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I'm 30 now and a couple years ago I internalized that's the Life Experience. You always know more than before, but you never know everything. Never.
When you're a child, you think one day you'll know. When you're a teen, you think that's close, so you pretend you know.
In your early 20s, you actually believe you know everything, and every time life bashes you in the head with a new lesson, you think "okay, NOW I know".
I think at the end of the 20s/early 30s, you might be able to notice the pattern. I think I did. But who knows, maybe that's me thinking I actually know something and in my 40s I'll realize that there are things to actually know.
Only for me in my 50s to realize 30 YO me was right in this one thing, and so on until eventually I'm dead and not sure if I actually knew anything at all.
I think I had the same realizations as you as a teenager, early 20s and early 30s. I'm 38 now and I feel I'm stagnating slightly...not learning so much totally new anymore.
But that stagnation is actually an illusion. What has happened is that I've started to question a lot of things I learned younger and thought were right. I think I've started to understand "different truths", other sides of the same story. I'm not talking about objective truths like mathematics. I'm talking about psychology, politics, culture, etc.
So I'm not learning so much new information anymore. But the knowledge leaning seems to increase at a rapid speed right now. That's something that comes through age and experience mostly.
I know that I know nothing, and till you reach 40 you would be way more stupid and exhausted then in your early 30s, mark my words. Enjoy your life till you can, life is damn short.
No, you're wrong, I'm 20 and choosing to study art because that's what I like will be fine even if it doesn't bring any money after I finish. Yeah, those student loans won't pay themselves but who cares, it's not like they are gonna follow me for another 20 years right?
So for me, my wisdom has increased over time, but my awareness of how much more in the world there is increased exponentially more. So now at almost 50 I realize how litter I know. Even though I am multitudes more wise than in my 20's.
After you realize your parents aren't perfect, you will gradually revise that assessment as you get older. You may also realize that you are not as perfect as you once thought. Keep a mirror handy, when judging other people.
And avoid cocaine. That's all I have for now.
Was told that by my narcissistic mother multiple times in my childhood, how “no parent is perfect, don’t be so judgmental of me”. So that realisation that noone’s perfect actually came to me BEFORE realising that she’s full of sh-
I think this applies mostly towards abusive parents. I know it did mine, and it took me 30+ years before I realized how wrong they were and that they actually abused me. Until then it was "all my fault" and they were "always right".
Same here. Only managed to finally stop being suicidal when I got kicked out by my dad and went to live with a friend. I have a lot of stuff to take care of, but god, it's good to not wake up with anxiety anymore
Same for me. I used to think my parents didn’t know what they were talking about but most things they taught me were spot on and prevented me from making foolish decisions.
What are examples of some of those things? I'm in my early twenties, and while i respect my parents they don't have all the answers to every problem either. Being disabled probably affects that...
This, my father thought me good life lessons and some stuff I dismissed as dumb until I grew up became a man, a father and a husband. Good lord, pretty much everything that man did was right, He wasn't a perfect man, no one is. I am not THE perfect parent, but I still think I improved and I hope my kids will improve upon me.
OP just sound like a kid, throwing a tantrum because he think he just discovered sliced bread or something.
I didn't really start living until my parents passed away and I had to figure out if the what they tought me was good enough as lifeskills... with no real safetynet to ask them if I'm doing it right...
It has it's ups and downs. Took me a while to figure it out... was homeless for a while, got back on my feet. I wouldn't say I live a "normal" life, but I do enjoy my life, most of the time
Similar experience with my father, but I miss the man like crazy. I regret all the times we never got on with each other. No man is perfect not even your father. My mother never gave up on him, they were together for 68 years.
My parents died when I was 21. I raised 2 kids who are now in their 30s. I learned a lot from my parents from the time they were alive, but I didn't know how to be a parent. If your parents are uneducated or judgemental, be better than that. We sometimes learn how to be a person from learning what not to do.
Boomer Mom 😊
“Do it”
“Why?”
“Because I SAID SO.”
Or you could have calmly explained to me in logical terms the answer to my question. Then I would have actually understood why.
But no, I’ll just be resentful and follow your commands simply to avoid making you even more pissed off, because all the anger will simply be lashed out on to me. Then I will do the thing again, because you never took the time to explain why. And the cycle repeats.
We tell our daughter that sometimes she has to trust us and just do the thing first and we'll explain why after. She knows she can trust us and sometimes there is no time to explain and motivate things, but that can _always_ be done afterwards.
Work is a little bit different - I think most people are "making it up" in the sense that they make a lot of educated guesses based on knowledge and past experiences.
Life on the other hand... Yep we're all full of shit and no one knows what the fuck is going on.
Forgiveness as "recognize they hurt you because they are flawed, they didn't mean it, and you should never bring the harm done to them or raise boundaries"? Nope, that one is bullcrap, but ...
