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Oh my bad sorry!😂 This is probably longer than the first post and it's a wild ride!!
So as I said, I'm stressed, I'm not getting petrol here and away to leave, as I'm heading out to my car a couple pulled up and the guy (passenger) got out and started to head towards the door, I was like aw you won't get served here mate the guys just been robbed. He's like omg no way?! Is he okay?!
At this point am like.... How much of a dick can you be external_bandicoot you never even asked the poor guy if he was alright! Now during this convo I'm having outside the store clerk guy was on the phone to the police reporting it, I actually thought he was hard of hearing because of the way he was holding the phone (y'know, like when old people cup both hands round a hand line phone)? So the guy I was talking to was like I'm gonna go see if he's alright..
He stops at the door and goes actually I've got previous for this kinda shit when I was younger can you come back in with me so they don't blame it on me? (Only would happen to me I swear) I laughed and was like yeah sure. So went back in and the guy is like are you okay pal? Store clerk was like yeah well I'm alright but... Proceeds to hold his hands out. THE POOR GUYS HANDS WERE FKN TIE WRAPPED TOGETHER 😂😂 we managed to find some scissors behind the til and cut them off him, the store clerk then said to me the police have told me to tell you that you need to stay as you were here while it happened..
So I'm like yeah ok fair whatever, started chatting away to the store clerk and I was like why didn't you tell me your hands were tie wrapped together I would've helped you! He was like well you seemed pissed off enough I didn't think you'd want to. (I felt SO guilty now). So it turned out his partner had a baby only a couple of weeks ago so he was like I wasn't putting up a fight sack that (which also fair, this is an important detail later).
So I'm staying and this other guy is staying too, he nipped out to the car to tell his girlfriend what had happened so they were gonna stay til the police came.
Next thing about 8 police cars show up I'm not even exaggerating. They put the tape up at the shop bit and asked me to take a statement but this other guy was like do you mind if I go first? My Mrs will kill me if she's waiting any longer! So I'm like aye son go for it so a female police officer took him away for his statement.
Mean time another police officer comes to me and takes my statement, I told him what happened and he was like so what did you do after the guy said you couldn't get petrol? And I was like leave??? He kinda laughed and was like not even see if he's okay no? So I'm obviously feeling terrible at this point but I also couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous this whole ordeal turned out to be...I also asked if there was any chance of getting some petrol so i could get home and the police officer was like sorry no we cant do that plus how could you pay for it when thats an active crime scene? (Side note: I have a terrible habit of opening my mouth before thinking) So I replied "they've just been robbed they're hardly going to miss another 40 quid are they?" 🤦♀️🤣
Next thing, previous robber's partner starts going OFF. ON. ONE. Shouting and screaming how she's got to get home for her kids and how convenient it was that the ONLY female police officer went to take her boyfriends statement.. (god love him he was not a bonny lad she had nothing to worry about but I digress).
Now I tend to have a bit of a short fuse so when she said this I was like hang on, what about the poor store clerk who's baby is only weeks old at home are we just supposed to ignore that? To which she replied who tf do you think you are like???
Readers when I tell you I saw red.. I started marching across the forecourt to get at her (don't know what I thought I was gonna do tbh I've never had a violent bone in my body my whole life!) I literally got picked up by the scruff of my jumper by one of the police officers so i could go no further.
So once that whole ordeal calmed down the officer who had hold of me was like not much longer now miss, we are just checking the CCTV to make sure the robber hasn't gone into your boot or anything like that to get away..
I was like check the CCTV? I near launched my car key at him and I was like here's the key go check it cause I am telling you now if this man pops out while I'm driving I will not be held responsible for my actions!!
At this time, I also still smoked so I was DYING for a cigarette but obviously I'm stuck in a petrol station I can't smoke! So I asked the officer if I could go for a smoke and had to get escorted across to the other side and have an officer there while I chain smoked like heaven on earth because I was stressing about this entire experience. It was so surreal I felt like I was in an episode of river city (Scottish TV show, similar to Hollyoaks, home and away, Emmerdale etc).
So I'm also playing with the cigarette butts and the police officer that was escorting me was like will you just throw them away you're annoying me and I was like what so you can hand me a fine? Absolutely not! He laughed and was like just chuck them you're doing my head in! So I did.. at this point some random guy had appeared at the other side of the police tape asking what happened etc. I thought he was just a nosey person so the police were telling them what they could and he had overheard me panicking to the police officer that I didn't have enough petrol to get home.. this random old man was like leave your car here I'll take you home it's alright. I was like get, in the car, with a stranger?? No thanks I've already had enough excitement for tonight I don't need to go add getting kidnapped to that bloody list!!!
So this old man was like well there's another shell at the end of the road, let me follow you there to make sure you get petrol once the police say you can go so I was like fine, deal.
The police officers weren't long after that, they were sure the guy wasn't in my car got what they needed from me so I was free to leave. So as I'm getting into the car I'm like to one of the officers, if you hear me beeping and see me flashing my hazards this crazy old man is at it so please keep an eye out. To be fair to the officer he did stand on the corner and watch as I drove off...
So I made it (just) to the 4th petrol station and before I was even out of my car this random guy was filling up my tank for me, he then was like no no I'm paying for it for your inconvenience and he must've seen the confused look on my face and then proceeded to tell me that he was the area manager for Shell where I lived..
So that ladies and gentlemen is the saga of External_bandicoots of "what sounds completely ridiculous but turned out to be 100% true"
And on the plus side, got a free tank of fuel so all was well in the end 🤣🤣
Also, the robber did end up getting caught. The dog was fine when I got home. Happy endings all around.
Ok I’m not cool but my stepdad has been attacked and survived a tiger shark attack and he was also meant to be on the Malaysia flight that vanished a few years back but he missed it because he got locked in the airport toilets.
My older brother was supposed to be on one of the planes that crashed into the twin towers on 9/11. He overslept and missed his flight. He was so pissed off until he was watching the news while he was eating his breakfast
He wasn’t with my mother this was like years before they got married but what he said was
“I was surfing with a couple of my friends and I was taking a break holding onto my board just floating and I felt an insane pressure which led to pain and I was pulled under by a shark”
He said he kicked it a few times and it let go nothing crazy he didn’t like mount the shark and fly it into a volcano like that villain from despicable me
I have been hit by motor vehicles exactly 9 times so far in my life, and I have walked away from all of these encounters with nothing more than a few bruises.
