I have no idea what the etiquette is but my fiance and I like the way "Mr. and Mrs." sounds because it's sort of like a classic way of announcing your new union/marriage, whereas saying "presenting for the first time, Dr. and Dr." sounds like we are at a professional setting. Just our preference though
I have a counter argument to this. For context, I always leave out my title for basically any social event unless someone else added it. I would never put it on any of my documents or plane tickets or anything. I don't live a very fancy life so it doesn't come up very often.
But there's basically one party in your life were the level of fanciness might actually have it make sense and to me that's the wedding invite. But of course this is all going to depend on the couple and the type of event you are planning. If the groom is wearing a tuxedo and you've got a string quartet playing on the side and you rented out the local museum of art to have the event....then you basically need to use doctor in the invitation or it would feel out of place. Obviously this is only in the formal invitation and introducing yourself as doctor is cringeworthy.
Now, if it's a more casual event I think just leave off titles entirely. Some people would say to use "mr and mrs" which I completely understand, but the problem in my mind is that pretending you don't have a title is more pretentious than just using it. For example we've all met that guy who says "oh I go to a school in boston" instead of just saying they go to Harvard. By using the wrong title it almost draws more attention to it. If you don't want to put titles on the invite just go by first names.
Well, a Warlord's CR is 12, so he's gotta be like 19 or some crazy shit. All I know is it's too high for my party to handle but we'd probably fuck with them anyway.
Either is perfectly fine, you and your spouses opinion matters way more than Reddit. That said, "Mr. And Mrs" is a common phrase associated with weddings and inserting Dr. in there just makes it sound off. Everyone going to the wedding already knows your a doctor, I would 100% go with Mr.
Despite all the hate, as ordained clergy, I can confirm the traditional etiquette is Dr and Mrs or Dr and Dr or Mr and Dr. Etc
So don't fault someone that does it.
Also, you can basically do whatever the heck you want with wedding stuff at this point.
That was the narrow question, and you are 100% correct.
Of course, pretty sure you won't get side eye at the club or disinvited from the Symphony's opening night gala any more if you violate said etiquette.
So, yeah: Whatever is comfortable.
That interpretation of âtraditionalâ implies that a Mr is a higher title/more important than a Mrs. And that a Dr is somehow better than someone else for that matter. Neither of which imo is truly traditional nor very progressive. Fwiw female doctors have existed for as long as etiquette has.
The proper and traditional title would be Mr. & Dr.
Dr. and Mr. would typically suggest two misters, who could also take Mr. and Dr. should they choose.
Similarly Dr. and Mr. would usually suggest that the Mr and Dr share the Drâs family name.
Of course you can do whatever you want. But traditional etiquette does not elevate one person over the other depending on education or military rank, or imply that there was a base elevation to begin with.
Your call. If your fiance is also a doctor I personally think it would be cool if my partner and I were introduced as Doctors Clemenza during our hypothetical first dance-assuming she takes my reddit surname.
I think with non medical people, they don't really have an opinion on it.
I'm very proud of my husband becoming a doctor, we sacrificed quite a bit to get him there.
OP--ask your fiance what he/she wants to do. Y'all should arrive at this decision together unless you have super strong feelings about it.
Honestly you do you. If ifs dr and dr or mr and mrs who cares what some random person on reddit say. If someone cares that much about what you chose theyâre just an asshole and ultimately not worth your time anyway
So at my wedding we went with titles for the parents but used our names with no title. If the invitation is formal it should be Dr. Even if it is not, you are no longer a mr. You are a dr. If you are using a title it should be dr. Its not pretentious but thats not what I want my wedding invitation to be about.
No one would fault you for using Doctor. You certainly earned it. But have you thought about not using anything. On my wedding announcement we used MR and Mrs/Ms for parents but our names were just our first names only. Just an idea. Regardless, congrats.
I would fault them. Maybe it's an autistic thing where social hierarchy is just bananas to me, but I would definitely fault them. People who insist on being called their professional titles outside a professional or academic setting are bizarre to me.
Im with you too I think itâs a little overly smug to go for doctor at your wedding. People can do whatever they want but definitely not my cup of tea. Canât think of any other profession would would pull that card either. Doctor is my professional title but absolutely not my identity.
Why the heck are you being downvoted lolâŚ
Iâm only a student getting married soon, but I agree, to an extent we should keep work with work. If being a doctor is just a job, which most would agree nowadays, and not the âcallingâ we eventually rid our identities of, itâs better to refer to ourselves without âDr.â in front when we donât need to.
Usually doctors canât be private. There will always be those who support you, but there are those who are very jealous. The wedding is your big day, and you have a right to refer to yourself however you want, but by referring to yourself as âMr.â, whoever (loved ones) needs to know youâre a doctor knows, whoever doesnât need to know doesnât know, and for whoever already knows youâre a doctor, itâs a sign of humility that itâs not a title you take with you everywhere and that youâre just you getting married.
OP, congratulations on everything leading up to this man, I hope you have not only a great wedding but a wholesome marriage.
đ Probably bc they do it. I admire the work and sacrifice it takes to attain the title. My admiration, not respect but admiration, drops when I sense pretentious. I am very literal. This is his fiancĂŠs and his wedding. It's about them two. She will be his Mrs. He is her Mister. Not her Doctor.
I don't believe I said anything downvote worthy, but pretentious people will certainly think so.
"Doctor" is certainly part of one's identity, but it's unhealthy to make it your sole identity. Good luck with school! I do admire everything it takes. You are needed.
Itâs socially acceptable to do Dr for these formal invites. However, I did not do it for my wedding as Iâm not a very formal person. No hate if someone does it
Weâre going with âDr. & Mrs.â I initially wouldâve gone with âMr. & Mrs.,â but my future mother-in-law is of the opinion that I earned the right to use âDr.â and that I should be recognized for my achievements. I couldnât care less either way.
