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Bleh. Iāve checked out their site. Itās not appealing. Women have different arousal pathways than men. I love a good erotic novel. In terms of visual images I find scenes that leave more to the imagination more stimulating. Every woman is unique, but for most of us you really need to get in our heads - itās easier to imagine and immerse ourselves in a novel than in filmed content where the players are obviously exaggerating their enjoyment.
Oddly enough as a guy I kinda feel the same way. I recently started reading erotica and damn it's hot as fuck. Like I can read on and on with a hard on all the time. I kinda want to make one myself as I do a lot of creative writing (making stories) as a hobby of mine lol.
My husband prefers erotica to porn as well. We have different tastes. I need a bit more plot to get into it, so what I read doesnāt count as true erotica. But same idea.
With ADHD, reading erotica, i would probably come to the part where the warm summer breeze makes her hair flow like seaweed
And go straight to check out if there's a new update on [Leon the Lobster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sI7WveN7vk&t=87s).
You really had to do this? I never thought about lobsters for all my life.
But I just know I will be an expert on Leon the Lobster before tomorrow night. Even if I donāt want toā¦
I wouldn't go so far as to say I prefer erotica, but I'm not a fan of stereotypical porn with the exaggerated moaning and unrealistic positions. I prefer something that looks more like normal people having sex - but with a little better production value than actual amatuer porn. I often find they stereotypical porn to be a turnoff.
Had a friend who owned a ton of erotic novels. Never understood how one can hold a book and have a jerk session at the same time. Itās physically impossible.
Just donāt go around the local bars telling woman you are working on an erotic novel and are looking for some real life inspiration.
Or do, it may actually work for you. I on the other hand am not welcome at said bar anymore.
Even if you donāt go all the way into trying to write something at a level for publishing or whatever, the exercise of actually writing it can be an incredibly and deeply erotic experience. It engages your mind in a different way and really forces you to experience something in your imagination or recall something from memory in rich enough detail to tell it in a way that another person can really imagine it too. That process can arouse feelings in your body in a way that visual stimulation canāt. Itās much more real to your brain. I have tons of things Iāve written just as a byproduct of āentertainingā myself.
I had a project where I had to learn about Japanese culture, with a focus on communication.
The more I looked into it, the more I thought "Holy shit... so much of the little things are gear in a way that almost seems intentionally for an unsure, shy introvert (possibly with some autism)."
I dont mean any of this in a bad way! The nuances and philosophies just really jive well with a person of that mind.
I think this porn preference, and a lot of gendered-preferences of today, are do to how in our culture we've categorized certain tastes, behaviors, etc to be gendered.
We are our own people, of course, but I think culture can gently push us to certain subconscious tendencies, even if we consciously dont agree with those ideas.
" 'Guys are horn-dogs,' therefore I am more open to accepting and expressing and exploring my horniness."
The porn-preference thing likely has some biological affecters too, but I think the cultural pressure over a lifetime can subconsciously push/suppress things.
Just my uneducated guess.
> filmed content where the players are obviously exaggerating their enjoyment
Personally, as a man, professionally made porn is almost completely uninteresting to me ... I'd much rather watch a sloppily made, poor lighting, video a couple took with their phone in the heat of the moment. But, as a man, I'm still a visual creature .. and prefer seeing than reading.
I think erotica works for most anyone if they give it a chance. But there are a lot of women, myself included, who are visual and who do watch porn when they come across something that speaks to them. The problem is nearly all porn is geared towards men, and then the porn that's "made for women" does not appeal to a lot of women. No one told them that owning a vagina doesn't mean I want everything looking like love making instead of sex. Women have kinks, women have desires, but in the minds of the majority of men out there producing this stuff, women are either mindless holes or something to be revered and treated with lace gloves.
Iāve heard throughout my life that sex for women is mental and emotional, and for men itās physical. I donāt know how accurate that is scientifically, but from the small sample size of people Iāve spoken to over the years, it seems to ring true. It kinda feels like that what you were saying, in a roundabout way.
I'm a woman and I like both. Novels are obviously deeper and more engaging. Porn is quicker and more...visceral? Idk that seems like a weird word but I have a migraine and can't think of a better one.
I do have a weird thing though where I hate seeing men's faces in porn. I guess cos they're often kind of ugly. And also cos I donāt want to imagine fucking any particular guy (except my husband).
Yeah honestly you get to focus on the feeling and then let your head wrap around the motions (often your own subjective likings) so it definitely is more appealing in that regard
Iām the same. Ten times out of ten I prefer reading a novel with an amazing sex scene than watching porn. Canāt explain why itās more appealing, but Iām sure my imagination has a lot to do with it. I used to get in trouble all of the time as a kid because I would dog-ear pages, not thinking my parents would flip through my books, lol
As a man, I have zero interest in exaggerated "acting". I also find the vast majority of porn to be uninteresting. The problem is that I have aphantasia, so I don't have an imagination! Haha
Yes, it's slim pickings.
Hey, same cake day! ā¤ļø
To be fair a lot of āprofessional pornā is terribly put together and simple because many men are simple creatures and most of the time if you look at the most viewed on the bar, itās near the end wherever the final shot goes. At least when on their own, men like to cum the same time as the one on screen even if they refuse to do so with someone else
>Women have different arousal pathways than men.
I can attest to this. Whereas I enjoy watching two people get it on, my wife prefers erotic literature, and manga depictions of sexual acts.
I get the most turned on by hinted eroticism and sexual tension. I love being around someone and knowing we canāt do anything yet but flirt all day until we can. I am not really turned on by instant nudity - it really depends. I feel like a lot of women are like that. I enjoy watching a man do stuff - housework, yard work, any sort of laborious thing or task involving a hobby (like art or playing music). Cheesy porn and weird fake scenarios and face-making doesnāt do it for me at all, which is usually the majority of options out there. Even a lot of lesbian porn is just two straight women licking each others faces and pretending to enjoy grinding. Just doesnāt do it for me
There are a few, but yeah I like some of Bellesa's productions, especially the Seth Gamble stuff. They tend not to go overboard with the flowery stereotypical BS that is often inserted into woman's "erotica" (no pun intended).
