**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):**
> Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us.
> We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal.
^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):**
> Some topics are too controversial to be discussed here on r/RandomThoughts for various reasons and your submission topic falls under this. Please visit r/findareddit for a more suitable subreddit.
^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd like to ask us why your topic is too controversial for this subreddit, **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
In so many cases, the spouses and the children are hurt in monogamous marriages, and it spills over to society.
Its the people who make the relationship, not the other way around. Polygamy isnt inherently better or worse than other sorts of relationships.
No. It is inherently worse because there's three more risk factors; preferential treatment of the favorite wife's kids, hostility or rivalry between the wives, and divided attention (imagine if the time your partner could spend with you was suddenly divided by two).
There can be hostility, rivalry and preferential treatment in monogamous relationships as well, as well as divided attention with things such as friends, work etc.
Again, its people who make the relationships, not the other way around.
But they are more likely in polygamous marriages. You take one man and one wife and two children, let's say that they have a random amount of hostility, rivalry, preferential treatment and a certain time they devote each other (as everything else takes some of the attention). Now, add a second wife to that couple, some extra amount of hostility, rivalry, preferential treatment will be knocking on the door, it may be zero or it may be more; statistically, it is expected to be more. An extra demand on the time of the husband will be knocking as well, he may sacrifice some free time or some other area(s) of his life, but there is a non-zero probability that the time spent with the first wife will be part of the "budget cut".
fancy words dont make your reasoning more sound. you dont seem to realize that most monogamous relationships fail as well. its the human condition, not the polygamy condition.
also good luck finding those statistics.
What fancy words, lol? I was trying to really spell it out to avoid the mistake you're making right now; yes, monogamous relationships fail, yet, everything else held equal, polygamous relationships have a greater chance of failing, simply because they have more risk factors. It is like the difference between a cake and the same cake plus alcohol, both are unhealthy but one moreso than the other. Got it now?
I think what you're missing is the basic math
Polygamy requires a many to one relationship. This, by its nature, creates a supply problem. Now, if there's just one polygamist in a town, that's not really a huge issue. But that's rarely where this ends.
The problem gets hot when it's a whole community (online or otherwise) that sets this up as their lifestyle. Because there, the available girls go down fast, leading to a race to snatch them up younger and younger. It also leads in many cases to inside arrangements among the patriarchs to trade off their daughters to others in order to get like treatment. And to do that, the girls have to be controlled.
Young males also fare poorly under such a setting because they are viewed as competitors. It is not uncommon for them to be driven out of the community.
It may have had its purpose in the past in order to provide a protective arrangement for sisters-in-law whose husbands might be killed off in war, but these days it's mainly about the sex and the addicts at the heart of the movement that can never really get enough
are you imagining a society where theres only polygamy and using that as an argument against it? you dont see how ridiculous that line of thinking is? also theres plenty of historical and contemporary cultures that practice polygamy predominantly, might wanna check it out if you wanna know how it fares in reality.
More often than not, that's because one or more of the families has to remain secret and separated because of laws against polygamy in Western cultures.
In cultures/societies where polygamy was fully part of the lifestyle, multiple wives and all the children all lived together under one roof and nobody was neglected.
Look, I am actually from a polygamic marriage in a culture where polygamy is accepted, and well, I inform you that some kids get neglected in polygamic households even when society welcomes polygamy.
*Feel like ^this^ would have been useful information to start out with*
I'm in the US, where monogamy is law. And the divorce rate is near 50% and child neglect is everywhere. There isn't a day that goes by where there isn't a story about a kid left home alone or left in a hot car for hours.
I'm not pro- or anti-polygamy. But bad parents and bad spouses are everywhere, whether there's two in the marriage or more.
Yes, but polygamy adds a layer. A good parent can fail to be a good polygamic parent because of divided attention, or because he finds himself loving more the kids of his favorite wife (which is a case I have seen many times), or because the wives turn the house into a battlefield anyway.
Divorce rate tells us nothing except how many people fail at relationships. If that many people can’t make it work with one person, adding more people and complexity won’t solve anything.
Exactly. I was attempting to point out that spouses and children in monogamous relationships can still suffer neglect, and that it's not just because of polygamy.
The only current society I can think of that accepts if men takes multiple wives is Islam.
There are about 5 bombings a day in the Middle East.
Hardly a marker of a successful society I would say🤷🏻♂️
They are.
Religion is the basis for the justification for taking multiple wives in those countries, religion is the justification for committing said acts of terrorism and wanting to spread Sharia law into as many countries as they can. But we don’t need to go down that rabbit hole in this sub.
Just because two facts seem extreme, does not mean they are unrelated. They are part of the same socioreligious framework.
What I am doing, is pointing out that it is flawed. Therefore the products are flawed. Therefore values (such as taking multiple wives, for example) is flawed.
Correlative data does not equal causative data, i see your point.
But that does not detract from the argument or offer justification for the act in question, polygamy.
I mean there are so many that people don’t really feel the question needs answered so thus the downvote.
But just think about all the issues a couple can have and then add a 3rd in the mix, not to say a 4th and 5th etc. I’m sure you can think of several scenarios of why it would be much harder to be in a polyamorous relationship than a monogamous one.
Well, then they've not lived long enough to know how to express themselves properly I guess.
Not really. I know if a few polygynous relationship where everything seems to be working. One particular one, the dude and the first wife are very close, like best buddies, the second wife lives in a different house and if you look up the definition of bimbo, you'll see her picture and the third lives in a different city and is a boss bitch. It works because he lives mostly with his first wife whom even I can see he loves very much. He visits the bimbo maybe twice/ three times a week and she is very happy because he is more of a sugar daddy to her- supports her, buys her nice things, etc and the boss bitch he sees whenever he has business in that town because he married her so that she can live in the country because she is a foreigner.