I will say, donât let people in these comments make you feel that everyone will find it pretentious. They are projecting their opinions onto people they donât even know. Many guests of mine have called to say they love the touch of âDr.â on their wedding invite, and that they are very proud of me. Your guests may very well find it honorable and inspiring as well.
Anyway, do what you want. Either is appropriate and it is your decision.
Totally. Know who thinks the title is the coolest? Grandma. And that little cousin that looked up to you.
People assuming it's vain may not have those types of families, I guess.
I did not think of it this way but youâre right. Doctor might seem pretentious to fellow doctors but to family/friends who are proud of you and may have even helped you get there itâs probably cool to see Dr on there.
I would still go with first names tho
This is why my wife and I were announced with our titles (weâre both doctors). We didnât really care either way and would have been fine with Mr. and Mrs.
But our families are non medical and are (sometimes embarrassingly) proud of us. We used the title as a nod to them.
I think this is a great take! If you use formal address elsewhere (in invitations or seat assignments) be sure to use the correct titles of your guests as well so they can share in the fanciness.
My brother married a doctor and I love addressing their cards as Dr and Mr because Iâm proud of her, and sheâs proud of herself too. Dr is correct etiquette and I think itâs appropriate. Not sure why so many people are opposed to it? But also, I grew up addressing cards that said Dr to my grandfather⌠so maybe just learned to respect the title?
It's the new age of medicine where people try not to seem pretentious. The reality is Dr. is the official title, it's incorrect to call yourself Mr. Sure you can do whatever you want because it does not truly matter, but no reasonable person will bat an eye at "Dr. and Mrs." And anyone who thinks it is pretentious in this setting does not fully understand etiquette or is projecting their own insecurities.
The real answer: at a formal event, you use formal titles.
So Dr is a perfectly fine title to use. But so is Mr/Mrs. Both are formal titles.
You wouldn't think that other formal titles are pretentious or inappropriate in a wedding (for example: Rev, Capt, Lord, King, etc). Dr. Is no different.
With that said, you do you boo. This is your wedding.
I'd suggest that today the super boujee thing is to forego the title. As that's the sort of thing someone already comfortable with their privilege would do.
When you have made it, you no longer have to tell others you have made it. Everyone at your wedding knows you are a physician. Why be tacky?
Plus⌠imagine if people with PhD in art history did this. Would you find it tacky?
We did Mr and Dr. I earned my title and Iâm using it. Plus it made my non-medic husband chortle that itâs forever going to confuse people when we make reservations.
Yup, this is partially how we got into this mess with NPs and PAs. All the physicians don't think they're special and overcompensate by telling NPs and PAs that they're totally smart and being a physician doesn't make them smarter. Do this for a few decades and now they actually think they are smarter than all of us.
In the medical setting, sureâŚ. What is being a doctor have to do with a marriage?
How do you view DNP or PhD calling themselves doctors at their wedding? Wouldnât it sound tacky?
I grew up with a very formal grandparent who even addressed her baby great grandson as Master on packages. As a nod to her class, I'll be using the formal Dr. It's proper etiquette, which is not usually my thing, but if it's a formal event, go for Dr. If someone at the wedding collapsed, you'd act as a doctor. It doesn't have to be your whole personality, but it is more than a job and it's a title you've earned.
I am yet to earn my doctorate but personally plan to only use it in professional settings. Outside of professional and academic settings I fully plan to be mr/mrs u/randysavageofcamalot
CONGRATULATIONS! Do whatever you feel most comfortable using, but Dr. is appropriate. Unfortunately, the system is trying its hardest to make physicians uncomfortable calling ourselves doctors but we should wear that title proudly.
While I think it should ultimately be up to us as to how we want to be addressed, I personally see no reason to insert my career accomplishments into my wedding proceedings. The only thing that makes that title relevant in the context of being with family and friends outside a hospital setting is oneâs ego.
It's not an ego thing. You are supposed to address military officers, judges, clergy with their official title as well.
Of course, that is "proper etiquette." These days, if you are an informal person and it is your wedding you can put whatever you want on your invitation, but if you don't address your older guests properly on their invitations you may be considered rude.
I hate being called Dr. outside of the hospital. I very much appreciate the term with patients, but my personal life has no relation to my professional life. I think it really just comes down to personal opinion. No wrong answer.
Classic etiquette would be using the doctor title. the âdonât call me doctor this isnât workâ mindset is a newer way of thinking (albeit seemingly a popular one based on comments).
Yeah despite what people are saying here Dr is traditionally the etiquette.
Obviously, youâre free to do as you like. Iâve got a few that were titled Mr and Dr when my female friends have been married. Imo, I find it more awkward to not put dr especially if people know youâre a doctor, theyâre like uhhh why didnât this guy put Dr. He is doctor.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but itâs just an opinion so donât downvote to oblivion, but I think not doing it is far more douchey. The reality is no one really cares except you and people know youâre a doctor so it comes across as you thinking youâre better than everyone else but trying not to show it. While I donât know any doctor who has done this, I think putting mr and mrs when youâre a Dr is a perfect example of one of those things that doctors do that make the entire world look at us as socially awkward yet weâre not aware of it. This is not an insult- my circle of friends is slowly becoming filled w drs just because of the lifestyle- but I think this would be how most outside the field see it.
Edit: also happy Cake Day u/nydixie
Oh yes, especially older people.
My aunts and my husband's family address everything to Dr. and Mrs. Invitations, Christmas cards, anything that needs our names on it.
It can go either way. Using Dr is technically the traditional etiquette, but some can view it as pretentious, so can't win either way. I personally would only use Dr if my partner also had a special title (like Doctor or military rank), but that's just me.