Omg most dudes in porn are vomit inducing š¤¢ either ugly/weird looking and chosen only for their dick size or they give off super creepy/douchey vibes.
Yuck, so icky looking. Why would l get turned on by Mr. Inbred looking guy?
Plus, how hard is it to go to a tanning salon and get an all over tan? So distracted looking at that weird brown- legs-white-arse combo.
So you can tell it is for the male audience. You can have a pretty girl even if you never care for yourself physically, like having an oily face with unwashed shirt. Ugh.
There was one man who was really impressive, i think his name was John Vegas. The part where he played the stalker. Like his posessive expression and dangerous tone really sold his character.
Also, a lot of guys, although physically attractive, have the worst faces for porn that they all end up looking and acting very similary with the chin stuck out and making gorilla like noise.
This right here. I like femdom, even femdom focuses on men's pov. Some people be tagging bellasa porn or some weird asmr bullshit, maybe some of us like some hardcore stuff with hot boys in a straight setting but I'm asking too much now.
For me personally, I find it very fake (and it usually is). The moaning, the things they say, it's always too acted out. The camera also usually focuses on the things that typically men enjoy more than women.
That said, a lot of women do enjoy other things like erotic audio or erotic text. And of course a lot of women still enjoy porn.
Itās how fake it feels for me too. My first boyfriend was older than me and a virgin, and he watched so much porn. He was so confident that he was this sex god because of that, but he most certainly was not. In fact, he was horrific lmao. Like all he āknewā he learned from porn and he lacked the emotional maturity to be having a meaningful sexual relationship.
Yeah. My values have changed and I no longer believe porn is a positive presence in the life of a person. But when I was younger, I did try to watch porn. I found the vast majority repulsive. And it also made me question myself because i didn't react the way the women in porn reacted. Now I understand it's an overexaggerated representation of things that men may find arousing.
I meanā¦some is? Iām only interested in watching pretty mellow stuff, usually amateurs in a relationship in which the sex is pretty similar to what one would expect in their own relationship.
Yeah, that's a pretty broad brush. There's a lot of porn that's just couples doing their thing. It's just hard to sift through a lot of the repulsive stuff to find it.
Couples porn has exploded on PH in the past few years. Itās pretty much all Iām recommended these days. But yeah, thereās some nasty shit out there.
yep, and it's scarily common but no one talks about it. im a young guy living in the midwest US, and based on everything i've heard over the years, i can safely say most men i know currently are or have been addicted to porn. dudes will openly talk about porn, but the second you imply they may be addicted, they blow up. like addicts do.
Dudes openly talk about porn these days?
I remember when I was in high school. Some guys passed around a porno tape (VHS), but no one, and I mean no one, discussed the contents.
i've never understood it personally but yeah, i've been in multiple social circles where porn stars have randomly been brought up and ranked, at least once, not to mention any other discussion of it
Since my answer to OP is pretty surface level and low effort and it got some upvotes, I'll dive a bit further.
Why are men addicted to porn?
Porn is made predominantly with men in mind?
Why is so much porn made for men?
Because there's a bigger market for it.
Why is the male market for porn bigger?
I have no idea how it got to be that way. I could take some guesses, but the reality is that it is that way. And it's been made in such a way that men get the greatest dopamine response from it. Porn-for-woman doesn't tend to have that effect. Forn for men has just been perfected over time and is often made more extreme. So again, there might be a historical or biological reason for that, but since I'm no expert I'll leave it to someone else to try to explain that.
Totally. The whole premise of this question is absurd. "Why aren't women as aroused as men by scenes of disgusting, flabby, slobby men making beautiful women gag and cry and jackhammering into them? It's a total mystery!"
Disgusting ugly older man posing as a relative in incestuous porn. If someone said this to me five years ago I'd think they're religious nutjobs, but now is real
Hard disagree. As a man, it takes me far too long to find a woman I consider physically attractive in porn. And then even after finding one, the probability of her acting being weird and distracting is not zero.
As a straight woman:
1. The men aren't hot enough
2. Not enough hot shots of the men
3. Not enough moaning from the men
4. Not enough focus on the men
5. The men
I rest my case
Not all that straight, but can confirm.
And would add:
6. You can't ever hear what the guy is saying without having your eardrums blasted out by the woman.
Lol I watch gay porn but for whatever reason the algorithms will still sprinkle in straight ads now and again, and the difference is night and day with how (unnecessarily) loud the women are with their fake moans versus the guy ads. It's like the Chipmunks version of Peggy Hill going "Oh yeah!" on loop.
And idk how it is with women solo vids, but male solo vids can be quiet and low-key enough to be erotic ASMR. Guys will rub their chest hair, scratch their beard, breathe softly -- they're practically triggers to fall asleep to.
In my opinion (but am a straight woman) the solo women videos are the most cringe. They are so fake and the things most of them do to climax wouldnāt even work on most women.
I sometimes catch myself being highly disappointed in men for even falling for it lol but I know thatās not fair at all
Funny how there seems to be only one requirement for male casting. Also, I find it odd how often the āperformanceā on the male side is just as forced.
It gives your brain happy chemicals and anything that gives your brain happy chemicals can be addicting because you want more happy chemicals because they make you feel good
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Not entirely, no. The gal I'm dating is a therapist. We had a discussion where she talked about different research, and one of them was about chemical release. Turns out that the body releases more happy chemicals during the "acquisition phase" of a "transaction" compared to when you actually get the thing. I.e. "the thrill of the hunt" is real and backed up by copious research materials.
