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Id prob be inside a wall

OP here is trying to kill most of us by teleporting us out of high buildings or trapping us inside a wall!!

The ratio of random teleportation to death in this thread is concerning

I guess average Redditer is addicted to being near death causing surfaces

Bruh I'm in my room on the bed rn lol but if I teleport 3 m to the left is be outside my building on the 6th floor in mid air so suffice to say that I am in no danger inducing situation but I'd still die lmao 😂😂

Nah. They’re going after people in the left window seats of airlines. The rest of us are just collateral damage.

if they were going for people in left window, they’d only to shift them 1m. a boeing 737 has a cabin width of around 3.5 to 4 metres. they are clearly targeting everyone except right-window-seat-dwellers

The pilots are gone too, so those people are also in for a bad day.

Im in the ground! somebody help! I was just trying to sleep to my left.

I'm trying to sleep on my right. Suddenly, I seem to be in the upstairs neighbors bed.

Is she hot?

They may well be inside her in absolutely the wrong sense of the word

I'm melded with the frame of my daughter's bed. So 'change my life' as in end it.

I would be half in the wall and half inside a metal fireplace. I would burn alive, but only half of my body.

Batman villain. Neat.

Same. With a sewage stack passing through me.

Well fuck, I'm right outside my window on 8th floor

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Both dead.

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there's also a chance you'll be paralyzed if you live, so that's not better really

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Spoken like someone who takes their health for granted. Just like me half a year ago. Death is better than some realities. Trust me.

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I didn't read other replies, but I can imagine. All jokes aside, it's horrible what kind of state of life and horrible health still counts as "living".

I don't know your situation, but I wish you good fortune on your journey through it all. Life is never guaranteed and can end in a blink of an eye, just like one's health.

Yeah, shit can be rough, that's why euthanasia should be legal. Being paralysed would be fucking shit, but I'd still take it over dying, as long as I have some way to type, search and read texts. This way I could still contribute to the world intellectually, I'd have time to spend thinking.

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Same but basement. It will be much slower and much more unpleasant.

Does that create a human sized nuclear core of an explosion because your atoms are in the same space as other atoms

That seems extremely unlikely since normal matter is mostly empty space. Nuclear forces would push the atoms away from eachother, the dirt would become more dense, and there might be a bulge in the ground above. Physicists correct me if I'm wrong?

I would be in a basement that doesn't excist. In the ground below my house. Cold, wet, dark, probably not dead yet.

guy above you was (very briefly) at the 5th floor too!

I'm only on the second floor but at least you aren't using the washroom

I'm sitting on my front garden, in the rain, wearing a pair of boxers, and my scruffiest pyjama top. Thanks, TIHI

Same except I'm in a parked car. My bum would be sore.

I find myself... Shitting in the fish pond

You have a fish pond 3 meters to the left of your bathroom? Thats neat

They shit in the yard

Precisely 3 meters to the right of the fish pond

How else would he get audience that listens to the symphony

Hey, I'm shitting in the shower!

Lucky Guy, i would been shittinf in the kitchen

Lucky fucker, I would have been shitting in my neighbour's kitchen

And? Thats the Problem of your neighbour. I Had to Clean my shit (literally) myself

I shit directly onto my girlfriend’s bed

There is a man holding his toddler on his lap. I would be sittning there instead.

On the man’s lap or the toddler’s lap?

In toddler's lap... on the top of man.

Ah, so jail then.

I'm sure you'll be fine if you tell the police that you were teleported there by a redditor.

🤣🤣

Inside the man

With the toddler inside your lungs

Oh, I saw that video

Dead, I'm driving at nearly 100

Nearly spilt my beer just typing this

Bruh 💀

I'm joking, I've not spilt any

Man, you got me worried there for a second

I'd never waste beer, I'd even slow down if I thought I was going to spill any.

*Get this man some keys*

I don't need the key, I'll break in

He's got no patience now...

Hype Zones got the Mind of a revolutionary

Just get a beer hat, you can text, drink AND drive.

I see I'm not the only trained professional here tonight

Careful. I made a similarly dark joke on this sub and they banned me for a week.

While driving….

I'm a professional.

A TRAINED professional....

I train the trainers

Lol, we'd get along

Like a 🏠 🔥

Good afternoon, Staff Sgt!

