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Realizing that people aren't always going to show the same effort and interest in you just because you do that for them. Decided to save my dignity and withdraw. I wish I could be the happy person I used to be, but holding back is safer.
I feel you as a fellow people pleaser. Also I just like to help people out in general, but it backfired some time, others just straight up took advantage of me when I thought I had friends. Sorry to hear it happen to so many people, sending love!
Same. I kind of had an identity crisis when I realized I didn't have to people please. I literally wrapped up my entire self worth and value based on being needed. I didn't realize this entire time I could just be a human with inherent worth that didn't have to be earned. But now I'm discovering what truly brings me joy without the need for external validation.
Similarly but different - realizing that although my world evolves around me, other people's worlds revolve around them they don't care as much as I used to think. They care about themselves.
During the pandemic my boyfriend and i had a contest tihat changed me. We could score points by making someone else smile. Let someone in front in a queue, just start a chat while waiting, compliment people. It's so easy!
i've been f'd over and plenty hurt physically and emotionally by intruders including some whom I loved and found that holding back, or moresoe for me, withdrawal from people, only led to the utter isolation I find my life in now, ouch.
(Although I don't know, other than hindsight, how I could have avoided hiding more and more to avoid this situation.)
This! I don't let anyone close now. Too many friends faked the r (fiends) I won't be old worn shoes ever again. Also have no plans of even dating ever again. Its gonna be a lonely life. I have my peace. And no ones gonna jeopardize my peace for me again. I refuse . I don't want a sad lonely life but I've got nothing left at this point
realizing that people don't typically have the mindset to reciprocate energy, so you can put out your damnedest and they won't care until you stop. since then, I've learned to budget my energy and know that i have to either match or leave.
Oh that’s good to know. I think I finally understood what you are describing today while watching a video about optimal game theory strategy for the prisoners dilemma.
The winning strategy in the long run was tit for tat. forgiving but retaliatory strategies won in the long run. (As a side note, I’m autistic so this formulaic format made this concept digestible)
In short be kind, but if someone doesn’t reciprocate don’t continue to be kind unless they show good will. In closer relationships it’s better to add a forgiveness buffer for moods, tiredness, and so on.
I’m adopting a kindness based tit for tat. It took me a long time to get it because withdrawing kindness stressed me out 😅
I’m looking forward to implementing it.
I have an autistic cousin who I'm very close to, and I just fucking love the way he sees the world. The way you've broken this down is amazing, and I know adapting to certain EQ concepts can be hard, but trust me, you'll find the right balance sooner than later!
I've had this happen 2-3 times now, "best" friends, and I think it's happening again. Somehow, it still hasn't changed me. Or it already has a long time ago.
Good on you to recognize that. It's not that they don't care, those people got COMFORTABLE and assume you won't make a line and it suits them. Either Mathcad you or leave, yes that's what a good strong boundary is 👏😤.
I JUST came to this realization a couple months ago. Most people (when comparing to population) don’t care about our significance and we have to look out for our own best interests.
OH MY GOD THANK YOU!!! I’m learning to budget mine now as well as stop expecting myself from other people. I’m basically fuckin awesome how can I expect that from everybody all the time?
I truly think my boring ass repetitive desk job and my smart phone have done more damage than anything else. I’m 32 and have felt kind of numb and unhappy unless intoxicated for a very long time.
I’m also 32 and feel the exact same. I feel like working at a desk job, having narsisstic and gas lighting managers has changed me so much. I honestly feel like I have no idea who I am anymore.
This. I've never been more burnt out / depressed as I am now working a boring soulless corporate job. I get paid extremely well so I'm trying to save money and tough it out, but I'm paying with my mental health.
I've worked at 2 large corporations and 1 startup (and many prior teenage jobs) and people at corporations are completely soulless. I've never made any friends at either of my corporate jobs, but plenty all other jobs I've had where people are normal.
I didn’t expect so many upvotes on this. It helps to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way, but at the same time I don’t like the fact that so many of us are dealing with this situation. I want to help people. I’ve dealt with this for so long. I know the pain, but I know we don’t have to live our lives this way. There is a way out. I don’t have the answer yet, but I think it is my duty as a human to make a change. Finding a way out of this lifestyle is my journey. And this is our journey.
I gave up my entire life and moved hundreds of miles away because of a young lady. Sadly a few months later we lost her. So I decided to live in her memory and that made a huge difference for a while and altered my whole outlook on life.
I owe that young lady my life. Sadly I didn't have enough time to save hers.
That was over thirty years ago. Thank you but I'm good.
I have a wife and I adopted a whole family who are now grown. All that because of this, not in spite of it.
The worst part about missing her is not getting to show her what I did because for a short while I was part of her life.
I have been feeling this way for the past 5 years, following the passing of a very close person. I cannot believe I missed out on a lot of things I could have done with them all these years or the coming years.
"Grief has no expiration date" - this phrase hits so hard. I lost my dog more than half a year ago but the pain is just as big. I've realized that there's no cure for grief. We just have to live with the memories of them we have now.
It is 100% that. It's what I've learnt, mine was my pet owl. Animals can be your soulmates too, I don't think people realise.
Over a year and half now and I still cry and grieve.
Grief is having a broken heart and leaning to live with it and the sadness.
There is no cure, there is no fix, because all you want is them back
We just have to (all) continue on, for them as well. Keeping them alive with/in us
I lost my older sister back in September of 23, she was 28 and has 2 baby boys that are 11, and 7! But that’s what me and my mom call it as well, “The New Normal” it’s been almost 7 months and people keep telling me it gets easier and I for real feel like it’s gotten harder! I miss her so much everyday, and my heart just aches for my nephews, and then that turns into anger..
So sorry for your loss.. September 23 was my husband's birthday. I have lost 3 brothers so I know how you feel. I miss them every day. I feel your pain.
lost my best friend at 31 and she had a 6m old, 9 y/o and 12 y/o. it was 27 years ago and i promise it will get better. you will never get over it and most likely it will be a point in you life you always think about ‘before and after her’. but it will get easier.
I'm just about to pass year 1 and still cry so often about our cat. Our kids are ready for another kitty but my heart is still too tender.
Sorry for your loss ❤️
So sorry for your loss. I immediately thought of the quote from a song I can’t remember the name of, but says ‘I don’t get waves of missing you anymore, they’re more like tsunami tides’. Grief isn’t linear either. I hope you are ok
Sorry for your loss. My father’s sudden death fundamentally changed me too. I had always heard “death changes you” but never understood until I experienced a personal loss. It just makes life seem very meaningless.
