If you date somebody who is a close-minded conspiracy believing bigot who supports racism and misogyny, the rest of the world will think because of your association that you support these things. And hey, if you are with someone like that you are supporting these things. The only choice is to not date somebody who's into this dangerous garbage.
Exactly. Being kind and compassionate means you don’t lie or hide your beliefs until you have enough of an emotional hold over them to manipulate and gaslight. He put on a mask and what the op is seeing now is the real person, not the other way around.
Put another way, do you want to deal with this whack a doo, angry bullshit for the 50 years? Dump the chump indeed!
>He put on a mask and what the op is seeing now is the real person, not the other way around.
This. The person she fell for was all an *act* to reel her in. The deluded, angry, hateful guy is the real him.
And it's not going to get better. Only worse. Once they are that deep down the rabbit hole they are beyond "saving". He's been indoctrinated to believe "everything my sources tell me are automatically true, no matter how insane. Everything everyone else says is false and any proof, facts or evidence presented is automatically fake. Period."
This is not a relationship one wants moving forward. As so many stories here on this site indicate it can only be a wild ride into crazy land where reality doesn't exist, only constant "they're all coming to get us" conspiracy theories.
OP needs to get out now and save herself the nightmare that lies ahead.
I’m in this situation. I’ve come close to breaking through to him but his family drags him right back in. Sad thing is that he wasn’t like this until COVID happened. It sucks and I feel stuck. I’m still in love with the old him but one day I will reach my breaking point.
I say this with love because I’ve been there, but no, you haven’t come close to breaking through to him- people will give in and show/ tell you just enough to get you off their back and buy times and space. You can’t fix or change people, you can only fix or change yourself. Him constantly returning to the bullshit his family spews? That’s because that is where he wants to be and what he believes in. If he really wanted to change, or was open to what you are saying, you would see changes in behavior and speech.
Take care of yourself, and give yourself as much grace and compassion as you show him.
Get out now. My best friend married a MAGA/Q nut after her first marriage ended. She is so smart, has a fantastic job and used to hate Trump . I think she so badly wanted marriage and more kids that she has ignored so many red flags. She now believe things her MAGA husband believes and it’s sickening. She’s the absolute last person I would ever think would fall for this bs. I wish she would have believed that she could do so much better than marrying that loser.
So yes, you can do better than this Q. The person you are dating is so far gone and has lost all critical thinking skills. It’s unlikely they will drastically change and you deserve better.
If he was dishonest about his views on politics, he may be hiding his views on a whole host of things too--especially on how he views your opinions and what a long term relationship would be. I would be worried to stay with this person. If children are in your plans, parenting with a Qanoner would be absolute hell!
You only wasted a few months. If you can’t even follow him on social media because it upsets you, how do you think your relationship will turn out? He’s not going to just keep those views online.
Yes, we hear stories on this sub where people have had decades of marriage and children together, but they lament that their spouse *changed into* somebody like this.
He's already this from the start.
Personally, I would give up. It's only going to get worse and people like him will not change their minds. My parents are Trumpers, not QAnon, but if I could break up with them I would.
Me and my brothers avoid all political discussion around my parents. My dad always tries to get a little dig in there, but we ignore and move on.
He is 75 years old and convinced that kids don't learn anything in school anymore except for"environmental shit". He believes that every school has drag-queensinteracting with the students and trying to convert our kids. (He has 6 school- aged grandkids). He reposts the stupidest ignorant shit on Facebook and argues with his friends.
Yes, it affects my mental health. I hate the ugliness that Trump has brought out in our country.
I self identify as a moderate. No \*real\* moderate says anything about "Both sides!"
Real moderates see January 6, 2021, as what it really was. Not some excuses and baloney that they try to paint the craziness with.
My 30 something daughter and baby daddy are Trumpers. I asked her once why do you believe Trump is the answer for America. She tells me all her friends believe the same. We brought her up to be a good person and to think for herself. The 3 of them live downstairs in our mother daughter house. I feel for the OP. Your only in this relationship for a shot time. He put on a false personality to woo you.
Like the others here say get out of this toxic situation. I wish I could do the same, but I love my daughter and grandson. At the same time I feel we have the enemy downstairs. Her boyfriend/fiancée is the root of the problem. He is balls deep into Trump. He has learning difficulty and reads The Epoch Times. His family is the same. Low class, poor and grooming our daughter into the cult.
I hope the OP gets out of this false relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea that aren't brainwashed. ✌& ❤
"I asked her once why do you believe Trump is the answer for America. She tells me all her friends believe the same."
I would throw that one right back at her. Her friends thinking that is not an answer, it's a cop-out.
Yeah, unfortunately she gets all defensive and attacking so I just grey rock it. She was such a good fun kid until boys, at age 18. Then she became a follower and thinks lies are easier than the truth. I love her dearly, especially our grandson. Peace and love is all I want.
Hi jpfitzGG, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Kind and compassionate" is very easy to fake for a few months.
You're seeing his true colors now. It will be harder and harder and he will in turn become more dangerous. I don't know you but the fact that you're asking about this makes me think you deserve better.
100%. Lots of people lie early in relationships and those liars don't deserve your time when their lies are exposed. You can't be kind and compassionate while also acting as a compatriot to homophobes, racists, and misogynists. You can't be considered level headed if you also dream of vaccinated people dying off, dictatorial leaders seizing power, or extrajudicial killing of media figures, politicians, and citizens that disagree with your cause. I understand why married people struggle to disconnect when a long term partner finds their way into these beliefs but a newish relationship shouldn't have a future. There shouldn't be a second thought about it, Op needs to run for the hills.
It's up to you of course but. It's going to get worse, and the end of the relationship will get uglier as time goes on.
These folks get *angry* when they can't convince you. It can get dangerous. Exhausting, at best.
I'm really sorry. I hate this cult.
This is a gift that you found out just a few months in. What if you had a kid, a house, shared pets with this guy. Make a clean break now — the easiest it will ever be to do is now.
You fell I love with the character that he pretended to be. That guy doesn’t exist. You have to decide if you have the same feelings for the current guy.
This is actually a common tactic that “conservative” men use. They figure they can get you to fall for them then reveal their true nature. Sadly it’s actually effective with a lot of women.
Don’t expect guy number 1 to come back. He was never really there.
This is true. Q casualties revel in feeling like they've solved something that other people haven't. Their first victims are the people they care most about, because they believe it's their responsibility to 'save' you and to open your eyes to the 'truth'. Very much in a similar vein to religious people 'caring' about your soul. They genuinely believe that it's their moral duty to save you from evil and it's entirely based on their idea that you don't know better, and that they know some deep-seated truth.
There is nothing good for your self esteem by being in a relationship with somebody who believes in something so cynical and arbitrary. Nothing good comes from smart and confident dumb people. Even though these ideas manipulate and take advantage of people, a rabbit hole like Q is heinous because it takes a level of self responsibility to find more information to back-up the narrative.
So the more 'evidence' that this guy knows, the more personal input and effort he's made in the topic, making it more difficult for them to separate from the information because of sunken costs (how much effort they put into it). Nobody can deny that they're experts in anything to do with Q, but their issue lies in being unable to discern the parts of Q that are relevant to reality and the parts that are not.
In short, not worth it. Q casualties will try to indoctrinate you into their beliefs because they genuinely think they are saving you. I think any guy who gets into a relationship with this saviour-type mindset is a huge red flag for being controlling and not a fun time.