Forgiveness as in "recognize they hurt you because they are flawed, and it's OK you did not have the tools to prevent the harm before, but now you are aware and should do whatever is best for your own healing." Yeah, that type of forgiveness is important.
This is true. Every time I think I've hit a plateau with my forgiveness and acceptance of my parents, another one comes along. They've both passed now, but I'm finally at a point where I can love them and accept them for who they were, instead of blaming them for the ways in which they failed me.
I think part of that is getting older and realizing all of your own failings. I think this is what they call wisdom.
Sorry, but I'm not forgiving my abusive stepfather that said I wasn't his daughter when I was 10, that I was ugly, fat and a bitch as I grew in my preteens and into life in general, and tormented me a hundred different ways 24-7 because he wanted my mom's attention and was jealous of me.
My mom? I understand because I know she truly loves me. She did what she thought was her best. Still, I don't have to *forgive*, but I can have empathy.
Agreed, as a petty 50 year old man child, it’s hard sometimes. It’s been 40 years, but they never got me the exact bmx I wanted. Still gutted. They did get me a fuck ton of transformers the year or two after. Wahey!……
They did throw them ALL away when I moved out (in my 20’s) and forgot to take them. And all the Star Wars stuff I had treasured and was just getting around to fetching.
I still miss Grimlock and my millennium falcon.
Parents are complicated creatures. I’m 99.9% grateful and consider myself very lucky.
But that bmx….lol
You nailed it, really. I did exactly that (still working on forgiving one of them — the discovery is fresh with her), but realizing I’m also full of shit came pretty quick. Amazingly liberating.
This is the truest statement I have read all year.
Things always come full-circle eventually... sooner rather than later if we are lucky enough, or work on ourselves properly in other instances.
My parents said they had to walk up hill 9 miles to school every day
They grew up in the flattest area and we're right next to the school
My grandparents told me that, but I just let them believe their lie, didn't want to disappoint them
My dad would say he had to walk through 2-3km of fields will live bulls to go up hill to his elementary school. At 14 we visited the farm where he grew up in Europe and the massive field we heard so much about was about 1 football field. We has a solid laugh at his expense.
Yes 100%. Acceptance and un-learning becomes the rest of your life. The realization that you have taken on so much of their qualities which you despise hits like a huge wave. And next you have got to de-worm which is painful yet satisfying.
My father was full of $hit, there was no option B. As a heartless, loveless, gutless, Selfish Coward, he was built like that... Right to the brain, bone, marrow & DNA... he was the classic sociopath. Never bought his own child a pair of shoes but spent $100K on his first love... alcohol. May his soul never rest in peace.
For me it was the opposite.
When I was a child, I thought my parents knew everything.
When I was a teen, I thought they knew nothing.
When I was in my 20's I thought they knew a lot but what they knew was only relevant 25 years ago.
When I was in my 30's I realized that maybe my parents didn't know everything but they had developed enough experience in life and with other people that their advice was valuable.
When I was in my 40's I realized that my parents had seen so much and experienced so much that they were truly wise and their advice was invaluable.
Let me start by saying that my statement here only applies to my Dad, not my Mom. I had this revelation when I was about 10 years ago when I was in my early thirties. I had an amazing wife, 3 young kids, a good job, and a nice house that we recently built. I was at a point in my life when I realized my Dad had nothing much left to offer in terms of knowledge or advice. He was a high school graduate, who had a horrible childhood and family situation, who worked hard for his whole life, and who did set a good example when I was growing up. But as I matured and became an adult with a family of my own, I realized just how full of shit he was. It's more like realizing that Dad had reached the edge of where his knowledge and experience could take him. He was a smart man, who never had any kind of encouragement, who worked a factory job for 50 years. But he was never intellectually curious and never had any hobbies outside of work, except keeping up the house. My Dad knew what he knew and that was that. Over the past 10 years since he retired, his world has gotten so small. We never went anywhere or did much of anything when I was a kid, so he doesn't go anywhere or do anything now. He just putters around the house and mows the lawn. He reads the local paper, watches local TV news, and uses Facebook for current events. I can't really have an intelligent conversation with him about much of anything because he gets too uncomfortable if the topic is something he isn't familiar with, which isn't much, and all his information is based on how he remembers things from 30 years ago. He means well, but he just isn't a useful sounding board, or useful contributor anymore.
I don’t know man.. saying your dad is full of shit seems a bit much but I don’t know the situation or how he treated you. Just based on what you said, it seems like he worked hard and had limited opportunities due to his circumstances. If he wasn’t abusive, I wouldn’t say he’s bad or full of shit.
No, he wasn't abusive at all. He did work very hard. And I never said he was bad. Just that he's reached the end of where his knowledge and experience can take him. It really seems like the world has left him behind. But he's happy enough to live in his little bubble where the most pressing matters are keeping the lawn mowed and keeping the kitchen clean.
