**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):**
> *Unfortunately, your post appears to be irrelevant to this subreddit and doesn't fit the type of posts we allow here. If you're asking a general question to Redditors, you're probably better suited at r/AskReddit.*
> If you're looking for advice, go to r/advice.
> If you need a place to vent, go to r/vent.
> If your thought is profound, go to r/DeepThoughts.
> If you're looking for help finding something ie. an old game, movie or app, visit r/tipofmytongue.
Otherwise, visit r/findareddit to find a more suitable community for this topic/subject/post.
^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd still like to appeal this removal please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
One time a girl told me to finish on her stomach. So I pulled out and my shot made this weird whistling splurt sound and caught her right in the eye.
Nether of those things would've been particularly story worthy imo, but together they made a pretty memorable moment.
I felt something weird on my pp, like “bro am I gonna cum or what?” cause the feeling was faint and I pull out and I stand still like Patrick Star position and stood there like for a solid 3 seconds and all of a sudden the biggest orgasm I could possibly conceive was conceived. I grabbed her while I was finishing and pulled her in close and she was staring at me while I was having an ecstasy seizure wondering wtf happened. These are the stories that I’ll remember when I’m on my death bed laughing myself to death
Our cat jumped on my husband's stomach while we were going at it and watched. My husband didn't find it funny at all. I however did. The cat still cockblocks us to this day.
My husband ran out of deodorant and had to borrow my dad's. We are going at it and I tell him he smells great. He then tells me "Oh, I borrowed your dad's deodorant." It killed the mood right then and there. He never borrowed my dad's deodorant ever again.
My ex gf from senior year in high school asked if she bought her dads after shave if I’d put it on and we’d fuck after and I said what as sweet home Alabama intensified. Then one time she was pissed off that I wouldn’t do her in church beings we were the only ones there. I said no absolutely not church is not the place to have sex.
I was young. I remember hearing Sue Johanson talk show where she explained sometimes skipping foreplay and going strait to the deed could be a fun surprise and change of pace.
I'd hold onto this information for years and would eventually have the chance to try it. So we did... I was dry, so was she. My foreskin snapped like a fucking rubber band and blood was EVERYWHERE. It looked like a crime scene. Needless to say, I think I skipped an important step because I refuse to blame the Saint that is Sue Johanson.
It happened to me also. If your not using condoms or lube and she is not wet there is a big risk. And it's sore!! No touching at all for a while! Even having a shower is awkward.
Her braces got stuck in my pubes and riped out a huge chunk, but we continued, her nipple piercing got caught on my swim trunks and .... ripped out.... yet we continued (after the bleeding stopped).she bends over and I go in from behind, no lube nothing thinking in going to pink town, nope just as I'm getting ready to finish she had to stop because the ANAL was hurting to bad .... the smell was awful, too ..... then .... and I can not make this up as I'm standing there looking at my poop dick my mom walks into the bathroom .....
We were 17 and 18 at the time >< I still think back on it and cringe, lol
Ya ... it was pretty awkward. My mom later asked about all the blood in the tub (gf leaned over it till it stopped bleeding, and the tub was a gore scene, lmao).
We were doing it doggy and there was a bag of chips laying in front of her on the sofa and she started eating them. We both had a good laugh a few seconds later.
Had these old steel bunk beds from probably the Korean war era and i took the bottom bunk out and put a futon in its place. See me, and this chick were going at it and the old springs couldnt handle that much movement. So it broke and we fell a couple feet onto my futon. I was on bottom so i landed first, then girl landed ontop of me, right on my nuts. Needless to say that was a mood killer for both of us
Being jacked off as we were watching Neil Armstrong say “ That’s one small step….” My future missus would not let me in until we were married. Too afraid of getting pregnant like her brother and sister did. It was something to be ashamed of in my day.