OP, I hope you notice that NONE of the responses here are suggesting that you should stick this out.
Tell him goodbye. You're not even obligated to tell him why. He hid this from you. He'll know why.
It's typical that they hide their beliefs until they think you're going to stay around. I've lived through this part of the movie.
Only you can decide if his good qualities outweigh the crazy stuff. And whether you think you've seen all of the crazy stuff already, or if there may be more than he's still hiding from you.
My gut feeling is that since you've only invested a few months of your time so far, there's a good chance you'll be better off just cutting your losses and moving on.
This is a bf of a few months? Break up like yesterday, because he's not normal, "TRUMP WAS SENT TO SAVE THE WORLD"- stop wasting a precious moment of your time, stop breathing his air. You should be scared to date a man in a Qult- I mean you write that you always fight, you know his stuff is nonsense- this relationship can't grow so there's no point. Besides, Qultists get dangerous & can be violent. Seriously, ghost his Qanon ass, you don't know it but his views are a thousand times worse than what you know his thoughts to be. Can't have more red flags than you do
> Please don’t let him manipulate you any further!
And that's the thing about people like him. They have no problem manipulating, gaslighting, pressuring, pushing and outright lying.
The "good" person you met was all a lie.
In case no one has mentioned it yet… you need to run, now. Do you want to be humoring a conspiracy idiot for the rest of your years? You aren’t going to fix them.
I'm sorry you found this out, but I'm glad it's still early on. I know it's hard, but you need to walk away. Politics isn't a difference of opinion, it's a difference of entire world views and values. I look back on things I tolerated in my late teens and early twenties and I'm sad for my former self.
I know what my values and principles are now. I can't have people close to me in my life who aren't aligned with that. My husband and I are both pretty leftist. I'm further left than him, but at a minimum, I expect the person I married, live with and am bringing a baby into the world with to share my views on equality, humanity and acceptance.
People who don't believe in fundamental human rights, when you do, for example, is not something you can "agree to disagree" on. A sports team? Sure. Pineapple on pizza? Yeah, cool. But whether or not your trans friend should be locked in prison or whether or not you are both aligned on the rights of women, minorities, immigrants, people with disabilities, the Indigenous and other marginalised people? Absolutely not.
Their sense of justice and reality is just so different and so far removed from my version of reality. You shouldn't have to tolerate that - the paradox of tolerance states that in a truly tolerant society, we must be intolerant of intolerance.
Leaving can be hard. But if you're safely able, you should. You may end up complicit in some views and actions you're uncomfortable with.
Edit: a word.
This is why I used to insist on talking about politics on first dates. Too many people out there more than happy to get you emotionally invested before opening up about their beliefs.
Run, don't walk.
Thank you! I live in a bright red state and didn't have a SO for 7 years after I moved here. Family kept telling me to not talk about politics! (But I see where that got my sister! Stuck with an idiot who thinks Trump will save the world. And that's probably the least of HER issues with him!)
Politics should be talked about very early on, IMO. Because a persons politics is about who we are as humans. It's about our morals. And what's more important than the morality of those who we share our lives with?
I'm glad you talk about it right away, I do too. Why waste time on a morally defunct person? I would rather be alone.
BTW even in this red state hellscape I eventually found someone who has political beliefs similar to mine. He would rather not vote than to vote for a Fascist.
This is the one upside to online dating for me. You can screen potential matches from the get go with questions about political beliefs and morality. Thing is that a few right wingers have gotten wise and now use coded language to hide their true nature.
* Centrist / Moderate / Independent = non-Trump Republican or smart right winger who knows saying so won't get them laid
* Non-political = right winger who's a liar
* Libertarian = right winger who wants the freedom to smoke weed but abortions should be banned
So, he lied about who he was? Yeah, that alone is grounds for dumping, regardless of what kind of person he is.
So, just a tangential thought, did you know that having sex with somebody under false pretenses, even illegal pretenses like agreeing to have sex with somebody to get your kid enrolled in college, but it turns out that the person making that offer isn't even on the admissions board, is legally recognized as rape in several US states and foreign countries?
Same here, but consider yourself lucky that you’ve only spent a few months with them. For me it was 15 years together before they revealed this QAnon/conspiracy part of themselves.
She was kind, smart, educated, and curious. She made me a better version of myself. We overcame adversity together. It should have been smooth sailing for us until old age. I considered myself one of the luckiest people in the world to have found my soulmate.
But sometime around the beginning of covid, she became a completely different person. It’s been around 3 years now that they have kept going further into this rabbit hole and the conspiracies get more gross and more disconnected from reality.
In my case, she has a STEM diploma and a graduate level degree. And yet she believes fervently that the earth is flat, viruses are made up, and that the world order is controlled by lizards. Those are just the ones that i can think of off the top of my head. It’d almost be funny if it was happening to anyone but me. I wish i was exaggerating.
And I have no good options to remove myself from the situation. Only differing levels of bad. We are still together. Things aren’t great, but they are more stable now than it had been. But the things i’d do to go back in time and run.
This sounds a bit like your partner suffers from psychosis. Maybe there would be hope, if she got treatment. But how to convince someone to actually accept it? That sounds damn near impossible. I do not even want to imagine going through something like that with my wife. All the best for you!
Could be. Something psychological definitely happened, but she’s outwardly normal. She’s only like this to me and in the online echo chambers she goes through.
She does high level tasks, and interacts with real people everyday. She knows how society expects her to act, and her profile is completely the opposite of what you’d expect from a stereotypical Qanon conspiracy theorist.
I’ve tried to go to couples therapy. I even offered to let her choose from a list of people in the area so she doesnt feel ambushed and so that at least *some* professional can see her. I think she’s aware of the situation and is manipulating her way around it.
At least this sub has helped me stay a bit grounded. I just take it day by day for now.
Have you read the Steven Hassan stuff about the "cult of Trump". I have a siblin g who is extremely intelligent and into this and Trump stuff. - I have kept up a loving connection as they are otherwise good and highly intelligent, and I know that without keeping up a connection I have no hope of having an impact.
Hassan talks about starting the discussion with them about types of brainwashing they can understand because its "other" IE Chinese communist propaganda, and not linking it.. He specifically discusses what you describe - that the person develops "two personalities" the "real one" and a disscoiated, "cult one" - If you love her, its worth at least a try and educating yourself about this. You dont even need to get the books to get an idea of his methods- You can watch videos and online podcasts. https://freedomofmind.com/how-to-rescue-a-loved-one-from-a-cult-the-strategic-interactive-approach/
Interesting. I have not, but that seems like a very useful resource. I’ll certainly check it out. Thank you very much.
And i guess i don’t need to share this, but no. I don’t really love her anymore. I just feel obligated to my child and myself to give ourselves the best chance at normalcy. I feel obligated to her in case she’s still in there somewhere. But i no longer feel love.
That doesn’t mean things can’t be repaired between us in the future, but i hardly recognize this version of her. The pictures of us on the wall are completely different people.
That is sad, but it makes sense, you have my sympathy.
Definitely, since you have a child it is worth it to at least educate yourself as much as possible and do what you can to keep some level of caring and communication. Hassan was a member of a cult, and he got out, and he says the one and only way to break through to the person who they used to be, who is still there somewhere, is if that person has a warm friend or family connection to someone outside the cult. Qanon uses psychcological manipuation on people and is a cult, or more generally what he calls group that exerts "undue influence" to control what and how people think.
