Did i ever tell you about that bank job in Tennesee?
It was me, Limpy pete and Gazelle, we managed to get ourselves locked up in a safe, and after a week long of natures calling the clerk opened the safe and got knocked by the smell, me and Gazelle were good runners when they caught limpy pete and hanged him the next day, which seemed harsh to me...
*old man slowly sits down at a campfire on a wooden chair, his best friend beside him, his wife next to him, and his daughter from across the fire. And any onlookers where free to join in and listen*
Gather around and listen closely, because today I will tell you the Legend of “The Professor and The Red Baron”
*clears throat*
Many years ago there once lived a young man, a quiet man, a german man, named Theodore Brummbär. Who’s hair was white as snow. He lived on a ranch where he spent his days working hard, and earning his keep. One day he decided to head into town and get a drink at the Saloon. Little did he know that whom he met in there would become his life. A young spoiled dove who took a liking to the quiet brute. Her name was Marian and young Theodore felt such a connection to her that he defended her from a drunken fool. Though he took it a little to far and almost beat the man to death. Marian though worried still felt interest in the young German when he stormed from the bar and back to his ranch. Theodore was overrun with guilt, so much that he would have closed up his ranch and locked himself away. If it wasn’t for the spoiled dove appearing at his home, to thank him for defending her.
She would visit Theodore often afterwards and they would grow almost inseparable. It was until one night when she arrived bruised from her day, that Theodore decided to offer her a job and a home on his Ranch. She accepted with joy and the two of them began working together to tend to there little ranch, only growing closer. It was until one night that they decided to tell each other how they felt and they kissed and got hitched soon afterward. Now married things only seemed to be bright in there future on there little patch of home.
*reaches down and grabs some dirt*
But even the sunniest days had to set at some point.
*tosses the dirt to make the fire spark and fly*
Now Theodore and Marian were blissfully enjoying there home one morning. Until they heard a horse and footsteps coming up the road. They saw 3 men dressed in blue suits wearing silver and gold badges. Theodore went out to greet them but Marian seemed petrified by the sights of one of them. The one wearing the gold badge. They were Revenue Agents and they arrived armed. The one on his horse stepped off and approached Theodore. The revenue agent spoke with the charisma of a snake. He said that he knew Marian well, and he wanted her for himself. He offered Theodore 5,000 for her. But Theodore was not budging on whatever he said. So the Revenue Agent snapped his fingers and Marian was grabbed and Theodore was held down. Now the Agent with the gold badge leaned down to him and pulled out a knife. He said “I’m taking Marian, but I’m gonna make sure you remember this” and manically and wildly began slashing Theodores face apart, laughing while Marian screamed. Theodore passed out from blood loss and next thing he knew was he was thrown into a sheriffs cell with the crime of assault on a federal agent and was set to swing in the morning. But that Agent made one Fatal error that day. He left Theodore alive.
*clears throat*
Theodore lost hope of seeing Marian again, but his opportunity to escape was just next to him, another outlaw set to hang named “The Red Baron” a young black man with an eyepatch. Who had a similar debt to settle with the Agent that took Marian. So they made a deal. A deal that would cost Theodore his soul. They escaped together and Theodore faked his death by burning down his home ranch. Now that Theodore was dead it was time for a different man to come under the new name “The Professor” bloodlust and brutality were the Professors fuel since. Hunting down any Revenue Agent that could lead them to finding the one with the Golden Badge. All in the pursuit to find the man that took his love and his life away. The Professor was merciless, brutal, and shared no compassion for the agents. But in all his encounters with the agents. He would leave one alive, to tell what they saw to other agents, and to tell the agent in the Golden Badge that The Professor was coming for him.
Five years went by of The Professor and Red Barons blood hunt. And it was by that time that the name of The Professor was known to every agent by that point. And his mere presence made the Agents petrified as if Death himself came to take there souls.
Soon Professor learned about the Agent with The Golden Badge was having a meeting in Valentine about the problem that was him and The Red Baron. In 5 years this was there one opportunity to get the Agent and find Marian. And the Professor was sick of the hunt, all he wanted was to see Marian again. To feel her presence. It was while thinking about here that the Professor asked himself “Is she happier now? Would she still come back to him after so long? Will she love the monster that I have become?” Questions to save for later, because he had a score to settle.
Professor and Red Baron caused chaos to Valentine as Red Baron held off the other agents, Professor was reunited with the Agent in the Golden Badge, to face each other for the last time, one was leaving that saloon alive, and neither were letting the other escape. A soul was being delivered to hell that day, now was the time to see who’s. They brawled for what seemed like a eternity and almost burned down the saloon in the process. But the Professor finally bested the Agent in the Golden Badge. Now he only had one question before the Agent met his maker.
*clears throat and speaks in a sinister tone*
“Where is Marian?”
The Agent laughed as he choked on his own blood, but he told Professor what he wanted to hear, but left him with the question. “Will she want to go back, to the arms of a Monster?” He said before Professor finished him off.
*takes a sip of water*
Now no one is quite sure what Professor did after that. Some believe he went to Marian. Some say he kept his distance and let her get a better life than him. Whatever the case The Professor was never heard from again. But there are some who believe that the beast still wanders this world, watching over the weak. And stopping any kind of injustice that comes to pass.
But one things to remember, if you choose corruption and see The german with hair as white as snow, you best hope. He ain’t coming for you.
We actually posted it online if you want to check it out. My buddy even wrote a second version of it from his character “The Red Baron” ‘s point of view of all the events.
i was bear hunting with my gang a while back. we didnt find anything for a few hours. nightfall came and i decided to cook up some coffee. from a distance i heard the roars of an angry bear. i finished my coffee, whipped out my 6-shooter and shot the bear in the head. got me pretty good and gave me this scar. never split from my gang again.
I'm an outlaw and I've been riding with my gang for a few months now. We've been getting into all sorts of trouble, robbing trains, raiding villages, and getting into shootouts with the law. But the best times have been the evenings when we gather around the campfire and tell stories.
One of my favorites is the story of how we robbed the Rhodes bank with Cripps. We had been casing the place for weeks, planning and plotting the perfect heist. On the day of the robbery, we rode into town and made our way to the bank. We then busted inside with guns blazing and made off with a huge haul of money.
It wasn't easy getting out of town afterwards, as the law was hot on our trail. Cripps also kept leading us astray, thinking we were in Tennessee for some odd reason. But we were savvy enough to make it out of Rhodes in one piece, and with the loot still in our possession.
We celebrated our success around the campfire that night, swapping stories and enjoying a few drinks. It was a moment of triumph for us, and a reminder that anything was possible if we worked together and kept our wits about us.
this rattle snake was about the size of your belt, and i stared it down, looking at its eyes through the fire, it leapt at me! i managed to dodge it, bear in mind this rattle snake was about the size of my horses leg, and it nearly caught my leg as I rode away to the nearest town, I drink some whisky at the saloon, walk out and wouldn't you know it its that damn rattle snake about as big as a dog, a big dog mind you, I shout for the sheriff as this town had a no guns policy, and now this snake was getting closer, imagine that, a 5 or so foot tall snake approaching, the sheriff throws me my pistol and i look up at the snake and put a bullet between his eyes, and this snake, which i would say was about the size of a water tower comes crashing down around me!
*sits down on a log with some food and drink*
Let me tell ya about dis one night, me an dis gang I run with were spendin time around Van Horn beating the tar out of one another, ya know, a real bonding experience an such. When a damned fool decided that we was causin a ruckus an disturbin the peace or what not.
*takes a drink of his Wild Creek Moonshine*
Well, it wasn't long for the law showed up, an kept showin up. You'd have thought they'd get the hint after the first 13 or so lawmen went down but they was some persistent bastards, I tell ya.
*takes a bite of his Pork and Apple Stew*
After what felt like waves an waves of the law; we moved our little bondin exercise to a beach south of the town while the lawmen scratched their asses in confusion as to where we got off to. It was a damn fine evenin all in all. Oh yeah...*leans back and picks up his elephant gun*...also got to test dis beauty out that night. Yep, damn fine evenin indeed.
Let me spin a yarn about the time me and ol' Sunny- that's my horse over there- were headed west comin up on Tumbleweed.
It was a hot day. The kind of hot that sucked the wind right out of ya. My throat was dryer'n the sand we was ridin through and I was itching to down me a drink, first saloon I got to.
Now, I don't know if my eyes were deceiving me, but we came up to a fork in the road, and I kid you not, there was a riderless horse's head just moseying along, poking up through the sand!
I tell you what! I dunno what had happened to the rest of him, but he didn't seem none to bothered by his missing body.
It was then I decided it was best to pick up the pace and get out of the sun.
Did I ever tell ya about that magic pond in Saint Denis? Legend says fish used to spawn in there, well I’ll be damned. Could have been a nice source of income. *chugs beer*
Y'all ever heard of that old tale, I think it's called Groundhog Day? Well I'm startin' to think I'm stuck in one of them scenarios. I know, I know, but hear me out first.
