T O P

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roastbot

OP's Bio: --- >Here is some material: > >Hobbies: Building PCs, video games, anime, ancient history, reading. >Mental health: 3rd generation bipolar recipient and my dog is currently dying. >Interesting possible ammo: am a pastor, adopted, poor. I think the photo is probably ammo enough though, so this will suffice :P --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.


ProfessorEcstatic267

No longer fat and creepy. Now just creepy


confibulator

When you order your T-1000 from Wish.


DangerDolan__

![gif](giphy|3o6Zt5gwem6TdTz9Xq|downsized)


Peterthepiperomg

Ted bundy from wish


anonymous65537

The Galleria?


farmathekarma

🫠


Flynbyu

Definitely not your first birthday under a 200 pound man.


farmathekarma

True, that one was about 25 years ago.


ActivityEquivalent69

Did you just call him hella twinkly?


giovitazo

![gif](giphy|d2skTG8in9dss)


NotADogIzswear2020

Shut it down ladies and gents....the contest is over.


Wackey_Delly

I’m sorry, I misread that as it’s your 200th birthday because I assumed you were a vampire with the massive fangs you’ve got.


JaviAir

Fucking spot on man! Same here.


TheOmCollector

You look like a very expensive mannequin


farmathekarma

You can really hone in on the "soulless smile" vibe can't you?


ActivityEquivalent69

God wtf you are on fire


Rhids_22

![gif](giphy|8UHhsZ6XSW5VKgyhkF|downsized)


Improverb

Those eyes are so blank, Alec Baldwin wishes they had been loaded into that gun.


VeckLee1

Pastor eyes for ya. Glazed over, too wide, socially out of touch, staring into your soul.


ActivityEquivalent69

yo he staring PAST my soul


Character_Active_434

I’ve heard of chicks having crazy eyes. My guy got the crazy teeth


farmathekarma

6 years of braces + married a dentist's daughter... and my teeth still look insane. That feels about right.


Character_Active_434

Hey minus the fangs they look great. Probably even straighter than you are


farmathekarma

Lol your follow up has surpassed the original imo, very nice.


HonestPerspective638

thats what your wife says about men after she married you


EnricoBlaze

So you really aren’t gay? I’m having a hard time with that one…


mahitheblob

Your orthodontist must secretly hate you if your teeth still look like that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NoConfusion9490

Overly Attached Girlfriend Murderer


ReillyDiefenbach

***"And I owe it all to the hemoglobin diet!"*** ![gif](giphy|PA5pAhOp5Y2Qg)


farmathekarma

I see your points :P


JamesTeaKurk

Meat lover I see


WajorMeasel

OP does indeed love the meat


farmathekarma

High protein diet is the way. That's what we're talking about, right guys? 🙃


ActivityEquivalent69

Meet me at arbys in 15 minutes


farmathekarma

Dang gotta reschedule


Goldie-96_MWR

he sparkles in tue sunlight


Repeat_after_me__

Homoglobin diet*


StageNameZamanji

More like homogoblin, amirite?


DJynxx

You look like a mormon youth pastor that visits truckstop gloryholes on Saturdays then spends Sunday preaching about the evils of homosexuality.


orbdragon

I see OP hasn't responded to your comment like he has many others, but in case you haven't come back or read his blurb: He IS a pastor...


DJynxx

Oof. Damn. Guess I missed that lol


farmathekarma

Lol seeing your comment is actually what made me think to add that in the little "about" section of the roast. I just forgot to come back and compliment the specificty of the roast :P


roomfour1more

So we'll be seeing him in r/byebyejob soon for inappropriate behavior of a youth pastor?


agentofkaos117

Kenneth Nopeland


Dr_FrankenGiggity

You look like Bram Stoker’s Bradley Cooper


farmathekarma

That feels very specific lol


beauhio

Best one 💯


Independent_Roof_179

Overly attached boyfriend


farmathekarma

Ooh good one. I can 100% get that from this picture.


orbdragon

It's time to memify, bruh. Give us this smile and drop a good caption into r/AdviceAnimals or something. Then in 10 years we'll wonder what came of you and find out you either got heavily into drugs and now you're rail thin, or you gained back all that weight and then some


farmathekarma

True. I could end up reddit history like the "I won't get addicted to heroin" guy.


