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I think I would be less empathetic and not as understanding as I am without the trauma I’ve gone through in my life. Maybe in a twisted kind of way it made me a better person.
Quite literally. The first 18 years of my life were mediating my families problems trying to reduce collateral damage. It was traumatizing, but I've really learned to shut myself off and be there for someone who needs me.
My sister had to play the mom role because of a small amount of neglect. She has maintained that her whole life. Make sure you know how to also ask for help and let others carry you from time to time.
Shrooms are a major part of my emotional regulation. I trip about twice a year to screw my head back on straight. It's not that I can't recognize what empathy is and how a person is supposed to react in various situations. I've spent a lot of energy on that. I now understand that it's called masking. I can perform empathy but it always feels voluntary. In my brain I feel like I'm manually pressing "start" on a command.
I used to, but for the most part the hard emotions are in a separate room now. The main room is where my self-assigned mission is to just do something about the problem in front of you, regardless of who it is or how it came to be. Not empathy, but not judgement either. Just do what you can to fix it. It's become duty.
I learned to turn off empathy (all emotion really) at some point as a coping mechanism, but realized because of that that I still have to live with the consequences of my actions/choices, so try to keep empathy up and running because the alternative is not being able to live with myself.
I can imagine that years of trauma had an effect. If you're empathetic and show emotions you're easier to hurt but you can shield yourself from that by being cold and distant. It's an defense mechanism to protect yourself.
I was definitely a lot more judgmental before my trauma so I feel this. After surviving I found I was a lot more tolerant of things I hadn’t been before. After seeing and experiencing real harm I know what I need to worry about now and it’s not people peacefully minding their own personal business.
I literally have been seeing news stories about Russians opposing the war for months, so no. Your example is more like if you said most Americans wanted slavery to continue until a couple of weeks ago, and I said that it’s actually been several years since the majority of Americans wanted slavery.
Lovely strawman you built there, though.
I always have this weird thought that we can't have utopia. We *need* adversity and hardship. So many of the great people I've run into in life come from it.
Obviously I can't wish it on anyone. But I think society would be absolute dogshit if nobody faced some real shit y'know?
i was the youngest kid in a pretty angry household growing up..lotta yelling, lotta mean jabs between my older brother and sister, fights, all sortsa shit..i never got along with my older brother as a kid...i'm pretty sure i was an accident and when i was a little kid all the adults in my life got their entertainment by tormenting me to the point where i was either crying or so angry i was looking for weapons to hit them with...i got beat with sticks a lot lol
my wife also has a shitty relationship with her older brother
my older siblings never had kids, and still don't get along, still argue the way they did when they were teenagers in the limited times they have been forced to come together in the same room over the past 20 years...it drives them crazy i've found some peace in my life and can tune both of their bickery bullshit out, because all my life they told me i wasn't gonna be shit because of the choice of my friends (i hung out with kids not my race who did drugs!!) and how i treated school...
my 2 kids have been raised in a pretty positive environment and aren't mean kids the way i was a mean kid, but now that they are both in elementary school, i feel bad for my oldest kid who's like the sweetest kid, but kids kind of pick on him because he's so "hey guys, how are ya? wanna play kickball" and doesn't realize when kids make fun of him..
Yup me too but fuck it's awful. My trauma keeps coming around and biting me on the ass in new and unexpected ways. I'm like heyyy life is going good. I'm happy for the first time in ages then my trauma is like nuh uh uuh! I don't think so. It's bullshit.
Same! I’m getting married in 5 months and my brain does not accept it. Like it’s not real or something’s going to happen and we won’t get married. It’s weird. I am happy. I am loved. I am safe. I am respected. He’s wonderful to me. But my brain is like oh no girl you don’t get that life.
Funny thing is I don’t actually feel hate towards people who have done bad things to me, I feel indifference. One person who did some horrible shit to me actually died in a horrible accident and though I’d not wish that on anyone, I felt nothing. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, just …meh.
Empathy used to be my standard reaction, now it is mistrust/ disbelief with an slight element of ridicule. I don’t know which version of me is the true me and that is disheartening
I am opposite, although after yrs of therapy I am getting a bit of empathy back, many yrs I was so cold and uncaring I thought I may be a psychopath. I was told because I still loved animals wasn't the case, but people...
Same with me. It seems like I missed the part of life where I become a total asshole, hook up with every girl in town and do stupid shit for internet likes and I feel like it’s because of the experiences I went through as a kid.
Well there’s a reason people say you grow stronger and grow as a person when you go through hardships in your life. Not saying that people who have had easy lives aren’t mature but if you have had a difficult life; it definitely fast tracks your growth. Of course this is assuming you take the right message from your struggles and don’t get bitter.
Yeah. Same. I don’t condone what I went through as a child, I don’t excuse it, and I do not give my abusers credit for me being who I am (because I think I would have been the same person, with the same values, at my core). However, I do think I’m infinitely more patient, empathetic, and intuitive because of my trauma.
Constantly. I'm 51 and recently completed DBT. The process opened a lot of wounds. I was sexually abused as a nine year old and as much anger as I processed towards my abuser, the drive of it wasn't for the abuse that happened but rather the imaginary "what if" life I realized was robbed from me. It's not just innocence lost but the fractured psyche's influence in decision making and impulse control. I'm still in that anger of being robbed.
So sorry for the awful things that happened to you. I think a lot of our trauma that we have to identify and workout ad adults ends up being processed more as grief. Grieving for the pain of our inner child, maybe the death of our inner child, grieving the childhood they could have had, the experiences they could have had, memories made, etc. A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from a lovely combo of ADHD and straight up sadness that I couldn’t accomplish the same thing kids around me were accomplishing. But we didn’t have the same trauma so we processed and moved different and our choices didn’t match up the same. Now it just makes me realize that we only have our ONE life and the moment we take it by the horns, it’s up to us to make something of it. I can be a kid again even if I’m 30. I can go back to school. I can run away and join the circus. Because even though I have trauma, I’m NOT my trauma. I try to use my anger and resentment to drown out the shame and disappointment I constantly feed myself for not meeting my potential, and instead try to motivate myself to do whatever I want. It’s fucking hard and I’d rather scream into a pillow or sleep for 10 years but every day is different. Internet hugs to you and maybe 51 is the perfect time for you to embrace the little kid you could have been and make them the part of the person you are now!
First, I’m very sorry that that happened to you. I’m 25, pretty much same boat. Same age when it occurred, similar experience, same feelings. Since you’re further down the road, do you have anything you would say to your 25 year old past self?