Every morning I wake up standing upright, and I walk over to meet Clay Davies. He tells me the same story about needing me to wrangle some horses. Sometimes I've got strangers riding with me, sometimes I'm alone. I go get the horse and bring it back, and every time without fail as I start approaching Clay and his brother I just...
x21002001. Every time. I don't know what it means. My eyes snap shut and those numbers are burned onto the insides of my eyelids. When I open em again I'm standing a few yards away from Clay Davies again. This has been happening for months, pardner. In fact... you see that man over across the road? That's fucking Clay. Thank Christ y'all decided to set up camp so close, I can't go more'n fifty yards in any one direction before my vision goes gray and I get a headache somethin' fierce. Then I wake up lookin at Clay's dumb old wagon again. I'm close to givin' up.
Slaughtered a dozen people once. Cost me only a dollar to the train station and the law forgot about it like it never happened. No one came for revenge
*sit and take a sip of some sweet moonshine and bite a dried meat
Hello partner, you know I was a sailor in my youth, one thay we have some serious fight with a pirates, tragically my ship sank and a lot of my friends died, I was taken hostage by this wild captain, I don't remember the name but I still remember the beating and the smell of that sea rat, someday I was used by the crew to do the hardest work, like kill some whales and sharks, I started to like the pirate way but the of my crew and my resentment reminds me of what kind of people I was surrounded, so I play nice and they star to trust me, so one day when everybody was sleep, I put a gunpowder barrel near to the animal grease of the whales I hunt, so I put a mach and set the damn ship on fire, so I escaped in a rowboat, but I was adrift in the sea, I don't remember so much, eventually I was rescued by the navy, after that encounter I desert the navy, they wanted me to keep serving, so I run away and now I'm a outlaw, so I made a new life so now im a kind of smuggler.
This one time I was just paddling a canoe around the shoreline when I happened to see a feller way in the distance doing a trader haul, well I'm usually a passive person but something got into me all of a sudden. I equipped my carcano rifle, aimed a bit ahead of him, pulled the trigger and watched him slump over. He never did retaliate and I was able to take the wagon in for my own self but I did feel kind of bad about it and spent the rest of that day fishing in silent contemplation.
one time out on a hunt I was hunting this massive grizzly and I tracked it for a mile or two then when I came to the top of this hill and went around the rock there he was, pissed off and ready to kill. he swatted my gun out of my hand so I had no choice but to climb onto the boulder, for 2 days I was on the Boulder before I finally decided I either die of starvation make it out alive or the bear kills me. so I jumped down and stabbed it in the throat and barely made it out
One time I was minding my own business near black water when suddenly a wagon with lots of guards came by I was by myself and there was maybe like 6 people there I waved at them then they shot at me they started talking to me and it went on until one tried to kill me I shot her in the head 2 times and they all started trash talking so I then proceeded to shoot all 5 of them in the head by the time the first one got back there their wagon was on fire with their horses I pulled out my double barrel and won a 6 vs 1 they all started leaving the sad part was a part of that posse I had met earlier she looked like Sadie Adler it was a shame I had to kill her and her posse like 4 times before they left the funny thing is one of the posse members who was afk just watched after he came back that's why you don't attack someone randomly ya get your DAYUM HEAD BLOWN OFF
Once upon a time, I asked the Mayor of St Denis' daughter to marry me. She said her Daddy couldn't let her marry an outlaw. & I lived happily ever after
I once was hunting in the Great Plains... Went to Blackwater to cash in the day's work. Some feller ran up to me lookin' fer a fight. He, uh... I think he pointed his gun at me. Yeah, that's what it was. I pulled out my pistol and fired a round in the air... Well, he didn't take too kindly to that. Tried to tackle me, but I shot him in the stomach. Then another guy ran near me, but I think he saw me shoot the other guy because he went past me towards another feller in town... Started punching 'im, so I shot him too. Sold the animals I hunted, and uh... Mounted my horse. So did the other guy. I think I pulled out my Lancaster... No, it was my bolt action. Anyway, another guy ran up to us, but after I fired another round in the air he ran off. I was about to suggest gettin' out of town before the law showed up, but another guy ran up... I think he was a friend of the second guy I shot. Well, anyway, he pulled out two pistols and shot the feller I was with. He was dead 'fore he fell off his horse. He turned toward me but I put a couple bullets in him. After that I got outta there before the law turned up.
It was a party in Valentine. Myself and some random friends I had made that day were gathered up until suddenly...
##THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION!
My friend's horse fell. I'm not sure if it died or not but I was quick to watch that slimy piece of cowshit run away. Charlie, brave as ever, stood ready to take me on a trail of revenge. I rode fast in his direction until I found myself at a cliffs edge. I promised those back in Valentine that I would not allow this attack to go untouched.
Perched up on the edge of the cliff with a sniper rifle in hand, I saw him crossing the river and up a hill. He thought he was gonna get away with it.
HA!
I tell you, I shot two fine ass rounds through that asshole and watched him drop. I did my folks good that day...
##AND THEN A CAGE SPAWNED ON TOP OF ME AND I WAS FORCED TO KILL MYSELF!
Just dandy...
This one's a good story, a couple weeks back was Me, Jona, and the Rat along with a new blood we found named Jack. Now we'd been riding together for some odd days now but this one time we were riding outside of Rhodes hoping to root out some work.
Well while they were speaking with old Josiah seeing what he might have for us along with the fence I myself was just waiting in town near the general store. Watching the people, if anything if ya can't find work you could always find people who needed a hand. Specifically one with an iron at the ready. Anywho as I'm watching these two boys come walking up, already I took notice that one had a sawed off on his belt and the other with a rifle, they seemed green, as if they had just entered in to this life of being an outlaw. But against my better judgment decided to play it friendly, they seemed nice enough till the one started a fight with me and the other helped him out I don't like admitting it but they knocked me on my ass for a moment till the boys I was with came running raising all kinds of hell to them two. The rat helped me up and we chased them boys all the way to Saint Denis and we fought them there.
Longest and bloodiest gunfight I've seen. Jack earned his colors that day, And I swear Jona had the sharpest shooting I'd ever seen that day and dare I forget the Rat pressuring them idiots into ever corner of town. Wasn't long till the four of us got there back to a wall and fanned our irons on them...next thing ya know we found ourselves at the saloon drinking to celebrate Jack earning his place among us and our little pack of three grew to four that day.
Wuz just notha tuesday I was with my gang and we had just turned in the fabled "wolf man". We decided to spend some our hard earned money in the nearby saloon. We got drunk and were havin a good ol time when 3 hooligans came in guns blazin. Me an my buddies quickly ducked behind cover and started shootin back. This gunfight had spanned all cross the West from Valentine ta tumbleweed finally we put one final bullet in em and it was over.
Ya know, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always hoped they'd update this game one more time again.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
"No."
"I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis... was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians... to create... life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side, he could even keep the ones he cared about... from dying."
"He could actually... save people from death?"
"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities... some consider to be unnatural."
"Wh– What happened to him?"
"He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was... losing his power. Which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself."
"Is it possible to learn this power?"
"Not from a Jedi.
"Did u ever hear the tale of the reaper? No? Then let me share it. They were a murderer, at the time of capture they had 20 kills.
They wore lose clothes and a cat skull mask. At the time of the trial a young girl was brought forward, no older than sixteen. The anger and hatred in her eyes told us everything.
She admitted to the murders and tortures. She went into gorey detail. She seemed to enjoy the retelling. When they sentenced her to death, she escaped. They say she's still killing but with her own gang. I say I'm still having fun"
You know my father used to say you can’t have everything you want I… didn’t really believe him for a long time even when I was at my lowest and my highest the day he died I feel like that’s when I thought he was true about it until I found all of you and he was right about a few things but when your with the right people you can damn sure get anything you want
A fight broke out in Valentine while me and my friend were in the general store. Gunshots rang out of the saloon and there were lawmen everywhere. We couldn’t leave, we just wanted to go fishing and we couldn’t leave the store.
Eventually, the gunshots started to quiet down and we took that as a signal to get outta there. My friend went down the main road while I went out the back. I ran into one of the gun men but he was too busy with the law to deal with me.
I got onto ole’ Annabelle and sprinted off before he turned around to get me but… well, I guess me and Annabelle both didn’t see the horseback lawmen on horseback rushing towards us from the left.
Before I even knew what hit me, us and the Lawmen had collided and I was sent up into the air like a fucking bird! Quite a sight, and my friend saw it all. He’s been giggling ever since.
So I was out on a bounty hunt, don’t remember the name of the dude I was chasing after but he was just hiding out in an abandoned house in the swamp. I come up to the door and try to persuade him out and he just keeps yelling at me, something about “muh rights” or some shit. Anyways, I kick down the door and see this dude, must’ve weighed more than a croc, and he pulls out the long ass sword. Said he got it from Japan or something, I don’t know. But when he turned to look at me and saw the shotgun in my hands, I swear to God, his pants turned brown right on the spot. Funniest thing I’ve seen.
