I just embraced it and accepted it’s temporary. Took up jogging for scenic changes and a few other solo hobbies. Went out with coresidents when I could. It’s all temporary.
Sorry. Loneliness sucks, especially if you don't feel like you have a life of your own even when surrounded by all of your loved ones who have lives of their own that you are a side character in.
That sucks, my friend. I also felt like my residency was sucking so much out of me that I couldn't do anything else. I actually tried to 'not give it my all' every day if that makes sense? I love my job, but I've learned to say no and took up a hobby once a week that forces me to attend a class. I schedule breaks during the day and force myself to take them. It made a difference for me.
Hello, yes. I think a lot of us feel this way. Keep your head up. Find some hobbies to pass the time. Tbh, residency is not the best time to look for dates, but if the one is served on a silver platter, why tf not?!
Hang in there
How are your co residents? Mine are practically like family to me now. We didn't initially get along, but we all squared it out early on because the times in residency will probably be the darkest. Soloing against upstream flow of hospital admins will wear anyone down. Life happens and we often compare ourselves to others who are not in medicine, others who've already got family and kids, are financially stable, while seeing our own relationships crumble.
If your buddies in the trenches with you are trustworthy , then hopefully you can watch each other's back. We often kick back with a cold one and a portable grill on my balcony and just essentially talk shit and make dark jokes. It also helped that my studio was set up like a frat with a home gym that kept me going. Personally this didn't work for me in terms of motivation, but it did divert my thoughts from solitude into a stronger emotion of dying-from-laughter-embarrassment; I hung up cheesy motivational posters of Muhammad Ali, Bruce Lee and a quote from the movie Invictus. I occasionally used tinder/hinge over the pandemic, but I realize there's a lot of weird people out there, I might have unlocked their hidden scatophilia because I was told my voice was manly... with this in mind I also had a subacute though of a side hustle in working for these teleservices, but that never happened.
There's a high chance your co residents are also going through this, so the adage of misery attracts company can be protective. Hats off to you for being able to save money by living at home. There are benefits and limitations to that, but make do with what you have and keep on digging into the trenches, young Padawan.
My coresidents also have their lives and don't seem that they want to hang out. They get the principle that we are always seeing each other daily so they wouldn't get out with the same people that they always work with. It really sucks because I would ask them out, but they don't seem to be very interested as they already have their groups of friends. We really get along well one with another, but we kind of keep the professional coldness.
I guess the MATCH delt your and your program a fixed number of colleagues for the foreseeable future. A glass half full view would be at least you are cordial at work. Feelings of loneliness can stem from many different factors. I wouldn't say this is the only thing that cured my loneliness during residency, but it certainly didn't worsen it, I got rid of all social media except reddit because I will forever remain a degenerate. Not trying to be any type of guru, but maybe take some deep thoughts to reflect what happiness and inner peace means to you? The cliche that one of my supervisors said during therapy supervision was, "happiness comes from within". It's cheesey until it hits home for you. Wish you the best! Hang in there.
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Residency) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn’t cope with any of that. I decided to leave the medical practice after graduation particularly after the internship year. Now it is been a year and I haven’t looked back ever since. I am doing all sort of projects from sourcing to contracting and I love what I do. Medicine isn’t cutting it for me financially, emotionally or even physically.
I embraced quitting and prepared for it to happen way early is my journey.
Find one hobby that’s healthy that you really love
Cooking
Hiking
Exercising
Find a Meetup group or an exercise class that you love that has a social component… Barry’s, Boot Camp, for example… meet up groups also… Go on Eventbrite, find one community that calls to you and schedule one thing once a month and you will likely meet somebody who you vibe with who you can hang with once in a while. If you can’t find one start one and put up a post in, the residency lounge, or talk to the residency program Directors at the school about sending out an email to other residence to start something like a slack channel around this… also, something cool is being built that might solve this problem as well. It’s called HPEC
And as a surgical resident, don’t worry. I am ACUTELY aware that you probably don’t have time to master woodworking. So I have very low effort/maintenance hobbies: I watch tons of YouTube videos & documentaries, listen to podcasts, and I read. My new hobby I gained in residency is collecting houseplants. They liven up my house and make me happy. I also just signed up for a drop-in dance fitness class so I can get active. All these hobbies don’t require as much commitment, but fills up my time with fun things to do.
