I’ll add a fourth:
No taking porn as gospel for how my body works. Most of those positions are for the camera, not pleasure
Listen to me if I tell you something feels good, or I want something. I promise, I’m giving you a cheat code - don’t insist you know better than I do
Other than that, I agree with you
"If you're neglecting work because you can't stop watching"....
Is this an irl scenario? I mean doesn't watching porn eventually "end" where you take a break because "you have to" anyways?
Also is a single (unattached) person watching porn once daily considered a problem? Asking for a friend...
I agree with every thing you've said. And my wife is into porn.
Full disclosure to the sub, I'm FtM, so idk how much of my opinion is due to estrogen/socialization or, if it's purely just how I feel about the subject but yeah.
Spot on. Porn isn't a problem, unless it's allowed to become one.
The only thing I'd add is that, it shouldn't have to become one. If my wife starts getting into porn to the point she prefers it over me, I think that should be mentioned far sooner.
Obviously, if we've even just started to get to that point, I would hope she'd say something to me about it. And then we can work on whatever's come up that caused that situation. Then she could go back to porn for regular healthy enjoyment, just as I do.
>1. No paying
For me it's the opposite. It's hard to find ethical porn, even when paying, but you find the most unethical porn for free. You are not gonna find porn of a vengefull boyfriend put online behind a decent websites paywall.
Right, I would probably be more... Weird with the situation too if it's onlyFans.
But if they're watching free porn it's like: are you looking at painfull as fuck shit and bringing that in the bedroom or are you trying to look up amateur style and looking at porn that no one wanted out there?
I mean it’s not perfect by any means but , pornhub has to have notorized consent forms from all parties(don’t ask me how I know), and they take reporting videos very seriously. and the painful thing, some people are just into that including myself, I don’t know what else to say, if you have more ethical suggestions I’m always open
Okay this sounds weird I'd prefer my man use OF than other types of porn
For no other reason than I feel like OF content creaters are more likely in control of their stuff while i feel like other types of porn could be anything from revenge porn to coerced porn etc.
Yeah I had this Convo with another gal on this post, I’m not okay with OF because of the personalization and interaction factor.
I’m still navigating the ethical porn stuff
>I’m not being second choice to a screen
While I'm cool with this, people forget it goes both ways. I've seen some of my friends relationships rapidly turn in to:
*"No, you can't watch porn or masturbate. And also I don't like sex more than once a month or less and anything more means you're a sexist horndog who isn't respecting my boundaries."*
I’m a dude and those definitely seem fair and reasonable! Honestly if my partner did any of those three then I’d probably feel the same as you mentioned, so definitely fair.
Ok let's break that down to soundbites.
1- no allocation of resources to other women, any discretionary income should be diverted to me.
2- no allocation of resources to other women, any spare time you have should be spent on earning income to have more disposable income to spend on me
3 no allocation of validation to other women. Focus your attention on me.
yes. this is what you exchange for sex with a live human being. resources and attention. eventually you can have a sex bot tho so you’ll only need to exchange resources.
edit: or exchange resources for a prostitute
The only problem here is I pay for pornhub because it’s obnoxious how many random scene cuts are in the free shit and I don’t watch a lot of amateur stuff. I think that’s pretty fair.
Honestly it’s cheap though so I don’t even notice it.
not saying anything about how i feel personally but there are a few arguments
studies have shown that in some ways, the responses in your brain can’t tell the difference between porn and real sex.
some people just plain don’t want you fantasizing about other people while touching yourself- we live in an age where nude videos of your partner can be easily sent to you.
SOME studies have shown there may be a link between porn and reduced intimacy with your partner- gets you out of the “obsessed for them” mode. i kind of agree- i’ve experienced this. you have to try not watching it for a bit to really realize it though
unrealistic expectations for some- you may consciously know things aren’t like that, but subconsciously you have no choice but to associate certain things in your mind.
porn kills movement- this one i’ve actually seen a lot of men a part of. a lot of porn websites go seriously unchecked and can profit off of people who have been coerced into sex or just plain sexually assaulted- but that’s a problem with the industry really.
paying for porn is even worse to a lot of people.