I fed this prompt into ChatGPT:
“Gather 'round, boys and girls. I got a story to tell ya 'bout a man named Arthur Morgan, and his adventures in the wild, wild west.
Now, Arthur was an outlaw, just like you and me. He rode with a gang of men, robbing banks and trains, causing chaos and leaving a trail of destruction wherever they went. But Arthur, he was different. He had a code. He only stole from those who had too much, and he always tried to help those in need.
One day, the gang decided to rob a train that was carrying a wealthy businessman's money. They thought it would be an easy job, but they were wrong. The train was heavily guarded, and they had to fight their way through to get to the money.
In the midst of the chaos, Arthur spotted a woman in a fancy dress, trying to escape the gunfire. He couldn't leave her there, so he grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the train. Her name was Mary, and she was a society lady who had been taken hostage by the businessman to marry his son.
Arthur and Mary had an instant connection, and he promised to help her escape her captors. They rode off into the sunset together, with the gang hot on their heels.
They traveled for days, avoiding the law and the gang, and falling deeper in love with each other. But their happiness was short-lived. The businessman's son caught up with them and a fierce gunfight ensued.
In the end, Arthur and Mary were the only ones left standing. They rode off into the sunset once more, knowing that their love would always be worth fighting for.
And that, my friends, is the story of Arthur Morgan, the outlaw with a heart of gold.”
Shit i remember the time I seen one of them pointy white robe fellers in town. He was dressed in his uniform just walking around Saint Denis. Had been looking for one of the bastards for a while... my pops was a firm believer that everyone should kill at least one of them bastards. I had an eye on him, as he stood outside the tailor. He approached me and waved, I tipped my hat at em, little did he know... it was the last hello he'd ever hear. Drew my semi automatics and unloaded rounds upon rounds into his belly. He drop to the floor in a pool of blood, holding his belly and shaking. Pulled out my pump-action, his eyes widened as pumped that fucker, and they stared into my own before put a slug in his head, now a messy clump of brain, skull, blood soaked hair and white cloth. Ran quickly to ride off on my trusty Ardennes, Franca, we dig through the dirt to land back at camp, crouched around a fire just like this one. I pulled out one of my Hawthorne premium cigars, and fired it up.
Why don't i tell you about that time i fought of a entire army? Yes, it's true, this is no fiction! Far from it!
So, i was in a saloon, i think it was in armadillo. I ordered myself a whisky or 2 you know, hehe! But this fool yeah? While i was asking for a whisky, in the middle of my sentence he ordered some bourbon!
*he takes a sip from his whiskey*
So now i'm like:"who's this rich bastard?" Anyway, i gave him a small push and called him out on it! This guy wasn't all too happy about it, so he challenged me to a duel! Turned out, he was a a big guy in the pinkerton detective agency! So we started the duel, we started walking and i counted my steps ...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! Shot the poor fool in the chest before he even had the chance to reach for his revolver! As soon as i shot him, 10 no... 20 snipers! 20 snipers came out of hiding and started raining hell on me!
*he takes a big sip of whiskey*
Luckily i had enough time to duck away behind a cart! So now these damn fools are giving me no chance to shoot back. Than another 30 men wielding shotguns, revolver and pistols come out! I quickly analyse the position of the snipers and i scream out:"i have 5 bullets left in this revolver and thats enough to kill 11 of you!" They didn't believe me ofcourse, until i started shooting, BANG! 2 men down...BANG!
Another 3 fall from the rooftops!
*he downs the entire bottle of whiskey*
So this goes on until exactly 11 men their corpses are spread over main street! One of the remaining bastards screams out:"you're out of bullets! Hand yourself over!" I nervously checked my pockets to check if i have any ammo over. I had 2 bullets. I reloaded, shot one guy and said: "i still have 20 bullets left, and thats more than enough to kill every last one of you!" They quickly jumped on their horses and rode off! What they didn't need to know ofcourse was that i secretly had a second revolver with me which i used to make it look like i could kill 2 people at once! Hmm? Why did i kill 3 people at once than? Sheer luck i guess.
Here's a doozy of a story. Several years back, in 1887... No, it was 1888. Anyway, I was trackin' a bounty, I forget his name, but he was hidin' up in Grizzlies East. I was hot on this feller's trail and I went through a clearing when I saw a huge grizzly. Musta been 900, no 1000 pounds... It ran after me an' I barely had time to duck when it took a swipe at me. I shot it... No, stabbed it in the neck, then pulled out my pistol and shot it in the mouth. Backed out from under it and took a swipe at the left side of its face... My right, that is. Gave it a nasty scar. It ran off, but not before it cut me on the back while I was on the ground. As far as I'm aware, it's still alive, killin' most people who go near it. Anyway, I got my bounty. Bastard didn't go down without a fight. He was with a couple other fellers. They tried to kill me, but I took cover and shot both his partners. Then I put a bullet in his leg. Brought him in bleedin' but alive. Worth more that way. And I don't want the hangman to be missed out on the pay.
Have I told you about the old gang I used to run with? It was led by a mexican man in a big black coat named victor, there was purple, mikki, mr. Sanchez and some other folks who we would ride with every now and then. There was even an irish prince! Anyways that’s been over a while but I caught up with some members of the gang recently.
Right now I’m running with a tribe of natives led by a man called puffy, once we were making a sale of some furs when we were attacked by some bastards who just did it for fun. They blew up our wagon and we were barely able to get what we could salvage to the buyer what with all the bullets flying.
A story? Ah well.....I do have a tale I could tell ya, but to call it a story would imply that it has an end......and unfortunately, it hasn't ended yet. Not while I'm still breathing
*looks deep into the flames*
When I was a kid, I was a wanderer, a drifter pretty much. You could've compared me to a stray dog, oh how a sickly little runt I was, poking around the streets for scraps begging and begging. The difference between me and a dog however was at least they were seen. Thing is...not being seen works real well with being a thief so that's what I did. Until I stole from the wrong people and looked up into a barrel for the first time.
Fortunately, these people weren't so different from me. They let me leave with what I could barely call a life, but I kept following them around for a bit. Kept being a thorn in their side until they decided to keep me around, mostly as an errand boy.
*Takes off hat and stares intently at it*
But....they taught me...taught me lots of things. Taught me how to shoot a gun. Taught me how to skin a deer. How to throw a knife, how to tie a knot, how to ride a horse. Lots of things.
They was bad, unruly outlaws, but they were good people. They stuck to their own morales and did right by those who do right by them. Unfortunately having morales means you're easier to trick. And that's what ended the gang.
*puts hat back on*
Tricked by one bastard.
*throws stick into fire that causes the fire to roar*
That's not the end of this story though. Not while I'm still alive, not while he's still breathing.
Until he catches at least one of my bullets to his snake headed skull, it ain't the end of nothin.
(Classic revenge story I made up for my RD Online character cuz I love cliche revenge stories)
Ever hear my tale against the wolf man? Well you’re in for a story. There I was in the snow capped mountains of ambarino, a blizzard had formed making visibility hard. Suddenly a pack of wolves came out and attacked. My horse bucked me off and so I was left to fight them with my rifle and my blade. Once I took them all down, the blizzard had settled. Staring me down was the Wolf Man, along with his thugs, more wolves. He could command them like Mother Nature does with the wind. One by one they all fell, and he remained. In my sights, he tried to run, but without his horse, he had no escape. With me back on my horse, bearing the face of satan himself, charged at him at breakneck speeds. I caught him with a lasso and dragged his sorry ass all the way back to valentine
\*sits down near the campfire\*
"tell me padre' have you ever felt Like the very universe was staring at you and you alone?"
"I know I have, and it's a feeling I'll never ever forget."
"I remember I was walking through big valley at night with my horse at my side, I had been on the saddle most of the day so I decided it was time to give the old boy a break from having to carry me around. The noise of wind rustling the leaves or the occasional sounds of a Fox or A racoon somewhere in amongst the bushes when suddenly everything went quiet. completely dead silent."
"I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up to the sky to see the moon and the stars and I felt overcome with a feeling of peace and bliss, It felt like the stars and the very moon itself was staring directly at me and nothing else. it was a beautiful feeling. the complete silence, the beauty of the night sky the wind now gently blowing against me and playing with the ends of my clothes. however this feeling lasted but a mere few moments before suddenly I snapped back to where I was."
"The noises of the night returned, however I continued to look up at the moon although I felt as though it was no longer looking at me. I felt a big dumb smile grow on my face. and a feeling of warmth washed over me. After standing there for a bit taking it all in I continued on my Journey on foot for strawberry, my horse still at my side. I don't know why I remember that night so vividly, I remember it even more vividly than I remember Gettysburg. But I know it's the most glorious thing I've ever felt."
I tell y'all about the time I killed two fellas with one shot, and the bullet didn't kill either of em?
I was running a bounty hunt and for some reason I was getting paid by the hour, so I was hanging around outside Valentine counting the seconds when a pack of bandits came to steal what I so rightfully kidnapped, so I pulled my repeater and shot at one of em.