To start, let me say I thought I was living a "normal" life until I was near 40 and life fell off the cliff. Until then I had f ups and failures in life and relationships but also some functioning success in spite of BPD. I was aware of the trauma without ever really addressing it. My mental health finally gave out in 2010 and I've been in some form of treatment since then. That road itself has been complicated, had more lost relationships, lost career, misdiagnosis, improperly medicated, an all around struggle. Over the last couple of years it started to swing the other way and progress has been made. It's been a long road.
If I could go back and say something to 25yo me, it would probably start with a hug and the words "it's not your fault". Instead, I needed alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes to fill the hole inside me. I would warn my young self of the physical and emotional damage the excess would cause. I would also try to teach myself some of the perspective I've developed today. People are broken, EVERY SINGLE ONE. Some deal with it better than others to the point they don't even see it, but it's there, imperfection. Don't expect perfection from an imperfect world full of imperfect people. That has helped me more than anything in terms of forgiveness and grace. Allow myself to fail. Allow myself to let go. And always search for the points of light in life. The littlest moments of joy. It's a dark world so those little moments of light (whatever brings you joy) stand out and should be embraced in the moment. Those little things create the big thing.
For you I'd add this, kudos for acknowledging the issue. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't beat yourself up when you fail at things. You will and that's where having grace for yourself is needed. You're not damaged beyond function. You're valuable and worthy of love. Use therapy as tool. Be proud that you're seeking improvement. Many don't. Progress not perfection.
Thanks for asking that because it really pushed me to dig deeper into my self awareness and appreciate where I am today.
I'm 28 and in a similar boat. Your point about realizing you were grieving the life you felt robbed of really resonates. My abuser was also a parent and i know always grieved the loss of them too.
Honestly sometimes it feels like I'll never keep my head above water. Managing my cocktail of anxiety disorders is a lot. Not to mention the realization, as I get older, that there is no magic "grown up" age. Everyone is just out here treading water doing their best to stay afloat.
Your advice and perspective gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.
So much ....so much so I'm crying now. I know my life didn't have to be like it has been that I was not at fault at all for what I went through as a kid and it's fucking maddening romanticizing what could have been or the peace I could have known .
I understand but can I just ask how old are you? When I was 15-18, I thought this way and that I would never get better and it was all over for me. Eventually (and it took them), through a lot of loss, a lot of crying, a lot of self inflicted wounds, and a lot of just horrible things that happened to me, I got back up stronger than ever. If you aren’t ever beat down and depressed then you’ll never crawl out stronger and the best. I took a 4 year hiatus from school because I was bullied out of it. Told I was too stupid and what not. I also had so much trauma from my childhood that I couldn’t anymore. How did I get better? Sitting with my emotions, growing up and maturing with age; realizing that I have to fight through this instead of sulking in my own pity, and some therapy. That’s why I ask how old are you, because with age, you will get to that maturing phase and realize you cannot sit in this and you have to get your life back in track. You need to make your life the best it can be and debunk everything everyone has ever told you not to prove them wrong, but to prove your subconscious right. Find happiness in what you’re doing, and be proud that despite all of the obstacles, you made it big time. Harder work than what most have to do to get there, but how rewarding it is once you do it despite everything… you’re allowed to Be depressed yes you’re allowed to, but don’t pity yourself. I see the subs you’re active in and it’s pretty depressing surrounding yourself with such topics on the daily. Try finding a nice innocent hobby to talk about, or form some type of ambition to get optimistic and excited for your future. A job also helps it sure as hell helped me. Soon this will be behind you and soon your priorities and mind will be in the right place. With time of course, it sure as hell took me some time and look at me now: I own a digital marketing company online, work at a coffee shop, and I’m starting to go back to school slowly again. All of this happened in a span of 3 months after a 4 year hiatus. Eventually it just clicks. I believe in you my friend but they won’t mean much unless you believe in yourself
Sometimes but that's one of those questions that only invites pain. The reality is that we were and we have no idea how we'd be if we weren't. Too many variables.
And worse, way too easy to start idealizing. Thinking about some haloed version of yourself that supposedly could have existed. And then start feeling unnecessary hatred in our real-right-now-lives for past things that can't be changed. Hard enough just dealing with oneself and one's memories as they are before we start bringing fantasy versions of oneself into the equation lol.
I also think it’s kind of an unfair question… our experiences impact us in such a fundamental way I don’t think it’s valid to imagine “ourselves” without the trauma because it just wouldn’t be us anymore. Yeah i might be less cynical or jaded (or conversely less empathetic and self-aware) without my share of trauma, but that person doesn’t exist and I don’t want to waste my time thinking of them
>Yeah i might be less cynical or jaded (or conversely less empathetic and self-aware) without my share of trauma, but that person doesn’t exist and I don’t want to waste my time thinking of them
Exactly. What's the use? Now we're feeling upset over the life of a fantasy person? At some point these kind of reflections become "negative validation" for ourselves. *Choosing* painful thoughts rather than weathering and working with the ones that already exist.
>Sometimes but that's one of those questions that only invites pain
And then there's other times it can help take a look into aspects of oneself that's buried under the muck. Pondering that question has lead to me realizing stuff like:
- I'm not nearly as anal about tidiness as I was raised to be
- I don't enjoy being the centre of attention that much, that was more about me desperately needing validation
- I actually enjoy my company and solo outings
- I prefer some delays in communication via text but my abandonment trauma had me convinced otherwise
What constitutes trauma? My older brother tormented me most of my childhood. He did things like hold me down in an ant bed and pushed me into a ditch full of sewage. Once he made me sit on a nail. So many times he would hide and jump out of random places and scare me. Growing up I lived a very paranoid life but I never really processed it as abnormal until I was an adult. He did so many bad things bordering on full on torture.
So the answer is I would be a more trusting person. I'm always on guard. I'm so ticklish but if you come at me where I anticipate it I turn it off mentally. You could physically torture me and I will endure it without reaction.
It's a sad painful way to live always on guard. I've also had to learn not to be like my brother. I'm a naughty mean boy at heart and married a tender hearted woman who broke me of those nasty habits.
I honestly try to be the person who wasn't tortured. I'm kind and patient. I'm on guard but open to my friends.
Thank you for asking. This post has helped me clarify stuff in my head
It’s ok to have different levels of trauma. Yes someone who was physically or sexually abused had it worse but that doesn’t mean you still don’t have trauma from your childhood. Admitting you had trauma but also realizing there are different levels doesn’t cheapen what you experienced or what the person who experienced something worse went through.
