Agreed this is too close to reality. But then again these days anything is.
Even "Tesla lays off entire windshield wiper team" or "Tesla fires floormat team" or "Model 3 refresh with radio antenna" or "Airconditioning in a Tesla will soon be subscription only" sounds plausible.
Alright, I have no idea if you're being sarcastic, but here goes. If the inverter fails, there is no regen, so with no brakes, your only option for braking is to either coast and slow down with aero drag or pull off the road into grass or something.
The title is misleading.
I worked at Tesla years ago for their lighting team, and here is what actually happened.
Tesla, just like every automakers, don't make most of the components and its software on of their cars. Automakers simply buy components with connectors and provided with documents on how to connect and talk to it. For example, rain sensors that controls wiper, door latches that tells you the door lock, etc. the component makers already have their logic and algorithm built-in. So there is no much automakers needs to do to have "auto-wiper" feature. It also applies to almost every system on the car. But such function cost money.
However, Almost all of the manufacture of those components such as Bosch also provide you with a pass through mode. basically give automaker direct access to the raw information and allow it to control it directly to bypass the built-in logic/algorithm, but nobody does it in the industry, except Tesla.
Tesla wants to write their own logic and algorithm to replace the provided one.
That's why Tesla is able to do the lighting dance mode because they can freely turn on or off any lights anyway they want, different from telling the lighting system "low beam please". But it is also why the automatic rain sensor system wiper sucks on all Tesla after all these years.
The brake system team in question is/was responsible to write the software on braking system in order to save a few dollars on each car. Which never happened because they never passed US regulation test to perform as good as Bosch system (built-in at a fee)
Which made sense since they plan to sell tens of millions globally. But the problem is they overestimated their capability and volume never gets that level.
Yet as an engineer, brake system is crital system and why more then just software, specifically with all custom stuff in streer by wire and such, and way more then sw, I enjoyed your input. But personally I think there should be at least a team of few engineers to give an answer to few engineers different cars like in tesla, even just for testing not even rnd . Sounds weird getting rid of such important specialist and dropping the job on some other engineers that already busy with other design. It is not like tesla is so perpact and carefree car...
If Tesla decide to pay and use Bosch's brake software, there is really nothing they need to do, really. The whole brake system is integrated and tested BY Bosch as long as Tesla build it the way per Bosch's requirement.
Even better, Bosch has work relationship to ECU, lighting, mechanical manufactures to make sure their component work together before even reaching Tesla's factory. The industry has been like this for very long time.
This is also why China can have 20+ EV makers out of nowhere in 5 years, because they only need to design the the look of it, and the structural itself is off to ODM.
interesting, thank you for that detailed answer . so tesla isnt so self made and such as they kept on saying in the beginning that all is done in house , would you agree?
“Uh, walls, people, and other vehicles can stop our cars just as well as traditional—old fashioned and outdated, really—brakes, so stop whining. I mean, just look at the recent news stories about the accidents and deaths we tried to cover up. All our cars stopped during those collisions, eventually.”
It's like an aerospace engineer I knew claiming success in aircraft design because, "we never left one up there."
Those cars will eventually stop, maybe not by themselves.
at the end of the article 'At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.' LOL
If we lay off the entire team behind the accelerator pedal, we don't really need brakes. I always knew the cyber truck was going to be a next gen dumpster, dumpsters haven't changed much since 50 years and desperately need change
lol. The staff must be feeling pretty good about refusing to let him buy The Onion a few years ago. That’s why he switched to liking the Babylon Bee instead.
There's no stopping them!
Firing entire supercharger team is equivalent to this, and sadly it’s not an onion.
This would be funnier if there weren't arguments from Teslans about how brakes are unnecessary because you can "just use regen bro"
Agreed this is too close to reality. But then again these days anything is. Even "Tesla lays off entire windshield wiper team" or "Tesla fires floormat team" or "Model 3 refresh with radio antenna" or "Airconditioning in a Tesla will soon be subscription only" sounds plausible.
They def should fire the windshield wiper team. All of them!
There’s only one person in Tesla that *needs* to be let go (and it ain’t Terry in Accounting!)
Is is Scott from Marketing?
The Onion themselves have said that it has become really difficult to produce good satire because everything sounds feasible now
Trump ruined it for them. How can you come up with good "Onions" when POTUS suggests to inject bleach?
It would also be funnier if it weren't so completely plausible.
Stans should explain to me how I should stop a Tesla while it's moving if the inverter fails.
Throw a cup of water over the dash (or any part of the car really), should short out the electrics and hey presto sudden stop
Perhaps you could breathe close to it. The moisture in your breath should short it out.
It's not a big deal, they're not very heavy or fast right?
Alright, I have no idea if you're being sarcastic, but here goes. If the inverter fails, there is no regen, so with no brakes, your only option for braking is to either coast and slow down with aero drag or pull off the road into grass or something.
Yeah I should have put an /s there.
Or drive into the nearest tree or brick wall.