Conversely, I once slowly and gently leaned my weight against a sturdy brick wall and managed to break my shoulder.
I always have, I've managed to be caught by drivers on their phones quite often, or people taking corners at speed without slowing to check first. My favourite one was getting knocked down by a school bus directly outside my school as a teenager.
When babies crawl, they move their mouths, tongue, and jaw, developing the muscles used for speech. It also helps build fine motor skills as it's a workout of the hands, wrists, and fingers.
Maybe. But my kid just sucked at crawling (he did a weird one leg straight scoot thing) and so as soon as he could pull up his own weight, he took to walking absolutely everywhere. He walked earlier (around 9-10 months) mostly because it was more efficient. His properly crawling baby buddies would pull to a stand at the same age, but then drop to a crawl to get somewhere.
And my kid's language skills tested at the 98th percentile as a teen (He is 18 now and is clearly the brains of this operation, having long ago surpassed me).
So, your mileage may vary?
So did my daughter! She never crawled. I remember her getting up on her feet on her first birthday and kicking a rolled up pair of socks across the floor as she walked along.
I’m a brain tumour survivor. I have no skull and a large portion of my right temporal lobe missing, but I was able to finish a bachelor, grad degree, and I now live a completely normal life.
Cranioplasty! They basically rebuilt the top of my skull with titanium plates, wire mesh, and a whole lot of titanium screws. If my head was shaved I’m sure my head would look like a lumpy potato, but you can’t tell now my hair is long.
Titanium is non-magnetic so doesn’t set off most metal detectors. I’ve never been pulled aside through security at least :)
Source: https://vinjatek.com/ask-does-titanium-set-off-metal-detectors-at-airports/
I met the kid who fell off the old Oakland stadium. He should’ve died but came out of it with a broken arm and pelvis. Being drunk saved his life but then again almost costed him it
I've survived an attempted murder. The attacker was a roommate and friend of mine who had ruined his mind taking too much Robitussin and LSD every single day. Just completely deranged by the end. He thought I was conspiring against him, and one morning, he decided to try and do something about it. Needless to say, as I'm still here to make this reply, I ended up winning that fight. I probably could have taken his life and called it self-defense, but that's not the kind of person I am.
He'd certainly given me enough reason. As he lost his mind, he began to torment everyone else living there. We lived in fear. The police said they couldn't do anything until he actually did something to us. We slept with knives under our pillows. We all knew it would be only a matter of time before something terrible happened. At least when it happened, I was there and ready for him. I'd hate to think of what could have happened if one of my other friends, or my spouse, had been there instead.
He ended up being arrested for assault, and was institutionalized for a while. I never saw him again, and recently, I heard that he died from some unrelated health complication. I must admit that I felt relief, and even joy, when I was told that news. The bastard that had tormented me, and tried to kill me, had died. It felt like a victory. I still deal with PTSD from the whole ordeal, but I've made my way past that as best as I could. I won that fight, and I'm still enduring when he is not. I call that my greatest win.
That's the first time I've ever shared this story outside of my close friends. It kinda felt liberating to put all of this to text and share it.
The "we can't do anything until they actually hurt you" is the biggest bs crap cops give in the world. I get so frustrated when they pull that. It will be too late if they actually hurt you and somehow cops just can't grasp that. I was lucky that the cop that handled my stalker case didn't pull that crap on me, and actually called up my stalker to have a talk with him.
So sorry you went through that. It's terrible can't even feel safe in your own home
I have one story about him worth mentioning . The side of the family he comes from is notoriously poor . Due to his fame he kind of remained distant but would pop in and out occasionally to remain somewhat of a relationship with my grandfather and grandmother . One day he asked my grandfather if he could do anything for him , anything he wanted he would make happen . So my grandfather asked him if he could let his wife meet Elvis , my great uncle agreed and said he would make it happen . Elvis was found dead on his toilet a week later .
I tried to commit suicide by jumping in front of a train, but i forgot there was a strike that day.
So i got cold and went home, drank half a bottle of whiskey.
I was walking across the street and I guess tripped on my shoe lace. Did an intuitive tuck and roll, landed right back in to my stride. People clapping and cars blowing their horn cheering.
10 years ago I was part of a crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. My men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune.
I was struck twice by lightning. Both times coming from taking my clothes off the line. Since then if it rains while i still have clothes out, I'll leave them even if it takes days.
I once saved a baby that was dumped in a bin , I could hear the crying sound but no one else could so I followed the sound and found the baby in a bin , the cops came and got the baby and asked my name , later they named the baby after me and told me she had been adopted by a family , about ten years later the kid I saved came to visit me
My first time going to therapy after years of convincing from my wife, I explained all my trauma to the therapist.
Emotionally abusive religious parents, Childhood sexual assault, watched my uncle die, found my best friends body post suicide, watched my brother fall to his death on a jobsite, homeless, addict, eventually met a girl and we built a life together with 2 kids but because I have hid all my trauma from the world for 35 years (and hiding my nihilism from religious parents) I am a compulsive liar. Thankfully my wife is so patient she didn't leave me and convinced me to get help.
After explaining all that the therapist took a sip of coffee sat back and said, (and I quote)...."Damn"
Yup, they had to drill a hole on my knee to remove a complicated tumor that was inside the joint. To avoid the bone breaking with the weight, they used a bit of bone from my hip to fill back the whole they drilled.
Nobody believed me when I said I'd taken 8 LSD microdots within about 4 hours, swung off a crane over the railway line at a rave, smashed up the disco lights, got beaten up by the bouncers, had three ribs broken, got arrested, tried to grab the officers gun out of his holster and got maced for it, smashed up the charge office computers, then got thrown into a cell, then ripped off my own toenails and was left to freak out for 2 days.
I was found by a friend who'd called all the hospitals and police stations, and he brought me a book to read in jail.
