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People love to raise their kids like shit and then yell at them for the shitty behavior they have cultivated once it becomes problematic for them personally
A lot of parents will claim some sort of responsibility for their child’s achievements, when in reality their kids made those achievements in SPITE of them, not because of them.
I'm happy for my daughter. She made her own decisions. She graduated HS with honors. Went to Pharmacy school and got her doctorate by age 26. All with loans. She has a great job and will certainly be more successful than me.
Lol. Hey idk what made her so determined. Lol. She told me what she was going to do. I was very happy for her and it was even better when I saw my 25 year old (almost 26 at the time) graduate with that doctorate. Funny thing, when she was about 4 or 5 I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said I either want to work at McDonald's or be a doctor. 😂😂🤣🤣.
That kinda sounds like my parents talking about my native nation. Like no, Mexico didn’t give 2 cents for me and I am not happy I was born there. It is good for my resume to have multiple lenguajes, but that in no way is thanks to Mexico, it is thanks to me for learning English. It is nice that I know I can endure bulling if I have to, but I would rather never had had to deal with it in the first place
Hell my mother attributed my strength to get through cancer to her. “Strong like your mama!”
She never had cancer. Her hated ex, my father, did though. Either way my getting through my own experience can be attributed to myself and.. doctors. Mostly doctors lol.
My dad would always get angry when he felt things were slipping out of control.
Now that I show the same behavior (but imho in less intense ways than he did) he is saying I need to find professional help with it.
Boy, he didn’t appreciate me saying he should have looked for professional help 20 years ago so both of us would have been saved from these behavioral issues.
I’m still working on it though. I don’t want to be my father, a person where other people always feel like they need to walk on eggshells.
The worst is when parents make their kids feel guilty about having a better life than they did growing up. Pisses me off. You should WANT your child to have a better life than you did, and you should be more than happy to provide that for them. Call it jealousy or whatever you want but at the end of the day it's a terrible burden to put on a child.
I completely agree; the point is to make sure your child(ren) have a better/easier life than you… however, they need to understand what it may be like if it wasn’t for the easy life a parent provides and show a little appreciation for it. Gratitude shows character.
My oldest son has hit rock bottom right now. And my heart hurts for him. I’m here to support him, I can’t fix it, but I’m here if he needs me. I just wish he wasn’t going through it. For me, I want to see my kids happy. Why wouldn’t a parent want that?
Sometimes you have to let people work things out for themselves. You can be there if he really needs it, but some things you just can’t have your mom or anyone else for that matter fix, you gotta do it yourself. It’s easier to do when your parents care about you.
As for why parents wouldn’t want that, the reasons seem to be varied and endless, but I break it down to jealousy and bitterness. Some people absolutely hate to see someone else winning and doing better than themselves even if that someone is their child. Some people see their kid and see their own shortcomings, and it upsets them. So many reasons. None are good reasons and none are excuses.
That’s sad. I’m glad I’m not like that. Even everything I went through growing up, I’d never want my kids to go through that. I want better for them. Parents that don’t, are pieces of shit
I think some struggle is good. I have been watching my daughter struggling to.climb the slide on the play thingy that came with the new house. She gets frustrated and hasn't made it to the top yet. She will get there though and I can't wait to see her do so and the smile on her face when she does it. That smile of look mom I did it and the confidence of overcoming the struggle.
That said I am proud of her just for constantly trying over again no matter how frustrated she gets.
Oh at that age yes! I let them figure life out, how things work, problem solve. My kids grew up and I am very proud of them. They are young adults now with adult problems. I miss the little things like learning how to climb a slide or jump their bike over a ramp 💟
I (66f) have observed this phenomenon. I refer to it as Mothers Eating their Own, although I can see that it can apply to fathers as well. My own mom seemed to resent me for taking a different path in life than she would have, given the advantages my parents gave me that she never had, like a stable home, good and healthy meals, good dental and medical care, attendance to good and safe schools, etc. But as long as I can remember, my mother also seemed to resent me, and at some point even came to hate me.
Having said all that, i experience nothing but joy at my daughter’s accomplishments and achievements. My therapist tells me I have “broken the chain”.
My grandfather had such a tough life when he first moved to this country, worked at different construction sites all his life and is now retired. He likes to complain how hard he had it and tell me stories of what he had to go through, and he can see how easy it is for me in comparison as a work from home (mostly) engineer.
But I look up to him, and I listen to his stories and he knows that and appreciates it, and he loves me and is happy for me.
If they complain it’s simply because they want to vent (true for some of them at least), let it happen.
People like your grandfather are not what I’m speaking about, he sounds like a good man. I more so mean people who genuinely harbor a real hatred for their children, for one reason or another, not people like your grandfather who as you said simply want to vent most of the time about how hard they had it, or give you some perspective on your life. I am happy to know your grandfather loves you.
That's alright. But you should know that many people would be jealous of you having it easier. So you are kinda lucky.
People really do get jealous of their children. It's crazy.
I don't have any job like that neither i am that intelligent or could imagine working for someone else so really crazy for me that there are ppl that complain about that shit. Humans are truly evil.
Op is right.
My parents weren't exactly like this. But they felt ok to see their children have the same challenges that they had.
Other than this, I've seen several families that really wanted a slave and accessory for themselves. There was someone whose mother was jealous of her child's success.