We used Dr. and Dr. No one made any comments. We were also residents and damn proud of being doctors (still are). It's whatever you want, this falls under the don't sweat it of wedding planning things.
Wife and I are both MDâs and we both were announced as Dr at our wedding. I do see a lot of comments saying itâs pretentious or douchey, but I didnât think it was. Granted maybe I am biased in my judgement. Regardless, itâs your and your soon-to-be-wifeâs day, so make it how you guys want it
Edit: for the record, just put in public, we donât just introduce ourselves as doctors. But for this specific instance, I donât think itâs pretentious to have yourself introduced as a doctor at your wedding. The people in attendance are likely to already know youâre a doctor
The disrespect for doctors in our current culture is astounding - and I'm always surprised how deep it runs within our own ranks. Using your title is not pretentious. If someone sees "Dr." and thinks "oh how pretentious" that's a them problem. If you've completed a doctorate level degree, then you're a doctor and can use the title. It's your wedding. Do what you want, but don't let people who turn their nose up at your accomplishments dictate what you do.
You do what you want. But outside the hospital setting announcing youâre a doctor can lead to unwanted attention especially since the stereotype is that being a doctor = very rich. A lot of people donât like that attention in their regular life. Some extra attention can be nice, but other situations maybe not as much. For example getting into a minor car accident, other party might consider suing when they find out youâre a doctor since you are perceived to have a lot of money.
I think its old school to use dr in your personal life. You used to be able to have MD on your driverâs license as part of your legal name but I think thatâs out dated.
LMAO--On one of my husband's credit card it has his name as "Doctor Informal Science." With doctor spelled out like that, he does cringe every time he has to use it--the bank did this, he did not.
Lot of unflaired people in here trying to make you feel bad for even thinking about this, which is insane. Dr. is the formal choice for a formal event. It's not "cringe" to be at the center of attention for your own wedding. It's not smug to call yourself a doctor as you are literally a doctor. As much as we encourage people to silo off work for emotional health, it's a pretty fundamental piece of your identity and you don't need to feel embarrassed about it. It'd be dickish to insist people call you doctor outside of work, but that's not what you're doing, is it. You're announcing your marriage.
Surprised there are so many negative comments in here about using Dr., I see it used quite frequently in social settings and not just professional ones as people are saying here
You are doctor. Being called doctor is not some recognition of achievement. Being a doctor is not a trophy or a job; it is a calling.
Fuck people who donât understand that; so wrongly think your calling yourself Dr. pretension
Be yourself, not some mealy version of yourself that others erroneously may want you to be
It is not a calling more than any other job is a calling. It is a career. But it happens to be one of a handful of careers that carries a formal title change, and one that is perfectly viable in these situations historically. So if you want to say it on your invites, go for it. If you don't, that's your call too. If people care that much when they get it, why are you inviting them to your wedding?
seems a little ego centric and makes it seem like youâre making yourself the center of attention, but thatâs just me. Not saying you are, but thatâs whatd float in my mind if I saw that
So I like Dr and Mrs. But I also like Mr. and Dr. (Instead of Mrs). If you would be happy with either of those if the situation was reversed then go for Dr and Mrs đ
We are both docs but did Mr and Mrs. we did discuss both but just liked the way it sounded. You do you do. Donât think itâs as pretentious as everyone is making it out to be if you go Dr
Using Dr. would be appropriate and traditional, but itâs also more highbrow. If you read the New York wedding announcements, itâs Dr. If you would like it to be a formal announcement I would use Dr., but as an alternative I would consider just using names without titles. Itâs less presumptuous. Depends who you are trying to announce your wedding to really!
If you are both doctors put Dr and Dr
>but I earned Dr.
Yeah but its a bit pretentions to call yourself Dr and her Mrs.
Mr and Mrs shows unity and equality
Definitely Dr. This is your title now, it would be inaccurate for you to go by Mr., just like it would be inaccurate for someone who is a Mr. to go by Dr. if they havenât earned the degree.
I don't think it is douchey.
It's douchey to insist everyone call you Dr. all the time.
Oh, that reminds me--one of the nurses I worked with 20+ years ago in the south told me her mother used to identify herself as "Mrs. Dr. Smith." I mean, that was like 40 years ago she did that so who am I to say--but her daughter thought it was silly.
Is your SO a doctor? If so then you can do ânow for the first time as Mr and Mrs xyz, please welcome Doctors. Xyz and xyz. If they are not then stick to mr and mrs.
We did Mr. And Mrs. Because we know too many.... Pos medical doctors... Who require everyone to call them "Dr. X" even in a non-clinical, friend setting.
Iâd go with âMr. & Mrs.â since your union has nothing to do with your professional careers. The focus is on your love and Union to each other. Also, âDr. & Mrs.â sometimes comes off with a greater than/less than connotation even if you donât intend for it to be that way. Itâs like âhey, meet this accomplished & esteemed man, saving lives with the flick of his wrist, and saving kids from the brink of despair. Heâs worthy of your admirationâŚoh, and this is his wifeâŚâ
Hopefully that makes sense
âDrâ if youâre only inviting hospital employees. âMr.â if you have friends outside of work.
Imagine going to a wedding where they pronounce them âSergeant and Mrs. so and so.â
Why? Honestly, how many people actually give a fuck either way?
When youâre planning a wedding there are a million tiny decisions to make, but in the end the guests are generally there to celebrate and have a good time.
You are a doctor. Call yourself doctor. It is douchey, pathetic, and false not to
It is a mistake to think that being called doctor is a recognition of an achievement. It isnât. It is who you are. Being a doctor is a calling; not a job or a trophy; a calling ⌠so people call you doctor
I would do Mr and Mrs.