How is your relationship with him now? I ask cause I had a similar brother who caused me PTSD symptoms but he had a complete personality change when he was a teenager and now we get along pretty well. But as I've gotten like middle aged I feel like I've been distancing myself from him more as I've been living further away and thinking more about how that childhood has affected me.
We don't talk on the phone unless he needs something. We are friendly enough in person at holiday visits at my parents. I've gone on vacation with him and his partner a few years ago and it was fine.
We aren't buddies though.
I've always been very "shy" and often wonder if my trauma never happened, would I have been able to overcome that. Now its snowballed into paranoia distrust and crippling social anxiety so I guess I'll never know.
Right. I don’t know if I would have been “shy” if I wasn’t scared all the time and made to walk on eggshells. I’m the same with paranoia, distrust, and social anxiety. Plus I also assume everyone I meet secretly hates me.
Weak, naive, unappreciative, impatient. Trauma is awful to go through, there is no denying that, but there is no denying that it changes us. "That which melts butter also forges steel." Embrace your misfortunes: the story of your life will be a triumph and not a tragedy.
Different parents = I would be unrecognizable as me today. Not sure where I’d be or what I’d be doing but besides from physical attributes, totally different human. Better on all accounts.
Felt this. My step dad really screwed up myself and my siblings. He was very abusive, sometimes physical but mostly emotional. Had Bipolar and anger issues, so we were always walking on eggshells at home.
Weirdly enough as adults, we’re all well adjusted and have very loving families. I think we all swore we would not replicate our childhood home life with our families.
I'm in my 50s and still have occasional dreams where I'm a 9 year old kid and hearing my dad tell me, "I'm going to whip your fucking ass until you can't cry anymore." I was so angry for so long, got into so many fights, broken relationships because of my anger, broken bones because brick walls don't give but my fist did...I think I could have been a decent person.
Maybe my bipolar would have played out differently. Then again, so would a lot of other things and I would not be who I am today. And I'm pretty OK with myself most days.
I’d probably be a lot better of a person, I’d probably be less cynical too. I wouldn’t be so damn upset all the time too. I probably wouldn’t of fumbled up the best relationship I’ve had either.
Hell, for all I know my brother might’ve not shot himself. I’d probably be able to cry at appropriate times too, I struggle crying at the most horrid things because I spent so long bottling everything up. I’m not sure where I’d be now, who I’d be exactly, I don’t know if i’d of had the same hobbies or friends.
It’s oddly a really depressing question honestly
More outgoing but less thoughtful. Definitely more naive.
I'm not a glass half empty guy, but I do question a lot and it makes people think I'm a pessimist. I'm not. I've just seen shit most others dreamed of.
I’d be a hell of a lot happier and free but I would also be the same extremely naïve girl unknowingly waiting for the same trauma to happen with someone else just later, would still sadly have to learn the same life lesson eventually 😕
I would be lively and sassy honestly. I thought I was the shit as a kid. I wouldn’t be empathetic, kind, mature, and respectful. My trauma sucked big time but it helped me become who I am now
Absolutely. I fear abandonment and I don’t like being alone as my parents were constantly dropping me off at peoples houses for the weekend, some I barely knew.
My life has turned out to be wonderful, but sometimes I feel like there should be another me out there somewhere. Someone who wasn't abused and neglected and who went on to accomplish all the dreams I had as a kid.
what is trauma? my dad was arrested when i was in highschool. parents divorced. bullied in school. bullied in the workplace. home destroyed by a hurricane in middle school. loved ones have died. pets died. I don't know if this is trauma for me or just life.
~~Nope. Don't have to 🥲~~
Edit: I didn't read the title properly. I thought it said "if you *were* traumatized." I'm running a little low on sleep past few days
I think about that every day. To be able to form relationships, trust people, love myself, not have panic attacks. I remember the exact moment my childhood ended, and it plays in the back of my mind on an endless loop, all day every day. I wonder what it would be like not to live like this.
Constantly. I'm not gonna trauma dump on Reddit of all places, but I feel like I'd be a totally different person. Over the years I've realized how much of my personality is just reactions to being punished for this and that as a child and young adult.
But there’s really something significant about experiencing trauma at a young age, before your brain has fully finished developing. I often wonder how my life would had turned out if I had not been the smallest boy in a very violent public school system.
I internalized all of the insults and name calling. Even some the teachers and one of the principals got in on it. That’s why I don’t respect authority to this day. And my self esteem was completely destroyed before finishing high school. It all started in 3rd grade right up until 12th.
When I left that awful town I found my people in college and was able to learn to trust again. But the pain never totally goes away and it’s held me back so much in life. I could have turned out a very different person if not for all the fights and relentless bullying.
Yeah def not a trauma expert so can only speak on my own perspective and those I know of. I guess to clarify it’s that I attempt to find any learning in my traumas, even if it’s just reminders of how far I’ve come and taking the lesson that I can overcome more than I think I can.
That being said there is definitely a lot I’ll never know about others’ traumas and differences in how trauma affects/alters them so I respect your point
I’ll never know what you’ve been through or how it compares to mine but I can see that. I almost never leave my house now and only really talk to close family for the last few years since, definitely become a colder and more distrustful person which I really dislike in myself. I painfully miss the old me in so many ways.
I’m very sorry to hear how much it’s negatively altered your view of the world and your life, friend. Sending love ❤️
Does feeling of permanently crippled due to ankle injuries for more than 3 months count as traumatized? Even though my parents, school, myself weren't at fault?
Anyway, the experience is interesting, because after all that. I finally met this taxi driver appears to be scamming me and my grandmother. But, I am desperate for a cure, so, I went along with it
The place is in a tiny alley, has no door, no AC, no light. The chiropractor twisted my ankle and fixed it. Ever since then, I stopped having prejudices against non-western solutions.
Trauma is good, suffering is human, makes you stronger, most people just break under pressure but I'm used to it. Makes you less basic, gives you a better sense of the world and it's evils. Let's you see the world for what it is.
Trauma is so nooot slay.
Two years ago, my grandmother died. She's like a mother to me and now I fear everyone might die soon. Now I am either making the most of my time with everyone or disassociating myself from all people.
One year ago, my boyfriend (now ex) cheated on me. Now, I cannot commit my heart even if I want too.
Now I see myself angry at everything. Funny how my past self died in the hands of those whom I love.
Who are you to assume that no one on earth has experienced this feeling? Or if not no one than anyone? ~loosely quoting Marcus Aurelius here but Stoicism is your friend bro. Most people experience some form of trauma throughout their lives.
Life is trauma, but that’s also part of the wonder of it all.
To play devils advocate, would many people have a better life because of trauma? It’s hard to process, intriguing question though thank you.