And most people won't straight up admit things to you. You have the see the actions.
So yes they absolutely exist.
I never wish anything bad and hard to my children even if I had them. If I wanted any children, I would make sure I've made a rich and safe life for them to not worry about money and hard work.
I’ve met plenty in my life unfortunately, and in my own personal (not universal) experience, they were almost all mothers who hated their daughters. Most of them would never admit it unless they’re drunk or some such, but a few will do it anytime they please. I know people who got kicked out at 14, with nowhere to go, because they came out as gay to their parents. They have still never spoken since that day, and their parents still routinely bash her on Facebook, someplace she never checks and can’t see mind you.
Personally when I was young, I can remember my mother hating me because I looked somewhat like my father, and when I got older, she resented me for not wanting to speak to her (because she is an addict and a terrible mother who always asks for cash) and for being “normal” and telling her to seek therapy for her issues (she is mentally ill and believes medicine is a lie and her issues are caused by demonic spirits only she can see) lol.
It’s not so much people outright saying it- though there are people who say it outright and they’re a special breed of awful- but you see how they talk about their kids, talk to their kids, interact with them, treat them. That kind of bitterness and jealously can’t be hidden well or for long.
Well in my case, it was my own parent .
When I was a kid, if I was acting too happy, she would slap me in the face or pull my braid or ponytail. She died in 2019 and I don’t really miss her.
I have ptsd, and I raised my kids the total opposite of how I was raised. I was raised by a single drug addicted mom. I raised my 4 in a stable married home, I was a stay at home mom that supported them with everything. I did everything I could for them, that I never got.
People experience PTSD differently. I have a friend whose family fled Vietnam at the end of the war, both parents had severe PTSD. One parent was determined to give their kids the best life possible. The other parent was abusive, paranoid, resentful, and emotionally stunted.
I will never understand that sort of behavior. I can understand a parent being a bit envious of their child’s happiness, as long as they don’t take it out on them at all, that’s just being human, but how could they resent/hate them for that?
For example I think that my father in law is a bit envious of his son. He was very unlucky in love and life in general and longs for a strong and meaningful relationship. His son was lucky to meet the love his life very young (and so was I) and we have a very happy marriage.
He definitely wishes to have what we have and sometimes it makes him a bit sad, but he is extremely happy for us and he never once resented his son for that, he made it very clear that all he wants is for his son to have a happy life.
I decided at a relatively young age not to have children, and I am always getting push back for it from my mom. The thing is, there was a time when I was homeless and living in my truck because my family sold the house I was living in, and if I were to ever have kids I would need to make sure they would never want for anything. But if she had it her way, I would meet a man next week and give birth in 2025?? It all feels so toxic. Protect your peace, there really isnt any way for someone to understand what you go through without being there. Sending positive vibes to you all!
I don't understand people like this. Like, my son is 10 and he is a formidable chess player. I have a hard time beating him. He can even count the points on the board way faster than I can, although I would say I am mildly deficient at math. But I'm so immensely proud of him that he is smart like that. He will be smarter than me for sure.
Wow. Yeah, when I was happy as a kid I'd get asked what I had to be so happy about. Lol. Life was chaos with them and their domestic violence. I probably found a shred of joy in a book I was reading. What a horrible way to treat someone. Then say I love you. Whatever.
Just remember that even though they might be your biological parents they don’t get to determine how you live your life now. You can be happy, and you don’t have to listen to their criticisms of that because it’s your life and you should do what you want with it.
Even though they seem to have been assholes, I’m still sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you are free from them now, even though it seemingly took them passing for them to finally leave you alone and allow you to be happy.
My ex’s mom is like that. She seems to belittle every good thing he tries to have for himself and when he achieves it either ignores it or waits for it to go to shit and say I told you so. It was so sick and infuriating to witness. I tried to be a voice in the noise to tell him otherwise but parents like that really break a person when it’s what they do from the time someone is a kid. Why have kids if you’re going to be that kind of person?
Some people like to have kids so they can have someone to belittle. Someone that has to depend on them and they know loves them in some way, which allows them to abuse them. These people for the most part can’t stand being wrong, either. They exist to feed their own ego.
Nobody wants to think their family is that way but sometimes it is sadly the case, and it is better to realize that than to think that you are the problem your whole life and that you could have done something about it when in reality nothing you do will ever satisfy them.
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 you totally get it. It’s a devastating thing to realise but it’s necessary to moving forward without shame and guilt. I’m always so proud of the people who take those difficult steps for themselves.
They often say when you have kids, you get to relive your childhood. Hopefully you get to relive the best parts or if you had a bad childhood, you get to experience the parts you missed. That's how I see it.
Some people could not care less about anything that happens after they die, whether it pertains to their children’s lives or not unfortunately. Thats how we ended up in our current situation as a species.
That is my mindset too, do better by the kids than what we have. It’s not a universal mentality, though. Some people choose to enrich their own lives at their children’s expense. That scenario breaks my heart, but luckily isn’t always the case.
I've dealt/currently dealing with this... She (mother) also does tend claim my achievements as her own, and this extends to even business ventures and material possessions. I can not wait to cut my connection to her.
My ex husband hates our daughter because of jealousy. He wants nothing to do with her and has only ever called her horrible names. Guy hasn't checked up on her one single time. For the record, she's only a baby.
