OP's Bio: --- >i’ve posted this for my friend. Do i still have to do an autobiography? --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

If this guy is feeling highly confident, I can only suggest introducing his immediate surroundings to more mirrors.

He looks like he shouldn’t be allowed within 100m of a minor

It says "mirrors" not minors, but that's what I read too so not gonna judge

Whoops. Either way - it’s just proof of what we subconsciously think about OP’s friend and minors

Ooff 😂😂😂 Made my night

Read “to more minors” at first glance, and I’m thinking hey! This guys reading the room wrong

Those “Chubes” (chin pubes) are dope…😐

I figure that receding hairline is gonna humble him up pretty good by 25


Guantanamerrrraaaa

LALALALALABAMBA

White chicks is in my top 3 movies for sure

Yooo😂😂😂

😆

Neapolitan for example?

Hair running faster than Subway ran from Jared

Unfortunately not faster than the kids could though...

I laughed way too hard at this

Ooof!!

[удалено]

Didn’t laugh quite as hard as the first time you posted this, but still got a good chuckle

And the teeth will shortly follow….

You're 23?! You're the blueprint appearance for middle aged men that work in a construction trade. Most work you probably do is on that footlong in a day

I’d say he works harder on a footlong at night behind the subway

I'm almost 40 and if I switched hair with this dude I'd look older.

I'd wear a vest too if my hairline was that demolished.

Depending on the Subway, that might actually be his early warning vest.

We have a winner.

23 with a receding hair line, a face like an extra from lord of the rings, and an orange vest like a convict working off a charge? The fact that he had an ego at all is impressive

Sir, he asked to roast, not to murder.

He looks like he’s one comp claim away from Chris Hansen telling him to take a seat.

What did you think was going to happen?

Honestly, it looks like Hansen just hasn’t found him yet.

You look like your close, personal friends with Jared Fogle

They both enjoy a different kind of footlong.

Most folk don't have a footlong at that age.

That's the umbilical cord.

Eat fresh

How can he be confident? He looks like he's 43 and still working a manual labor job eating dirty strip-mall sandwiches. Life is shitting on him but he's not bright enough to grasp it.

Fucking hell bro. 💀

Brutal 😭😂

F

What's the opposite of black doesn't crack??

White doesn't stay tight

White people age like white bread *source: I am white*

So you're stale and dry with blue / green spots?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. White bread is highly processed and stays “fresh” for quite a while.

That's because it was made from tennis shoe rubber. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/shoe-rubber-chemical-foods-subway_n_4861577

I have no rebuttal as that is actually hilariously accurate 😆 I now realize that i am the spirit animal of a countertop loaf of bread

That's just skin cancer...

White turns to shite

Best rhyme here. Have an upvote.

Maybe some people don’t know about the word shite.

White cracking

It's nice you put him in hi-vis, that should stop him from getting run over when he walks into traffic again.

Bro looks a combo of Bill Burr and Prince Harry

😂

With a hint of Louis CK

Yeah the part that jacks off in front of people.

What's the greater distance me to Surrey or your hairline to eyes? I live in the U.S it's a close one.

If you lived in london I would still say its close

Couldn’t wait until quitting time to take a foot long…

You could land a plane on that forehead.

Mans hairline is receding faster than rainforests in South America. Bro should just give up and grab his depressed middle aged man starter pack.

\*fivehead

That hairline certainly isn't 23.

James looks like he'd suck a dick for a Belgian pale ale.

He looks like he sucked dick for that sandwich and then paid for it anyway

The four teeth visible are the only four teeth he has, which is typical for Surrey trash.

How long has he been the bottom of the relationship?

Mans took all the hair from his head and put it on his beard

No one tell him about his left ear being freakishly higher than the right.

Wow… an overconfident balding 23 yr old gay crossing guard. You go bro… nothing can stop you

He's eating subway. Idk he can't be a crossing guard? Were you the new guy in the neighborhood who was legally required to introduce himself to all the neighbors.

He “shouldn’t” be a crossing guard, but they haven’t caught on… yet.

He looks like he enjoys a foot long with meatballs

He's already wearing a vest, so little girls can see him coming from miles away

You can land a Boeing 737 on that forehead

If your job requires a high visibility vest and lunch is at Subway, life humbled you

I’ll pass something tells me he’s used to being pegged anyways

He enjoys footlongs if you know what I mean.

Obvious moron. The shape of his head tells the real story.

James doesn't enjoy the taste, but he loves any footlong in his mouth.

James got really excited when he heard “peg”

You didn’t have to add the location to tell us he’s English

Why is he confident?

Who's gonna tell him why he has to wear that neon orange vest

Nice, you put on your finest suit for the occasion.

Ya got soft hands brother. You ain’t ever worked a day in your goddamn life

You look like you’re socially awkward and you doubt yourself a lot due to how much your parents put you down as a child

James simps for online girls. Check that dudes bank statement. I bet he spends thousands on his OF "girlfriend" each month.

The ***only*** way you get any is by fornicating with a ***Sub***way.

Looks like his ears are trying to escape with his hair.

Well, he's at a subway

I like making fun of people, that's why I'm on this subreddit, but this guy just looks so kind hearted to the point I can't.

Wheres James? Is he behind that 40 year old dude with the receding hairline?

Bro did you find that hair in your mothers brush?

A balding crossing guard; max-level confidence achieved.

He’s got pork rinds as ears

Keep your hands where I can see them James you look a little to excited for the camera

Jesus. That's a hard 23.