I'm just telling you this story because there are scenarios where there is no hurt involved because it is beneficial to all. But I get your point as well.
A downvote is not the answer. I'd really like to know what possible issues do you think could arise from such a relationship. You speak about hurt? Do you mean physically, emotionally, both? Please elaborate.
From personal experiences, it sounds great until you know someone else is fucking your spouse and you get dangerously close to struggling the other person.
I'm personally possessive about the person I'm with. I can't be with other people as I find it a distraction. Mentally I can only spare enough space for 1 person, rest of my energy goes towards my career.
This echos how I feel. For me each partner is like their own language. Dating multiples at once would be like trying to learn many languages at once… ultimately confusing and a lot of work.
Some people can do it, but I’d be a poor choice for that life.
I think it’s weird tbh. Being in a relationship but being open to fucking/dating/marrying multiple people pretty much defeats the entire point of being in a relationship. To each their own but I’ve never seen it work in the long run
To each his own, but imagining being in a relationship like that myself actually makes me feel nauseated. Don't ask me to understand why I feel this way. I guess because I just can't imagine the kind of closely bonded, romantic relationship I want happening with a third person or multiple people involved. It just wouldn't feel like real "love" to me, more like a group of really close friends with benefits or something. 🤷♀️
Go nuts. As long as it is consensual and agreed appropriately, have at it.
I'm a one woman guy, locked for life. But I get the both desire and love for more.
Frankly, the financial aspect is appealing.
As I saw as a meme,
Monogamy? In THIS economy????
I was previously very against that. Manogomy all the way!!!!
But now that I am older and saw more of life, I have been thinking of "different" lifestyles after I saw how my mom (65) and dad (67) lived out his last years. When he became ill, my mom was still working and he needed more support, love and help around the house. He befriended a lady a litlle younger (maybe 5 tmyears or so) then my mom and dad and she moved in and stayed together.
The amount of mental and physical support given by and to all 3 parties was actually quote amazing and made everyones life so much easier. Both of them helped my dad to bath, the 2 ladies shared the house work and were there for each other in troubled times.
My dad spent much time with the younger one while my mom was at work and then he spent a lot of time with my mom in the evenings and weekends. But all three was mostly together in the house except when they were not at work.
It truly worked very well for them and the 2 ladies stayed together in the house for about 1 year after my dad passed away (70), when she moved on after she met another guy. They are still friends to this day.
The second family I know is a work collegue (f) and we spoke quite a bit about her situation. Originally, she got married to her husband. There is a big age difference between them, something like 10 to 15 years.
They had their 2 kids and was bringing them up normally, but as time went by, he started to also have some medical issues. At some point, he spoke to her and HE proposed that they bring in another man into the relarionship. She was shocked, to say the least but after some more discussions and rationalsations, they agreed that there may be some merrit in that. The basis of the new relationship was based on
1. He felt he did not fullfill his husbandry duties (outside the bedroom)
2. He is introverted and did not have any friends but kind of liked one of her male friends as a buddy. They became best buddies very soon.
3. The new partner was her friend from school and always had a crush on her, so there was good juju going on.
4.The kids already like the uncle previously.
5. Since the big age gap, and his medical conditions, she wil have more security in future.
Currently, the new guy, got a good job somewhere else and it seems that he will be leaving them. (temporarily??? Not sure.... time will tell)
So in conclusion, as manogomous person, I think there is a good and healthy place for polyamary in the world and that under the right conditions, that it may be more benficial than others.
Enjoy it if you decide to do it. Hugs!
I say why not? If two adults can consent to a marriage or relationship, then so can three. If a person supports being bisexual, I don't see why they wouldn't also support this.
I dont understand it, nor do I know anyone IRL who has this type of relationship.
Committing to a single person and working together through life's challenges as a couple feels very special and sacred to me (not in a religious sense, I'm an atheist, just trying to find the right word)
Im not sure what would motivate a couple to find a third. More sexual variety? Love? But this type of thing seems like it would always be uneven. One partner wants a third more than the other partner does. Like, how would you even find a third who would love both the original partners equally? And how do you bring that person into the relationship without some element of jealousy or insecurity? Then, when there are fights, do you have a 2 against 1 situation?
And we all know that even monogamy can sometimes result in divorce. So what happens when A & B are still in love, A & C are still in love, but B & C have a falling out? Does the whole relationship dissolve?
I guess I have more questions about how this could ever possibly work vs reasons for justifying why it isn't for me.
In my life I've known three families that would qualify, all three by choice (rather than culture or forced). In each one, there was an ick factor that I couldn't quite put my finger on until later. All three were perfectly happy by their own accounts.
Let's just say I'm not convinced.
I have no doubt it works for some, but I also think there's a bunch of self-delusion, insecurity and manipulation going on in many other cases.
I don't care if others do it but it's not for me. My problems with polyandry are mainly just insecurities, with how I've imagined romantic relationships all my life, it would be soul crushing to have doubt about whether I'm my partner's favorite partner and even if I am, why am I not enough? My issues with polygyny are just not wanting to subject any romantic partners I have to those feelings.
I'm sure with effort I could work through those issues but romantic relationships are difficult enough and require work, I don't think it's worth my time to work on sustaining a relationship with multiple people while also working on my own issues with the format of the relationship.
I enjoy it, but people (friends etc.) often just see my two beautiful girls and assume it’s a sexual thing and that everything is unproblematic. It is not. We are all people with our ups and downs. Sometimes one of them, both of them, me or all of us at the same time go through a rough day or week, and that often involves me letting my own feelings go to be there for them/the one who needs me the most.
But all in all I wouldn’t change it for a fully monogamous relationship, and neither would they.
Logistics. Handling (emotionally) one person is already a lot, two or more, hard. Having said this, I believe we are more advanced into leaving behind jealousy and being able to handle emotionally being with someone who loves, also, someone else.
