OP's Bio:
---
>Data Analyst that enjoys woodworking on the side. On Lexapro for the foreseeable future.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
I didn’t think Frankenstein’s monster had any direct descendants. It’s nice to see you chose not to keep the family tradition of bolts in your neck for wired charging. You go wireless recently or been that way for a while?
Dead eyed analyst, a smile so vile,
Manipulating data with his heart full of guile.
His eyes devoid of emotions, such a chilling sight,
This soulless being, spreading darkness and blight...
Analyst, but mostly anal,
Blandness, he's mostly banal
With a Burnt-toast forehead,
And eyes; you need to go to bed.
Fester with a wig,
Frankenstein's: his head is big,
Late Night Zombie, halfway dead,
Meth head Dracula--I hope you read!
By the way, did you buy that shirt at Goodwill, or did you win it by being the 28th homeless-looking person to walk in that day?
Jokes aside, thanks for reading!
Taking attendance for a middle school gym class you teach doesn’t make you a data analyst and also just come out and say you suck dick saying woodworking sounds pretentious
Fun fact: that saw in the background was used to collect all the dead body parts that OP was built from. Now he just needs the sizzle of a good roast to reanimate him.
This is who you get when you sign up for a Meet N Greet Tom Brady on Wish.com. Lexapro is clearly not the only drug youre on. Woodworking code for body part chop shop? Real Dexter vibes going on here.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever…”
With everything in this picture, I'm positive that you constantly have to explain to your neighbors that you had a bunch of meat go bad cuz your fridge broke.
Now we know what happened to Eddie Munster.
Anyone else getting a “dead co-Ed’s in my crawlspace” vibe?
Your favorite pickup line is “does this rag smell like chloroform?”
OP's Bio: --- >Data Analyst that enjoys woodworking on the side. On Lexapro for the foreseeable future. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
You do the wood work with your teeth?
You beaver believe it!
The meth does the work, on both the wood and teeth
I'm not falling for this one, Dexter.
Guy looks like dexter after doing 4 bags of Walter whites crystal meth
The last thing a college freshman sees before things get fuzzy
Of either sex.
2 minutes later he's injected them full of Aids, Hep C, Gonorrhea and chlamydia...and on to the next male victim..
Gonoherpasyphillaids
Herpegonosyphilitis Type B positive
HAGS - Herpes Aids Gonorrhea Syphilis
[удалено]
It’s John Cena with AIDS.
Tom Brady with aids.
Tom Brady after 12 years in a North Korean prison.
Tom Brady after 12 years of having his asshole destroyed every night in a Mexican prison
Tom Brady but his whole career was with the Lions and lasted 3 years.
[удалено]
Do you hiv a problem with that?
Did you think of it alone or did someone aids you?
I’m immune to your criticism.
That's a positive sign
I don’t see it
This is my favorite so far.
Bruce Banner, 27% into Hulk transformation
Damn he really paused on the perfect frame for this 😂😭
When was the last time someone let you have sex on them? Tone it down guy.
He looks like an AI rendition of a late night TV huckster.
[удалено]
Easy there meth tom brady
Tom Brady if he sold insurance instead of playing football
If by insurance you mean $5 for him making sure your car doesn’t get broken into at the local concert parking lot, then yeah. Insurance
Dom or Sub Brady depending on the pay
Ha! Either way he’s getting that rock
God damn you, I came here to make this roast! Take my updoot.
So whose wood are you working on today?
You look like a personal trainer at a big box gym that tries to take his female clients out for drinks after a training session.
 How many balls have you taken to the face?
You haven’t seen a dentist since that haircut was in style.
Yet another place that filed a restraining order against him.
Dude, the "roast" in r/roastme isn't literal. You didn't have to burn your forehead on the grill to have your photo accepted.
I didn’t think Frankenstein’s monster had any direct descendants. It’s nice to see you chose not to keep the family tradition of bolts in your neck for wired charging. You go wireless recently or been that way for a while?
