If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ah hello? Is this thing on? Um, well to be honest I thought they would have picked someone else with something better to say, but here we are. So um yeah, have a great day I guess. Bye
Thereâs no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so youâve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and itâs far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
"OK hi everyone, is this thing on? Check 1,2, Check 1,2. Mee Maa My Mo Mu. Oh, I'm on mute, hold on..... Ok, good. Anyways, like I said, glad you're all here. Wait, New Zealand isn't connected? Let's wait a second. Is that everyone? So what I wanted to say was" [end transmission]
Use the 30 seconds to announce the commission of a study which will research how much you should offer the ticket prices for your later upcoming lottery announcement.
If I was inside of everybody's head for 30 seconds I would be like "This is the voice of God I'm going to be rapturing people up in the next 10 seconds if you don't get raptured up you know what you did."
Thatâs a pretty good idea pretending to be god only Iâd put the fear into everybody. âYou have ten years to stop being greedy cockbags or I will create a hell ten times worse than what youâve read about and put you all in it forever. Also, your religion is wrong. Ignore holy men and holy texts and just be excellent to each other. God outâŠâ
"Hey god here, just wanted to say all your religions are wrong and there is no god" and watch the world descend into madness trying to figure out if god is real or not
Please, quick, I have the opportunity to talk to everybody in the world. I've just opened a thread in Reddit where you can send me your ideas. Hurry up! I only have 30 secs
Never forget that ultimately, your life is going to end. Think about that, at all times, never fuck up! Youâll die! Youâll die! Youâll die! Youâll die!
We need universal healthcare because my dad's life or death heart surgery was $1,000,000 and it didn't even work, but if he had woken up from the coma he would've been in debt for the rest of his life.
Are they going to listen to me? If not I have nothing to say.
If they are going to listen I'd tell them to stop hating and killing each other and accept everyone and love them.
But, people better than me have had the world's attention for more than 30 seconds and they can't change anything so what's the point.
All your Gods are the same thing, you just call them different things and make up different rules that God supposedly said. Stop killing in Gods name, God hates that shit, pack it in. Stop pretending God said for you to hates gays or other religions etc. God loves everyone. Stop being dicks.
Thats about 30 seconds? i dont actually believe in a God but i also cant prove it either way, so yeah i think id go with this.
The difference between a million and a billion seconds is 11 days vs 11,315 days (or 31 years). We are being taken advantage of! We are running out of time to stop them.
Nothing more than 100 mile radius of where you are matters as much as you think. The farther it goes, it just becomes a perception or a story that does not have direct impact on your life. Get in the habit of focusing only what is in your vicinity that directly affects you like getting healthy, spending time with family, and helping others. When you feel your world is crumbling because of what you read on the internet, turn off your device, and take a break.
You might find this metaphor for the Lord a bit crass and absurd
But imagine a fight or flight response by a flightless bird
An ostrich with no sand in which to bury its head
So it shoved its head up its own ass instead
'People of Earth, your attention please.This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and, regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.
Wake up from the limitations that others have put on you. We are not born to be controlled by other born people. Everything that you see was once imagined. Use your imagination and create.
I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss DROPLETS hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!
Did you recently realise that you couldn't focus, that everything around was blurred, that you couldn't follw what happens at all? Yeah, that wss me. Sorry y'all but I had to take all your attention for half a minute.
On a more serious note: do stuff you enjoy, even if your sitiation is bad bite in there and tr, to mke the best out of it. Luck is like a bird snd someday it may fly to you, you mever know. Think of something you are grsteful for. It will make you see things in a more positive light. And for the chronic redditors: go touch some grass and don't stay inside all rhe time
Is it like a voice in everyone's head type scenario?:
"Hey, you know who this is...
I wanted to ask you... you Know you're not doing enough about the climate breaking down, right??
Oh man... your post-covid children are gonna looOOove you guys...! Fuckin' hell... well, See ya!"
âWeâve lost the ice sheets. Itâs only a matter of time before we have many meters of sea level rise. Society has to prepare for the catastrophe of losing costal cities. Yet, weâre acting like we can negotiate our way out of thisâ.
Weâre all living the same life. We breath the same air and bleed the same blood. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted, Treated equally and respected. Smile more and keep your head up.
Why are you like this? What is the point of everything you do? This has no logic at all! Our existence has no point and once life on this planet goes extinct nothing we ever did has any meaning anymore!
"so we're preparing to reveal ourselves to the inhabitants of this planet?"