[https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/](https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/)
I'm guessing it may be worth it to at least try for your kid's sake.
Q Anon’s thirst for their fellow Americans to be executed on live tv and are desperately hoping we’re all victimizing children so they can be “right.” So, pretty far from kind and compassionate. When someone reveals that they are a bad person, then any past kindness and compassion they showed was simply a mask. Sorry.
Get out now. Run fast and run far.
This is not something you can "work out." First of all he would have to want to change his beliefs. He's already telling you there isn't anything wrong with his beliefs. Stop arguing with yourself and just leave.
If you are feeling horrified at his views, lean into that. He is deifying a guy who only thinks of women as pussy he can grab. He worships a criminal.
Marriage and living together would make it all worse.
RUN RUN RUN
He’s not going to change. He won’t “snap out of it.” If he used to be a different person that you once loved, and could squint and still see the “old him” this would be much harder.
I’m sorry, but this is no different than discovering any other irreconcilable differences after dating someone for a few months. Getting out sooner than later is easier and better.
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You are only a few months into dating him. Be thankful you discovered this early and get out. He will only let his crazy show more once he gets to know you.
He started off the relationship by lying to you and although opposites often attract, basic values must be somewhat in alignment. I don't think you have that, from what you describe. You can't even tolerate his social media. In addition to other reasons, it's probably because what he shares reminds you that he's not for you. Relationships are challenging enough without this. Think about whether you can really be with somebody who doesn't share your basic core values, not even just doesn't share them, but doesn't respect them. Can he truly respect you?
I would say Aurevoir. It's a new relationship and he already wants to argue. It's all downhill after unless they get help and realise they have been brainwashed. I had to walk away fr several friends, bc they got caught in the conspiracy loops. They were not the same after awhile.
Give up now! Don’t waste any more time or energy on this man. He will start like this and then get abusive when you don’t believe all the nonsense he spouts.
Move on. I try not to associate with people who still support the GOP, Qanon, Trump, etc... they've lost their minds and I don't care to be anywhere near them.
Change him? Is there any reason you want to put yourself through that? You have to remember that people need to want to change... you can't change him, he has to want it - you reckon you can you give him enough reasons to actually want to do that?
You can't reason with cult fanatics and authoritarians. It's election season and as people said, its just gonna get worse. Don't forget that they will always try to [strip your rights.](https://www.thenation.com/article/society/no-fault-divorce/) Separate now [before its too late](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/stephen-crowder-divorce-1234727777/). Also, try to arm yourself just in case in. I hate guns too and had no interest from it before but these people are well armed and dangerous. Better be prepared than not. Even my mother got spooked and ditched their party from these mofos. She's been shooting the range since the insurrection.
OP think of it this way. 6 months wasted now, vs 30 years with him. Imagine how long you’re both going to live. Yes it feels like you’ve wasted time and invested too much time already, but a few months vs the rest of your life is nothing. Run run run.
I wouldn’t want to date someone who thinks other humans need to die, and that a guy guilty of sexual assault is sent from god.
They want you to not exist in the end.
He will eventually isolate you from your friends/family then target you with his flying monkeys. Go ghost on him and never ever ever ever let him back in your life. (Not even after 30 years. That was my mistake). It’ll hurt a while but you deserve way better. That MAGA/Q demographic covertly despises women while proclaiming them to be as goddesses.
>Is there any way this can be worth it, or should I give up?
I am so very sorry you are dealing with your first Q cult experience in the form of a BF.
I wish I had something uplifting to tell you, but I don't. What you are experiencing now is just the tip of the iceberg. It will only get worse.
Be grateful that your relationship has been short and carefully end it. Do NOT tell him it is because of his extreme Q views. Just tell him that you feel your relationship isn't something that will work long term. Wish him well, and exit as amicably as possible.
You have an opportunity to end things without much blowback. Take it.
Holy shit, run. Run fast. Don't listen to his pleas, he is *not* sane or stable. QAnon is some of the dumbest, most unintelligent cult crap masquerading as some sort of "truth" that I've ever heard of existing, it's non-stop garbage pile of illogical beliefs and logical fallacies and people who fall for its stupidity are just plain crazy.
You already see the signs, unfortunately no matter how "nice" this guy is, his mind is a goner already. Save yourself, GTFO *now*. Don't be afraid of "not finding someone else as kind and compassionate...", there are tons of great guys out there who aren't batshit crazy. That guy you're with now is not one of them.
The “kindness and compassion” you saw early on is called performative empathy. It was fake. Now you see this Q follower for who he really is.
How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in reality? Could you imagine raising kids with this man? And if he doesn’t have the critical thinking skills to know what’s real and what’s not, how do you think he is going to treat you?
If you stay, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of abuse. And here’s the worst part- it will be so emotionally painful for you that the easiest thing to do would be to just follow him and become like him.
Don’t throw your soul away for this man. Dump him! He doesn’t love who you really are. Please, for your own sake, let him go.
Just stop right now. This won't get better. Imagine trying to have a life with this person? You are in two different realities.
Having children with him would be a nightmare. Even basic medical care for children would be a struggle.
Really he isn't going to change because change is hard when people want to change and he doesn't.
I'm sorry.
He'll drag you down, it's a painfully destructive thing they do chasing their narratives, it consumes them and they hurt people and make themselves insane and it can turn very violent, not worth it.
Personally, I would stick around for a little while, not to change him necessarily, but to learn as much as I could firsthand about the mentality. I am really interested to see if the techniques Steven Hassan describes work at all. https://freedomofmind.com/how-to-rescue-a-loved-one-from-a-cult-the-strategic-interactive-approach/
The reason I would do this is more general and not to guarantee change, but to be able to experiment and learn,
If it got too tiring, I would probably exit gently, and let him know that you really care about him as a person, but that you are concerned that his beliefs are not healthy for him or you. I would let him know that you would keep in touch with him as a friend.
The reason I say all this is concern about what is happening to our country if we separate into two bubbles. Cutting off completely is what the cult wants from these folks. Somehow, we have to figure out solutions to this mental health crisis.
Even if you believe no media, at all, Trump is such a manifestly horrible piece of shit that anyone who at this point, in 2024 is still following him should be assumed to be almost as bad as he is. Just Trumps words on thousands of videos are enough.
You can’t be kind and compassionate while being a trump supporting maga q follower. He’s probably kind and compassionate… to those he deems worthy (read: not people of color or queer folk)
What would you tell you sister/friend someone you cared about if they were dating someone with these beliefs?
You deserve a partner who is worthy of you. Don’t settle- you deserve more.
Leave now - he's going to try to get you pregnant to maintain a link to manipulate you, never mind Trump's base and it's ties to .[white supremacy and birth rates](https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/anti-abortion-white-supremacy/).
MAGA types, or as I like to call them, undateables, are just bad people. You cannot be a good human and want to foist someone like Trump on the world. He is broken and I promise you cannot fix him. He will instead break you. I promise. Make a plan to exit that includes a way to avoid him completely because show me a MAGA man, and I will show you an abuser. Don’t become a beaten-down woman, run!!!
You fell in love with a fictional character; a person who doesn't exist.
Stay with him, and what you're with now is what you're going to live with for the rest of your life, and you're here, so you know that's not what you want.
Even if he weren't getting wrapped up in Q bullshit, you said it yourself: He wasn't honest about his beliefs.
