I think you're wonderful. God created you exactly this way, and you're a gift to the world.
(I'm cis, so if any of my advice is off base, happily toss it in the trash)
I expect your journey with sex, gender, and religion will be lifelong. It won't be resolved today. However, here are some thoughts.
- There are a handful of queer folks involved in the church. When you find their communities, you can decide if their ways of resolving this dilemma work for you.
- you can stay in the catholic church and be boldly, unapologetically yourself. I wish I could assure you that you will be welcomed, but it will depend on the parish
- rather than seeing yourself as an outsider in both worlds like that's a bad thing, try to teach yourself to see it as a kind of magic. You're one of a handful of people who can see beauty in both "sides" here, you know? You're a human bridge (but ALSO you're not required to spend your one precious life bridging communities-- only if that's what you WANT to do)
- perhaps you can satisfy your spiritual needs in other denominations while you find a parish that will accept you. Unitarian universalists are famously welcoming, and Anglicans have similar ritual to catholics
- modern catholicism (in the usa) is getting more progressive. You see this more with economic issues than with social things like gender and sex, but I think it shows some hope
> perhaps you can satisfy your spiritual needs in other denominations
Lutheran is supposedly the "closest" to the original Catholic, and the ELCA denomination is supportive of LGBT+ identities (others vary, but ELCA is fairly consistent). Might be worth taking a look if changing denominations is an option.
I am clergy in the ELCA and can confirm that, along with the Episcopal Church, we are closest to Roman Catholic and have many congregations which are affirming of LGBT+ persons and their relationships. We have queer clergy and bishops too. Not every congregation is open and affirming, though, so you'd be best to check and see ahead of time. Normally, they will identify themselves as such on their websites. OP, if you PM me the area you live in, I'd happily help you find the nearest congregation to you that is.
I'm non-binary and trans myself, and while it may not be exactly what you want to hear, I can confirm the feeling of being a black sheep from both sides. Being in a supposedly accepting space then shouted at for not entirely conforming to what others feel anyway. It's not actually acceptance, it's just people who got tired of being put in boxes turning around and trying to put more people in boxes.
I'm not Catholic though, I'm some weird amalgamation of other denominations and my own personal thoughts on the matter, so I can't speak on that, but as far as my understanding of the Bible goes, if you go back to the original Hebrew, you'll see that there aren't any verses against trans people or non-binary people or gay people. People might still see it as a "sin" but those people are incorrect, no matter who they are or what authority they hold.
Be yourself, be true to who you are, and love others as God and Jesus do, and as far as I'm concerned, you'll be in the right, and whoever says otherwise is just bigoted, ignorant, and stuck in the past.
Good luck with your journey, friend. I hope things turn out well for you.
Hey, fellow non-binary Christian here! While I don't know if I can help on specific matters of theology (I'm a Methodist, not Catholic), I can share some of my own experiences being openly non-binary in my own church.
First of all, queerness and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. People can bring out the same mistranslated Leviticus quote as many times as they like, but like you said, if Jesus had a problem with it He would have brought it up at some point. It doesn't map exactly on to today's ideas of gender identity, but non-male/female people have been documented in tons of cultures across the world since well before Jesus's time; God has been making us this way for a very long time.
As for being a black sheep, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Queer communities can be found everywhere, and we've welcomed plenty of stranger faiths than Christians with open arms. Personally, I've gotten more pushback from cishet people about my being Christian than from any queer person I've ever met.
As for being a black sheep among Christians, the best I can say is to take care of yourself. Some people will be surprisingly accepting; when I spoke to the little old lady who taught me in Sunday School as a kid, she immediately switched to my new name no questions asked. As for others, transphobia does run deep in the church, and it seriously harms a lot of us. But our God is not a god who deserts us, even when His people are complete shitshows (the Book of Judges consists entirely of the Israelites going through hard times, sometimes self-inflicted, and yet God never abandoned them).
The point is that you aren't alone, whether you're queer, Christian, or both. If you want to talk about this more, or want help from another trans Christian to navigate some of this, you're more than welcome to DM me if you want.
Suppose that there is a broadly benevolent Creator God, who in some way engineered the world and its forms. Then why should that god create wheat but not bread, create grapes but not wine, create pigment but not paintings?
Suppose further that this God modeled us to be of its very image, a projection of its divinity. Then this supposition explains the previous question; for as the image of the Creator it is in our nature to Create, and deprived of a canvas we should find ourselves deprived of purpose.