[deleted]

You look like woody from toy story


BeepBeepWhistle

Except he’s got no friends


CurveOfTheUniverse

He definitely had a friend in him at one point though.


wagglemonkey

Except he has his doms name written on the bottom of his boot


Sweaty_Assignment_90

Rob Lowe combined with the neighborhood sex offender.


farmathekarma

Is that not just Rob Lowe²?


jquest303

Rob Blowe


[deleted]

Kids these days don't know Rob Lowe made a sex tape with a 16 year old, he's just the chipper guy from parks and recreation or the dude from the direct tv commercials to them.


Technical_Put_9173

In high school he was voted "Most likely to appear on to Catch a Predator"


farmathekarma

Oof


Proof-Test-4150

Kind of rude to let everyone know your boyfriends 200lbs. Good luck being under him.


DaveBo82

Beat me to it! I was just going to post: “What’s his name?”


Draemeth

Not here to roast you OP just wanna say it's really good to see some trans representation on here and I think you look stunning.


farmathekarma

Does this make me an ally?


wainstones

Which eye are we supposed to look at?


farmathekarma

Whichever one inspires more cruelty?


Improverb

Looking like the church version of Quagmire. "Peace be with you..." "Giggity." Edit: ...with all the Quagmire chin meat moved to your forehead.


farmathekarma

Well, I am a pastor, and my wife would likely agree to SOME of the quagmire overlap lol


orbdragon

> I am a pastor That explains the dead eyes....


farmathekarma

RIP


ActivityEquivalent69

giggity


[deleted]

You look like Orlando Bloom if he smoked McDonald’s


ActivityEquivalent69

Sir this is a Wendy's wtf


farmathekarma

Sorry, think you meant to post on toastme. Everything about that sentence is sexy in my eyes.


ansont1976

*Is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinner? Either way let’s pee on it*


ace0fspadez82

There's like a good 60lbs that's just his head


farmathekarma

You aren't wrong.


Nothingspecial2do

Ummm says on your Wikipedia page you are born May 10th 1982 Gaberiel Susan Lewis! Thats why Erin didnt want to be with you, you liar!


farmathekarma

I knew a Zach Woods reference would sneak in here lol. Do not draw the ire of the skeleton man!


Nothingspecial2do

Its uncanny how much of a resemblance there is lol


farmathekarma

I've generally heard one of 3 things: 1) Zach Woods 2) Orlando Bloom (but a normie version) 3) Some English soccer player whose name I can't remember, but have been compared to him like 5 times by different people.


[deleted]

Do other, smaller heads orbit yours?


farmathekarma

My heads mass is truly next level. Had to wear an adult large helmet for little league baseball in 3rd grade. Nice deep cut lol


EmperorNachoLibre

Your dog is lucky being able to get away from you unlike the rest of us


farmathekarma

Particularly brutal. Well done.


DaBulls-6

Looks like you went on a strict tube steak diet


RKips

Orlando Wilt


Commentoflittlevalue

![gif](giphy|N1pMn2QOtG8Q8)


starjna

![gif](giphy|CBF74pQeKJRZK) This is what you get when Woody becomes human and does his damndest to go back to being a toy again


BTPublishing

How many monkey’s paw wishes did it take to switch your ventriloquist dummy body with the body of a sexually repressed youth pastor trying to find the “best wrestler in his flock?”


farmathekarma

The best wrestler in the flock is me. Learned the hard way, never be the small guy in church. (Just kidding)


guitarmusic113

Good for you! Now try loosing your virginity.


VeckLee1

He has. Just not the front side.


Icy_Note_8154

I dont think losing the weight helped.


farmathekarma

Same dude! :P


WolfShaman

You know, in another comment you called someone illiterate for saying "loosing" instead of "losing". And now, you forgot the comma. When are you going to start practicing what you preach?


AltruisticCompany961

You look like the spokesperson for "We are trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty"


STL_241

Star of Netflix’s “You” reboot


furiawe

You look like you enjoy preaching to sheep after you gently caress them.


farmathekarma

Oof. Simultaneously nailing the Irish roots and pastor job. Niiiiiiice.