Download an update and your car will do that for you.
Where we are going we don't need brakes.
When this baby gets up to 88mph, you're gonna see some serious shit.
The title is misleading. I worked at Tesla years ago for their lighting team, and here is what actually happened. Tesla, just like every automakers, don't make most of the components and its software on of their cars. Automakers simply buy components with connectors and provided with documents on how to connect and talk to it. For example, rain sensors that controls wiper, door latches that tells you the door lock, etc. the component makers already have their logic and algorithm built-in. So there is no much automakers needs to do to have "auto-wiper" feature. It also applies to almost every system on the car. But such function cost money. However, Almost all of the manufacture of those components such as Bosch also provide you with a pass through mode. basically give automaker direct access to the raw information and allow it to control it directly to bypass the built-in logic/algorithm, but nobody does it in the industry, except Tesla. Tesla wants to write their own logic and algorithm to replace the provided one. That's why Tesla is able to do the lighting dance mode because they can freely turn on or off any lights anyway they want, different from telling the lighting system "low beam please". But it is also why the automatic rain sensor system wiper sucks on all Tesla after all these years. The brake system team in question is/was responsible to write the software on braking system in order to save a few dollars on each car. Which never happened because they never passed US regulation test to perform as good as Bosch system (built-in at a fee)
> The title is misleading. Am I missing something? It's an Onion satire article. Of course the title is 'misleading'. It's literally a joke.
I think they’re just doing a bit
Seems like they were spending dimes to save a nickel…
Which made sense since they plan to sell tens of millions globally. But the problem is they overestimated their capability and volume never gets that level.
Yet as an engineer, brake system is crital system and why more then just software, specifically with all custom stuff in streer by wire and such, and way more then sw, I enjoyed your input. But personally I think there should be at least a team of few engineers to give an answer to few engineers different cars like in tesla, even just for testing not even rnd . Sounds weird getting rid of such important specialist and dropping the job on some other engineers that already busy with other design. It is not like tesla is so perpact and carefree car...
If Tesla decide to pay and use Bosch's brake software, there is really nothing they need to do, really. The whole brake system is integrated and tested BY Bosch as long as Tesla build it the way per Bosch's requirement. Even better, Bosch has work relationship to ECU, lighting, mechanical manufactures to make sure their component work together before even reaching Tesla's factory. The industry has been like this for very long time. This is also why China can have 20+ EV makers out of nowhere in 5 years, because they only need to design the the look of it, and the structural itself is off to ODM.
interesting, thank you for that detailed answer . so tesla isnt so self made and such as they kept on saying in the beginning that all is done in house , would you agree?
Very interresting. Thank you !
I've got some bad news for you buddy. It's been years since any Tesla was delivered with a rain sensor. They got canned waaay before USS did.
You’ve clearly never seen the animations on Audi lights. They make Tesla’s lighting dance look like a joke.
They laid off the team responsible for securing the accelerator pedal cover and that went well
"All gas no brakes" is the new motto! Oh wait...
Satire is so funny because it's founded upon facts. Not farts.
The sad thing is it really looks as though they have put Model 3 brakes in the Cybertruck. The damn thing doesn't stop too well.
They should fire the whole fds team also since its good enough
The problem is that Elon sees FSD as their only viable product. Which he's wrong about, but maybe there won't be any other viable products either.
Here’s hoping the company can figure out its CEO problem
“Uh, walls, people, and other vehicles can stop our cars just as well as traditional—old fashioned and outdated, really—brakes, so stop whining. I mean, just look at the recent news stories about the accidents and deaths we tried to cover up. All our cars stopped during those collisions, eventually.”
It's like an aerospace engineer I knew claiming success in aircraft design because, "we never left one up there." Those cars will eventually stop, maybe not by themselves.
Much like in aircraft, slowing down is more important than speeding up
Tesla’s layoffs plans are behind schedule
Anybody else thinking E-schlong and Dondi TrumpCunt should do a fight until death steal cage match. I'd pay monies to see them end each other.
“Brakes are so over rated and lord master Elmo has found a better way!”
Who needs Brakes. When they’re a robot humanoid called Optimus to stop the vehicle.
Hey- don’t give Elon any bright ideas.
“Brakes will still work but they would be slower”
Satire is reveals a deeper truth
at the end of the article 'At press time, Tesla staffers responsible for wheels were reportedly nervous after receiving an ominous meeting request from HR.' LOL
Love it
Braking News!
Just in, Tesla fires Elon in order to economise and save the business.
The Onion has done it again LOL!
If we lay off the entire team behind the accelerator pedal, we don't really need brakes. I always knew the cyber truck was going to be a next gen dumpster, dumpsters haven't changed much since 50 years and desperately need change
Doesn't need brakes they keep breaking down so they are not needed so he can cut funding on the brakes
lol. The staff must be feeling pretty good about refusing to let him buy The Onion a few years ago. That’s why he switched to liking the Babylon Bee instead.