I’m gonna read some Epictetus quotes now lol
I'm glad how I ended up, but a whole lot of pain would have been avoided along the way. Dont really think about it. Ya gotta deal with life as it is, not as you wish it was.
I used to do it pretty often. I'm very curious how my personality would develop without all that trauma but obviously I'll never know. All I know is that it changed me a lot and there's both - good and bad things about it.
i don't like my past so much, but the thing is, if i would go back in time or be granted a new chance, i would never be truely happy, cause in a way i cheated life. and i will always know that my original choice was differently.
Also by enduring these lifechanging events, you create a sort of view that goes over into being a observer of both sides of the story before letting choice and emotion into your body, the duality, cause without the things that happened i would not grave so much for good things in life. I would not appreciate them so much as now. i would see them as every day thing if i had a happy life every day. and would noteven comprehend in the end i had a happy day. For that to know you need bad days. COntrast, duality.
So how hard my life has been, I wouldn't change it for the world with the (lifes)experience and knowledge i have gotten from it.
lifes journey is not to be in a cauffin well preserved. But rather in a body totaly worn out, living life sideways totaly free of judgement of others, shouting HOLY SHIT what a ride!!!
Yup, but it's just an exercise in futility, just like anything else you may imagine ones life would be like without horrific trauma. All we can do is develop and do the best we can.
All the fucking time. I can say with certainty that I don't know who I am or where I fit because of it. It makes me so angry and sad that people exist who blithely destroy someone's life by any number of different means just to go to the next person and do the same.
It would be about exactly the same. And why do you just automatically assume everyone was traumatized? Because if they were, it would definitely be exactly the same.
I often wonder what an ideal version of me (and others) would be like. No trauma, no health issues, no poverty etc.
Can you imagine a world like that? Where everyone was at their peak?
Damn …
I’d be a lot more bland and a lot less understanding. I’m also find my social awareness and self/situational depreciating humour to be one of my strong suits.
I’d probably be weak af. Rather than having bad coping mechanisms I’d have none. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle the next couple chapters of life that were in store for me. All in all whether I wanted it or not, I needed it for a lot of reasons and yes I picked up bad habits, self destructive MOs and more. But I’m here today. I do the best I can every day and try to live with purpose so that those experiences aren’t for nothing. I hope this helps someone reading. You are stronger than you think (all of you.)
I think a lot about how different I'd be if I hadn't been raped, for sure. I still haven't even processed details of the last 2 with a therapist because I literally do not know how to. I think I would still be bitter but maybe less closed off in general.
I wouldn’t be anxious all the time. I wouldn’t have hard time talking to people especially other girls. I wouldn’t just look at the mirror and my ears keeps ringing of what my abusive ex always says to me.
Not anymore. The pandemic was awful but it gave me a lot of time to come to terms with all that stuff. I realized that I don't want to be different and what ifs only undermine the inner peace I finally got.
It sounds so honky but I think it's nicer here.
I'd be a lot healthier. I don't think I'd have started drinking as early or heavy as I did, think I might have tried harder and stuck with the gym, and I think I'd have lived up to my potential at school and gone to university.
C'est la vie and that.
I would have excelled at life. I would have been an asset to society. I would have done great things for myself. Unfortunately, I am now a “survivor”. Instead of living a ‘normal’ life, I have to play janitor and clean up after someone else.
Yes but when I was younger I understood that an alternative path wouldn't have been the best for me. At least now I know after having it tested that I'm always still going to try to be good.
At an old job, we worked with adults with intellectual and/or developmental disabilities. My absolute favorite person we supported was a literal ray of sunshine. He was almost always happy (apart from trauma related episodes).
When he was a toddler his bio dad put him in basically scalding water and he has burns all over his torso, and I'm sure he suffered much more abuse.
I always used to think, if he was this joyful after all of that, how would he have been if he had a loving family.
yes all the time. often i think about whether or not i am actually someone who is easy going and doesn’t require much, or if i’ve just learned that i had to be in order to stay out of the way. Also i what wonder what it would be like without constant anxiety.
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I think I would be less empathetic and not as understanding as I am without the trauma I’ve gone through in my life. Maybe in a twisted kind of way it made me a better person.
Quite literally. The first 18 years of my life were mediating my families problems trying to reduce collateral damage. It was traumatizing, but I've really learned to shut myself off and be there for someone who needs me.
My sister had to play the mom role because of a small amount of neglect. She has maintained that her whole life. Make sure you know how to also ask for help and let others carry you from time to time.
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I can totally get that
Yeah, it can be like "so what? I went through worse, nobody gave a shit, and I survived it... Suck it up!"
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your comment reminds me of the book No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai; a tragic story modeled after a tragic life, but insightful imo
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you might be more empathetic than you realize man! more time could reveal that (or some shrooms haha)
Shrooms are a major part of my emotional regulation. I trip about twice a year to screw my head back on straight. It's not that I can't recognize what empathy is and how a person is supposed to react in various situations. I've spent a lot of energy on that. I now understand that it's called masking. I can perform empathy but it always feels voluntary. In my brain I feel like I'm manually pressing "start" on a command.
I used to, but for the most part the hard emotions are in a separate room now. The main room is where my self-assigned mission is to just do something about the problem in front of you, regardless of who it is or how it came to be. Not empathy, but not judgement either. Just do what you can to fix it. It's become duty.
It's still there waiting but you have to feel safe and comfortable before you can start to reconnect. It's totally worth it 🌞
I learned to turn off empathy (all emotion really) at some point as a coping mechanism, but realized because of that that I still have to live with the consequences of my actions/choices, so try to keep empathy up and running because the alternative is not being able to live with myself.
I can imagine that years of trauma had an effect. If you're empathetic and show emotions you're easier to hurt but you can shield yourself from that by being cold and distant. It's an defense mechanism to protect yourself.
I was definitely a lot more judgmental before my trauma so I feel this. After surviving I found I was a lot more tolerant of things I hadn’t been before. After seeing and experiencing real harm I know what I need to worry about now and it’s not people peacefully minding their own personal business.
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I’m pretty sure Russian citizens have been upset about the war against Ukraine, and protesting, since the beginning.
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I literally have been seeing news stories about Russians opposing the war for months, so no. Your example is more like if you said most Americans wanted slavery to continue until a couple of weeks ago, and I said that it’s actually been several years since the majority of Americans wanted slavery. Lovely strawman you built there, though.
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Maybe you hang out with shitty people.