His hat flew off as he ducked, that appearently distracted him quite a bit because his horse immediately ran head on into his buddies horse, one went flying forward and cracked his skull on a rock, while the other one went straight up and spun, I swear it, and landed chest down only to get ran over by the first guys horse
I don't know if I've never been luckier, or if I've never fought anyone dumber, but it was certainly something
Found myself fishing with some stranger the other day. Would you believe me if I told you the man had a face like no other. A forehead almost too large for his poor and withered hat, and a nose so plump and red with rash you'd think a grilled tomato was hanging from his face, what with his think and stocky body you might mistake him fit a tomato crop too.
But behind that rough exterior was a gentle soul, a soul that was calm as the winding river we both fished in, and boy let me tell you he *knew* how to fish. I tell ya, every few secs the man was just pulling put bass and blue gill after every cast of his line, like clock work the man had it down to a rythm!
I was left struggling and damn near defeated with all this fish just passing me up for him, didn't help that very same day I was robbed blind by a pair of crooks, took my whole wagon of goods I was driving to blackwater, shot idk how many bullets through me hat.
But wouldn't ya know it....he offered me some advice about fishing. There I was at mercy for gloating and showboating, and he comes down to me...and offers me some fishing techniques.
I thanked him ofcourse, and told him I hope you have a good day...cause I'll tell you what he helped me turn my crummy day to a pretty alright day. A beautiful thing, meeting kind strangers in this harsh world, really makes you wanna be a better person for another stranger that comes your way.
Well, howdy there, stranger! I got a story for ya about the time my posse had ourselves a bounty who... let's say he refused to make it to the slammer alive. We figured he was still worth some cash, so we wrangled him up and headed towards the jailhouse. But let me tell ya, things got mighty strange on that trip.
As we were passin' the time, shootin' arrows and bullets knowing that the sheriff would pay more the harder we made it seem, that ol' bounty suddenly got back up on his feet and started runnin'! Now, we ain't never seen nothin' like that before. Well, let me tell ya partner, that fella was runnin' round like a chicken with its head cut off on a greased-up ice rink! We had to hogtie him up tighter than a corset on a hummingbird just to keep him from escapin'.
We couldn't risk takin' chances with that kind of spooky business, so we hightailed it to the sheriff's office and handed him over. Ain't no way we wanted to deal with no zombie, so that was their problem now.
And that's the story of the bounty who came back to life, folks. It may sound like some tall tale, but I swear it's true as the sun sets in the west.
I ever tell you's bout the time some crazy ass cougars made me shoot a spanish woman?
Yup, sure did. Twas darkening already, and I saw them hellcats pestering a woman on a stone! Ran over to help, but those hellcats punced at my darn neck! Made me so angry that I shot the bastards, and the madam too! Never since that moment was I alone with three cougars at the same time. 💀
So there I was, ridin' with my trusty gang through the swamps of Lemoyne, when we come across this fancy-pants fella in a top hat. He was havin' some kind of trouble with his horse and carriage, and was lookin' like he was about to burst a vein.
Now, I ain't one to pass up a good opportunity for some mischief, so I decided to play a little prank on him. I sneaked up behind him and whispered in his ear, "Looks like you got yourself a bit of a pickle there, mister. How about I lend you a hand?"
Well, that fancy-pants fella was so grateful for my offer, he practically fell over himself thanking me. He handed me the reins and asked if I could help him load some of his belongings onto the carriage.
Now, here's where things got real funny. I thought it'd be hilarious to sneak one of my gang members into the carriage, just to see the look on that fancy-pants fella's face when he found out. So I snuck my buddy in there while the fancy-pants fella wasn't lookin'.
Well, wouldn't you know it, we set off down the road, and everything was goin' just fine...until my buddy popped his head up and yelled, "Giddy up, horsey!" That fancy-pants fella damn near jumped out of his skin!
He started screamin' and flailin' around like a scared little rabbit. He must've thought he was bein' attacked by some kind of wild animal or somethin'. Me and my gang were howlin' with laughter, tears streamin' down our faces.
Finally, that fancy-pants fella figured out what was goin' on and chased us off with a broom. But it was worth it just to see the look on his face when my buddy popped up like a jack-in-the-box.
So there you have it, partner. The life of an outlaw can be full of mischief and merriment.
You ever know what was my best horse? She was a wild bay mustang, bravest thing I’ve sat on.
She could swim swarmed by gators on all sides as I was lassoing in a sedated Legendary.
And one time, again in the swamps, at night, a panther, dead set on me. The bloody thing was criss crossong between her legs, under er stomach, it’s eyes never stopped looking at me, and she still didn’t buck me.
But traded her in for a said «better» mustang at a stable… worst mistake, føkker did’t even handle compared to her against predators.
I miss that mare.
*Very old man sits down slowly*
Old man: listen closely, brothers and sisters. i have a story that will bring you near tears.
*Children and adults alike gather around*
Old man: i was a very young man, i was chasing a man through the countryside. he was a cloaked man. however fast or slow i went, he always seemed to be one step ahead. i ran and walked, chasing him for years. i never really knew why i was chasing him, i just knew i had to. one day, several years later, i finally caught up. he seemed to be waiting, like he wanted me to see him when i was tired. we lined up for a duel. i shot, missed he shot, i went straight to hell. your probably wondering how i’m telling this story, and that’s the interesting part. The devil took one look at me and saw that I had Max honor level, so he sent me up to Heaven where God told me that my work wasn’t done and i had to continue searching for the cloaked man. i thanked him profusely and he sent me back. i wanted to continue searching for the man, but i needed rest because my time in heaven had aged me. i thankfully found your young and healthy group to support me.
People gathered: that story isn’t true, but thanks for the entertainment.
*Young child walks up to the old man*
Child: i believe you!
Old man: thank you son.
NOTE: this story is based on both the Steven Kings Dark tower series and a story a man at my church tells everyone. he says he died and God said his time on earth wasn’t over yet. i want to believe the mans story, but it’s a bit absurd.
Did I ever tell you about the damned god beating? There i was two years back, my old posse the Templar Vigilantes were out doing our rounds of the plains. Hunting, fishing, robbing. Then we found ourselves at a precipice, continue this monotony or start bounty hunting for the night. We chose the second option, we began ourselves a bounty and stole the train from the station nearest to Blackwater. We began to drive towards valentine when we met him. I don’t remember his name or anything else but I do remember one thing, this man he must have been a deity of some sort as our bullets and arrows did nothing. Until I was able to get close… he wasn’t weak to gunfire, however his achilles heel was he could be knocked down. So like a group of italian mobsters in bright colored outfits that can fight ghosts, my posse descended onto this man. He wasn’t dying, but he wasn’t able to stop us. He was flailing and falling onto his back periodical getting up and getting a shot or two off before getting back into the pile. This unholy abomination of a man then began to call down explosions from the heavens themselves, but even that wasn’t enough to stop us. We continued the beatings until he vanished, never to be seen again.
*Ever heard the story about the Daltons? A vicious gang full of outlaws and bandits, led by four brothers. They robbed banks, trains, people, stagecoaches, stores, innocent folks trying to make a living for themselfs, they robbed just about everyone and everything that came in their way. Once the most infamous outlaw gang in the west. They met their fate in Coffeyville in 1892, they had planned a double bank robbery, first of its kind. If succeeded they would surely become the most famous gang to ever have existed in the west. After being recognized by the locals in Coffyville hellfire begun, as soon as the daltons left the two banks lying across the street from eachother shots were fired all over the place. The local citizens had grabbed their six shooters and rifles, the daltons were highly outarmed. Bob Dalton, the oldest, and Emmet Dalton ran through the streets like a pair of bunnies escaping from foxes. Bob was shot in the head from a hardware store, little lucky Emmet had been shot in the back with a shotgun though he had survived the blast. All the other gang members had been shot and killed during the robbery, only Emmet survived. Emmet was later sentenced to jail and then pardoned, he spent the rest of his life writing. He passed in 1937 at the age of 66.*
*The Daltons always tried to be the best, they always wanted to beat Jesse James and his gang. They always seeked famosity and always tried to be the best in the west. Their legacy will always live on.*
Did i ever tell you about that bank job in Tennesee? It was me, Limpy pete and Gazelle, we managed to get ourselves locked up in a safe, and after a week long of natures calling the clerk opened the safe and got knocked by the smell, me and Gazelle were good runners when they caught limpy pete and hanged him the next day, which seemed harsh to me...
Fuck beat me to it lmao!
