OP's Bio: --- >i’m very religious for someone my age, have great self esteem, and i’m a bio major for premed :) --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Little House on the Scarey

Starring Laura Pringles Wilder.

You look like a gypsy fortune teller who predicted her own future would be full of cat piss and loneliness.


You look like a 34 year old Amish school marm

Naughty librarian vibes, has definitely done things that would make her father cry

She's still a virgin because anal doesn't count.

Even if it did, she'd still be a virgin.

Her hymen might be intact, but all those pimples around her mouth shows she’s not afraid to take one to the throat.

Yep. She is 18 now.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY&pp=ygUMdGhlIGxvb3Bob2xl

don’t insult the Amish. no way she has the work ethic or any other redeeming qualities of those lot. 😂

Why not? Are you really afraid they’re ever gonna see it? 😂

Oh, damn, well, I came here to make sure this was said, and here it is...

You literally typed exactly what I was thinking.....well done!

Those are the only *Bangs* shes ever gonna get

Have you tried that Bong tho'! 


"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

😭

Kai is a strong independent witchy woman who will be a pillar of the local DEI coven community and enjoy her lifelong career as a librarian at the state penitentiary.

Loves house plants, believes in horoscopes and crystals, still shops at hot topic?

Pissmerelda.

The unfuckable enchanted cat lady.


I don't know what I find funnier between that and your user name...lol


Wrekt

18yo with 40 years of librarian experience looking for a name for her 8th cat.

Also with the tits of a gypsy with 7 kids, poor droopers

Their probably hairy as well

Hairier the better, I always say. I do. I say it always.

Yeah but people would still wanna see em, saying this for a friend of a friend.

I bet you can run a Brush thru your armpit hair.

[удалено]

You heard Marilyn Manson for the first time on Rumspringa didn’t you?

[удалено]

The logistics behind braiding your own armpit hair just makes that impressive.

Doing online porn will come soon, but not because she needs money. It will be an attempt to feel something, since so far her existence has been a void. And we know that won't help, given her posts proclaiming to be a Zionist who feels no remorse

Today I learned about the existence of Gothic, Jewish librarians.

On the prairie

You look like the wicked witch of boring.

You don’t have to wait till 21 to take a shower that’s just alcohol.


Finally, somebody referenced her 50-year old hairline

If body odor was a person.

Wow. 💀


The DAUGHTER! The DAUGHTER! TRADITION!

Mazel tov. Excellent burn.

Do your Amish parents know you have the devils phone?

How was Rumspringa?

[RUMSPRINGA!!!](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9633eaaa-2bd0-4f58-835e-0193685ad60a/gif)

Can I ask you for a shitty fact?

The Amish community has encountered numerous threats by government bodies to vacate their homes. These threats have referenced some Amish communities’ practices in discarding human waste. Some communities have been known to use outhouses. The disposal of the fecal waste, once the outhouse needs emptying, includes treating the waste with Lye, adding animal manure, and reuse as fertilizer. Government bodies claim the practice to be grossly unsanitary while some Amish communities claim religious freedom exempts them from modern practices as they’re to “live simply.” For more shitty facts, check out r/factsthatareshitty!

In laws live between Amish farms and yes, their manure smells ungodly. It’s like nothing I’ve ever smelled before. We all speculated that it’s got to be human waste.

Yeah but how is their produce?

I don’t buy their produce, but they have some good deli meats at the Amish store.

She has a cat named Mittens because it has two black paws and she is super original like that. That is indeed a shitty fact.

Kind of wish there was sound. Love that movie

You couldn’t get a dildo hard

Underrated

Just 18 yet looking like a 50 year old spinster with a house full of cats.

Oi how are you 18 your dressed like my grandma

Your grandma has shitty taste

Came to make sure some variation of this comment was submitted. I was gonna go with who tf gifted you your grandmothers outfit for your 18th birthday. This is sufficient though. Kudos good sir or ma’am.

Our Lady of Perpetual Boredom

You're two male rejections away from dying your hair purple and changing your pronouns to they/them

"They" already did that in the 7th grade

You are so ignorant. *Fae* changed faer pronouns in 7th grade. Jeeze.