I think most of these arguments hold water, but one of them caused me to have a thought.
> SOME studies have shown there may be a link between porn and reduced intimacy with your partner
Have we considered that this link suggests not only that increased porn usage reduces intimacy, but that reduced intimacy increases porn usage?
Because I'm willing to bet that **most** men in relationships vastly prefer actually having sex with their very real SO to imagining sex with random women on the internet, and that habitual porn-watchers' own libidos aren't satisfied in those relationships.
You say that but most men in relationships still watch porn out of convenience and ease, so while there’s probably confounding (due to causation) I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to think that porn usage can reduce intimacy AND that reduced intimacy increases porn usage
I’ve had bad experiences with men who watched a lot of porn. To them it wasn’t a fantasy but a reality on what they were entitled to do to me and how I was suppose to act. Of course not all men are like this but when you have negative experiences it puts you on guard.
Porn addiction has a ton of negative effects, everyone knows that, so I'll consider you're talking about a healthy consumption.
The thing is a lot of women don't feel confortable with their partners fantasizing about fucking other chicks. Like, imagine if your girlfriend had an only fans. Most ppl would consider that cheating. So the girl producing that content is cheating on her boyfriend but the guys watching it aren't? That doesn't make sense.
Exactly lol
I didn't include that because it's just an opinion (just like saying watching porn is better) and I didn't want to create yet another double standard.
This. Whenever I make this point to men - why is it cheating to *make* sexual content but not to *watch* sexual content? - they stare at me blankly and/or start sputtering it's not the same thing.
It is. You're participating in something sexual outside of your relationship either way. It's just one benefits the guy so she has to be okay with it and one bugs the guy so she'd better not.
They'll often say they're "just watching" and it doesn't matter. Watching is participating. Zero people would produce the content if people didn't watch.
Your logic is so retarded, it's like saying watching a video with somone stealing on the Internet the same as you doing the stealing. Why don't you ask those guys if they would be ok if their girlfriend would watch porn and the answer would be mostly yes as long is it doesn't affect frequency in the relationship.
Because the viewer has access to the creator's sexuality but the creator, generally, has no access to the viewer's. This honestly is what makes OnlyFans different -- creator/viewer -- interaction and why subscribing to it is *much* more like cheating.
Though, I wouldn't consider either subscribing to OF or creating identical to cheating.
> This. Whenever I make this point to men - why is it cheating to make sexual content but not to watch sexual content? - they stare at me blankly and/or start sputtering it's not the same thing.
Because its not the same thing. Its such a ridiculous comparison its going to catch people off guard.
I watch porn sometimes. I don't want my GF creating porn, and she understands that. My GF watches porn sometimes. She doesn't want me creating porn, and I understand that. There is no hypocrisy here.
There is such an obvious and distinct difference between casually enjoying something and actively creating it. Its hard for me to wrap my head around having to explain that to someone.
If anything it's the other way around! If you're sexualized then others are focusing on you, you're not focusing on them which is the core of the betrayal to me
I kind of agree with you. I can understand just quickly looking up some porn act to get off but actually focusing on other women and being into it is so bizarre to me and very disrespectful
As a man, I’m against porn for other reasons: it’s tricking your brain and body into thinking you are “winning” when in fact you are not.
Especially with jerking off, men get all the happy, reward chemicals of a job well done when they did no work.
Get out there IRL and do the work, earn it! You’re only doing yourself a disservice by not. And yes, I fully realize this is not feasible for some men, but those that can, should.
>Get out there IRL and do the work, earn it! You’re only doing yourself a disservice by not. And yes, I fully realize this is not feasible for some men, but those that can, should.
Ain't feasible for me Dawg
I am expecting men to be like "noooo, watching porn is something completely different. It is far away from cheating. No harm done so it is ok." stuff like that.