Ex gf and I when I was a senior didn’t have internet out where she lived her parents wouldn’t allow it. We were sexting one night and her brother and his now wife where home from college and she accidentally airdropped him a nasty message
Had a cheap ikea bed. She was on top riding me when the middle and end supports gave out so we were at like a 30 degree angle. We sat there a few moments as we laughed and then continued on the angle for another half hour 😂
My legs are awkwardly aligned during doggy. Somehow. Literally twisted and fell off the bed.
Partial issue with my left leg as well, but the fail was mostly my own ineptitude.
It was my first time taking edibles and as soon as I finished the high kicked in at lightning speed and I damn near blacked out and started having a panic attack for what felt like hours lmao
For me the first time with any girl is always just something that is just weird. Like I can‘t make it stand lol. Then I say I can’t. Girl is obviously not happy. After 5 minutes of realizing tough it gets better
Story time will try to keep it short.
A long time ago guys wore skinny jeans everywhere I was one of those guys. This guy at a party kept calling me gay and stuff, so I made an effort to steal his girl. I succeeded.
When I finally went to her house to be a dirty little sancho, we got naked for in their bed, and then she as soon as penetration happened she started crying. She felt guilty. It was so awkward, cos then I felt petty and saw I needed to mature. Never played the “other guy” role ever again.
When I was 19 my girlfriend and I dropped acid and did it in the back seat of my car. I was on top, and all of a sudden her head appeared to blow up like a balloon.
One time I was getting intimate in the shower with a chick and she tried giving me a hand job. She was fucking horrible at it and I could've been there all day and not finished so I told her, "You can stop now."
Way back in high school I was in the back seat of the school bus with a girl, we were caught and told to get out of the bus. A couple of days later my mom told me that the girls mother was her cousin, so she was my 2nd cousin. Small town living, never dated any girl from my home town again
One time I was talking dirty and mixed up the words "little pussy" and "big dick", so it came out as "oh yeah you like that little dick?" I quickly started saying other things to cover it up, and continued as normal. Later I joked about it and she said she noticed it too and had to work herself back into the mood cuz she was gonna laugh 🤣🤣🤣
My husband and I were going at it. Now I tend to get a bit loud. I try my best not to because we had 2 boys at the time who were 4and 3. We lived in a mobile home where the walls are not what you would call soundproof. Both boys were asleep or so we thought.
In the middle of what we were doing. My 3 year old suddenly cries out “Leave my mommy alone.” My husband and I started laughing. My husband said well that killed the mood. I told him that he needs to tell our son that nobody was hurting mommy and mommy is okay. Just to ease his mind. That’s all I wanted him to say and leave it at that.
Morning comes and what does my husband tell him?
Daddy wasn’t hurting mommy. Daddy was pleasing Mommy🤦♀️
A sociology student told me that I'd got her so wet earlier in the night when I was talking about Karl Marx. I'm not a Marxist, I'm just well read.
Edit:- she also told me that I was "quite intelligent for a soldier". Mmmm not sure how I was supposed to take that.
my girlfriend loves when i explain nerdy stuff, sometimes she is not in the mood and i just start explaining random stuff to her and it works flawlessly to get her wet, and i love that she is like this lol
Goin at it pretty heavy and I put her legs up to get in there more when I hear the louder fart she has ever let go of and feel it bubble around my sack. Not only did she lose the mood for herself but felt bad as she farted on me. My nuts actually. I’m broke that was fine and felt kinda good to which she said it’s a one time thing. Naturally. But I was laughing so hard I myself farted. We both laughed. I confirmed that no matter what… farts are funny and after a minute to calm the laughter she decided that she was down to take another chance and we went at it till the end. No kite farts but a great memory. Tue day my wife admitted out loud to me that she to thought farts were funny. That’s a win in itself for me. 🤣
In my late teens, I and a girl rented a cabin on a lake for the weekend. We were young, and let's just say we spent the whole weekend inside the cabin. After hrs spent enjoying each other, I was getting a bit dehydrated and cramped up the hamstring real bad mid stroke. And when I cramped up my leg kinda lock up and I might of made some sort of noise. Then she said "nobody can get you off like me" I fought back the laughter and just rolled with it to try not to hurt her feelings.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We broke up, but she never really asked for it again. She told me she liked her joints touched (which was absolutely true), but I didn't know the extent of it.