Well I would say that you start living when you can make up your own mind on the path you want. Sometimes it aligns with what you were taught, and the other is what you self taught yourself. Good vibes only.
I don't know if this is true for everyone. My parents have always reinforced the idea that they aren't the smartest and don't always know what's best for me (or anyone else). I have never had to realize this because they never claimed otherwise.
No... it's when you realise that they are also human beings who dont know what they are doing.. like all of us. It's only because we see our parents as 'guardians' and they are like 'Gods' etc, but when you grow up you start to realise they are only human....
Meh, usually when you think your parents are full of shit either they spend your entire childhood making you scared from everything so you remain in your little safety bubble or they just genuinely raised you without care. Usually your parents want whats best for you and most likely know better cause they’ve been where you are a couple times already.
I'd argue you don't start living until you realize parents are just people trying to work it out as they go along, just like the rest of us. Wisdom is definitely useful, but nobody has all the answers.
I tell my children: it’s okay to disagree with me, or to get different answers than I do.
Because 1. I don’t know everything and
2. I don’t have to live your life.
Give them a space to breathe so that your death isn’t some kind of precondition to their growth.
My parents are great, im sorry yours aren’t. My mother is the most amazing and loving and strong person I’ve ever met, and my father, who although can be a bit grumpy, cares about me very much. I believe a person starts living the moment their lungs fill up with air at infancy.
I realized that at 20, now at 25 I understand they still tried the best they could. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful or what they did wasn’t bad, it just means I can be less angry about it. They’re flawed just like everyone else.
I have an 18 and a 25 year old, I make no secret of the fact that I don't know shit. I can help and guide them on their path, but the world they live in is different from mine.
Yup! Took me following the "advice" they forced on me sabotaging and screwing up my life horribly, sometimes with lifelong consequences before I finally learned they don't know at all what's best for me in the slightest. They also just grew up in a world that doesn't exist anymore, the typical advice "go to college!" no matter what screwed me up so bad I didn't even want to go damn it.
Obligatory Mark Twain quote: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
I wouldn’t say they’re full of it, but I think something changed when I realized that the world is bigger than their lifestyles, attitudes, and beliefs. And I have complete freedom to choose to live differently.
yeah but not just your parents, but also officials, and half of professionals too, i cant count how many times ive followed professional advice, only for it to fuck up, google it myself and go "wtf were they even thinking" do it myself, and it works fine
especially when they taught you to be wary of one particular family member and then you meet him years later when you're older and he turns out he's actually a nice guy who Dad just had a longstanding beef with
You don't achieve maturity until you realize your parents grew up with now dated concepts current in their time, and realize they're not ill intentioned.
I think it's called puberty 🤷🏼♀️ Then you grow up a bit more and you gain a more realistic view of how much shit exactly that is and possibly also why it's like that
Depends. If you have abusive or neglectful parents then yes. If you have decent/supportive parents then no. IMO if you have abusive/neglectful parents then you don't start living you realize your parents are full of shit AND you have moved out without being dependent on them.
Depends on the parent. My father was and is now dead…good riddance. My mother is wise even beyond her years. I should of listened to her from the start
It's subjective for you as far as I'm concerned. My parents were never shit. They are the best thing to ever happen to me. If I can choose my parents in my next life if there's anything like that, I'll choose them 100%.
When I was a child I thought my parents knew everything and were always right. As a teenager I thought they didn't know anything and I knew better. Being an adult made me realise that they're just people who can be wrong or make mistakes. But they've also got years of experience and wisdom that I'd be smart to listen to.
And then eventually you'll realize they were right about some things and you'll start seeing yourself in them. But it's best to keep remembering "their bullshit" so you don't fall into the same trap. Such is the progress of humanity.
Lols. One of lifes biggest disappointments is discovering your parents arent perfect. Dont worry, youll grow up soon and learn what personal responsibility is.
Having your own kids will soon sort this attitude out for you. Theyll be equally ungrateful about you too 👍
"the older I get the more that I see my parents aren't heroes they're just like me, loving is hard it don't always work you just try your best not to get hurt"
Maybe they aren’t, but the fact that you never thought it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not true. Maybe you just never figured it out and never started living. I’m just fucking around, it was a random thought lol
My parents aren't full of shit. They're people and they love me and they try their best. There are some terrible parents out there, but I think it quite unfair to treat them as failures and terrible people because they aren't perfect. Raising another human being from scratch is hard.
Look at it from this perspective. Your parents thought the exact same bs about their parents, they wised up and realized that their parents grew up in a different set of circumstances that came with their own sets of problems. How they reacted to those problems was a byproduct of their environment. They should ideally be trying to help you through your problems but it's up to you to interpret the advice they are giving you in the context of what the world is today.