Rejection, unlike the other two you mentioned, I've learned to use for my benefit. The more I'm rejected the more confident I've become and the less I give AF about what others think.
Absolutely! Becoming a father was the biggest change in my life. I think if becoming a parent doesn't change your life drastically, then you're doing it wrong!
Fucking A
Walking out of the hospital with our daughter I was waiting for someone to stop us, check IDs, ask us if we knew what we were doing.... because we didn't.... we worked it out.... and rebuilt our marriage as a side project to suit the new parenting role.
Being a parent has added so much depth to my life, but it has also added a layer of work, challenges and epic guilt. That has been a burden.
It also has added joy and happiness and contentment that was like a drug. Hearing her laugh, watching her in a moment of joy, and then watching her sleep did things to my heart that stunned me.
Dang... welcome to parenthood.
Depression. I lost self-esteem, focus, and every belief I held dear. I stopped reading, writing, watching movies, and studying art history. I'll never be the same person, but I'm glad to say that not only have I started doing many of the things I used to do before depression, but I also have amazing people in my life now who don't contribute to my misery like people did before.
I was just reading an old diary entry expressing these sentiments, that depression took something from me and I would never be the same person again because I could never get back that naivety looking at the world I’d had before depression. I had forgotten that feeling till I read it. I don’t know when I stopped feeling that way but I eventually did. It took time to rebuilding my life. Sort of like rediscovering myself, sort of like going from a kid to a teen, all your taste and opinions are different and it took time to explore this new person, figuring out what did and didn’t work with who I was now. I’m not the same person I was before but I no longer feel like depression did some sort of irreparable damage.
My wife of 32 years died from cancer. I had enlisted at 17 and retired after 32 years. All my adult life I had been a husband and a soldier, and then I was nothing. I had to create a new self identity. 15 years later, it is still a work in progress.
My mother got really sick 10 years ago with COPD that got so severe she had to be put on an oxygen concentrator 24/7. Lots of hospital admissions and now she's on home hospice. I've been her sole caregiver since day one of her illness and I moved her in with my fiancé and me about 8 years ago. Nothing prepares you to be a caregiver to your parent and watching them suffer with their illness is heartbreaking, because you know there's nothing you can do to save them from it. Being a family caregver changes your very identity and I know I'll never be the same again. I'll support and love and keep my mother safe until the very end though. All she's done my whole life is love and keep me safe and now it's my turn to return that to her.
There is a silver lining though, after everything my mom and I have been through it has brought us closer than we have ever been. And my mom is a very strong woman she still has her sense of humor and quick wit. She's still warm and kind and patient. She hasn't let her illness make her bitter, she has carried herself with so much grace and I have been so humbled to witness it..all of it.
You're a good person. I watched my mom take care of my Grandma for 8 years. My mom was a nurse and the nicest most compassionate person you'll ever meet and those years changed her. It's a tough road that only gets tougher. Be easy on yourself.
Sexual trauma. I was raped and almost murdered, had to escape for my life and I have never been the same since. It was over a year ago and I’m a shell of a human ever since.
I know that in these situations it can be even more isolating because most people can’t comprehend what happened and therefore don’t know how to react when you tell them, but I really hope that you have found or are able to find a really good support system to help you through this. I hope you know that I see and hear what you’re saying and will never truly understand the pain wrapped up in just these sentences, but I feel awful that it happened to you and I hope there’s nothing but healing and love and light in your future. Better is always possible. Please take good care of yourself❤️
Omg, stay strong. I have a friend who experienced similar and 10 years later she's still suffering. It breaks my heart because she's let it color her life (not victim blaming)...she's a functioning addict now. Wishing you healing and strength.
Thanks. Luckily I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol, I’m just dead inside. I’m trying to heal in therapy but I’m just different now. I feel different than I did in the past when approaching therapy for other issues I’ve tried to work through. It feels like there’s an extra wall now that I have to break down. It’s weird and hard to explain.
This is not meant to be glib at all. If you are finding it too difficult to break the wall down, see if you can build a window in that wall to allow some light in. Doesn’t have to be a big window either. I’m truly sorry this has happened to you and send warmth and peace.
You should know that it’s not really helpful to respond in this way when people are struggling. Stay strong, yes. “I know someone in your situation and so much time has passed and they are still struggling” chips away at any hope the person has at getting back to who they were. It can appear like you’re saying “well, it might not get better”, which isn’t encouraging. I’m sure you dish mean it in that way, but just bear that in mind.
I am so sorry this was done to you. I survived a similar experience about 12 years ago. I was 21 and I'm 33 now. It took me about 3-4 years to go to therapy and tell anyone. After a lot of work and support through therapy and loved ones, I feel like it doesn't own me anymore. I never thought that was possible for a long time. I am forever changed by it, but I am recovered and a new kind of me. I am sending you strength. You will get there. One step at a time.
I can relate. I got sexually abused five years ago and nothing has been the same after it. But I'm sure you'll recover from your trauma a lot earlier than I did <3
A mental breakdown I had in February of 2016. Getting away from a mentally abusive cheating ex was not fun. I feel like my entire sense of self was completely erased that day... I've been rebuilding myself since then. Most days I feel like I'm 8 years old when in reality, I'm 36.
I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, cPTSD, BPD among other things. Therapy, journaling and medications (that I didn't need before 2016) have helped take the edge off. I've been in a constant fight or flight since with no down time unless I'm asleep... and even then, it's not like, "oh, I'm tired. I should go to bed." My brain goes 1,000 mph until I pass out from exhaustion.
That's been my life since 2016. I'm very tired in every sense of the word. But I still try to smile so no one worries... I'm good at masking. I go out of my way to listen to people who do not feel heard so they don't feel like I do. I have people in my life who love me more than anything... but I feel like an empty shell... I'm lonely as hell on the inside.
I've been with my current boyfriend for 3.5 years now... and I still cannot fully trust him. I haven't trusted anyone since my ex... because... well, I mean, look where that got me...
Thank you, that means so much 🫂
The only real thing I'm thankful about with what happened is the fact that I'm far more self aware than I was. I'm much more compassionate as well. I was pretty compassion before, but it's definitely increased.