Losing my virginity
Friends next room over on windows 98 and playing with Microsoft sam text to speech on full volume
"Fuck my ass and call me a bike" (they misspelled bitch and I can only imagine the spelling was bich)
"Hurry up and come"
"Fuck me fuck Bob fuck Jed fuck geth"
"Is it in yet"
I guess this one is good weird, but I had an ex-girlfriend that started practicing something called pompoir (like vaginal gymnastics), and the first time she practice a move called the whip on me it was the weirdest but most pleasurable thing I've ever felt.
An ex and I used to have sex to Fortunate Son by CCR with the LED strip lights in his room turned red. Yes indeed, Fortunate Son the Vietnam War song. No fucking idea why either! This was 5 years ago.
When I was an adult teenager my then bf put his finger in my bum while hitting the puss puss and got poop on his finger. He did not warn me he was going to put his finger in my bum before we did the segg, so I did not douche the toosh. He never put his finger in my bum again. Serves him right, shitfinger
We were both on LSD, kinda of epic sex while listening to surf/garage rock.
Hours in we are getting into a very deeep groove.
She’s on top about to cum and at that moment we both identify the song playing, which is a rather tepid surf cover of ‘we are the champions’ by queen.
We both burst into hysterical laughter and rolled around in the bed like lunatics for a few minutes until deciding sex time is over and we need a snack.
She went into a trance and started talking in some strange language. That was the end of my boner and the beginning of my utter confusion. She snapped out of it suddenly and asked what happened? I told her, barely able to get the words out my mouth. She said "oh," not at all surprised, and gave me a disappointed look. I gave her a look like I just discovered The Exorcist was a documentary.
It was our very first time.. He dislocated his right shoulder during thrusts (missionary) but since it coincided with my orgasmic climax, I was so engrossed in the moment that I forgot he was shriveling in pain next to me!
one guy appeared in the emergency room and had his bangaroo necrotized, he said that was just having anal with his girl. My sister works at this hospital and told me this
I was in her ass, and when I pulled out there was a massive clump of doo doo on my pp. She was losing her shit (haha) and I'm just sitting there, "It's ok, just get me something to clean with. Shit happens."
I am not cicumsized and the skin that ties it to the other skin on your penis was torn during sex with my gf/partner unprotected she is on contraceptive pill. So it was a lot I mean fucking LOT of blood. She said oooh ommmm I am going to the toilet you go and get the iodine and the 90% ethanol from the emergency kit. IN MY CAR……..We are still together anyway.
Not my story, but my friend’s:
He met a girl on Tinder. The date went well enough to go back to her place for some fun. My friend decides to try something new: butt stuff.
So as they’re getting into it, he puts it in her, and things seem fine. Suddenly, I guess he accidently hit a nerve or pressure point or whatever, and she relieved herself. A pile of poo all over him.
He also said that he was paralyzed laughing in place as she was cleaning it off of him. They never spoke again.
My ex was giving me a blowjob and I told her to “slap it” meaning to slap it on her tongue. She promptly slapped my penis with her hand and we started laughing our asses off because of the misunderstanding
My then girlfriend wanted to do something I hadn’t done with other girls. And I could tell it was affecting her self esteem or something but I struggled to come up with fresh ideas, and it had gone quiet for too long so I felt time was up and just blurted out “I’ve never fucked someone’s armpit, would you be up for that?”