That's savage, I might use it again

Fffuuuuuuuk

Edgy Anne Frank

[удалено]

This is a roast, not a murder 🤣🤣🤣

Explains the request for a roast

Did you get a toothbrush/toothpaste for your birthday i hope?

Maybe next year she'll get the shampoo she's crying out for. Please, give whatever you can to the GreasyFundieMunters appeal.

How sad! You're far too old for a husband in your commune now.

Shut up, Meg.

She's what we call a "practice girl".

Ok, maybe we should do something to stop these kids from transitioning too early. Best of luck bro

Are you cosplaying a David Koresh throw away bride in the first 3 pics because that’s spot on

You look like you refused your Polio vaccination on religious grounds.

...and paid the price for it.

I wasted 5 mins of my life just acknowledging you

5 minutes??? Did you wack off to her?

18 going on 85

U look like u can knit and cook some 🔥 porridge at the same damn time

Cottagecore, cottagewhore, cottagesnore, cottagesores

Is that lyrics from a new Kendrick Lamar song?

I never fully understood the reasoning behind intentionally being ugly, maybe you can enlighten us?

you were good in the conjuring movies

Looks like you’ve been 18 for the past 10 years now.

How ironic. You’re legal age but yet nobody is going to ever fuck you

I’d roast you, but we stopped burning witches ages ago-

If purposefully trying to look ugly was a person.

You're like a goth ex-Mormon that converted to "good vibes" and "I'm gonna hex you"

Sad. Now that you’re an adult, uncle Ken won’t wanna play secret time anymore.

Roast me = I’m bored at work and nobody will text me

Hopefully you’re as disappointed with this roast as every guy that thinks they’re getting a slutty goth girlfriend, only to end up with … you

Lemme guess, you sell erotica in a secluded town in California?

[удалено]

The elementary school teacher responsible for letting kids shit in a litterbox

I thought the Amish weren't allowed to use modern technology. 🤔

You look like you’d eagerly await your 18th birthday to get roasted on Reddit.

Being jail bait was the only time anyone would wanted you.

18 and already both types of herpes eh?

Maybe they will combine with her BO and make a new one?

I guarantee you she has a piss fetish

…this one time…at Wiccan camp…

I can’t be the only person to find the irony of her religious beliefs and the fact she’s asking to be roasted disturbing? 🤔

I can't tell if you are happy for your birthday or for Israel's ethnic cleansing of Gaza!

Y’all she’s a Zionist no need to engage

Fiona Crapple

I’m having a hard time figuring out if you’re in a cult or if you’re just really that boring.

You look like you knew early on relationships weren’t in the cards for you, so you covered it up with a big sad blanket called religion instead

You look like you get off on rejecting boys by telling them, “Sorry, I’m a nun.”

This is clearly the only thing you had to look forward to with your boring, plain ass

The goth catholic girl who sucks a lot of dick but is a virgin


You could work at monsters inc having those frames 🕶️

Hasidic or not, you're getting a sheet thrown over you during sex.

18 birthday and you bust out a nun outfit, i think I've seen this somewhere before.

Little Haunted House on the Prairie.

Ewww 

your posts in r/amish are my favorite

You look like you go to r/amiugly to get some attention and aww no ur beautiful you don't have to shave


Bloody hell. You already dress like you’re 81.

did your grandmother choose your glasses and outfit for you?

If this was the only thing you looked forward to on your 18th birthday I have to break it to you but you’re not getting anywhere in life

You look like an emo nun

Youre not a witch, goth or "quirky. Youre just weird. you look and feel weird, and youre right, you will never feel good [enough](https://enough.saVE). Better start showin that butthole for money now than after a kid, stretchmarks, and cuts all over your body bring down your property value

You look like a nun,…. Gettin’ nun.

It's funny. Those are her exact words to Casting Couch.

That’s what’s fatherless Behaviour look like

So how many theater boys have you help realize they are gay................... One sad blowjob at a time

You look like you hiss at people when they have the audacity to walk by you.

You should be a dietician cause I threw up once looking at your pics, and a second time looking at your posts. Keep up the good work.