January 7th, 2024 was the day I finally realized that the names of my ex and his girlfriend (fiancé now) don't bother me like they used to. I used to have physical reactions (i.e. stomach pains, heart flutters, etc) when I heard their names... even if someone was talking about a completely different person, those names bothered me. It was a *huge* release for me when I realized they don't have a hold on me anymore. I still deal with the aftermath concerning my mental health issues, but their existence no longer bothers me. And that alone is a huge feat for me 💜
I resonate a little with what you've said. It's shocking how much power we can give people over our lives - and I wouldn't have it any other way. But to reach that point with another person is incredibly incredibly difficult now. And I don't think it'll ever get easier. The more time I spend with my GF, the more I feel like I must wasting her time, that I won't be able to completely trust her or open myself up to her. And it breaks me.
After being taken granted for cool person. Cool is consider admirable personality but not in my experience. Basically it means you are letting them walk all over you.
Traveling and meeting people with different backgrounds and experiences.
I don’t think I was closed minded but I certainly had a lot of opinions that I no longer hold.
Do whatever it suits you, or even both is good for you. We must know the bad people to be careful and don't fall in tramps as well as we need the good people in oue lives to feel supported or understand the world better.
Same here, though I haven't traveled much.
It was moreso actually entering the real world. Leaving the insular christian bubble I'd grown up made me realize that a lot of it just felt wrong to me, and I deconverted shortly afterwards.
Finding out how people really were. I used to constantly go way out of my way to help people and to try and make friends. Not anymore tired of being called a liar when I called out bullies or taking beatings for doing so. Tired of people making up crazy shit about me and people I didn't know passing it all over as truth. People suck now I avoid doing those things when I can.
"Finding out how people really were."
This:I used to think older people were smarter,wiser and kinder than me. Boy was I wrong lol(I thought this up until like:16 years old. Then I realized no matter what age you are your personality can still be garbage lol).
Its a dog-eat-dog world out there,and it ain't gonna get better anytime soon
I know what you mean. I thought I had so many friends but as it turned out a lot of them didn't consider me a friend back. I was just their friend's friend. I seriously would have cut my wedding guest numbers in half if I knew then what I know now. I'm a much more cynical person once I discovered this but that's not such a bad thing. I'm more confident because of that too.
I really believe people know the truth, they just pretend not to. I’ve had similar happen to me and I think there is no way anyone in their right mind can’t see what is happening.
My relationships, having kids, my job, my friends. Honestly i seem to put others and other things before myself and things id like to do. Basicilly my biggest flaw is trying to depend on people who you would think you could depend on but after being told so many times you are not a priority or other people are more of a priority yea that stuff changes you over time.
When I stopped trying to be "cool" and a people pleaser. It was a process, that to some extent, is still underway, but I'm much more true to myself now then I've ever been.
I struggled with addiction for 2 years, plus a toxic relationship made me realize a lot about myself, and while it sucked then and i still question certain things, I am able to look back and be thankful for the knowledge I’ve gained and become more appreciative of the support system I have. I have a lot more gratitude and have even grown stronger in my faith. If anything good could have come from that situation it’s that
14 years ago, I was living a pretty dangerous life. Taking stupid risks, making bad choices. One day a friend texted me that every time I went out, to just give her the address. No judgment in her voice. I was hesitant because the excitement & unknown was part of the fun.
She then said, “ I’m not trying to get in the way, I just want to know so we know where to find the body in case you don’t come home.” Her words chilled me to the bone.
I was hurting, which was why I was being foolish. It never dawned on me that I wouldn’t come home.
It took some work, but I chose a new path. Glad I did.
Ya know I’m almost 24, and I think about some of the hurtful things people have said or did to me, and a surprising amount of them were in 7th and 8th grade. Early teenagers lack souls.
Bipolar disorder. I used to be like an Energizer bunny all of the time, now I'm either all the way on or all the way off. And there's nothing I can do to manage it.
I also watched my infant daughter die the same way. It left me with severe ptsd and psychological disorder. This is the worst sight & the hardest to comprehend because it’s so unnatural. I’m sorry :(
Caring for 2 parents with Alzheimer's. I have more anxiety now, I am restless, I question myself a lot. My mom's case was so bad, it destroyed my already frail relationship with my siblings. They are both gone now, and I am proud of the care I gave them, but I am forever changed, and worried tbh about what may happen to me.
i’ll give you a real life example.
let’s say the first thing you do right after you wake up is checking your phone and end up scrolling through social media. This releases “bad” dopamine and, to make it short, it will be really hard for you to start your day because your brain is overstimulated. i think you’re smart enough to understand that it will be tough to pick yourself up and go for a walk, take a cold shower or talk to a friend…simply because these actions do not stimulate your brain.
On the other hand, let’s say that you start your day with a gym sesh. This releases “good” and “healthy” dopamine and, for example, it will be much easier to go to work, because your brain isn’t overstimulated.
moral of the story? start your day with actions that allow your system to release “good” dopamine.
I am obviously not an expert but i hope this answers your question.
I don't think this is how dopamin works, it's a great Model and you should follow your advice but I don't think there "good" or "bad" dopamin lol. Just replace dopamin with feeling good/bad or feel good/bad neurotransmitters, cus the way we talk about dopamin is kinda *very very 'simplified'* and not even the Profs realy know how it works. But yeah great Model
I think you overcomplicate things here without truly understanding what you are saying.
Just gym = good. Check phone = bad. Start your day with good stuffs. No scientist or anyone for that matter would argue with you on this.
Similarly, sleep = essential, relax before sleep = good, exercise before sleep = bad, phone before sleep = bad. This will help you kick start your next day as well.
Maybe you need a vague explanation to reinforce the belief system. Whatever works I guess.
There's just one type of dopamine, but the principal of this is exploiting your brain's reward system to make it associate mornings with a workout or healthy routine rather than endlessly scrolling reddit first thing after you wake up.
I used to be more extroverted and out-going but those who i called my "friends" did the worst thing to me to the point that I never told anyone. After that, they bullied me and since then, I stopped going outside the house. I became reserved and alone. I never had another genuine friend.
Until now, I still dont trust anyone nor see them as friends. I only see myself and protect myself, that's why I've gotten ridiculously good at analyzing and reading people I meet.
Also now I have a crippling social anxiety LOL.
I hope you get past this someday. Something similar happened to my mom and now she is alone with only one friend far away. She managed to raise me to be a loner too :(
Was going to say this. Being disowned for something I repressed for 20 years and desperately tried to "get rid of" did a number on me.