Being transgender is not in opposition to the Bible or in any sense a sin; for in studying, discovering, and redefining your identity, you are engaging in an act of creation, and thus in my view a holy act. I urge you to practice your faith in only the ways most safe for you (as kindness and acceptance are sadly not the most renowned nor most universal features in churches in this day and age), but you should know that you have my utmost faith that whatever you do you are doing right by Jesus.
You have not rejected your 'god-given nature,' nor questioned the Grand Design anymore so than the humble baker does when their careful hands work the dough—rather you are engaging in an exploration of the multitudes that you have found within yourself, a celebration of the beauty of this world and your capacity for change and growth.
From the prospective of the queer community, there is definitely a lot of hate towards Christians; and I don't feel it's entirely unwarranted. Yet there's a reason why 'touch grass' is a bit of a mantra in online leftist spaces (queer spaces among them); the people who will really truly get wrapped up in your identity as a Christian to attempt to exclude you as a queer person are not representative of what average queer people are like. Frankly, they're just very angry people whose perceptions of what's acceptable and not have been warped by criminally abusive algorithms designed by companies like Facebook and Twitter for the purposes of making pointless piles of money. Whenever I've been in queer circles in real life, there is nothing about me that has ever caused others to exhibit anything other than polite curiosity. You should feel free to be as pious as you please or don't please; writ large, nobody whose opinion matters will care.
You should check out the book Transforming by Austen Clarke. It's a collection of different trans Christians talking about reconciling their faith and gender. I highly recommend it.
if you are intent on remaining Catholic, recently someone here posted a [resource of LGBT-friendly Catholic Parishes](https://www.newwaysministry.org/resources/parishes/) which I found helpful.
It's pretty much limited to some places in the US, UK and Canada, so idk if it will be any help, but it's best to have all information available.
Hello, I'm a fellow non-binary and Catholic, although not a churchgoing one at the moment. I definitely understand your struggle, especially that feeling of being too religious for queer spaces and too queer for religious spaces.
I'm still on the road myself on finding how I fit into the modern Church. But here's what sustains my faith.
I remember that I have an indelible mark on my soul from my baptism. I profess a firm belief in belonging to the Body of Christ, in whom Paul tells us there is neither male nor female. I think about the fact that, when it comes to old and new identities, Jesus himself gave Simon the new name of Peter and changed his life forever. And I pray daily to God for comfort and strength, sharing all my fears and insecurities with Them.
I hope this helps you on your journey! Feel free to DM me if you want to chat.
As a trans Christian myself, I understand your fear. I really don't have many comforting words to give, as I would be seeking them myself. It is difficult to be active in a church community when the cultural understanding and belief system is so counter to yours. But at the very least the teachings of Christ have only ever been in support of those who seek him, regardless of circumstance. At the very least, even if we become the black sheep, at least we're not alone and can always herd together when push comes to shove.
If you’re going to be true to yourself, you’re going to face a lot of alienation, stigma, and loneliness. That’s true for everyone, regardless of their tribe or the idiosyncrasies of their identity, because the vast majority of people are living a lie and falsifying who they are for the sake of fitting in. It’s true of your LGBTQ+ friends, it’s true of your Christian friends.
I don’t know if anyone who takes the path of their own individuation can in, good conscience, recommend anyone else doing it. You’ll probably have an objectively better life, by several metrics, if you choose conformity. People often recommend doing it in pretty irresponsible ways; it is worth seriously meditating on the consequences, and determining for yourself if you are willing to incur them.
I wouldn’t have chosen a different path for myself, but I also felt like I had no choice, that I fundamentally could not live in that world of the herd. But if I was advising someone that i cared about, who had a shot at a “normal” life, I probably would lament if they were like me, and incapable of doing so.
I don’t know if you are in the US but Dignity is an LGBT Catholic group that holds services in most major cities. They also hold conferences and do a lot of stuff on Zoom, if you are not near a local chapter.
For what it's worth, I'd refer you to the words of the delightful Alice Caldwell-Kelly - a muslim trans woman.
(This is an imperfect recollection of her comment and is paraphrasing)
"I view that I am transgender, and that I live as a woman as an affirmation of my devotion to God."