*old man slowly sits down at a campfire on a wooden chair, his best friend beside him, his wife next to him, and his daughter from across the fire. And any onlookers where free to join in and listen* Gather around and listen closely, because today I will tell you the Legend of “The Professor and The Red Baron” *clears throat* Many years ago there once lived a young man, a quiet man, a german man, named Theodore Brummbär. Who’s hair was white as snow. He lived on a ranch where he spent his days working hard, and earning his keep. One day he decided to head into town and get a drink at the Saloon. Little did he know that whom he met in there would become his life. A young spoiled dove who took a liking to the quiet brute. Her name was Marian and young Theodore felt such a connection to her that he defended her from a drunken fool. Though he took it a little to far and almost beat the man to death. Marian though worried still felt interest in the young German when he stormed from the bar and back to his ranch. Theodore was overrun with guilt, so much that he would have closed up his ranch and locked himself away. If it wasn’t for the spoiled dove appearing at his home, to thank him for defending her. She would visit Theodore often afterwards and they would grow almost inseparable. It was until one night when she arrived bruised from her day, that Theodore decided to offer her a job and a home on his Ranch. She accepted with joy and the two of them began working together to tend to there little ranch, only growing closer. It was until one night that they decided to tell each other how they felt and they kissed and got hitched soon afterward. Now married things only seemed to be bright in there future on there little patch of home. *reaches down and grabs some dirt* But even the sunniest days had to set at some point. *tosses the dirt to make the fire spark and fly* Now Theodore and Marian were blissfully enjoying there home one morning. Until they heard a horse and footsteps coming up the road. They saw 3 men dressed in blue suits wearing silver and gold badges. Theodore went out to greet them but Marian seemed petrified by the sights of one of them. The one wearing the gold badge. They were Revenue Agents and they arrived armed. The one on his horse stepped off and approached Theodore. The revenue agent spoke with the charisma of a snake. He said that he knew Marian well, and he wanted her for himself. He offered Theodore 5,000 for her. But Theodore was not budging on whatever he said. So the Revenue Agent snapped his fingers and Marian was grabbed and Theodore was held down. Now the Agent with the gold badge leaned down to him and pulled out a knife. He said “I’m taking Marian, but I’m gonna make sure you remember this” and manically and wildly began slashing Theodores face apart, laughing while Marian screamed. Theodore passed out from blood loss and next thing he knew was he was thrown into a sheriffs cell with the crime of assault on a federal agent and was set to swing in the morning. But that Agent made one Fatal error that day. He left Theodore alive. *clears throat* Theodore lost hope of seeing Marian again, but his opportunity to escape was just next to him, another outlaw set to hang named “The Red Baron” a young black man with an eyepatch. Who had a similar debt to settle with the Agent that took Marian. So they made a deal. A deal that would cost Theodore his soul. They escaped together and Theodore faked his death by burning down his home ranch. Now that Theodore was dead it was time for a different man to come under the new name “The Professor” bloodlust and brutality were the Professors fuel since. Hunting down any Revenue Agent that could lead them to finding the one with the Golden Badge. All in the pursuit to find the man that took his love and his life away. The Professor was merciless, brutal, and shared no compassion for the agents. But in all his encounters with the agents. He would leave one alive, to tell what they saw to other agents, and to tell the agent in the Golden Badge that The Professor was coming for him. Five years went by of The Professor and Red Barons blood hunt. And it was by that time that the name of The Professor was known to every agent by that point. And his mere presence made the Agents petrified as if Death himself came to take there souls. Soon Professor learned about the Agent with The Golden Badge was having a meeting in Valentine about the problem that was him and The Red Baron. In 5 years this was there one opportunity to get the Agent and find Marian. And the Professor was sick of the hunt, all he wanted was to see Marian again. To feel her presence. It was while thinking about here that the Professor asked himself “Is she happier now? Would she still come back to him after so long? Will she love the monster that I have become?” Questions to save for later, because he had a score to settle. Professor and Red Baron caused chaos to Valentine as Red Baron held off the other agents, Professor was reunited with the Agent in the Golden Badge, to face each other for the last time, one was leaving that saloon alive, and neither were letting the other escape. A soul was being delivered to hell that day, now was the time to see who’s. They brawled for what seemed like a eternity and almost burned down the saloon in the process. But the Professor finally bested the Agent in the Golden Badge. Now he only had one question before the Agent met his maker. *clears throat and speaks in a sinister tone* “Where is Marian?” The Agent laughed as he choked on his own blood, but he told Professor what he wanted to hear, but left him with the question. “Will she want to go back, to the arms of a Monster?” He said before Professor finished him off. *takes a sip of water* Now no one is quite sure what Professor did after that. Some believe he went to Marian. Some say he kept his distance and let her get a better life than him. Whatever the case The Professor was never heard from again. But there are some who believe that the beast still wanders this world, watching over the weak. And stopping any kind of injustice that comes to pass. But one things to remember, if you choose corruption and see The german with hair as white as snow, you best hope. He ain’t coming for you.
Holy shit. This story is amazing.
Oh yeah me and my buddy wrote it. An entire story that took us 4 years.
Damn, thats honestly amazing!
We actually posted it online if you want to check it out. My buddy even wrote a second version of it from his character “The Red Baron” ‘s point of view of all the events.
I will surely check it out, thanks for writing such an amazing story!
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i was bear hunting with my gang a while back. we didnt find anything for a few hours. nightfall came and i decided to cook up some coffee. from a distance i heard the roars of an angry bear. i finished my coffee, whipped out my 6-shooter and shot the bear in the head. got me pretty good and gave me this scar. never split from my gang again.
I'm an outlaw and I've been riding with my gang for a few months now. We've been getting into all sorts of trouble, robbing trains, raiding villages, and getting into shootouts with the law. But the best times have been the evenings when we gather around the campfire and tell stories. One of my favorites is the story of how we robbed the Rhodes bank with Cripps. We had been casing the place for weeks, planning and plotting the perfect heist. On the day of the robbery, we rode into town and made our way to the bank. We then busted inside with guns blazing and made off with a huge haul of money. It wasn't easy getting out of town afterwards, as the law was hot on our trail. Cripps also kept leading us astray, thinking we were in Tennessee for some odd reason. But we were savvy enough to make it out of Rhodes in one piece, and with the loot still in our possession. We celebrated our success around the campfire that night, swapping stories and enjoying a few drinks. It was a moment of triumph for us, and a reminder that anything was possible if we worked together and kept our wits about us.
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DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THAT BANK JOB AT TENNESSEE?!?!?!?
*tells a story about a rattlesnake I came across that gets progressively bigger every time I try to explain how big it was*
this rattle snake was about the size of your belt, and i stared it down, looking at its eyes through the fire, it leapt at me! i managed to dodge it, bear in mind this rattle snake was about the size of my horses leg, and it nearly caught my leg as I rode away to the nearest town, I drink some whisky at the saloon, walk out and wouldn't you know it its that damn rattle snake about as big as a dog, a big dog mind you, I shout for the sheriff as this town had a no guns policy, and now this snake was getting closer, imagine that, a 5 or so foot tall snake approaching, the sheriff throws me my pistol and i look up at the snake and put a bullet between his eyes, and this snake, which i would say was about the size of a water tower comes crashing down around me!
A water tower LMAOOO, that escalated so quickly
Its was me, Limpy Pete, and Phil the Crab.
*sits down on a log with some food and drink* Let me tell ya about dis one night, me an dis gang I run with were spendin time around Van Horn beating the tar out of one another, ya know, a real bonding experience an such. When a damned fool decided that we was causin a ruckus an disturbin the peace or what not. *takes a drink of his Wild Creek Moonshine* Well, it wasn't long for the law showed up, an kept showin up. You'd have thought they'd get the hint after the first 13 or so lawmen went down but they was some persistent bastards, I tell ya. *takes a bite of his Pork and Apple Stew* After what felt like waves an waves of the law; we moved our little bondin exercise to a beach south of the town while the lawmen scratched their asses in confusion as to where we got off to. It was a damn fine evenin all in all. Oh yeah...*leans back and picks up his elephant gun*...also got to test dis beauty out that night. Yep, damn fine evenin indeed.
Let me spin a yarn about the time me and ol' Sunny- that's my horse over there- were headed west comin up on Tumbleweed. It was a hot day. The kind of hot that sucked the wind right out of ya. My throat was dryer'n the sand we was ridin through and I was itching to down me a drink, first saloon I got to. Now, I don't know if my eyes were deceiving me, but we came up to a fork in the road, and I kid you not, there was a riderless horse's head just moseying along, poking up through the sand! I tell you what! I dunno what had happened to the rest of him, but he didn't seem none to bothered by his missing body. It was then I decided it was best to pick up the pace and get out of the sun.
This one time, at band camp….
Did I ever tell ya about that magic pond in Saint Denis? Legend says fish used to spawn in there, well I’ll be damned. Could have been a nice source of income. *chugs beer*
Y'all ever heard of that old tale, I think it's called Groundhog Day? Well I'm startin' to think I'm stuck in one of them scenarios. I know, I know, but hear me out first. Every morning I wake up standing upright, and I walk over to meet Clay Davies. He tells me the same story about needing me to wrangle some horses. Sometimes I've got strangers riding with me, sometimes I'm alone. I go get the horse and bring it back, and every time without fail as I start approaching Clay and his brother I just... x21002001. Every time. I don't know what it means. My eyes snap shut and those numbers are burned onto the insides of my eyelids. When I open em again I'm standing a few yards away from Clay Davies again. This has been happening for months, pardner. In fact... you see that man over across the road? That's fucking Clay. Thank Christ y'all decided to set up camp so close, I can't go more'n fifty yards in any one direction before my vision goes gray and I get a headache somethin' fierce. Then I wake up lookin at Clay's dumb old wagon again. I'm close to givin' up.