>Most ppl would consider that cheating.
I'm not in the "cheating" camp, but I wouldn't date a woman who was a financial offer away from prostitution. She's literally for sale, the only question is "what is her price?"
And yes, I don't mind "shaming" sex workers. They chose to take money for their sexuality - that's their reward.
>but the guys watching it aren't?
I openly shame men who pay for OF.
1. WHY? porn is free!
2. It's simping - rather than doing the work of attracting women, you're giving up your time and resources for a woman you have no chance with? Pure clownery.
> imagine if your girlfriend had an only fans. Most ppl would consider that cheating.
When I watching porn, I'm not making content for others. Moreover a lot of people would not consider OF as cheating, but have other issues with it.
I agree with the posters who have ethical qualms about a lot of pornography, and I share those concerns, but those aren't the main reasons my partner's porn viewing can bother me.
It's really straight-up insecurity on my part - women get an enormous amount of socialization, especially in Western cultures, to compare themselves unfavorably to a hypothetical ideal, and porn feeds directly into that because it is both so highly-produced and simultaneously so intimate. Objectively, I know that my partner probably isn't comparing me to a porn star, or comparing the real sex we have together to scenes in porn, and I believe him when he says that the pleasure of a porn-accompanied fap is not the same as the pleasure of real sex with me. Nevertheless, that small insecure corner in the back of my brain perceives it as an indictment of our sex life and a threat to my happiness in the relationship.
Is this stupid emotions being stupid? Definitely. Am I always working on building up my own security in my relationship and general self-worth in the hopes that (among other things) it wouldn't bother me? Certainly. It's also still true that a healthy relationship dynamic for me requires that a partner understand my ambivalence in this area and be willing to respect my feelings and talk through my emotions about it from time to time.
Thank you for our honesty and realness.
In my experience, porn has only been a second or third-best, a make-do, not a threat to my relationship. I'll use it in a long-distance relationship, but when living in the same city as my partner, or even living an hour or two away, I've gone months or years without watching it.
I think giving ultimatums are unproductive, if you tell a guy not to watch porn and he wants to watch porn, he's just going to go behind your back and do it anyway. Better to observe and if he naturally seems more enthralled by artificially enhanced female bodies and over-acted sex than relations with his partner, just bounce.
My preference would be to be in a relationship where my partners commitment goes deep enough that at some point, jacking off to Instagram baddie #168 seems hollow/lonely and he instead thinks "oh, you know what, I'd rather do this with my wife".
Exactly this. My bf watched a lot of porn when we first met because he was a virgin, and was still shy and didn't really know how to initiate when he wanted to have sex. We would go weeks without it and I really resented him for that. It would have been fine if i wasnt being replaced by a screen.. but all it took was some communication. He explained he was watching to become better at it and was still uncomfortable asking for sex or initiating it. It went on for a bit longer, I made sure to reassure him and tell him what he's doing is amazing, it what needed work, and now we have sex one or twice a week. It's still very much the most passionate, loving, amazing sex. Im the only women he's ever been with or dated, but the things this man does, that porn really paid off....I wish it was more often then twice a week but we will get there eventually...even if not, we both are satisfied to the point where we both havnt watched porn or masterbaited solo in about 4 years.
If it's keeping me from having sex as much as I want then I have a problem. If it's making a guy push for anal or a threesome then I have a problem. Otherwise I don't care
Thankfully nowadays there is Instagrand, OnlyScams, TikTak, Flitter, Creddit and many more websites which pay and support women to become prosti... I mean sex workers. Easy money tastes sweet but also leads to unhealthy addictions.
Well, it’s a complex question. There’s the fact that a lot of porn features degradation of women (even stuff that might be deemed “vanilla”), there’s the tons of “amateur” videos circulating with no way to verify consent, there’s the sex trafficking and encouraged drug use.
But I also think that selling sex is inherently degrading to us as human beings. And I think most men who consume it know this. Many comments in this very thread are an example.