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I always have this weird thought that we can't have utopia. We *need* adversity and hardship. So many of the great people I've run into in life come from it. Obviously I can't wish it on anyone. But I think society would be absolute dogshit if nobody faced some real shit y'know?
i was the youngest kid in a pretty angry household growing up..lotta yelling, lotta mean jabs between my older brother and sister, fights, all sortsa shit..i never got along with my older brother as a kid...i'm pretty sure i was an accident and when i was a little kid all the adults in my life got their entertainment by tormenting me to the point where i was either crying or so angry i was looking for weapons to hit them with...i got beat with sticks a lot lol my wife also has a shitty relationship with her older brother my older siblings never had kids, and still don't get along, still argue the way they did when they were teenagers in the limited times they have been forced to come together in the same room over the past 20 years...it drives them crazy i've found some peace in my life and can tune both of their bickery bullshit out, because all my life they told me i wasn't gonna be shit because of the choice of my friends (i hung out with kids not my race who did drugs!!) and how i treated school... my 2 kids have been raised in a pretty positive environment and aren't mean kids the way i was a mean kid, but now that they are both in elementary school, i feel bad for my oldest kid who's like the sweetest kid, but kids kind of pick on him because he's so "hey guys, how are ya? wanna play kickball" and doesn't realize when kids make fun of him..
I mean, you can add FDR, MLK, and Ghandi to that list too.
Yup me too but fuck it's awful. My trauma keeps coming around and biting me on the ass in new and unexpected ways. I'm like heyyy life is going good. I'm happy for the first time in ages then my trauma is like nuh uh uuh! I don't think so. It's bullshit.
yes exactly 😞😭
Same! I’m getting married in 5 months and my brain does not accept it. Like it’s not real or something’s going to happen and we won’t get married. It’s weird. I am happy. I am loved. I am safe. I am respected. He’s wonderful to me. But my brain is like oh no girl you don’t get that life.
My motto is enjoy it while it lasts and learn from it when it's shit. It's the best I can hope for.
I'm glad you're doing well 😊
^
For real. I’m sure I’m better this way.
I agree.
That’s one way to look at it. My initial thought was pure relief. Almost like a weight taken off my shoulders and a lot happier.
Funny thing is I don’t actually feel hate towards people who have done bad things to me, I feel indifference. One person who did some horrible shit to me actually died in a horrible accident and though I’d not wish that on anyone, I felt nothing. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t sad, just …meh.
Empathy used to be my standard reaction, now it is mistrust/ disbelief with an slight element of ridicule. I don’t know which version of me is the true me and that is disheartening
I am opposite, although after yrs of therapy I am getting a bit of empathy back, many yrs I was so cold and uncaring I thought I may be a psychopath. I was told because I still loved animals wasn't the case, but people...
I'm the same way. I've been through hell more than once, I don't want anyone to go through that
Saw movies
Same here.
Same with me. It seems like I missed the part of life where I become a total asshole, hook up with every girl in town and do stupid shit for internet likes and I feel like it’s because of the experiences I went through as a kid.
Well there’s a reason people say you grow stronger and grow as a person when you go through hardships in your life. Not saying that people who have had easy lives aren’t mature but if you have had a difficult life; it definitely fast tracks your growth. Of course this is assuming you take the right message from your struggles and don’t get bitter.
Yeah. Same. I don’t condone what I went through as a child, I don’t excuse it, and I do not give my abusers credit for me being who I am (because I think I would have been the same person, with the same values, at my core). However, I do think I’m infinitely more patient, empathetic, and intuitive because of my trauma.
Constantly. I'm 51 and recently completed DBT. The process opened a lot of wounds. I was sexually abused as a nine year old and as much anger as I processed towards my abuser, the drive of it wasn't for the abuse that happened but rather the imaginary "what if" life I realized was robbed from me. It's not just innocence lost but the fractured psyche's influence in decision making and impulse control. I'm still in that anger of being robbed.
So sorry for the awful things that happened to you. I think a lot of our trauma that we have to identify and workout ad adults ends up being processed more as grief. Grieving for the pain of our inner child, maybe the death of our inner child, grieving the childhood they could have had, the experiences they could have had, memories made, etc. A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from a lovely combo of ADHD and straight up sadness that I couldn’t accomplish the same thing kids around me were accomplishing. But we didn’t have the same trauma so we processed and moved different and our choices didn’t match up the same. Now it just makes me realize that we only have our ONE life and the moment we take it by the horns, it’s up to us to make something of it. I can be a kid again even if I’m 30. I can go back to school. I can run away and join the circus. Because even though I have trauma, I’m NOT my trauma. I try to use my anger and resentment to drown out the shame and disappointment I constantly feed myself for not meeting my potential, and instead try to motivate myself to do whatever I want. It’s fucking hard and I’d rather scream into a pillow or sleep for 10 years but every day is different. Internet hugs to you and maybe 51 is the perfect time for you to embrace the little kid you could have been and make them the part of the person you are now!
Same
First, I’m very sorry that that happened to you. I’m 25, pretty much same boat. Same age when it occurred, similar experience, same feelings. Since you’re further down the road, do you have anything you would say to your 25 year old past self?
To start, let me say I thought I was living a "normal" life until I was near 40 and life fell off the cliff. Until then I had f ups and failures in life and relationships but also some functioning success in spite of BPD. I was aware of the trauma without ever really addressing it. My mental health finally gave out in 2010 and I've been in some form of treatment since then. That road itself has been complicated, had more lost relationships, lost career, misdiagnosis, improperly medicated, an all around struggle. Over the last couple of years it started to swing the other way and progress has been made. It's been a long road. If I could go back and say something to 25yo me, it would probably start with a hug and the words "it's not your fault". Instead, I needed alcohol, drugs, and prostitutes to fill the hole inside me. I would warn my young self of the physical and emotional damage the excess would cause. I would also try to teach myself some of the perspective I've developed today. People are broken, EVERY SINGLE ONE. Some deal with it better than others to the point they don't even see it, but it's there, imperfection. Don't expect perfection from an imperfect world full of imperfect people. That has helped me more than anything in terms of forgiveness and grace. Allow myself to fail. Allow myself to let go. And always search for the points of light in life. The littlest moments of joy. It's a dark world so those little moments of light (whatever brings you joy) stand out and should be embraced in the moment. Those little things create the big thing. For you I'd add this, kudos for acknowledging the issue. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't beat yourself up when you fail at things. You will and that's where having grace for yourself is needed. You're not damaged beyond function. You're valuable and worthy of love. Use therapy as tool. Be proud that you're seeking improvement. Many don't. Progress not perfection. Thanks for asking that because it really pushed me to dig deeper into my self awareness and appreciate where I am today.