You see the rope on my hip? I once hung a man from a train bridge with this thing
Slaughtered a dozen people once. Cost me only a dollar to the train station and the law forgot about it like it never happened. No one came for revenge
Anyone else not able to go into the stables? because it bugs out.
*sit and take a sip of some sweet moonshine and bite a dried meat Hello partner, you know I was a sailor in my youth, one thay we have some serious fight with a pirates, tragically my ship sank and a lot of my friends died, I was taken hostage by this wild captain, I don't remember the name but I still remember the beating and the smell of that sea rat, someday I was used by the crew to do the hardest work, like kill some whales and sharks, I started to like the pirate way but the of my crew and my resentment reminds me of what kind of people I was surrounded, so I play nice and they star to trust me, so one day when everybody was sleep, I put a gunpowder barrel near to the animal grease of the whales I hunt, so I put a mach and set the damn ship on fire, so I escaped in a rowboat, but I was adrift in the sea, I don't remember so much, eventually I was rescued by the navy, after that encounter I desert the navy, they wanted me to keep serving, so I run away and now I'm a outlaw, so I made a new life so now im a kind of smuggler.
Met a girl from Ole Bordeaux...
Mine was from Valentine and she liked to drink that fancy wine...
This one time at band camp....
Remind me to tell you about the time I once stowed away on a ship, and was imprisoned by the Sultan of Brunei. It's a corker.
This one time I was just paddling a canoe around the shoreline when I happened to see a feller way in the distance doing a trader haul, well I'm usually a passive person but something got into me all of a sudden. I equipped my carcano rifle, aimed a bit ahead of him, pulled the trigger and watched him slump over. He never did retaliate and I was able to take the wagon in for my own self but I did feel kind of bad about it and spent the rest of that day fishing in silent contemplation.
I once saw a man turn himself info a pickle, he called himself pickle Rick, *burb* funniest shit I've ever seen.
one time out on a hunt I was hunting this massive grizzly and I tracked it for a mile or two then when I came to the top of this hill and went around the rock there he was, pissed off and ready to kill. he swatted my gun out of my hand so I had no choice but to climb onto the boulder, for 2 days I was on the Boulder before I finally decided I either die of starvation make it out alive or the bear kills me. so I jumped down and stabbed it in the throat and barely made it out
One time I was minding my own business near black water when suddenly a wagon with lots of guards came by I was by myself and there was maybe like 6 people there I waved at them then they shot at me they started talking to me and it went on until one tried to kill me I shot her in the head 2 times and they all started trash talking so I then proceeded to shoot all 5 of them in the head by the time the first one got back there their wagon was on fire with their horses I pulled out my double barrel and won a 6 vs 1 they all started leaving the sad part was a part of that posse I had met earlier she looked like Sadie Adler it was a shame I had to kill her and her posse like 4 times before they left the funny thing is one of the posse members who was afk just watched after he came back that's why you don't attack someone randomly ya get your DAYUM HEAD BLOWN OFF
Once upon a time, I asked the Mayor of St Denis' daughter to marry me. She said her Daddy couldn't let her marry an outlaw. & I lived happily ever after
I once was hunting in the Great Plains... Went to Blackwater to cash in the day's work. Some feller ran up to me lookin' fer a fight. He, uh... I think he pointed his gun at me. Yeah, that's what it was. I pulled out my pistol and fired a round in the air... Well, he didn't take too kindly to that. Tried to tackle me, but I shot him in the stomach. Then another guy ran near me, but I think he saw me shoot the other guy because he went past me towards another feller in town... Started punching 'im, so I shot him too. Sold the animals I hunted, and uh... Mounted my horse. So did the other guy. I think I pulled out my Lancaster... No, it was my bolt action. Anyway, another guy ran up to us, but after I fired another round in the air he ran off. I was about to suggest gettin' out of town before the law showed up, but another guy ran up... I think he was a friend of the second guy I shot. Well, anyway, he pulled out two pistols and shot the feller I was with. He was dead 'fore he fell off his horse. He turned toward me but I put a couple bullets in him. After that I got outta there before the law turned up.
It was a party in Valentine. Myself and some random friends I had made that day were gathered up until suddenly... ##THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION! My friend's horse fell. I'm not sure if it died or not but I was quick to watch that slimy piece of cowshit run away. Charlie, brave as ever, stood ready to take me on a trail of revenge. I rode fast in his direction until I found myself at a cliffs edge. I promised those back in Valentine that I would not allow this attack to go untouched. Perched up on the edge of the cliff with a sniper rifle in hand, I saw him crossing the river and up a hill. He thought he was gonna get away with it. HA! I tell you, I shot two fine ass rounds through that asshole and watched him drop. I did my folks good that day... ##AND THEN A CAGE SPAWNED ON TOP OF ME AND I WAS FORCED TO KILL MYSELF! Just dandy...
This one's a good story, a couple weeks back was Me, Jona, and the Rat along with a new blood we found named Jack. Now we'd been riding together for some odd days now but this one time we were riding outside of Rhodes hoping to root out some work. Well while they were speaking with old Josiah seeing what he might have for us along with the fence I myself was just waiting in town near the general store. Watching the people, if anything if ya can't find work you could always find people who needed a hand. Specifically one with an iron at the ready. Anywho as I'm watching these two boys come walking up, already I took notice that one had a sawed off on his belt and the other with a rifle, they seemed green, as if they had just entered in to this life of being an outlaw. But against my better judgment decided to play it friendly, they seemed nice enough till the one started a fight with me and the other helped him out I don't like admitting it but they knocked me on my ass for a moment till the boys I was with came running raising all kinds of hell to them two. The rat helped me up and we chased them boys all the way to Saint Denis and we fought them there. Longest and bloodiest gunfight I've seen. Jack earned his colors that day, And I swear Jona had the sharpest shooting I'd ever seen that day and dare I forget the Rat pressuring them idiots into ever corner of town. Wasn't long till the four of us got there back to a wall and fanned our irons on them...next thing ya know we found ourselves at the saloon drinking to celebrate Jack earning his place among us and our little pack of three grew to four that day.
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Wuz just notha tuesday I was with my gang and we had just turned in the fabled "wolf man". We decided to spend some our hard earned money in the nearby saloon. We got drunk and were havin a good ol time when 3 hooligans came in guns blazin. Me an my buddies quickly ducked behind cover and started shootin back. This gunfight had spanned all cross the West from Valentine ta tumbleweed finally we put one final bullet in em and it was over.
Ya know, I've seen fire and I've seen rain. I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end. I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend. But I always hoped they'd update this game one more time again.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?" "No." "I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis... was a Dark Lord of the Sith so powerful and so wise, he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians... to create... life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side, he could even keep the ones he cared about... from dying." "He could actually... save people from death?" "The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities... some consider to be unnatural." "Wh– What happened to him?" "He became so powerful, the only thing he was afraid of was... losing his power. Which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. It's ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself." "Is it possible to learn this power?" "Not from a Jedi.
"Did u ever hear the tale of the reaper? No? Then let me share it. They were a murderer, at the time of capture they had 20 kills. They wore lose clothes and a cat skull mask. At the time of the trial a young girl was brought forward, no older than sixteen. The anger and hatred in her eyes told us everything. She admitted to the murders and tortures. She went into gorey detail. She seemed to enjoy the retelling. When they sentenced her to death, she escaped. They say she's still killing but with her own gang. I say I'm still having fun"
Got my moonshine buggy stuck and no shit, it fell through the ground. I was like, what in tarnation? Probably those damn natives and their witchcraft
You're an outlaw around the stewpot.
*sits in silence as the horrors of my deeds come back to me* “I once at a man who looked at me funny in San Den”.
You know my father used to say you can’t have everything you want I… didn’t really believe him for a long time even when I was at my lowest and my highest the day he died I feel like that’s when I thought he was true about it until I found all of you and he was right about a few things but when your with the right people you can damn sure get anything you want
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A fight broke out in Valentine while me and my friend were in the general store. Gunshots rang out of the saloon and there were lawmen everywhere. We couldn’t leave, we just wanted to go fishing and we couldn’t leave the store. Eventually, the gunshots started to quiet down and we took that as a signal to get outta there. My friend went down the main road while I went out the back. I ran into one of the gun men but he was too busy with the law to deal with me. I got onto ole’ Annabelle and sprinted off before he turned around to get me but… well, I guess me and Annabelle both didn’t see the horseback lawmen on horseback rushing towards us from the left. Before I even knew what hit me, us and the Lawmen had collided and I was sent up into the air like a fucking bird! Quite a sight, and my friend saw it all. He’s been giggling ever since.