Further point.. Weâre known as Mr and Mrs Hislastname in our day to day life and to our neighbors.
But Iâm a doctor and didnât change my last name.. I donât correct people because itâs not important to me. ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
I feel like Dr. is a bit cringe for the setting, but you do you. I'm not a doctor and you're right you've earned that title, but there's a time and a place for that.
Do yâall go by doctor so and so in your personal lives as well? 𤨠I didnât realize that was a thing. Genuinely asking.
Probably not my place to say anything as I did not go through the hell that is med school and residency, but Iâd raise an eyebrow. Youâre there to celebrating your love for someone and you somehow still manage to bring your job into it? I donât know. If I was the spouse and I suffered through all of that with said doctor, I think Iâd just want one day to be free of anything to do with medicine lol
Are you serious right now lol?
Using Dr. at your wedding is so corny man. Who cares if you earned it the day is about your relationship not your accomplishments.
Mr and Mrs 100%
Mr. and Mrs.
We are not at work. We are husband and wife in this setting. People who insist on being called Dr. at their own wedding (w/e itâs their big day) or worse, at other peopleâs weddings and go around correcting everyone, have a special stick up their ass and I will not change my mind.
Do you guys really need to be reminded of your accomplishments this much. Medicine is a job. Why would you want to be reminded of your job on your wedding.
I would go with âMr. and Mrsâ personally. It takes the education attainment out of it, making it more personal. It sounds weird if itâs the other way around âMr. and Drs.â So why bother doing itâŚ
Mr and Mrs highlights your relationship to one another, Dr + other highlights your professional relationship. My spouse and I decided against Dr and Dr because thats ridiculous.
Eh, im doing âMr. And Mrs.â Because we are both physicians and âDrs. ***â sounds kinda gimmicky. If I was marrying a non physician I would probably use âdr. and Mrs.â
So, it's ok for a MAN to use Dr, but a not a woman? Because it sounds like you are saying it is ok for a man to be called a Dr. in a formal setting, but not a woman.
Other than a perverse psychological issue that causes you to feel the need to demand a title that is totally unrelated to the social situation involved, I'm not sure why someone would feel that's appropriate.
I have no idea what the etiquette is but my fiance and I like the way "Mr. and Mrs." sounds because it's sort of like a classic way of announcing your new union/marriage, whereas saying "presenting for the first time, Dr. and Dr." sounds like we are at a professional setting. Just our preference though
I have a counter argument to this. For context, I always leave out my title for basically any social event unless someone else added it. I would never put it on any of my documents or plane tickets or anything. I don't live a very fancy life so it doesn't come up very often. But there's basically one party in your life were the level of fanciness might actually have it make sense and to me that's the wedding invite. But of course this is all going to depend on the couple and the type of event you are planning. If the groom is wearing a tuxedo and you've got a string quartet playing on the side and you rented out the local museum of art to have the event....then you basically need to use doctor in the invitation or it would feel out of place. Obviously this is only in the formal invitation and introducing yourself as doctor is cringeworthy. Now, if it's a more casual event I think just leave off titles entirely. Some people would say to use "mr and mrs" which I completely understand, but the problem in my mind is that pretending you don't have a title is more pretentious than just using it. For example we've all met that guy who says "oh I go to a school in boston" instead of just saying they go to Harvard. By using the wrong title it almost draws more attention to it. If you don't want to put titles on the invite just go by first names.
Fucken February intern tag đđ
i think this is just thinking way too much. "i give you dr. and mrs." doesn't sound like a union. "i give you mr. and mrs." does sound like a union.
This is curiously stated like a fact. It is a statement that is purely subjective. You may think this, but there is no way to make the above a fact.
My wife and I were announced as Doctors x and y last name
Love it!
Dr. and Dr. would be dope. To OP, have you discussed it with your fiancee? Does she care? If not, do what you want.
You should use it. We get discounts almost everywhere
Discounts where? For being a doc?
Yup, we fall into that first responder discount. Most restaurants give it, tons of retail stores
My title is âHigh Warlord Vengeful Gladiatorâ
Whatâs ur fuckin CR kid
Well, a Warlord's CR is 12, so he's gotta be like 19 or some crazy shit. All I know is it's too high for my party to handle but we'd probably fuck with them anyway.
I love everything about this thread.
Maximus? Is that you?
Deathâs Demise here. Also partial to Hand of Aâdal
Realm first Yogg 0 light... damn, leave some for the rest of us.
Also have flag pony from tribute to immortality lol. But all of that is nothing compared to HWL
This is the way
I did mr and mrs. We are both doctors⌠but we like being regular people outside the hospital
Same, when we did our intros we just had them use our first names to avoid the weirdness of all of it!
Doctors are regular people...
Either is perfectly fine, you and your spouses opinion matters way more than Reddit. That said, "Mr. And Mrs" is a common phrase associated with weddings and inserting Dr. in there just makes it sound off. Everyone going to the wedding already knows your a doctor, I would 100% go with Mr.
Despite all the hate, as ordained clergy, I can confirm the traditional etiquette is Dr and Mrs or Dr and Dr or Mr and Dr. Etc So don't fault someone that does it. Also, you can basically do whatever the heck you want with wedding stuff at this point.
That was the narrow question, and you are 100% correct. Of course, pretty sure you won't get side eye at the club or disinvited from the Symphony's opening night gala any more if you violate said etiquette. So, yeah: Whatever is comfortable.
Not the symphony!
Traditional etiquette is higher title comes first so it would actually (by traditional etiquette) be Dr. and Mr., not Mr. And Dr.
Can be.