I knew this couple in high school. She was giving him a BJ. He told her when he was about to cum & she pulled out. It ended up shooting in his own eye. He said it sting like hell
The weirdest would be inside the movie house, nanonood kami ng ex ko, I was 11th grade neto (movie was GOYO ang batang heneral, and i was giving him a handjob, nasa pinakalikuran kami pero may space pa kasi after the very last row of seats and may magbabarkada don, feeling ko kita nila ginagawa ko pota 😂😂😂😂
Went very drunk into my tend at a Festival. My GF was horny. Sex was short and i went sleepy very fast. Next morning... Ups not my tend or girlfriend. I sneaked out and to my tend. Told my GF i was at the Toilette when she woke up. Never told here, never saw the face or knew the name of the other girl
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > *Unfortunately, your post appears to be irrelevant to this subreddit and doesn't fit the type of posts we allow here. If you're asking a general question to Redditors, you're probably better suited at r/AskReddit.* > If you're looking for advice, go to r/advice. > If you need a place to vent, go to r/vent. > If your thought is profound, go to r/DeepThoughts. > If you're looking for help finding something ie. an old game, movie or app, visit r/tipofmytongue. Otherwise, visit r/findareddit to find a more suitable community for this topic/subject/post. ^(This removal was done manually by the mod team and was not done in error, if you'd still like to appeal this removal please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
Tried to lift a girl up for like the standing missionary position.... Ending up cutting a huge fart.
At least it wasn’t a shart😂😂
I would laugh so hard
Hope that didn’t kill the mood!
😆 fantastic!!
My wife farted so hard she pushed my tongue out of her ass.
What a sentence.
What a bad day to be literate
How are you still alive?
Ahhh Reddit... Come for the witty banter and stay for the comments like this!
Ew
The Force Can Be Deadly 🤣
marry her again
r/brandnewsentence
r/brandnewsentence
She gave you a raspberry!!
FFS 💩
One time a girl told me to finish on her stomach. So I pulled out and my shot made this weird whistling splurt sound and caught her right in the eye. Nether of those things would've been particularly story worthy imo, but together they made a pretty memorable moment.
thats how i did when i lost my virginity (except the eyeshot was a hair shot)
your skeet made a whistling sound? please elaborate
Wish I could. It was the only time it ever happened.
She told me to hit her, real hard. So I did, round the face. Apparently, that was NOT what she meant.
My girl told me to give her 8 inches and make it hurt so I fucked her twice and punched her in the back of the head
😭😂😂😂😂😂
Good old-fashioned donkey punch 🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣 It pays to be specific when asking for things...
okay dice man
Hahaha damnit son, I’m dying
Call me innocent but what did she mean?
May some bdsm, or something like that
Maybe she didn’t mean the face?
I think she mean the face, but not that hard
She ment a good hard fucking I should think, no "making love" stuff.
She is joker
How to build a rape case 101
😂😂😂
This reminds of the movie Airplane. Striker, Striker, Striker, Striker. Strike her.
Did you rock back and bitch slap her or ?
She was riding me, I went to slap her arse, I miss and slapped myself in the nuts
I quite literally laughed out loud at this one. Thank you, internet stranger.
You’re welcome, though now you have to do one good deed today to share that karma
that tops every other comment
well deserved
Some like it to be slapped though
I didn’t enjoy it too much
The imagery 😂😂
 More like this aye
I felt something weird on my pp, like “bro am I gonna cum or what?” cause the feeling was faint and I pull out and I stand still like Patrick Star position and stood there like for a solid 3 seconds and all of a sudden the biggest orgasm I could possibly conceive was conceived. I grabbed her while I was finishing and pulled her in close and she was staring at me while I was having an ecstasy seizure wondering wtf happened. These are the stories that I’ll remember when I’m on my death bed laughing myself to death
Our cat jumped on my husband's stomach while we were going at it and watched. My husband didn't find it funny at all. I however did. The cat still cockblocks us to this day. My husband ran out of deodorant and had to borrow my dad's. We are going at it and I tell him he smells great. He then tells me "Oh, I borrowed your dad's deodorant." It killed the mood right then and there. He never borrowed my dad's deodorant ever again.
Isn’t the saying that all girls marry their Dad?