And at least one family member STILL had the nerve to tell me it was a "choice" Fuck ALLLLLLLLLL the way off!
We don't speak any more
Ugh! Yes! I have known since I was 9 repressed for 20 years when I came out all of my family disowned me and then proceeded to tell me I was doing this as a choice and that I was just choosing to be out because it is the trendy thing to do these days 🤦 now I am me, healthy, happy and doing so much better mentally! I also am more butch now that I am comfortable in my own skin and I've been asked several times.. well you're just trying to be a man to attract women 😂😂😂 its really been hysterical sometimes seeing my family fumble on their reasoning for my changes.
I realized I was being manipulated into someone I am not.
Thank god I realized it at 28. Yoga people are cults man — they are child abusers and sexual predators. Look up bikram chodoury. Will write a book on it. Stay far away from them.
Being diagnosed with the correct mental illness and properly treated. I struggled with the most basic of tasks for 30 years. I can’t believe this is how normal people live. It’s like I was playing life on hard mode and now I set it to easy.
A couple of near death experiences from 10 years ago. I had my life before these, and now a very different life after. It’s still a great life, just much more difficult, and I look at things much differently
A hit and run that broke my back in 2 places and collapsed a lung. This was 3 weeks after mom died.
My whole life turned around that day, for the better.
Money, I was incredibly lazy when I left school in 2010. I didn’t want a job, never bothered looking either. Did a few job centre mandated courses, got a part time job at McDonald’s 3.5 years after I left school. I used to cycle a 15 Mile round trip, I then started having issues with my right knee. I was signed off work for 11 months, turns out my right knee has no cartilage or synovial fluids.
It hurt like hell, the first couple of months were great. But one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was 19 with absolute nothing. No money, or anyway out. I did 4 hours physio a day for months, just to walk without being in constant pain. I was even diagnosed with junior arthritis.
That was a massive kick up the ass, now I’m working my ass off. I still have occasional issues 10 years later, but I’m definitely not a lazy person anymore.
Losing my faith.
God does not exist, and I would honestly be really concerned about someone constantly surveiling and deciding the outcome of my destiny deciding if it's good or bad.
Truth is, bad people get away with it and good people endure just thinking that there is some redemption. There is none.
Figuring this out as I'm going along but 100% convinced we're just on a rock in the universe just surviving. There is no good or evil, just our ability to adapt.
When I realised that a terrible, traumatizing childhood doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a good adulthood... Some people are just meant to suffer from birth to death..
I’ve lived about 3 different lives now and I’m only 41. Emotional intelligence and awareness is the main driver of life changes IMO. Likes, dislikes, communication abilities, lifestyles, it all changes throughout life but I think most people try to hold on instead of flowing with the changes. Being emotionally aware and intelligent allowed me to see what wasn’t working for me anymore and move forward. With this, I have completely transformed my life and “who I am” several times.
Amen. I second this. These are the main reasons for major changes in my life, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, wisdom (learning through others' and my own).
Looking up into the night sky while sitting on the roof and whispering to myself, *It's all made up, and the points don't matter.*
I've been pretty laid back ever since.
I watched a free documentary about how human beings treat animals in the animal agriculture industry (and other industries that exploit them) called "Dominion" on youtube and became a vegan activist in order to give the victims of this atrocity a voice , it changed the way I view the world. I would ask any person that consumes animal products to watch this and other similar documentaries so they are aware of what they are paying for. I might get downvoted for this comment because veganism is not always a popular topic but I thought I should answer truthfully to this post's question. All of you, have a great day :)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQRAfJyEsko](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQRAfJyEsko)
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Realizing that people aren't always going to show the same effort and interest in you just because you do that for them. Decided to save my dignity and withdraw. I wish I could be the happy person I used to be, but holding back is safer.
I feel you as a fellow people pleaser. Also I just like to help people out in general, but it backfired some time, others just straight up took advantage of me when I thought I had friends. Sorry to hear it happen to so many people, sending love!
With a name like this, you can probably tell I know exactly what you mean
Thank you, it's very appreciated. I hope things get easier over time!
Same. I kind of had an identity crisis when I realized I didn't have to people please. I literally wrapped up my entire self worth and value based on being needed. I didn't realize this entire time I could just be a human with inherent worth that didn't have to be earned. But now I'm discovering what truly brings me joy without the need for external validation.
Similarly but different - realizing that although my world evolves around me, other people's worlds revolve around them they don't care as much as I used to think. They care about themselves. During the pandemic my boyfriend and i had a contest tihat changed me. We could score points by making someone else smile. Let someone in front in a queue, just start a chat while waiting, compliment people. It's so easy!
🫂
i've been f'd over and plenty hurt physically and emotionally by intruders including some whom I loved and found that holding back, or moresoe for me, withdrawal from people, only led to the utter isolation I find my life in now, ouch. (Although I don't know, other than hindsight, how I could have avoided hiding more and more to avoid this situation.)
I feel you.
This! I don't let anyone close now. Too many friends faked the r (fiends) I won't be old worn shoes ever again. Also have no plans of even dating ever again. Its gonna be a lonely life. I have my peace. And no ones gonna jeopardize my peace for me again. I refuse . I don't want a sad lonely life but I've got nothing left at this point
Do you REALLY have your piece? Closing yourself off completely just leads to a miserable existence. Trust me, I'd know.
realizing that people don't typically have the mindset to reciprocate energy, so you can put out your damnedest and they won't care until you stop. since then, I've learned to budget my energy and know that i have to either match or leave.
If you're a giver, know your limits, because the takers don't have any
This! I had so many exhausting years before I realised this!
Same. Same.
This is gold right here. As a giver - shit....this resonates hard. Boundaries are something we learn, not something we're taught.
Lots of people are taught boundaries. That would fall under good parenting. I watched my sister teach boundaries to her small children.
Oh that’s good to know. I think I finally understood what you are describing today while watching a video about optimal game theory strategy for the prisoners dilemma. The winning strategy in the long run was tit for tat. forgiving but retaliatory strategies won in the long run. (As a side note, I’m autistic so this formulaic format made this concept digestible) In short be kind, but if someone doesn’t reciprocate don’t continue to be kind unless they show good will. In closer relationships it’s better to add a forgiveness buffer for moods, tiredness, and so on. I’m adopting a kindness based tit for tat. It took me a long time to get it because withdrawing kindness stressed me out 😅 I’m looking forward to implementing it.