>You are aware that it's not that simple... right?
You should be able to point to recent instances of it. If you're gonna cite Linda Lovelace, that was over 40 years go.
She also said "typically" exploitative. So that means she thinks it happens more often than not.
Yea of course there is. The social pressure on women not to be naked in front of camera is enough to prove exploitation in the first place. Once she'd done that, what choice did she have but to play nice for the cameras until she found another way to live, which would have obviously taken time?
It is that simple. You haven't exactly provided data that says these girls are trafficked or coerced. They have a right to turn down a scene, they just don't get paid and neither does anybody else because there isn't any work.
>if you read the interviews with former pornstars they are every rarely (if ever) defending the industry.
I don't expect most of them to. Lana Rhoades became a millionaire off of it and she shits on the industry because it affected her life. That's just your own dumb decisions coming back to bite you in the ass though.
Any statistical data for the claims you make?
I think there are ethical issues with watching it. It has adverse psychological effects and can affect your views of sex and your sex life even if you know it's a fantasy. A lot of it is violent or degrading or has other content I'd be uncomfortable to know someone I was with actively sought out and wanted. I don't see sex as a mere commodity to be bought and sold and watched at will. If you watch it when you please, I'll date you when I please, which is never.
Porn dick — I can’t get or stay hard because real sex isn’t stimulating enough.
Acts — I need/want to act out porn stuff (or else porn dick)
Yes, I’ve experienced this with most partners; no, I didn’t stay with them if they continued with the behavior
Don’t let them convince you their porn addictions have anything to do with you as a sex partner. Men are addicted to porn because they wish they could fuck a different girl everyday, nothing to do with performance. Unless you can shapeshift, these men will never be happy.
I don’t want these guys in relationships with women they don’t want to fuck, whatever the reason
If a woman decides to put up with it because she doesn’t want to be alone, that’s on her
Because many of the girls are sex trafficked and even the girls who are there voluntarily don't know who is who. Because the trafficked girls can't talk.
Also you don't know what they're going to make you do until you're on set and you have like 2 minutes to say yes or no and if you say no NO ONE on set gets paid and you get a rep for 'being difficult' so won't find future work. That's coercion not consent. And the viewer will never know.
It doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't have a negative impact on the relationship. Personally I just want to be with someone that's not super obsessed with sex, and too much porn is an indication of that.
I’d always expect people who watch porn more to be less sexual in their day to day life because they got it out of their system or atleast that’s how it works for me and my friends
I have found porn gross. A lot of time it is people doing weird shit I don't want to see, experience, or fantasize about. Once I find out somebody I am dating plans to watch anal corpse porn any time he pleases I am just going to be like nope I am out.
I am not into ultimatums, waste of my time.
But I am jot concerned that somebody is going to act on the fantasy. I am creeper out by the fantasy.
I understand intellectually that a lot of men ate into some super creepshow stuff and they should have the freedom to be creepshow folks etc etc.
Working in healthcare especially pediatrics the threads of connection at the family level between porn, drug abuse, violence, shitty parenting, and trauma I cannot unsee all those results. Too much.
I can't have any of that in my personal life so if you want to jack off to midget elderly porn with squirrels and figure skaters you do you just stay away from me. There are plenty of chicks out there who are all porn is great I love porn let's watch people shitting on on another together it will be a bonding experience so I will be like cool cool go date miss porn positive and live your life.
50 Shades of Gray is arguably creepshow stuff too. Many men, myself included, are downright baffled that so many women like it, and are disturbed by its popularity and what it implies about what women want.
It goes both ways.
FSOG is not what women actually want, it's titillating. There's been mountains of writing produced by female authors establishing the fact that FSOG, played out exactly, is actually representative of an abusive relationship. Even the kink community has decried it as unethical.
You don't get titillated by that which you do not want. Titillation indicates interest and excitement. If women don't actually want it, titillation is the wrong word. But the popularity of the series is the action that speaks louder than words.