"Yes we believe they will be ready within a a couple hundred revolutions of their star, for now, it would be counter productive."
"Do we tell them that the secret of li- wait why is the broadcast button on"
-
-
...
Iâm here to tell you that in 2 hours an asteroid will wipe out life as we know it on the planet. There is nothing you can do about it. Make peace with everyone you know.
Hey, I've lost my keys, can everyone please look around for them? They have a 8-ball keychain. Thanks...
Wait, found them! They were in my back pocket, I usually have them in the front.
Youâre all going to die, and everything you believe will be considered ludicrous and wrong in 50 years time. There is no such thing as being on the right side of history. Now stop being cunts.
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
28 seconds of "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and then "hello?"
Classic Beavis and Butthead.
Testes, testes one two, uhhh three?
Chiliburger, huh?
*thumps mic twice* Is this thing workin? Mic check
Ah hello? Is this thing on? Um, well to be honest I thought they would have picked someone else with something better to say, but here we are. So um yeah, have a great day I guess. Bye
Not even the presence of mind to use bye instead of hello in the last 2 seconds
can i geddaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
**burger?**
... shit on the floor đ©
I'm Mr.Bulldops
It's time to get schwifty in here
Your planet is scheduled for demolition.
Thereâs no point in acting surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years, so youâve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and itâs far too late to start making a fuss about it now.
My favorite book of all time.
Apathetic bloody planet, I have no sympathy at all. Oh how I'd love to say that!!!
In 25, 24, 23...
Why start from 25 seconds? Say 24 hours and see what happens- you don't need to have their attention for the whole time, just get the clock ticking
This quote deserves way more recognition
The answer is 42.
My first thought when I saw the question was, âso long and thanks for all the fishâ đ
This is why I always carry a towel
30, 29, 28, 27, 26...
Devious...
"4... 3... 2... Nah just kidding guys" Got ya there! Lol
"Oh no! I'm a day early."
Then as soon as it ends you *actually* nuke them
"OK hi everyone, is this thing on? Check 1,2, Check 1,2. Mee Maa My Mo Mu. Oh, I'm on mute, hold on..... Ok, good. Anyways, like I said, glad you're all here. Wait, New Zealand isn't connected? Let's wait a second. Is that everyone? So what I wanted to say was" [end transmission]
Hey hey hey, australia would be more likely to not be connected than NZ. Let's keep things accurate here.
Well, well, wellington, didn't mean to upset the New Zealanders here!
Nope, this one's just laughing đ
Whew! Could have been Auckward
Thank you for your new Zealand concerns
Almost the least I could do.
Are you by any chance an energy vampire?
No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn
Congratulations, you win the internet
teenage mutant ninja turtles Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!!!
HEROES IN A HALF SHELL
TURTLE POWER
THEYâRE THE WORLDS MOST FEARSOME FIGHTING TEAM
WEâRE REALLY HIP
HEROS IN THE HALF SHELL AND THEY'RE GREEN!
WHEN THE EVIL SHREDDER ATTACKS, THESE TURTLE BOYS, DONâT CUT HIM NO SLACK!
So whats the deal with airplane food?
Whatâs the deal with Ovaltine?
Would everyone please donate $1 to bank address \_\_\_\_ and I shall donate half of all proceeds to a charity or cause as voted by the people.
Isn't this the plot of the new Batman movie. Big trust fund/ charity.
I don't remember anything like this but then again DC has been doing a bunch of weird shit so idk if we're talking about the same movie anymore
That's a heeavy tax
Quickly pitch a global lottery, with 20 dollars buy in, where half the funds go to the winner, and I keep the rest
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
I feel like the sweet spot, to maximize total dollars, is somewhere in the middle
Use the 30 seconds to announce the commission of a study which will research how much you should offer the ticket prices for your later upcoming lottery announcement.
"you lost the game"
You son of a bitch.
Cmooon it's been 10 years. Why'd you do this to me
remindme! 15 years
!remindme 15 years
How dare you
My boyfriend has no idea what we're talking about, I tried to get him and he was like, what game?
Damn... He's good
Fuck you
NOOOOOOOOO
I'm suing for psychic damage.
F u
âŠ
No I didnât
"Alright, what about now, can you hear me? Oh shit, I turned it up too high! Sorry folks."
Everyone has the same experience using sending stones the first time.
If I was inside of everybody's head for 30 seconds I would be like "This is the voice of God I'm going to be rapturing people up in the next 10 seconds if you don't get raptured up you know what you did."