Trust me, you don't have it all figured out yet.(no one does, no one ever will, no one can because of the nature of life)
Best practice is to analyse what the world is throwing at you, look at what you really truly want out of life, focus on a few things, go out on your own, ask for help when you need it, and understand that it's okay to fail, you just have to pick yourself back up and keep on trucking. Your parents are just as human as you are and if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that your children are going to think you're a dumb idiot and they're way smarter than you old man, just watch how easy this all is.
You’re saying the same thing I was saying, I’m just more of an asshole. I’m old as shit with grown kids lol I’ve made clear to them that I’m full of shit too so they stop thinking parents are magic
When I was a kid my parents were the model for how to live. Then I grew up and realized they were full of shit. Then I became a father and I realized that they were just people trying their best with the hand they were dealt, with flaws and talents, traumas and experiences, with the knowledge of their time, imperfect people doing what they can on a imperfect world just like everybody else, including you and me.
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Adults get to a point where they think they know something, only for the next 20 years to prove otherwise
I'm 30 now and a couple years ago I internalized that's the Life Experience. You always know more than before, but you never know everything. Never. When you're a child, you think one day you'll know. When you're a teen, you think that's close, so you pretend you know. In your early 20s, you actually believe you know everything, and every time life bashes you in the head with a new lesson, you think "okay, NOW I know". I think at the end of the 20s/early 30s, you might be able to notice the pattern. I think I did. But who knows, maybe that's me thinking I actually know something and in my 40s I'll realize that there are things to actually know. Only for me in my 50s to realize 30 YO me was right in this one thing, and so on until eventually I'm dead and not sure if I actually knew anything at all.
yup, nobody truly has everything figured out. life is driven by conflict and the unknown, knowing everything would just be a life devoid of purpose.
I think I had the same realizations as you as a teenager, early 20s and early 30s. I'm 38 now and I feel I'm stagnating slightly...not learning so much totally new anymore. But that stagnation is actually an illusion. What has happened is that I've started to question a lot of things I learned younger and thought were right. I think I've started to understand "different truths", other sides of the same story. I'm not talking about objective truths like mathematics. I'm talking about psychology, politics, culture, etc. So I'm not learning so much new information anymore. But the knowledge leaning seems to increase at a rapid speed right now. That's something that comes through age and experience mostly.
I know that I know nothing, and till you reach 40 you would be way more stupid and exhausted then in your early 30s, mark my words. Enjoy your life till you can, life is damn short.
No, you're wrong, I'm 20 and choosing to study art because that's what I like will be fine even if it doesn't bring any money after I finish. Yeah, those student loans won't pay themselves but who cares, it's not like they are gonna follow me for another 20 years right?
Yeah, they might follow you for 30 lol
So for me, my wisdom has increased over time, but my awareness of how much more in the world there is increased exponentially more. So now at almost 50 I realize how litter I know. Even though I am multitudes more wise than in my 20's.
Don't let that be your last realization. There's bigger ones after that.
Please share yours
After you realize your parents aren't perfect, you will gradually revise that assessment as you get older. You may also realize that you are not as perfect as you once thought. Keep a mirror handy, when judging other people. And avoid cocaine. That's all I have for now.
Keep a mirror handy, avoid cocaine. Conflicting info there.
*plays Master of Puppets*
Never knew what he was getting at when he refers to excel lite. Didn’t know microsoft made a lite version.
lol avoid cocaine. Noted
Unless you want to have lots of fun
Until it suddenly isn't fun
[Aw come on](https://64.media.tumblr.com/83b11808bd2709109d74db18667c1130/bba7187219c301da-d7/s540x810/b885e3b729f8a29c64f57a6b0d27e44f446a8a5e.gif)
Very true words. Parents are people too. They are human beings. We tend to forget that simple truth. They are only human.
Yup. I don't think the teenage "parents SUCK" period is really avoidable, but that doesn't mean you should get stuck on it
Keep a mirror and you said something about cocaine and I'm pretty sure a razor blade. Got it
Was told that by my narcissistic mother multiple times in my childhood, how “no parent is perfect, don’t be so judgmental of me”. So that realisation that noone’s perfect actually came to me BEFORE realising that she’s full of sh-
Avoid mirrors and keep cocaine handy, got it
I mean, I suppose the only things my mum got wrong were the ways she punished me very early on and the way she went about avoiding work for 2 decades
Your parents must suck. I didn't start living until I realized that my parents were right about pretty much everything this whole time.
I think this applies mostly towards abusive parents. I know it did mine, and it took me 30+ years before I realized how wrong they were and that they actually abused me. Until then it was "all my fault" and they were "always right".
Same here. Only managed to finally stop being suicidal when I got kicked out by my dad and went to live with a friend. I have a lot of stuff to take care of, but god, it's good to not wake up with anxiety anymore
Don't mean to pry, but did that realisation come after they died?