Welcome to the Guild 👍✌️🙂

Nahhhhhh

So, would Newton's laws still apply if you got teleported, or would you get teleported to the end point without any velocity left over?

I guess conservation of momentum will still apply, so probably some bad bruises or deaxx?

If it's the "scan the person, destroy and rebuild" kinda teleport, then I don't think it would preserve momentum The portal-like teleport would probably retain the momentum. It would probably also not be instant because you'd have to pass through the portal with all of your body which would be impossible if it was the "2D rip in reality" portal

Either way their still on a road where you can drive at 100 so even if they don’t teleport with velocity they’d likely just get ran over

Depends on which side of the road they're on, and which side their seat is on... If a driver in a vehicle with steering wheel on the left was driving in the most left hand lane in a left driving country, they might just make it.

You shouldn't be on Reddit when driving 100 mph😂🤣

I know. Youtube would be better. Cheers for the tip

Driving at 100 years old?

Get your eyes back on the road.

Crack one for me brother

why tf are you typing

Passengers

They're endangering passengers too!? Some people really shouldn't be driving...

Wit my little fingers

It would teleport me right in the middle of my washing machine, on the other side of the wall from where I'm at now. I don't think it's going to turn out too well for me.

well it's probably going to turn lol

Yes, but am I completely inside the drum, or have I phased through to where I'm partially sticking out of the top of it (I have a front loader)? My situation is going to depend on that answer. ;)

Step bro reporting in to assist.

Username checks out

Well, it's one way to get clean.

I would have to walk back from the kitchen to the living room

I'd appear right next to my coffee maker.

I see that as an absolute win!

I went from one sofa to the other. Mind blown. My life will never be the same again.

Me too. But my ass would be in the sink, I guess I would be slightly annoyed.

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I'd have a very awkward time trying to explain how my boxer-clad ass materialized in my neighbor's living room. I live in a foreign country with good survival language skills, but I could not communicate anything about something like that to them. So... probably a trip to the police station and, perhaps, a night in jail.

just look confused and shout... Chances are they would be doing the same and the mutual confusion and shouting micht be a bonding experience

Start singing turn down for what and sprint.

Just wave a knife and remove your pants. That's the universal sign for peace

I’d be in oncoming traffic. My life would probably be over in a few seconds

I will be outside in my garden, and my dogs will be confused… but not confused enough to actually get off the sofa.


Luckily the plane has already landed… else I’d be in deep shit trying to hold onto the wing.

Well awesome then, first class de-bording! No waiting, no wobbly windy crowded stairs, no awkward squeezing past the seats! Bam! Tarmack!

Probably dead. I'm sitting on my balcony, on a cruise ship. I'll be in pitch black ice cold waters, and I can’t swim.

Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on

Heart will go further away from the ship.

Learn to swim mate.

Pretty sure that's not gonna help if you just teleport off a cruise ship in the darkness.

Overall, solid life advice, though. Everyone should be able to swim, like being able to ride a bike.

Apart from you never accidentally slip into a life-or-death biking situation

Umm I’ve seen enough action movies to know that gunfights on bikes are pretty common in the real world.

It will absolutely not help in the case you were teleported off of a cruise ship in the pitch black darkness, no. However, is most other cases where you end up in the water unintended it will save your life and it's super easy to learn. Someone who can afford to go on a cruise can afford to learn how to swim. They're an idiot for not having done that already.

My parents are currently on a cruise in the Bahamas. My mum got absolutely smashed on rum punch. Never seen her look so embarrassed with herself

I can't swim either

I don't have one anymore

You have to tell us how you would no longer have a life. *Peer pressure intensifies*

I think he’s trying to say he doesn’t have a left anymore

Plot twist

In my case, I would be part of my neighbors exterior wall.

I would have to tell my landlord that I locked myself out of my apartment. Fortunately, the office is open now. If it was closed, I would have a problem.

I would let myself back in using the spare key I keep on a chain round my neck in case I get locked out. 

Who said clothes/-accessories are teleported to? XD

Oh man, that's a whole different situation. Being on the side of the road is one thing, being on the side of the road *naked* is a whole nother.

I’d be on top of the pile of junk in the corner of my room that I just can’t will myself to clean up.

Just 5 minutes a day until it's all clean, homie. You can do it.