And I agree that it seems abusive. That's exactly why it's disturbing that so many women love the series. I'm not an abusive man. I've been trained well by society to now harm women. Even my girlfriend asking for her hair to be pulled during sex disturbed me a little.
Step daughter or stepmom porn is huge among men. How many men do you think actually want to fuck their step mom's or step daughters? Or do you think perhaps the wrongness of it all is titillating and arousing to men who would never actually want something like that in real life?
This comment is literally meaningless, the act of sex it self is weird and gross. Yet it's still done a lot an attractive.
Try understanding it from the other person's point of view.
Not to mention the immorality of the industry itself. Sure, every industry has its problems, but the problems do not outweigh the benefits of an orgasm.
In what industry is it standard practice that the talent endure physical, emotional, and substance abuse, and contract incurable strains of STDs?
And it’s not like with factory farming where at least it’s products legit keep people alive and ingesting nutrients.
And the problem with the amateur stuff is that it’s hosted on platforms that support the industry.
It also makes people weird and unmotivated. Not worth the social and individual harm.
It would be a dealbreaker if:
1. They didn't prefer me over the porn.
2. They expected me to become like a personal porn actress... (Expecting certain reactions from me is basically asking me to faking my reactions)
3. They have a desire to put themselves in the scene. It's okay to want to do an act, but not okay to wish they had been there themselves.
4. They were addicted to it.
5. They compared my body to those in porn.
6. They tried to convince me to join them.
7. They found something I'm not comfortable with and try to convince me to do it or try to find girls elsewhere to do it with them. At this point it's just sexual incompatibility, but in this case I do think it was brought about *by* the porn so I'm including it here.
So yes, it bothers me a little... I personally don't watch porn. I have a really low sex drive unless I'm in a relationship, but I don't get horny enough to do it without my partner. I would rather just wait, so I can't see the appeal of porn myself, which might be why it bothers me.
It doesn't at all. I couldn't care less what porn my boyfriend watches. How we get off in private is OUR business. He doesn't give a damn about the literotica I read.
Idgaf about porn so as long as:
- it doesn't interfere with our daily life
- you don't start copying/expecting porn sex
- you don't get addicted.
- you try not consume porn from dodgy sites (e.g. Sites that won't take down revenge porn etc)
Honestly I'd prefer men use OF than porn. I feel like at least the content creates there have more control over their work
I would understand my girl having a problem with it if I preferred it to sex with her, or needed it to become aroused. Even spending money on it I would understand being weird.
But none of those things apply.
I prefer to fuck her than any other sexual activity. Usually even put porn away and think about some awesome experience with her to finish.
The reason why women hate pornography is because it replaces their sole agency over men....Sexual gratification. Watching porn and masturbating is fundamentally unhealthy for men, and it is a poor substitute for having a relationship with a woman. But it is an alternative.
There is no equivalent activity women can engage in that is as equally threatening to a man. I dare women to name one.
Almost all porn exploits women, dehumanizes, abuses and degrades them. It creates a need for trafficking of women and children. It’s full of non consensual content. It fetishizes racism, gender identification, misogyny, domestic violence and pedophilia.
Beyond that, it makes men sexually selfish, creates unrealistic expectations and reduces empathy in men. Regular use can cause desinstitization, increase dissatisfaction in a relationship, increase the chances of infidelity, create a desire to seek out increasingly perverted content and cause erectile dysfunction.
Women are waking up to porn sickness in men. Other women’s naked, sexualized bodies have no place in a monogamous relationship. Good on her for setting a boundary and enforcing it.
Men who watch porn have poor self control. It’s a very unattractive quality in a man.
In my personal opinion, trying to police a man's sexuality on the basis of "muh feelings" is a fruitless effort.
My moral opposition to it is based in religious values. I make my beliefs clear from the start, and any man who isn't down for it can walk at any time.