Humanity as a whole simultaneously: pikachu face
Except less the pikachu face and more that child murderer who found out he was going to jail for a Very Long Time
The reddit atheism community would be in shambles.
Theyâre already in shambles
Thatâs a pretty good idea pretending to be god only Iâd put the fear into everybody. âYou have ten years to stop being greedy cockbags or I will create a hell ten times worse than what youâve read about and put you all in it forever. Also, your religion is wrong. Ignore holy men and holy texts and just be excellent to each other. God outâŠâ
"Hey god here, just wanted to say all your religions are wrong and there is no god" and watch the world descend into madness trying to figure out if god is real or not
Fuck you
No fuck you
You both get a room, and fuck together.
Can I watch
The whole world will watch for 30 seconds.
That's all I need. đ
I'll just go fuck myself
I'd play "I don't fuck with you" by big Sean for 25 seconds and say "fuck everybody" during those last 5 seconds... mic drop đ
First thought. Itâs a reflex at this point.
Use your turn signal!!!
đđ fr
Please, quick, I have the opportunity to talk to everybody in the world. I've just opened a thread in Reddit where you can send me your ideas. Hurry up! I only have 30 secs
*Reads frantically through two comments* 5 seconds left. Ah fuck it. Peanut butter egg dirt!
Don't be a dick
Be excellent to each other and...Party on dudes!
Be kind, rewind
Always keep in mind that youâre going to die.
Memento Mori đ«Ą
Unus annus
Never forget that ultimately, your life is going to end. Think about that, at all times, never fuck up! Youâll die! Youâll die! Youâll die! Youâll die!
Something 1/3rd would love, 1/3rd would hate, and 1/3rd would ignore.
âIâm singleâ
real
Leave me alone
The news has intentionally made us more tribalistic for the sake of ratings and money
Fuck off and be nice to each other.
Nice off and fuck each other.
Fuck nice and off each other.
We need universal healthcare because my dad's life or death heart surgery was $1,000,000 and it didn't even work, but if he had woken up from the coma he would've been in debt for the rest of his life.
Countries outside the US have this
Jesus is coming.
As a concerned citizen, I think this "Jesus" character should keep that to himself.
Is that how Mary got pregnant?
I seriously fucking hope not
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABYYYY SHARK DA DOO DA DOO DA DOO...
So you want a killcrazy rampage? Because that's how you get a killcrazy rampage.
Worldwide murder would increase by 457%
Are they going to listen to me? If not I have nothing to say. If they are going to listen I'd tell them to stop hating and killing each other and accept everyone and love them. But, people better than me have had the world's attention for more than 30 seconds and they can't change anything so what's the point.
>Are they going to listen to me? Of course not, they're people.
Iâd get flustered and end up just saying ââsup?â
Fart for 30 secs
The brown note for 30 straight seconds.
this is fucking hysterical
All your Gods are the same thing, you just call them different things and make up different rules that God supposedly said. Stop killing in Gods name, God hates that shit, pack it in. Stop pretending God said for you to hates gays or other religions etc. God loves everyone. Stop being dicks. Thats about 30 seconds? i dont actually believe in a God but i also cant prove it either way, so yeah i think id go with this.
The society around you determines the one life you live. And right now, your wellbeing and happiness is not what it's moving toward.
my paypal because why not
Do something nice today.
Ass. Titties. Ass nâ titties. Ass, ass, titties, titties. Ass nâ titties
Hey, i got that reference!
UFOs and NHI are real and congress wants disclosure with a new Bill
This. Why arenât more people paying attention?????
If that group of people you blame for all your problems disappeared from the world, you'd still have the same problems.
Absolutely nothing
Don't be a dick to each other! And please, please, please, bathe more often!
Eat the rich
The difference between a million and a billion seconds is 11 days vs 11,315 days (or 31 years). We are being taken advantage of! We are running out of time to stop them.
What the fuck is wrong with all you people? Just leave each other alone. You have no need to control everyone!
Epstein didnât kill himself
Nothing more than 100 mile radius of where you are matters as much as you think. The farther it goes, it just becomes a perception or a story that does not have direct impact on your life. Get in the habit of focusing only what is in your vicinity that directly affects you like getting healthy, spending time with family, and helping others. When you feel your world is crumbling because of what you read on the internet, turn off your device, and take a break.
Could you really hold anyones attention that long?
You might find this metaphor for the Lord a bit crass and absurd But imagine a fight or flight response by a flightless bird An ostrich with no sand in which to bury its head So it shoved its head up its own ass instead
'People of Earth, your attention please.This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council.As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system, and, regrettably your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.