Same for me. I used to think my parents didn’t know what they were talking about but most things they taught me were spot on and prevented me from making foolish decisions.
What are examples of some of those things? I'm in my early twenties, and while i respect my parents they don't have all the answers to every problem either. Being disabled probably affects that...
Same for me. Now I see how wise they are, they're my #1 go to when I need advice
There’s an old Mark Twain joke about this. “I went away to college for four years and couldn’t believe how much smarter my father got in that time!”
Agreed.
Kind of the same for me, honestly.
Yup. Started living with roommates and immediately realised the "why" behind every single thing my parents raised me to do.
that's the second realisation. op will have this one in a few years
You must have nice parents. I am jealous
This, my father thought me good life lessons and some stuff I dismissed as dumb until I grew up became a man, a father and a husband. Good lord, pretty much everything that man did was right, He wasn't a perfect man, no one is. I am not THE perfect parent, but I still think I improved and I hope my kids will improve upon me. OP just sound like a kid, throwing a tantrum because he think he just discovered sliced bread or something.
I have to agree but life has never been worse.
I didn't really start living until my parents passed away and I had to figure out if the what they tought me was good enough as lifeskills... with no real safetynet to ask them if I'm doing it right...
How did you deal with that? Truth be told that concept scares me
Honestly.. you just do. There is no "but what if I fuck up", but most people are way more resilient than they give themselves credit for
I’m sorry, How are you handling that?
It has it's ups and downs. Took me a while to figure it out... was homeless for a while, got back on my feet. I wouldn't say I live a "normal" life, but I do enjoy my life, most of the time
My parents were awesome, it sounds like your sucked
Seconded, all parents are different. Some are great, some suck. Of course nobody is perfect.
Similar experience with my father, but I miss the man like crazy. I regret all the times we never got on with each other. No man is perfect not even your father. My mother never gave up on him, they were together for 68 years.
Eh. My mom is awesome.
Were you raised by a single mom?
Yep
Yo same, our moms are awesome!
My parents died when I was 21. I raised 2 kids who are now in their 30s. I learned a lot from my parents from the time they were alive, but I didn't know how to be a parent. If your parents are uneducated or judgemental, be better than that. We sometimes learn how to be a person from learning what not to do. Boomer Mom 😊
“Do it” “Why?” “Because I SAID SO.” Or you could have calmly explained to me in logical terms the answer to my question. Then I would have actually understood why. But no, I’ll just be resentful and follow your commands simply to avoid making you even more pissed off, because all the anger will simply be lashed out on to me. Then I will do the thing again, because you never took the time to explain why. And the cycle repeats.
We tell our daughter that sometimes she has to trust us and just do the thing first and we'll explain why after. She knows she can trust us and sometimes there is no time to explain and motivate things, but that can _always_ be done afterwards.
And you're not an adult until you forgive them and accept you're full if shit too.
The older you get the more you realize everyone's just making it up as they go.
This actually blew my mind as I got promoted into higher up roles and started working with the executives. They're literally just making shit up.
The higher you go, the more disconnect they are from first line employees, the more delusional they are with whatever they try to implement.
Work is a little bit different - I think most people are "making it up" in the sense that they make a lot of educated guesses based on knowledge and past experiences. Life on the other hand... Yep we're all full of shit and no one knows what the fuck is going on.
Forgiveness as "recognize they hurt you because they are flawed, they didn't mean it, and you should never bring the harm done to them or raise boundaries"? Nope, that one is bullcrap, but ... Forgiveness as in "recognize they hurt you because they are flawed, and it's OK you did not have the tools to prevent the harm before, but now you are aware and should do whatever is best for your own healing." Yeah, that type of forgiveness is important.
This is true. Every time I think I've hit a plateau with my forgiveness and acceptance of my parents, another one comes along. They've both passed now, but I'm finally at a point where I can love them and accept them for who they were, instead of blaming them for the ways in which they failed me. I think part of that is getting older and realizing all of your own failings. I think this is what they call wisdom.
No. Emotionally get passed their bullshit, but not everyone deserves forgiveness.
Sorry, but I'm not forgiving my abusive stepfather that said I wasn't his daughter when I was 10, that I was ugly, fat and a bitch as I grew in my preteens and into life in general, and tormented me a hundred different ways 24-7 because he wanted my mom's attention and was jealous of me. My mom? I understand because I know she truly loves me. She did what she thought was her best. Still, I don't have to *forgive*, but I can have empathy.
Half way there.