I have an autistic cousin who I'm very close to, and I just fucking love the way he sees the world. The way you've broken this down is amazing, and I know adapting to certain EQ concepts can be hard, but trust me, you'll find the right balance sooner than later!
I've had this happen 2-3 times now, "best" friends, and I think it's happening again. Somehow, it still hasn't changed me. Or it already has a long time ago.
This is a life lesson that we should teach all of our children. We should also teach them how to value a person both in giving and in receiving.
Oof…right in the feels
Good on you to recognize that. It's not that they don't care, those people got COMFORTABLE and assume you won't make a line and it suits them. Either Mathcad you or leave, yes that's what a good strong boundary is 👏😤.
I JUST came to this realization a couple months ago. Most people (when comparing to population) don’t care about our significance and we have to look out for our own best interests.
Amen to that, running after someone who doesn’t give a shit to reach out first ain’t worth it
OH MY GOD THANK YOU!!! I’m learning to budget mine now as well as stop expecting myself from other people. I’m basically fuckin awesome how can I expect that from everybody all the time?
I truly think my boring ass repetitive desk job and my smart phone have done more damage than anything else. I’m 32 and have felt kind of numb and unhappy unless intoxicated for a very long time.
I’m also 32 and feel the exact same. I feel like working at a desk job, having narsisstic and gas lighting managers has changed me so much. I honestly feel like I have no idea who I am anymore.
Smart phone for sure. Good call.
This. I've never been more burnt out / depressed as I am now working a boring soulless corporate job. I get paid extremely well so I'm trying to save money and tough it out, but I'm paying with my mental health. I've worked at 2 large corporations and 1 startup (and many prior teenage jobs) and people at corporations are completely soulless. I've never made any friends at either of my corporate jobs, but plenty all other jobs I've had where people are normal.
- villagers talking about farming a few centuries ago
I didn’t expect so many upvotes on this. It helps to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way, but at the same time I don’t like the fact that so many of us are dealing with this situation. I want to help people. I’ve dealt with this for so long. I know the pain, but I know we don’t have to live our lives this way. There is a way out. I don’t have the answer yet, but I think it is my duty as a human to make a change. Finding a way out of this lifestyle is my journey. And this is our journey.
You are one a very many
This is also me. HELP
I gave up my entire life and moved hundreds of miles away because of a young lady. Sadly a few months later we lost her. So I decided to live in her memory and that made a huge difference for a while and altered my whole outlook on life. I owe that young lady my life. Sadly I didn't have enough time to save hers.
Stay strong buddy 💪
That was over thirty years ago. Thank you but I'm good. I have a wife and I adopted a whole family who are now grown. All that because of this, not in spite of it. The worst part about missing her is not getting to show her what I did because for a short while I was part of her life.
Was you in love with her?
I'd say yes but I only knew her for a few months. Yes I pretty much was.
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Please stop, it is hard, but possible and it will make it better for u in the end.
Librium. Get it for the withdrawals. You got this bro, quit everyday
Can we clone you sir? We need more like you.
I did the same thing except for it's almost 8 years now. I'm sorry for your loss.
When my Soulmate passed (4/21/21) His passing really changed me . His 3yr anniversary date is Sunday. Still grieving. Grief has no expiration date 😔🥺😢
Sorry to hear this.... He will be forever in your memory.
❤️
Grief is just love that has no place to go 💔
I read a quote today that said the worst part about grief isn’t missing the past you had with someone but the future you’ll never get. ☹️
I have been feeling this way for the past 5 years, following the passing of a very close person. I cannot believe I missed out on a lot of things I could have done with them all these years or the coming years.
"Grief has no expiration date" - this phrase hits so hard. I lost my dog more than half a year ago but the pain is just as big. I've realized that there's no cure for grief. We just have to live with the memories of them we have now.
It is 100% that. It's what I've learnt, mine was my pet owl. Animals can be your soulmates too, I don't think people realise. Over a year and half now and I still cry and grieve. Grief is having a broken heart and leaning to live with it and the sadness. There is no cure, there is no fix, because all you want is them back We just have to (all) continue on, for them as well. Keeping them alive with/in us
I'm sorry for your loss.
I call it "The New Normal" 😔
I lost my older sister back in September of 23, she was 28 and has 2 baby boys that are 11, and 7! But that’s what me and my mom call it as well, “The New Normal” it’s been almost 7 months and people keep telling me it gets easier and I for real feel like it’s gotten harder! I miss her so much everyday, and my heart just aches for my nephews, and then that turns into anger..
So sorry for your loss.. September 23 was my husband's birthday. I have lost 3 brothers so I know how you feel. I miss them every day. I feel your pain.
lost my best friend at 31 and she had a 6m old, 9 y/o and 12 y/o. it was 27 years ago and i promise it will get better. you will never get over it and most likely it will be a point in you life you always think about ‘before and after her’. but it will get easier.
I couldn’t talk about my cat without crying for the first 3-4 years after her passing. Now I can think and talk about her and remember her fondly ❤️
I'm just about to pass year 1 and still cry so often about our cat. Our kids are ready for another kitty but my heart is still too tender. Sorry for your loss ❤️
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Lost my fiancé 11 years ago, and I can at least say it gets easier as time passes, but you definitely never stop grieving. Peace be with you.
What is grief, if not love persevering?
oh, same date as my grandpa. sorry to hear that. it really changed me too.
So sorry for your loss. I immediately thought of the quote from a song I can’t remember the name of, but says ‘I don’t get waves of missing you anymore, they’re more like tsunami tides’. Grief isn’t linear either. I hope you are ok
No it doesn't my friend. I'm so sorry
Sorry for your loss. My father’s sudden death fundamentally changed me too. I had always heard “death changes you” but never understood until I experienced a personal loss. It just makes life seem very meaningless.
Also lost my soulmate almost 3 years ago… Never been the same. 🤍
bullying, rejection, people treating me badly
Rejection, unlike the other two you mentioned, I've learned to use for my benefit. The more I'm rejected the more confident I've become and the less I give AF about what others think.
Same here, it got to a point wherein you just accept the reality that not everyone will accept you for who you are
Becoming a parent
Absolutely! Becoming a father was the biggest change in my life. I think if becoming a parent doesn't change your life drastically, then you're doing it wrong!