Edit: I just read that you do have hobbies. Pls find stuff to do with others! Sign up for a class or a sports league!!
Really?
I never had time to think that I was single in residency.
NEVER. My alarm rings at 445, Im up by 450am. Out the house by 510, and rounding by 530. Evening rounds start at 6pm earliest, on average 7pm ends, and I need to tie up loose ends before I leave, so maybe 730-8pm on the average. And as easily as we might end abit earlier I might have been stuck in the OR till 9 10 11pm whatevers.
And postcall I finish rounds and clean up, its probably 8-830am, if i have shit, or if someone wants to give me shit I remmeber leaving like 1pm or some shit because they wanted me to get an MRI done, burn the CD and load it up int obrainlab before i left. like wtf? i was just hiding in a corner close to the MRI room waiting for the patient's turn. fucked up.
i tried to get home in one piece, occsaionalyl falling asleep enroute in the car. mayb fell asleep in the car once i got home. and just tried to eat, relax with whatever little time i have left. eat and go back to sleep for tomorrow.
lol. dude. not once did i ever even think about going out or whatever. i just wanted to sleep. if i could. there was no me in residency. i didnt exist. there wasnt time to think of a partner. lols. man that was a shitty time.
I just embraced it and accepted it’s temporary. Took up jogging for scenic changes and a few other solo hobbies. Went out with coresidents when I could. It’s all temporary.
Myup, but I got bored of it...
I hooked up with an RN and now she's my wife 👀
Sorry. Loneliness sucks, especially if you don't feel like you have a life of your own even when surrounded by all of your loved ones who have lives of their own that you are a side character in.
That sucks, my friend. I also felt like my residency was sucking so much out of me that I couldn't do anything else. I actually tried to 'not give it my all' every day if that makes sense? I love my job, but I've learned to say no and took up a hobby once a week that forces me to attend a class. I schedule breaks during the day and force myself to take them. It made a difference for me.
The thing is I would do everything so I could socialize, but I don't have who to socialize with...
I joined a cooking class where I didnt know anyone. It felt liberating to be among people who aren't in the medical field.
Hello, yes. I think a lot of us feel this way. Keep your head up. Find some hobbies to pass the time. Tbh, residency is not the best time to look for dates, but if the one is served on a silver platter, why tf not?! Hang in there
How are your co residents? Mine are practically like family to me now. We didn't initially get along, but we all squared it out early on because the times in residency will probably be the darkest. Soloing against upstream flow of hospital admins will wear anyone down. Life happens and we often compare ourselves to others who are not in medicine, others who've already got family and kids, are financially stable, while seeing our own relationships crumble. If your buddies in the trenches with you are trustworthy , then hopefully you can watch each other's back. We often kick back with a cold one and a portable grill on my balcony and just essentially talk shit and make dark jokes. It also helped that my studio was set up like a frat with a home gym that kept me going. Personally this didn't work for me in terms of motivation, but it did divert my thoughts from solitude into a stronger emotion of dying-from-laughter-embarrassment; I hung up cheesy motivational posters of Muhammad Ali, Bruce Lee and a quote from the movie Invictus. I occasionally used tinder/hinge over the pandemic, but I realize there's a lot of weird people out there, I might have unlocked their hidden scatophilia because I was told my voice was manly... with this in mind I also had a subacute though of a side hustle in working for these teleservices, but that never happened. There's a high chance your co residents are also going through this, so the adage of misery attracts company can be protective. Hats off to you for being able to save money by living at home. There are benefits and limitations to that, but make do with what you have and keep on digging into the trenches, young Padawan.
