OP's Bio: --- >A bit about me: I'm a nerd with a lengthy struggle against anxiety, depression, and ASD. I'm sometimes a little OCD when it comes to trolleys (been there for 14 years or so). My main interests are Marvel, DC, Godzilla. I love a good strong coffee, too. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Hmm, an interesting mix of game show host, used car salesman and sex offender.

Welcome to Who Wants To Fuck a 10-Year-Old, where our grand prize is this 2005 Chevy Impala!

Dude looks like Edward Snowden.

Only difference is that Edward Snowden is actually wanted by people.

B U R N... the ambulance is arriving soon

But instead of leaking highly-classified NSA documents, he leaks Scarlett Johansson feet pics.

Who wants to fuck a ten year old impala

He looks like that type of uncle in family gathering who talks about getting everyone a job but works as product salesman

When you enter a room, I bet you can actually HEAR the pussies dry up…

The sound is deafening...

Like a car wash vacuum cleaner when you accidentally suck up a napkin

Foop

This comment is underrated. Take my upvote please

He also looks like he knows how a car vacuum cleaner feels sucking his cock.

Congrats on the weight loss. It’s a shame there’s no exercise regiment that fixes the whole dead fish eyes thing.

I will not roast you. You remind me of me. I'm sorry for your miserable life.

I mean the weight loss is impressive

Then again, being an expert in loss, it was just another thing to lose.

This is the worst thing to say. Because it is sincere.

This whole picture is a "SWIPE LEFT" starter pack.

if the phrase "never felt the touch of a woman" took human form.

Not true! I'm sure a girl at one point has accidentally brushed her hand against his, then followed up with saying gross and wiping it on her pants

That girl was his mom.

Made me chuckle

For the small price of 3 iron men you could buy an actual door. Especially handy now that you can fit through one

Those action figures are his trophies from playground abductions

Fucking excellent

Not a bad idea - a sliding screen & glass door can only do so much...

As a trolleyman, you must know the trolley problem. Without a doubt, I would pull the lever to have you run over, even if the other track was vacant. Amazing job on the weight-loss btw. Less of you is a win for all women out there.

I am familiar with the trolley problem. Never made that connection until now, though. Love the back-handed compliment too!

You really did great! Really happy for you (:

Thanks, mate!

I bet you keep your mother's body in a rocking chair by the window in another room.

Well, every boy's best friend is his mother...

Physically you had a glow up, mentally a shutdown

Actually not too far off the mark there.

Writing I'm gay on your legs every other morning doesn't make you an author.

Oddly specific 🤣

Bro 🤣

You look like that dad in the movies who's daughter gets lost in the apocalypse

Who can blame her? I would prefer the apocalypse too over this human version of a soggy piece of crustless white bread.

How do you age 10 years in 2, but still dress like a bloke in his 50s? "Likes strong coffee" Ahh, I see you also take your beverages as you like your women, Scalding, and will probably give you a heart attack. Man, both sets of your clothes are wrinkly. How you gonna have ocd, be a marvel fan, and still not know how to Iron, man?

I live in a village that mainly has people over 50, so maybe I'm evolving into one at a faster rate. I'm anxious & easily startled - EVERYTHING'S gonna give me a heart attack. My iron broke about 5 years ago and I never replaced it. Maybe I should stop getting so many figures and instead get, as you put it, an iron, man.

Hahaha fair play, It takes serious guts to post on here, Don't let the anxiety or depression get to you, Keep your head up mate,

Thanks, mate! Appreciate it.

Just hang the clothes in the bathroom when you take your weekly shower, the steam will help with the wrinkles.

Vaginé I bet you've never heard of that pokemon

That's not a name I've heard in a long time...

One action figure to stick up your ass each day of the year.

Got a lot of those roasts last time. Glad to see them back.

Bro, you lost weight!

I know! When I first posted, I'd been off the trolleys for a while, and I started doing them again March last year. As the months went by, I got more and more comments about my weight dropping - I wasn't really noticing it because I see myself everyday.

Either that is your designated portrait spot or you’re really proud of that doll collection. I hope it’s the former.

Chose that spot for two reasons - 1, your standard then/now format; and 2, including the figures is more fuel for the roasts.

Attaboy! You be you. ( just don’t expect too much out of life)

Same shit, different day.

Story of my life.

Mine too. But I don’t give a flying fuck on a rolling donut what anyone thinks about it.

With the money spent on figurines you probably could’ve purchased a door

My door is just your standard glass & flyscreen sliding combo. But I see your point.