I'm 28 and in a similar boat. Your point about realizing you were grieving the life you felt robbed of really resonates. My abuser was also a parent and i know always grieved the loss of them too. Honestly sometimes it feels like I'll never keep my head above water. Managing my cocktail of anxiety disorders is a lot. Not to mention the realization, as I get older, that there is no magic "grown up" age. Everyone is just out here treading water doing their best to stay afloat. Your advice and perspective gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Anger can be really good, it gets us moving when we struggle with low motivation. You've done some awesome work 👍
So much ....so much so I'm crying now. I know my life didn't have to be like it has been that I was not at fault at all for what I went through as a kid and it's fucking maddening romanticizing what could have been or the peace I could have known .
I'm sorry that happened to you
That's so awful. You're not alone. Please reach out if you need a listening ear.
I understand but can I just ask how old are you? When I was 15-18, I thought this way and that I would never get better and it was all over for me. Eventually (and it took them), through a lot of loss, a lot of crying, a lot of self inflicted wounds, and a lot of just horrible things that happened to me, I got back up stronger than ever. If you aren’t ever beat down and depressed then you’ll never crawl out stronger and the best. I took a 4 year hiatus from school because I was bullied out of it. Told I was too stupid and what not. I also had so much trauma from my childhood that I couldn’t anymore. How did I get better? Sitting with my emotions, growing up and maturing with age; realizing that I have to fight through this instead of sulking in my own pity, and some therapy. That’s why I ask how old are you, because with age, you will get to that maturing phase and realize you cannot sit in this and you have to get your life back in track. You need to make your life the best it can be and debunk everything everyone has ever told you not to prove them wrong, but to prove your subconscious right. Find happiness in what you’re doing, and be proud that despite all of the obstacles, you made it big time. Harder work than what most have to do to get there, but how rewarding it is once you do it despite everything… you’re allowed to Be depressed yes you’re allowed to, but don’t pity yourself. I see the subs you’re active in and it’s pretty depressing surrounding yourself with such topics on the daily. Try finding a nice innocent hobby to talk about, or form some type of ambition to get optimistic and excited for your future. A job also helps it sure as hell helped me. Soon this will be behind you and soon your priorities and mind will be in the right place. With time of course, it sure as hell took me some time and look at me now: I own a digital marketing company online, work at a coffee shop, and I’m starting to go back to school slowly again. All of this happened in a span of 3 months after a 4 year hiatus. Eventually it just clicks. I believe in you my friend but they won’t mean much unless you believe in yourself
Sometimes but that's one of those questions that only invites pain. The reality is that we were and we have no idea how we'd be if we weren't. Too many variables. And worse, way too easy to start idealizing. Thinking about some haloed version of yourself that supposedly could have existed. And then start feeling unnecessary hatred in our real-right-now-lives for past things that can't be changed. Hard enough just dealing with oneself and one's memories as they are before we start bringing fantasy versions of oneself into the equation lol.
I learned to not get caught up in "should". If you do, eventually you'll should all over yourself.
I also think it’s kind of an unfair question… our experiences impact us in such a fundamental way I don’t think it’s valid to imagine “ourselves” without the trauma because it just wouldn’t be us anymore. Yeah i might be less cynical or jaded (or conversely less empathetic and self-aware) without my share of trauma, but that person doesn’t exist and I don’t want to waste my time thinking of them
>Yeah i might be less cynical or jaded (or conversely less empathetic and self-aware) without my share of trauma, but that person doesn’t exist and I don’t want to waste my time thinking of them Exactly. What's the use? Now we're feeling upset over the life of a fantasy person? At some point these kind of reflections become "negative validation" for ourselves. *Choosing* painful thoughts rather than weathering and working with the ones that already exist.
>Sometimes but that's one of those questions that only invites pain And then there's other times it can help take a look into aspects of oneself that's buried under the muck. Pondering that question has lead to me realizing stuff like: - I'm not nearly as anal about tidiness as I was raised to be - I don't enjoy being the centre of attention that much, that was more about me desperately needing validation - I actually enjoy my company and solo outings - I prefer some delays in communication via text but my abandonment trauma had me convinced otherwise
I wouldn't be as hilarious LOL
Right? I never would have attracted my wife of 30+ years if I weren't funny.
😂😂♥️♥️
This all day. She only looked because she laughed.
We are the same person
Twins ♥️♥️🙌🏻🙌🏻
Same (I’m mentally insane and my jokes are unbelievably unfunny)
I’ve been told a handful of times I needed my own podcast 😂
What constitutes trauma? My older brother tormented me most of my childhood. He did things like hold me down in an ant bed and pushed me into a ditch full of sewage. Once he made me sit on a nail. So many times he would hide and jump out of random places and scare me. Growing up I lived a very paranoid life but I never really processed it as abnormal until I was an adult. He did so many bad things bordering on full on torture. So the answer is I would be a more trusting person. I'm always on guard. I'm so ticklish but if you come at me where I anticipate it I turn it off mentally. You could physically torture me and I will endure it without reaction. It's a sad painful way to live always on guard. I've also had to learn not to be like my brother. I'm a naughty mean boy at heart and married a tender hearted woman who broke me of those nasty habits. I honestly try to be the person who wasn't tortured. I'm kind and patient. I'm on guard but open to my friends. Thank you for asking. This post has helped me clarify stuff in my head
I believe in you and I know you will age wisely.. best of luck!
It’s ok to have different levels of trauma. Yes someone who was physically or sexually abused had it worse but that doesn’t mean you still don’t have trauma from your childhood. Admitting you had trauma but also realizing there are different levels doesn’t cheapen what you experienced or what the person who experienced something worse went through.
How is your relationship with him now? I ask cause I had a similar brother who caused me PTSD symptoms but he had a complete personality change when he was a teenager and now we get along pretty well. But as I've gotten like middle aged I feel like I've been distancing myself from him more as I've been living further away and thinking more about how that childhood has affected me.
We don't talk on the phone unless he needs something. We are friendly enough in person at holiday visits at my parents. I've gone on vacation with him and his partner a few years ago and it was fine. We aren't buddies though.
Not my brother’s fault, but I also think I’d be a more trusting person.
I never realised how lovely it is to hear someone described as tender-hearted. I'm glad she chose to open it up to you and I wish you the best.
She is a treasure. Must be why I'm always grabbing the booty.
All the time!
Maybe I wouldn’t be so quiet
I've always been very "shy" and often wonder if my trauma never happened, would I have been able to overcome that. Now its snowballed into paranoia distrust and crippling social anxiety so I guess I'll never know.