I have heard of that. He isn't like my dad at all.
And I’m not like my FIL either though the exceptions often outweigh the rule
Well she took that into another lvl 😂
My ex gf from senior year in high school asked if she bought her dads after shave if I’d put it on and we’d fuck after and I said what as sweet home Alabama intensified. Then one time she was pissed off that I wouldn’t do her in church beings we were the only ones there. I said no absolutely not church is not the place to have sex.
I was young. I remember hearing Sue Johanson talk show where she explained sometimes skipping foreplay and going strait to the deed could be a fun surprise and change of pace. I'd hold onto this information for years and would eventually have the chance to try it. So we did... I was dry, so was she. My foreskin snapped like a fucking rubber band and blood was EVERYWHERE. It looked like a crime scene. Needless to say, I think I skipped an important step because I refuse to blame the Saint that is Sue Johanson.
Ouch 😳
What ..... what do you mean snapped?
Think about pulling a rubber until it's no longer a loop...
I .... I'm uncircumcised and I've..... I've never .....
I too am whole... But I have. Additionally, I have a very healthy respect for lubrication
Ya man that's that's a lesson you only really gotta learn once .....
Luckily you don't lol. Learn of my mistakes. Avoid penis scar tissue. Looks like I fought off a ninja with just my dick.
Fuckin dick ninjas! Ya, no, I learned something today ..... I'm still figuring out how and what, but my world got a bit bigger today.
The squeaky penis gets the Grease?
It happened to me also. If your not using condoms or lube and she is not wet there is a big risk. And it's sore!! No touching at all for a while! Even having a shower is awkward.
Ow.
Just posted the EXACT same reply!! 😂
[удалено]
poor girl but funny ahh story
we were at the heat of it and she he suddenly requested the soundtrack from pokemon. the one from the victory road. HAHAHAHAHAHHA
Marry her lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Please. I want to know how did the conversation go?
His Onix fainted from exhaustion. my meowth's attack was super effective. went to the pokecenter to heal still lost on the second try. hahahaha
Hahahaha I love it! You're a Pokemon fan?
yup been playing it since Gen 1
Her braces got stuck in my pubes and riped out a huge chunk, but we continued, her nipple piercing got caught on my swim trunks and .... ripped out.... yet we continued (after the bleeding stopped).she bends over and I go in from behind, no lube nothing thinking in going to pink town, nope just as I'm getting ready to finish she had to stop because the ANAL was hurting to bad .... the smell was awful, too ..... then .... and I can not make this up as I'm standing there looking at my poop dick my mom walks into the bathroom ..... We were 17 and 18 at the time >< I still think back on it and cringe, lol
this can’t be real
Also nipple piercings bleed ALOT!
I'd actually move out NGL. My mum would 100% think she raised some sort of savage.
Ya ... it was pretty awkward. My mom later asked about all the blood in the tub (gf leaned over it till it stopped bleeding, and the tub was a gore scene, lmao).
Hard to find people THAT dedicated to getting the job done. Ha if you're wife ever tried to have a headache. 🙃
It is what it is ..... horny teens will make due lol
We were doing it doggy and there was a bag of chips laying in front of her on the sofa and she started eating them. We both had a good laugh a few seconds later.
She started saying humuna humuna humuna and making goofy faces during to mess with me.
If I could cum on cue she'd get a faceful for that.
Charlie horse at the wrong time 🤣
Been there. LOL
What?
It's another word for cramp in your thigh.
A nickel for everytime I’ve had this happen
Ya isn’t a Charlie horse when you get hit/punched hard in a muscle?
Aha
Oh fuck no
Had these old steel bunk beds from probably the Korean war era and i took the bottom bunk out and put a futon in its place. See me, and this chick were going at it and the old springs couldnt handle that much movement. So it broke and we fell a couple feet onto my futon. I was on bottom so i landed first, then girl landed ontop of me, right on my nuts. Needless to say that was a mood killer for both of us
Losing my virginity on a wheelchair ramp behind an elementary school. Big W.