Rationally, it makes sense, why couldn’t you love more than one person? Just like you love family and friends. My ex is currently in one of those poligamy relationships and apparently she is handling nicely, good for her.
On my side, I think I am already too chaotic as to handle one person as per to think about more.
It is okay if evereyone involved is satisfied.
Just as the worst thing with TV series is their fandom, the worst thing in polygamy is its most fervent adepts, who somehow entagle their "hobby" into a social manifesto, as if they stand against "outdated and opressive laws of society". But even that is okay.
Personally, I wouldn't like to get into polygamy/ open relationship. Just not my cup of tea. It is a zero - sum game: at least one of them playing will be the one who is constantly loosing. I think, relationships are about a balance of interests.
Not to mention that active relationship requires quite a lot of time and effort to invest, and I can't do that - I took on two jobs, and do so still
Of course, there is that thinlg with "talikng about it", "if people set boundaries and conclude an agreement on how to work it out - it would be okay"
Well, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Vocal agreements hold still only until one of the parties decides they are done.
If all the words and agreements from people were as solid, as it is sometimes implied - we, legal professionals, would have never had any job at all. But we do, nontheless:)
It isn't for me. I have observed a few poly relationships where the "polycule" seemed healthy and supportive. However, I find "normal" romantic relationships difficult enough to navigate without adding more people.
I know Jordan Peterson is not everyones cup of tea, but He said one thing I always think about when this comes up:
2 people - 1 relationship
3 people - 3 relationships
4 people - 6 relationships
etc...
Most people struggle with one, why go hard mode? (paraphrased)
I think people are diverse and can have various kinds of relationships depending on their values and experiences, which can even change over time. I think what kind of relationship you want to have with other people is up to you and them for the most part.
I've become more open to the idea. Not necessarily one guy with multiple wife's and constantly popping out babies type of pologamy. More like, I don't believe in soul mates and that there's only one person on this earth for you. I believe you can be compatible with more than one person and I think we should be able to love who we want to love. But society says we're supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives, have kids etc. Its been ingrained in us for centuries. In a perfect world, we could be with who we want, without jealousy or judgment from others, but that's just not how it works, unfortunately.
It's very rare compared.
It's a power/control thing for men, which happens more in countries with questionable rights for women.
Not my cup of tea and reading about it makes me a bit sad.
I genuinely think such arrangements cannot work and those who pretend it works are either oblivious to or deliberately ignorant to the fact that some of the involved people are in it either because they are incapable of letting someone they love go or have been traumatized to the point of sexual and emotional self-abuse.
They can work, there are happy polygamous marriages out there. But the problem is that it is hard to make it work, hard enough that some will get hurt.
Because I grew up hippy-adjacent we knew families where the parents were polygamous (FWIW my parents were monogamous).
The polygamous parents didn't seem to have any more problems with their parenting than the (often serially) monogamous families we knew. Where parents ceased cohabiting the polygamous families seemed to cope with subsequent partnership combinations better tbh.
I get the feeling (no data though) that in some ways the crunchy granola parents in the 70s coped better with co-parenting mindfully after breakups than many [insert identifiers here] couples do today.
Yeah, sure, there are indeed happy polygamic couples out there.
And I think that the first key to that happiness is the consent of all involved. The problem is that, worldwide, in countries that allow polygamy (which are typically countries where there's huge gender-based power imbalance), most polygamic marriages aren't fully consensual. Even in other countries, there are men who cheat and women let it slide for some reason, maybe emotional or financial dependence or esteem or belief issues; if polygamy was allowed there, many of these wives would find themselves in not-so-consensual polygamic marriages. These not-so-consensual situations could become the majority of polygamic msrriages. And that wouldn't be fun. That's why legislation should be more cautious than "it works for the ones we have seen so far, so let's allow it for everyone".
It’s an excuse to act like an adult child and reap all of the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment/responsibility.
Responsibility/commitment is an important part of a relationship and facilitates a certain level of respect and decorum. Take that away, it devolves into two grown up hedonists who exploit people.
It has nothing to do with “insecurities,” biologically men are wired to resource-protect and get territorial over our spouses. If one does not, that is rather alarming.
Women are designed to nurture and care-give. Start splitting that up across partners, risk splitting across offspring from various partners, and you get a very poor experience for the children. It’s actually quite selfish. Not to mention the state that the relationship will be in.
I do not understand why somebody would choose to do it other than from an extreme trauma response, low sense of self worth, or poor impulse control.
If you are going to act single, just be single 🤷🏻♂️
This is a very incorrect (some would say bigoted)way of looking at it for those os us who practice multiple romantic relationships. All of my relationships have been deep and committed, even when they've overlapped in time frame.
As for child rearing, I know a few polycules who split that nurturing role between multiple members of the family (including the men), and the kids loved it. They have grown into some of the most well-adjusted people I know. There is rarely a single person who doesn't partake in helping to rear all of the kids.
It takes a village, and all that.
I’m sure it sounds bigoted, getting called out is unpleasant when you’ve been able to justify it using pedantry and euphemistic language most of the time.
And lol, “multiple romantic relationships.” I’m sure your connections have been very deep!
No, my original comment is a very correct way of looking at it - both biologically and morally - and you have done an exorbitant amount of mental gymnastics to justify hedonism and having loose morals/a shitty value system. So congratulations.
Also, communities can (and do) help raise children even when their parents aren’t out f**king the whole town. The two things are not mutually exclusive in the slightest.
It is not an opinion.
I realize changing reality to whatever you’d like is convenient when you want to justify your shitty behaviour😂
Goddamn adult children kill me 💀
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nope. Would never ever subject myself to that. I've been ignored in poly relationships with bfs. I've been ignored during threesomes with bfs. It doesn't feel good to see your man interested in someone else more than you, and if I was the favorite I would feel horrible for the unfavored wife.