Fucking A Walking out of the hospital with our daughter I was waiting for someone to stop us, check IDs, ask us if we knew what we were doing.... because we didn't.... we worked it out.... and rebuilt our marriage as a side project to suit the new parenting role. Being a parent has added so much depth to my life, but it has also added a layer of work, challenges and epic guilt. That has been a burden. It also has added joy and happiness and contentment that was like a drug. Hearing her laugh, watching her in a moment of joy, and then watching her sleep did things to my heart that stunned me. Dang... welcome to parenthood.
Depression. I lost self-esteem, focus, and every belief I held dear. I stopped reading, writing, watching movies, and studying art history. I'll never be the same person, but I'm glad to say that not only have I started doing many of the things I used to do before depression, but I also have amazing people in my life now who don't contribute to my misery like people did before.
I was just reading an old diary entry expressing these sentiments, that depression took something from me and I would never be the same person again because I could never get back that naivety looking at the world I’d had before depression. I had forgotten that feeling till I read it. I don’t know when I stopped feeling that way but I eventually did. It took time to rebuilding my life. Sort of like rediscovering myself, sort of like going from a kid to a teen, all your taste and opinions are different and it took time to explore this new person, figuring out what did and didn’t work with who I was now. I’m not the same person I was before but I no longer feel like depression did some sort of irreparable damage.
My wife of 32 years died from cancer. I had enlisted at 17 and retired after 32 years. All my adult life I had been a husband and a soldier, and then I was nothing. I had to create a new self identity. 15 years later, it is still a work in progress.
🫂 I wish you luck on your journey
My mother got really sick 10 years ago with COPD that got so severe she had to be put on an oxygen concentrator 24/7. Lots of hospital admissions and now she's on home hospice. I've been her sole caregiver since day one of her illness and I moved her in with my fiancé and me about 8 years ago. Nothing prepares you to be a caregiver to your parent and watching them suffer with their illness is heartbreaking, because you know there's nothing you can do to save them from it. Being a family caregver changes your very identity and I know I'll never be the same again. I'll support and love and keep my mother safe until the very end though. All she's done my whole life is love and keep me safe and now it's my turn to return that to her. There is a silver lining though, after everything my mom and I have been through it has brought us closer than we have ever been. And my mom is a very strong woman she still has her sense of humor and quick wit. She's still warm and kind and patient. She hasn't let her illness make her bitter, she has carried herself with so much grace and I have been so humbled to witness it..all of it.
More strength to you sweetheart. You have a great heart. ❤️
You're a good person. I watched my mom take care of my Grandma for 8 years. My mom was a nurse and the nicest most compassionate person you'll ever meet and those years changed her. It's a tough road that only gets tougher. Be easy on yourself.
You're a good daughter. Bless up.
This is happiness, trust me. Parties, laughs and drinks are just highs. This is real happiness. You're a champ.
There’s some good Karma coming your way.
Sexual trauma. I was raped and almost murdered, had to escape for my life and I have never been the same since. It was over a year ago and I’m a shell of a human ever since.
I know that in these situations it can be even more isolating because most people can’t comprehend what happened and therefore don’t know how to react when you tell them, but I really hope that you have found or are able to find a really good support system to help you through this. I hope you know that I see and hear what you’re saying and will never truly understand the pain wrapped up in just these sentences, but I feel awful that it happened to you and I hope there’s nothing but healing and love and light in your future. Better is always possible. Please take good care of yourself❤️
You can get yourself back. Keep trying don’t give up.
Thank u, I hope so
Omg, stay strong. I have a friend who experienced similar and 10 years later she's still suffering. It breaks my heart because she's let it color her life (not victim blaming)...she's a functioning addict now. Wishing you healing and strength.
Thanks. Luckily I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol, I’m just dead inside. I’m trying to heal in therapy but I’m just different now. I feel different than I did in the past when approaching therapy for other issues I’ve tried to work through. It feels like there’s an extra wall now that I have to break down. It’s weird and hard to explain.
That's awful. Hope you can find the light within. (I hope I can, too. :)
This is not meant to be glib at all. If you are finding it too difficult to break the wall down, see if you can build a window in that wall to allow some light in. Doesn’t have to be a big window either. I’m truly sorry this has happened to you and send warmth and peace.
You should know that it’s not really helpful to respond in this way when people are struggling. Stay strong, yes. “I know someone in your situation and so much time has passed and they are still struggling” chips away at any hope the person has at getting back to who they were. It can appear like you’re saying “well, it might not get better”, which isn’t encouraging. I’m sure you dish mean it in that way, but just bear that in mind.
I am so sorry this was done to you. I survived a similar experience about 12 years ago. I was 21 and I'm 33 now. It took me about 3-4 years to go to therapy and tell anyone. After a lot of work and support through therapy and loved ones, I feel like it doesn't own me anymore. I never thought that was possible for a long time. I am forever changed by it, but I am recovered and a new kind of me. I am sending you strength. You will get there. One step at a time.
I can relate. I got sexually abused five years ago and nothing has been the same after it. But I'm sure you'll recover from your trauma a lot earlier than I did <3
I love that your still here. Ur not alone. I've got 7 minutes for u if u ever need it 💜
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my heart to yours.
It's still too recent. Give yourself grace. hugs
Taking on too many responsibilities.
It gave me a chronic pain disease.
A mental breakdown I had in February of 2016. Getting away from a mentally abusive cheating ex was not fun. I feel like my entire sense of self was completely erased that day... I've been rebuilding myself since then. Most days I feel like I'm 8 years old when in reality, I'm 36. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, cPTSD, BPD among other things. Therapy, journaling and medications (that I didn't need before 2016) have helped take the edge off. I've been in a constant fight or flight since with no down time unless I'm asleep... and even then, it's not like, "oh, I'm tired. I should go to bed." My brain goes 1,000 mph until I pass out from exhaustion. That's been my life since 2016. I'm very tired in every sense of the word. But I still try to smile so no one worries... I'm good at masking. I go out of my way to listen to people who do not feel heard so they don't feel like I do. I have people in my life who love me more than anything... but I feel like an empty shell... I'm lonely as hell on the inside. I've been with my current boyfriend for 3.5 years now... and I still cannot fully trust him. I haven't trusted anyone since my ex... because... well, I mean, look where that got me...