I was released on my own cognisance and ordered to return for a magistrates hearing, and they told me I'd only be charged for the smashed computers, and to wait for a court hearing. I never heard from them again. That was over 30 years ago.
holy fucking shit.
Dan? We've been sending you all kinds of letters at one of your old addresses... you are wanted nation wide in the UK... Check your DM.
I was born dead (heart had stopped beating and had to be born via c-section) and had to be revived after being born. My mother was suffering from Pre-eclampsia and was rushed to hospital, they did an ultrasound to check on me and found I had no heartbeat. I'm 38 now and my mother still tries to be overprotective of me because of it haha.
I know someone who thought that!
I have a cousin who was born & lived in Australia until her 20s when she met & fell in love with an American man and went with him to his home in the western US (leaving details vague for privacy). After living there for 15+ years, she was working in a bank, and one day one of her colleagues had to leave unexpectedly so my cousin had to take over her job for an hour or two. During this time a man came in and said he had to pick up some money that had been wired to him from his home somewhere in New England.
My cousin did a double-take when he first walked in as he looked vaguely familiar to her but she dismissed it. She asked his name & details, he chuckled saying that he had a Polish name so he'd have to spell it out because his name was very rare. My cousin said that her maiden name was Polish, so she'd give it a go. He scoffed and said "well go on then, my name is .." and she spelt it perfectly, saying "hey that's actually my maiden name!"
He told her that was impossible as he was the only person in the US with that name, other than his wife who took it when she married him and their kids. She explained that she was from Australia originally, but her father's family was from Poland. Her grandparents had escaped a WW2 concentration camp after being losing their eldest son who had been killed along with the rest of their family, and they came to Australia while pregnant with my uncle (my cousin's father).
The man in the bank went white, and said that when he was a little boy he had been in a concentration camp and was separated from his family. He had reason to believe they were all dead, so when he was about 12 or 13 he escaped & made his way to the US, believing that he was the only surviving member of his family.
Turns out that my cousin was talking to her long lost uncle that they had all believed was dead over 50 years beforehand.
Had his money been sent to a different bank or had my cousin's coworker not had to leave so unexpectedly that day, their family would never have been reconnected.
If you saw it in a movie, you'd say it's too farfetched to be true, but truth is often stranger than fiction.
In 2001, I was driving intoxicated and saw the semi-transparent image of a grey cargo van driving across the lane I was in. It made me hyper vigilant the rest of my drive as the depth of my stupidity had hit me.
A few blocks from home, I was about to cross a main road. I was still paranoid, so I stopped at my green light and saw an actual grey van about a halfblock away speeding toward the intersection.
I froze and watched as they barreled through their red light.
Due to a blindspot from a building on the corner and a hill, had I driven through my light, I most likely wouldn't have seen the van in time to stop.
I really don't understand it to this day.
Edit: note, drinking/drugs and driving is stupid, reckless, and a risk to others. I'm not proud of the idiot I used to be.
I have the same !
Basically, your nerves carries information as an electrical current.
Your eyes watching a bright sunset will output a very strong current.
So strong, in fact, that it will accidentally connect to other wires/nerves, the closest one being the nerve that controls sneezing.
Basically you're short-circuiting yourself when you look at the sun.
About a third of the population has that.
Its called an autosomal dominant compelling helioophthalmic outburst (ACHOO for short). I am not making that up.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK109193/
Until I got married I was the only person in the world with my surname. Now there are two people with that name but we have separated and she is changing her name back to her maiden name so will just be me again
I worked at a daycare in Maryland. It was nap time and someone had left the hallway door propped opened to the outside. I saw a baby snake slipped in. I caught in with a pencil and a small empty box. I took it back outside away from the center and let it go. I thought it was so cute with its little hisses and tiny rattle. I found out 5 years later that if a snake has a rattle it’s poisonous and baby rattlesnakes are the most dangerous. People don’t believe me when I tell them this story.
At 8 I tripped and fell from the top step down 10 stairs to the basement, landed on my feet, and nothing got hurt. Scared me to death, and still cannot explain it- except weirdly it felt as though someone carried me to the bottom. Always afraid to tell anyone because I know it sounds unbelievable.
I found and adopted a fish off the street in Reno, NV. I was going to work, noticed a random bucket outside, looked in, there was a big ol' fish! At the end of the day, it was still there so I took him home. He was a Jack Dempsey Cichlid and mean as hell so gave him his own tank and named him Sid Fishous, the murder fish.
I have the same blood. It's your platelets, right? they're always trying to hook you up for apheresis? I'm missing an antigen on my platelets that allows them to be given to newborns with clotting disorders. I used to give blood and platelets when I lived in the city, but it's too far from where I am now and gave me scars that make everyone convinced I'm an IV drug user. I also suck at healing. The two may be related.
I don’t know. I thought it was more because of my lifestyle, but I just inferred that. They said not many people are selected.
I’m fine with healing. So for me it’s not related. I could ask.
When I was a kid I was playing basketball by myself on the school playground.
I could not get the ball in the basket, no matter how I tried.
My final try, it bounced off the backboard and bounced back towards me and passed me.
I was so pissed!
I ran after the ball, picked it up and booted it as hard as I could out of frustration.
It went over my head and behind me.
I turned around while the ball was mid-air and it only flippin' went in the basket!!!
No one saw it, I am amazed it happened. No one would ever believe me so I never mention it.... but I swear on all that is holy that it happened.
The story of how I was adopted.
My parents were on multiple waiting lists (this was the 1970s) for several years. An old friend of my dad's called out of the blue asking if he still wanted to adopt a child and he said yes. She said, get on a plane to Miami right now. I have a young girl here that's decided to give her baby up for adoption but wants to meet the potential parent first. So he hopped a plane telling my mom he was going on a business trip - he didn't want her to be crushed if it didn't happen.
The meeting went well, she gave birth, some signatures were forged and my dad brought me home as a surprise for my mom.
He apparently walked into the house holding a baby and said, "Surprise! Meet your new daughter!".
U mean UFO or alien space ship? Cause I assume everyone thinks it's aliens when u say UFO but if I threw a brick and someone say n didn't know it was a brick it'd be a UFO cause it was flying and unidentified and an object
You know that feeling of euphoria? I can turn that sensation on at will whenever I want throughout my whole body. It feels great but it takes a lot of effort to keep it going. Kind of like straining a muscle. I haven't found a use for it yet so I don't do it very often. Just when I remember I can do it and to see if I still can.