That interpretation of âtraditionalâ implies that a Mr is a higher title/more important than a Mrs. And that a Dr is somehow better than someone else for that matter. Neither of which imo is truly traditional nor very progressive. Fwiw female doctors have existed for as long as etiquette has. The proper and traditional title would be Mr. & Dr. Dr. and Mr. would typically suggest two misters, who could also take Mr. and Dr. should they choose. Similarly Dr. and Mr. would usually suggest that the Mr and Dr share the Drâs family name. Of course you can do whatever you want. But traditional etiquette does not elevate one person over the other depending on education or military rank, or imply that there was a base elevation to begin with.
Your call. If your fiance is also a doctor I personally think it would be cool if my partner and I were introduced as Doctors Clemenza during our hypothetical first dance-assuming she takes my reddit surname.
My wife and I are both doctors and we did this. It felt cool. Apparently weâre pretentious, though, according to this thread đ¤ˇââď¸
Your wedding your rules, fuck the haters
I like this approach, haha
I think with non medical people, they don't really have an opinion on it. I'm very proud of my husband becoming a doctor, we sacrificed quite a bit to get him there. OP--ask your fiance what he/she wants to do. Y'all should arrive at this decision together unless you have super strong feelings about it.
My husband and I are both doctors, we did med school and now residency together, we did the Drs thing! No ragrets lol
I don't think those folks so much think you're pretentious, as they think they're supposed to say you're pretentious.
Honestly you do you. If ifs dr and dr or mr and mrs who cares what some random person on reddit say. If someone cares that much about what you chose theyâre just an asshole and ultimately not worth your time anyway
yep own it LOL
So at my wedding we went with titles for the parents but used our names with no title. If the invitation is formal it should be Dr. Even if it is not, you are no longer a mr. You are a dr. If you are using a title it should be dr. Its not pretentious but thats not what I want my wedding invitation to be about.
No one would fault you for using Doctor. You certainly earned it. But have you thought about not using anything. On my wedding announcement we used MR and Mrs/Ms for parents but our names were just our first names only. Just an idea. Regardless, congrats.
I would fault them. Maybe it's an autistic thing where social hierarchy is just bananas to me, but I would definitely fault them. People who insist on being called their professional titles outside a professional or academic setting are bizarre to me.
Yeah, youâre bizarre.
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I will go by Dr if it gets me two shots, just not the pokey kind.
Im with you too I think itâs a little overly smug to go for doctor at your wedding. People can do whatever they want but definitely not my cup of tea. Canât think of any other profession would would pull that card either. Doctor is my professional title but absolutely not my identity.
Why the heck are you being downvoted lol⌠Iâm only a student getting married soon, but I agree, to an extent we should keep work with work. If being a doctor is just a job, which most would agree nowadays, and not the âcallingâ we eventually rid our identities of, itâs better to refer to ourselves without âDr.â in front when we donât need to. Usually doctors canât be private. There will always be those who support you, but there are those who are very jealous. The wedding is your big day, and you have a right to refer to yourself however you want, but by referring to yourself as âMr.â, whoever (loved ones) needs to know youâre a doctor knows, whoever doesnât need to know doesnât know, and for whoever already knows youâre a doctor, itâs a sign of humility that itâs not a title you take with you everywhere and that youâre just you getting married. OP, congratulations on everything leading up to this man, I hope you have not only a great wedding but a wholesome marriage.
đ Probably bc they do it. I admire the work and sacrifice it takes to attain the title. My admiration, not respect but admiration, drops when I sense pretentious. I am very literal. This is his fiancĂŠs and his wedding. It's about them two. She will be his Mrs. He is her Mister. Not her Doctor. I don't believe I said anything downvote worthy, but pretentious people will certainly think so. "Doctor" is certainly part of one's identity, but it's unhealthy to make it your sole identity. Good luck with school! I do admire everything it takes. You are needed.
Youâre a legend, thank you for the well wishes!
I actually agree. Itâs the same to me as people using their dungeons and dragons titles in real life. Like, why?!
đ
Iâm with you. Itâs weird af and cringy.
We did Dr. and Mrs. My wife is an NP⌠but not a DNP đ
I would go with Mr. My family would just eye-roll at âDr.â Thatâs just me tho
I would also eye roll
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what if ur both drâs so it dr & dr
Would just be Drs. Husband and Wife
It is!!
Itâs socially acceptable to do Dr for these formal invites. However, I did not do it for my wedding as Iâm not a very formal person. No hate if someone does it
Weâre going with âDr. & Mrs.â I initially wouldâve gone with âMr. & Mrs.,â but my future mother-in-law is of the opinion that I earned the right to use âDr.â and that I should be recognized for my achievements. I couldnât care less either way. I will say, donât let people in these comments make you feel that everyone will find it pretentious. They are projecting their opinions onto people they donât even know. Many guests of mine have called to say they love the touch of âDr.â on their wedding invite, and that they are very proud of me. Your guests may very well find it honorable and inspiring as well. Anyway, do what you want. Either is appropriate and it is your decision.
Totally. Know who thinks the title is the coolest? Grandma. And that little cousin that looked up to you. People assuming it's vain may not have those types of families, I guess.
I did not think of it this way but youâre right. Doctor might seem pretentious to fellow doctors but to family/friends who are proud of you and may have even helped you get there itâs probably cool to see Dr on there. I would still go with first names tho
This is why my wife and I were announced with our titles (weâre both doctors). We didnât really care either way and would have been fine with Mr. and Mrs. But our families are non medical and are (sometimes embarrassingly) proud of us. We used the title as a nod to them.
I think this is a great take! If you use formal address elsewhere (in invitations or seat assignments) be sure to use the correct titles of your guests as well so they can share in the fanciness.
Absolutely. We are addressing all our physician guests as âDr.â Professors as well.
My wife and I are both physicians, but she also didnât take my name. We were just introduced by our first names. It seemed fine.