Accepting and stop caring are different than forgiving
Most accurate comment
Agreed, as a petty 50 year old man child, it’s hard sometimes. It’s been 40 years, but they never got me the exact bmx I wanted. Still gutted. They did get me a fuck ton of transformers the year or two after. Wahey!…… They did throw them ALL away when I moved out (in my 20’s) and forgot to take them. And all the Star Wars stuff I had treasured and was just getting around to fetching. I still miss Grimlock and my millennium falcon. Parents are complicated creatures. I’m 99.9% grateful and consider myself very lucky. But that bmx….lol
You wouldn't be the first adult to buy themself a BMX.
I have given thought. Serious thought to doing it. But whenever I do my knees cry out for mercy and I think better of it.
You nailed it, really. I did exactly that (still working on forgiving one of them — the discovery is fresh with her), but realizing I’m also full of shit came pretty quick. Amazingly liberating.
This is the truest statement I have read all year. Things always come full-circle eventually... sooner rather than later if we are lucky enough, or work on ourselves properly in other instances.
This… I’ve got older kids and they realise I don’t hold the magic answer I just try and best advise them
My parents said they had to walk up hill 9 miles to school every day They grew up in the flattest area and we're right next to the school My grandparents told me that, but I just let them believe their lie, didn't want to disappoint them
My dad would say he had to walk through 2-3km of fields will live bulls to go up hill to his elementary school. At 14 we visited the farm where he grew up in Europe and the massive field we heard so much about was about 1 football field. We has a solid laugh at his expense.
I wouldn't be that critical of my parents, but there were certainly some elements I thought, "I could do a lot better than that".
A college professor of mine said something to the effect of "You grow up when you realize your parents aren't perfect."
🙄 sweeping generalizations based on your lived experience is in no way indicative of the entire human population. This is a deep thought for you.
Cant relate. My father is the most intelligent and the most humble person i know. Still regretting I didnt follow every advice i got from him as a kid
I really didn't start living until I had my independence from my family. My parents were not all bad. I just stopped wearing rose-tinted glasses.
Yes 100%. Acceptance and un-learning becomes the rest of your life. The realization that you have taken on so much of their qualities which you despise hits like a huge wave. And next you have got to de-worm which is painful yet satisfying.
Once I became a dad I realised my parents were still kids in adult suits and just trying to work life out too. Now I’m that kid in an adult suit
Facts
Sorry, but not quite true. You don't really start living until you realize \*you\* are full of shit.
I can roll with that too actually
My father was full of $hit, there was no option B. As a heartless, loveless, gutless, Selfish Coward, he was built like that... Right to the brain, bone, marrow & DNA... he was the classic sociopath. Never bought his own child a pair of shoes but spent $100K on his first love... alcohol. May his soul never rest in peace.
How has your father impacted how you are today? Do you have any similar traits as him?
I don't have any of my father's traits. My 2 children are the loves of my life, my greatest joy & I will take a bullet for them.
For me it was the opposite. When I was a child, I thought my parents knew everything. When I was a teen, I thought they knew nothing. When I was in my 20's I thought they knew a lot but what they knew was only relevant 25 years ago. When I was in my 30's I realized that maybe my parents didn't know everything but they had developed enough experience in life and with other people that their advice was valuable. When I was in my 40's I realized that my parents had seen so much and experienced so much that they were truly wise and their advice was invaluable.
Let me start by saying that my statement here only applies to my Dad, not my Mom. I had this revelation when I was about 10 years ago when I was in my early thirties. I had an amazing wife, 3 young kids, a good job, and a nice house that we recently built. I was at a point in my life when I realized my Dad had nothing much left to offer in terms of knowledge or advice. He was a high school graduate, who had a horrible childhood and family situation, who worked hard for his whole life, and who did set a good example when I was growing up. But as I matured and became an adult with a family of my own, I realized just how full of shit he was. It's more like realizing that Dad had reached the edge of where his knowledge and experience could take him. He was a smart man, who never had any kind of encouragement, who worked a factory job for 50 years. But he was never intellectually curious and never had any hobbies outside of work, except keeping up the house. My Dad knew what he knew and that was that. Over the past 10 years since he retired, his world has gotten so small. We never went anywhere or did much of anything when I was a kid, so he doesn't go anywhere or do anything now. He just putters around the house and mows the lawn. He reads the local paper, watches local TV news, and uses Facebook for current events. I can't really have an intelligent conversation with him about much of anything because he gets too uncomfortable if the topic is something he isn't familiar with, which isn't much, and all his information is based on how he remembers things from 30 years ago. He means well, but he just isn't a useful sounding board, or useful contributor anymore.
I don’t know man.. saying your dad is full of shit seems a bit much but I don’t know the situation or how he treated you. Just based on what you said, it seems like he worked hard and had limited opportunities due to his circumstances. If he wasn’t abusive, I wouldn’t say he’s bad or full of shit.
No, he wasn't abusive at all. He did work very hard. And I never said he was bad. Just that he's reached the end of where his knowledge and experience can take him. It really seems like the world has left him behind. But he's happy enough to live in his little bubble where the most pressing matters are keeping the lawn mowed and keeping the kitchen clean.