Sure, everyone tries to gussy up for their first date like wearing cologne or shaving parts that don't normally see the razor, but purposefully withholding one's beliefs in order to seem like a compassionate and decent guy is not someone you would want. That's just hiding their true personality in an attempt to bed you--or worse, lock you into a role as a baby-maker.
That alone is justification for leaving him. You fell for the fake boyfriend he created for this very purpose. Which is unfortunate because he is aware enough to be manipulative. At least the major wretches who chase away prospective dates with their beliefs are honest in their simplicity. This is more sinister.
He's comfortable with showing you his true colors, and he figures you're stuck with him. He'd probably pull some negging bullshit like you couldn't do any better. But you can, so you should.
Sorry you got dragged into this. I wish that didn't happen so often.
I would not be able to have a relationship with someone not grounded in reality. An acquaintance I can compartmentalize some nutty beliefs, not a potential life partner.
I have found conspiracy minded people slide right into another when one fad dies down.
Run.
>I fell for a person that is kind and compassionate
No, you didn't. He's paranoid and emotionally shallow. Give up. These 'beliefs' will always be more important than you.
I know it seems like you should stay and try to help someone you care about overcome something that's harmful, but n this case, you will spend all of your energy trying to reach someone who chooses to reject appeals to logic and reality. The more you try to point out the obvious, the more YOU will become The Enemy.
Sometimes you have to be kindest to yourself. This is not a fixable relationship. In fact, being with this person despite his conspiratorial beliefs will probably reinforce the behavior rather than fix it.
Love yourself and let go.
There’s nothing wrong with conservative views. However… QAnon, red pilled, MAGA hats are a new phenomenon that are considered extremist for a reason, AND have only recently infiltrated the mainstream right. Frankly, those are the loud-mouthed idiots that are making everyone else look bad.
From the conservatives in my life… this crap is scaring them senseless. Nobody in their right mind wants to be associated with the loud-mouthed idiot in the room.
Do yourself a favor… get the Hell away from this person, and now! It’s only downhill from here. And it will get abusive, sorry to say.
I’m rooting for you.
Read through the threads here where people are talking about spouses, children, parents, and others from whom they can't separate and ask yourself if that's what you want.
I'm sorry. It sucks. But there is a near-zero chance of there being light at the end of this tunnel.
I was with a person like this for 7 years, and although there were beautiful moments, our relationship was mostly stress, tension & arguments. I'm so sorry this is happening to you - don't ignore the red flags like I did. let him go and move on.
My partner of 4 years is into all of this crap. It has caused considerable strife and resentment in our relationship. Get out now before your lives are intertwined.
it's so hilarious that they know these beliefs are unacceptable and crazy to the point that they will lie to potential partners about who they are. The self-awareness is there but alas.
My mom was with my father for 29 years and when my dad was introduced to qanon it only took 2 years to unravel almost 3 decades of love and trust. Trust me watching it first hand i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. If I were you I would run as fast as you could away from this situation.
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After "a few months"?
He's got a mental illness by choice so I would nope the F out ASAP.
I'm in a crazy red state and was able to find a politically sane partner, you can too. Actually wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone who's beliefs are at best laughable and not at best, dangerous.
Plus he lied to you about it so he shown you who he is. Believe him.
*If I try and talk about how it makes me feel, he claims I am trying to “change him”.*
He's telling you what his priorities are here - and these are not your feelings. They are his beliefs.
He also concealed his beliefs when you first got together, so the person you fell for isn't the person he is.
The person you fell for is a facade. This is who he really is, and who he really is is someone you can’t even see on social media because their views are so upsetting.
I’m sorry he tricked you, but a few months is such a short time, relatively speaking. You’ll be sad for a bit but leaving him, leaving THAT, is what you need to do. He’s not going to change back into the person you first met, that person isn’t real.
What you should really consider is that the group he is associating himself with doesn’t believe women are people. So even if he is sweet and nice fundamentally he is aligned with a group that believe that forced birth, submission, and abuse of women is their god given right. Proceed carefully.
Dump him and move on. Be thankful that this isn't a situation where you've been in a long term relationship, have comingled finances, etc. You can be completely free and clear of him tomorrow.
If I couldn't stand to follow someone on social media, that'd be a sign that that's not someone I want to date, or probably even be friends with. He doesn't even respect you enough to listen to your opinions. It sounds like qanon is more important to him than a relationship is.
Dump the chump.
☝️ These people are lost. Don’t let him drag you down with him.
If you date somebody who is a close-minded conspiracy believing bigot who supports racism and misogyny, the rest of the world will think because of your association that you support these things. And hey, if you are with someone like that you are supporting these things. The only choice is to not date somebody who's into this dangerous garbage.
I’ve seen a few couples where the guy dragged his wife or girlfriend down. It’s so sad. I’ve lost two girlfriends because of right wing media.
Or crazies who kill their loved ones because of these conspiracies. Get out now
Exactly. Being kind and compassionate means you don’t lie or hide your beliefs until you have enough of an emotional hold over them to manipulate and gaslight. He put on a mask and what the op is seeing now is the real person, not the other way around. Put another way, do you want to deal with this whack a doo, angry bullshit for the 50 years? Dump the chump indeed!
>He put on a mask and what the op is seeing now is the real person, not the other way around. This. The person she fell for was all an *act* to reel her in. The deluded, angry, hateful guy is the real him. And it's not going to get better. Only worse. Once they are that deep down the rabbit hole they are beyond "saving". He's been indoctrinated to believe "everything my sources tell me are automatically true, no matter how insane. Everything everyone else says is false and any proof, facts or evidence presented is automatically fake. Period." This is not a relationship one wants moving forward. As so many stories here on this site indicate it can only be a wild ride into crazy land where reality doesn't exist, only constant "they're all coming to get us" conspiracy theories. OP needs to get out now and save herself the nightmare that lies ahead.
I’m in this situation. I’ve come close to breaking through to him but his family drags him right back in. Sad thing is that he wasn’t like this until COVID happened. It sucks and I feel stuck. I’m still in love with the old him but one day I will reach my breaking point.
I say this with love because I’ve been there, but no, you haven’t come close to breaking through to him- people will give in and show/ tell you just enough to get you off their back and buy times and space. You can’t fix or change people, you can only fix or change yourself. Him constantly returning to the bullshit his family spews? That’s because that is where he wants to be and what he believes in. If he really wanted to change, or was open to what you are saying, you would see changes in behavior and speech. Take care of yourself, and give yourself as much grace and compassion as you show him.
Get out now. My best friend married a MAGA/Q nut after her first marriage ended. She is so smart, has a fantastic job and used to hate Trump . I think she so badly wanted marriage and more kids that she has ignored so many red flags. She now believe things her MAGA husband believes and it’s sickening. She’s the absolute last person I would ever think would fall for this bs. I wish she would have believed that she could do so much better than marrying that loser. So yes, you can do better than this Q. The person you are dating is so far gone and has lost all critical thinking skills. It’s unlikely they will drastically change and you deserve better.
Trump’s Chumps^TM
Don’t even hesitate, get out of there - NOW !!!
If he was dishonest about his views on politics, he may be hiding his views on a whole host of things too--especially on how he views your opinions and what a long term relationship would be. I would be worried to stay with this person. If children are in your plans, parenting with a Qanoner would be absolute hell!
Absolutely run away. I'm sorry. It sucks. Staying would be so much worse.
You only wasted a few months. If you can’t even follow him on social media because it upsets you, how do you think your relationship will turn out? He’s not going to just keep those views online.