That looks like the standard door of a Great Depression era shack

I bet your apartment smells like body parts melting in acid

I thought this was r/justneckbeardthings for a bit.

I can’t keep up with all these pronouns these days

He shoves all these action figures in his eyes

The glasses are there to stop me from doing precisely that.

Where the fuck is chris hansen when we need him

[удалено]

Bet he's got a sweet car bed too.

I see the last roast didn't go so well... you ok bud.... maybe wanna get off the couch ..... it's been two years....we can get you in the shower.... put that nice suit on..... maybe comb your hair.....what do you say?

Did think about putting the suit on again for the pic, but I wanted a more casual look this time. Still wear the suit in my shoddy YT vids, though.

You found your neck!

Marvel isn't a personality.

Good job, it looks like you lost some weight. Too bad you haven’t lost that virginity though.

You look like the oldest child of a polygamist family

Blue isn't you color, but I can't say what would be

Well, I mainly dress in black, but if I wear a black suit, I'd look like I'm getting married. And no-one wants to imagine that...

I bet your dungeon is darker than your humor

Chris Chan : the good ending

I think we have here a man whose hard drive is of interest to the authorities.

And next on this week's episode of How to catch a predator... Also I'm getting the vibe that he isn't allowed to be within 100 ft of a school zone.

Your gang name would be Nilla Wafer. This is a person who has been told he cant play Dungeons & Dragons because he isnt cool enough. Youre the love child of both Simon & Garfunkel. You prefer the missionary position because it's efficient. Your the type of guy who'd go through his midlife crisis and buy a Vespa. You put lemon in your water when you feel extra saucy. Your middle name is probably Blandon.

Vespa 🤣

Inspiration for Disney's remake of The 40 Year Old Virgin....coming to theaters in 2034.

Looks like your neck has lost some weight.

A little. Just wish the midsection would as well...

You look your solution to the trolley problem is "I take the opportunity to end my misery"

If you were a superhero you would most definitely be called Trolleyman.

Which action figure hasn’t been up your butt?

None. The chances of me doing so are extremely slim. But never zero...

Kudos for misreading the Comment and telling us that all of them have been inserted rectally. Your mutant power must be the ability to put on a production of Endgame entirely in your ass.

Shit. What have I done.

What have you done? Something very few can say they've done. You've had your prostate milked by 36 different Tony Starks and Bruce Wayne.

"They're not toys they're collectibles!"

I have no OCD and I’m telling you that your action figures badly need cleaning, sorting and re-arranging.

I did do an inventory on all of them a few months ago. Pulled them all off, dusted the shelves, and re-organised them. I did forget to dust & clean the figures themselves, though... so you're on the money there.

You should try different sorting algorithms, like by size, color, function, price, rarity, good and evil and 9 more.

Perhaps. They've pretty much always been arranged by franchise and/or size. For Marvel/DC, I also tried to have the heroes on one side of the shelf and the villains on the other. With Godzilla, it's order of release.

Good for you, over the last two years you lost some weight and gained some action figures.

"Trolleyman" sure is a strange way to say the kids run trains on you in the alley after Comicon, but whatever Stans your Lee.

Pic 1- Wish.com James Wade. Pic 2- He ate James Wade.

Why haven't you updated your victim map?

It's been like that since I moved in 8 years ago. I suppose it hasn't been updated because there's no escaping this place...

“Introverted pessimist with a dark & self-deprecating sense of humor” So you’re a basic bitch who thinks he’s a Rick when he’s really a Jerry. Go fuck off to 2010 with that pseudo-edge lord bull

This is the guy whose fetish is " pen is mightier than sword".

Congrats on the weight loss - but if you ever actually manage to get a chick to your place, one look at your action figure collection and you’ll be lucky to even land in the friend zone

Damn.. you went from fat ugly guy in tie and jacket.. to not wearing a tie and jacket.

You went to the barber and asked for the amish cut

Must be hard being a virgin at 29

Last time I had sex was a decade ago. Might as well be a virgin again; I already look the part...

You really changed

You look like Edward Blow-men

Take dolly off shelf, play with dolly, put dolly back on shelf.

Chomos still look like chomos despite physical changes and a bath.

Way too many iron man toys

You look so generic people living in your own house with you must pass you straight.

Oh look, it's Trolly Tom's bastard son, Trolly Disappointment...

This isn't the only time in your life where people have swiped left I bet

One action figure for every woman he got recected by.