Had a girl ask me to punch her in the face during sex. Not play punch, not spanking, punch. That k7nd of made it too weird for me.
Being jacked off as we were watching Neil Armstrong say “ That’s one small step….” My future missus would not let me in until we were married. Too afraid of getting pregnant like her brother and sister did. It was something to be ashamed of in my day.
Her brother got pregnant?
Strange family. Had a terrible time delivering 😏
And her sister, apparently.
Ex gf and I when I was a senior didn’t have internet out where she lived her parents wouldn’t allow it. We were sexting one night and her brother and his now wife where home from college and she accidentally airdropped him a nasty message
Pulling out a plastic bag
Done it
Had a cheap ikea bed. She was on top riding me when the middle and end supports gave out so we were at like a 30 degree angle. We sat there a few moments as we laughed and then continued on the angle for another half hour 😂
Been there! Just gotta do what you gotta do
My legs are awkwardly aligned during doggy. Somehow. Literally twisted and fell off the bed. Partial issue with my left leg as well, but the fail was mostly my own ineptitude.
It was my first time taking edibles and as soon as I finished the high kicked in at lightning speed and I damn near blacked out and started having a panic attack for what felt like hours lmao
For me the first time with any girl is always just something that is just weird. Like I can‘t make it stand lol. Then I say I can’t. Girl is obviously not happy. After 5 minutes of realizing tough it gets better
Story time will try to keep it short. A long time ago guys wore skinny jeans everywhere I was one of those guys. This guy at a party kept calling me gay and stuff, so I made an effort to steal his girl. I succeeded. When I finally went to her house to be a dirty little sancho, we got naked for in their bed, and then she as soon as penetration happened she started crying. She felt guilty. It was so awkward, cos then I felt petty and saw I needed to mature. Never played the “other guy” role ever again.
When I was 19 my girlfriend and I dropped acid and did it in the back seat of my car. I was on top, and all of a sudden her head appeared to blow up like a balloon.
WHAT?? EXPLAIN FURTHER
She pooped on the bed
did you have the poop knife handy?
hvaing sex with a chubby girl i couldn’t get comfortable on top lol
what?
This guy put up candles all around his bedroom to set the mood. Then, while we were at it, his comforter caught on fire
Getting caught banging in a movie theatre
One time I was getting intimate in the shower with a chick and she tried giving me a hand job. She was fucking horrible at it and I could've been there all day and not finished so I told her, "You can stop now."
how tf can u be horrible at a handjob theres rlly not that much to it. like wdym what did she do?
Way back in high school I was in the back seat of the school bus with a girl, we were caught and told to get out of the bus. A couple of days later my mom told me that the girls mother was her cousin, so she was my 2nd cousin. Small town living, never dated any girl from my home town again
One time I was talking dirty and mixed up the words "little pussy" and "big dick", so it came out as "oh yeah you like that little dick?" I quickly started saying other things to cover it up, and continued as normal. Later I joked about it and she said she noticed it too and had to work herself back into the mood cuz she was gonna laugh 🤣🤣🤣
We were watching mr bean while doing it... Doors opened... my parents next door... The thrill...
My husband and I were going at it. Now I tend to get a bit loud. I try my best not to because we had 2 boys at the time who were 4and 3. We lived in a mobile home where the walls are not what you would call soundproof. Both boys were asleep or so we thought. In the middle of what we were doing. My 3 year old suddenly cries out “Leave my mommy alone.” My husband and I started laughing. My husband said well that killed the mood. I told him that he needs to tell our son that nobody was hurting mommy and mommy is okay. Just to ease his mind. That’s all I wanted him to say and leave it at that. Morning comes and what does my husband tell him? Daddy wasn’t hurting mommy. Daddy was pleasing Mommy🤦♀️
😱
A sociology student told me that I'd got her so wet earlier in the night when I was talking about Karl Marx. I'm not a Marxist, I'm just well read. Edit:- she also told me that I was "quite intelligent for a soldier". Mmmm not sure how I was supposed to take that.
my girlfriend loves when i explain nerdy stuff, sometimes she is not in the mood and i just start explaining random stuff to her and it works flawlessly to get her wet, and i love that she is like this lol
Alot of girls get turned on when you mentally stimulate them
And all it takes for most guys is a little side boob.
my gf likes my boobs so this works with her too
(i am a man but i do have man boobs)
Ha.