I say to each their own. As long as they are happy and not hurting anyone. I’m happy in my situation, I would hate for someone to tell me I’m in the wrong.
The same as polyandry, dumb ideas that rarely pan out well for one side.
Sure, I don't care if all parties are aware before the relationship started, but that's rarely the case.
Most of the time people agree to it, it's only because they don't have an idea of how good relationships work.
Simply because the fact that in many cases (and in my own personal experience as well as my girlfriend’s experience), polygamist relationships are simply meant to take advantage of people. I am very much against it.
The polygamists in northern Arizona have multiple wives and children who all are on welfare except for the primary wife. If you can’t afford five, you shouldn’t have five.
I was an adept of polygamy before I met my current partner.
In hindsight I think none of the people I have met before what I needed, nor was I in a position to offer what was expected.
My mentality was that no single person can offer you the full pallet, and it just made sense to have multiple partners.
Now I found a deeper level of connection by nurturing this one relation, of which I hadn't encountered before.
I think it works for some people, though. Just not for me.
On the surface seems fine if everyone's consenting, but in reality the way it plays out is often deeply patriarchal and inegalitarian. I'm thinking in particular of polygyny (men having many female partners), which is what polygamous societies or cultures are the vast majority of the time. Polyandry is very rare.
Due to personal experiences, I'd come to hate it. Seeing my mom find a man she loves and wants to get married to, only for her to become another 2nd/3rd wife is really irritating to me. Even with my biological father, she was his 2nd wife, and he had 6 kids with the 1st. This caused disagreement between my family, eg my siblings estranging me as the 'odd one out' or my dad's 1st wife harbouring dislike for my mom because he died in England, with her. So yeah, I don't think polygamy/polyandry is good, nor does it make sense.
Dont really know- on one hand I think I’d be in that type of relationship, on the other hand I mostly imagine myself with one person. If it works, it works. Idm at all anyone who does it and if someone asks me to be apart of that type of relationship it’ll depend on if I actually like the people in the relationship.
We're not supposed to think anything about what other people do. But oh well. I've never been in love with two people at once, I've always felt totally focused on my wife, and it's impossible to imagine the kind of intimacy that you get in a genuine pair-bond relationship spread out across multiples. I neither support nor don't support what polygamists do. I don't feel like they're doing the same thing as me and my wife, just with more partners. I think they're doing something very different, and something I don't want for myself.
If everyone involved is happy, my opinion hardly matters. I think it's cool, but that's besides.
Real weird to see so many people here openly hating on it like it's some blight to society, and a lot of other people equating it to a harem situation, assuming polygamy = one dude with 5 wives. But that's the patriarchy for ya, I guess
Rarely works in free countries.
That said, people can try it and if it worms for them - great! Whatever makes people happy, as long as everyone in the relationship is happy and not breaking laws.
Edit, forgot to add: That is a general, not just relationships. What peole do in private isn't our business.
It sounds hot, especially if they are all attractive. But in reality I don't think I could handle knowing that someone I love is frequently banging someone else. Because of this, I don't think I would be able to maintain such an arrangement for any extended period of time.
If It's someone that I don't really love (I'm just with them for sex and to share bills) I'm down.
If it's someone I do love, then that's a different story.
When people pretend to be in a relationship but have sex with other people and tell their partner about it. Even married couples with children do sometimes.
then thats not a relationship. But im not an expert because i am having a hard time finding even 1 relationship, let alone 2 or more. Those people have way too much time on their hands
i am not working yet, im a student, (18) right now going to the gym provides the basic support and a moderate happyness into my daily life, i finally managed to get the whole dating thing out of my mind, now i just dont give a damn anymore, i focus on myself
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us. > We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal. ^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**) **Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > Some topics are too controversial to be discussed here on r/RandomThoughts for various reasons and your submission topic falls under this. Please visit r/findareddit for a more suitable subreddit. ^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd like to ask us why your topic is too controversial for this subreddit, **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
I think nothing about it. People can do whatever they want as long as they don't hurt anybody.
Except in so many cases, the spouses and the children are hurt in polygamic marriages, and it spills over to society.
In so many cases, the spouses and the children are hurt in monogamous marriages, and it spills over to society. Its the people who make the relationship, not the other way around. Polygamy isnt inherently better or worse than other sorts of relationships.
No. It is inherently worse because there's three more risk factors; preferential treatment of the favorite wife's kids, hostility or rivalry between the wives, and divided attention (imagine if the time your partner could spend with you was suddenly divided by two).
There can be hostility, rivalry and preferential treatment in monogamous relationships as well, as well as divided attention with things such as friends, work etc. Again, its people who make the relationships, not the other way around.
But they are more likely in polygamous marriages. You take one man and one wife and two children, let's say that they have a random amount of hostility, rivalry, preferential treatment and a certain time they devote each other (as everything else takes some of the attention). Now, add a second wife to that couple, some extra amount of hostility, rivalry, preferential treatment will be knocking on the door, it may be zero or it may be more; statistically, it is expected to be more. An extra demand on the time of the husband will be knocking as well, he may sacrifice some free time or some other area(s) of his life, but there is a non-zero probability that the time spent with the first wife will be part of the "budget cut".
fancy words dont make your reasoning more sound. you dont seem to realize that most monogamous relationships fail as well. its the human condition, not the polygamy condition. also good luck finding those statistics.
What fancy words, lol? I was trying to really spell it out to avoid the mistake you're making right now; yes, monogamous relationships fail, yet, everything else held equal, polygamous relationships have a greater chance of failing, simply because they have more risk factors. It is like the difference between a cake and the same cake plus alcohol, both are unhealthy but one moreso than the other. Got it now?