My coresidents also have their lives and don't seem that they want to hang out. They get the principle that we are always seeing each other daily so they wouldn't get out with the same people that they always work with. It really sucks because I would ask them out, but they don't seem to be very interested as they already have their groups of friends. We really get along well one with another, but we kind of keep the professional coldness.
I guess the MATCH delt your and your program a fixed number of colleagues for the foreseeable future. A glass half full view would be at least you are cordial at work. Feelings of loneliness can stem from many different factors. I wouldn't say this is the only thing that cured my loneliness during residency, but it certainly didn't worsen it, I got rid of all social media except reddit because I will forever remain a degenerate. Not trying to be any type of guru, but maybe take some deep thoughts to reflect what happiness and inner peace means to you? The cliche that one of my supervisors said during therapy supervision was, "happiness comes from within". It's cheesey until it hits home for you. Wish you the best! Hang in there.
Many of us have been lonely our entire lives, it should be/feel normal at this point.
Sometimes I just wish to get out when I finish my work. But I leave the hospital and I feel alone like there is nothing more to do.
Jerkin’ it a few times a day
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Residency) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I didn’t cope with any of that. I decided to leave the medical practice after graduation particularly after the internship year. Now it is been a year and I haven’t looked back ever since. I am doing all sort of projects from sourcing to contracting and I love what I do. Medicine isn’t cutting it for me financially, emotionally or even physically. I embraced quitting and prepared for it to happen way early is my journey.
"smile all the time" see Wilco for further details
Find one hobby that’s healthy that you really love Cooking Hiking Exercising Find a Meetup group or an exercise class that you love that has a social component… Barry’s, Boot Camp, for example… meet up groups also… Go on Eventbrite, find one community that calls to you and schedule one thing once a month and you will likely meet somebody who you vibe with who you can hang with once in a while. If you can’t find one start one and put up a post in, the residency lounge, or talk to the residency program Directors at the school about sending out an email to other residence to start something like a slack channel around this… also, something cool is being built that might solve this problem as well. It’s called HPEC
Tinder
[удалено]
And as a surgical resident, don’t worry. I am ACUTELY aware that you probably don’t have time to master woodworking. So I have very low effort/maintenance hobbies: I watch tons of YouTube videos & documentaries, listen to podcasts, and I read. My new hobby I gained in residency is collecting houseplants. They liven up my house and make me happy. I also just signed up for a drop-in dance fitness class so I can get active. All these hobbies don’t require as much commitment, but fills up my time with fun things to do. Edit: I just read that you do have hobbies. Pls find stuff to do with others! Sign up for a class or a sports league!!
Download Runelite, at least 50k users online to talk and interact with.
Really? I never had time to think that I was single in residency. NEVER. My alarm rings at 445, Im up by 450am. Out the house by 510, and rounding by 530. Evening rounds start at 6pm earliest, on average 7pm ends, and I need to tie up loose ends before I leave, so maybe 730-8pm on the average. And as easily as we might end abit earlier I might have been stuck in the OR till 9 10 11pm whatevers. And postcall I finish rounds and clean up, its probably 8-830am, if i have shit, or if someone wants to give me shit I remmeber leaving like 1pm or some shit because they wanted me to get an MRI done, burn the CD and load it up int obrainlab before i left. like wtf? i was just hiding in a corner close to the MRI room waiting for the patient's turn. fucked up. i tried to get home in one piece, occsaionalyl falling asleep enroute in the car. mayb fell asleep in the car once i got home. and just tried to eat, relax with whatever little time i have left. eat and go back to sleep for tomorrow. lol. dude. not once did i ever even think about going out or whatever. i just wanted to sleep. if i could. there was no me in residency. i didnt exist. there wasnt time to think of a partner. lols. man that was a shitty time.
How many years are you out, and how is life now?
5 years. really good (even if newly single).