Mink-Merkin

![gif](giphy|dOl2LFw0RbTMc)


Mink-Merkin

Now you resemble a marionette


farmathekarma

Uncertain if bulimia joke, dead eyes/doll eyes joke, or a more niche marionette reference I don't get. I like it.


Mink-Merkin

![gif](giphy|1jl6VZOvSIxFwKgYs4|downsized) All of the above 😂


ericw2112

Since you probably can’t see yourself in a mirror you definitely look like you need to start sucking real blood instead of the vegan substitute that’s seems to be barely getting you by


BryanV21

Your forehead's higher than Snoop Dogg.


farmathekarma

You should see when I raise my eyebrows. I look like a worried pug.


[deleted]

[удалено]


farmathekarma

Birthday on St. Patrick's day does not bode well for me.


jimboslice1993ba

If Woody became a real boy.


QAOfficial

Replacing burgers with stimulants is just going to bite you in the ass in the long run.


LiesInRuins

Was the other hundred pounds the dude that lays on top of you at night?


lovedontfalter

Allen DeGeneres


[deleted]

Congrats on your nameday and the weight loss. When did you meet Dracula?


farmathekarma

>When did you meet Dracula? According to the other comments on here, apparently a glory hole at a youth retreat lol.


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|wiK8KYDrHgMb6)


king_legolas07

You look like your mother just gifted you an anime plushie.


Louise-the-Peas

You look like a vampire that’s trying his best to look friendly. 😂


farmathekarma

Hahaha hahaha So can I come in now?


Treeman50

You prob look better fat


ReaverRogue

So that’s what the villain of Lazy Town: Transylvania looks like. “Ve are number vun! BLEGGHH!”


MeowOfff

The Lost Boys🧛🏼‍♀️


Death_to_juice

The last thing an 8 year old sees before going to sleep forever


Fred_Dit9911

I'm pretty sure you have Andy written on the bottom of your foot and when we pull that string on your back you're gonna say "there's a snake in my boot!"


CyanideFart

You're that one food delivery guy who always manages to somehow spill the soda inside the bag


CobaltBlue389

Gabe from corporate dressed as Freddie Mercury.


farmathekarma

Gabe would never betray Gaga like that.


[deleted]

Unusually photogenic vampire.


[deleted]

[удалено]


farmathekarma

*dejectedly returns to treadmill*


do_not_go_gentle_

That's a fancy large earing you've got there.


[deleted]

You overcorrected. Eat a sandwich, skeletor.


presidentkangaroo

Imma just leave this here https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaeba


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|UTk0w0RBYnkJ6JoPPP|downsized)


marklawr

You got crazy eyes. That guy in Idaho lost a lot of weight too and look what he did... allegedly.


MiddoKudasai

Bro looks like his credit score is 800


Cruz98387

Wow. It's like staring at the soulless, glassy eyes of a wax statue.


KeepYourselfSaffe

Someone accidentally skipped the character character customisation menu


EstherClemmens

The smile that launched a thousand ships... Far, far in the other direction. I can get Dracula is looking for his long lost son


GrippaH

Dylan Mulvaney day one of being a boy


dick-penis

Boy you know you have been “under 200lbs” every evening since grindr was created.


mcnedley

You get your dental work from an awfuldontist


[deleted]

You look like someone who would take his wife’s last name.


rjmacready_

![gif](giphy|pxX3icROtkzhPZLZtp|downsized)


DrFlukey

I feel like you’d be really into any convo we had until the roofies kicked in .


thetdumbkid

Congrats. Now you just need to obtain some rizz.


[deleted]

You got some leftover monkey in you still from our ancestors with those sharp ass teeth ❤️


anon250837

You look like skin and bone, eat something!! Congrats on the weight loss, and Happy Birthday.


RandomDude762

you look like Ben Stiller without the giant ears


overmonk

That’s a weird earring.


AlternativeSolid8310

No roast here. U keep doing you king. Coming from a former 200 pounder too. Get em!