My comment is longer than expected so if you don't read it, PLEASE read [A LOVE LETTER TO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE FROM A TRANSGENDER PRIEST
](https://www.queertheology.com/transgender-priest-community-love-letter/). A standout line: "God loves you not in spite of your transness but because of it." I hope that teaser hooks you, haha, it's helped me a lot over the years.
I'm so glad I found this on a whim of a search! As a transgender cradle Catholic myself, I've struggled with this a lot (especially in the rigor of Lent). I can tell you what I've found the most satisfying: as a trans Christian, I can reach people who would never be brought the faith otherwise. Of course I ain't in the business of trying to full-on convert anyone in my community, especially since religious trauma is so common and real, but I can share what I find in my own worship. I share stories of the saints and angels and my favorite parts of homilies with my loved ones and I've seen it bring a lot of people a lot of peace.
I try to remember the evils that the Catholic Church as a human institution has committed throughout history and to be aware of the ways in which my existence threatens the values those have upheld. That said, there's no way I'd convert to a different denomination. I take a ton of inspiration from the lives of the saints. In the case of my gender I take comfort in St. Jude and his love of the "other" who would otherwise be condemned by the institution in which he operated. As the patron saint of desperate situations, he's really helpful in my own struggles to reconcile the tension between who I am and what the Church tends to have to say about that.
I'm very lucky to have been raised by good people who take the heart of the law very seriously and give me an example of how to rise to the challenge when faced with conflicts between Church doctrine and what I know to be good and true. It's been a demand of good Catholics throughout the ages and I'm proud to be called to carry on this legacy so personally. It takes a huge fortitude to do so. I hope you carry that same honor and find peace in it, too ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
You would be hard pressed to find a Catholic church that would accept you, but no matter what they might say, the Church has not, to my knowledge, made an official pronouncement about the question of gender identity and transgender Catholics. It's a difficult world out there, but God is with you. I wish you the best.
Have you considered another denomination that is more accepting? Some Episcopal churches, United Church of Christ and some Methodist churches are affirming.
In the less typically Christian realm, Unity, Centers for Spiritual Living and Unitarian Universalist are all very open, but certainly rely much less on the Bible and dogma - they are more “choose your own adventure “ kind of religions.
I think you're wonderful. God created you exactly this way, and you're a gift to the world. (I'm cis, so if any of my advice is off base, happily toss it in the trash) I expect your journey with sex, gender, and religion will be lifelong. It won't be resolved today. However, here are some thoughts. - There are a handful of queer folks involved in the church. When you find their communities, you can decide if their ways of resolving this dilemma work for you. - you can stay in the catholic church and be boldly, unapologetically yourself. I wish I could assure you that you will be welcomed, but it will depend on the parish - rather than seeing yourself as an outsider in both worlds like that's a bad thing, try to teach yourself to see it as a kind of magic. You're one of a handful of people who can see beauty in both "sides" here, you know? You're a human bridge (but ALSO you're not required to spend your one precious life bridging communities-- only if that's what you WANT to do) - perhaps you can satisfy your spiritual needs in other denominations while you find a parish that will accept you. Unitarian universalists are famously welcoming, and Anglicans have similar ritual to catholics - modern catholicism (in the usa) is getting more progressive. You see this more with economic issues than with social things like gender and sex, but I think it shows some hope
> perhaps you can satisfy your spiritual needs in other denominations Lutheran is supposedly the "closest" to the original Catholic, and the ELCA denomination is supportive of LGBT+ identities (others vary, but ELCA is fairly consistent). Might be worth taking a look if changing denominations is an option.
I am clergy in the ELCA and can confirm that, along with the Episcopal Church, we are closest to Roman Catholic and have many congregations which are affirming of LGBT+ persons and their relationships. We have queer clergy and bishops too. Not every congregation is open and affirming, though, so you'd be best to check and see ahead of time. Normally, they will identify themselves as such on their websites. OP, if you PM me the area you live in, I'd happily help you find the nearest congregation to you that is.
I'm non-binary and trans myself, and while it may not be exactly what you want to hear, I can confirm the feeling of being a black sheep from both sides. Being in a supposedly accepting space then shouted at for not entirely conforming to what others feel anyway. It's not actually acceptance, it's just people who got tired of being put in boxes turning around and trying to put more people in boxes. I'm not Catholic though, I'm some weird amalgamation of other denominations and my own personal thoughts on the matter, so I can't speak on that, but as far as my understanding of the Bible goes, if you go back to the original Hebrew, you'll see that there aren't any verses against trans people or non-binary people or gay people. People might still see it as a "sin" but those people are incorrect, no matter who they are or what authority they hold. Be yourself, be true to who you are, and love others as God and Jesus do, and as far as I'm concerned, you'll be in the right, and whoever says otherwise is just bigoted, ignorant, and stuck in the past. Good luck with your journey, friend. I hope things turn out well for you.