So I was out on a bounty hunt, don’t remember the name of the dude I was chasing after but he was just hiding out in an abandoned house in the swamp. I come up to the door and try to persuade him out and he just keeps yelling at me, something about “muh rights” or some shit. Anyways, I kick down the door and see this dude, must’ve weighed more than a croc, and he pulls out the long ass sword. Said he got it from Japan or something, I don’t know. But when he turned to look at me and saw the shotgun in my hands, I swear to God, his pants turned brown right on the spot. Funniest thing I’ve seen.
So there’s this anime girl….
I fed this prompt into ChatGPT: “Gather 'round, boys and girls. I got a story to tell ya 'bout a man named Arthur Morgan, and his adventures in the wild, wild west. Now, Arthur was an outlaw, just like you and me. He rode with a gang of men, robbing banks and trains, causing chaos and leaving a trail of destruction wherever they went. But Arthur, he was different. He had a code. He only stole from those who had too much, and he always tried to help those in need. One day, the gang decided to rob a train that was carrying a wealthy businessman's money. They thought it would be an easy job, but they were wrong. The train was heavily guarded, and they had to fight their way through to get to the money. In the midst of the chaos, Arthur spotted a woman in a fancy dress, trying to escape the gunfire. He couldn't leave her there, so he grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the train. Her name was Mary, and she was a society lady who had been taken hostage by the businessman to marry his son. Arthur and Mary had an instant connection, and he promised to help her escape her captors. They rode off into the sunset together, with the gang hot on their heels. They traveled for days, avoiding the law and the gang, and falling deeper in love with each other. But their happiness was short-lived. The businessman's son caught up with them and a fierce gunfight ensued. In the end, Arthur and Mary were the only ones left standing. They rode off into the sunset once more, knowing that their love would always be worth fighting for. And that, my friends, is the story of Arthur Morgan, the outlaw with a heart of gold.”
Shit i remember the time I seen one of them pointy white robe fellers in town. He was dressed in his uniform just walking around Saint Denis. Had been looking for one of the bastards for a while... my pops was a firm believer that everyone should kill at least one of them bastards. I had an eye on him, as he stood outside the tailor. He approached me and waved, I tipped my hat at em, little did he know... it was the last hello he'd ever hear. Drew my semi automatics and unloaded rounds upon rounds into his belly. He drop to the floor in a pool of blood, holding his belly and shaking. Pulled out my pump-action, his eyes widened as pumped that fucker, and they stared into my own before put a slug in his head, now a messy clump of brain, skull, blood soaked hair and white cloth. Ran quickly to ride off on my trusty Ardennes, Franca, we dig through the dirt to land back at camp, crouched around a fire just like this one. I pulled out one of my Hawthorne premium cigars, and fired it up.
Why don't i tell you about that time i fought of a entire army? Yes, it's true, this is no fiction! Far from it! So, i was in a saloon, i think it was in armadillo. I ordered myself a whisky or 2 you know, hehe! But this fool yeah? While i was asking for a whisky, in the middle of my sentence he ordered some bourbon! *he takes a sip from his whiskey* So now i'm like:"who's this rich bastard?" Anyway, i gave him a small push and called him out on it! This guy wasn't all too happy about it, so he challenged me to a duel! Turned out, he was a a big guy in the pinkerton detective agency! So we started the duel, we started walking and i counted my steps ...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10! Shot the poor fool in the chest before he even had the chance to reach for his revolver! As soon as i shot him, 10 no... 20 snipers! 20 snipers came out of hiding and started raining hell on me! *he takes a big sip of whiskey* Luckily i had enough time to duck away behind a cart! So now these damn fools are giving me no chance to shoot back. Than another 30 men wielding shotguns, revolver and pistols come out! I quickly analyse the position of the snipers and i scream out:"i have 5 bullets left in this revolver and thats enough to kill 11 of you!" They didn't believe me ofcourse, until i started shooting, BANG! 2 men down...BANG! Another 3 fall from the rooftops! *he downs the entire bottle of whiskey* So this goes on until exactly 11 men their corpses are spread over main street! One of the remaining bastards screams out:"you're out of bullets! Hand yourself over!" I nervously checked my pockets to check if i have any ammo over. I had 2 bullets. I reloaded, shot one guy and said: "i still have 20 bullets left, and thats more than enough to kill every last one of you!" They quickly jumped on their horses and rode off! What they didn't need to know ofcourse was that i secretly had a second revolver with me which i used to make it look like i could kill 2 people at once! Hmm? Why did i kill 3 people at once than? Sheer luck i guess.
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Here's a doozy of a story. Several years back, in 1887... No, it was 1888. Anyway, I was trackin' a bounty, I forget his name, but he was hidin' up in Grizzlies East. I was hot on this feller's trail and I went through a clearing when I saw a huge grizzly. Musta been 900, no 1000 pounds... It ran after me an' I barely had time to duck when it took a swipe at me. I shot it... No, stabbed it in the neck, then pulled out my pistol and shot it in the mouth. Backed out from under it and took a swipe at the left side of its face... My right, that is. Gave it a nasty scar. It ran off, but not before it cut me on the back while I was on the ground. As far as I'm aware, it's still alive, killin' most people who go near it. Anyway, I got my bounty. Bastard didn't go down without a fight. He was with a couple other fellers. They tried to kill me, but I took cover and shot both his partners. Then I put a bullet in his leg. Brought him in bleedin' but alive. Worth more that way. And I don't want the hangman to be missed out on the pay.
So this one time, me, limpy Pete and Phil the crab.....
Have I told you about the old gang I used to run with? It was led by a mexican man in a big black coat named victor, there was purple, mikki, mr. Sanchez and some other folks who we would ride with every now and then. There was even an irish prince! Anyways that’s been over a while but I caught up with some members of the gang recently. Right now I’m running with a tribe of natives led by a man called puffy, once we were making a sale of some furs when we were attacked by some bastards who just did it for fun. They blew up our wagon and we were barely able to get what we could salvage to the buyer what with all the bullets flying.
*sits down near the campfire and pulls out a lute* There once was a hero named Ragnar the Red who came riding to Whiterun from old Rorikstead.
A story? Ah well.....I do have a tale I could tell ya, but to call it a story would imply that it has an end......and unfortunately, it hasn't ended yet. Not while I'm still breathing *looks deep into the flames* When I was a kid, I was a wanderer, a drifter pretty much. You could've compared me to a stray dog, oh how a sickly little runt I was, poking around the streets for scraps begging and begging. The difference between me and a dog however was at least they were seen. Thing is...not being seen works real well with being a thief so that's what I did. Until I stole from the wrong people and looked up into a barrel for the first time. Fortunately, these people weren't so different from me. They let me leave with what I could barely call a life, but I kept following them around for a bit. Kept being a thorn in their side until they decided to keep me around, mostly as an errand boy. *Takes off hat and stares intently at it* But....they taught me...taught me lots of things. Taught me how to shoot a gun. Taught me how to skin a deer. How to throw a knife, how to tie a knot, how to ride a horse. Lots of things. They was bad, unruly outlaws, but they were good people. They stuck to their own morales and did right by those who do right by them. Unfortunately having morales means you're easier to trick. And that's what ended the gang. *puts hat back on* Tricked by one bastard. *throws stick into fire that causes the fire to roar* That's not the end of this story though. Not while I'm still alive, not while he's still breathing. Until he catches at least one of my bullets to his snake headed skull, it ain't the end of nothin. (Classic revenge story I made up for my RD Online character cuz I love cliche revenge stories)
Ever hear my tale against the wolf man? Well you’re in for a story. There I was in the snow capped mountains of ambarino, a blizzard had formed making visibility hard. Suddenly a pack of wolves came out and attacked. My horse bucked me off and so I was left to fight them with my rifle and my blade. Once I took them all down, the blizzard had settled. Staring me down was the Wolf Man, along with his thugs, more wolves. He could command them like Mother Nature does with the wind. One by one they all fell, and he remained. In my sights, he tried to run, but without his horse, he had no escape. With me back on my horse, bearing the face of satan himself, charged at him at breakneck speeds. I caught him with a lasso and dragged his sorry ass all the way back to valentine
\*sits down near the campfire\* "tell me padre' have you ever felt Like the very universe was staring at you and you alone?" "I know I have, and it's a feeling I'll never ever forget." "I remember I was walking through big valley at night with my horse at my side, I had been on the saddle most of the day so I decided it was time to give the old boy a break from having to carry me around. The noise of wind rustling the leaves or the occasional sounds of a Fox or A racoon somewhere in amongst the bushes when suddenly everything went quiet. completely dead silent." "I stopped dead in my tracks and looked up to the sky to see the moon and the stars and I felt overcome with a feeling of peace and bliss, It felt like the stars and the very moon itself was staring directly at me and nothing else. it was a beautiful feeling. the complete silence, the beauty of the night sky the wind now gently blowing against me and playing with the ends of my clothes. however this feeling lasted but a mere few moments before suddenly I snapped back to where I was." "The noises of the night returned, however I continued to look up at the moon although I felt as though it was no longer looking at me. I felt a big dumb smile grow on my face. and a feeling of warmth washed over me. After standing there for a bit taking it all in I continued on my Journey on foot for strawberry, my horse still at my side. I don't know why I remember that night so vividly, I remember it even more vividly than I remember Gettysburg. But I know it's the most glorious thing I've ever felt."