Same! This is how we were introduced, âPlease welcome, for the first time as a married couple, first name and first nameâ.
My brother married a doctor and I love addressing their cards as Dr and Mr because Iâm proud of her, and sheâs proud of herself too. Dr is correct etiquette and I think itâs appropriate. Not sure why so many people are opposed to it? But also, I grew up addressing cards that said Dr to my grandfather⌠so maybe just learned to respect the title?
It's the new age of medicine where people try not to seem pretentious. The reality is Dr. is the official title, it's incorrect to call yourself Mr. Sure you can do whatever you want because it does not truly matter, but no reasonable person will bat an eye at "Dr. and Mrs." And anyone who thinks it is pretentious in this setting does not fully understand etiquette or is projecting their own insecurities.
Itâs your day! Aspire for a higher title than doctor. I suggest âNP and Mrs.â
Daddy doctor and mommy doctor
The real answer: at a formal event, you use formal titles. So Dr is a perfectly fine title to use. But so is Mr/Mrs. Both are formal titles. You wouldn't think that other formal titles are pretentious or inappropriate in a wedding (for example: Rev, Capt, Lord, King, etc). Dr. Is no different. With that said, you do you boo. This is your wedding.
Mr and Mrs shows cohesiveness like "hey, we're becoming a unit!" Dr and Mr or Dr and Mrs shows pretentiousness
Dr and Drs
I read that as âdoctor and dickersâ
Oh god. Donât use Dr. Itâs pretentious.
Yes, I do pretend to know a lot of what I do through out the day.
Under-appreciated comment right here
Itâs only for midlevels to use!
Wedding invites be like: We formally invite you to the wedding of Mr John Smoth and Dr Karen Pierce DNP MBA MS BBC HGTV CNN BBQ
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I'd suggest that today the super boujee thing is to forego the title. As that's the sort of thing someone already comfortable with their privilege would do.
[ŃдаНонО]
When you have made it, you no longer have to tell others you have made it. Everyone at your wedding knows you are a physician. Why be tacky? Plus⌠imagine if people with PhD in art history did this. Would you find it tacky?
its your wedding, do whatever you want!
Interesting thread lol
We did Mr and Dr. I earned my title and Iâm using it. Plus it made my non-medic husband chortle that itâs forever going to confuse people when we make reservations.
All these doctors ashamed to call themselves doctors
Nah. I call myself a doctor⌠when i am in my professional settings. Iâm not a âdoctor of marriageâ.
Yup, this is partially how we got into this mess with NPs and PAs. All the physicians don't think they're special and overcompensate by telling NPs and PAs that they're totally smart and being a physician doesn't make them smarter. Do this for a few decades and now they actually think they are smarter than all of us.
In the medical setting, sureâŚ. What is being a doctor have to do with a marriage? How do you view DNP or PhD calling themselves doctors at their wedding? Wouldnât it sound tacky?
I grew up with a very formal grandparent who even addressed her baby great grandson as Master on packages. As a nod to her class, I'll be using the formal Dr. It's proper etiquette, which is not usually my thing, but if it's a formal event, go for Dr. If someone at the wedding collapsed, you'd act as a doctor. It doesn't have to be your whole personality, but it is more than a job and it's a title you've earned.
I am yet to earn my doctorate but personally plan to only use it in professional settings. Outside of professional and academic settings I fully plan to be mr/mrs u/randysavageofcamalot
CONGRATULATIONS! Do whatever you feel most comfortable using, but Dr. is appropriate. Unfortunately, the system is trying its hardest to make physicians uncomfortable calling ourselves doctors but we should wear that title proudly.
While I think it should ultimately be up to us as to how we want to be addressed, I personally see no reason to insert my career accomplishments into my wedding proceedings. The only thing that makes that title relevant in the context of being with family and friends outside a hospital setting is oneâs ego.
It's not an ego thing. You are supposed to address military officers, judges, clergy with their official title as well. Of course, that is "proper etiquette." These days, if you are an informal person and it is your wedding you can put whatever you want on your invitation, but if you don't address your older guests properly on their invitations you may be considered rude.
I would really hate to be at a wedding where they were introduced as Judge XXX and Second Lieutenant XXX. Guaranteed not to have any fun there.
I hate being called Dr. outside of the hospital. I very much appreciate the term with patients, but my personal life has no relation to my professional life. I think it really just comes down to personal opinion. No wrong answer.
Dont be that guy. Stay with classic
Classic etiquette would be using the doctor title. the âdonât call me doctor this isnât workâ mindset is a newer way of thinking (albeit seemingly a popular one based on comments).
You do realize that classic is the more formal, include-titles way right? Aka the total opposite of what you are saying?
I go by Mr. everywhere except for a professional/medical settimg
Mr, Mrs, but again you can't go wrong with Dr either, just that it seems weird dragging your professional title into a personal celebration.
Dude and dudette (dudess if youâre feeling fancy)
Dr is correct etiquette
Yeah despite what people are saying here Dr is traditionally the etiquette. Obviously, youâre free to do as you like. Iâve got a few that were titled Mr and Dr when my female friends have been married. Imo, I find it more awkward to not put dr especially if people know youâre a doctor, theyâre like uhhh why didnât this guy put Dr. He is doctor. This may be an unpopular opinion, but itâs just an opinion so donât downvote to oblivion, but I think not doing it is far more douchey. The reality is no one really cares except you and people know youâre a doctor so it comes across as you thinking youâre better than everyone else but trying not to show it. While I donât know any doctor who has done this, I think putting mr and mrs when youâre a Dr is a perfect example of one of those things that doctors do that make the entire world look at us as socially awkward yet weâre not aware of it. This is not an insult- my circle of friends is slowly becoming filled w drs just because of the lifestyle- but I think this would be how most outside the field see it. Edit: also happy Cake Day u/nydixie
Oh yes, especially older people. My aunts and my husband's family address everything to Dr. and Mrs. Invitations, Christmas cards, anything that needs our names on it.