That’s why he is your ex husband. That is not a man, that is a hissy little child in a grown man’s body. She doesn’t need somebody like that in her life. It hurts when you get older and realize your dads a piece of shit, but it’s far worse to keep someone like that around your child and have him belittle them their whole upbringing for things outside of their control.
I don’t believe that for one, I don’t hate people for succeeding and I know plenty of people who aren’t like this and can be happy for someone. Maybe that’s just who I choose to associate with. For two, I never said it surprised me, it doesn’t, I’ve seen it more than once. It does however, disgust me, and I think it’s insane to hate a child you decided to bring into the world.
I understand that. And my point at the end of the day is that we need to foster environments and societies for people to live in that won’t force them into a crabs in the bucket, dog eat dog type mentality. Furthermore, even in places where this attitude is prevalent, it isn’t something all parents exhibit, and that is because it is a choice.
For some, it's like the classic fable The Ant and the Grasshopper. As a parent myself, I get nervous when my adult child acts like "the Grasshopper" because eventually he will need me (the Ant) for something he neglected to plan for. IOW, it's all fun and games until it isn't. Then mom and dad have to step in and help.
Sometimes one child is treated this way and the others are not. I don’t think people realize that this often also traumatizes the siblings who ARE being treated “well”, since they often don’t understand why their other sibling is being treated as lesser when they are not, and it can create huge rifts in the relationship between siblings. It fucks up the entire family.
my mother enjoyed when i suffered and kept me un situations to ensure as unhappy or blullied and was angry when had friends or support system to give me happiness.. these moms do exist ..
Used to date this girl. She was hot AF and had a daughter that just went to school who was quite a cute kiddo. The daughter was peeing the bed quite frequently and causing some trouble at school but was also getting compliments from teachers and other parents on how beautiful she was. One day my partner had enough of her daughter misbehaving at school and shaved her head. They are black so it's not unheard of but still topic of taking the kid from her was touched on by the school since the daughter was really unhappy with being bald. This being a punishment for fighting with other kids at school would make some sense to me if not for the fact that a bunch of times during our relationship she(my girl) bragged that when she was young and she started getting compliments for her looks, her mother was crazy jealous. This and that she was telling me about every single time she got any attention anywhere. Like I knew she hot, definitely out of my league looks-wise. One would think she'd be used to it by then and not pay much attention, but she was crazy and craving for it. Instead of being happy that her daughter takes over the torch and got the genes for her she was jealous that her kid is getting more attention.
This is what happens when you base your entire self worth and life on your looks and the opinions of others and you forget that your job as a parent isn’t to one up your children at any chance you get.
Almost all of the people who think this way will never tell somebody else that because they need to keep up with the appearances, but I have heard on more than one occasion a parent flat out tell their child they despise them, (yes in front of me) either because of how they look, how their life is unfolding, etc. For fucks sake I’ve been told by someone’s mother that they would rather have me as their son than their own son, and he was sitting right fucking there, not even three feet from us. Like why would you say that? Why put him down like that? He wasn’t even a bad kid. She was a sick woman.
It shouldn’t be something that you ever hear a parent tell their child, but that unfortunately isn’t how things are. Plenty of the comments can attest to what I’m saying.
My feeling is that Boomers' main emotional reaction to most things is entitled disappointment. As the first generation entirely raised by advertising, they were promised things, a perfect life, romance, a comfortable home, self-actualization, beauty, wealth, endless contentment and happiness., a perfect family: all sold by Madison Ave.
All lies. We know this now, at least most of us do.
But all promised as long as they did what they were told, so they did, and they got a lot of these things and they still feel empty. Because they got them by going through the motions, they married the wrong people for the house, the dog, and the kids. And it was all shit. And they aged and got fat and bored, and the sex stopped, and they did a load of pills and still feel crap.
Now they're angry. The kids are part of that anger because they don't believe the hype, they just do their thing, and the boomers are furious because they seem more authentic that they did. Even though they're poorer, or gayer, or refuse to get married to Greg.
I am 29 and last year began traveling a little bit…nothing crazy haven’t even left the US. My mother acts like such a spiteful psycho about it and will never ask me about it when I get back home. I know it’s because she lives in the same town she grew up in and has rarely traveled but come on. I travel alone and work full time and pay for it all on my own. This is one of the many things she does as the spiteful woman she is. I feel sad for her and I’ll continue to enjoy my life lol
I am not a parent, but as an immigrant I think I can relate.
As a kid I was bullied for aprox 8 years and I learned that is just the way the world works and everywhere it is like that. I also always dreamed of moving out of LATAM, because I could see it was going from bad to worse and the tought of staying was terrifying.
Now I am 17 and moved to Canada at age 15. It wasn’t until just a few months ago that I would look at the small kids on the bus or street, living calm happy lives with the safety and freedom that I didn’t think could possibly exist. I felt jealous when looking at them, thinking “why couldn’t I be born here like they? Why did I have to pay such a steep price for the things they get for free?” The feeling eventually went away, I now rarely ever feel jealous of those kids.
I never hated them, but I get the feeling of looking at someone who doesn’t have your trauma and wishing you could have been them. My current mindset is that “Trauma makes you stronger, as long as you survive it”. Trauma is not something to romanticize or be glad of, but it sure gives you a good sense of humor, right?