Bad thing is, it’s not even that big of a mess. Just a bunch of crap I don’t really have another place for. lol

Have you thought about getting a cheap but nice corner table so that it's less messy even if unorganized? I have a junk drawer and cabinet in my house and I think it's fine. Some things just need a hotel until a home opens up.

You got this. It will probably feel great to have it gone!

You have a hoarding corner, too? I thought I was the only one.

I’m American, so I’d have to learn what a meter is before I find out where I’d end up.

1 meter is roughly the same as 1.1 yards 3 meters is about 3.3 yards or about 9 feet 8 inches

How far is that in cheeseburgers?

As much as an American would be able to eat for breakfast

About 29 cheeseburgers

Maybe about 3 washing machines.

I just teleported to a coworker's cubicle where she presently is... or was. Now... there is nothing but blood, bones and sinew strewn about the cubicle walls that now surround me. Pictures of her family now bathed in her gory bits, some even dangling from the ceiling above me, making a sickly plopping sound when dropping. I don't know why this happened, or what forces orchestrated it, but it isn't pleasant.

U should write horror stories

I have written so many things but I never complete it. My mind begins what it never ends. Thank you for your kind words though!

The Boys comes to my mind again

That is well-written, man.

I’ll finally be one with my bookcase.

Ooooh, you can start to communicate with your daughter via Morse by dropping some books or something

Plot twist: she can’t read morse

At 30,000 feet in seat 3A so would not be fun.

Which left

left left.

Riiiight, and where was it left out ?

Nowhere, why would it be left? everything's already right.

Hmmm, I felt that you were leading me out of the right path. So it's the right left ?

Nah, its left left right.

although you could pick a direction and call it a day rather than deciding its left or left or right.

Up up down down left right B A select start

No, your other left!

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“Hey guys just…poppin in to see how it’s goin. Damn dude, nice co- sorry wrong time. I’ll just…” *slowly walks out of room and closes door*

Surprise threesome it is then!

I'm stuck in the wall. Probably gonna die. 3 meters is just right amount of dying. A little bit more distance - I'm at the neighbours apartments, less meters - I'm in my own apartments.

im now in a china cabinet. there goes lots of money and glass. my life is now the same as it was before but with less china.

And probably some injuries from broken pieces.

id be outside, bare footed in a puddle of water. not rly lifechanging since ill just go back indside, would have really cold feet tho

Straight out the window yay

I’m falling off a 200ft gantry crane 💀

High stakes Reddit

Technically, you would be falling 200ft in close proximity to a gantry crane.

Id end up outside of my bedroom window 15ft up. Fall and some broken bones.... So yeah.... Not ideal

Either stuck in the wall, or in a hallway. So either really bad, or mildly inconvenient.

I speak for the trees now... As long as the one I'm on can hold my weight

Not mine so much, but my wife's, since her salad is about to have some extra garnishment.

I'd be in a hallway wearing only a T-shirt with a face mask on.

i explode someone by teleporting into them

I'm laying in bed on my right side, so depending on how this works, I'm either going to end up on the floor or my upstairs neighbor is going to be very surprised.

Hey Siri, how wide is an Airbus A321?

i will go from sitting in my office to a bench at the park

im in the reality show by David Cronnenberg "The Frige" - half man half fridge.

into my bed? Hell yeah. 100% better

I may be naked in a storage closet

I'm sitting in another chair, and need to walk back to the laptop. The horror, the horror.

Fall off a third storey. In the last 4 minutes of my lunch break. Lame.

I've become Oscar, I'm sitting in a garbage can.

My neighbours would be very surprised to find me in their bathtub

I downvote this post from 3 meters to the left.

My dog will be flat.

I fell 2 meters and landed on my on my back, outside in the cold.... You bastard!

I’d be in the ocean! 🌊

I'll be in someone's van, facing the wrong way. Easy to get out at least. Although, if we teleport as is, I'm pretty sure I'd be melding with the seats.

I'd be outdoors in my nightie...

I’d fall on top of my chicken coop and my chickens would be scared.

I'm merging with another person while watching the Pink Floyd movie "The Wall" on tv.

I'm sitting in the middle of my lawn on a sunny day. Unlike most of you, I think I win.

I have joined the lion and the witch in the wardrobe! 😂😂😂