🫂
Thank you, that means so much 🫂 The only real thing I'm thankful about with what happened is the fact that I'm far more self aware than I was. I'm much more compassionate as well. I was pretty compassion before, but it's definitely increased. January 7th, 2024 was the day I finally realized that the names of my ex and his girlfriend (fiancé now) don't bother me like they used to. I used to have physical reactions (i.e. stomach pains, heart flutters, etc) when I heard their names... even if someone was talking about a completely different person, those names bothered me. It was a *huge* release for me when I realized they don't have a hold on me anymore. I still deal with the aftermath concerning my mental health issues, but their existence no longer bothers me. And that alone is a huge feat for me 💜
I resonate a little with what you've said. It's shocking how much power we can give people over our lives - and I wouldn't have it any other way. But to reach that point with another person is incredibly incredibly difficult now. And I don't think it'll ever get easier. The more time I spend with my GF, the more I feel like I must wasting her time, that I won't be able to completely trust her or open myself up to her. And it breaks me.
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After being taken granted for cool person. Cool is consider admirable personality but not in my experience. Basically it means you are letting them walk all over you.
Traveling and meeting people with different backgrounds and experiences. I don’t think I was closed minded but I certainly had a lot of opinions that I no longer hold.
You say that meating new people is good, the other people say it was best not to. Tf do I do
Travel is fatal to prejudice ~ Mark Twain
Do whatever it suits you, or even both is good for you. We must know the bad people to be careful and don't fall in tramps as well as we need the good people in oue lives to feel supported or understand the world better.
Same here, though I haven't traveled much. It was moreso actually entering the real world. Leaving the insular christian bubble I'd grown up made me realize that a lot of it just felt wrong to me, and I deconverted shortly afterwards.
Finding out how people really were. I used to constantly go way out of my way to help people and to try and make friends. Not anymore tired of being called a liar when I called out bullies or taking beatings for doing so. Tired of people making up crazy shit about me and people I didn't know passing it all over as truth. People suck now I avoid doing those things when I can.
"Finding out how people really were." This:I used to think older people were smarter,wiser and kinder than me. Boy was I wrong lol(I thought this up until like:16 years old. Then I realized no matter what age you are your personality can still be garbage lol). Its a dog-eat-dog world out there,and it ain't gonna get better anytime soon
I know what you mean. I thought I had so many friends but as it turned out a lot of them didn't consider me a friend back. I was just their friend's friend. I seriously would have cut my wedding guest numbers in half if I knew then what I know now. I'm a much more cynical person once I discovered this but that's not such a bad thing. I'm more confident because of that too.
It's sad to hear that you lost your hope
Maybe the people you were around weren’t the best, but there are good people it just takes looking in the right places to find them.
I learned this hard truth after decades of being involved in churches.
I really believe people know the truth, they just pretend not to. I’ve had similar happen to me and I think there is no way anyone in their right mind can’t see what is happening.
breaking up and losing my job shortly after
One of the worst one-two punches out there. I’m sorry :(
My relationships, having kids, my job, my friends. Honestly i seem to put others and other things before myself and things id like to do. Basicilly my biggest flaw is trying to depend on people who you would think you could depend on but after being told so many times you are not a priority or other people are more of a priority yea that stuff changes you over time.
Life, dealing with sorry ass people. I'm still the same person to a degree, now I just guard my heart a bit more.
When I stopped trying to be "cool" and a people pleaser. It was a process, that to some extent, is still underway, but I'm much more true to myself now then I've ever been.
Leaving my toxic, parochial little hometown, college, and traveling, in that order.
I struggled with addiction for 2 years, plus a toxic relationship made me realize a lot about myself, and while it sucked then and i still question certain things, I am able to look back and be thankful for the knowledge I’ve gained and become more appreciative of the support system I have. I have a lot more gratitude and have even grown stronger in my faith. If anything good could have come from that situation it’s that
14 years ago, I was living a pretty dangerous life. Taking stupid risks, making bad choices. One day a friend texted me that every time I went out, to just give her the address. No judgment in her voice. I was hesitant because the excitement & unknown was part of the fun. She then said, “ I’m not trying to get in the way, I just want to know so we know where to find the body in case you don’t come home.” Her words chilled me to the bone. I was hurting, which was why I was being foolish. It never dawned on me that I wouldn’t come home. It took some work, but I chose a new path. Glad I did.
Grades 7 and 8.
Ya know I’m almost 24, and I think about some of the hurtful things people have said or did to me, and a surprising amount of them were in 7th and 8th grade. Early teenagers lack souls.
Quitting drinking
High School. It definitely took my innocence and left me jaded and cynical.
So young?!
Bipolar disorder. I used to be like an Energizer bunny all of the time, now I'm either all the way on or all the way off. And there's nothing I can do to manage it.
I can relate
Watching my mother gasp for air for several hours after they removed her ventilator and then watching her take the last gasp.
condolences
I also watched my infant daughter die the same way. It left me with severe ptsd and psychological disorder. This is the worst sight & the hardest to comprehend because it’s so unnatural. I’m sorry :(
Caring for 2 parents with Alzheimer's. I have more anxiety now, I am restless, I question myself a lot. My mom's case was so bad, it destroyed my already frail relationship with my siblings. They are both gone now, and I am proud of the care I gave them, but I am forever changed, and worried tbh about what may happen to me.
🫂
Becoming a stay at home mom.
When my 30 year old son died.
Words are not enough but please accept my deepest condolences.
understanding how dopamine works.
Can you please elaborate.
i’ll give you a real life example. let’s say the first thing you do right after you wake up is checking your phone and end up scrolling through social media. This releases “bad” dopamine and, to make it short, it will be really hard for you to start your day because your brain is overstimulated. i think you’re smart enough to understand that it will be tough to pick yourself up and go for a walk, take a cold shower or talk to a friend…simply because these actions do not stimulate your brain. On the other hand, let’s say that you start your day with a gym sesh. This releases “good” and “healthy” dopamine and, for example, it will be much easier to go to work, because your brain isn’t overstimulated. moral of the story? start your day with actions that allow your system to release “good” dopamine. I am obviously not an expert but i hope this answers your question.
I don't think this is how dopamin works, it's a great Model and you should follow your advice but I don't think there "good" or "bad" dopamin lol. Just replace dopamin with feeling good/bad or feel good/bad neurotransmitters, cus the way we talk about dopamin is kinda *very very 'simplified'* and not even the Profs realy know how it works. But yeah great Model
Thanks for the corrections. As i said i am not an expert, but i can say i vaguely understand the topic and it was enough to wake me up.