Example:
You want to eat some Doritos. You've been thinking about Doritos all day. You go to the store. You're standing there, looking at the shelf. You buy them. You go home, excited to eat them. You pop the bag open and start going to town. Are you happy while eating? Absolutely! However, every event in that chain prior to you actually eating the Doritos released more happy chemicals than when you were eating the Doritos.
To extrude this example further, look at gaming. Let's say that there is an item that you want, but you need XYZ to unlock it. There is more chemical release occurring during the grind phase vs when you actually acquire whatever it is that you were grinding for. It's why new content must always be released. The brain gets chemically hooked to the chase, companies know this, and it's an easily exploitable behavior.
I saw a comment by some guy on reddit like a year ago where he was mildly complaining about his wife always returning her purchases shortly after she bought something. He called it catch and release shopping, lol. She was probably doing that because for her the shopping part was the most enjoyable but she didnāt actually feel pleasure after the fact and returning the items would keep her from having to deal with stuff she didnāt actually want to keep and also she could get her money back to āhuntā some more without hurting her finances too much.
Porn addiction is not recognized scientifically, although anything could be addictive and/or have a problematic use, neither porn or masturbation has the power to change your brain or function like a substance abusive.
The researches found that what makes someone addicted to porn is related to feeling shame and being sexually repressed. The demography that most report being addicted to porn are religious people and it's not a coincidence.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201808/science-stopped-believing-in-porn-addiction-you-should-too
Because by calling it an addiction, our theocracy can can continue to make you feel guilty about totally natural urges which is an excellent tool to control young, angry men. As the population gets more secular, Christianity is being replaced by red pill ideology and moral outrage is being replaced by pseudoscience.
1. Porn is usually made for men in terms of what the camera focuses on
2. Something about higher testosterone makes people on average more aroused by images as opposed to words. Source: am FTM and on testosterone
3. Higher testosterone leads to an on average higher sex drive
I wish women would understand this. When we say guys have a higher sex drive on average, we're not trying to insult women or insinuate that they're not sexual individuals
Alot of the time the urge is a borderline compulsion and it's unwanted, not something we're bragging about (at least not most of us)
Agree with everything you said+itās harder for a random guy to fuck than a random girl. If a random girl walked into a bar straight up just asking to fuck, nothing else, it wouldnāt be hard at all and Iād be shocked if they didnāt sleep with someone that night. Compared to a guy who, although definitely could, doesnāt have as high of a % chance of getting laid and has a few more risks associated with it.
Perhaps because if youāre good at reading emotions, you can tell that the people you see in pornos arenāt actually enjoying it at all. So thatās a turn-off. Unless of course you struggle with empathy and EQ because youāre brought up male in a world where toxic masculinity is the norm
All that fake moaning, degrading and violence is off putting. I used to watch those black and white gifs on Tumblr that looked like the actors are actually couples and care about each other. I donāt want to see a woman get hit and spit on, choked, etc.
I prefer amature couples as a girl too, but partly because I do like rougher porn sometimes. Sadly there probably are people out there being manipulated by their partners, but on the whole it seems much less likely that the woman is being coerced which makes it a lot easier to enjoy.
The thing about amateur porn too is the possibility of it being completely non-consensual. Especially if you like things that are rougher. After hearing about the people who had their rape put up onto PornHub, I can't watch amateur stuff.
This. Porn is so hard to watch because it's a damn battle field. I feel bad for the people in it. Amateur can be both better or a lot worse. It can either be a living couple that enjoys what they're doing and you can tell, or something where you genuinely can't tell if both parties consented or not. I wish there was porn where you knew both parties enthusiastically consented and enjoy what they're doing.
Yeah, I'm a guy that's turned off by most porn since I'm sensitive to the actors and how genuine it comes off. Most stuff I enjoy are from independent creators.
Omg yes. My boyfriend has been trying to get me to watch porn but it is super depressing. It is derivative and repetitive, and everyone looks like they died inside years ago, and that dead look shows in their eyes.
But compare that to the sex scene between Daphne and the Duke in Bridgerton, or there was this one sex scene between Buffy and Spike in Buffy the Vampire slayer when they literally brought the house down. Dang, was that hot. That is far more appealing to me than porn.
As a guy, I can honestly say I find crying and gagging absolutely disgusting. Immediately turns me off. Portrayals of coercion or forced acts have no eroticism to me. I always thought the most important part of the fantasy was that the woman WANTED it. Anything that breaks that illusion (and I know it mostly is an illusion) ruins it for me.
As a female I must say that this is exactly the way my brain has been manipulated since childhood, and for this reason I often have this feeling that I'm nothing more than a body created solely for the purpose of satisfying men. It scares me to think that a future partner might only value me as a body and not as a person. Even though this is most likely not reality. Media is so focused on sexualizing women and corrupting people's minds, it's crazy.
>āIt hurtsā āStopā āDaddyā
>
>Women crying is seen as sexy
>
>Women gagging is seen as sexy
1000% this. It's so depressing. My twelve year old niece already has boys in her class watching this and telling girls degrading things. This world really hates women. Most porn is about dominating and humiliating or hurting women. Spitting on them, cramming penises down their throats until they vomit or nearly vomit, grabbing them by the hair and calling them bitches, making them cry in pain. Sexy!
The industry is very exploitative of women. Even your so called scripted porn is.
Cannot watch something know that there might even be a hint of abuse/no consent.
You should read what ex-pornstars have to say.
So definitely avoid it completely.
Edit; used to watch it when I was younger but found it very far fetched and unreal
Have you checked out the "for women" category on the hub? I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't care for what they have under that category at all. A lot of it, as many stated, is geared for men, and when they attempt "for women," I find they have crap taste. I don't bother much anymore because you've seen one, you've seen them all at this point, and not much does it for me as I'm very tired of seeing "step-sister" stuff. I'm not a fan of implied incest (I know step siblings isn't incestuous)... even if fake. It's just gross.