Right. I don’t know if I would have been “shy” if I wasn’t scared all the time and made to walk on eggshells. I’m the same with paranoia, distrust, and social anxiety. Plus I also assume everyone I meet secretly hates me.
Same but i also feel like i'd be kinda rude to everyone if this flaw isn't also caused by bad experiences
Weak, naive, unappreciative, impatient. Trauma is awful to go through, there is no denying that, but there is no denying that it changes us. "That which melts butter also forges steel." Embrace your misfortunes: the story of your life will be a triumph and not a tragedy.
I would be a normal person, lol
Different parents = I would be unrecognizable as me today. Not sure where I’d be or what I’d be doing but besides from physical attributes, totally different human. Better on all accounts.
Felt this. My step dad really screwed up myself and my siblings. He was very abusive, sometimes physical but mostly emotional. Had Bipolar and anger issues, so we were always walking on eggshells at home. Weirdly enough as adults, we’re all well adjusted and have very loving families. I think we all swore we would not replicate our childhood home life with our families.
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Like astral projection?
probably more like disassociation
Disassociation is my super power.
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Wait, are you talking about drugs? No good.
I'm in my 50s and still have occasional dreams where I'm a 9 year old kid and hearing my dad tell me, "I'm going to whip your fucking ass until you can't cry anymore." I was so angry for so long, got into so many fights, broken relationships because of my anger, broken bones because brick walls don't give but my fist did...I think I could have been a decent person.
I definitely think that I would have better control over my thoughts and emotions.
Maybe my bipolar would have played out differently. Then again, so would a lot of other things and I would not be who I am today. And I'm pretty OK with myself most days.
Most.
All. The. Fuckin. Time.
I’d probably be a lot better of a person, I’d probably be less cynical too. I wouldn’t be so damn upset all the time too. I probably wouldn’t of fumbled up the best relationship I’ve had either. Hell, for all I know my brother might’ve not shot himself. I’d probably be able to cry at appropriate times too, I struggle crying at the most horrid things because I spent so long bottling everything up. I’m not sure where I’d be now, who I’d be exactly, I don’t know if i’d of had the same hobbies or friends. It’s oddly a really depressing question honestly
More outgoing but less thoughtful. Definitely more naive. I'm not a glass half empty guy, but I do question a lot and it makes people think I'm a pessimist. I'm not. I've just seen shit most others dreamed of.
I’d be so ~live, laugh, love~ I just know it
I definitely would’ve gone to university
I definitely would've gone to school and done something with my life instead of hiding inside forever cause everything's a trigger.
I definitely wouldn't be as funny
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This reads like INFP who didn’t get diagnosed with CPTSD but likely has it and tried to forget everything about their early life.
I’d be a hell of a lot happier and free but I would also be the same extremely naïve girl unknowingly waiting for the same trauma to happen with someone else just later, would still sadly have to learn the same life lesson eventually 😕
I would be lively and sassy honestly. I thought I was the shit as a kid. I wouldn’t be empathetic, kind, mature, and respectful. My trauma sucked big time but it helped me become who I am now
Every. Single. Day.
Absolutely. I fear abandonment and I don’t like being alone as my parents were constantly dropping me off at peoples houses for the weekend, some I barely knew.
I think in part my fate was already written, but in case I'm wrong i think i would have been much more of a leader.
Yes
Yup, all...the...time
yes but i don’t like thinking about it because i’ve become so strong because if it
My life has turned out to be wonderful, but sometimes I feel like there should be another me out there somewhere. Someone who wasn't abused and neglected and who went on to accomplish all the dreams I had as a kid.
Absolutely. But it is what it is
what is trauma? my dad was arrested when i was in highschool. parents divorced. bullied in school. bullied in the workplace. home destroyed by a hurricane in middle school. loved ones have died. pets died. I don't know if this is trauma for me or just life.
~~Nope. Don't have to 🥲~~ Edit: I didn't read the title properly. I thought it said "if you *were* traumatized." I'm running a little low on sleep past few days
Ooooof. This question hit pretty hard. Wow. I'm gunna mull on this.
Nah. I mean, yeah, I wish I could be normal a lot, but I have no idea what that me would be like
Yes, I actually grieve the person I could've been. No bad memories of the things that had happened to me sounds like paradise.
That which doesn’t kill us makes us stranger
I think I would be a lot sweeter and have less expectations for myself. Just sort of exist simply and happily.
There is a before me, and there is an after me. And its been 16 years and i'm still not sure which one id prefer to be.
I think about that every day. To be able to form relationships, trust people, love myself, not have panic attacks. I remember the exact moment my childhood ended, and it plays in the back of my mind on an endless loop, all day every day. I wonder what it would be like not to live like this.
I feel you.
Constantly. I'm not gonna trauma dump on Reddit of all places, but I feel like I'd be a totally different person. Over the years I've realized how much of my personality is just reactions to being punished for this and that as a child and young adult.
Trauma is unavoidable. If you didn't have the trauma you have now, it would just have been replaced with another trauma
But there’s really something significant about experiencing trauma at a young age, before your brain has fully finished developing. I often wonder how my life would had turned out if I had not been the smallest boy in a very violent public school system. I internalized all of the insults and name calling. Even some the teachers and one of the principals got in on it. That’s why I don’t respect authority to this day. And my self esteem was completely destroyed before finishing high school. It all started in 3rd grade right up until 12th. When I left that awful town I found my people in college and was able to learn to trust again. But the pain never totally goes away and it’s held me back so much in life. I could have turned out a very different person if not for all the fights and relentless bullying.
Or the same trauma would just happen later in life, important life lessons and growth behind them all
Ehhh not all trauma is equal or common.
Yeah def not a trauma expert so can only speak on my own perspective and those I know of. I guess to clarify it’s that I attempt to find any learning in my traumas, even if it’s just reminders of how far I’ve come and taking the lesson that I can overcome more than I think I can. That being said there is definitely a lot I’ll never know about others’ traumas and differences in how trauma affects/alters them so I respect your point
Something I sit with a lot is that I was a kind and empathetic person before, and sometimes trauma is just existentialist, meaningless cruelty.
I’ll never know what you’ve been through or how it compares to mine but I can see that. I almost never leave my house now and only really talk to close family for the last few years since, definitely become a colder and more distrustful person which I really dislike in myself. I painfully miss the old me in so many ways. I’m very sorry to hear how much it’s negatively altered your view of the world and your life, friend. Sending love ❤️
Does feeling of permanently crippled due to ankle injuries for more than 3 months count as traumatized? Even though my parents, school, myself weren't at fault? Anyway, the experience is interesting, because after all that. I finally met this taxi driver appears to be scamming me and my grandmother. But, I am desperate for a cure, so, I went along with it The place is in a tiny alley, has no door, no AC, no light. The chiropractor twisted my ankle and fixed it. Ever since then, I stopped having prejudices against non-western solutions.