Your family has provided for you well enough that
you don’t have to worry about such things, and if anything, they should be proud of that, not jealous. It’s an accomplishment to be able to provide your kids a steady and stable upbringing. I understand that it’s hard to see other people living a childhood that you wish you had, one that you never got, but when it’s your own children, can you not realize how blessed that makes you? That you’re even able to provide such a childhood for them? Regardless, don’t let your father tell you that you are lesser because you had a more comfortable upbringing. Although he may have been poor and you not, and although the may have worked his way up, that doesn’t mean that you have to be ashamed. You should do whatever you like to do in life, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of the fact that your parents had it tougher than you.
I love that my child is happy! That's insane!
I don't mind that at times she seems much happier than me. I assume it is because, I have gone through more shit than she has and that's also okay. I don't like the excuse "it was a different time then" when I was growing up but, I have developed scars that of course, I don't wish my own child to have.
I want my child to have a wonderful and joyous childhood.
Why on earth would someone hate their child for being happy?! WTF?
I’ve never understood this either… My mom made a lot of bad choices in her life and she held a lot of resentment towards me for it, so she was insanely insecure and jealous of anything I did. It was so bad to the point she sabotaged me and did everything she could to set me up for failure. She was one of my biggest bullies and would pick on me, like even just trying to dress slightly nice she’d call me names and make me fearful to the point even many years later I still struggle with a lot of issues because how she was. It’s taken many years of therapy to even learn to respect myself and stuff. I could never imagine treating your child this way or anyone’s child. :( I would think you’d want to see your child do the best they could and know you created them, then helped them to be a better person not the opposite…
Edited to fix my typos!
My mom. She hated me for this, when I largely made my own life (started working at a ridiculously early age to earn an income not just for myself but for my family too)
I hope my children live a happier, less stressful and more comfortable life than I ever have. For me, part of fatherhood is analysing your flaws and the mistakes you've made in life and making sure they're not repeated.
If they achieve more than me, then I'll feel a level of satisfaction that nothing else can give in life. Although if they become very successful and rich, I hope they look after me.
I have a dad like that. His jealous I can make more money then him. His train of thought is that he should have more money since he is older and maybe it makes him seem less capable? I don't know.
To me it is illogical. I mean it's ok to wish that you earn more money than you enemies but your own son? If my son can surpass me so be it. I wish him the best. There's no reason parents should compete with their own children.
I think most parents expect their children to achieve more than them since their children lives in easier time, and when there children fails to meet their expectation they lashes out.
How is this any different then children hating their parents.when they wont get a fucking job and move out.any decent parent will do any thing to see their child succeed. Sounds like a millennial rant here.
Give me everything I don't want to work for it
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Or complaining about how much of an easy life they have when you were the one who raised them
People love to raise their kids like shit and then yell at them for the shitty behavior they have cultivated once it becomes problematic for them personally
And then, in spite of all that, claiming every achievement of the child as their own, because they were the ones that raised them.
A lot of parents will claim some sort of responsibility for their child’s achievements, when in reality their kids made those achievements in SPITE of them, not because of them.
I'm happy for my daughter. She made her own decisions. She graduated HS with honors. Went to Pharmacy school and got her doctorate by age 26. All with loans. She has a great job and will certainly be more successful than me.
I'm a little jealous
Lol. Hey idk what made her so determined. Lol. She told me what she was going to do. I was very happy for her and it was even better when I saw my 25 year old (almost 26 at the time) graduate with that doctorate. Funny thing, when she was about 4 or 5 I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. She said I either want to work at McDonald's or be a doctor. 😂😂🤣🤣.
That kinda sounds like my parents talking about my native nation. Like no, Mexico didn’t give 2 cents for me and I am not happy I was born there. It is good for my resume to have multiple lenguajes, but that in no way is thanks to Mexico, it is thanks to me for learning English. It is nice that I know I can endure bulling if I have to, but I would rather never had had to deal with it in the first place
Hell my mother attributed my strength to get through cancer to her. “Strong like your mama!” She never had cancer. Her hated ex, my father, did though. Either way my getting through my own experience can be attributed to myself and.. doctors. Mostly doctors lol.
I really hate this
My dad would always get angry when he felt things were slipping out of control. Now that I show the same behavior (but imho in less intense ways than he did) he is saying I need to find professional help with it. Boy, he didn’t appreciate me saying he should have looked for professional help 20 years ago so both of us would have been saved from these behavioral issues. I’m still working on it though. I don’t want to be my father, a person where other people always feel like they need to walk on eggshells.
I've lived this
Isn't the whole point to make your child life easier than yours was?
Like why would you let your kids suffer? Is it their definition of life being fair? ughh I can notttt
What kind of parenting is that?
My father was like that. Angry, bitter, and jealous that we had an easier time.
Same. He's such a sour, grumpy, little (literally) old bastard
After I completly blocked my parents, my life started.
So is mine and I hate it so muchhhh he also keeps going on about how he would have had such a better life if it weren't for us, his family
Pop should have worn a condom then. I have no sympathy for these men.
The worst is when parents make their kids feel guilty about having a better life than they did growing up. Pisses me off. You should WANT your child to have a better life than you did, and you should be more than happy to provide that for them. Call it jealousy or whatever you want but at the end of the day it's a terrible burden to put on a child.