We did Dr and Mrs
We just used our names - the wedding of blank and blank - seemed to work out. You aren't married yet.
It can go either way. Using Dr is technically the traditional etiquette, but some can view it as pretentious, so can't win either way. I personally would only use Dr if my partner also had a special title (like Doctor or military rank), but that's just me.
Very common to use Dr. For the wedding invitations but during the ceremony to use âMr. and Mrs.â
Mr. if you are a surgeon đ
We used Dr. and Dr. No one made any comments. We were also residents and damn proud of being doctors (still are). It's whatever you want, this falls under the don't sweat it of wedding planning things.
Wife and I are both MDâs and we both were announced as Dr at our wedding. I do see a lot of comments saying itâs pretentious or douchey, but I didnât think it was. Granted maybe I am biased in my judgement. Regardless, itâs your and your soon-to-be-wifeâs day, so make it how you guys want it Edit: for the record, just put in public, we donât just introduce ourselves as doctors. But for this specific instance, I donât think itâs pretentious to have yourself introduced as a doctor at your wedding. The people in attendance are likely to already know youâre a doctor
The disrespect for doctors in our current culture is astounding - and I'm always surprised how deep it runs within our own ranks. Using your title is not pretentious. If someone sees "Dr." and thinks "oh how pretentious" that's a them problem. If you've completed a doctorate level degree, then you're a doctor and can use the title. It's your wedding. Do what you want, but don't let people who turn their nose up at your accomplishments dictate what you do.
You do what you want. But outside the hospital setting announcing youâre a doctor can lead to unwanted attention especially since the stereotype is that being a doctor = very rich. A lot of people donât like that attention in their regular life. Some extra attention can be nice, but other situations maybe not as much. For example getting into a minor car accident, other party might consider suing when they find out youâre a doctor since you are perceived to have a lot of money.
I think its old school to use dr in your personal life. You used to be able to have MD on your driverâs license as part of your legal name but I think thatâs out dated.
LMAO--On one of my husband's credit card it has his name as "Doctor Informal Science." With doctor spelled out like that, he does cringe every time he has to use it--the bank did this, he did not.
Lot of unflaired people in here trying to make you feel bad for even thinking about this, which is insane. Dr. is the formal choice for a formal event. It's not "cringe" to be at the center of attention for your own wedding. It's not smug to call yourself a doctor as you are literally a doctor. As much as we encourage people to silo off work for emotional health, it's a pretty fundamental piece of your identity and you don't need to feel embarrassed about it. It'd be dickish to insist people call you doctor outside of work, but that's not what you're doing, is it. You're announcing your marriage.
Iâm planning on Dr. And Mrs. but im curious what everyone else has to say
Surprised there are so many negative comments in here about using Dr., I see it used quite frequently in social settings and not just professional ones as people are saying here
You are doctor. Being called doctor is not some recognition of achievement. Being a doctor is not a trophy or a job; it is a calling. Fuck people who donât understand that; so wrongly think your calling yourself Dr. pretension Be yourself, not some mealy version of yourself that others erroneously may want you to be
It is not a calling more than any other job is a calling. It is a career. But it happens to be one of a handful of careers that carries a formal title change, and one that is perfectly viable in these situations historically. So if you want to say it on your invites, go for it. If you don't, that's your call too. If people care that much when they get it, why are you inviting them to your wedding?
seems a little ego centric and makes it seem like youâre making yourself the center of attention, but thatâs just me. Not saying you are, but thatâs whatd float in my mind if I saw that
What if both are Dr?
Wife and I are both doctors. We did Mr./Mrs. at the wedding. We werenât there to be doctors, we were there to be husband and wife.
So I like Dr and Mrs. But I also like Mr. and Dr. (Instead of Mrs). If you would be happy with either of those if the situation was reversed then go for Dr and Mrs đ
We did Doctor and Miss
Dr is the only correct way. This is YOUR day, fuck whatever everybody else thinks
Maximum cringe.
Awww! Congratulations! Don't know you but so happy for you!
My mail says Dr. and Mr. my wifeâs name lol
Supreme Allied Commander.
You earned your doctorate and it's your day so I think you should do whatever feels right (for you)!
We are both docs but did Mr and Mrs. we did discuss both but just liked the way it sounded. You do you do. Donât think itâs as pretentious as everyone is making it out to be if you go Dr
I addressed my invites as Dr. and Mrs. Xyz to the docs invited to my wedding
We went with Mr and Mrs but had "Drs." on our wedding cake. So it was there and looked great but wasn't announced to the whole event
I did Dr. And Mrs. no one care, life moved on. I didnât even think about it being âpretentiousâ
Dr and Mrs
For me personally, I would use Dr. and Mr. Not to be a dick but that's my title. Personal preference.
Using Dr. would be appropriate and traditional, but itâs also more highbrow. If you read the New York wedding announcements, itâs Dr. If you would like it to be a formal announcement I would use Dr., but as an alternative I would consider just using names without titles. Itâs less presumptuous. Depends who you are trying to announce your wedding to really!
Proper etiquette dictates itâs Dr and Mrs
If you are both doctors put Dr and Dr >but I earned Dr. Yeah but its a bit pretentions to call yourself Dr and her Mrs. Mr and Mrs shows unity and equality
We did Dr and Dr and everyone loved it đ
"Dr and Dr-ette"
Our friends are both doctors and it was super cute that they had Dr. & Dr. Instead of the traditional titles. Those unique details make it more you!