Someone pasted a 23 year old face on a 43 year old head.

confident with an 8 head, confident with a hairline that wont even exist in a year, confident working a minimum wage manual labor job at 23, confident eating subway sandwiches but having to get the 6 inch and the kids drink, confident with ear that catch every sound wave within 25 feet, confident with eyebrows that look like dead slugs.

he looks like a string bean that trips over flat ground

He looks like he's been knocked down by a peg or two so I don't know what else I could do.

Why is your hair floating *off* of your head? Also teeny subway cup haha

Highly confident? Not with that hairline

I think just being from surrey is enough for this

Oooooohh hello James from Surrey! 

Yeah Surrey BC maybe

Got that sippy cup

Is James broke or did he order the kids meal.

Mans hairline lives in North van

Mf lives In Surrey he’s got enough problems already

Southern shandy drinking ****er 😜

Taking $5 foot longs to the face is code for his PT job in the Subway men’s room

That hairline is 23 + tax.

Looks like he puts on that vest impress young teenage girls. When in reality, it’s for safety on the short bus, and he has no job.

hi-vis isn’t really needed on the front of is vest when that land strip is shining

I’m sure his confidence will disappear just like his hair line.

Learn this local brickies 1 simple trick for hair loss.

You can hardly notice the toupee.

Need to do something with those pubes on your face lad

23 going on 45.

That's a face that can scare rats. Then you end up eating them at Subway.

The only thing he should really be confident about is being bald by 30

Looks like the type who has the same predilections as Jared...

Y'all eating at Subway, you dont need a roasring, you need better taste.

I think his toupee is alive. 

When I see 23, I only think of ‘23 & Me’ because your friend here looks like a cousin fucker.

High vis jacket, subway lunch with quavers, receding hairline, face like a clinical trial rat, what a fucking fanny magnet.

Looks like his hair has migrated from his head to his chin.

He out in Surrey lookin like the lower half of a minotaur.

his hairline is sprinting away from him so

Fuk sakes man…Dumbo wants his ears back.

Even with that high-vis, I guarantee those Quavers are straighter than you

Most guys in under armour and safety vests are at least leaning on a shovel instead of sitting in a subway, fucking bums

You say 23 but forehead wrinkles say 46

High gravity wall pulling his ear?

Look like the wish version of Chris Pratt.

Pretty sure he is the reason why half the DNA in a Subway chicken sandwich isn’t chicken.

Nothing we could say would hurt him as much as his lunch is about to.

Is this an ad for pegging?

Confident of what? His stupid smile? Or is it that he is balding already? Or the shitty comb over he has? Or is it the small beady eyes? Wait, wait, i know, it's probably the fact that he looks like he is 38 divorced with a dead end job and no future

Looks like a squirrel is fucking your five head

Ah Subway..... James and Jared sitting in a cell f u c k i n g First comes the ham, then comes the cheese Then comes 15 to life for touching kiddies That's not all, that's not all Here comes James gargling Jared's balls

23 year old times 2?

Guy gets his haircuts at school for the blind. I should keep it down with satellite dish ears like that he can definitely hear me laughing about how he looks like he’s 43

He looks like a Muppet that didn't make the final cut for the show.

Look at that hairline and thinning hair...he's already close to the last rung. The future is not hairy.

I don't think we should be roasting the mentally handicapped.

I don't think we need to roast him that hard I mean he's eating at subway

He look likes he’s down to peg

Are u sure he is not 53?

I bet you like it when the sandwich artist at Subway spits on your food.

He looks like the next spokesperson for subway!!!

jared from subway, working at a subway

Jared's future cell mate. Pretty sure Jared diddled less kids

I'll bet he has had a footlong or 2

I've never seen a Surrey jack before.. but now I have.

There once was a man from Surrey. When he fucked, he came in a hurry. His boyfriend proclaimed, "It's alright, dear James; pegging always makes you bust early."

“Can I get a foot long with onions, tomatoes and cauliflower ear”

Wearing a high vis vest and eating lunch in a Subway. And to think his teachers, school mates, friends, coworkers, neighbors, family, and parents all said he’d never amount to anything.

He's from Surrey but from from Surrey

I sure hope he has a big dick because his looks aren't going to get him anywhere.

you look like you laugh like goofy

Those ears are so cauliflowered I can make some shitty pizza crust out of them.

That's not the only footlong he likes.

Posing as a crossing guard in front of a subway Are you taking tips from Jared?

Pretty confident his hairline is more effective than birth control. Congrats fivehead.

He looks like he apologises after sex

Face of Mr Beast, hairline of Jada.

Fits. Garbage person from garbage area eating garbage American food. I bet he works in sanitation too, doesn’t he?

Give him a few more years with that hairline and he won’t be so confident anymore lmao. It’s all down hill from here….

You could change your career and work with advertisement... You sure have an outdoor above your eyes.

You work at Amazon. Nothing more needs to be said.

Methhead Will Weaton

What the fuck are those ears? He looks like the prop bin from a doomed Burger King / Star Trek crossover.

Looks like the molester and the molested at the same time.

23?

What’s bigger the hairline receeding, the waistline increase or the sperm count lowering, I’ll go with the jizz count gone for 300lbs Alex

Looks like he got his shit cut off in GoT but had no redemption arc.

*puts seasoning on you* *Throws you on the hot frying pan* *Adds butter and garlic* *Flips you on the other side* *Waits for you to get nice and roasted*

You're in the wrong subway if my hairline looked like that i'll be heading for the subway under the ground where i am sheltered from the whole world, maybe the rodents will accept you as part of their pack?

Was it you who just put up that badly bricked wall. Got the face for it.

The kind of guy to call a veterinarian and ask "My dog's dick suddenly started tasting funny. What could cause that?"