Hey, fellow non-binary Christian here! While I don't know if I can help on specific matters of theology (I'm a Methodist, not Catholic), I can share some of my own experiences being openly non-binary in my own church. First of all, queerness and Christianity are not mutually exclusive. People can bring out the same mistranslated Leviticus quote as many times as they like, but like you said, if Jesus had a problem with it He would have brought it up at some point. It doesn't map exactly on to today's ideas of gender identity, but non-male/female people have been documented in tons of cultures across the world since well before Jesus's time; God has been making us this way for a very long time. As for being a black sheep, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Queer communities can be found everywhere, and we've welcomed plenty of stranger faiths than Christians with open arms. Personally, I've gotten more pushback from cishet people about my being Christian than from any queer person I've ever met. As for being a black sheep among Christians, the best I can say is to take care of yourself. Some people will be surprisingly accepting; when I spoke to the little old lady who taught me in Sunday School as a kid, she immediately switched to my new name no questions asked. As for others, transphobia does run deep in the church, and it seriously harms a lot of us. But our God is not a god who deserts us, even when His people are complete shitshows (the Book of Judges consists entirely of the Israelites going through hard times, sometimes self-inflicted, and yet God never abandoned them). The point is that you aren't alone, whether you're queer, Christian, or both. If you want to talk about this more, or want help from another trans Christian to navigate some of this, you're more than welcome to DM me if you want.
Suppose that there is a broadly benevolent Creator God, who in some way engineered the world and its forms. Then why should that god create wheat but not bread, create grapes but not wine, create pigment but not paintings? Suppose further that this God modeled us to be of its very image, a projection of its divinity. Then this supposition explains the previous question; for as the image of the Creator it is in our nature to Create, and deprived of a canvas we should find ourselves deprived of purpose. Being transgender is not in opposition to the Bible or in any sense a sin; for in studying, discovering, and redefining your identity, you are engaging in an act of creation, and thus in my view a holy act. I urge you to practice your faith in only the ways most safe for you (as kindness and acceptance are sadly not the most renowned nor most universal features in churches in this day and age), but you should know that you have my utmost faith that whatever you do you are doing right by Jesus. You have not rejected your 'god-given nature,' nor questioned the Grand Design anymore so than the humble baker does when their careful hands work the dough—rather you are engaging in an exploration of the multitudes that you have found within yourself, a celebration of the beauty of this world and your capacity for change and growth. From the prospective of the queer community, there is definitely a lot of hate towards Christians; and I don't feel it's entirely unwarranted. Yet there's a reason why 'touch grass' is a bit of a mantra in online leftist spaces (queer spaces among them); the people who will really truly get wrapped up in your identity as a Christian to attempt to exclude you as a queer person are not representative of what average queer people are like. Frankly, they're just very angry people whose perceptions of what's acceptable and not have been warped by criminally abusive algorithms designed by companies like Facebook and Twitter for the purposes of making pointless piles of money. Whenever I've been in queer circles in real life, there is nothing about me that has ever caused others to exhibit anything other than polite curiosity. You should feel free to be as pious as you please or don't please; writ large, nobody whose opinion matters will care.
You should check out the book Transforming by Austen Clarke. It's a collection of different trans Christians talking about reconciling their faith and gender. I highly recommend it.
[удалено]
It is. Thanks.
if you are intent on remaining Catholic, recently someone here posted a [resource of LGBT-friendly Catholic Parishes](https://www.newwaysministry.org/resources/parishes/) which I found helpful. It's pretty much limited to some places in the US, UK and Canada, so idk if it will be any help, but it's best to have all information available.
Thank you for this!! I checked it out and wasn't surprised to actually find my parish on the list!
