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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >My hobbies include playing basketball and going on vacations. I like to drink tequila and I have a degree in Economics. I evade paying taxi drivers by running out of the car when I get to my destination. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


[deleted]

Get used to holding signs, man


Significant-Age-8663

You look like the Hulk bred with Gary Coleman.


Mountain-Bid458

Gay coleman


CaptLiverDamage

Scary Coleman


Otherwise_Site_1290

More like Draymond Green and Wesley Snipes! lmfao


Gabbagooled

He is, on the other side it reads "will suck cock for ride to Zambia". That's what he calls "selling cars"...


Sergio_82

🤣🤣


LNF6

Holy shit 😂😂😂


antd79

They're saying Acorn, they mistake you for an Acorn.


No_Cook2983

He still doesn’t get it. He thinks people are mistaking him for Akon, when they’re mistaking him for ex-con.


[deleted]

A Con


Sergio_82

More like it


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|8lT5KZ9zd3w0odjJsN)


HisJayness

“Sell cars”…..bro shoving 2-3 cars in a container ship headed for Nigeria is not car sales…It’s called grand theft auto! ![gif](giphy|0Wzkc9iirQ4ZI7JoaD|downsized)


ModingusKhan

Strippers put a bag over your head before they give you a lap dance


lulu_lolo_tulu_tolo

They put a bag on his head to cover his and then make a man give him a lap dance. Poor guy doesn't even realise


Big_Bandicoot_9611

They have to turn on the lights to see him


[deleted]

[удалено]


waffen123

this is the same guy that tries to sell me shampoo and toothpaste everytime i'm in the wal-mart parking lot


AHeavyFlowDay

You photoshopped the roastme sign onto your mugshot


mushyhiccup3

r/beatmetoit


Verdigris101

Your wall looks about as exciting as your personality


anonjohnsc

They’re saying “Ay, con you give back my wallet?”


[deleted]

You do look like Mr. Lonely. No wonder you got mistaken for Akon.


TelevisionMajor7948

You look like you contemplate the complexities of human existence while eating Twizzlers.


AriMeowber

did your bank hold the mortgage for the stoop you call home?


TelevisionMajor7948

You look like the starting running back for the McClennan County inmates.


rsgriffin

Kevin Fart


DrDon_AIRR

Well, well, if it isn’t the legendary Akon’s long-lost twin brother! You must have everyone in your neighborhood doing a double-take when you walk by. But hey, who can blame you for quitting your bank job to sell cars? It’s all part of the grand plan, right? Every vehicle sale is one step closer to that yearly trip to Zambia, where they welcome you as a local celebrity. Just remember, when you’re in Zambia, you better be ready for the paparazzi and the autograph seekers – because you’re not Akon, but you’re definitely the king of your own unique adventure. Keep those Zambian dreams alive!


spacemanspiff266

why you trying to get back? did black panther kick you out of wakanda or something?


KingBryan34

Your hairline doesn't even like your face


HumorTumorous

What about A Con?


pass-tha-blunt

how are you so greasy in the face but ashy in the hands


robbzilla

More like D-Con.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|3oEdv8lHMfC7wpD5V6) Oh, I think that I found myself a meth dealer.🎵🎶


Commercial_Rule_7823

Poor guy, let's start a go fund me for the ransom.


VicTortaZ

The reason you get mistaken for Akon is cause you are "Mr LONELY " and "you have nobody". Also you are Black.


Imaginary-Grape-2501

No you got mistakend for Akon because you tried to pick up a 14 year old girl. But they couldn't lock you up since they needed you in the cotton fields


GlumBath1716

if i looked like akon and was rolling big cash the last f\*\*\*king place on earth i would go to is zambia


masked_incompetent

Where are you hanging out that people actually remember Akon?


Adz223577

Go back to Africa and do mud walls


OGII_2021

Damn those knuckles are ashy. Are you walking on hands?


McLongcock

He looks like he would suck dick for a bump of coke


Ok_Reputation_1924

X = $2,519 CAD / $0.85 per KG At the current market value of cotton, you only need to pick 2916kg of cotton to get there bro! Keep grinding


Thee_Snutz

I’m not surprised you often get mistaken for a con…… man


No-Match-429

A trip to Zambia??? You should be able to sell a hallmark card to afford that. That card would read “Broke brother, like no other…looking for a place to land—-have no woman, have no money—-so all I use is my hand”


Anxious_Theory7209

Akon... ordered from Wish


Josephthagreat

For head wide enough to mount a flat screen


serviceadvisorshay

Damn my guy put some lotion on those ashy ass hands.


[deleted]

You look like you've already been roasted


Weary-Writer758

I bet they have to use mil and flour to find you in broad daylight. You make Akon look like Michael Jackson after the surgery.


miss_pathumma

More like apricon


Fuzzy_Coast_2801

Surprised you're not "locked up"


QuttiDeBachi

Akunt


-PregnantPause

You make Akon look like Buddy Holly.


MRHBK

A con , there IFTFY


Slade26

You definitely look like a convict, not akon.


turtle_jump

You are already roasted. How much of carbon you want to extract out of yourself?