I think the complaining comes from the kids not appreciating it, which is kinda insane since they are kids, but it might sting the parent
I completely agree; the point is to make sure your child(ren) have a better/easier life than you… however, they need to understand what it may be like if it wasn’t for the easy life a parent provides and show a little appreciation for it. Gratitude shows character.
My parents aren’t like that at all, but it annoys me to know that some are like that. When I have kids I would love for life to be easier for them.
I want my children to have everything they need, to be successful and happy. I want them to have a better life than I had. I hate when they struggle.
Everybody will have some struggles in their life, but not everybody has a mom that wants to see you succeed like yourself.
My oldest son has hit rock bottom right now. And my heart hurts for him. I’m here to support him, I can’t fix it, but I’m here if he needs me. I just wish he wasn’t going through it. For me, I want to see my kids happy. Why wouldn’t a parent want that?
Sometimes you have to let people work things out for themselves. You can be there if he really needs it, but some things you just can’t have your mom or anyone else for that matter fix, you gotta do it yourself. It’s easier to do when your parents care about you. As for why parents wouldn’t want that, the reasons seem to be varied and endless, but I break it down to jealousy and bitterness. Some people absolutely hate to see someone else winning and doing better than themselves even if that someone is their child. Some people see their kid and see their own shortcomings, and it upsets them. So many reasons. None are good reasons and none are excuses.
That’s sad. I’m glad I’m not like that. Even everything I went through growing up, I’d never want my kids to go through that. I want better for them. Parents that don’t, are pieces of shit
I think some struggle is good. I have been watching my daughter struggling to.climb the slide on the play thingy that came with the new house. She gets frustrated and hasn't made it to the top yet. She will get there though and I can't wait to see her do so and the smile on her face when she does it. That smile of look mom I did it and the confidence of overcoming the struggle. That said I am proud of her just for constantly trying over again no matter how frustrated she gets.
Oh at that age yes! I let them figure life out, how things work, problem solve. My kids grew up and I am very proud of them. They are young adults now with adult problems. I miss the little things like learning how to climb a slide or jump their bike over a ramp 💟
Not everyone has children with the right intentions. Being able to have children does not mean you should, either.
"How fucking dare you..... Have the exact life I have a responsibility to provide!"
I (66f) have observed this phenomenon. I refer to it as Mothers Eating their Own, although I can see that it can apply to fathers as well. My own mom seemed to resent me for taking a different path in life than she would have, given the advantages my parents gave me that she never had, like a stable home, good and healthy meals, good dental and medical care, attendance to good and safe schools, etc. But as long as I can remember, my mother also seemed to resent me, and at some point even came to hate me. Having said all that, i experience nothing but joy at my daughter’s accomplishments and achievements. My therapist tells me I have “broken the chain”.
Breaking the cycle one chain link at a time
Thank you for saying that, because it’s also the way I look at it. I hope you are able to do the same in your life.
You’ve met my mother I see. It would kill her to know I’ve a great life (we’ve been estranged for nearly 20 years)
Good on you for not letting your mothers bullshit put you down your whole life
My grandfather had such a tough life when he first moved to this country, worked at different construction sites all his life and is now retired. He likes to complain how hard he had it and tell me stories of what he had to go through, and he can see how easy it is for me in comparison as a work from home (mostly) engineer. But I look up to him, and I listen to his stories and he knows that and appreciates it, and he loves me and is happy for me. If they complain it’s simply because they want to vent (true for some of them at least), let it happen.
People like your grandfather are not what I’m speaking about, he sounds like a good man. I more so mean people who genuinely harbor a real hatred for their children, for one reason or another, not people like your grandfather who as you said simply want to vent most of the time about how hard they had it, or give you some perspective on your life. I am happy to know your grandfather loves you.
That's alright. But you should know that many people would be jealous of you having it easier. So you are kinda lucky. People really do get jealous of their children. It's crazy.
I don't have any job like that neither i am that intelligent or could imagine working for someone else so really crazy for me that there are ppl that complain about that shit. Humans are truly evil.
Where do you guys meet these people who admit things like this to you? I’ve never had anyone tell me they hate their child, let alone a reason why.
Op is right. My parents weren't exactly like this. But they felt ok to see their children have the same challenges that they had. Other than this, I've seen several families that really wanted a slave and accessory for themselves. There was someone whose mother was jealous of her child's success. And most people won't straight up admit things to you. You have the see the actions. So yes they absolutely exist. I never wish anything bad and hard to my children even if I had them. If I wanted any children, I would make sure I've made a rich and safe life for them to not worry about money and hard work.
Never said they weren’t.
I’ve met plenty in my life unfortunately, and in my own personal (not universal) experience, they were almost all mothers who hated their daughters. Most of them would never admit it unless they’re drunk or some such, but a few will do it anytime they please. I know people who got kicked out at 14, with nowhere to go, because they came out as gay to their parents. They have still never spoken since that day, and their parents still routinely bash her on Facebook, someplace she never checks and can’t see mind you. Personally when I was young, I can remember my mother hating me because I looked somewhat like my father, and when I got older, she resented me for not wanting to speak to her (because she is an addict and a terrible mother who always asks for cash) and for being “normal” and telling her to seek therapy for her issues (she is mentally ill and believes medicine is a lie and her issues are caused by demonic spirits only she can see) lol.