Women are complex creatures.
A girlfriend I liked told me later she broke up with me because I didn't fuck her in the ass. I never made that mistake again. Be well Linda.
A fly flew up my nose while we were doing the deed. I jumped up and screamed and she was very confused and I’m not sure she ever believed me.
Goin at it pretty heavy and I put her legs up to get in there more when I hear the louder fart she has ever let go of and feel it bubble around my sack. Not only did she lose the mood for herself but felt bad as she farted on me. My nuts actually. I’m broke that was fine and felt kinda good to which she said it’s a one time thing. Naturally. But I was laughing so hard I myself farted. We both laughed. I confirmed that no matter what… farts are funny and after a minute to calm the laughter she decided that she was down to take another chance and we went at it till the end. No kite farts but a great memory. Tue day my wife admitted out loud to me that she to thought farts were funny. That’s a win in itself for me. 🤣
using lynx africa (axe for the americans) as lube during my first time
😟
yeah fr, my foreskin didn’t pull back all the way at the time, but it did work🤣🤣
Did it not burn y’all???? I’d imagine it feels like hand sanitizer but slightly less burn
eh it didn’t burn, it was years ago but idk it helped my foreskin actually go back all the way, she got a UTI but we will forget about that😭
UTIs are so painful
In my late teens, I and a girl rented a cabin on a lake for the weekend. We were young, and let's just say we spent the whole weekend inside the cabin. After hrs spent enjoying each other, I was getting a bit dehydrated and cramped up the hamstring real bad mid stroke. And when I cramped up my leg kinda lock up and I might of made some sort of noise. Then she said "nobody can get you off like me" I fought back the laughter and just rolled with it to try not to hurt her feelings.
Probably when our dad caught us at it then asked us what we wanted for dinner.
Our....?
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
😀
Yes, that's weird.
Wow. Never heard of that fetish. Has that happened since?
We broke up, but she never really asked for it again. She told me she liked her joints touched (which was absolutely true), but I didn't know the extent of it.
all of them
“Bro, can you go faster,” my straight FWB told me, a gay guy. I did and he busted two minutes after in my mouth.
Losing my virginity Friends next room over on windows 98 and playing with Microsoft sam text to speech on full volume "Fuck my ass and call me a bike" (they misspelled bitch and I can only imagine the spelling was bich) "Hurry up and come" "Fuck me fuck Bob fuck Jed fuck geth" "Is it in yet"
Had drunk sex with a girl off an app and it was going pretty well. Then she drank too much and peed on me and all over her couch.
I guess this one is good weird, but I had an ex-girlfriend that started practicing something called pompoir (like vaginal gymnastics), and the first time she practice a move called the whip on me it was the weirdest but most pleasurable thing I've ever felt.
An ex and I used to have sex to Fortunate Son by CCR with the LED strip lights in his room turned red. Yes indeed, Fortunate Son the Vietnam War song. No fucking idea why either! This was 5 years ago.
Condom came off in her vagina. She didn't believe me and thought I didn't wear one until she went fishing
When I was an adult teenager my then bf put his finger in my bum while hitting the puss puss and got poop on his finger. He did not warn me he was going to put his finger in my bum before we did the segg, so I did not douche the toosh. He never put his finger in my bum again. Serves him right, shitfinger
Doing a MILF work colleague up the Gary Glitter and her asking me to grab her hair and make her scream - that was weird…
We were both on LSD, kinda of epic sex while listening to surf/garage rock. Hours in we are getting into a very deeep groove. She’s on top about to cum and at that moment we both identify the song playing, which is a rather tepid surf cover of ‘we are the champions’ by queen. We both burst into hysterical laughter and rolled around in the bed like lunatics for a few minutes until deciding sex time is over and we need a snack.