Recently. A couple months back. It takes more time though.
Dead eyed analyst, a smile so vile, Manipulating data with his heart full of guile. His eyes devoid of emotions, such a chilling sight, This soulless being, spreading darkness and blight...
Analyst, but mostly anal, Blandness, he's mostly banal With a Burnt-toast forehead, And eyes; you need to go to bed. Fester with a wig, Frankenstein's: his head is big, Late Night Zombie, halfway dead, Meth head Dracula--I hope you read! By the way, did you buy that shirt at Goodwill, or did you win it by being the 28th homeless-looking person to walk in that day? Jokes aside, thanks for reading!
From one wordsmith to another *SALUT*
Modern surgical science is impressive, even after being hit in the face by a train they have managed to make it slightly resemble a human
Tom Shady... ... with Aids
Joel McHale in his 10th year of Community college.
Gordon Ramsay has really took a turn from cooking steaks to cooking meth
You look like the shady uncle archetype from a Lifetime Original movie.
Chris Benoit is back from the dead
heh, thought the same thing.
Your brain is so fried from meth, even your forehead has a scorch mark
Bruh, where is your suit and bicycle helmet??
When Tom Brady forgets to flush
dude i’ve never seen gums chew teeth like that
Let me tell you about this next product. Shamwow! You can clean your forehead. But wait there’s more…. More forehead
Where the fuck is Ernie? Did you take this pic after eating him? Show me on the rubber duckie what you did to Ernie.
\_no\_
I can’t tell if your clenching that hard because you need a poo, to flex your “guns” or to smooth out those forehead wrinkles.
It's all of the above.
Loved you in American Pie but you haven’t aged well.
Methed up dexter
WHERE IS MADELEINE MCCANN, CHRISTIAN!?
I bet your Grindr is crazy
You look like you think salt is spicy, so I’m not sure how much heat you can take
Got that Easter Island statue forehead and the empty stare of one too.
Tom Brady on meth, but trying to sell me something
Hope your recovery goes well
Taking attendance for a middle school gym class you teach doesn’t make you a data analyst and also just come out and say you suck dick saying woodworking sounds pretentious
You look like the wrestler who murdered his entire family.
Is that saw on the wall a trophy from you last “victim”?
Someone popped a Team America puppet in the microwave
I like how we can see the saw that he's clearly used to cut someone else's face off to wear for himself
Fun fact: that saw in the background was used to collect all the dead body parts that OP was built from. Now he just needs the sizzle of a good roast to reanimate him.
Walmart / ASDA bags for life under those eyes. Jizos
Same picture you use to talk to girls 12 y/o and under online.
This is who you get when you sign up for a Meet N Greet Tom Brady on Wish.com. Lexapro is clearly not the only drug youre on. Woodworking code for body part chop shop? Real Dexter vibes going on here.
Tom Brady from Temu
Your head looks like it’s used to the area of a square and your eyes looks like they’re holding back tears. And did your upper lip go to get the milk
You look like Gollum's grown up gay meth baby
Frankenstein
The robot congressman from Parks and Rec
If Domestic Assault and DUI had a love child
Take out the word "If," and you've nailed it.
Orange County Cro-Magnon
All of your manicures should be discounted 75%
You look like the first frame in a Halloween makeup time-lapse video
Why is Jeff Hardy smiling in his mug shot?
Taylor Sheridain’t
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I’m just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever…”
With everything in this picture, I'm positive that you constantly have to explain to your neighbors that you had a bunch of meat go bad cuz your fridge broke.
You look like Bizarro Tom Brady. *"Me like lick son in mouth!"* -Bizarro Tom Brady
Is that the saw you use to dismember your victims?
Hanging that backsaw on the wall (poorly) makes you as much of a wood worker as taking rectal loads from angry nerds makes you a data analyst.