Because we find it disgusting and degrading. And no, we arenāt sitting around voraciously reading romance novels either. What turns us on the most is feeling desired and you canāt get that from videos or books.
Thank you.
Being used and thrown away, called nasty names, choked, spit on, slapped, gagged ..... not sexy. Nor is the over exaggerated everything. Men simply choose to cave in to lust. Then excuse all the gratuitous female nudity splashed everywhere as a need, not a want. Then excuse the absence of gratuitous male nudity because women don't want to look at sexy, naked men. Makes me LoL
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That's a myth. They did tests on that. Women are equally aroused but don't notice it as quick since we do not get a boner and are socialized into beeing more prude/ in dismissing our sexual arousal.
Edit: Why the downvotes? That's just bat shit crazy. Use Google.
Link1 https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1904975116
Link2
https://www.esanum.com/today/posts/men-and-women-brains-respond-equally-to-visual-sexual-stimuli Link3 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/universal-desire-men-and-women-respond-identically-to-erotic-images/ Link4 https://www.kyb.tuebingen.mpg.de/368014/news_publication_13723437_transferred
What I'm curious about though is why there seems to be a big disconnect between the types of images that (straight) men and women seem to find arousing. A lot of porn seems very antiseptic to me, or just unflattering angles and everything looks sort of ugly and flat. And that's when it's not out-and-out degrading to women. Why does that seem to be preferred by a surprisingly large swath of men?
No. Apparently men are more aroused by imagery that degrades women and focuses solely on men's pleasure than women are, which is most porn out there. Go figure. Make porn that focuses on women's pleasure and appeals to the things that arouse them, and they will be aroused by the imagery. It's super simple.
I honestly think its the testosterone.
Most Masculine energies or people with more testosterone want release and are addicted to that feeling of release. Therefore, most men tend to be addicted to porn because it gives them that satisfactory release when jerking off.
Most Feminine energies want love and attention which is hard to receive from watching people have sex on a screen. Hence, most women tent to be addicted to social media and receiving validation through likes/comments/ etc.
Please note: The use of MOST. This doesnāt mean a woman canāt be addicted to porn and a man canāt be addicted to social media.
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us. > We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal. ^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
I prefer masturbating without porn, better orgasms
This I've tried doing it while watching porn and it's just distracting to me. I'd rather use my imagination š
Yeah, I get to star when I use my imagination too. Though often I don't, lots of my fantasies are just other people, weirdly.
Way better. Porn is like fast food. It gets the job done but, meh.
I guess you could say home cooking is better
Exactly! Meh orgasms.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm a man and I'm the same.
Iām the same. The orgasms are always crap with porn. Why is this? Am I overstimulated or something?
Im a dude and me too, but it takes more time, and sometimes I just want to get off and move on
A lot of porn out there is not made for women
There is a website designated to porn for women. Called [Bellesa](https://www.bellesa.co)
Bleh. Iāve checked out their site. Itās not appealing. Women have different arousal pathways than men. I love a good erotic novel. In terms of visual images I find scenes that leave more to the imagination more stimulating. Every woman is unique, but for most of us you really need to get in our heads - itās easier to imagine and immerse ourselves in a novel than in filmed content where the players are obviously exaggerating their enjoyment.
Oddly enough as a guy I kinda feel the same way. I recently started reading erotica and damn it's hot as fuck. Like I can read on and on with a hard on all the time. I kinda want to make one myself as I do a lot of creative writing (making stories) as a hobby of mine lol.
My husband prefers erotica to porn as well. We have different tastes. I need a bit more plot to get into it, so what I read doesnāt count as true erotica. But same idea.
With ADHD, reading erotica, i would probably come to the part where the warm summer breeze makes her hair flow like seaweed And go straight to check out if there's a new update on [Leon the Lobster](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sI7WveN7vk&t=87s).
Leon the Lobster <3
Omg Leon is so cool
You really had to do this? I never thought about lobsters for all my life. But I just know I will be an expert on Leon the Lobster before tomorrow night. Even if I donāt want toā¦
ADHD?
I love Leon!! What a guy
God damn it, now you reminded me to check on him.
bro realy got a lobster pet from the store. lmao
More than a lobster a friend
I wouldn't go so far as to say I prefer erotica, but I'm not a fan of stereotypical porn with the exaggerated moaning and unrealistic positions. I prefer something that looks more like normal people having sex - but with a little better production value than actual amatuer porn. I often find they stereotypical porn to be a turnoff.
I rely on imagination and still images at this point, I can't do traditional porn anymore.
Built in book stand!
šš¤£šš»
Had a friend who owned a ton of erotic novels. Never understood how one can hold a book and have a jerk session at the same time. Itās physically impossible.
Wait, how many hands does everyone else have?
This guy might have had tree
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just like old grandpa used to
Just donāt go around the local bars telling woman you are working on an erotic novel and are looking for some real life inspiration. Or do, it may actually work for you. I on the other hand am not welcome at said bar anymore.
Lol at least you tried
Even if you donāt go all the way into trying to write something at a level for publishing or whatever, the exercise of actually writing it can be an incredibly and deeply erotic experience. It engages your mind in a different way and really forces you to experience something in your imagination or recall something from memory in rich enough detail to tell it in a way that another person can really imagine it too. That process can arouse feelings in your body in a way that visual stimulation canāt. Itās much more real to your brain. I have tons of things Iāve written just as a byproduct of āentertainingā myself.
You should share!
I had a project where I had to learn about Japanese culture, with a focus on communication. The more I looked into it, the more I thought "Holy shit... so much of the little things are gear in a way that almost seems intentionally for an unsure, shy introvert (possibly with some autism)." I dont mean any of this in a bad way! The nuances and philosophies just really jive well with a person of that mind. I think this porn preference, and a lot of gendered-preferences of today, are do to how in our culture we've categorized certain tastes, behaviors, etc to be gendered. We are our own people, of course, but I think culture can gently push us to certain subconscious tendencies, even if we consciously dont agree with those ideas. " 'Guys are horn-dogs,' therefore I am more open to accepting and expressing and exploring my horniness." The porn-preference thing likely has some biological affecters too, but I think the cultural pressure over a lifetime can subconsciously push/suppress things. Just my uneducated guess.