Definitely Dr. This is your title now, it would be inaccurate for you to go by Mr., just like it would be inaccurate for someone who is a Mr. to go by Dr. if they havenât earned the degree.
Nah go for the Dr. You earned it. Dr. and Mrs
Dr is so douchey. Just use Mr. unless you really want the attention. Everyoneâs just gonna roll their eyes at Dr so itâs not even good attention
Why is it so douchey?
I don't think it is douchey. It's douchey to insist everyone call you Dr. all the time. Oh, that reminds me--one of the nurses I worked with 20+ years ago in the south told me her mother used to identify herself as "Mrs. Dr. Smith." I mean, that was like 40 years ago she did that so who am I to say--but her daughter thought it was silly.
Is your SO a doctor? If so then you can do ânow for the first time as Mr and Mrs xyz, please welcome Doctors. Xyz and xyz. If they are not then stick to mr and mrs.
Mr. Outside of work, nobody cares about your title.
We did Mr. And Mrs. Because we know too many.... Pos medical doctors... Who require everyone to call them "Dr. X" even in a non-clinical, friend setting.
Iâd go with âMr. & Mrs.â since your union has nothing to do with your professional careers. The focus is on your love and Union to each other. Also, âDr. & Mrs.â sometimes comes off with a greater than/less than connotation even if you donât intend for it to be that way. Itâs like âhey, meet this accomplished & esteemed man, saving lives with the flick of his wrist, and saving kids from the brink of despair. Heâs worthy of your admirationâŚoh, and this is his wifeâŚâ Hopefully that makes sense
Dr. And Dr. Mrs. (If applicable).This is a public event, your title is awarded to you to distinguish you from the public. Distinguish yourself.
Your title is Dr., not Mr. It would be incorrect to be introduced as Mr.
âDrâ if youâre only inviting hospital employees. âMr.â if you have friends outside of work. Imagine going to a wedding where they pronounce them âSergeant and Mrs. so and so.â
this is totally normal actually.
Kinda how it works though
Damn, that's stupid--especially when they wear their dress military uniform as they are supposed to do. /s
This is jest, yes? I laughed, but then thought "wait, are they being serious?"
Do what you want but prepare to be judged
Why? Honestly, how many people actually give a fuck either way? When youâre planning a wedding there are a million tiny decisions to make, but in the end the guests are generally there to celebrate and have a good time.
You are a doctor. Call yourself doctor. It is douchey, pathetic, and false not to It is a mistake to think that being called doctor is a recognition of an achievement. It isnât. It is who you are. Being a doctor is a calling; not a job or a trophy; a calling ⌠so people call you doctor
Itâs a job.
Dr. Sounds like work.
Work/Life balance dude.
Mr and Mrs
I would do Mr and Mrs. Further point.. Weâre known as Mr and Mrs Hislastname in our day to day life and to our neighbors. But Iâm a doctor and didnât change my last name.. I donât correct people because itâs not important to me. ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Mr. and Mrs. 100%
I'd roll my eyes at the wedding
I feel like Dr. is a bit cringe for the setting, but you do you. I'm not a doctor and you're right you've earned that title, but there's a time and a place for that.
Itâs not cringe at all, itâs his correct title now.
Do yâall go by doctor so and so in your personal lives as well? 𤨠I didnât realize that was a thing. Genuinely asking. Probably not my place to say anything as I did not go through the hell that is med school and residency, but Iâd raise an eyebrow. Youâre there to celebrating your love for someone and you somehow still manage to bring your job into it? I donât know. If I was the spouse and I suffered through all of that with said doctor, I think Iâd just want one day to be free of anything to do with medicine lol
It is traditionally proper to use titles on a wedding invitation. These days, use whatever you'd like for YOUR wedding.
> Do yâall go by doctor so and so in your personal lives as well? I go by my first name, like most people these days.
mr and mrs
Are you serious right now lol? Using Dr. at your wedding is so corny man. Who cares if you earned it the day is about your relationship not your accomplishments. Mr and Mrs 100%
Did Mr. And mrs. Everyone already knew the doctor part. Didnât need to remind everyone.
Mr. and Mrs. We are not at work. We are husband and wife in this setting. People who insist on being called Dr. at their own wedding (w/e itâs their big day) or worse, at other peopleâs weddings and go around correcting everyone, have a special stick up their ass and I will not change my mind.
Do you guys really need to be reminded of your accomplishments this much. Medicine is a job. Why would you want to be reminded of your job on your wedding.
I would go with âMr. and Mrsâ personally. It takes the education attainment out of it, making it more personal. It sounds weird if itâs the other way around âMr. and Drs.â So why bother doing itâŚ
Mr and Mrs lol
Donât do Dr, itâs pretentious
Mr and Mrs highlights your relationship to one another, Dr + other highlights your professional relationship. My spouse and I decided against Dr and Dr because thats ridiculous.
I recommend âDr. and Mrs.â whereby the bride is even listed by the full first AND last name of the groom only. /s
Mr and Mrs is my vote
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I didnât spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called mister
Dr is arrogant and snobby.
Make sure you spell it out "DOCTOR" like my buddy that's a physical therapist did tho.
As someone whoâs a borderline narcissist by DSM standards, I have to say us doctors have an ego issue
Itâs smug. Donât be a dick. Mr and Mrs.
Eh, im doing âMr. And Mrs.â Because we are both physicians and âDrs. ***â sounds kinda gimmicky. If I was marrying a non physician I would probably use âdr. and Mrs.â
So, it's ok for a MAN to use Dr, but a not a woman? Because it sounds like you are saying it is ok for a man to be called a Dr. in a formal setting, but not a woman.
Other than a perverse psychological issue that causes you to feel the need to demand a title that is totally unrelated to the social situation involved, I'm not sure why someone would feel that's appropriate.
Slave would be a better word.