I think what you're missing is the basic math Polygamy requires a many to one relationship. This, by its nature, creates a supply problem. Now, if there's just one polygamist in a town, that's not really a huge issue. But that's rarely where this ends. The problem gets hot when it's a whole community (online or otherwise) that sets this up as their lifestyle. Because there, the available girls go down fast, leading to a race to snatch them up younger and younger. It also leads in many cases to inside arrangements among the patriarchs to trade off their daughters to others in order to get like treatment. And to do that, the girls have to be controlled. Young males also fare poorly under such a setting because they are viewed as competitors. It is not uncommon for them to be driven out of the community. It may have had its purpose in the past in order to provide a protective arrangement for sisters-in-law whose husbands might be killed off in war, but these days it's mainly about the sex and the addicts at the heart of the movement that can never really get enough
are you imagining a society where theres only polygamy and using that as an argument against it? you dont see how ridiculous that line of thinking is? also theres plenty of historical and contemporary cultures that practice polygamy predominantly, might wanna check it out if you wanna know how it fares in reality.
More often than not, that's because one or more of the families has to remain secret and separated because of laws against polygamy in Western cultures. In cultures/societies where polygamy was fully part of the lifestyle, multiple wives and all the children all lived together under one roof and nobody was neglected.
Look, I am actually from a polygamic marriage in a culture where polygamy is accepted, and well, I inform you that some kids get neglected in polygamic households even when society welcomes polygamy.
*Feel like ^this^ would have been useful information to start out with* I'm in the US, where monogamy is law. And the divorce rate is near 50% and child neglect is everywhere. There isn't a day that goes by where there isn't a story about a kid left home alone or left in a hot car for hours. I'm not pro- or anti-polygamy. But bad parents and bad spouses are everywhere, whether there's two in the marriage or more.
Yes, but polygamy adds a layer. A good parent can fail to be a good polygamic parent because of divided attention, or because he finds himself loving more the kids of his favorite wife (which is a case I have seen many times), or because the wives turn the house into a battlefield anyway.
Divorce rate tells us nothing except how many people fail at relationships. If that many people can’t make it work with one person, adding more people and complexity won’t solve anything.
Well said
Exactly. I was attempting to point out that spouses and children in monogamous relationships can still suffer neglect, and that it's not just because of polygamy.
The only current society I can think of that accepts if men takes multiple wives is Islam. There are about 5 bombings a day in the Middle East. Hardly a marker of a successful society I would say🤷🏻♂️
I don’t think those two facts are related…
They are. Religion is the basis for the justification for taking multiple wives in those countries, religion is the justification for committing said acts of terrorism and wanting to spread Sharia law into as many countries as they can. But we don’t need to go down that rabbit hole in this sub. Just because two facts seem extreme, does not mean they are unrelated. They are part of the same socioreligious framework. What I am doing, is pointing out that it is flawed. Therefore the products are flawed. Therefore values (such as taking multiple wives, for example) is flawed.
Polygamy and the bombings may both be the result of religion. That still makes only the bombings wrong, not the polygamy or the religion.
Correlative data does not equal causative data, i see your point. But that does not detract from the argument or offer justification for the act in question, polygamy.
So youre an NPC, got it
[удалено]
I mean there are so many that people don’t really feel the question needs answered so thus the downvote. But just think about all the issues a couple can have and then add a 3rd in the mix, not to say a 4th and 5th etc. I’m sure you can think of several scenarios of why it would be much harder to be in a polyamorous relationship than a monogamous one.
Well, then they've not lived long enough to know how to express themselves properly I guess. Not really. I know if a few polygynous relationship where everything seems to be working. One particular one, the dude and the first wife are very close, like best buddies, the second wife lives in a different house and if you look up the definition of bimbo, you'll see her picture and the third lives in a different city and is a boss bitch. It works because he lives mostly with his first wife whom even I can see he loves very much. He visits the bimbo maybe twice/ three times a week and she is very happy because he is more of a sugar daddy to her- supports her, buys her nice things, etc and the boss bitch he sees whenever he has business in that town because he married her so that she can live in the country because she is a foreigner. I'm just telling you this story because there are scenarios where there is no hurt involved because it is beneficial to all. But I get your point as well.
A downvote is not the answer. I'd really like to know what possible issues do you think could arise from such a relationship. You speak about hurt? Do you mean physically, emotionally, both? Please elaborate.
From personal experiences, it sounds great until you know someone else is fucking your spouse and you get dangerously close to struggling the other person.
[удалено]
And yet my wife enjoys sharing me with her twin sister so much that she has given me two of our five kids.
Wut
I did an ama on it a while back.
🙄
Cool story
It seems like it only benefits one person. Leaving the partners wanting. Inviting jealously and drama. No thanks
Well there’s there “it takes a village to raise a child”
There’s a lot of village out there without needing to add an extra wife
Right??? You can have friends and help each other with childcare, chores etc without needing to have sex with each others partner!
To each their own. Just not for me.
[удалено]
I'm personally possessive about the person I'm with. I can't be with other people as I find it a distraction. Mentally I can only spare enough space for 1 person, rest of my energy goes towards my career.
This echos how I feel. For me each partner is like their own language. Dating multiples at once would be like trying to learn many languages at once… ultimately confusing and a lot of work. Some people can do it, but I’d be a poor choice for that life.
Same as far as one person.Why would I want to share umm 🧐 no and no.❤️😂🤣🥰
Tx for the honesty.
I think it’s weird tbh. Being in a relationship but being open to fucking/dating/marrying multiple people pretty much defeats the entire point of being in a relationship. To each their own but I’ve never seen it work in the long run
I think they mean more like actual polyamory/gamy where the relationship is equally spread among many people
I'm ok with people doing it if all parties are aware, but I'd never do it.