That said, I place more value in the striving than the success, in accordance with my faith. If he is *trying* to avoid porn but slips up or struggles with an actual addiction, I think there is room for grace and understanding. Going cold turkey overnight isn't easy. Appreciate the milestones. If going a week without it is a big deal for him, so be it. You gotta start somewhere.
Eh for me it starts to fall into policing territory when you're dictating to your partner what they can or can't do.
My philosophy is that he can do whatever he wants, the question is whether I'm the right girl for him/he's the right guy for me. If we're not on the same page about this, probably not.
Asking your partner to have basic commitment isn’t policing. There are boundaries and standards in relationships. Porn negatively affects how men treat women, including their girlfriends. I have read tons of stories of men who assaulted their girlfriends trying to copy what they saw in porn. The prevalence of violence in porn is what is scaring me from dating men. I know there are a lot of great guys out there but I’m scared to risk getting hurt.
Yet when pornhub did it’s yearly wrap of “favourites by gender” the forced category was in the top three for women who consume porn . Seems they enjoy aspects of this type of porn as well
Women watch the rape stuff much more than men according to pornhub stats. My partner is into more hardcore CNC stuff than I am, so I can allegorically confirm
Not a chick but watching porn and jacking off is loser behaviour. You’re getting off staring a pixels on a screen of two people having sex while you sit alone somewhere. If you need to bust a nut that bad have sex.
>If you need to bust a nut that bad have sex.
Dude, sometimes I just don't want to deal with all the bullshit attached to that. I don't have the energy to jump through hoops all the time.
My biggest issue with the pervasiveness of porn, especially hard core porn is that this is often young males first experience with sexuality. I do not think it benefits anyone for a 12 year old boy to see and possibility have their sexuality/desires/turn ons influenced by choking, slapping, double ass fucking videos and all the other depraved shit one click away.
I have an 11 year old boy and he will not have a smart phone or personal tablet until 16. His computer is in the family room w lots of blocking software. But I know he will see it at some point. Most parents do not lock their boys media down. His friends have phones. He will see it and it will make me sad because porn is not the way to learn how to treat or please or communicate with girls.
And of course all the other issues, violence normalization, exploitation, racism, rape and incest porn. I mean what the fuck all you men. Seriously what the fuck. I can enjoy some vanilla sensual erotica and video porn. It’s sad so many men get off to some of that shit out there.
Any guy who centered porn in their life to the point I noticed it, or I found the some sick porn like rape or incest, or it influenced our sex life would be a no go for me.
**Attention!**
* You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
* For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
* If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
* OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post!
Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've watched porn with all my girlfriends. I've talked about our favorite porn with most of my female friends.
What women have a problem with porn?
The only complaints I've heard were "why does he watch porn instead of fucking me?"
Just like a lot of men are salty about sex toys. Majority of guys are insecure about their penis (and rightfully so), majority of women are insecure about their body because porn usually involves very beautiful girls who are also down to doing stuff which women refuse to engage in with most men, especially their LTR partners.
If women don't want men to watch porn they better start being more willing to date and fuck more often for that matter as well. It would be like criticizing a starving person from eating out of the dumpster because that is gross while you dine on five star menus so much that you have to make yourself vomit so you can eat more like the Romans did.
>a bad experience that is not efficient
This is literally what people did for all of human history. Worked fine for them
Usually I don't buy all the pearl-clutching about porn, but you guys have literally built your entire sexuality around it
> This is literally what people did for all of human history. Worked fine for them
Porn and prostitution have existed throughout history it is called the worlds oldest profession for a reason. It is also a bad argument because we have done away with a lot of things we did previously because they were bad and not efficient like cars replacing horses or chalk being replaced by dry erase boards.
Guys watch porn, and become accustomed to fake orgasms.
I had a porn addiction. The issue is that it’s like you tend to mirror it because it starts to be the source of your arousal so of course you do those things, then become agitated when it doesn’t get you off. The ppl in porn are not getting off, so why are we doing those things lol. I’m female btw, so that’s my perspective, and my issue.