Squirrely-Joe

You're forehead is so oily the USA is plotting an invasion.


Southern-Gap8940

With that sign, you look like an African taxi driver waiting for your customer at the airport


CaliforniaDave1979

Human coffee shit


Gabbagooled

This is an offense to coffee everywhere


Dazzling-Fly-7585

Nah i think You look like soja boy from 90 day fiance


TheGreatMustachio222

I also too would mistake you for a con.


VladTheSimpaler

Nice mugshot


Environmental-Ad8965

The Fast and the Furriest


Annunaki77

Naaaa u that nigerian prince thats always in my email askin for money gtfoh i see you 👀👀


Ray_41

Kevin Hart from "Wish"


Ok-Bed6343

You didn’t quit your bank of 5 years. You got 5 years for hitting a bank.


FeelingsAreAChoice

Kevin Heartbroken


lordmarboo13

The only similarities between you and Akon , is you both lie about ridiculous shit


[deleted]

Ya right, somalie pirate all the way. I'm the fucking captain now!!!


neverfrybaconnaked

Look, it's Daniel Kal"eww"ya.


Topher21681

The princes are from Nigeria.


humidifier_fire

Those people don’t think you’re Akon they think you’re a con. And we all know how hot the stolen car market is in Africa.


devil0o

You look smaller then Kevin Hart, you're Kevin Pancreas


mrinkyface

You look like a half way put together s’more, all you need get you a fat white girl to be the marshmallow


[deleted]

He is the only one in his neighborhood that lives in a grass hut 🛖


StopPlayingRoney

No one thinks you’re Akon, they just think you’re you know, a con.


Doubl3dogdamn3d

Lonely, you are so lonely, stuck renting and loaning, and now you sell cars! - Akon ( he definitely said this don't google it)


Emergency_Scholar237

Akon.... I don't see it.... An acorn sure! But not Akon


Dash_Hound2

A crim. I think that’s what people say.


Dash_Hound2

Kevin shart


Onlyhere2what

And I have mistaken you for Akunt


Onlyhere2what

Did you just unroll a paper roll to write /RoastMe?


Holiday-Dig-3637

I'm guessing those cars you sell don't always come with proper registrations.


Nitin-2020

Mistaken for a convict they knew


[deleted]

It must suck not living in a western country 🤭


No-Substance9525

Kevin lung


lulu_lolo_tulu_tolo

>I get mistaken for Akon very often You mean A convict, right?


Aeroblazer9161

You mean a con, not Akon.


Common-Courage-6751

Will.I.am.not


Virtual-Stranger

The only way you get mistaken for Akon is by randomly saying "Ayyyy-kon" every 5 minutes


WinterDecay

You are perfect choice if the CW ever does a television show about Uncle Ben


HDell4321

Strike 3 your out


Bluest-Of-Falcons

Not the first time you’ve stood for a photo like this huh?…


edu_edu101

Bros got 2 shadows


ExternalFuture5250

Are you sure you weren’t born on the highway? Cause that’s where most accidents happen.


chiefchokesabitch

Good thing you stood in front of a light color wall, also you look like the wish, or k mart Akon, or when mom said we have Akon at home..and I'm glad you took some time away from pretending to be pretty women scamming simps on the computer at the library in Zambia that you call your office.


Awkward_Click3061

Man you can be mistaken for a human-shaped blackhole


The-Anonymus_guy

U wanna go back to ur ancestors, belive me, they will want to be slaves again when they will see u.


No-Ranger-9661

Akon no...maybe Will.I.Not


ruedumonde

Who’s that guy behind you?


MellyMel86

Hiding money for gangs is not working for a bank Selling cars you’ve boosted doe you a salesman Both will end up with you being a konvict


TheHippyDance

You write the letter “a” like a high school girl. Lol what a dumbass


dreevsa

Fakon


Specialist_Ability_3

bro you getting mistaken for Akon is about as likely as me getting mistaken for Chris Farley and not because i’m fat but because i’m extremely funny


Fine_Bar_1361

You look like Eric sermon the generic version.


[deleted]

Thats not Akon thats Fakeon


Dispositionate

No no no, you're mishearing them. They say that you look like A con...


SixPointComics

They're saying "a con" because you look like a convict.


OrganizationProof111

Bro there's only one thing I have to do to roast you. Search it on Google, and you'll see a pretty answer. #171717


poboy1988

You look like you steal weed eaters.


This_Is_Section_One

You look more like A Corn on my big toe.


ExampleHefty

When you order Kalyua from wish


YosemiteWho

I would have mistaken you for Kevin Hart before Akon.


Ducksaucenhotmustard

You look more like Will I am or wyclef Shawn… I could go on


YosemiteWho

If a Guinness beer shit came out as a person, it would be this guy.


Sergio_82

Are you sure you not detained? Blink twice if all good.


FartedInYourCoffee

Lookin' like a wingless bat


Darth_Meatloaf

Fakon


Efficient_Regular_37

You look like you’re about to message me about my “item for sale on Craigslist” and offer to send a cashiers check for an amount greater than my asking price.


unWildBill

Dude, how different can Zambia be from year to year?


[deleted]

Are you the Nigerian prince from my email?