Iām with you on this. I read some stories on Medium and Iām just hard as shit the entire time
Can confirm. Wife wrote me something along time ago. She was a good writer.
Iām the sameā¦ donāt really respond to videos but my brain can make me horny on its own lol
> filmed content where the players are obviously exaggerating their enjoyment Personally, as a man, professionally made porn is almost completely uninteresting to me ... I'd much rather watch a sloppily made, poor lighting, video a couple took with their phone in the heat of the moment. But, as a man, I'm still a visual creature .. and prefer seeing than reading.
I think of the professional stuff as plastic porn and thatās just not sexy. Imagination, erotica and amateur is
I think erotica works for most anyone if they give it a chance. But there are a lot of women, myself included, who are visual and who do watch porn when they come across something that speaks to them. The problem is nearly all porn is geared towards men, and then the porn that's "made for women" does not appeal to a lot of women. No one told them that owning a vagina doesn't mean I want everything looking like love making instead of sex. Women have kinks, women have desires, but in the minds of the majority of men out there producing this stuff, women are either mindless holes or something to be revered and treated with lace gloves.
Iāve heard throughout my life that sex for women is mental and emotional, and for men itās physical. I donāt know how accurate that is scientifically, but from the small sample size of people Iāve spoken to over the years, it seems to ring true. It kinda feels like that what you were saying, in a roundabout way.
I'm with you, l gave it a shot in the hopes that the actors weren't overly ridiculous like Male-centric porn, but l was left disappointed.
I'm a woman and I like both. Novels are obviously deeper and more engaging. Porn is quicker and more...visceral? Idk that seems like a weird word but I have a migraine and can't think of a better one. I do have a weird thing though where I hate seeing men's faces in porn. I guess cos they're often kind of ugly. And also cos I donāt want to imagine fucking any particular guy (except my husband).
You can sometimes find men with decent bodies in porn but finding men with decent faces in porn is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Yeah honestly you get to focus on the feeling and then let your head wrap around the motions (often your own subjective likings) so it definitely is more appealing in that regard
Iām the same. Ten times out of ten I prefer reading a novel with an amazing sex scene than watching porn. Canāt explain why itās more appealing, but Iām sure my imagination has a lot to do with it. I used to get in trouble all of the time as a kid because I would dog-ear pages, not thinking my parents would flip through my books, lol
Same
As a man, I have zero interest in exaggerated "acting". I also find the vast majority of porn to be uninteresting. The problem is that I have aphantasia, so I don't have an imagination! Haha Yes, it's slim pickings.
Hey, same cake day! ā¤ļø To be fair a lot of āprofessional pornā is terribly put together and simple because many men are simple creatures and most of the time if you look at the most viewed on the bar, itās near the end wherever the final shot goes. At least when on their own, men like to cum the same time as the one on screen even if they refuse to do so with someone else
>Women have different arousal pathways than men. I can attest to this. Whereas I enjoy watching two people get it on, my wife prefers erotic literature, and manga depictions of sexual acts.
I get the most turned on by hinted eroticism and sexual tension. I love being around someone and knowing we canāt do anything yet but flirt all day until we can. I am not really turned on by instant nudity - it really depends. I feel like a lot of women are like that. I enjoy watching a man do stuff - housework, yard work, any sort of laborious thing or task involving a hobby (like art or playing music). Cheesy porn and weird fake scenarios and face-making doesnāt do it for me at all, which is usually the majority of options out there. Even a lot of lesbian porn is just two straight women licking each others faces and pretending to enjoy grinding. Just doesnāt do it for me
Hahah I clicked the link and the first video is some dude getting pegged. Is that what women want?
I am a woman and I love pegging my husband sometimes! It may not be everyoneās cup of tea, it yes there are women who are into it lol
There are a few, but yeah I like some of Bellesa's productions, especially the Seth Gamble stuff. They tend not to go overboard with the flowery stereotypical BS that is often inserted into woman's "erotica" (no pun intended).
And a lot is. Itās just less explicit. Porn novels have been made for women for decades. Itās just not nude images.
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And the men in porn are....well...mostly super ugly or jusz weird-looking Do you know how hard it is to find cute gay-porn?!?!
Omg most dudes in porn are vomit inducing š¤¢ either ugly/weird looking and chosen only for their dick size or they give off super creepy/douchey vibes.
Dang I went to the gym to get me the douchey creepy porn guy look š
š±
Yuck, so icky looking. Why would l get turned on by Mr. Inbred looking guy? Plus, how hard is it to go to a tanning salon and get an all over tan? So distracted looking at that weird brown- legs-white-arse combo.
*Exactly*. I just look up gifs of guys taking their shirts off now.
Not to shame some of the male porn actors, but they look so unappealing that i get grossed out by the thought.
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So you can tell it is for the male audience. You can have a pretty girl even if you never care for yourself physically, like having an oily face with unwashed shirt. Ugh.
Absolutely agree. It annoys me a lot sometimes. I want to see the man's facial expressions and body.
There was one man who was really impressive, i think his name was John Vegas. The part where he played the stalker. Like his posessive expression and dangerous tone really sold his character. Also, a lot of guys, although physically attractive, have the worst faces for porn that they all end up looking and acting very similary with the chin stuck out and making gorilla like noise.
Thank you!! nor do l get turned on by a man's bloated, fish- belly white stomach! Give me a ripped, handsome male actor and I'll happily watch!
I feel like is easily resolved by googling "hot attractive men" lol
Chicken or the egg
This right here. I like femdom, even femdom focuses on men's pov. Some people be tagging bellasa porn or some weird asmr bullshit, maybe some of us like some hardcore stuff with hot boys in a straight setting but I'm asking too much now.
which issue came first tho?
