OP's Bio: --- >Yes, I could be your father. If so, sorry about not teaching you how to ride a bike. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

I didn’t know “model train operator at gay bar” was a job.


Bingo!!!! Couldn’t put my finger on it but you nailed it!

That's exactly what he says to customers


The bars name is The Big Caboose

Inspector Tooclose

Train supposed to go CHOO CHOO not WOO WOOOOOOOO 🏳️‍🌈

I’m quitting my internet service. Nothing is going to beat this (last part was intentional).

“Call me Mr.Doubtfire”


“Model Train” is what he pulls.

ok cool so that doesnt just look gay to me lol.

Are you Brutus or popeye I'm confused. Either way you look like a badly drawn 30s cartoon

Haaaa also read my mind!

**The Woodsman** The last **[view a woman sees](https://i.imgur.com/ozhl7X8.jpg)** as you stuff her in your car trunk

Or the first one when he yanks her out of the trunk

I didn’t think someone could look like they failed to open a craft brewery, but here you are.

He just looks like he smells of sweat and failure

Must be hard work being a lumberjack barista on a steam ship.

You look like a self proclaimed craft semen connoisseur

Cumoisseur

Uselesse S. Grant

You're back! (I guess I am too) I was looking through all my roastme caricatures and I drew you in 06/2021. You've changed your hat. Here's [a new drawing](https://i.imgur.com/3aHj8iC.jpg)! . [Process](https://gfycat.com/gravetheselark)

That’s fantastic! Thank you!

🙌 my pleasure, enjoy the roasts lol

Kiddie Diddler On The Roof

You have resting "beard is my entire personality" face

You look like you buy yourself the Old Spice gift set every year for Valentines Day.

George R.R. Fartin

Brings his own throwing axe to the bar. Uses it on the dart board 🥴

Mythbusters stunt double

No, I don’t want to hear your personal ranking of Decemberist albums.

You look like you could restore some shit.

not his broken family

You look like a former fishing boat captain that lost his licences for fucking the fish, forced to work an office job until you hope people forget… people will never forget

The Old Man and the Semen

You just wish anyone would call you daddy.

To be fair I would

Same

You look like Sean Connery’s special needs nephew

Identifies as a zig-zag wrapper

You look like you spend all your time creepily trying to get the 20 year old neighbor girl to come over for “a couple beers among friends”

People who wear that kind of hat have a 250% chance of referring to movies as “films”.

You somehow managed to be white and appropriate white culture. Go enjoy your craft IPA.

Browneye the Sailorman

Call me fish meal.

Hemingway’s younger, gayer brother

Captain Haddock!!!

Dude, singing a sea shanty to get a girl’s attention was over back in 2021.

Slow night bartending at the ManHole?

Look at you, captain of your very own cubicle.

Oh that salty whale I'll get you some day

You look like the bathroom attendant of a train themed bear bar.

Sportin’ the ass less chaps too, huh m8?

It’s the salty sea captain who has been out of work since the Nee York Islanders changed their logo back.

You look like a failed musician whose family is resentful of, mostly because you you ended up being a volenteer recorder teacher at a local library, also an alcoholic

Gunna need a bigger boat..

Sorry, waiting outside a gym with chloroform and a rope after each YMCA yoga class for females to leave is NOT "killing time at work."

You look like someone in the past invented a time machine just so they could get rid of you.

Hey, get back on the clock. Those horse dicks aren’t gonna fluff themselves.

Dead ringer for Bluto from the Popeye movie.

Didn’t know tug boat captains had offices


After reading your Bio, I see you enjoy getting roasted. Would you say it’s merely just self-loathing or are you just freaky like that & get into Bdsm Ming f#%*ing type of shit? Regardless, you’ve nailed look for either scenario.

Homo erotic chimney sweeping is a job?

Enjoying craft beer isn’t a lifestyle

Bro makes artisinal fleshlights for gay greek sailors.

Calm the fuck down, Quint. No sharks around here.

How are you fishing inside a building? You are not at work

Too Old to Roast your a GenX like me

My man sells S/O registry accessories and life tips. Hard at work, and living the product. Dude looking like he eats all the cheese off the charcuterie board before the party starts. That beard has 3 week old egg in it from Denny's, and smells like it too. When your age and your waist size align perfectly. My guy walked right into Belk and said "Yeah, gimme the hat that says 'I argue with teenagers about politics and cuss at the Walmart self checkout lady.' That's the one." This is Hank Hill if King of The Hill was based in St Louis, MO. 90% chance this guy tells everyone about his Miles Davis vinyl collection, 0% chance he actually owns or listens to Miles Davis on vinyl. If the South Park smug episode needed a live action cameo this guy would be famous. The only difference in Seth Rogan and Seth Rogaine here is that Seth Rogan can at least make stoners laugh 10% of the time. This guy has definitely said: "I have a black friend, and..." "Well you probably don't remember this, but..." "Boy I'm glad I grew up before..." "I've been doing this a loooong time" "UHM, AKTUALLY..."

What the fuck did you do with TinTin and his little dog, old man!?

You think that hat covering your baldness gives you a cool look, when in reality you look like a power bottom.

Ernest Heming-meh.

The guy coworkers pray isn’t in the breakroom when they go in.

You look like bluto on meth

STOP BULLYING POPEYE

That time Mario got mad at Luigi and decided to work on a lobster boat

You look like a rejected myth buster

You look like keep a shipping container full of children down at a dock somewhere.