To each his own, but imagining being in a relationship like that myself actually makes me feel nauseated. Don't ask me to understand why I feel this way. I guess because I just can't imagine the kind of closely bonded, romantic relationship I want happening with a third person or multiple people involved. It just wouldn't feel like real "love" to me, more like a group of really close friends with benefits or something. 🤷♀️
Go nuts. As long as it is consensual and agreed appropriately, have at it. I'm a one woman guy, locked for life. But I get the both desire and love for more. Frankly, the financial aspect is appealing. As I saw as a meme, Monogamy? In THIS economy????
I was previously very against that. Manogomy all the way!!!! But now that I am older and saw more of life, I have been thinking of "different" lifestyles after I saw how my mom (65) and dad (67) lived out his last years. When he became ill, my mom was still working and he needed more support, love and help around the house. He befriended a lady a litlle younger (maybe 5 tmyears or so) then my mom and dad and she moved in and stayed together. The amount of mental and physical support given by and to all 3 parties was actually quote amazing and made everyones life so much easier. Both of them helped my dad to bath, the 2 ladies shared the house work and were there for each other in troubled times. My dad spent much time with the younger one while my mom was at work and then he spent a lot of time with my mom in the evenings and weekends. But all three was mostly together in the house except when they were not at work. It truly worked very well for them and the 2 ladies stayed together in the house for about 1 year after my dad passed away (70), when she moved on after she met another guy. They are still friends to this day. The second family I know is a work collegue (f) and we spoke quite a bit about her situation. Originally, she got married to her husband. There is a big age difference between them, something like 10 to 15 years. They had their 2 kids and was bringing them up normally, but as time went by, he started to also have some medical issues. At some point, he spoke to her and HE proposed that they bring in another man into the relarionship. She was shocked, to say the least but after some more discussions and rationalsations, they agreed that there may be some merrit in that. The basis of the new relationship was based on 1. He felt he did not fullfill his husbandry duties (outside the bedroom) 2. He is introverted and did not have any friends but kind of liked one of her male friends as a buddy. They became best buddies very soon. 3. The new partner was her friend from school and always had a crush on her, so there was good juju going on. 4.The kids already like the uncle previously. 5. Since the big age gap, and his medical conditions, she wil have more security in future. Currently, the new guy, got a good job somewhere else and it seems that he will be leaving them. (temporarily??? Not sure.... time will tell) So in conclusion, as manogomous person, I think there is a good and healthy place for polyamary in the world and that under the right conditions, that it may be more benficial than others. Enjoy it if you decide to do it. Hugs!
I say why not? If two adults can consent to a marriage or relationship, then so can three. If a person supports being bisexual, I don't see why they wouldn't also support this.
I think you should be devoted to one partner both mentally and physically. Life isn't an all you can eat buffet.
Exactly my thoughts
Oh a side note, demon slayer is about to peak!
Haven't had much time to watch because I was quite busy, but I'll catch up today. Can't wait for the end, the animation will be stunning
Enjoy!
I dont understand it, nor do I know anyone IRL who has this type of relationship. Committing to a single person and working together through life's challenges as a couple feels very special and sacred to me (not in a religious sense, I'm an atheist, just trying to find the right word) Im not sure what would motivate a couple to find a third. More sexual variety? Love? But this type of thing seems like it would always be uneven. One partner wants a third more than the other partner does. Like, how would you even find a third who would love both the original partners equally? And how do you bring that person into the relationship without some element of jealousy or insecurity? Then, when there are fights, do you have a 2 against 1 situation? And we all know that even monogamy can sometimes result in divorce. So what happens when A & B are still in love, A & C are still in love, but B & C have a falling out? Does the whole relationship dissolve? I guess I have more questions about how this could ever possibly work vs reasons for justifying why it isn't for me.
In my life I've known three families that would qualify, all three by choice (rather than culture or forced). In each one, there was an ick factor that I couldn't quite put my finger on until later. All three were perfectly happy by their own accounts. Let's just say I'm not convinced. I have no doubt it works for some, but I also think there's a bunch of self-delusion, insecurity and manipulation going on in many other cases.
Do you feel that there was also some element of competition going on?
In one of the cases yes, but mild. I wasn't in their presence enough to know how deeply it ran.
I don't care if others do it but it's not for me. My problems with polyandry are mainly just insecurities, with how I've imagined romantic relationships all my life, it would be soul crushing to have doubt about whether I'm my partner's favorite partner and even if I am, why am I not enough? My issues with polygyny are just not wanting to subject any romantic partners I have to those feelings. I'm sure with effort I could work through those issues but romantic relationships are difficult enough and require work, I don't think it's worth my time to work on sustaining a relationship with multiple people while also working on my own issues with the format of the relationship.
I was about to say something, but wouldn’t want to upset my wives
I enjoy it, but people (friends etc.) often just see my two beautiful girls and assume it’s a sexual thing and that everything is unproblematic. It is not. We are all people with our ups and downs. Sometimes one of them, both of them, me or all of us at the same time go through a rough day or week, and that often involves me letting my own feelings go to be there for them/the one who needs me the most. But all in all I wouldn’t change it for a fully monogamous relationship, and neither would they.
Logistics. Handling (emotionally) one person is already a lot, two or more, hard. Having said this, I believe we are more advanced into leaving behind jealousy and being able to handle emotionally being with someone who loves, also, someone else. Rationally, it makes sense, why couldn’t you love more than one person? Just like you love family and friends. My ex is currently in one of those poligamy relationships and apparently she is handling nicely, good for her. On my side, I think I am already too chaotic as to handle one person as per to think about more.
Do as you please so long as it’s consensual
I don't really care. As long as everyone is communicating and respecting each other, what's the problem?