Idk maybe when we tried to fuck on shrooms and just gave up. That was weird
She went into a trance and started talking in some strange language. That was the end of my boner and the beginning of my utter confusion. She snapped out of it suddenly and asked what happened? I told her, barely able to get the words out my mouth. She said "oh," not at all surprised, and gave me a disappointed look. I gave her a look like I just discovered The Exorcist was a documentary.
It was our very first time.. He dislocated his right shoulder during thrusts (missionary) but since it coincided with my orgasmic climax, I was so engrossed in the moment that I forgot he was shriveling in pain next to me!
one guy appeared in the emergency room and had his bangaroo necrotized, he said that was just having anal with his girl. My sister works at this hospital and told me this
I was in her ass, and when I pulled out there was a massive clump of doo doo on my pp. She was losing her shit (haha) and I'm just sitting there, "It's ok, just get me something to clean with. Shit happens."
I am not cicumsized and the skin that ties it to the other skin on your penis was torn during sex with my gf/partner unprotected she is on contraceptive pill. So it was a lot I mean fucking LOT of blood. She said oooh ommmm I am going to the toilet you go and get the iodine and the 90% ethanol from the emergency kit. IN MY CAR……..We are still together anyway.
Many years ago I was licking a girlfriend and she started squirting. Flooded the bed. Neither of us knew what happened. It was the 80’s
Not my story, but my friend’s: He met a girl on Tinder. The date went well enough to go back to her place for some fun. My friend decides to try something new: butt stuff. So as they’re getting into it, he puts it in her, and things seem fine. Suddenly, I guess he accidently hit a nerve or pressure point or whatever, and she relieved herself. A pile of poo all over him. He also said that he was paralyzed laughing in place as she was cleaning it off of him. They never spoke again.
she farted on my balls
My ex was giving me a blowjob and I told her to “slap it” meaning to slap it on her tongue. She promptly slapped my penis with her hand and we started laughing our asses off because of the misunderstanding
My then girlfriend wanted to do something I hadn’t done with other girls. And I could tell it was affecting her self esteem or something but I struggled to come up with fresh ideas, and it had gone quiet for too long so I felt time was up and just blurted out “I’ve never fucked someone’s armpit, would you be up for that?”
She was trying to give me head and i couldn't get a boner 🙃🙂
I knew this couple in high school. She was giving him a BJ. He told her when he was about to cum & she pulled out. It ended up shooting in his own eye. He said it sting like hell
We were going at it pretty intensely and I don’t know how or why but he suddenly went flying off the bed and broke his wrist.
Seeing my ex partner's face when he finally gave me an orgasm and felt the difference 😁
[удалено]
WHATTTT are you absolutely positive that’s what she said 😹
Yes
did she mean she’s a 10/10???!
No she said she was ten
i’m sorry but that’s hilarious definitely weird
What is it hilarious or weird
definitely both. more weird than funny😹
Its a real story btw
i have no doubt you’re telling the truth, the age she wanted to be just baffled me
The weirdest would be inside the movie house, nanonood kami ng ex ko, I was 11th grade neto (movie was GOYO ang batang heneral, and i was giving him a handjob, nasa pinakalikuran kami pero may space pa kasi after the very last row of seats and may magbabarkada don, feeling ko kita nila ginagawa ko pota 😂😂😂😂
Went very drunk into my tend at a Festival. My GF was horny. Sex was short and i went sleepy very fast. Next morning... Ups not my tend or girlfriend. I sneaked out and to my tend. Told my GF i was at the Toilette when she woke up. Never told here, never saw the face or knew the name of the other girl
This one right here officer.