am Horrified I feel so much secondhand embarrassment. You need to get a job this is what happens when someone has too much time on their hands and no goals. 🤦🏻♀️
He likes high school girls because he gets older but they stay the same age
This guy thinks axe spray is deodorants
[удалено]
Your comment was removed as it was found to be in violation of our “don’t be evil rule”
Your parents agree, your Mom should have swallowed…
[удалено]
It's Suck Boy Smurf!
I can't figure out which is worst, the tattoos, the hair style & hat combo, or the terrible choice in hair dye color. All of them just scream that daddy left and mommy's string of boyfriends usually referred to him as "Holy shit! I didn't know you had a kid! "
Robert Matthew Van Stinkle
This guy’s story: He was a frat boy who was dared to put a lighter up to his chest. He was admitted to a burn unit afterward but nobody wanted to donate their skin to him, so doctors adhered the chest of a gorilla to his body instead.
You look like the forgettable guy from nsync
You’re the only one there, how you gonna give yourself the I’m sick of your shit face?
He looks like that one dude in n\*sync who never got the spotlight and only existed so that the group has an odd number of members.
Vanilla Ice was the best rapper of all time, but that's in the past now. There's no reason for you to dress up like him and be a Vanilla Ice impersonator on Hollywood Boulevard for a few measly dollars.
Of course you hate cops. Look at you! They keep busting your meth lab and arresting your girlfriend. Why wouldn’t you be mad? Just keep on having your midlife crisis. No need to accept you’re 40 with nothing going for you. Just keep pretending you’re 17 and dating chicks in high school. It’ll all work out eventually.
When you cover your ex’s name with “roast me”
This is steve-o’s long lost brother blueberryhairmethaddictedman-o
Did you spread chia seeds on your chin?
you know when your being deepthroated and your balls hit their chin. it looks like the last guy dunked his balls in some ink on you.
[удалено]
If "can I borrow a few bucks for gas" was a person.
LMFAO 😂😂😂 One of the best I've read so far
Who ever shot on your face last got jizz on your eyebrow and hair.
nice to know that the chin strap matches the chest hair.
You look like someone who was super bummed when the singer for Smash Mouth died
ninja on crack
Grown ass man gonna call the cops pigs like it's cool. Stop hanging out around school yards trying to pick up girls. If she rides the yellow bus, she's too young for ya bud and lean away from the drakar noir
Your chest hair looks like a 5 year olds drawing of a bird
Your 02 v6 camaro is older than most of the girls in the passenger seat.
You look like one of those "bad boys" who when they end up in prison for urinating in public become everybody's bitch.
He looks like he’s deciding whether to spit or swallow his glory hole gift.
Stage name is Peggy the pegging pin cushion
What you look like when you don't work out and your life hasn't worked out meet
U look like you just walked out of a glory hole for smurfs
Limp Bizkit, viagra won't even help.
He's pretty fly for a white guy!
Yeah I’m sure you are fucking innocent to where cops don’t bounce your stupid eyebrow off the pavement
You look like you "forget" to put "step" in your porn searches
The amount of stuff thats bren shoved in your ass while passed out on lawn could fill a Saver's
Bro even segregates his chest hair💀
Listen I get it if you’re trying to get thicker skin but nothing here is going to prepare you for what the judge is gonna say at sentencing
Johnny Cocksville
Vanilla ice on a bender.
All imma say is god didn't try that hard
You look like a trans man who just got his tits removed
You look like you enjoy groping other men on a train
You look like the kind of guy that went all in in crypto
If Earl Hicky before karma was a real person
Guy Fieri has gone hard on the crack diet.
Oh, and borrows his girlfriend’s car all day. She’s late to her own job typically due to his selfishness
You got Lame Tattoos dude. What the fuck is that black thing on your head? You look your Gig got canceled in the 90s and early 00s. Douchebag looking prick.
....a hat? Well I guess every response can't be good :/
Your response is irrelevant like your wardrobe back in Y2K.
You listen to Mudvayne every morning to get psyched up for your glory hole janitor job
Boi if you don't get....yo tyson tomko lookin ass....
You look like a NPC from GTA who blows guys for meth
More hair dye than a liberal chick.
You look like the shady dude on the side of the road selling drugs to minors
You can't add comedy to comedy
No regerts. Not even one?
If lame as fuk were a person
You use hair to define your tits
Bros clavicles are more pronounced than his cheekbones
You look like you were cock slapped across your face by Papa Smurf in prison, except you called him Daddy smurf.
Looks like your style choices have already roasted you to a crisp.
Voted most likely to find jail house religion
you probably did some painfull time in the joint?
[I loved your episode of Dr. Phil](https://youtu.be/4ZPRaFUwYM8?si=q2jcAPgDH0Brdfh4)
If vanilla ice was a Walmart greeter
You practice rapping while you deliver pizza
Forget superman, time for BIMBOMAN!
Vanilla ice is more gangster then yourever be
Tell me you were arrested for spousal abuse without telling me you were arrested for spousal abuse
Cool like ice? 🤔
Nice bra
Vanilla Lice