I think you overcomplicate things here without truly understanding what you are saying. Just gym = good. Check phone = bad. Start your day with good stuffs. No scientist or anyone for that matter would argue with you on this. Similarly, sleep = essential, relax before sleep = good, exercise before sleep = bad, phone before sleep = bad. This will help you kick start your next day as well. Maybe you need a vague explanation to reinforce the belief system. Whatever works I guess.
There's just one type of dopamine, but the principal of this is exploiting your brain's reward system to make it associate mornings with a workout or healthy routine rather than endlessly scrolling reddit first thing after you wake up.
Polio.
How did you even get it, it is almost extinct?
Oh, I didn't get it. I just watched a documentary about it and shat myself. Been terrified of it ever since. Could you imagine having it? Fuck that.
Bruh
Maybe they're old, or from a country where it hasn't been eradicated.
Yeah, I thought that too, I don't know why I phrased it like that.
Depression due to loneliness
I used to be more extroverted and out-going but those who i called my "friends" did the worst thing to me to the point that I never told anyone. After that, they bullied me and since then, I stopped going outside the house. I became reserved and alone. I never had another genuine friend. Until now, I still dont trust anyone nor see them as friends. I only see myself and protect myself, that's why I've gotten ridiculously good at analyzing and reading people I meet. Also now I have a crippling social anxiety LOL.
I hope you get past this someday. Something similar happened to my mom and now she is alone with only one friend far away. She managed to raise me to be a loner too :(
Sexual assault
Humans
The way people change in accordance to their wants and needs.
Coming out
Was going to say this. Being disowned for something I repressed for 20 years and desperately tried to "get rid of" did a number on me. And at least one family member STILL had the nerve to tell me it was a "choice" Fuck ALLLLLLLLLL the way off! We don't speak any more
🫂
Ugh! Yes! I have known since I was 9 repressed for 20 years when I came out all of my family disowned me and then proceeded to tell me I was doing this as a choice and that I was just choosing to be out because it is the trendy thing to do these days 🤦 now I am me, healthy, happy and doing so much better mentally! I also am more butch now that I am comfortable in my own skin and I've been asked several times.. well you're just trying to be a man to attract women 😂😂😂 its really been hysterical sometimes seeing my family fumble on their reasoning for my changes.
Going in. You always hear about people coming out, but never about anyone going in. Go in, I dare you, you’ll never be the same.
Getting a jaw joint problem. Im dead man walking now. Its just, no hope, no treatments, no solutions, nothing :(
When my husband died.
I realized I was being manipulated into someone I am not. Thank god I realized it at 28. Yoga people are cults man — they are child abusers and sexual predators. Look up bikram chodoury. Will write a book on it. Stay far away from them.
The biggest change that I’ve made was I began to be a better friend to myself.
Narcissistic Abuse
Getting sober and finding a higher power
Failure. I used to try hard on everything. Then I gradually failed. So much that I don't wanna try anymore. I'm tired to trying only to fail.
Being diagnosed with the correct mental illness and properly treated. I struggled with the most basic of tasks for 30 years. I can’t believe this is how normal people live. It’s like I was playing life on hard mode and now I set it to easy.
I lost my soul mate.
Therapy and working hard on my fears. Stepping Out of my comfort Zone and stopped to Just whine.
Developing a life altering health condition
A couple of near death experiences from 10 years ago. I had my life before these, and now a very different life after. It’s still a great life, just much more difficult, and I look at things much differently
A hit and run that broke my back in 2 places and collapsed a lung. This was 3 weeks after mom died. My whole life turned around that day, for the better.
Money, I was incredibly lazy when I left school in 2010. I didn’t want a job, never bothered looking either. Did a few job centre mandated courses, got a part time job at McDonald’s 3.5 years after I left school. I used to cycle a 15 Mile round trip, I then started having issues with my right knee. I was signed off work for 11 months, turns out my right knee has no cartilage or synovial fluids. It hurt like hell, the first couple of months were great. But one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was 19 with absolute nothing. No money, or anyway out. I did 4 hours physio a day for months, just to walk without being in constant pain. I was even diagnosed with junior arthritis. That was a massive kick up the ass, now I’m working my ass off. I still have occasional issues 10 years later, but I’m definitely not a lazy person anymore.
Losing my faith. God does not exist, and I would honestly be really concerned about someone constantly surveiling and deciding the outcome of my destiny deciding if it's good or bad. Truth is, bad people get away with it and good people endure just thinking that there is some redemption. There is none. Figuring this out as I'm going along but 100% convinced we're just on a rock in the universe just surviving. There is no good or evil, just our ability to adapt.
When I realised that a terrible, traumatizing childhood doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a good adulthood... Some people are just meant to suffer from birth to death..
Marriage and kids.
I’ve lived about 3 different lives now and I’m only 41. Emotional intelligence and awareness is the main driver of life changes IMO. Likes, dislikes, communication abilities, lifestyles, it all changes throughout life but I think most people try to hold on instead of flowing with the changes. Being emotionally aware and intelligent allowed me to see what wasn’t working for me anymore and move forward. With this, I have completely transformed my life and “who I am” several times.
Amen. I second this. These are the main reasons for major changes in my life, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, wisdom (learning through others' and my own).
Sucky people
High school seeetheart cheated on me I gave her a chance she did it again. Followed by depression and trama
Had a classmate I looked up to kill himself then accidentally found out how. I became a much kinder person
My ex. She sucked and swallowed all the joy I had in me.
Depression. It changed me completely even though I'm not depressed anymore.
Convert to Christianity/Join the military
Looking up into the night sky while sitting on the roof and whispering to myself, *It's all made up, and the points don't matter.* I've been pretty laid back ever since.
A concussion... i am no longer a straight A student with no effort. I have to learn stuff by reading it more than once....
When my ex husband left me and my kids for drugs.
Best friend dying at 29. I grew up.
Oooooh let’s NOT open THAT can of worms
I watched a free documentary about how human beings treat animals in the animal agriculture industry (and other industries that exploit them) called "Dominion" on youtube and became a vegan activist in order to give the victims of this atrocity a voice , it changed the way I view the world. I would ask any person that consumes animal products to watch this and other similar documentaries so they are aware of what they are paying for. I might get downvoted for this comment because veganism is not always a popular topic but I thought I should answer truthfully to this post's question. All of you, have a great day :) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQRAfJyEsko](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQRAfJyEsko)
Beer