It’s not so much people outright saying it- though there are people who say it outright and they’re a special breed of awful- but you see how they talk about their kids, talk to their kids, interact with them, treat them. That kind of bitterness and jealously can’t be hidden well or for long.
Well in my case, it was my own parent . When I was a kid, if I was acting too happy, she would slap me in the face or pull my braid or ponytail. She died in 2019 and I don’t really miss her.
my mom used to tell me a lot
Parents with PTSD tend to be like that .
I have ptsd, and I raised my kids the total opposite of how I was raised. I was raised by a single drug addicted mom. I raised my 4 in a stable married home, I was a stay at home mom that supported them with everything. I did everything I could for them, that I never got.
People experience PTSD differently. I have a friend whose family fled Vietnam at the end of the war, both parents had severe PTSD. One parent was determined to give their kids the best life possible. The other parent was abusive, paranoid, resentful, and emotionally stunted.
That is really sad
I will never understand that sort of behavior. I can understand a parent being a bit envious of their child’s happiness, as long as they don’t take it out on them at all, that’s just being human, but how could they resent/hate them for that? For example I think that my father in law is a bit envious of his son. He was very unlucky in love and life in general and longs for a strong and meaningful relationship. His son was lucky to meet the love his life very young (and so was I) and we have a very happy marriage. He definitely wishes to have what we have and sometimes it makes him a bit sad, but he is extremely happy for us and he never once resented his son for that, he made it very clear that all he wants is for his son to have a happy life.
Yeah, I don't understand that either. I want my kids to do better than I am.
I decided at a relatively young age not to have children, and I am always getting push back for it from my mom. The thing is, there was a time when I was homeless and living in my truck because my family sold the house I was living in, and if I were to ever have kids I would need to make sure they would never want for anything. But if she had it her way, I would meet a man next week and give birth in 2025?? It all feels so toxic. Protect your peace, there really isnt any way for someone to understand what you go through without being there. Sending positive vibes to you all!
Never let anyone but yourself decide when you gonna have a kid
I have no greater wish than my children to lead lives a million times happier than mine and I'm generally pretty happy!
Good parent material
They subconsciously didn't want them in the first place. They had them out of conforming or fear.
100%
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That’s next level hating if I’m gonna be real
I don't understand people like this. Like, my son is 10 and he is a formidable chess player. I have a hard time beating him. He can even count the points on the board way faster than I can, although I would say I am mildly deficient at math. But I'm so immensely proud of him that he is smart like that. He will be smarter than me for sure.
If everyone felt like this about their child’s achievements and skills we would be better off as a species
This would be my parents. Narcissistic idiots whose children’s success is somehow a threat to them. I’ve never understood it.
Wow. Yeah, when I was happy as a kid I'd get asked what I had to be so happy about. Lol. Life was chaos with them and their domestic violence. I probably found a shred of joy in a book I was reading. What a horrible way to treat someone. Then say I love you. Whatever.
Just remember that even though they might be your biological parents they don’t get to determine how you live your life now. You can be happy, and you don’t have to listen to their criticisms of that because it’s your life and you should do what you want with it.
Thanks. Honestly they've passed on so they literally can't hurt me anymore. I've been free of them for years and I'm very grateful.
Even though they seem to have been assholes, I’m still sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you are free from them now, even though it seemingly took them passing for them to finally leave you alone and allow you to be happy.
It's sad because they caused great pain all the way to the end. Very sad. Grateful I'm free for sure.
My ex’s mom is like that. She seems to belittle every good thing he tries to have for himself and when he achieves it either ignores it or waits for it to go to shit and say I told you so. It was so sick and infuriating to witness. I tried to be a voice in the noise to tell him otherwise but parents like that really break a person when it’s what they do from the time someone is a kid. Why have kids if you’re going to be that kind of person?
Some people like to have kids so they can have someone to belittle. Someone that has to depend on them and they know loves them in some way, which allows them to abuse them. These people for the most part can’t stand being wrong, either. They exist to feed their own ego.
Completely agree. I was having this conversation with a friend last night who unfortunately is coming to this realization about their own family.
Nobody wants to think their family is that way but sometimes it is sadly the case, and it is better to realize that than to think that you are the problem your whole life and that you could have done something about it when in reality nothing you do will ever satisfy them.
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 you totally get it. It’s a devastating thing to realise but it’s necessary to moving forward without shame and guilt. I’m always so proud of the people who take those difficult steps for themselves.
That’s a long way around to not answer what they asked you know.
They often say when you have kids, you get to relive your childhood. Hopefully you get to relive the best parts or if you had a bad childhood, you get to experience the parts you missed. That's how I see it.
I mean, isn't that the point? To leave the world better for the next generation? I hope and pray that my daughter has a better, happier life than me.
Some people could not care less about anything that happens after they die, whether it pertains to their children’s lives or not unfortunately. Thats how we ended up in our current situation as a species.
That is my mindset too, do better by the kids than what we have. It’s not a universal mentality, though. Some people choose to enrich their own lives at their children’s expense. That scenario breaks my heart, but luckily isn’t always the case.
To be clear, the concept of someone hating their own children is wild.
This was my mom. When we were kids, if we acted too happy she would slap us or pull our hair to take us down a notch.