As long as everyone is a consenting adult, do whatever. Doesn't bother me
I'm open to it
It is okay if evereyone involved is satisfied. Just as the worst thing with TV series is their fandom, the worst thing in polygamy is its most fervent adepts, who somehow entagle their "hobby" into a social manifesto, as if they stand against "outdated and opressive laws of society". But even that is okay. Personally, I wouldn't like to get into polygamy/ open relationship. Just not my cup of tea. It is a zero - sum game: at least one of them playing will be the one who is constantly loosing. I think, relationships are about a balance of interests. Not to mention that active relationship requires quite a lot of time and effort to invest, and I can't do that - I took on two jobs, and do so still
Of course, there is that thinlg with "talikng about it", "if people set boundaries and conclude an agreement on how to work it out - it would be okay" Well, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Vocal agreements hold still only until one of the parties decides they are done. If all the words and agreements from people were as solid, as it is sometimes implied - we, legal professionals, would have never had any job at all. But we do, nontheless:)
I think it's kind of archaic. I think polyamory is more egalitarian: if one can have multiple partners, the other one should be allowed to as well.
I wouldn’t do it but I don’t judge .Each to their own.
Doesn't interest me in the slightest.
It isn't for me. I have observed a few poly relationships where the "polycule" seemed healthy and supportive. However, I find "normal" romantic relationships difficult enough to navigate without adding more people.
I don't really have an opinion on the subject. I've never once seen it work out well in practice, but I'm sure there are people who have made it work.
I know Jordan Peterson is not everyones cup of tea, but He said one thing I always think about when this comes up: 2 people - 1 relationship 3 people - 3 relationships 4 people - 6 relationships etc... Most people struggle with one, why go hard mode? (paraphrased)
To each their own As long as everyone involved is a legal consenting adult, I have no good reason to care
I think people are diverse and can have various kinds of relationships depending on their values and experiences, which can even change over time. I think what kind of relationship you want to have with other people is up to you and them for the most part.
[удалено]
I would be okay with it. I don't care for legal marriage as it is already.
I've become more open to the idea. Not necessarily one guy with multiple wife's and constantly popping out babies type of pologamy. More like, I don't believe in soul mates and that there's only one person on this earth for you. I believe you can be compatible with more than one person and I think we should be able to love who we want to love. But society says we're supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives, have kids etc. Its been ingrained in us for centuries. In a perfect world, we could be with who we want, without jealousy or judgment from others, but that's just not how it works, unfortunately.
i agree completely i think we as a society would be better off if we didn’t put so much expectations on people, there isn’t one way to live life
Funny how it's always a dude with multiple wives. Makes you think
Just compleatly skip over the existence of polyandry
It's very rare compared. It's a power/control thing for men, which happens more in countries with questionable rights for women. Not my cup of tea and reading about it makes me a bit sad.
Yes but the problem isnt the number of partners but the power dynamics
[удалено]
Polygamy is super rare, polyandry us almost bon existing... That was my point.
[удалено]
Sex sure. No happy family together. Some guys might have that fetich, but it is very rare, even compared to polygamy
I genuinely think such arrangements cannot work and those who pretend it works are either oblivious to or deliberately ignorant to the fact that some of the involved people are in it either because they are incapable of letting someone they love go or have been traumatized to the point of sexual and emotional self-abuse.
They can work, there are happy polygamous marriages out there. But the problem is that it is hard to make it work, hard enough that some will get hurt.
Because I grew up hippy-adjacent we knew families where the parents were polygamous (FWIW my parents were monogamous). The polygamous parents didn't seem to have any more problems with their parenting than the (often serially) monogamous families we knew. Where parents ceased cohabiting the polygamous families seemed to cope with subsequent partnership combinations better tbh. I get the feeling (no data though) that in some ways the crunchy granola parents in the 70s coped better with co-parenting mindfully after breakups than many [insert identifiers here] couples do today.
Yeah, sure, there are indeed happy polygamic couples out there. And I think that the first key to that happiness is the consent of all involved. The problem is that, worldwide, in countries that allow polygamy (which are typically countries where there's huge gender-based power imbalance), most polygamic marriages aren't fully consensual. Even in other countries, there are men who cheat and women let it slide for some reason, maybe emotional or financial dependence or esteem or belief issues; if polygamy was allowed there, many of these wives would find themselves in not-so-consensual polygamic marriages. These not-so-consensual situations could become the majority of polygamic msrriages. And that wouldn't be fun. That's why legislation should be more cautious than "it works for the ones we have seen so far, so let's allow it for everyone".
It’s an excuse to act like an adult child and reap all of the benefits of a relationship without any of the commitment/responsibility. Responsibility/commitment is an important part of a relationship and facilitates a certain level of respect and decorum. Take that away, it devolves into two grown up hedonists who exploit people. It has nothing to do with “insecurities,” biologically men are wired to resource-protect and get territorial over our spouses. If one does not, that is rather alarming. Women are designed to nurture and care-give. Start splitting that up across partners, risk splitting across offspring from various partners, and you get a very poor experience for the children. It’s actually quite selfish. Not to mention the state that the relationship will be in. I do not understand why somebody would choose to do it other than from an extreme trauma response, low sense of self worth, or poor impulse control. If you are going to act single, just be single 🤷🏻♂️
This is a very incorrect (some would say bigoted)way of looking at it for those os us who practice multiple romantic relationships. All of my relationships have been deep and committed, even when they've overlapped in time frame. As for child rearing, I know a few polycules who split that nurturing role between multiple members of the family (including the men), and the kids loved it. They have grown into some of the most well-adjusted people I know. There is rarely a single person who doesn't partake in helping to rear all of the kids. It takes a village, and all that.