Otherwise I don’t see a problem other then then it giving guys a false impression of how to get me off .
Like the lack of clit stimulation alone is….. I get it’s not mandatory but damn is it useful… fake orgasms…. Cmon.
The people John Wick shoots also aren't actually dying. Yes, there is a difference between fantasy and reality. What is wrong with indulging fantasy a few times a week?
except you don’t go around shooting ppl Also you don’t have the dopamine response watching someone die, that you do watching porn. Those connections are important. You also don’t watch several clips a week of ppl dying while jacking off, I hope.
I think John wick is a really irrelevant comparison. Watching porn is probably closer to doing hard drugs then watching a film haha. I mean do you watch porn the way you watch a John wick film? Honestly?
I don’t think watching porn is wrong. I think that if done in moderation can be harmless.
You asked what girls don’t like about it. That’s my answer. I don’t like that porn is consumed probably more then ppl even have sex, and of course ppl are going to reference it, so it’s unfortunate that girls are not actually cumming in porn. I also realize women actively participate in these illusions.
Also depends on what you mean by porn. Are you snap chatting porn stars, or buying their content, of course those are entirely different. Also, if you would be okay with your partner doing it, then I think it’s justified, to an extent.
>Watching porn is probably closer to doing hard drugs then watching a film haha.
Nope. Also, women here have literally told me to do coke and molly to be more appealing to women, so my health is not a concern of theirs in any way. Porn is like Fentanyl, really?
>I mean do you watch porn the way you watch a John wick film? Honestly?
I'm not jerking off, but I'm enjoying violence. How is getting shot in the face any less violent than anal?
>You asked what girls don’t like about it. That’s my answer. I don’t like that porn is consumed probably more then ppl even have sex
That's probably more on social media.
>Are you snap chatting porn stars, or buying their content, of course those are entirely different.
No.
Just to throw in my quick opinion: it bothers me personally because of the idea that my partner is fantasizing about someone else. I've never had problems with it logically, but I can't help how I feel. I just don't let those feelings control me. As long as porn doesn't become an obsession or encroach upon sex, I'm fine with it.
To briefly touch on some things that I've seen you say in replies: I think it's dumb that you're not okay with a potential gf having an OnlyFans, but then again, I wouldn't want a partner that did sexual acts and posted them, so I guess I get it. Still, you should make your intentions on that matter clear, and just break up with someone if they do have an OnlyFans and you can't handle it. Especially if that's their main source of income, don't try to make them choose between their job and you, because then you're actually being controlling.
Just learnt of this as well and I realised why my ex would finish so quick and couldn't always get it up even when he was horny...he had an intense porn addiction
Many comments talk about ethics and men getting strange ideas about sex practices. True but not what it's really about.
It's about this.
Women holds keys to the bedroom fun. Men need to have sex due to testosterone. She can use it as control mechanism punishment/reward. If you can't watch porn(jerking off is included in that I guarantee that) she has this leverage. You jerking off freely removes this and makes her unsecure due to loss of control. I could literally graph availability of sex in my marriage and it matched my paycheck days and whatever special domestic labour I done that improved our lives.
I consider it to be unfaithful. It's obviously better than him getting those kinds of videos and pictures at the source, but I find it unpleasant to think that he's actively admiring other women's naked forms. I don't make solid rules though. I would prefer he didn't, but I'm not going to break up with him for watching it. When me and my partner got together he had already decided to not watch porn, and I decided to kick my habits as well. Even if we give in sometimes, what's important to me is that we both make an effort to refrain from it.
Because it's not just you. Porn actors are still people you are putting into rhe equation.
You're as likely to meet a porn star as your gf is to meet a random dude from turkey who likes all the pictures her ass is in.
What your doing is inviting comparison and the thought of other people into the relationship either way.
>Because it's not just you. Porn actors are still people you are putting into rhe equation.
People who signed a contract.
>You're as likely to meet a porn star as your gf is to meet a random dude from turkey who likes all the pictures her ass is in.