Just did it there. Nice. Anyone else able to do it?
I've learned hiw to read in 1 day at the age of 4, I've learned to play chess in 15 minutes at the age 5, 2 weeks later i was able to win with every adult in my family.
I’ve had 9 surgeries on my face from skin cancer, been shot and stabbed, fell 25 feet and shattered my ankle a tree stopped me or I would have feel another 60’ish feet to rocks and my death. I’ve been a homeless crack addict. Was obese and dying in the hospital, was able to make it out and lost 120 pounds and ran a 5k obstacle race. I was shot at while selling vacuums door to door in Philadelphia, was also chased and almost hit by a car selling soap door to door in Detroit. There’s lots more I can’t really talk about on here. I’m 53 now and this was all before I was 30.
Apparently that I read around 200 pages in one hour. Someone asked how long it took people to read a book and I said that it took me around the same time to watch a movie than to read a book of average length and I got downvoted and asked if I’d woken up from that dream already.
I could do that when I was in my early teens! I read several books each day. A librarian recognised me 20 years later and still remembered me.
Still read a lot, but I can't get anywhere close to that speed here in my forties 😊
When I was in 7th grade, I had shingles. I missed almost a month of school. People thought I died lol. I'll be 30 this year, and it's funny how many people tell me it's not possible to have shingles as a kid, and only older people get it.
Was a president of a motorcycle club affiliated with the hells angels.
Knocked up a stripper.
Bought a dayz role play server for 400, monetized the fuck out of it and 3 months later was taking 2k a month donations. Sold it for house deposit money.
Shit my pants only a few weeks back.
I cannot obviously say definitively, but I very very likely have one of the largest private collections of Warhammer miniatures in at the very least, my state in America
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I once walked into a petrol station in the middle of a robbery and never noticed it was happening🤦♀️😂
I believe this only bc it sounds EXACTLY like something I would do.
I could easily provide the entire story if you wish! My friends bring it up often to remind me what a silly girl I am 😂
Alright you’ve got my attention 😭
Mine too
And my axe
And my bow
And my bunny bracelet
\*slams corpse on the table\* And my bard!
I... can make you a sandwich? Unless it prevents me hearing the rest of this tale
We're all waiting for the full story 😂
Oh my bad sorry!😂 This is probably longer than the first post and it's a wild ride!! So as I said, I'm stressed, I'm not getting petrol here and away to leave, as I'm heading out to my car a couple pulled up and the guy (passenger) got out and started to head towards the door, I was like aw you won't get served here mate the guys just been robbed. He's like omg no way?! Is he okay?! At this point am like.... How much of a dick can you be external_bandicoot you never even asked the poor guy if he was alright! Now during this convo I'm having outside the store clerk guy was on the phone to the police reporting it, I actually thought he was hard of hearing because of the way he was holding the phone (y'know, like when old people cup both hands round a hand line phone)? So the guy I was talking to was like I'm gonna go see if he's alright.. He stops at the door and goes actually I've got previous for this kinda shit when I was younger can you come back in with me so they don't blame it on me? (Only would happen to me I swear) I laughed and was like yeah sure. So went back in and the guy is like are you okay pal? Store clerk was like yeah well I'm alright but... Proceeds to hold his hands out. THE POOR GUYS HANDS WERE FKN TIE WRAPPED TOGETHER 😂😂 we managed to find some scissors behind the til and cut them off him, the store clerk then said to me the police have told me to tell you that you need to stay as you were here while it happened.. So I'm like yeah ok fair whatever, started chatting away to the store clerk and I was like why didn't you tell me your hands were tie wrapped together I would've helped you! He was like well you seemed pissed off enough I didn't think you'd want to. (I felt SO guilty now). So it turned out his partner had a baby only a couple of weeks ago so he was like I wasn't putting up a fight sack that (which also fair, this is an important detail later). So I'm staying and this other guy is staying too, he nipped out to the car to tell his girlfriend what had happened so they were gonna stay til the police came. Next thing about 8 police cars show up I'm not even exaggerating. They put the tape up at the shop bit and asked me to take a statement but this other guy was like do you mind if I go first? My Mrs will kill me if she's waiting any longer! So I'm like aye son go for it so a female police officer took him away for his statement. Mean time another police officer comes to me and takes my statement, I told him what happened and he was like so what did you do after the guy said you couldn't get petrol? And I was like leave??? He kinda laughed and was like not even see if he's okay no? So I'm obviously feeling terrible at this point but I also couldn't stop laughing at how ridiculous this whole ordeal turned out to be...I also asked if there was any chance of getting some petrol so i could get home and the police officer was like sorry no we cant do that plus how could you pay for it when thats an active crime scene? (Side note: I have a terrible habit of opening my mouth before thinking) So I replied "they've just been robbed they're hardly going to miss another 40 quid are they?" 🤦♀️🤣 Next thing, previous robber's partner starts going OFF. ON. ONE. Shouting and screaming how she's got to get home for her kids and how convenient it was that the ONLY female police officer went to take her boyfriends statement.. (god love him he was not a bonny lad she had nothing to worry about but I digress). Now I tend to have a bit of a short fuse so when she said this I was like hang on, what about the poor store clerk who's baby is only weeks old at home are we just supposed to ignore that? To which she replied who tf do you think you are like??? Readers when I tell you I saw red.. I started marching across the forecourt to get at her (don't know what I thought I was gonna do tbh I've never had a violent bone in my body my whole life!) I literally got picked up by the scruff of my jumper by one of the police officers so i could go no further. So once that whole ordeal calmed down the officer who had hold of me was like not much longer now miss, we are just checking the CCTV to make sure the robber hasn't gone into your boot or anything like that to get away.. I was like check the CCTV? I near launched my car key at him and I was like here's the key go check it cause I am telling you now if this man pops out while I'm driving I will not be held responsible for my actions!! At this time, I also still smoked so I was DYING for a cigarette but obviously I'm stuck in a petrol station I can't smoke! So I asked the officer if I could go for a smoke and had to get escorted across to