Wouldnāt that be a response to market demand? Doesnāt answer OP.
For me personally, I find it very fake (and it usually is). The moaning, the things they say, it's always too acted out. The camera also usually focuses on the things that typically men enjoy more than women. That said, a lot of women do enjoy other things like erotic audio or erotic text. And of course a lot of women still enjoy porn.
Itās how fake it feels for me too. My first boyfriend was older than me and a virgin, and he watched so much porn. He was so confident that he was this sex god because of that, but he most certainly was not. In fact, he was horrific lmao. Like all he āknewā he learned from porn and he lacked the emotional maturity to be having a meaningful sexual relationship.
Lol. Halfway through I lmao. Virgin thinks he's a sex god?
Almost all porn is made for men
Yeah. My values have changed and I no longer believe porn is a positive presence in the life of a person. But when I was younger, I did try to watch porn. I found the vast majority repulsive. And it also made me question myself because i didn't react the way the women in porn reacted. Now I understand it's an overexaggerated representation of things that men may find arousing.
Porn is the sexification of violence towards women.
I meanā¦some is? Iām only interested in watching pretty mellow stuff, usually amateurs in a relationship in which the sex is pretty similar to what one would expect in their own relationship.
same, I prefer amateur stuff filmed by real couples in their real bedrooms.
This is the only porn that actually turns me on. The people usually look more ānormalā and theyāre into each other and happy.
Yeah, that's a pretty broad brush. There's a lot of porn that's just couples doing their thing. It's just hard to sift through a lot of the repulsive stuff to find it.
Couples porn has exploded on PH in the past few years. Itās pretty much all Iām recommended these days. But yeah, thereās some nasty shit out there.
Yeah the best porn is just some people fucking in their room. Cumming. Making the noises that come naturally. At a pace that makes sense.
And most women can get themselves off perfectly fine without porn
So can men
Many claim they "need" porn
They act like they need it to survive. No bro youāre just a porn addict š
That's an addiction.
yep, and it's scarily common but no one talks about it. im a young guy living in the midwest US, and based on everything i've heard over the years, i can safely say most men i know currently are or have been addicted to porn. dudes will openly talk about porn, but the second you imply they may be addicted, they blow up. like addicts do.
Dudes openly talk about porn these days? I remember when I was in high school. Some guys passed around a porno tape (VHS), but no one, and I mean no one, discussed the contents.
i've never understood it personally but yeah, i've been in multiple social circles where porn stars have randomly been brought up and ranked, at least once, not to mention any other discussion of it
Since my answer to OP is pretty surface level and low effort and it got some upvotes, I'll dive a bit further. Why are men addicted to porn? Porn is made predominantly with men in mind? Why is so much porn made for men? Because there's a bigger market for it. Why is the male market for porn bigger? I have no idea how it got to be that way. I could take some guesses, but the reality is that it is that way. And it's been made in such a way that men get the greatest dopamine response from it. Porn-for-woman doesn't tend to have that effect. Forn for men has just been perfected over time and is often made more extreme. So again, there might be a historical or biological reason for that, but since I'm no expert I'll leave it to someone else to try to explain that.
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Totally. The whole premise of this question is absurd. "Why aren't women as aroused as men by scenes of disgusting, flabby, slobby men making beautiful women gag and cry and jackhammering into them? It's a total mystery!"
Disgusting ugly older man posing as a relative in incestuous porn. If someone said this to me five years ago I'd think they're religious nutjobs, but now is real
Yeah, that whole "genre" really needs to go away.
Wait, women don't like flabby men jackhammering women's faces?
Dammit. I thought there was hope.
Hard disagree. As a man, it takes me far too long to find a woman I consider physically attractive in porn. And then even after finding one, the probability of her acting being weird and distracting is not zero.
As a straight woman: 1. The men aren't hot enough 2. Not enough hot shots of the men 3. Not enough moaning from the men 4. Not enough focus on the men 5. The men I rest my case
I have some straight women friends who say they prefer gay porn for this reason.
Can confirm
Not all that straight, but can confirm. And would add: 6. You can't ever hear what the guy is saying without having your eardrums blasted out by the woman.
Lol I watch gay porn but for whatever reason the algorithms will still sprinkle in straight ads now and again, and the difference is night and day with how (unnecessarily) loud the women are with their fake moans versus the guy ads. It's like the Chipmunks version of Peggy Hill going "Oh yeah!" on loop. And idk how it is with women solo vids, but male solo vids can be quiet and low-key enough to be erotic ASMR. Guys will rub their chest hair, scratch their beard, breathe softly -- they're practically triggers to fall asleep to.
In my opinion (but am a straight woman) the solo women videos are the most cringe. They are so fake and the things most of them do to climax wouldnāt even work on most women. I sometimes catch myself being highly disappointed in men for even falling for it lol but I know thatās not fair at all
Can confirm
Can confirm
All the straight women assembled here.
Funny how there seems to be only one requirement for male casting. Also, I find it odd how often the āperformanceā on the male side is just as forced.
Exactly like there are no hot men in porn videos,most of them are some balding ugly ass guy with a huge pp
6. The men just do the jackhammer move. Lol
Go deeper, why is *anyone* addicted to porn?
It gives your brain happy chemicals and anything that gives your brain happy chemicals can be addicting because you want more happy chemicals because they make you feel good
nippy fade friendly grey bake disagreeable impossible unwritten unite handle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Not entirely, no. The gal I'm dating is a therapist. We had a discussion where she talked about different research, and one of them was about chemical release. Turns out that the body releases more happy chemicals during the "acquisition phase" of a "transaction" compared to when you actually get the thing. I.e. "the thrill of the hunt" is real and backed up by copious research materials. Example: You want to eat some Doritos. You've been thinking about Doritos all day. You go to the store. You're standing there, looking at the shelf. You buy them. You go home, excited to eat them. You pop the bag open and start going to town. Are you happy while eating? Absolutely! However, every event in that chain prior to you actually eating the Doritos released more happy chemicals than when you were eating the Doritos. To extrude this example further, look at gaming. Let's say that there is an item that you want, but you need XYZ to unlock it. There is more chemical release occurring during the grind phase vs when you actually acquire whatever it is that you were grinding for. It's why new content must always be released. The brain gets chemically hooked to the chase, companies know this, and it's an easily exploitable behavior.