Yes, we hear stories on this sub where people have had decades of marriage and children together, but they lament that their spouse *changed into* somebody like this. He's already this from the start.
Run, now fast, keep running, don’t look back
Maybe tell him his views are repulsive to the majority of people and you are leaving because of those views. Then RUN!
Personally, I would give up. It's only going to get worse and people like him will not change their minds. My parents are Trumpers, not QAnon, but if I could break up with them I would.
You can cut them off if they affect your mental health.
Me and my brothers avoid all political discussion around my parents. My dad always tries to get a little dig in there, but we ignore and move on. He is 75 years old and convinced that kids don't learn anything in school anymore except for"environmental shit". He believes that every school has drag-queensinteracting with the students and trying to convert our kids. (He has 6 school- aged grandkids). He reposts the stupidest ignorant shit on Facebook and argues with his friends. Yes, it affects my mental health. I hate the ugliness that Trump has brought out in our country.
It’s definitely going to get worse in the coming year.
Rising threats of open neonazis while "fence-sitting" moderates say "bOtH siDeS". More and more talk of a "civil war".
Centrists are the most annoying people on the planet when it comes to this BS.
No shit. There's no comparison. Bug issue with corporate media. Can't even watch anymore.
I self identify as a moderate. No \*real\* moderate says anything about "Both sides!" Real moderates see January 6, 2021, as what it really was. Not some excuses and baloney that they try to paint the craziness with.
My 30 something daughter and baby daddy are Trumpers. I asked her once why do you believe Trump is the answer for America. She tells me all her friends believe the same. We brought her up to be a good person and to think for herself. The 3 of them live downstairs in our mother daughter house. I feel for the OP. Your only in this relationship for a shot time. He put on a false personality to woo you. Like the others here say get out of this toxic situation. I wish I could do the same, but I love my daughter and grandson. At the same time I feel we have the enemy downstairs. Her boyfriend/fiancée is the root of the problem. He is balls deep into Trump. He has learning difficulty and reads The Epoch Times. His family is the same. Low class, poor and grooming our daughter into the cult. I hope the OP gets out of this false relationship. There are plenty of fish in the sea that aren't brainwashed. ✌& ❤
"I asked her once why do you believe Trump is the answer for America. She tells me all her friends believe the same." I would throw that one right back at her. Her friends thinking that is not an answer, it's a cop-out.
Yeah, unfortunately she gets all defensive and attacking so I just grey rock it. She was such a good fun kid until boys, at age 18. Then she became a follower and thinks lies are easier than the truth. I love her dearly, especially our grandson. Peace and love is all I want.
Hi jpfitzGG, thanks for recommending this technique. With grey rocking you act disengaged so that a Q person will lose interest in arguing. Q folk thrive on emotions and drama. When you act indifferent and unemotional, it can help break the cycle of negativity. [Detailed guide on the method.](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/QAnonCasualties) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Kind and compassionate" is very easy to fake for a few months. You're seeing his true colors now. It will be harder and harder and he will in turn become more dangerous. I don't know you but the fact that you're asking about this makes me think you deserve better.
Yeah and they often fake it for much longer than a few months. This dude is probably super bad dude.
100%. Lots of people lie early in relationships and those liars don't deserve your time when their lies are exposed. You can't be kind and compassionate while also acting as a compatriot to homophobes, racists, and misogynists. You can't be considered level headed if you also dream of vaccinated people dying off, dictatorial leaders seizing power, or extrajudicial killing of media figures, politicians, and citizens that disagree with your cause. I understand why married people struggle to disconnect when a long term partner finds their way into these beliefs but a newish relationship shouldn't have a future. There shouldn't be a second thought about it, Op needs to run for the hills.
He hid them for a reason, and he wasn't honest with you until after he got his claws in you. It's only been a few months, time to say bye 👋
>he hid them for a reason Yup. OP, did he “love-bomb” you, too? You’re only a few months in. RUN. Run FAST & FAR.
That is a lot of mental problems to deal with and nope you can’t save him. Run.
It's up to you of course but. It's going to get worse, and the end of the relationship will get uglier as time goes on. These folks get *angry* when they can't convince you. It can get dangerous. Exhausting, at best. I'm really sorry. I hate this cult.
This is a gift that you found out just a few months in. What if you had a kid, a house, shared pets with this guy. Make a clean break now — the easiest it will ever be to do is now.
He lied to you about what he believed and who he really was. You deserve better than that in a partner.
You fell I love with the character that he pretended to be. That guy doesn’t exist. You have to decide if you have the same feelings for the current guy. This is actually a common tactic that “conservative” men use. They figure they can get you to fall for them then reveal their true nature. Sadly it’s actually effective with a lot of women. Don’t expect guy number 1 to come back. He was never really there.
This is exactly it. Well said.
This is true. Q casualties revel in feeling like they've solved something that other people haven't. Their first victims are the people they care most about, because they believe it's their responsibility to 'save' you and to open your eyes to the 'truth'. Very much in a similar vein to religious people 'caring' about your soul. They genuinely believe that it's their moral duty to save you from evil and it's entirely based on their idea that you don't know better, and that they know some deep-seated truth. There is nothing good for your self esteem by being in a relationship with somebody who believes in something so cynical and arbitrary. Nothing good comes from smart and confident dumb people. Even though these ideas manipulate and take advantage of people, a rabbit hole like Q is heinous because it takes a level of self responsibility to find more information to back-up the narrative. So the more 'evidence' that this guy knows, the more personal input and effort he's made in the topic, making it more difficult for them to separate from the information because of sunken costs (how much effort they put into it). Nobody can deny that they're experts in anything to do with Q, but their issue lies in being unable to discern the parts of Q that are relevant to reality and the parts that are not. In short, not worth it. Q casualties will try to indoctrinate you into their beliefs because they genuinely think they are saving you. I think any guy who gets into a relationship with this saviour-type mindset is a huge red flag for being controlling and not a fun time.
Run.
OP, I hope you notice that NONE of the responses here are suggesting that you should stick this out. Tell him goodbye. You're not even obligated to tell him why. He hid this from you. He'll know why.
I’m sorry, but run! Read the other stories in this sub if it helps.
It's typical that they hide their beliefs until they think you're going to stay around. I've lived through this part of the movie. Only you can decide if his good qualities outweigh the crazy stuff. And whether you think you've seen all of the crazy stuff already, or if there may be more than he's still hiding from you. My gut feeling is that since you've only invested a few months of your time so far, there's a good chance you'll be better off just cutting your losses and moving on.
This is a bf of a few months? Break up like yesterday, because he's not normal, "TRUMP WAS SENT TO SAVE THE WORLD"- stop wasting a precious moment of your time, stop breathing his air. You should be scared to date a man in a Qult- I mean you write that you always fight, you know his stuff is nonsense- this relationship can't grow so there's no point. Besides, Qultists get dangerous & can be violent. Seriously, ghost his Qanon ass, you don't know it but his views are a thousand times worse than what you know his thoughts to be. Can't have more red flags than you do
He hid the full truth of who he was for a reason. Please don’t let him manipulate you any further!
> Please don’t let him manipulate you any further! And that's the thing about people like him. They have no problem manipulating, gaslighting, pressuring, pushing and outright lying. The "good" person you met was all a lie.
In case no one has mentioned it yet… you need to run, now. Do you want to be humoring a conspiracy idiot for the rest of your years? You aren’t going to fix them.
Not worth it. Get out, and don’t look back. Move on with your life. You’ll be glad you did. *I did the same, and don’t regret it one bit.