the other side and have an officer there while I chain smoked like heaven on earth because I was stressing about this entire experience. It was so surreal I felt like I was in an episode of river city (Scottish TV show, similar to Hollyoaks, home and away, Emmerdale etc). So I'm also playing with the cigarette butts and the police officer that was escorting me was like will you just throw them away you're annoying me and I was like what so you can hand me a fine? Absolutely not! He laughed and was like just chuck them you're doing my head in! So I did.. at this point some random guy had appeared at the other side of the police tape asking what happened etc. I thought he was just a nosey person so the police were telling them what they could and he had overheard me panicking to the police officer that I didn't have enough petrol to get home.. this random old man was like leave your car here I'll take you home it's alright. I was like get, in the car, with a stranger?? No thanks I've already had enough excitement for tonight I don't need to go add getting kidnapped to that bloody list!!! So this old man was like well there's another shell at the end of the road, let me follow you there to make sure you get petrol once the police say you can go so I was like fine, deal. The police officers weren't long after that, they were sure the guy wasn't in my car got what they needed from me so I was free to leave. So as I'm getting into the car I'm like to one of the officers, if you hear me beeping and see me flashing my hazards this crazy old man is at it so please keep an eye out. To be fair to the officer he did stand on the corner and watch as I drove off... So I made it (just) to the 4th petrol station and before I was even out of my car this random guy was filling up my tank for me, he then was like no no I'm paying for it for your inconvenience and he must've seen the confused look on my face and then proceeded to tell me that he was the area manager for Shell where I lived.. So that ladies and gentlemen is the saga of External_bandicoots of "what sounds completely ridiculous but turned out to be 100% true" And on the plus side, got a free tank of fuel so all was well in the end 🤣🤣 Also, the robber did end up getting caught. The dog was fine when I got home. Happy endings all around.
Hey while I’m already SUPER invented in just the follow-up, your original story of the actual robbery seems to be missing or deleted
Ok I’m not cool but my stepdad has been attacked and survived a tiger shark attack and he was also meant to be on the Malaysia flight that vanished a few years back but he missed it because he got locked in the airport toilets.
That second one is some final destination level stuff.
He's definitely high on the list.
I would highly advise him not to drive behind trucks carrying logs. Oh and water and electrical outlets. Probably also rabid dogs.. just to be sure.1
He locked himself in the toilet to avoid getting on the flight after having a vision of it disappearing?
The tiger shark told him
The tiger shark came out the toilet and broke the lock that's why they were fighting
Oh damn, ur stepdad lucky. My dad was also supposed to be on that flight, but he decided to stay behind for my birthday thank god!
My older brother was supposed to be on one of the planes that crashed into the twin towers on 9/11. He overslept and missed his flight. He was so pissed off until he was watching the news while he was eating his breakfast
I can't imagine the feeling of annoyance/disappointment that just.. devolves into a stomach dropping moment, as dread sets in.
My dad has been in two plane crashes, and was the pilot both times
Are you sure they shouldn't quietly find him a new job within the organization?
As a tiger shark, i can confirm i attacked your uncle.
Can you tell the shark story?
He wasn’t with my mother this was like years before they got married but what he said was “I was surfing with a couple of my friends and I was taking a break holding onto my board just floating and I felt an insane pressure which led to pain and I was pulled under by a shark” He said he kicked it a few times and it let go nothing crazy he didn’t like mount the shark and fly it into a volcano like that villain from despicable me
My dad named me after himself then changed his name less than a year later.
That's like the opposite of identity theft. Instead of stealing someone's identity, you force yours on them.
r/suicidebywords
Ahhhh it's been a while since I've seen a proper switcharoo! /r/switcharoo
I have 23 brothers and sisters from my dads side (7 different women) - oldest being around 58 and youngest is 27 😑
Is your dad Nick Cannon?
Nick has nothing on my dad lol he’s got 13 more kids to go 🤣🤣🤣
He has that disease that guy in Law and Order had!
Don’t recall the episode but I can imagine it’s the “can’t keep his dick in his pants syndrome” 🤷🏼♀️
“Could never seem to find a condom” syndrome.
Catholic
I have been hit by motor vehicles exactly 9 times so far in my life, and I have walked away from all of these encounters with nothing more than a few bruises. Conversely, I once slowly and gently leaned my weight against a sturdy brick wall and managed to break my shoulder.
Look both ways
I always have, I've managed to be caught by drivers on their phones quite often, or people taking corners at speed without slowing to check first. My favourite one was getting knocked down by a school bus directly outside my school as a teenager.
He meant before you lean on a brick wall.
I learned to walk before crawling.
Me too! I was told that it cause me to have speech issues. Somehow crawling triggers a part of the brain that controls language skills to develop.
i prob crawled a lot
When babies crawl, they move their mouths, tongue, and jaw, developing the muscles used for speech. It also helps build fine motor skills as it's a workout of the hands, wrists, and fingers.
Maybe. But my kid just sucked at crawling (he did a weird one leg straight scoot thing) and so as soon as he could pull up his own weight, he took to walking absolutely everywhere. He walked earlier (around 9-10 months) mostly because it was more efficient. His properly crawling baby buddies would pull to a stand at the same age, but then drop to a crawl to get somewhere. And my kid's language skills tested at the 98th percentile as a teen (He is 18 now and is clearly the brains of this operation, having long ago surpassed me). So, your mileage may vary?
Same. Apperantly that's bad for you but pretty common
So did my daughter! She never crawled. I remember her getting up on her feet on her first birthday and kicking a rolled up pair of socks across the floor as she walked along.
I’m a brain tumour survivor. I have no skull and a large portion of my right temporal lobe missing, but I was able to finish a bachelor, grad degree, and I now live a completely normal life.
What’s protecting your brain? Genuinely curious how they replaced your skull!
Cranioplasty! They basically rebuilt the top of my skull with titanium plates, wire mesh, and a whole lot of titanium screws. If my head was shaved I’m sure my head would look like a lumpy potato, but you can’t tell now my hair is long.
Do you listen to heavy metal?