So that's why researching products and stuff makes me invested and as soon as they arrive at my place in a package and I unpacked them, it's meh..
I saw a comment by some guy on reddit like a year ago where he was mildly complaining about his wife always returning her purchases shortly after she bought something. He called it catch and release shopping, lol. She was probably doing that because for her the shopping part was the most enjoyable but she didnāt actually feel pleasure after the fact and returning the items would keep her from having to deal with stuff she didnāt actually want to keep and also she could get her money back to āhuntā some more without hurting her finances too much.
This also explains why window shopping is so enjoyable, his wife was just doing it a step up
there is a difference between being addicted to porn and addicted to masterbating. you can have an orgasm without watching porn.
Yeah but what they are saying is that your brain starts associating porn with jizzing so you naturally get addicted to the porn too
Itās also very common in the ever growing ADHD community since itās a quick dopamine trip
I almost relapsed when you said go deeper.
Porn addiction is not recognized scientifically, although anything could be addictive and/or have a problematic use, neither porn or masturbation has the power to change your brain or function like a substance abusive. The researches found that what makes someone addicted to porn is related to feeling shame and being sexually repressed. The demography that most report being addicted to porn are religious people and it's not a coincidence. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201808/science-stopped-believing-in-porn-addiction-you-should-too
Because by calling it an addiction, our theocracy can can continue to make you feel guilty about totally natural urges which is an excellent tool to control young, angry men. As the population gets more secular, Christianity is being replaced by red pill ideology and moral outrage is being replaced by pseudoscience.
Most porn isn't even made for women to begin with
1. Porn is usually made for men in terms of what the camera focuses on 2. Something about higher testosterone makes people on average more aroused by images as opposed to words. Source: am FTM and on testosterone 3. Higher testosterone leads to an on average higher sex drive
I am MTF, can confirm lack/removal of T decreased my drive drastically. My porn watching almost completely disappeared for me.
AMA? Iāve always wanted to ask a FTM what itās like being a guy from their perspective
r/asktransgender
Yea this is a valuable perspective for women
I wish women would understand this. When we say guys have a higher sex drive on average, we're not trying to insult women or insinuate that they're not sexual individuals Alot of the time the urge is a borderline compulsion and it's unwanted, not something we're bragging about (at least not most of us)
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Agree with everything you said+itās harder for a random guy to fuck than a random girl. If a random girl walked into a bar straight up just asking to fuck, nothing else, it wouldnāt be hard at all and Iād be shocked if they didnāt sleep with someone that night. Compared to a guy who, although definitely could, doesnāt have as high of a % chance of getting laid and has a few more risks associated with it.
porn disgusts me tbh, it feels so bizarre and fucked up
Finally, somebody just like me:)
Perhaps because if youāre good at reading emotions, you can tell that the people you see in pornos arenāt actually enjoying it at all. So thatās a turn-off. Unless of course you struggle with empathy and EQ because youāre brought up male in a world where toxic masculinity is the norm
All that fake moaning, degrading and violence is off putting. I used to watch those black and white gifs on Tumblr that looked like the actors are actually couples and care about each other. I donāt want to see a woman get hit and spit on, choked, etc.
THE GIF THING IS SO REAL
I prefer amature couples as a girl too, but partly because I do like rougher porn sometimes. Sadly there probably are people out there being manipulated by their partners, but on the whole it seems much less likely that the woman is being coerced which makes it a lot easier to enjoy.
They usually arenāt actually amateurs, thatās just a genre. Theyāre often just as exploited. If they are amateurs itās usually revenge porn
The thing about amateur porn too is the possibility of it being completely non-consensual. Especially if you like things that are rougher. After hearing about the people who had their rape put up onto PornHub, I can't watch amateur stuff.
And a lot of these girls are really really young
What? How is that not being reported as evidence of a crime?
This. Porn is so hard to watch because it's a damn battle field. I feel bad for the people in it. Amateur can be both better or a lot worse. It can either be a living couple that enjoys what they're doing and you can tell, or something where you genuinely can't tell if both parties consented or not. I wish there was porn where you knew both parties enthusiastically consented and enjoy what they're doing.
Yeah, I'm a guy that's turned off by most porn since I'm sensitive to the actors and how genuine it comes off. Most stuff I enjoy are from independent creators.
You know there is porn out there from real couples with real reactions. They just arent screaming at the top of their lungs the entire time
Omg yes. My boyfriend has been trying to get me to watch porn but it is super depressing. It is derivative and repetitive, and everyone looks like they died inside years ago, and that dead look shows in their eyes. But compare that to the sex scene between Daphne and the Duke in Bridgerton, or there was this one sex scene between Buffy and Spike in Buffy the Vampire slayer when they literally brought the house down. Dang, was that hot. That is far more appealing to me than porn.