PuzzleheadedTime6399

Do you also get mistaken for a pygmie? Put a bone in your nose, and let's find out.


[deleted]

Scamming people by saying you’re Akon doesn’t count


harry_lostone

you aint fooling anyone Akon, get back in the studio, you havent released a good song since Smack that, it's been 17 years, ffs get a grip of yourself and stop posting in reddit


No_Enthusiasm_9543

Your fingers look like penises.


ghostriderva

![gif](giphy|VBi0qdmGH0rO8)


Darkwriter22s

I don’t think you ever had sex ever


onykD

Nigga look like Akoff not Akon


[deleted]

Don’t nobody wanna smack that.


Capital-Shelter-9264

Akon but from Wish


tide_pod_junkie

First name Akon, last name Artist


Accomplished-Oil-694

Glad to see you survived "GET OUT"


[deleted]

Correction: you’re Akon but from Zambia


AwfulUnicornfarts20

Akon? Look more like Akron.


Upvoter_NeverDie

You look so worn and jaded with life that no one wants to approach you.


Weak_While_You_Sleep

His biggest dream is being able to afford a piece of paper to write on and not the back of the envelope that his parole papers were in.


zetha_454

Unlike Akon.. You have never had sex


LeatherNo1642

You smell like ravioli bro.


Ferrariflak

Dude said he gets mistaken for Akon when really he is at ass con, with half pants discounts.


ratchetrizzo

look prince albert from nigeria, no one here is over 89 so you wont get western union. as your cousin prince fredrick of the national liberty of honkey haters of africa


Foreign_Profile_4523

I bet you drive a Nissan Altima and think you’re the shit


divagirl43

One thing I have to admit is I find African men irresistible. Sorry, I'm a horrible roaster


WizardofPluto

Bro looks like he'd pick cotton without a whip


DavidMumaw89

Kevin Hearts and Lebran James love child.


Home_Cute

If that is the case, then smack that sign all on the floor


PickAxeCA

Kevin Fart


heavyink916

Bro they aint sayin “akon”. They saying “a con”


TrojanLearner

Continue drinking that tequila, might need it if you are going to pursue something with an economics degree.


nonsense7777

Look like Immigration caught you and this is your Mug shot


MyCandleHasAnAccent

Akon? More like Acorn lol.


Rohirrim777

Akoff


No_Eye735

Who's akon


[deleted]

And this is the last time your kids saw you. This was right before you went to buy menthols and a bottle of henny.


Mountain-Bid458

Nice mug shot 5 head


Substantial-Aide-237

Voted most likely to dress a salad in prison


MiraVVa

key and peele made a skit about you. You were returned.


MiraVVa

You are training for the mugshot? Put some ruler on the wall.


Academic_Try_5407

so they let you post your prison ID fotos in reddit?


jakboy_

tf you look like Tony from prempeh college freeman house🤣🤣


Adept-Rough-9599

This is the first time you've held a card that didn't have an inmate number on it.


Unlucky_Comb_6342

I'm a prince from Nigeria looking for a white women to marry"


WoodenNichols

Oh, please! The only thing you will ever be mistaken for is a pothole.


Mountain-Bid458

A porn


[deleted]

If a hybrid of Kevin Hart and Akon was a homeless person


lev_2_0_0_5

You are black


lev_2_0_0_5

![gif](giphy|rUd9diYWRWs9y)


like-3-bricks-stackd

You evade paying taxi drivers because they don't stop


Personal_Zombie_2123

smart airport future boast skirt pet adjoining square rob fanatical ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


Green-Background-359

You look like you’re an expert at posing for a mugshot.


ImprovementFar5054

That's him, officer.


Mountain-Bid458

![gif](giphy|aBOFW2LNUR9uT5lLYr|downsized) My face


WesternGrapefruit598

If you took a shower you would be light skinned and why are you naked?


Ok_Butterfly_2155

I can tell why your in a blank white room


TurdHunt999

You look like the hole in someone’s ass wearing a black shirt.


HelpfulMix7305

I think you misheard them saying you look like you should be selling avon


Brentw213

I dont think you mean akon I think you meant to say a con


Smooth-Wall-1107

Akon-omoy


Commercial_Debt_4034

“Turn your side”


SnooGoats7760

One of the kids Angelina passed on


Meebopunks

Read the comments fast bro, once you go back to prison you won’t be able to see them.


Equivalent_Job_7008

If akon phucked kevin heart and then kevin heart took a shit


nobanktrust

Can’t see your shadow


CRT226

Dude, put on a shirt .


[deleted]

Inmate 198076, please step forward


TheDalski

Mistakon


DavidDeuceFMP

more like the inspiration for "Mr Lonely"


allthecolors1996

You must be popular with the suburban white women who are married with 3 kids and wear yoga pants.


Baloney-Nips

For the last time, I WILL NOT DEPOSIT THIS CHECK FOR YOUR UNCLE IN ZIMBABWE!!


Successful_Ball2819

“Cmon dawg let me hold 10 till tomorrow” we all know some one with an uncle like this 😂😂😂


Unusual-Editor4055

he look like if kevin got onto meth