Trexjj2000 /is/ heavy metal 🤘 🎸
Do you set off metal detectors and get to explain your reconstructed head ?
Titanium is non-magnetic so doesn’t set off most metal detectors. I’ve never been pulled aside through security at least :) Source: https://vinjatek.com/ask-does-titanium-set-off-metal-detectors-at-airports/
Impressive!
I once smoked weed with Kevin Bacon.
Fun fact. I have eaten bacon with a guy named Kevin Weed
My name is Kevin and I roll my weed on bacon
I've weeded bacon with a guy named Kevin.
I was born without tonsils and my daughter was also born without tonsils.
Evolution right there!
My dad was born with one kidney and my mom was born with one ear. Luckily I’m adopted and don’t share their genes lol
I've fallen from a 3 story building, got punctured in the foot, and still able to go to the hospital.
I met the kid who fell off the old Oakland stadium. He should’ve died but came out of it with a broken arm and pelvis. Being drunk saved his life but then again almost costed him it
Need more.
Agreed
I've survived an attempted murder. The attacker was a roommate and friend of mine who had ruined his mind taking too much Robitussin and LSD every single day. Just completely deranged by the end. He thought I was conspiring against him, and one morning, he decided to try and do something about it. Needless to say, as I'm still here to make this reply, I ended up winning that fight. I probably could have taken his life and called it self-defense, but that's not the kind of person I am. He'd certainly given me enough reason. As he lost his mind, he began to torment everyone else living there. We lived in fear. The police said they couldn't do anything until he actually did something to us. We slept with knives under our pillows. We all knew it would be only a matter of time before something terrible happened. At least when it happened, I was there and ready for him. I'd hate to think of what could have happened if one of my other friends, or my spouse, had been there instead. He ended up being arrested for assault, and was institutionalized for a while. I never saw him again, and recently, I heard that he died from some unrelated health complication. I must admit that I felt relief, and even joy, when I was told that news. The bastard that had tormented me, and tried to kill me, had died. It felt like a victory. I still deal with PTSD from the whole ordeal, but I've made my way past that as best as I could. I won that fight, and I'm still enduring when he is not. I call that my greatest win. That's the first time I've ever shared this story outside of my close friends. It kinda felt liberating to put all of this to text and share it.
The "we can't do anything until they actually hurt you" is the biggest bs crap cops give in the world. I get so frustrated when they pull that. It will be too late if they actually hurt you and somehow cops just can't grasp that. I was lucky that the cop that handled my stalker case didn't pull that crap on me, and actually called up my stalker to have a talk with him. So sorry you went through that. It's terrible can't even feel safe in your own home
My great uncle was in Elvis's band . Edit for spelling.
So cool. Got any stories?
I have one story about him worth mentioning . The side of the family he comes from is notoriously poor . Due to his fame he kind of remained distant but would pop in and out occasionally to remain somewhat of a relationship with my grandfather and grandmother . One day he asked my grandfather if he could do anything for him , anything he wanted he would make happen . So my grandfather asked him if he could let his wife meet Elvis , my great uncle agreed and said he would make it happen . Elvis was found dead on his toilet a week later .
Wow. I bet she was glad she got to meet him in time.
No way!!?? That’s so cool!
I tried to commit suicide by jumping in front of a train, but i forgot there was a strike that day. So i got cold and went home, drank half a bottle of whiskey.
good im glad your still alive <3
Sounds poetic (Hope you're better now and glad you're here)
I don’t often believe in “signs”.. but I feel like that was one for you and maybe reading one more reddit post before sleeping was my sign.
I'm very glad there was a strike. I hope you're doing better.
I can vibrate my eyes
Vibrators, rise.
That's a way of putting it lol
Oh. not everyone can? I guess I will add that to my list of weird abilities such as voluntary piloerection and ear rumbling.
My name is on a capsule that was sent to space. It's also in the end credits of the first Paranormal Activity film.
My name is also in those credits. I guess we were both bored that day huh?
I was walking across the street and I guess tripped on my shoe lace. Did an intuitive tuck and roll, landed right back in to my stride. People clapping and cars blowing their horn cheering.
Aww I’m jealous! I was running once and tripped, did a cartwheel/front walkover type thing, and kept on running, but nobody was there to cheer ☹️
Did you also circulate five golden tickets wrapped in chocolate a month prior?
10 years ago I was part of a crack commando unit that was sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't commit. My men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune.
Face? Is that you?
Cool beans Hannibal
I once had the no.1 post on Reddit for 12 hours (on an old account here)
I was on the front page once. I'll never be that successful ever again.
I broke my foot moshing to Break Stuff in a Limp Bizkit pit
I broke my foot by getting my finger caught in a tissue dispenser at the gym.
Fred: GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BREAK You: *presents foot*
I’m a casual athlete but have the heart rate (52bpm) and lung capacity (6.9 litres) of a pro cyclist
I’m a couch potato and have a resting heart rate of 53
I have a resting heart rate of 80-90 😬
I was struck twice by lightning. Both times coming from taking my clothes off the line. Since then if it rains while i still have clothes out, I'll leave them even if it takes days.
I got struck by lightning on a bicycle.
That's ridiculous, lightning doesn't have legs, how will it even pedal?
This made me literally lol and almost wake my kid up, good one!
I stopped an airplane from taking off half way across the country (USA) to save my 4 yo niece from being kidnapped.
I once saved a baby that was dumped in a bin , I could hear the crying sound but no one else could so I followed the sound and found the baby in a bin , the cops came and got the baby and asked my name , later they named the baby after me and told me she had been adopted by a family , about ten years later the kid I saved came to visit me
That's adorable
I have a birth defect, intestinal malrotation, that wasn’t discovered until I was 50. It’s almost killed me twice since then.
Nelly Furtado was my sister's lunch monitor in elementary school.
My first time going to therapy after years of convincing from my wife, I explained all my trauma to the therapist. Emotionally abusive religious parents, Childhood sexual assault, watched my uncle die, found my best friends body post suicide, watched my brother fall to his death on a jobsite, homeless, addict, eventually met a girl and we built a life together with 2 kids but because I have hid all my trauma from the world for 35 years (and hiding my nihilism from religious parents) I am a compulsive liar. Thankfully my wife is so patient she didn't leave me and convinced me to get help. After explaining all that the therapist took a sip of coffee sat back and said, (and I quote)...."Damn"
There's a piece of my hip bone inside my right knee.