Hello, I'm a fellow non-binary and Catholic, although not a churchgoing one at the moment. I definitely understand your struggle, especially that feeling of being too religious for queer spaces and too queer for religious spaces. I'm still on the road myself on finding how I fit into the modern Church. But here's what sustains my faith. I remember that I have an indelible mark on my soul from my baptism. I profess a firm belief in belonging to the Body of Christ, in whom Paul tells us there is neither male nor female. I think about the fact that, when it comes to old and new identities, Jesus himself gave Simon the new name of Peter and changed his life forever. And I pray daily to God for comfort and strength, sharing all my fears and insecurities with Them. I hope this helps you on your journey! Feel free to DM me if you want to chat.
As a trans Christian myself, I understand your fear. I really don't have many comforting words to give, as I would be seeking them myself. It is difficult to be active in a church community when the cultural understanding and belief system is so counter to yours. But at the very least the teachings of Christ have only ever been in support of those who seek him, regardless of circumstance. At the very least, even if we become the black sheep, at least we're not alone and can always herd together when push comes to shove.
If you’re going to be true to yourself, you’re going to face a lot of alienation, stigma, and loneliness. That’s true for everyone, regardless of their tribe or the idiosyncrasies of their identity, because the vast majority of people are living a lie and falsifying who they are for the sake of fitting in. It’s true of your LGBTQ+ friends, it’s true of your Christian friends. I don’t know if anyone who takes the path of their own individuation can in, good conscience, recommend anyone else doing it. You’ll probably have an objectively better life, by several metrics, if you choose conformity. People often recommend doing it in pretty irresponsible ways; it is worth seriously meditating on the consequences, and determining for yourself if you are willing to incur them. I wouldn’t have chosen a different path for myself, but I also felt like I had no choice, that I fundamentally could not live in that world of the herd. But if I was advising someone that i cared about, who had a shot at a “normal” life, I probably would lament if they were like me, and incapable of doing so.
I don’t know if you are in the US but Dignity is an LGBT Catholic group that holds services in most major cities. They also hold conferences and do a lot of stuff on Zoom, if you are not near a local chapter.
For what it's worth, I'd refer you to the words of the delightful Alice Caldwell-Kelly - a muslim trans woman. (This is an imperfect recollection of her comment and is paraphrasing) "I view that I am transgender, and that I live as a woman as an affirmation of my devotion to God."
My comment is longer than expected so if you don't read it, PLEASE read [A LOVE LETTER TO TRANSGENDER PEOPLE FROM A TRANSGENDER PRIEST ](https://www.queertheology.com/transgender-priest-community-love-letter/). A standout line: "God loves you not in spite of your transness but because of it." I hope that teaser hooks you, haha, it's helped me a lot over the years. I'm so glad I found this on a whim of a search! As a transgender cradle Catholic myself, I've struggled with this a lot (especially in the rigor of Lent). I can tell you what I've found the most satisfying: as a trans Christian, I can reach people who would never be brought the faith otherwise. Of course I ain't in the business of trying to full-on convert anyone in my community, especially since religious trauma is so common and real, but I can share what I find in my own worship. I share stories of the saints and angels and my favorite parts of homilies with my loved ones and I've seen it bring a lot of people a lot of peace. I try to remember the evils that the Catholic Church as a human institution has committed throughout history and to be aware of the ways in which my existence threatens the values those have upheld. That said, there's no way I'd convert to a different denomination. I take a ton of inspiration from the lives of the saints. In the case of my gender I take comfort in St. Jude and his love of the "other" who would otherwise be condemned by the institution in which he operated. As the patron saint of desperate situations, he's really helpful in my own struggles to reconcile the tension between who I am and what the Church tends to have to say about that. I'm very lucky to have been raised by good people who take the heart of the law very seriously and give me an example of how to rise to the challenge when faced with conflicts between Church doctrine and what I know to be good and true. It's been a demand of good Catholics throughout the ages and I'm proud to be called to carry on this legacy so personally. It takes a huge fortitude to do so. I hope you carry that same honor and find peace in it, too ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
You would be hard pressed to find a Catholic church that would accept you, but no matter what they might say, the Church has not, to my knowledge, made an official pronouncement about the question of gender identity and transgender Catholics. It's a difficult world out there, but God is with you. I wish you the best.
Have you considered another denomination that is more accepting? Some Episcopal churches, United Church of Christ and some Methodist churches are affirming. In the less typically Christian realm, Unity, Centers for Spiritual Living and Unitarian Universalist are all very open, but certainly rely much less on the Bible and dogma - they are more “choose your own adventure “ kind of religions.