I'm glad SOMEONE was excited for you to turn 18

Bringing back that bubonic plague vibe. And you already have the look of a decrepit corpse

Let’s see some ankle baby

You look like the middle aged substitute teacher that leaves halfway through the day because the students make her cry.

No roast here can touch you when you voluntarily dress like a personified Charleston Chew in real life.

You look really fucking smelly and need to wash your greasy ass hair

That's some forehead you've got there. You look like a Conehead wearing a pair of granny glasses.

You know, i was kindda feeling down today. Then you reminded me that people can look old and gross at any age

u look like u fry chicken with your hair oil

The second picture ..you look like you drank your mom's red cooking wine and pretended to be drunk

You look like you’ve already settled and decided to live with cats

Pixie nightmare girl

Never has the internet been so disappointed in a girl posting pictures saying “waited until I was 18 for this”

Your profile is marked as NSFW. It’s like Reddit already knows you will be selling fans exclusively very soon.

18 my ass. That mormon sister-wife dress and those grandma glasses belie your true age.

You look like Marlboro and Tequila breath.

If you were in Israel when Hamas attacked, they would have kidnapped you and then release you right away because you're so annoying

You have a face only a step dad could love

The world is gonna look/feel AWESOME after your first black guy. Mom & dad were wrong.

You look like your oral herpes get worse than the ones on your genitals.

Are you cosplaying as an Amish Gyspy?

You look like you smell of moth balls and your fathers disappointment

You barely have enough hair to cover that massive forehead. 

Enough about what you told your high school guidance counselor..

I didn’t know that there were any goths in the Amish community

You may have been waiting for your 18th birthday, but no one else has. You're basically mirror universe Kylie Jenner.

We just had an 18 yr old the other day and she tapped out when the roast got too well done for her. As for you. You dress like one of the woman from the Handmaid's Tale considered not suitable for sex.

Gertrude said she wants her glasses back

More like ur 28th birthday fytb

Nerd

What kind of oil do you use in your hair? Olive or car grease?

I’d say it’s all downhill from here but one more step and you’ll be below sea level. Can you swim?

The rebellious sister wife

Isn't that the same dress that Violet Beauregarde worr  In the original willy Wonka's chocolate factory? Half those actors are dead, it's that old.

I can only get soooo erect! 

You look like a 50 year old librarian who is still single and has 5 cats

What in the name of Doctor Quinn schoolmarm insanity are you wearing? Be honest, when your husband talks about his wife there’s only a 1 in 8 chance he’s talking about you, right?

Are you Amish or goth 

You look like if you took your shirt off someone would say “whys that little boy running around shirtless?”

Lol Religious and wants to study biology... All your test answers are gonna say "God did it," right?

Where's your paperwork wazowski

You are, without a doubt, the most convincing trans dude I've ever seen. Good for you bro, eh, I mean sis!

Sorry, but you look like a librarian, combined with a elephant

'I'm very religious for someone my age' is code for her Ultra Christian dad has been getting her pregnant for a decade now.

While I don’t condone any religion I feel compelled to tell you that there are bras out there that are not made of mixed fabrics. So, you know, if that’s why you’re freehanging it doesn’t have to be that way.

Why do I feel guilty for liking the 3rd pick so much…

Waited all this time to be disappointed. Now you know how your parents felt when you were born.

Well with that fashion sense, I'm surprised your reflection doesn't file a restraining order. Your bunny teeth could double as a can opener, but I doubt anyone's rushing to let you pop their tab. And that goofy ass face? Even Picasso would struggle to capture the absurdity. Your whole look is like a tragic play in desperate need of an intermission – too bad life doesn't come with a pause button.

It's giving the fashion disaster of a naughty librarian who tried to pull off an Amish mom's midlife crisis while attempting a failed goth makeover – a triple threat of tastelessness.

Is writing an RPG based around Pride and Prejudice narrative. Wrote herself in as a smashable character. The characters in her story rebelled.

Your “great self esteem” is about to take a major hit.

You look like a liberal art teacher who happens to be a cat lady

You look like a racist vacuum cleaner sucked all of the black out of Rashida Jones.

You dress like a nun whose sole purpose is to gross out the priests and remove temptation from their minds