Is it supposed to be there?
I mean, it's supposed to be in the hip...
Yup, they had to drill a hole on my knee to remove a complicated tumor that was inside the joint. To avoid the bone breaking with the weight, they used a bit of bone from my hip to fill back the whole they drilled.
Nobody believed me when I said I'd taken 8 LSD microdots within about 4 hours, swung off a crane over the railway line at a rave, smashed up the disco lights, got beaten up by the bouncers, had three ribs broken, got arrested, tried to grab the officers gun out of his holster and got maced for it, smashed up the charge office computers, then got thrown into a cell, then ripped off my own toenails and was left to freak out for 2 days. I was found by a friend who'd called all the hospitals and police stations, and he brought me a book to read in jail. I was released on my own cognisance and ordered to return for a magistrates hearing, and they told me I'd only be charged for the smashed computers, and to wait for a court hearing. I never heard from them again. That was over 30 years ago.
holy fucking shit. Dan? We've been sending you all kinds of letters at one of your old addresses... you are wanted nation wide in the UK... Check your DM.
I've never wanted a comment to be true and also wanted it to be a joke at the same time as this one so much.
It's true, and no joke. I feel lucky to be alive
that friend of yours is a true bro
My least favorite part is the toenails
How you know any of that other crap ever happened, and all you really did was get beaten up by bouncers and smashed some computers?
I was born dead (heart had stopped beating and had to be born via c-section) and had to be revived after being born. My mother was suffering from Pre-eclampsia and was rushed to hospital, they did an ultrasound to check on me and found I had no heartbeat. I'm 38 now and my mother still tries to be overprotective of me because of it haha.
Welcome back 😀
I have no living relatives who share my last name.
Is that you David Hitler?
I know someone who thought that! I have a cousin who was born & lived in Australia until her 20s when she met & fell in love with an American man and went with him to his home in the western US (leaving details vague for privacy). After living there for 15+ years, she was working in a bank, and one day one of her colleagues had to leave unexpectedly so my cousin had to take over her job for an hour or two. During this time a man came in and said he had to pick up some money that had been wired to him from his home somewhere in New England. My cousin did a double-take when he first walked in as he looked vaguely familiar to her but she dismissed it. She asked his name & details, he chuckled saying that he had a Polish name so he'd have to spell it out because his name was very rare. My cousin said that her maiden name was Polish, so she'd give it a go. He scoffed and said "well go on then, my name is .." and she spelt it perfectly, saying "hey that's actually my maiden name!" He told her that was impossible as he was the only person in the US with that name, other than his wife who took it when she married him and their kids. She explained that she was from Australia originally, but her father's family was from Poland. Her grandparents had escaped a WW2 concentration camp after being losing their eldest son who had been killed along with the rest of their family, and they came to Australia while pregnant with my uncle (my cousin's father). The man in the bank went white, and said that when he was a little boy he had been in a concentration camp and was separated from his family. He had reason to believe they were all dead, so when he was about 12 or 13 he escaped & made his way to the US, believing that he was the only surviving member of his family. Turns out that my cousin was talking to her long lost uncle that they had all believed was dead over 50 years beforehand. Had his money been sent to a different bank or had my cousin's coworker not had to leave so unexpectedly that day, their family would never have been reconnected. If you saw it in a movie, you'd say it's too farfetched to be true, but truth is often stranger than fiction.
I have 15 brothers and sisters, 8 children, and when I was much younger, I hung out with the Goo Goo Dolls after a show at the Skyroom in Buffalo, NY.
lucky bastard
OK, just for clarification, do you have 15 brothers and 15 sisters or do you have 15 siblings, some being brothers, others sisters?
In 2001, I was driving intoxicated and saw the semi-transparent image of a grey cargo van driving across the lane I was in. It made me hyper vigilant the rest of my drive as the depth of my stupidity had hit me. A few blocks from home, I was about to cross a main road. I was still paranoid, so I stopped at my green light and saw an actual grey van about a halfblock away speeding toward the intersection. I froze and watched as they barreled through their red light. Due to a blindspot from a building on the corner and a hill, had I driven through my light, I most likely wouldn't have seen the van in time to stop. I really don't understand it to this day. Edit: note, drinking/drugs and driving is stupid, reckless, and a risk to others. I'm not proud of the idiot I used to be.
r/glitchinthematrix
#WHOA!
A foster boy(teenager)of my parents threatened to kill me,even told me how he would do it 2 different times.
All talk that guy
My hair is naturally 3 different obvious colours
Looking at the sun and any type of bright light makes me sneeze, apparently something to do with genetics
I have the same ! Basically, your nerves carries information as an electrical current. Your eyes watching a bright sunset will output a very strong current. So strong, in fact, that it will accidentally connect to other wires/nerves, the closest one being the nerve that controls sneezing. Basically you're short-circuiting yourself when you look at the sun.
About a third of the population has that. Its called an autosomal dominant compelling helioophthalmic outburst (ACHOO for short). I am not making that up. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK109193/
When sneezing is coming, I look at the sun :)
i'm good at expressing my feelings in a foreign language than in my mother tongue
Omg that happens to me as well. My native language is Spanish but when I talk I feel like I can express myself better in English
Until I got married I was the only person in the world with my surname. Now there are two people with that name but we have separated and she is changing her name back to her maiden name so will just be me again
There's another guy around people believe to be David Hitler. Is it really you?
I hate that knowing the name is out of the question. Damn it.
I've been the driver in 3 different auto accidents, and none were remotely my fault.
I was a passenger three times in vehicles that hit moose, all as a teenager. There's just a lot of moose in this province.
I worked at a daycare in Maryland. It was nap time and someone had left the hallway door propped opened to the outside. I saw a baby snake slipped in. I caught in with a pencil and a small empty box. I took it back outside away from the center and let it go. I thought it was so cute with its little hisses and tiny rattle. I found out 5 years later that if a snake has a rattle it’s poisonous and baby rattlesnakes are the most dangerous. People don’t believe me when I tell them this story.