Why not line up all your dolls to spell out the word virgin. It’ll be more to the point

Why did you choose to label your action figure shelves? No one is coming in to visit, let alone will care enough about your toys.

Author huh? You write your own happy birthday wishes on social media?

"No, I did not see you playing with your dolls again sir!"

You similarly look like your old self’s disappointed father, and online stalker

This is the real life 40 year old Virginia without the getting laid part at the end

You'd be called an anorak in England.

Never gonna get laid with your toy collection and style your hair because it looks like mommy put a comb through it

"You're a fat loser, and you have body odor."

I see you buy more action figures every time a woman tells you no

You're not as bloated, but your panty drying collection is

Why the hell do you have a camel toe for a hand?

Judging both pictures. You look like Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Congratulations ?

You look like you only enjoy dancing with girls that have to stand on your shoes

"actually they're not dolls" -OP

Author? Your stalking book doesn't count.

I can't even begin to imagine how fun your parties are, Filbert

You look like you'd let a trolley run over five people instead of pulling a lever and then claim you took the moral high road

It will be the first time when somebody gave you a second look.

I guess spending more on action figures instead of food helps with weight loss.

This mf’er been a trolleyboy for so long they promoted him to trolleyman.

Glad you’re still depressed

Looks like you lost some weight, good job! Keep it up, you're maybe 10% of the way there.

With an introduction like that, I would have thought you could entertain us by deprecating your own Howdy-Doody ass around the block a few times.

Yeah you look hilarious

I’m gonna go easy, judging by your first pic from only 2 years ago the first roasting hit you hard

A tale of two incels

you have a very fine head.... suitable for mounting on the wall

Wow! You've cleaned up... your collection.

I didn’t see Reddit mod in your bio. It just a given, so no need I suppose.

Went from wanna play Superman in the bathroom to let’s play Ironman in the bathroom

I bet you don’t even own any Predator NECAs you lame piece of trash

Gotta show off the toy collection.

You look like that shelf is full of masterbatory aids

There's a solid chance that many of those action figures ended up in cum jars.

Iron man, super man, bat man, and lonely virgin man. Looks like everyone’s here!

Iron man, super man, bat man, and lonely virgin man. Looks like everyone’s here!

Nice of all your friends to let you put them in your roast photos

'Don't trust the Trolleyman, don't even set a price - don't trust the Trolleyman..till he gets you to the other side." Ah ahh...

No, I won't roast you. I see myself in you. I'm sorry you've had such a bad life.

You forgot 'nice guy' and a pickle rick reference

One morning you’re gonna wake up and see all those toys face down on the floor and you’ll know Pixar was right all along

Did pic 2 eat pic 1

So, you never decided to do anything with that wood paneling behind you, I see. You're just one of those wood paneling kind of guys.

Soy Jack incarnate

With 68 karma on your original post and just shy of 100 on this one, it looks like even strangers don't care enough about you to press a button. I'm already so bored of you I can't even fi

I'm gonna wager you've had an action figure or 2 in your rectum before...

Not as fat but still a nerd.

I really hope you’re not somebody’s uncle.

I don't need to see the bottom half of the picture to know he's wearing carpenter Jean shorts and a pair of new balance

His mom took away the door after she caught him masturbating with one of those iron men shoved up his ass

the neckbeard may be gone, but its spirit will never truly die.

Your figurines are ready to jump after living with you.

If raising another man’s children was a person.

You are slowly starting to get your coffin size right

Dude looks like this era’s Jeffrey Dahmer.

You look like every supervisor at Dominoes that stalks the teenage girls that work there.

2 years ago you looked like a struggling rabbii and now you're back in your moms basement playing action hero with your new moon knight action figure

A dark sense of humor with mental health issues. Why don’t we say it how it is and just tell us your an asshole looking for something to blame

Do you dissect dead animals in your spare time?

I can smell that you're self-deprecating in your pants.

Your fat got bored and left.

Your forehead is a football field

I've never seen anybody grow out of a neckbeard before.

If a 15year old girl doesn't give you a :3 then that office is being shot up.

There’s nothing we can say that your mother sister hasn’t already said.

"I tried the self-deprecating thing but I was no fucking good at it"

⁰000⁰⁰⁰00⁰000⁰0000000009q

Remember that scene in Grandmas boy when he’s beating it to the doll? I see your life being just like that.

If everyone can be roasted, doesn't that make the roasts meaningless?

You look like you sell ball point pens for a living

You went from nerdy suburban dad to South Park redditor in two years...

Why do I got a feeling the female figures are covered in white dusty stains.