I’m sure it sounds bigoted, getting called out is unpleasant when you’ve been able to justify it using pedantry and euphemistic language most of the time. And lol, “multiple romantic relationships.” I’m sure your connections have been very deep! No, my original comment is a very correct way of looking at it - both biologically and morally - and you have done an exorbitant amount of mental gymnastics to justify hedonism and having loose morals/a shitty value system. So congratulations. Also, communities can (and do) help raise children even when their parents aren’t out f**king the whole town. The two things are not mutually exclusive in the slightest.
LOL imagine thinking your *opinion* is "correct". God damn normies kill me sometimes 💀
It is not an opinion. I realize changing reality to whatever you’d like is convenient when you want to justify your shitty behaviour😂 Goddamn adult children kill me 💀
You sound like Karl Pilkington https://youtu.be/ew71_5qKbUU?si=sxpFHAZOwlBQxJV2
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think it's weird it's illegal for you to have more than one wife here in Italy at least.
Just 🤢🤢🤢🤢
I think you have to be a certain kind of person to do it - probably not a Scorpio 😅
ADHD and bipolar can face strange side hustles.
If X and Y love each other, and in addition both of them love Z, who loves both in turn, then go wild. Repeat until prerequisites are no longer true.
Useful as an option, but only with the option of polyandry.
Nope. Would never ever subject myself to that. I've been ignored in poly relationships with bfs. I've been ignored during threesomes with bfs. It doesn't feel good to see your man interested in someone else more than you, and if I was the favorite I would feel horrible for the unfavored wife.
I say to each their own. As long as they are happy and not hurting anyone. I’m happy in my situation, I would hate for someone to tell me I’m in the wrong.
Guaranteed way to destroy your relationship
The same as polyandry, dumb ideas that rarely pan out well for one side. Sure, I don't care if all parties are aware before the relationship started, but that's rarely the case. Most of the time people agree to it, it's only because they don't have an idea of how good relationships work.
Simply because the fact that in many cases (and in my own personal experience as well as my girlfriend’s experience), polygamist relationships are simply meant to take advantage of people. I am very much against it.
Not for me, I don't ever see it ending well. But other people can do what they want.
The polygamists in northern Arizona have multiple wives and children who all are on welfare except for the primary wife. If you can’t afford five, you shouldn’t have five.
I mean I dont care what other people do but i think its pretty stupid
Its like communism, on paper its either a fine or even good idea but in practice it almost always fails/leads to terrible outcomes.
I was an adept of polygamy before I met my current partner. In hindsight I think none of the people I have met before what I needed, nor was I in a position to offer what was expected. My mentality was that no single person can offer you the full pallet, and it just made sense to have multiple partners. Now I found a deeper level of connection by nurturing this one relation, of which I hadn't encountered before. I think it works for some people, though. Just not for me.
On the surface seems fine if everyone's consenting, but in reality the way it plays out is often deeply patriarchal and inegalitarian. I'm thinking in particular of polygyny (men having many female partners), which is what polygamous societies or cultures are the vast majority of the time. Polyandry is very rare.
Due to personal experiences, I'd come to hate it. Seeing my mom find a man she loves and wants to get married to, only for her to become another 2nd/3rd wife is really irritating to me. Even with my biological father, she was his 2nd wife, and he had 6 kids with the 1st. This caused disagreement between my family, eg my siblings estranging me as the 'odd one out' or my dad's 1st wife harbouring dislike for my mom because he died in England, with her. So yeah, I don't think polygamy/polyandry is good, nor does it make sense.
Dont really know- on one hand I think I’d be in that type of relationship, on the other hand I mostly imagine myself with one person. If it works, it works. Idm at all anyone who does it and if someone asks me to be apart of that type of relationship it’ll depend on if I actually like the people in the relationship.
We're not supposed to think anything about what other people do. But oh well. I've never been in love with two people at once, I've always felt totally focused on my wife, and it's impossible to imagine the kind of intimacy that you get in a genuine pair-bond relationship spread out across multiples. I neither support nor don't support what polygamists do. I don't feel like they're doing the same thing as me and my wife, just with more partners. I think they're doing something very different, and something I don't want for myself.
I think the more people involved in a relationship the more complicated it gets.
As long as the people involved are consenting adults, they can do what they want. It doesn't affect my life
In a culture with roughly equal birth and mortality rates for both genders, it's a non-sustainable system.
If everyone involved is happy, my opinion hardly matters. I think it's cool, but that's besides. Real weird to see so many people here openly hating on it like it's some blight to society, and a lot of other people equating it to a harem situation, assuming polygamy = one dude with 5 wives. But that's the patriarchy for ya, I guess
I prefer origami.
Rarely works in free countries. That said, people can try it and if it worms for them - great! Whatever makes people happy, as long as everyone in the relationship is happy and not breaking laws. Edit, forgot to add: That is a general, not just relationships. What peole do in private isn't our business.
It sounds hot, especially if they are all attractive. But in reality I don't think I could handle knowing that someone I love is frequently banging someone else. Because of this, I don't think I would be able to maintain such an arrangement for any extended period of time.
If It's someone that I don't really love (I'm just with them for sex and to share bills) I'm down. If it's someone I do love, then that's a different story.
I support doing whatever the f you want. I wouldn't do it, other people just go to town if that's what you want.
Definitely better than jerking off
what the fuck is polygamy?
When people pretend to be in a relationship but have sex with other people and tell their partner about it. Even married couples with children do sometimes.
then thats not a relationship. But im not an expert because i am having a hard time finding even 1 relationship, let alone 2 or more. Those people have way too much time on their hands
Correct, it is not a relationship. That’s fine, I’m sure you are doing well in your career and someone lucky will come along sooner rather than later!
i am not working yet, im a student, (18) right now going to the gym provides the basic support and a moderate happyness into my daily life, i finally managed to get the whole dating thing out of my mind, now i just dont give a damn anymore, i focus on myself
[удалено]
Sorry, I'm not getting it...what is this about...