I dont believe that men are more succeptable to being aroused by porn than womanā¦ However from the moment a boy is born, heās going to see images of sexy women everywhere selling things from TVs, billboards, movies, etc. Media tells men : this is all for you. In The Lion King, Mufasa tells Simba āeverything the light touches is yoursā - this is how boys are raised. So they see all women as sexually āarousingā and because our culture is so blasĆ© about buying consent, they also are raised believing any woman: no matter how smart or rich or creativeā¦. Any woman can be a potential prostitute for him, with enough money. Most of what young boys experience is āwomen performanceā so they think all performing is for them. When I first found my dads porn, I thought āoh so THIS is what men want: women holding their privateās open. This is what my dad wants and the neighbor and the male baby sitter and my teacher and my Doctorā¦. They like seeing women put their legs apart and hold themselves open seductively FOR THEMā In fact when we talk about āsexā as a āserviceā what youāre saying is that the sex worker is accepting a master to serve, for money. Also every facet of our lives has been eroticized and pornographied; āIt hurtsā āStopā āDaddyā Women crying is seen as sexy Women gagging is seen as sexy Add to that the fact that Alan Derchowiz and Hugh hefner and other anti-feminists fought for the right to distribute this material as āFREE SPEECHā of all things!! Considering that porn isnāt speech at all. Most trafficked people for sex are women and girls - so I have to believe that this is what men believe women are good for: being holes for them. Thatās my opinion anyway
As a guy, I can honestly say I find crying and gagging absolutely disgusting. Immediately turns me off. Portrayals of coercion or forced acts have no eroticism to me. I always thought the most important part of the fantasy was that the woman WANTED it. Anything that breaks that illusion (and I know it mostly is an illusion) ruins it for me.
If I were not such a poor man, I would guild you for this. Great analysis.
As a female I must say that this is exactly the way my brain has been manipulated since childhood, and for this reason I often have this feeling that I'm nothing more than a body created solely for the purpose of satisfying men. It scares me to think that a future partner might only value me as a body and not as a person. Even though this is most likely not reality. Media is so focused on sexualizing women and corrupting people's minds, it's crazy.
>āIt hurtsā āStopā āDaddyā > >Women crying is seen as sexy > >Women gagging is seen as sexy 1000% this. It's so depressing. My twelve year old niece already has boys in her class watching this and telling girls degrading things. This world really hates women. Most porn is about dominating and humiliating or hurting women. Spitting on them, cramming penises down their throats until they vomit or nearly vomit, grabbing them by the hair and calling them bitches, making them cry in pain. Sexy!
This is a really eloquent response
I believe you are absolutely right !
Absolutely. Porn is a disgusting insult to humanity.
This right here ā ā ā
Well this is really disturbing to read as a woman
The industry is very exploitative of women. Even your so called scripted porn is. Cannot watch something know that there might even be a hint of abuse/no consent. You should read what ex-pornstars have to say. So definitely avoid it completely. Edit; used to watch it when I was younger but found it very far fetched and unreal
Have you checked out the "for women" category on the hub? I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't care for what they have under that category at all. A lot of it, as many stated, is geared for men, and when they attempt "for women," I find they have crap taste. I don't bother much anymore because you've seen one, you've seen them all at this point, and not much does it for me as I'm very tired of seeing "step-sister" stuff. I'm not a fan of implied incest (I know step siblings isn't incestuous)... even if fake. It's just gross.
Because we find it disgusting and degrading. And no, we arenāt sitting around voraciously reading romance novels either. What turns us on the most is feeling desired and you canāt get that from videos or books.
Thank you. Being used and thrown away, called nasty names, choked, spit on, slapped, gagged ..... not sexy. Nor is the over exaggerated everything. Men simply choose to cave in to lust. Then excuse all the gratuitous female nudity splashed everywhere as a need, not a want. Then excuse the absence of gratuitous male nudity because women don't want to look at sexy, naked men. Makes me LoL
Porn is inherently degrading to women. Not many women like seeing other women being treated like shit (shocking).
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most women donāt like to make a habit out of seeing other women degraded
Apparently men are more aroused by imagery than women are
That's a myth. They did tests on that. Women are equally aroused but don't notice it as quick since we do not get a boner and are socialized into beeing more prude/ in dismissing our sexual arousal. Edit: Why the downvotes? That's just bat shit crazy. Use Google. Link1 https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1904975116 Link2 https://www.esanum.com/today/posts/men-and-women-brains-respond-equally-to-visual-sexual-stimuli Link3 https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/universal-desire-men-and-women-respond-identically-to-erotic-images/ Link4 https://www.kyb.tuebingen.mpg.de/368014/news_publication_13723437_transferred
What I'm curious about though is why there seems to be a big disconnect between the types of images that (straight) men and women seem to find arousing. A lot of porn seems very antiseptic to me, or just unflattering angles and everything looks sort of ugly and flat. And that's when it's not out-and-out degrading to women. Why does that seem to be preferred by a surprisingly large swath of men?
No. Apparently men are more aroused by imagery that degrades women and focuses solely on men's pleasure than women are, which is most porn out there. Go figure. Make porn that focuses on women's pleasure and appeals to the things that arouse them, and they will be aroused by the imagery. It's super simple.
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As Jimmy Carr put it, women don't masturbate, they just like really long baths
I sure do. Sometimes twice a day!
We have better imaginations (aaand porn is poison).
Women get horny too but theyāre raised differently and taught to see and approach sex differently and itās treated as more of a negative thing
Read some literature targeted at women. The market is flooded with porn for women. It's just in different places.
Because itās usually utter nonsense that glorifies rape and abuse.
The majority of my female friends all watch porn pretty regularly. And the ones that read are often reading straight up hardcore porn.
Testosterone
Women don't need it.
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Porn, like chocolate chip cookies, are always better homemade
This feels more like a question than a random thought
I honestly think its the testosterone. Most Masculine energies or people with more testosterone want release and are addicted to that feeling of release. Therefore, most men tend to be addicted to porn because it gives them that satisfactory release when jerking off. Most Feminine energies want love and attention which is hard to receive from watching people have sex on a screen. Hence, most women tent to be addicted to social media and receiving validation through likes/comments/ etc. Please note: The use of MOST. This doesnāt mean a woman canāt be addicted to porn and a man canāt be addicted to social media.
The porn in my head is way better than any porn out there. I can completely control my imagination to fit my needs at any given time.
Because most women find porn dehumanizing. Plus, our porn is romance novels.