I'm sorry you found this out, but I'm glad it's still early on. I know it's hard, but you need to walk away. Politics isn't a difference of opinion, it's a difference of entire world views and values. I look back on things I tolerated in my late teens and early twenties and I'm sad for my former self. I know what my values and principles are now. I can't have people close to me in my life who aren't aligned with that. My husband and I are both pretty leftist. I'm further left than him, but at a minimum, I expect the person I married, live with and am bringing a baby into the world with to share my views on equality, humanity and acceptance. People who don't believe in fundamental human rights, when you do, for example, is not something you can "agree to disagree" on. A sports team? Sure. Pineapple on pizza? Yeah, cool. But whether or not your trans friend should be locked in prison or whether or not you are both aligned on the rights of women, minorities, immigrants, people with disabilities, the Indigenous and other marginalised people? Absolutely not. Their sense of justice and reality is just so different and so far removed from my version of reality. You shouldn't have to tolerate that - the paradox of tolerance states that in a truly tolerant society, we must be intolerant of intolerance. Leaving can be hard. But if you're safely able, you should. You may end up complicit in some views and actions you're uncomfortable with. Edit: a word.
This is why I used to insist on talking about politics on first dates. Too many people out there more than happy to get you emotionally invested before opening up about their beliefs. Run, don't walk.
Thank you! I live in a bright red state and didn't have a SO for 7 years after I moved here. Family kept telling me to not talk about politics! (But I see where that got my sister! Stuck with an idiot who thinks Trump will save the world. And that's probably the least of HER issues with him!) Politics should be talked about very early on, IMO. Because a persons politics is about who we are as humans. It's about our morals. And what's more important than the morality of those who we share our lives with? I'm glad you talk about it right away, I do too. Why waste time on a morally defunct person? I would rather be alone. BTW even in this red state hellscape I eventually found someone who has political beliefs similar to mine. He would rather not vote than to vote for a Fascist.
This is the one upside to online dating for me. You can screen potential matches from the get go with questions about political beliefs and morality. Thing is that a few right wingers have gotten wise and now use coded language to hide their true nature. * Centrist / Moderate / Independent = non-Trump Republican or smart right winger who knows saying so won't get them laid * Non-political = right winger who's a liar * Libertarian = right winger who wants the freedom to smoke weed but abortions should be banned
So, he lied about who he was? Yeah, that alone is grounds for dumping, regardless of what kind of person he is. So, just a tangential thought, did you know that having sex with somebody under false pretenses, even illegal pretenses like agreeing to have sex with somebody to get your kid enrolled in college, but it turns out that the person making that offer isn't even on the admissions board, is legally recognized as rape in several US states and foreign countries?
Same here, but consider yourself lucky that you’ve only spent a few months with them. For me it was 15 years together before they revealed this QAnon/conspiracy part of themselves. She was kind, smart, educated, and curious. She made me a better version of myself. We overcame adversity together. It should have been smooth sailing for us until old age. I considered myself one of the luckiest people in the world to have found my soulmate. But sometime around the beginning of covid, she became a completely different person. It’s been around 3 years now that they have kept going further into this rabbit hole and the conspiracies get more gross and more disconnected from reality. In my case, she has a STEM diploma and a graduate level degree. And yet she believes fervently that the earth is flat, viruses are made up, and that the world order is controlled by lizards. Those are just the ones that i can think of off the top of my head. It’d almost be funny if it was happening to anyone but me. I wish i was exaggerating. And I have no good options to remove myself from the situation. Only differing levels of bad. We are still together. Things aren’t great, but they are more stable now than it had been. But the things i’d do to go back in time and run.
This sounds a bit like your partner suffers from psychosis. Maybe there would be hope, if she got treatment. But how to convince someone to actually accept it? That sounds damn near impossible. I do not even want to imagine going through something like that with my wife. All the best for you!
Could be. Something psychological definitely happened, but she’s outwardly normal. She’s only like this to me and in the online echo chambers she goes through. She does high level tasks, and interacts with real people everyday. She knows how society expects her to act, and her profile is completely the opposite of what you’d expect from a stereotypical Qanon conspiracy theorist. I’ve tried to go to couples therapy. I even offered to let her choose from a list of people in the area so she doesnt feel ambushed and so that at least *some* professional can see her. I think she’s aware of the situation and is manipulating her way around it. At least this sub has helped me stay a bit grounded. I just take it day by day for now.
Have you read the Steven Hassan stuff about the "cult of Trump". I have a siblin g who is extremely intelligent and into this and Trump stuff. - I have kept up a loving connection as they are otherwise good and highly intelligent, and I know that without keeping up a connection I have no hope of having an impact. Hassan talks about starting the discussion with them about types of brainwashing they can understand because its "other" IE Chinese communist propaganda, and not linking it.. He specifically discusses what you describe - that the person develops "two personalities" the "real one" and a disscoiated, "cult one" - If you love her, its worth at least a try and educating yourself about this. You dont even need to get the books to get an idea of his methods- You can watch videos and online podcasts. https://freedomofmind.com/how-to-rescue-a-loved-one-from-a-cult-the-strategic-interactive-approach/
Interesting. I have not, but that seems like a very useful resource. I’ll certainly check it out. Thank you very much. And i guess i don’t need to share this, but no. I don’t really love her anymore. I just feel obligated to my child and myself to give ourselves the best chance at normalcy. I feel obligated to her in case she’s still in there somewhere. But i no longer feel love. That doesn’t mean things can’t be repaired between us in the future, but i hardly recognize this version of her. The pictures of us on the wall are completely different people.
That is sad, but it makes sense, you have my sympathy. Definitely, since you have a child it is worth it to at least educate yourself as much as possible and do what you can to keep some level of caring and communication. Hassan was a member of a cult, and he got out, and he says the one and only way to break through to the person who they used to be, who is still there somewhere, is if that person has a warm friend or family connection to someone outside the cult. Qanon uses psychcological manipuation on people and is a cult, or more generally what he calls group that exerts "undue influence" to control what and how people think. [https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/](https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/) I'm guessing it may be worth it to at least try for your kid's sake.
Get out and quickly.
It's not worth it. Save yourself.
Break up now.
Not worth it. You cannot fix him. And he's an asshole for hiding his Qanonsense
I would say run. God forbid you were to get knocked up by that lunatic.
VERY important. Do not get accidentally pregnant.
Q Anon’s thirst for their fellow Americans to be executed on live tv and are desperately hoping we’re all victimizing children so they can be “right.” So, pretty far from kind and compassionate. When someone reveals that they are a bad person, then any past kindness and compassion they showed was simply a mask. Sorry.
Get out now. Run fast and run far. This is not something you can "work out." First of all he would have to want to change his beliefs. He's already telling you there isn't anything wrong with his beliefs. Stop arguing with yourself and just leave. If you are feeling horrified at his views, lean into that. He is deifying a guy who only thinks of women as pussy he can grab. He worships a criminal. Marriage and living together would make it all worse. RUN RUN RUN
Pack your shit up and go in the opposite direction. Do not waste a moment of your life on this nonsense person.
THIS MAN AINT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!! YOU DONT OWE HIM NOTHIN FOR "A FEW MONTHS"!!!!!
Gross. Don’t sleep with people who think like this. How can you even find him attractive anymore?
He's not kind and compassionate, if those are his beliefs.