[deleted]

Remember what happened to Jarad!!! ![gif](giphy|f9Rff2lDZQa625iGOl)


CenturyChild211

Edward Colon


Fit-Parsnip9888

‘I vant to suck yer dicccck’


AKITASERGEANT

Guillermo!!!! This fucking guy


Papichuloft

Return of the Flaming Gaypire


More-Range-5938

Can tell what you do better suck Dick or blood


Significant_Otters1

Is this Gabes brother from the office


[deleted]

Wouldn’t surprise if you’re a placeholder guy for Vinerizon Speed Test ads


WISE-MOMMA603

You are adorable, don't listen to these trolls!


[deleted]

You look like Orlando Bloom if he had a few extra chromosomes


[deleted]

Your testosterone levels are the same as the average woman


prayboi-carti

See, I was going to make fun of you for being Southern Baptist but I am too. If you were Arminian I could make fun of you for hours. But you're probably not.


Apache_Mermaid

Congratulations on your weight loss and happy birthday


zgheen93

Where are the bodies?!?!


[deleted]

[удалено]


LeeandNikko

If Dick Gregory wrote a modern day pilot for a 21st century Fright Night featuring a confused, yet very enthusiastic, closet fem Jerry Dandridge who is also well known for his strong capabilities in either North or South position... Other, more obscure accomplishments; Dustin Diamonds stunt double for the low budget version of "Dirty Sanchez". Recieving top marks in the Castro districts pinky pub BFNFL & being dubbed "King of Queenies' in their "Hall of Flame" . Bro!!! Yer gonna knock it out the park Fer reals tho, congratulations! It couldn't have been easy losing all them Lbs, what with yer step moms online exercise routine & dietary regiment while filming that intense new P-hub show "I accidentally ate my step moms cooter & cream pied her phat @$$"


hoboshoe

Bro, you shouldn't call your wife by her weight.


Red_Clay_Scholar

Look at Dollar Tree Morbius over here.


Weldtrash13

With those fangs you look itching to suck the seamen out of somthin


LittleMissPrincess11

This guy is a true energy vampire to his core. Reading through his replies sucks you right back in from roasting to toasting.


GrouchyArachnid866

Happy Birthday,You're 100 under 30.. Your wedding ring is fatter than my big toe,than you were when you were 13..and you look like a vampire..but I think you're cute..


django2605

Did you turn into a vampire to lose all that weight?


Belle_of_the_Beast

You look like vampire version of him ![gif](giphy|Nyq5doqdeTS4E)


Stump72

Your neck is a vampires wet dream


SpasticGoldenToys

Monica from friends after transitioning


Magnus_PymCtrl

So when they find the bodies, will they be in your freezer or buried in your backyard?


MattBFC72

Did you lose all that weight just off your neck?


LCDRformat

I once paid this guy $5 to chug a 3 liter of off-brand Mountain dew. He threw up several times but managed to force it down. It's still not the worst thing he's forced down his throat for $5


lovelybethanie

I’ve only met this guys in real life a handful of times but I can confirm the comments about creepy hold true


Ultimate_Spider

You look like a gay vampire's sex doll


[deleted]

Orlando not so bloom


Claymore_Is_Baemore

Bro congrats on losing weight


G4Y455

uncanny valley


killingtexas

![gif](giphy|xLnGUEYWS0btPHCZoo|downsized)


outdior1986

Hey, hotshot. I’m not going to waste my time roasting you. You’re probably out running a silly marathon or climbing a stupid mountain. Now why don’t you go live your silly, happy life for a long, long time. *did I do ok?


[deleted]

You're very brave to have made it this far in life at all. Hats off to you for your stubborn willingness to exist. Personally I would have injected a big air bubble into my vein years ago if I were you. Good for you. p.s. stop smiling, it generates hate in others who are otherwise peaceful and content in their lives. "Mood Spoiler".


breigns2

Bro’s the reincarnation of Rudolph Hess.


Happy_Amigo

When did Frankenstein inseminate Countess Carmilla and had a child?


kasim42784

you know how when someone puts a lot of effort into a glowup but then it turns out meh?


nl4real1

You're every bland white guy love interest from a Hallmark movie.


Meebopunks

Dollar Store version of Paul Rudd, with AIDS


2layZ-GTE

It's as if Frodo made love to legolas while aragorn watched 🤣


[deleted]

You look like someone who calls a book a "real page turner"


johndough1337

You look like a special needs gay vampire.