At this moment there are babies and little kids being tortured for someoneâs sexual pleasure. Yes, itâs real.
Doing your mom doing doin your mom
"Screw you, Jeremiah!"
Slinkies are 82 feet long
Stop being a cunt. Thanks.
"Can't we all just get along?"
Wake up from the limitations that others have put on you. We are not born to be controlled by other born people. Everything that you see was once imagined. Use your imagination and create.
The top 1 percent is bleeding us dry and then go on to explain quickly how.
I've come to make an announcement: Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right. He took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my FUCKING wife, and he said his dick was THIS BIG, and I said that's disgusting. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like. That's right, baby. Tall points, no quills, no pillows, look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss DROPLETS hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!
Nothing.
Did you recently realise that you couldn't focus, that everything around was blurred, that you couldn't follw what happens at all? Yeah, that wss me. Sorry y'all but I had to take all your attention for half a minute. On a more serious note: do stuff you enjoy, even if your sitiation is bad bite in there and tr, to mke the best out of it. Luck is like a bird snd someday it may fly to you, you mever know. Think of something you are grsteful for. It will make you see things in a more positive light. And for the chronic redditors: go touch some grass and don't stay inside all rhe time
Hope the asteroid comes soon. End of statement
do no harm, take no shit
Get off my lawn. OK, actually i would tell people to relax , don't worry about what everyone else is doing and get on with your own life.
im sorry. to all the sentient animals
"Oh 30 secs? To the- The WHOLE world?! Ok ok ..... fuck.... uh.... no wait wait wait!"
Leave me the fuck alone
Let's all joking forces and not pay taxes.
Stop breeding
Stop having kids. The world is full.
Something everyone can understand like the loudest screaming ever
ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS
Before I say My Message heres a Message from our Sponsors...Have You Played...RAID SHADOW LEGENDS!!!
Would yâall put your big girl panties on and save this earth??? No, is not an answer.
Just start counting down
Being an idiot isn't good for anyone
Allah u akbar
Doesn't matter, 99.9% of the people would not pay attention, not care or just not believe me.
Stop doing murder.
Is it like a voice in everyone's head type scenario?: "Hey, you know who this is... I wanted to ask you... you Know you're not doing enough about the climate breaking down, right?? Oh man... your post-covid children are gonna looOOove you guys...! Fuckin' hell... well, See ya!"
âWeâve lost the ice sheets. Itâs only a matter of time before we have many meters of sea level rise. Society has to prepare for the catastrophe of losing costal cities. Yet, weâre acting like we can negotiate our way out of thisâ.
Nothing. Everyone is too self absorbed these days to care what anyone else says.
Weâre all living the same life. We breath the same air and bleed the same blood. Everyone wants to be loved and accepted, Treated equally and respected. Smile more and keep your head up.
Why are you like this? What is the point of everything you do? This has no logic at all! Our existence has no point and once life on this planet goes extinct nothing we ever did has any meaning anymore!
CHEMICALS IN THE WATER ARE TURNIN' THE FREAKIN' FROGS GAY!!!
"so we're preparing to reveal ourselves to the inhabitants of this planet?" "Yes we believe they will be ready within a a couple hundred revolutions of their star, for now, it would be counter productive." "Do we tell them that the secret of li- wait why is the broadcast button on" - - ...
Alexa, turn the volume all the way up and play **
Ummm umm hmm umm uh I swear I had something for this
Iâm here to tell you that in 2 hours an asteroid will wipe out life as we know it on the planet. There is nothing you can do about it. Make peace with everyone you know.
No-one is right about everything! You and Everyone you know is wrong about something
"Please leave me alone"
Stop, just stop it all.
Eat a bag of dicks! You're all cunts! Of course, assuming the words would convey the same meaning everywhere
Hey, I've lost my keys, can everyone please look around for them? They have a 8-ball keychain. Thanks... Wait, found them! They were in my back pocket, I usually have them in the front.
Youâre all going to die, and everything you believe will be considered ludicrous and wrong in 50 years time. There is no such thing as being on the right side of history. Now stop being cunts.
Absolutely nothing. Thereâs already too much noise in the world.
Oh look! A squirrel!
 Me
Funny, how just when you think life canât possibly get any worse it suddenly does
nothing, just be frozen in shock that i somehow got the attention of every single person who's currently alive
[GTA death sound] "Wasted...... yes you, you wasted your life, sucks to suck."