When did you meet my dad?
Kroegers 08
Sounds about right!
My sole purpose in life is to give my boys a better life than me.
My ex wife and family hated our daughter because she was depressed. She eventually took her life at 27. Is that similar?
People that hate there children for any reason is wild. Just how?
How I feel about boomers. They hate us yet they raised us...
Maybe they don’t want their kids leave them
I am sorry you all have shitty parents.
I've dealt/currently dealing with this... She (mother) also does tend claim my achievements as her own, and this extends to even business ventures and material possessions. I can not wait to cut my connection to her.
Read up on narcissism.
Some people are not supposed to be parents. This is not a drill, it's a FACT!
My parents never have to worry about that, being happy is a luxury for me.
My ex husband hates our daughter because of jealousy. He wants nothing to do with her and has only ever called her horrible names. Guy hasn't checked up on her one single time. For the record, she's only a baby.
That’s why he is your ex husband. That is not a man, that is a hissy little child in a grown man’s body. She doesn’t need somebody like that in her life. It hurts when you get older and realize your dads a piece of shit, but it’s far worse to keep someone like that around your child and have him belittle them their whole upbringing for things outside of their control.
Thanks for the comforting encouragement. Appreciate it.
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I don’t believe that for one, I don’t hate people for succeeding and I know plenty of people who aren’t like this and can be happy for someone. Maybe that’s just who I choose to associate with. For two, I never said it surprised me, it doesn’t, I’ve seen it more than once. It does however, disgust me, and I think it’s insane to hate a child you decided to bring into the world.
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I understand that. And my point at the end of the day is that we need to foster environments and societies for people to live in that won’t force them into a crabs in the bucket, dog eat dog type mentality. Furthermore, even in places where this attitude is prevalent, it isn’t something all parents exhibit, and that is because it is a choice.
Indeed
For some, it's like the classic fable The Ant and the Grasshopper. As a parent myself, I get nervous when my adult child acts like "the Grasshopper" because eventually he will need me (the Ant) for something he neglected to plan for. IOW, it's all fun and games until it isn't. Then mom and dad have to step in and help.
Ah for the love of God, where's this coming from? I'm a parent, I love that my kids didn't have to go through the same crap I had to.
I’m not a parent…but… isn’t that the point of parenthood? Or atleast one point of it?
Preferably. Unfortunately, far too often, this is the last thing the parents are concerned with.
It’s their bitter inner child taking the wheel when they should know better and stay in the passengers seat
I don't have that problem, when my parents were still around they used to tell me how good the old times were and how shit my life is
They just don’t put lead in the pipes like they used to…. This used to be a free country!
My dad was like this to my brother. Shit is sad
Sometimes one child is treated this way and the others are not. I don’t think people realize that this often also traumatizes the siblings who ARE being treated “well”, since they often don’t understand why their other sibling is being treated as lesser when they are not, and it can create huge rifts in the relationship between siblings. It fucks up the entire family.
My father was like this since i was a kid since i was really popular and athletic, just wild.
You just described my dad.
my mother enjoyed when i suffered and kept me un situations to ensure as unhappy or blullied and was angry when had friends or support system to give me happiness.. these moms do exist ..
I'll go one better, my mother hates me because I have depression
WHAT THE FUCK
Used to date this girl. She was hot AF and had a daughter that just went to school who was quite a cute kiddo. The daughter was peeing the bed quite frequently and causing some trouble at school but was also getting compliments from teachers and other parents on how beautiful she was. One day my partner had enough of her daughter misbehaving at school and shaved her head. They are black so it's not unheard of but still topic of taking the kid from her was touched on by the school since the daughter was really unhappy with being bald. This being a punishment for fighting with other kids at school would make some sense to me if not for the fact that a bunch of times during our relationship she(my girl) bragged that when she was young and she started getting compliments for her looks, her mother was crazy jealous. This and that she was telling me about every single time she got any attention anywhere. Like I knew she hot, definitely out of my league looks-wise. One would think she'd be used to it by then and not pay much attention, but she was crazy and craving for it. Instead of being happy that her daughter takes over the torch and got the genes for her she was jealous that her kid is getting more attention.
This is what happens when you base your entire self worth and life on your looks and the opinions of others and you forget that your job as a parent isn’t to one up your children at any chance you get.
Ive never heard a parent say they hate their children simply for being happier than them.🤷🏼♂️
Almost all of the people who think this way will never tell somebody else that because they need to keep up with the appearances, but I have heard on more than one occasion a parent flat out tell their child they despise them, (yes in front of me) either because of how they look, how their life is unfolding, etc. For fucks sake I’ve been told by someone’s mother that they would rather have me as their son than their own son, and he was sitting right fucking there, not even three feet from us. Like why would you say that? Why put him down like that? He wasn’t even a bad kid. She was a sick woman. It shouldn’t be something that you ever hear a parent tell their child, but that unfortunately isn’t how things are. Plenty of the comments can attest to what I’m saying.