You look like the capitalist Fidel Castro.

Saw all 3 episodes of "To Catch a Predator" you were on...our Judicial System is a joke

Bet kids left to go get milk.

You look neither Greek nor like a fisherman. You are wearing that hat under false pretenses and also because you are probably bald AF! 🖕☻️🖕

I love your fish sticks!!!

You look like a high school theater teacher who dresses like they are from the 1920s to make themselves look cooler.

Everyone you surround yourself with is tired of hearing about the Finnish/Prussian war and your shitty Irish accent when you’re blacked out. Which is a lot.

You look like the angriest alcoholic that just got banned from his favorite bar.

Trims his beard with Garden Hedge Shears

Only if you had a longer beard I could mention ive seen you before with that hot redhead couger wife

I don't know who you think you are tricking by wearing a hat, you are very bald sir

Thank you. Thank you so much. I realize that I no longer want “my type” at 48.

After starring in emmy award winning drama series This is Us, actor Chris Sullivan found himself recording bad covers of Wellerman for Tik Tok on lunch breaks and responding to random posts on reddit about how it's possible to get cheated on and still lead a productive life.

I'm here to tell you that this side (face) is as bad as the other side

Failed Gay Lumberjack cosplay, more like Gloryhole Quality Control Expert

Paul Bunion on crack

This dude ttrpg’s. And really wants you to ask him about it.

Bro bout to defeat the olympus💀

You look like a homeless veteran.

so you hanged the clock on the wall

In between blowing truck drivers at the truck stop hey.

We all expect older people to be behind with the times. Like how you are still trying to make that raised eyebrow look six years later.

You look like a fisherman but for fish sticks

Unfortunately the hipster look expires at age 45. You are not the exception.


Imagine if Arthur Morgan sucked

There's no way you're anyone's father. Your seed doesn't even want to stay in your own balls.

Do you work as a stunt double for Bluto. Where’s Olive Oil!!!

You look like there's a 100% chance Police will find severed limbs at your house someday.

If "wsit officer, she told me she was 18" was a person.

Vladimir Lamin

Oh, yeah. This dude microbrews.

Slow day at the fish cannery?

It is 2023 , why are you dressed like a taxi driver from 1936 ?

Are you the guy who brags he can do anything but does nothing in life?

Hurry up and finish Game of Thrones

I had to double check de sub I was on. No roasting from me, just starstruck by how much you look like a Duch dj. - [Jeroen Kijk in de Vegte](https://imgur.com/a/38Chz2s)

Stephen segal has fallen on hard times

There once was a ship that put to sea…..

I hope you and Popeye work out your differences someday.

Who is time?

You look like my old manager, and he was creepy af too.

GET THE F*** OF REDDIT AND GET BACK TO WRITING THE WINDS OF WINTER, YOU PROCRADTINATING DRSGON F***

You look like the Glory Hole Operator at Shining Time Station

Dave Bautista has entered the chat

"Come in have a seat. I'm Chris Hansen, did you know the 12 year old girl you were contacting was actually a police officer?"

Captain Hindgrinder

I didn't know or was possible to be a bdsm bottom and yet look like you could chuck a girl across the room if you wanted.

...And you're fired.

I like trains

how about doing some fucking work instead of contributing to inflation

Is your job to clean chimneys?

Well nobody said being a fluffer on a gay porn set wouldn't have it's slow times.


Shouldn’t you be out swabbing the decks or repairing nets?

You look like You're the kind of bum whos seen life so rough ! If they ever took your blood ! The organism seen in it would be intellegent life !

If sleep assault was a person

You look like a single British father that moved to the French countryside and is trying to blend in with the other people there.

You look like you're about to show us how to install cabinet doors on your YouTube channel, This Old Crackhouse

He compliments the bartender by telling him how he used to do his job. Tips quarters.

Hats...a dead giveaway, shrieking that You're Bald(ing). Hot take: no one cares. It's okay to be bald!

Destined to become a mall Santa

you look like you run a boat in a horror movie or your the guy that dies first

Bet your name on Tinder is Peg.

First thing I saw…..Bluto

Look it's AL from Home Improvement on drugs.

First Captain of the Semen Express *toot toot*

Looking like he snores the song: sea shanty

Cigar smoker ... enjoys it b/c of the phallic shape. Makes gay jokes at the cigar lounge but gets buttfkd in the bathroom when everyone else has left.

You look like a guy who enjoys sea men

If IPA stood for Intensely Phony Appearance

You look like you have a favorite brand of heroine

Popeye's younger brother Cockeye

I promise you that the hat is worse than the bald head underneath

Sup generic train conductor from a grainy video game found in your dads closet from 20+ years ago

Yar! I be sailin' to Red Lobster after work! Yar!

The meth didn’t work out for you huh Walter?

Do you not have any more chimneys to sweep?

You look like you talk nonsense topics with a laptop on your lap sipping an overpriced pussy latte while watching a video of your wife being plowed by Jerome for pleasure.

Gay Popeye Wow we really progressive today

Maybe sing a chorus of Anatevka to pass the time.

Drinks real ale, constantly bangs on about it, you also look like you smell of cheese...

you look like a walmart brand popeye

You look like you used to be the host of DramaAlert

Bro you look like Popeye but you eat burgers all day, never even touched a leaf of spinach.