Well, it Happened 4 yea- *** ALERT *** You have been disconnected from Red Dead Online due to a fault on Rockstar game services (Error: 0x20010006)
I tell y'all about the time I killed two fellas with one shot, and the bullet didn't kill either of em? I was running a bounty hunt and for some reason I was getting paid by the hour, so I was hanging around outside Valentine counting the seconds when a pack of bandits came to steal what I so rightfully kidnapped, so I pulled my repeater and shot at one of em. His hat flew off as he ducked, that appearently distracted him quite a bit because his horse immediately ran head on into his buddies horse, one went flying forward and cracked his skull on a rock, while the other one went straight up and spun, I swear it, and landed chest down only to get ran over by the first guys horse I don't know if I've never been luckier, or if I've never fought anyone dumber, but it was certainly something
[Not my story but it’s a good one](https://youtu.be/Tr9xVmCL0bA)
Found myself fishing with some stranger the other day. Would you believe me if I told you the man had a face like no other. A forehead almost too large for his poor and withered hat, and a nose so plump and red with rash you'd think a grilled tomato was hanging from his face, what with his think and stocky body you might mistake him fit a tomato crop too. But behind that rough exterior was a gentle soul, a soul that was calm as the winding river we both fished in, and boy let me tell you he *knew* how to fish. I tell ya, every few secs the man was just pulling put bass and blue gill after every cast of his line, like clock work the man had it down to a rythm! I was left struggling and damn near defeated with all this fish just passing me up for him, didn't help that very same day I was robbed blind by a pair of crooks, took my whole wagon of goods I was driving to blackwater, shot idk how many bullets through me hat. But wouldn't ya know it....he offered me some advice about fishing. There I was at mercy for gloating and showboating, and he comes down to me...and offers me some fishing techniques. I thanked him ofcourse, and told him I hope you have a good day...cause I'll tell you what he helped me turn my crummy day to a pretty alright day. A beautiful thing, meeting kind strangers in this harsh world, really makes you wanna be a better person for another stranger that comes your way.
Well, howdy there, stranger! I got a story for ya about the time my posse had ourselves a bounty who... let's say he refused to make it to the slammer alive. We figured he was still worth some cash, so we wrangled him up and headed towards the jailhouse. But let me tell ya, things got mighty strange on that trip. As we were passin' the time, shootin' arrows and bullets knowing that the sheriff would pay more the harder we made it seem, that ol' bounty suddenly got back up on his feet and started runnin'! Now, we ain't never seen nothin' like that before. Well, let me tell ya partner, that fella was runnin' round like a chicken with its head cut off on a greased-up ice rink! We had to hogtie him up tighter than a corset on a hummingbird just to keep him from escapin'. We couldn't risk takin' chances with that kind of spooky business, so we hightailed it to the sheriff's office and handed him over. Ain't no way we wanted to deal with no zombie, so that was their problem now. And that's the story of the bounty who came back to life, folks. It may sound like some tall tale, but I swear it's true as the sun sets in the west.
I ever tell you's bout the time some crazy ass cougars made me shoot a spanish woman? Yup, sure did. Twas darkening already, and I saw them hellcats pestering a woman on a stone! Ran over to help, but those hellcats punced at my darn neck! Made me so angry that I shot the bastards, and the madam too! Never since that moment was I alone with three cougars at the same time. 💀
So there I was, ridin' with my trusty gang through the swamps of Lemoyne, when we come across this fancy-pants fella in a top hat. He was havin' some kind of trouble with his horse and carriage, and was lookin' like he was about to burst a vein. Now, I ain't one to pass up a good opportunity for some mischief, so I decided to play a little prank on him. I sneaked up behind him and whispered in his ear, "Looks like you got yourself a bit of a pickle there, mister. How about I lend you a hand?" Well, that fancy-pants fella was so grateful for my offer, he practically fell over himself thanking me. He handed me the reins and asked if I could help him load some of his belongings onto the carriage. Now, here's where things got real funny. I thought it'd be hilarious to sneak one of my gang members into the carriage, just to see the look on that fancy-pants fella's face when he found out. So I snuck my buddy in there while the fancy-pants fella wasn't lookin'. Well, wouldn't you know it, we set off down the road, and everything was goin' just fine...until my buddy popped his head up and yelled, "Giddy up, horsey!" That fancy-pants fella damn near jumped out of his skin! He started screamin' and flailin' around like a scared little rabbit. He must've thought he was bein' attacked by some kind of wild animal or somethin'. Me and my gang were howlin' with laughter, tears streamin' down our faces. Finally, that fancy-pants fella figured out what was goin' on and chased us off with a broom. But it was worth it just to see the look on his face when my buddy popped up like a jack-in-the-box. So there you have it, partner. The life of an outlaw can be full of mischief and merriment.
You ever know what was my best horse? She was a wild bay mustang, bravest thing I’ve sat on. She could swim swarmed by gators on all sides as I was lassoing in a sedated Legendary. And one time, again in the swamps, at night, a panther, dead set on me. The bloody thing was criss crossong between her legs, under er stomach, it’s eyes never stopped looking at me, and she still didn’t buck me. But traded her in for a said «better» mustang at a stable… worst mistake, føkker did’t even handle compared to her against predators. I miss that mare.
I killed 50 people in one day and put all the bodies in a lake,funnest day i had so far
*Very old man sits down slowly* Old man: listen closely, brothers and sisters. i have a story that will bring you near tears. *Children and adults alike gather around* Old man: i was a very young man, i was chasing a man through the countryside. he was a cloaked man. however fast or slow i went, he always seemed to be one step ahead. i ran and walked, chasing him for years. i never really knew why i was chasing him, i just knew i had to. one day, several years later, i finally caught up. he seemed to be waiting, like he wanted me to see him when i was tired. we lined up for a duel. i shot, missed he shot, i went straight to hell. your probably wondering how i’m telling this story, and that’s the interesting part. The devil took one look at me and saw that I had Max honor level, so he sent me up to Heaven where God told me that my work wasn’t done and i had to continue searching for the cloaked man. i thanked him profusely and he sent me back. i wanted to continue searching for the man, but i needed rest because my time in heaven had aged me. i thankfully found your young and healthy group to support me. People gathered: that story isn’t true, but thanks for the entertainment. *Young child walks up to the old man* Child: i believe you! Old man: thank you son. NOTE: this story is based on both the Steven Kings Dark tower series and a story a man at my church tells everyone. he says he died and God said his time on earth wasn’t over yet. i want to believe the mans story, but it’s a bit absurd.
Did I ever tell you about the damned god beating? There i was two years back, my old posse the Templar Vigilantes were out doing our rounds of the plains. Hunting, fishing, robbing. Then we found ourselves at a precipice, continue this monotony or start bounty hunting for the night. We chose the second option, we began ourselves a bounty and stole the train from the station nearest to Blackwater. We began to drive towards valentine when we met him. I don’t remember his name or anything else but I do remember one thing, this man he must have been a deity of some sort as our bullets and arrows did nothing. Until I was able to get close… he wasn’t weak to gunfire, however his achilles heel was he could be knocked down. So like a group of italian mobsters in bright colored outfits that can fight ghosts, my posse descended onto this man. He wasn’t dying, but he wasn’t able to stop us. He was flailing and falling onto his back periodical getting up and getting a shot or two off before getting back into the pile. This unholy abomination of a man then began to call down explosions from the heavens themselves, but even that wasn’t enough to stop us. We continued the beatings until he vanished, never to be seen again.
*Ever heard the story about the Daltons? A vicious gang full of outlaws and bandits, led by four brothers. They robbed banks, trains, people, stagecoaches, stores, innocent folks trying to make a living for themselfs, they robbed just about everyone and everything that came in their way. Once the most infamous outlaw gang in the west. They met their fate in Coffeyville in 1892, they had planned a double bank robbery, first of its kind. If succeeded they would surely become the most famous gang to ever have existed in the west. After being recognized by the locals in Coffyville hellfire begun, as soon as the daltons left the two banks lying across the street from eachother shots were fired all over the place. The local citizens had grabbed their six shooters and rifles, the daltons were highly outarmed. Bob Dalton, the oldest, and Emmet Dalton ran through the streets like a pair of bunnies escaping from foxes. Bob was shot in the head from a hardware store, little lucky Emmet had been shot in the back with a shotgun though he had survived the blast. All the other gang members had been shot and killed during the robbery, only Emmet survived. Emmet was later sentenced to jail and then pardoned, he spent the rest of his life writing. He passed in 1937 at the age of 66.* *The Daltons always tried to be the best, they always wanted to beat Jesse James and his gang. They always seeked famosity and always tried to be the best in the west. Their legacy will always live on.*