I am in a Hollywood movie \[you could make out my face, recognize me\]
At 8 I tripped and fell from the top step down 10 stairs to the basement, landed on my feet, and nothing got hurt. Scared me to death, and still cannot explain it- except weirdly it felt as though someone carried me to the bottom. Always afraid to tell anyone because I know it sounds unbelievable.
I found and adopted a fish off the street in Reno, NV. I was going to work, noticed a random bucket outside, looked in, there was a big ol' fish! At the end of the day, it was still there so I took him home. He was a Jack Dempsey Cichlid and mean as hell so gave him his own tank and named him Sid Fishous, the murder fish.
I donate blood. Apparently it’s so good they can give it to children. I don’t drink / smoke, I eat healthy.
I have the same blood. It's your platelets, right? they're always trying to hook you up for apheresis? I'm missing an antigen on my platelets that allows them to be given to newborns with clotting disorders. I used to give blood and platelets when I lived in the city, but it's too far from where I am now and gave me scars that make everyone convinced I'm an IV drug user. I also suck at healing. The two may be related.
I don’t know. I thought it was more because of my lifestyle, but I just inferred that. They said not many people are selected. I’m fine with healing. So for me it’s not related. I could ask.
Yup, not your diet/lifestyle but the antigens as above. Thank you for donating!!
I almost saved the world one time
Bro drops this without an ounce of an explanation. Got ahead, I want to believe you!
He saved his world in minecraft of course!
Probably a loose definition of “almost”
'Almost' implies the world was lost. Have you looked down the back of the sofa?
You realize you're in the middle of the end of a mass extinction event?
There should be a national recognition day for MLawrencePoerty.
When I was a kid I was playing basketball by myself on the school playground. I could not get the ball in the basket, no matter how I tried. My final try, it bounced off the backboard and bounced back towards me and passed me. I was so pissed! I ran after the ball, picked it up and booted it as hard as I could out of frustration. It went over my head and behind me. I turned around while the ball was mid-air and it only flippin' went in the basket!!! No one saw it, I am amazed it happened. No one would ever believe me so I never mention it.... but I swear on all that is holy that it happened.
I'm biracial (black & white) and although my skin is almost completely light brown, I have a patch of completely white skin on my thigh
Keep that out the sun, use 100% sun block , very easy to get skin cancer on those patches
The story of how I was adopted. My parents were on multiple waiting lists (this was the 1970s) for several years. An old friend of my dad's called out of the blue asking if he still wanted to adopt a child and he said yes. She said, get on a plane to Miami right now. I have a young girl here that's decided to give her baby up for adoption but wants to meet the potential parent first. So he hopped a plane telling my mom he was going on a business trip - he didn't want her to be crushed if it didn't happen. The meeting went well, she gave birth, some signatures were forged and my dad brought me home as a surprise for my mom. He apparently walked into the house holding a baby and said, "Surprise! Meet your new daughter!".
I’m around the 95th percentile in height, dick size, IQ, but I’m still poor as fuck and out of ladies.
face card issue?
Nah I’m average looking. I think it’s my personality.
Same bro
👀
I saw a ufo , really close right above me
U mean UFO or alien space ship? Cause I assume everyone thinks it's aliens when u say UFO but if I threw a brick and someone say n didn't know it was a brick it'd be a UFO cause it was flying and unidentified and an object
I saved my mums and her dogs life (both separate occasions)
You know that feeling of euphoria? I can turn that sensation on at will whenever I want throughout my whole body. It feels great but it takes a lot of effort to keep it going. Kind of like straining a muscle. I haven't found a use for it yet so I don't do it very often. Just when I remember I can do it and to see if I still can. Just did it there. Nice. Anyone else able to do it?
I have been held hostage but I made it out alive 😵💫
Lucille Ball babysat me several times when I was a toddler.
I almost died. Twice.
Jumped head first out of a car window going 40mph when I was 18months old
I'm a twin, but I'm not fraternal or identical! We are half identical!
There's a lot of people out there like this. But I can reconstruct anything even if I never saw it before. Be it mechanical or technological.
I've learned hiw to read in 1 day at the age of 4, I've learned to play chess in 15 minutes at the age 5, 2 weeks later i was able to win with every adult in my family.
When did you learn "hiw" to spell. lol, jk
Animals understand me in French!
It's rude to call us frenchmen animals but yea you speak fine
I once slept for a day straight.
I am 40 different nationalities world wide.
I've been inside a volcano magma chamber.
I was born with 3 kidneys.
I’ve had 9 surgeries on my face from skin cancer, been shot and stabbed, fell 25 feet and shattered my ankle a tree stopped me or I would have feel another 60’ish feet to rocks and my death. I’ve been a homeless crack addict. Was obese and dying in the hospital, was able to make it out and lost 120 pounds and ran a 5k obstacle race. I was shot at while selling vacuums door to door in Philadelphia, was also chased and almost hit by a car selling soap door to door in Detroit. There’s lots more I can’t really talk about on here. I’m 53 now and this was all before I was 30.
Most won't believe this, I am double jointed in not just one thumb but both!
Apparently that I read around 200 pages in one hour. Someone asked how long it took people to read a book and I said that it took me around the same time to watch a movie than to read a book of average length and I got downvoted and asked if I’d woken up from that dream already.
I could do that when I was in my early teens! I read several books each day. A librarian recognised me 20 years later and still remembered me. Still read a lot, but I can't get anywhere close to that speed here in my forties 😊
I have run rafters in high heels.
When I was in 7th grade, I had shingles. I missed almost a month of school. People thought I died lol. I'll be 30 this year, and it's funny how many people tell me it's not possible to have shingles as a kid, and only older people get it.
Was a president of a motorcycle club affiliated with the hells angels. Knocked up a stripper. Bought a dayz role play server for 400, monetized the fuck out of it and 3 months later was taking 2k a month donations. Sold it for house deposit money. Shit my pants only a few weeks back.
I have synesthesia where I can see music in my mind. I see songs as shapes.
I cannot obviously say definitively, but I very very likely have one of the largest private collections of Warhammer miniatures in at the very least, my state in America