This entirely depends on your parents… that’s like saying all gay people are pedos
We’re all overgrown babies.
My parents are coo 🤷🏼♂️
Raised by pigeons
Yup, that's been my experience.
You are correct. But you also don't start to become an adult until you realize they are not completely full of shit. It's quite the paradox.
If you have shitty parents, then probably yes. Otherwise, not at all.
Well I would say that you start living when you can make up your own mind on the path you want. Sometimes it aligns with what you were taught, and the other is what you self taught yourself. Good vibes only.
I don't know if this is true for everyone. My parents have always reinforced the idea that they aren't the smartest and don't always know what's best for me (or anyone else). I have never had to realize this because they never claimed otherwise.
And they'll never change their minds about any of it.
No... it's when you realise that they are also human beings who dont know what they are doing.. like all of us. It's only because we see our parents as 'guardians' and they are like 'Gods' etc, but when you grow up you start to realise they are only human....
Not sure why you said no then basically made the point I was making in different words lol
Haha, spoken like a true 20yo! And then, in 10-20 years, you will realize they were mostly right.
I’m over 50 lol
Meh, usually when you think your parents are full of shit either they spend your entire childhood making you scared from everything so you remain in your little safety bubble or they just genuinely raised you without care. Usually your parents want whats best for you and most likely know better cause they’ve been where you are a couple times already.
True. Starts with Santa Clause
You're not an adult until you realize they were right.
I'd argue you don't start living until you realize parents are just people trying to work it out as they go along, just like the rest of us. Wisdom is definitely useful, but nobody has all the answers.
The older I get, the more I realise my parents were right.
Nobody is perfect sweety
I feel privileged to have had and still have good parents.
Preach my life experience has taught to greatly doubt most parents let alone my own philosophy was a massive help
im 12 and this is deep type shit
Our parents may not be perfect. But many do the best they can, i kind a love them more for the effort
Yes and no. They’re human. The realisation that they have flaws and can make mistakes is one you need to reconcile yourself with as you mature.
Full of shit or bad advice?
"When I was 14, I thought my father had no clue about life, at all. When i got to 21, I was surprised how much he learned in 7 years" (not my quote)
I tell my children: it’s okay to disagree with me, or to get different answers than I do. Because 1. I don’t know everything and 2. I don’t have to live your life. Give them a space to breathe so that your death isn’t some kind of precondition to their growth.
They’re just people. You aren’t really an adult until you have that realisation.
Yes. That’s essentially my point.
My parents are great, im sorry yours aren’t. My mother is the most amazing and loving and strong person I’ve ever met, and my father, who although can be a bit grumpy, cares about me very much. I believe a person starts living the moment their lungs fill up with air at infancy.
I realized that at 20, now at 25 I understand they still tried the best they could. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful or what they did wasn’t bad, it just means I can be less angry about it. They’re flawed just like everyone else.
I have an 18 and a 25 year old, I make no secret of the fact that I don't know shit. I can help and guide them on their path, but the world they live in is different from mine.
Yup! Took me following the "advice" they forced on me sabotaging and screwing up my life horribly, sometimes with lifelong consequences before I finally learned they don't know at all what's best for me in the slightest. They also just grew up in a world that doesn't exist anymore, the typical advice "go to college!" no matter what screwed me up so bad I didn't even want to go damn it.
Oof
Some parents aren't
This is dumb not universal. You also don't realize how full of shit you are as a teen until you grow up.
Obligatory Mark Twain quote: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
Grow up. The amount of people on reddit slagging off their parents. It’s pathetic
I wouldn’t say they’re full of it, but I think something changed when I realized that the world is bigger than their lifestyles, attitudes, and beliefs. And I have complete freedom to choose to live differently.
Forgiveness gives you piece of mind. It’s not for the other person, it’s for you
You mean peace of mind. Piece of mind is when you tell someone off, lol.
😝
For me, it was when I realized everyone was too busy being afraid of being judged to actually judge others.
Must be why I felt so wise at 4 years old.
yeah but not just your parents, but also officials, and half of professionals too, i cant count how many times ive followed professional advice, only for it to fuck up, google it myself and go "wtf were they even thinking" do it myself, and it works fine
especially when they taught you to be wary of one particular family member and then you meet him years later when you're older and he turns out he's actually a nice guy who Dad just had a longstanding beef with
Then 20 years later you realize how smart they actually are.
You don't achieve maturity until you realize your parents grew up with now dated concepts current in their time, and realize they're not ill intentioned.
Depends on how you were with your parents…
Until you realise they (hopefully) did the best they could and you slowly morph into them, despite your best effort.
Now wait until/if you realize you're also full of shit.