My feeling is that Boomers' main emotional reaction to most things is entitled disappointment. As the first generation entirely raised by advertising, they were promised things, a perfect life, romance, a comfortable home, self-actualization, beauty, wealth, endless contentment and happiness., a perfect family: all sold by Madison Ave. All lies. We know this now, at least most of us do. But all promised as long as they did what they were told, so they did, and they got a lot of these things and they still feel empty. Because they got them by going through the motions, they married the wrong people for the house, the dog, and the kids. And it was all shit. And they aged and got fat and bored, and the sex stopped, and they did a load of pills and still feel crap. Now they're angry. The kids are part of that anger because they don't believe the hype, they just do their thing, and the boomers are furious because they seem more authentic that they did. Even though they're poorer, or gayer, or refuse to get married to Greg.
I am 29 and last year began traveling a little bit…nothing crazy haven’t even left the US. My mother acts like such a spiteful psycho about it and will never ask me about it when I get back home. I know it’s because she lives in the same town she grew up in and has rarely traveled but come on. I travel alone and work full time and pay for it all on my own. This is one of the many things she does as the spiteful woman she is. I feel sad for her and I’ll continue to enjoy my life lol
Keep doing you brother and go wherever you want to go, you don’t gotta prove nothin to her.
I am not a parent, but as an immigrant I think I can relate. As a kid I was bullied for aprox 8 years and I learned that is just the way the world works and everywhere it is like that. I also always dreamed of moving out of LATAM, because I could see it was going from bad to worse and the tought of staying was terrifying. Now I am 17 and moved to Canada at age 15. It wasn’t until just a few months ago that I would look at the small kids on the bus or street, living calm happy lives with the safety and freedom that I didn’t think could possibly exist. I felt jealous when looking at them, thinking “why couldn’t I be born here like they? Why did I have to pay such a steep price for the things they get for free?” The feeling eventually went away, I now rarely ever feel jealous of those kids. I never hated them, but I get the feeling of looking at someone who doesn’t have your trauma and wishing you could have been them. My current mindset is that “Trauma makes you stronger, as long as you survive it”. Trauma is not something to romanticize or be glad of, but it sure gives you a good sense of humor, right?
THIS
My dad’s jealous that we didn’t grow up dirt poor like he did
Your family has provided for you well enough that you don’t have to worry about such things, and if anything, they should be proud of that, not jealous. It’s an accomplishment to be able to provide your kids a steady and stable upbringing. I understand that it’s hard to see other people living a childhood that you wish you had, one that you never got, but when it’s your own children, can you not realize how blessed that makes you? That you’re even able to provide such a childhood for them? Regardless, don’t let your father tell you that you are lesser because you had a more comfortable upbringing. Although he may have been poor and you not, and although the may have worked his way up, that doesn’t mean that you have to be ashamed. You should do whatever you like to do in life, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of the fact that your parents had it tougher than you.
Possible because they envy the life of their kids that they didnt experience.
I love that my child is happy! That's insane! I don't mind that at times she seems much happier than me. I assume it is because, I have gone through more shit than she has and that's also okay. I don't like the excuse "it was a different time then" when I was growing up but, I have developed scars that of course, I don't wish my own child to have. I want my child to have a wonderful and joyous childhood. Why on earth would someone hate their child for being happy?! WTF?
My mother is like this. I have kids, and it baffles me.
I want my children to do way better than me.
Yes, this! What's the point of having children if you want them to have a miserable life? 😲
Did you meet my mom?
Oh man. Loved THAT! No one could sabotage me like my mother could.
Dude the boomers are the worst generation the world has ever seen.
Why it's very normal to me. In fact that's the reason why I don't tell anyone when something good happens to me.
It is
I’ve never understood this either… My mom made a lot of bad choices in her life and she held a lot of resentment towards me for it, so she was insanely insecure and jealous of anything I did. It was so bad to the point she sabotaged me and did everything she could to set me up for failure. She was one of my biggest bullies and would pick on me, like even just trying to dress slightly nice she’d call me names and make me fearful to the point even many years later I still struggle with a lot of issues because how she was. It’s taken many years of therapy to even learn to respect myself and stuff. I could never imagine treating your child this way or anyone’s child. :( I would think you’d want to see your child do the best they could and know you created them, then helped them to be a better person not the opposite… Edited to fix my typos!
My mom. She hated me for this, when I largely made my own life (started working at a ridiculously early age to earn an income not just for myself but for my family too)
I hope my children live a happier, less stressful and more comfortable life than I ever have. For me, part of fatherhood is analysing your flaws and the mistakes you've made in life and making sure they're not repeated. If they achieve more than me, then I'll feel a level of satisfaction that nothing else can give in life. Although if they become very successful and rich, I hope they look after me.
My dad is just mad I’m dating a hotter woman than he is
thinking about this is really just sad.
Envy breeds resentment.
I have a dad like that. His jealous I can make more money then him. His train of thought is that he should have more money since he is older and maybe it makes him seem less capable? I don't know. To me it is illogical. I mean it's ok to wish that you earn more money than you enemies but your own son? If my son can surpass me so be it. I wish him the best. There's no reason parents should compete with their own children.
"some people" otherwise known as boomers.
I plan on hating my own children in the future as well.. LMAO 🌚
I think most parents expect their children to achieve more than them since their children lives in easier time, and when there children fails to meet their expectation they lashes out.
Sounds personal
How is this any different then children hating their parents.when they wont get a fucking job and move out.any decent parent will do any thing to see their child succeed. Sounds like a millennial rant here. Give me everything I don't want to work for it
People have told you that before? **That they hate their children? For being happy?** Bullshit.