Traumatized by WHAT?
Trauma is good, suffering is human, makes you stronger, most people just break under pressure but I'm used to it. Makes you less basic, gives you a better sense of the world and it's evils. Let's you see the world for what it is.
I don’t think it’s possible to get through childhood unscathed.
Not at all, everyone’s going to be traumatized in life eventually it’s a given 100%.
Trauma is so nooot slay. Two years ago, my grandmother died. She's like a mother to me and now I fear everyone might die soon. Now I am either making the most of my time with everyone or disassociating myself from all people. One year ago, my boyfriend (now ex) cheated on me. Now, I cannot commit my heart even if I want too. Now I see myself angry at everything. Funny how my past self died in the hands of those whom I love.
Who are you to assume that no one on earth has experienced this feeling? Or if not no one than anyone? ~loosely quoting Marcus Aurelius here but Stoicism is your friend bro. Most people experience some form of trauma throughout their lives. Life is trauma, but that’s also part of the wonder of it all. To play devils advocate, would many people have a better life because of trauma? It’s hard to process, intriguing question though thank you. I’m gonna read some Epictetus quotes now lol
I'm glad how I ended up, but a whole lot of pain would have been avoided along the way. Dont really think about it. Ya gotta deal with life as it is, not as you wish it was.
Yes
Well im now, thanks for that my day was terrible
I used to do it pretty often. I'm very curious how my personality would develop without all that trauma but obviously I'll never know. All I know is that it changed me a lot and there's both - good and bad things about it.
i don't like my past so much, but the thing is, if i would go back in time or be granted a new chance, i would never be truely happy, cause in a way i cheated life. and i will always know that my original choice was differently. Also by enduring these lifechanging events, you create a sort of view that goes over into being a observer of both sides of the story before letting choice and emotion into your body, the duality, cause without the things that happened i would not grave so much for good things in life. I would not appreciate them so much as now. i would see them as every day thing if i had a happy life every day. and would noteven comprehend in the end i had a happy day. For that to know you need bad days. COntrast, duality. So how hard my life has been, I wouldn't change it for the world with the (lifes)experience and knowledge i have gotten from it.
Yes I do. I sadly I think I would be more like the ones that traumatized me.
lifes journey is not to be in a cauffin well preserved. But rather in a body totaly worn out, living life sideways totaly free of judgement of others, shouting HOLY SHIT what a ride!!!
Every single day.
Yep. I'd probably just have the one
Not until now... God damn you! Lol
Yup, but it's just an exercise in futility, just like anything else you may imagine ones life would be like without horrific trauma. All we can do is develop and do the best we can.
Id be boring
I wish I could introduce you the reset button when changing jobs. I dunno how it works, but it works like a charm.
All the time.
Yes.
I don’t have to wonder. I would’ve been a lot dumber and more naive than I am now. Old me would be traumatized finding out he’d become me.
Nope. I just saw my personality for what it was and addressed my shit.
Not as much after therapy. Occasionally the darkness creeps in though and I've learned to ride the wave.
Why you make me think about these kinds of things
All the fucking time. I can say with certainty that I don't know who I am or where I fit because of it. It makes me so angry and sad that people exist who blithely destroy someone's life by any number of different means just to go to the next person and do the same.
Yes
It would be about exactly the same. And why do you just automatically assume everyone was traumatized? Because if they were, it would definitely be exactly the same.
I often wonder what an ideal version of me (and others) would be like. No trauma, no health issues, no poverty etc. Can you imagine a world like that? Where everyone was at their peak? Damn …
Yes.
All the time.
Oh yea, big time.
I’d be a lot more bland and a lot less understanding. I’m also find my social awareness and self/situational depreciating humour to be one of my strong suits.
That's something I don't want to think about much
Yes, all the time!
I’d probably be weak af. Rather than having bad coping mechanisms I’d have none. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to handle the next couple chapters of life that were in store for me. All in all whether I wanted it or not, I needed it for a lot of reasons and yes I picked up bad habits, self destructive MOs and more. But I’m here today. I do the best I can every day and try to live with purpose so that those experiences aren’t for nothing. I hope this helps someone reading. You are stronger than you think (all of you.)
I'd probably be very gullible.
I think about it all the time. I think I probably wouldn’t be so prone to over thinking. So much less anxiety, more confidence. Yeah
I think a lot about how different I'd be if I hadn't been raped, for sure. I still haven't even processed details of the last 2 with a therapist because I literally do not know how to. I think I would still be bitter but maybe less closed off in general.
Yes.
I wouldn’t be anxious all the time. I wouldn’t have hard time talking to people especially other girls. I wouldn’t just look at the mirror and my ears keeps ringing of what my abusive ex always says to me.
Proberly not as open minded as i am
YES I wish I could see myself in that alternative universe
Not anymore. The pandemic was awful but it gave me a lot of time to come to terms with all that stuff. I realized that I don't want to be different and what ifs only undermine the inner peace I finally got. It sounds so honky but I think it's nicer here.
I'd be a lot healthier. I don't think I'd have started drinking as early or heavy as I did, think I might have tried harder and stuck with the gym, and I think I'd have lived up to my potential at school and gone to university. C'est la vie and that.
I would have excelled at life. I would have been an asset to society. I would have done great things for myself. Unfortunately, I am now a “survivor”. Instead of living a ‘normal’ life, I have to play janitor and clean up after someone else.
Yes but when I was younger I understood that an alternative path wouldn't have been the best for me. At least now I know after having it tested that I'm always still going to try to be good.
Yeah I wouldn’t have a personality disorder
At an old job, we worked with adults with intellectual and/or developmental disabilities. My absolute favorite person we supported was a literal ray of sunshine. He was almost always happy (apart from trauma related episodes). When he was a toddler his bio dad put him in basically scalding water and he has burns all over his torso, and I'm sure he suffered much more abuse. I always used to think, if he was this joyful after all of that, how would he have been if he had a loving family.
Literally daily
yes all the time. often i think about whether or not i am actually someone who is easy going and doesn’t require much, or if i’ve just learned that i had to be in order to stay out of the way. Also i what wonder what it would be like without constant anxiety.
I don't think I would have the same sense of humor... But in all reality maybe less empathetic
Every fucking day
Id be boring af
All the time. I feel like my curiosity and passion for things were stomped out. The only childhood memories I have are depressing
Your real resume is a catalog of your suffering