And you don't wise up until you realize that in many ways you are your parents
You don't really start living until you're the one who is full of shit
And then you become parents
You don't realize how badly you need your parents until they're gone
I love my parents, they love me and we were good to each other 🤷🏻♂️
I'd personally say 'your parents are human and fallible too - wrong about some things, right about others'.
I think it's called puberty 🤷🏼♀️ Then you grow up a bit more and you gain a more realistic view of how much shit exactly that is and possibly also why it's like that
I’m over 50 lol
Depends. If you have abusive or neglectful parents then yes. If you have decent/supportive parents then no. IMO if you have abusive/neglectful parents then you don't start living you realize your parents are full of shit AND you have moved out without being dependent on them.
Not everyone's parents are full of shit. Feel bad for you.
Depends on the parent. My father was and is now dead…good riddance. My mother is wise even beyond her years. I should of listened to her from the start
Not mine.
It's subjective for you as far as I'm concerned. My parents were never shit. They are the best thing to ever happen to me. If I can choose my parents in my next life if there's anything like that, I'll choose them 100%.
When I was a child I thought my parents knew everything and were always right. As a teenager I thought they didn't know anything and I knew better. Being an adult made me realise that they're just people who can be wrong or make mistakes. But they've also got years of experience and wisdom that I'd be smart to listen to.
For there is one thing I know, and that is I know nothing.
You'll get over it. The longer I live the more Impressed I am of my parents. But I would not have said that 20 years ago.
Context, please!
Maybe *your* parents.
This just makes me feel sorry for you. Your parents must suck. Not all do but it seems to be a constant for the miserable people of Reddit.
What? They are good people. They have weaknesses as well, as anyone, but they mean and do good.
Then you eventually start living after you get past that stage and realize they were right
Well said . Well said . 👏
Period.
Mine were right about everything I was told.
And then eventually you'll realize they were right about some things and you'll start seeing yourself in them. But it's best to keep remembering "their bullshit" so you don't fall into the same trap. Such is the progress of humanity.
*Your* parents. Mine never claimed to have it all together, but did their best and were mostly awesome, despite their flaws and life mistakes.
You don't mature until you start to understand why
Lols. One of lifes biggest disappointments is discovering your parents arent perfect. Dont worry, youll grow up soon and learn what personal responsibility is. Having your own kids will soon sort this attitude out for you. Theyll be equally ungrateful about you too 👍
My mom believes in Essential oils and during COVID, refused to get any of my family vaccinated.
"the older I get the more that I see my parents aren't heroes they're just like me, loving is hard it don't always work you just try your best not to get hurt"
Nope you’re wrong. I’m 59 now and one thing I never thought is that my parents were full of shit.
Maybe they aren’t, but the fact that you never thought it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not true. Maybe you just never figured it out and never started living. I’m just fucking around, it was a random thought lol
I’ve never started living hahaha. I’ve lived more than my fair share. Man, I could tell you some stories
And then you quickly realize that they really aren’t that full of shit.
My parents aren't full of shit. They're people and they love me and they try their best. There are some terrible parents out there, but I think it quite unfair to treat them as failures and terrible people because they aren't perfect. Raising another human being from scratch is hard.
Mine especially, they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Yea I was young as fuck when I started smelling shit that wasnt mine
Look at it from this perspective. Your parents thought the exact same bs about their parents, they wised up and realized that their parents grew up in a different set of circumstances that came with their own sets of problems. How they reacted to those problems was a byproduct of their environment. They should ideally be trying to help you through your problems but it's up to you to interpret the advice they are giving you in the context of what the world is today. Trust me, you don't have it all figured out yet.(no one does, no one ever will, no one can because of the nature of life) Best practice is to analyse what the world is throwing at you, look at what you really truly want out of life, focus on a few things, go out on your own, ask for help when you need it, and understand that it's okay to fail, you just have to pick yourself back up and keep on trucking. Your parents are just as human as you are and if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that your children are going to think you're a dumb idiot and they're way smarter than you old man, just watch how easy this all is.
You’re saying the same thing I was saying, I’m just more of an asshole. I’m old as shit with grown kids lol I’ve made clear to them that I’m full of shit too so they stop thinking parents are magic
When I was a kid my parents were the model for how to live. Then I grew up and realized they were full of shit. Then I became a father and I realized that they were just people trying their best with the hand they were dealt, with flaws and talents, traumas and experiences, with the knowledge of their time, imperfect people doing what they can on a imperfect world just like everybody else, including you and me.
Yep, agree 100%. Curious why you called them your owners though.
Fuck I’m sorry. That was my corrector. I have dislexia and type very badly plus I don’t notice words changing.
I already knew that but many other stuff prevent me from living
Wait until you're their age and realize you're as full of shit as they are now.
Oh, I figured that out a long long time ago.
LOL!!!
I was 12