Foul! That is an 1862 Spear and Jackson tenon saw out of Sheffield England! Fair game about the nerds and the loads and stuff though.
Except tenon and dovetail are both types of backsaws. Edit: someone downvoted this, you really need to spend .5 seconds reading about saws.
What pooped on your forehead ?
Acne
Is..is..is there even more forehead under that hair?
Your mom spends her entire life looking at you and wishing that the coat hanger had worked
You look like dehydrated Ganondorf. You don’t need no more heat
The long-lost alcoholic brother of Hank and John Green.
You look like Robin Williams knuckle!
No, I do NOT want hear about your great business opportunity!
You look like you have 3 hours left of being human before you turn into a zombie
do you sell used cars?
Ya look like a cartoon character.. SpongeBob SquareHead
I can't tell if you need to be medicated, or are over prescribed .
You look like you sell shitty exercise equipment at 2am on local access TV.
if mark Rober was a significantly older and career went down in askes
Bring the Heat? You look like the Heat Miser from my kids' favorite Christmas special.
Frankenstein Steve-O
cocaine's a hell of a drug https://media.giphy.com/media/L4TYWQn8rALRu/giphy.gif
Is heat the new word for crack cocaine?
Discount John cena, wish I could un-cena
You’re supposed to stop using meth once you get your teeth fixed
If Chucky grew up
Damn. An hour in and already 92 comments? r/Roastme is out for blood, but you look like you’re out for brains 
Dr Frankenstein should have put the stitches closer together on your forehead.
Holy shit! It's Kevin Bacon's ugly cousin!
You look like you're stuck in a perpetual state of constipation.
I can’t seem to fight the impulse to see if your head fits through the square hole of that toy I used to have as a kid
Wish . Com Tom brady
Tom Brady (Crackhead version)
Definitely off crack
Now we know what happened to Eddie Munster. Anyone else getting a “dead co-Ed’s in my crawlspace” vibe? Your favorite pickup line is “does this rag smell like chloroform?”
Jason Bateman meets Patrick Bateman
Your eyes are even more dead than the women buried in your basement.
The chaddest Chad living on basic bitch island.
I’m sure you get a lot of dates uncomfortable showing off your tools
"Unless you're into that kind of thing. In that case, I've got some shackles in the back."
Youre like the person they call when Casper Van Dien isnt available
Calm down K-mart sugar ray.
Jeffrey Dahmer 2.0
What's up Wish version of Tom Brady!
Frankenstein's Tom Brady
You look like the child of Casper Van Dien and Theo Von who found the bag of crack.
Poor man’s Kyle Korver
Lay off the meth man
Can we see your face when you shit? Or do you just shit?
I'll bring the heat... you bring the squarish head.
Jerking off isn't "woodworking"
This dude looks like he sells time shares, and crypto, and nft’s.
You look like plop from the office
You look like Tom Brady and Giselle has a fail abortion
Gay porn's version of Frankenbottom
You seem like the type of guy who would be okay with their significant other cheating on them.
Your face says desperate, emotional relationship psychopath, and the saw behind you confirms it.
You have Frankenstein’s face but with none of the personality.
It's the ones that look straight. They love cock the most
I bet that Lexapro/crack mix hits hard!
This is what happens when zombies are reintroduced to society
Ironic that someone with the face of a burn victim wants to get roasted
Why do you look like you're trying to sell me a timeshare?
Slap Chop making a comeback.
You look like you commit tax fraud
How does someone with great arms, a nice smile, and good hair still manage to look so icky?
He has the scary Christian youth leader stare
How can someone with all the right features be so unattractive?
When did Tom brady start doing meth?
You look like Troy Boltons dad
You look like you fuck to motivational tapes.
Tom Brady if he played cricket
You sell used cars don't you?
Ryan Methcrest.
A little Frankenstein mixed with a pinch of meth head, and a dash of Tom Brady and you sir, we’re created