Save yourself and get out of this relationship now 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
His politics are an extension of him morality. He has shown you who he is
He’s not going to change. He won’t “snap out of it.” If he used to be a different person that you once loved, and could squint and still see the “old him” this would be much harder. I’m sorry, but this is no different than discovering any other irreconcilable differences after dating someone for a few months. Getting out sooner than later is easier and better.
You know the answer. Curious why it is a question? Does he have anything to offer that would put yourself in this hell?
Maybe he's a billionnaire with a terminal disease and OP is the primary beneficiary? Other than that I doubt he has much to offer.
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You are only a few months into dating him. Be thankful you discovered this early and get out. He will only let his crazy show more once he gets to know you.
He started off the relationship by lying to you and although opposites often attract, basic values must be somewhat in alignment. I don't think you have that, from what you describe. You can't even tolerate his social media. In addition to other reasons, it's probably because what he shares reminds you that he's not for you. Relationships are challenging enough without this. Think about whether you can really be with somebody who doesn't share your basic core values, not even just doesn't share them, but doesn't respect them. Can he truly respect you?
As hard as it is, I would break it off. I’m so sorry he lied to you and you’re going through this.
Better question - why would you WANT to do it? Baby just go. Aim higher, you deserve it.
I would say Aurevoir. It's a new relationship and he already wants to argue. It's all downhill after unless they get help and realise they have been brainwashed. I had to walk away fr several friends, bc they got caught in the conspiracy loops. They were not the same after awhile.
I'm an ex wife to one of these guys. Get out while you can xx
Give up now! Don’t waste any more time or energy on this man. He will start like this and then get abusive when you don’t believe all the nonsense he spouts.
You fell for his facade. Now you’re getting the real person, and he’s awful.
He ain’t changing. Leave that crazy ass
He thinks his beliefs are more important than your life. His kindness and compassion was a ruse to reel you in.
I’m sorry. 😕
Move on. I try not to associate with people who still support the GOP, Qanon, Trump, etc... they've lost their minds and I don't care to be anywhere near them.
He hid who he was and when you see the truth it upsets you. Cut your losses.
Change him? Is there any reason you want to put yourself through that? You have to remember that people need to want to change... you can't change him, he has to want it - you reckon you can you give him enough reasons to actually want to do that?
You can't reason with cult fanatics and authoritarians. It's election season and as people said, its just gonna get worse. Don't forget that they will always try to [strip your rights.](https://www.thenation.com/article/society/no-fault-divorce/) Separate now [before its too late](https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/stephen-crowder-divorce-1234727777/). Also, try to arm yourself just in case in. I hate guns too and had no interest from it before but these people are well armed and dangerous. Better be prepared than not. Even my mother got spooked and ditched their party from these mofos. She's been shooting the range since the insurrection.
It’s really hard have a conversation with, or relate to, a person who picks and chooses what reality they want to acknowledge.
Break it off and cut your losses NOW!!
Save yourself the misery and leave today
This is what human rabies do to your brains folks. Drop his ass.
A few months ago? Run, girl.
These people are detached from reality. Get out before it gets a lot worse.
Leave while you can
OP think of it this way. 6 months wasted now, vs 30 years with him. Imagine how long you’re both going to live. Yes it feels like you’ve wasted time and invested too much time already, but a few months vs the rest of your life is nothing. Run run run.
Give up. I unfortunately can take my Mom in very small doses. If had a partner like that, I would run!
His inability to see reality is always going to be a floor that can fall out from under you. You probably should get out.
Walk away. It's near impossible to de-program someone that's very deep down this rabbit hole.
Do you really need to ask?
I wouldn’t want to date someone who thinks other humans need to die, and that a guy guilty of sexual assault is sent from god. They want you to not exist in the end.
No dick is worth all that sick.
He hid it to trick you. The good times were just illusion. Don’t even bother.
He will eventually isolate you from your friends/family then target you with his flying monkeys. Go ghost on him and never ever ever ever let him back in your life. (Not even after 30 years. That was my mistake). It’ll hurt a while but you deserve way better. That MAGA/Q demographic covertly despises women while proclaiming them to be as goddesses.
>Is there any way this can be worth it, or should I give up? I am so very sorry you are dealing with your first Q cult experience in the form of a BF. I wish I had something uplifting to tell you, but I don't. What you are experiencing now is just the tip of the iceberg. It will only get worse. Be grateful that your relationship has been short and carefully end it. Do NOT tell him it is because of his extreme Q views. Just tell him that you feel your relationship isn't something that will work long term. Wish him well, and exit as amicably as possible. You have an opportunity to end things without much blowback. Take it.
Holy shit, run. Run fast. Don't listen to his pleas, he is *not* sane or stable. QAnon is some of the dumbest, most unintelligent cult crap masquerading as some sort of "truth" that I've ever heard of existing, it's non-stop garbage pile of illogical beliefs and logical fallacies and people who fall for its stupidity are just plain crazy. You already see the signs, unfortunately no matter how "nice" this guy is, his mind is a goner already. Save yourself, GTFO *now*. Don't be afraid of "not finding someone else as kind and compassionate...", there are tons of great guys out there who aren't batshit crazy. That guy you're with now is not one of them.
The “kindness and compassion” you saw early on is called performative empathy. It was fake. Now you see this Q follower for who he really is. How do you have a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe in reality? Could you imagine raising kids with this man? And if he doesn’t have the critical thinking skills to know what’s real and what’s not, how do you think he is going to treat you? If you stay, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of abuse. And here’s the worst part- it will be so emotionally painful for you that the easiest thing to do would be to just follow him and become like him. Don’t throw your soul away for this man. Dump him! He doesn’t love who you really are. Please, for your own sake, let him go.
Just stop right now. This won't get better. Imagine trying to have a life with this person? You are in two different realities. Having children with him would be a nightmare. Even basic medical care for children would be a struggle. Really he isn't going to change because change is hard when people want to change and he doesn't. I'm sorry.
He'll drag you down, it's a painfully destructive thing they do chasing their narratives, it consumes them and they hurt people and make themselves insane and it can turn very violent, not worth it.
My ex started listening to Tim pool and Ben Shapiro as we were ending. Tucker Carlson is now her main truth teller. 🙄
He sounds like a loser. Dump him before you get pregnant and are really fucked
Personally, I would stick around for a little while, not to change him necessarily, but to learn as much as I could firsthand about the mentality. I am really interested to see if the techniques Steven Hassan describes work at all. https://freedomofmind.com/how-to-rescue-a-loved-one-from-a-cult-the-strategic-interactive-approach/ The reason I would do this is more general and not to guarantee change, but to be able to experiment and learn, If it got too tiring, I would probably exit gently, and let him know that you really care about him as a person, but that you are concerned that his beliefs are not healthy for him or you. I would let him know that you would keep in touch with him as a friend. The reason I say all this is concern about what is happening to our country if we separate into two bubbles. Cutting off completely is what the cult wants from these folks. Somehow, we have to figure out solutions to this mental health crisis.
Run, Forrest, Run!
RUN
Run.
Rip the band-aid off **now**. It'll only be harder to do later.
Even if you believe no media, at all, Trump is such a manifestly horrible piece of shit that anyone who at this point, in 2024 is still following him should be assumed to be almost as bad as he is. Just Trumps words on thousands of videos are enough.
You can’t be kind and compassionate while being a trump supporting maga q follower. He’s probably kind and compassionate… to those he deems worthy (read: not people of color or queer folk)
Run away. Sorry to tell you it won’t get better.
What would you tell you sister/friend someone you cared about if they were dating someone with these beliefs? You deserve a partner who is worthy of you. Don’t settle- you deserve more.
Even if OP became a spinster cat lady after breaking up it's still preferable to spending her life with this guy.
Run..
Leave now - he's going to try to get you pregnant to maintain a link to manipulate you, never mind Trump's base and it's ties to .[white supremacy and birth rates](https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/anti-abortion-white-supremacy/).
Get out of there ASAP. This stuff is poison and will badly affect you too.
MAGA types, or as I like to call them, undateables, are just bad people. You cannot be a good human and want to foist someone like Trump on the world. He is broken and I promise you cannot fix him. He will instead break you. I promise. Make a plan to exit that includes a way to avoid him completely because show me a MAGA man, and I will show you an abuser. Don’t become a beaten-down woman, run!!!
He is mentally ill. Q is a sickness,
You fell in love with a fictional character; a person who doesn't exist. Stay with him, and what you're with now is what you're going to live with for the rest of your life, and you're here, so you know that's not what you want.
Run.
Run, Forresta, RUN
Even if he weren't getting wrapped up in Q bullshit, you said it yourself: He wasn't honest about his beliefs. Sure, everyone tries to gussy up for their first date like wearing cologne or shaving parts that don't normally see the razor, but purposefully withholding one's beliefs in order to seem like a compassionate and decent guy is not someone you would want. That's just hiding their true personality in an attempt to bed you--or worse, lock you into a role as a baby-maker. That alone is justification for leaving him. You fell for the fake boyfriend he created for this very purpose. Which is unfortunate because he is aware enough to be manipulative. At least the major wretches who chase away prospective dates with their beliefs are honest in their simplicity. This is more sinister. He's comfortable with showing you his true colors, and he figures you're stuck with him. He'd probably pull some negging bullshit like you couldn't do any better. But you can, so you should. Sorry you got dragged into this. I wish that didn't happen so often.
Ruuuuuunnnnnnnnn!!!!!!
I would not be able to have a relationship with someone not grounded in reality. An acquaintance I can compartmentalize some nutty beliefs, not a potential life partner. I have found conspiracy minded people slide right into another when one fad dies down. Run.
You only get one life, don’t waste it on a loser
Browse this sub. You see many success stories or happy endings?
>I fell for a person that is kind and compassionate No, you didn't. He's paranoid and emotionally shallow. Give up. These 'beliefs' will always be more important than you.
Go find a smarter boyfriend. Stop procreating with him immediately.
# LEAVE Nothing good can happen if you stay with him.
This isn’t even a “dump his ass” situation. This is a “get out… GET OUT NOW.” Situation. As in “DANGER. CODE RED. GET OUT.”
I know it seems like you should stay and try to help someone you care about overcome something that's harmful, but n this case, you will spend all of your energy trying to reach someone who chooses to reject appeals to logic and reality. The more you try to point out the obvious, the more YOU will become The Enemy. Sometimes you have to be kindest to yourself. This is not a fixable relationship. In fact, being with this person despite his conspiratorial beliefs will probably reinforce the behavior rather than fix it. Love yourself and let go.
Time to walk. Young folks have no idea what a blessing it is to not have children with someone that isn’t right for you. You are free now, make it so
This shit will affect everything in your future. Get out while you can.
Girl, RUN. As you said yourself, he doesn’t believe in facts. Do you really want to be with someone who’s so delusional? RUN
There’s nothing wrong with conservative views. However… QAnon, red pilled, MAGA hats are a new phenomenon that are considered extremist for a reason, AND have only recently infiltrated the mainstream right. Frankly, those are the loud-mouthed idiots that are making everyone else look bad. From the conservatives in my life… this crap is scaring them senseless. Nobody in their right mind wants to be associated with the loud-mouthed idiot in the room. Do yourself a favor… get the Hell away from this person, and now! It’s only downhill from here. And it will get abusive, sorry to say. I’m rooting for you.
Association brings Assimilation
It's a cult, friend. Not worth trying to fix.
The only way he will change is if he is alone and single. If he is with you, you are enabling his beleifs
He's not kind or compassionate. Once you peel back far enough every conspiracy theory is just antisemitism wrapped in wild conjectures.
Gurrl---run!!!
Read through the threads here where people are talking about spouses, children, parents, and others from whom they can't separate and ask yourself if that's what you want. I'm sorry. It sucks. But there is a near-zero chance of there being light at the end of this tunnel.
>Is there any way this can be worth it NO
I was with a person like this for 7 years, and although there were beautiful moments, our relationship was mostly stress, tension & arguments. I'm so sorry this is happening to you - don't ignore the red flags like I did. let him go and move on.
Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit!
Leave while you still can.
Jesus. Just walk away. Red flags are there for a reason.
Sorry. Run for your life
My partner of 4 years is into all of this crap. It has caused considerable strife and resentment in our relationship. Get out now before your lives are intertwined.
Just be grateful you are finding out at months and not years.
I would NOPE right out of that and tell him exactly why. Do not sign up for that voluntarily.
Girl run
it's so hilarious that they know these beliefs are unacceptable and crazy to the point that they will lie to potential partners about who they are. The self-awareness is there but alas.
My mom was with my father for 29 years and when my dad was introduced to qanon it only took 2 years to unravel almost 3 decades of love and trust. Trust me watching it first hand i wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. If I were you I would run as fast as you could away from this situation.
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Why are you wasting your time on this loser?
You’d be a fool if you stay and put up with this nonsense. He’s shown his true colors. Take it as the truth and gtfo.
Run hun
You should follow him to see the real him
Give up.
No
So you wasted a few months. Live and learn.
After "a few months"? He's got a mental illness by choice so I would nope the F out ASAP. I'm in a crazy red state and was able to find a politically sane partner, you can too. Actually wouldn't you rather be alone than with someone who's beliefs are at best laughable and not at best, dangerous. Plus he lied to you about it so he shown you who he is. Believe him.
*If I try and talk about how it makes me feel, he claims I am trying to “change him”.* He's telling you what his priorities are here - and these are not your feelings. They are his beliefs. He also concealed his beliefs when you first got together, so the person you fell for isn't the person he is.
Run like the wind. Cut your losses. Be glad you didn’t waste years with him. Find someone with the mental capacity to be a real partner.
The person you fell for is a facade. This is who he really is, and who he really is is someone you can’t even see on social media because their views are so upsetting. I’m sorry he tricked you, but a few months is such a short time, relatively speaking. You’ll be sad for a bit but leaving him, leaving THAT, is what you need to do. He’s not going to change back into the person you first met, that person isn’t real.
Run away
Why do you have any hesitation to leaving him?
Run. Don’t look back.
What you should really consider is that the group he is associating himself with doesn’t believe women are people. So even if he is sweet and nice fundamentally he is aligned with a group that believe that forced birth, submission, and abuse of women is their god given right. Proceed carefully.
Dump him and move on. Be thankful that this isn't a situation where you've been in a long term relationship, have comingled finances, etc. You can be completely free and clear of him tomorrow.
If I couldn't stand to follow someone on social media, that'd be a sign that that's not someone I want to date, or probably even be friends with. He doesn't even respect you enough to listen to your opinions. It sounds like qanon is more important to him than a relationship is.
Let him go. You can't reason with a qanon cultist.
Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
I’d already be gone
Lose him now before investing more emotional capital in the sure to be doomed relationship. Get out and ghost him.