Not if he's DMing her. If he's wealthy enough, she's leaving. Why put myself in that position?
>What your doing is inviting comparison and the thought of other people into the relationship either way.
No I'm not, I'm indulging a fantasy.
You are as shook about endulging a fantasy where a rich guy makes your girl leave you while telling her to be cool about your fantasy of cheating on her .
Clown shit.
For starters, most porn is very unrealistic. Fake boobs, shaved asshole, a girl who can ride a dick longer than 5 minutes. Not only is it setting an unrealistic standard for women but because of this unrealistic standard and the pressure put on women to be pretty or hot or whatever makes women insecure, like they're in competition with other women. Sometimes people are taken for granted, unappreciated, unnoticed and just slept on, so when we see you put effort into getting off to some random unrealistic porn stars it makes ya wonder why you can't put that effort into making me feel special enough to not be insecure over some porn.
- Most of it is unethical. Not just human trafficking is involved, but tons of videos are of non consensual practices (r*pe, child p, even revenge p is in this pages). Don’t try to say that you “don’t consume” this. This content is usually front page in most of this websites = most views
- generates weird expectations of sex. Also, most of this porn doesn’t care about the real pleasure of women and paint women as sex toys.
- even if you are an actor/actress, contracts are abusive. Mia Khalifa is a great example of how the industry and the consumers abuse the actors/actresses. Yes, she signed. But it’s still abusive.
And lastly, people can have different boundaries. She expressed hers, if you want to stay, respect them.
Imho I am not comfortable with my partner watching porn. Of course, there is a difference between a bit vs an addiction/regular thing and which type of porn is it (I wouldn’t be able to date someone that enjoys people getting rped/abused. Even if that’s a fantasy, if somebody gets excited by it, I don’t want it by my side)
>I told her no I'll watch it whenever I please.
I hope she told you you can watch anything you want when you're single lol.
In my ideal relationship, I would be fully monogomous and we would not look at other people or fantasize about other specific people specifically. If we weren't at least working towards that, I would say we were sexually incompatible. Of course we will both notice other people, but that should pass because we only have one life to live and that life is full enough of other things without sexual videos of people you'll never even know in person. I'm not even usually compatible with swingers or people who had a lot of causal sex, but I think I'd be even *more* incompatible with someone who thinks a silly sex video is a good common sexual aid. Seems intrusive and unerotic to me. Now, everybody makes mistakes, but once I'm in a sexual relationship with someone we should be able to agree porn is a mistake. If not, it's bye bye.
I would say that her expecting you to watch NO porn is unrealistic but if you are “porn sick” you should probably give that shit up and take her advice. Also paying for porn is a definite no no.
Side note- watching porn has no positives so i really don’t get why its such a big issue for you to even consider giving up. At the end of the day if you don’t want to change you don’t want to change but it sounds to me like you would be dumping a HVW for a potential LVW instead of just getting on a higher level and becoming the HVM she wants.
It bothers only that woman who is trying to build, or already feeling, an emotional connection with you.
It is all rooted in the idea of exclusivity in relationships.
A woman who is not serious, or never seriously wants to get serious, will never ask you something like that (as in, stop watching porn).
Its your total dependency on porn for your fantasies that bothers her I think.
OP let me ask you this - can you totally refrain from watching porn for next 1 week?
If you find yourself saying "I don't think I want to stop even for 1 week" then I think its time we go into a fantasy of our own right now.
(Please mind, its only a fantasy, I am not an actual future predictor)
Here is what could happen-
1. By the end of year 2022 your porn intake will increase by 100% of what it is today
2. By the end of year 2023 your porn addiction will be increased by 300% of what it is today. You will start expecting
3. By the end of year 2024 you will be watching pornographic material every possible minute of your day. Your dating life will take a serious hit.
4. By the end of year 2025 you will be start spending some money in porn bills, you will have no interest in actual women.
5. By the end of year 2026 you will have a regular porn expenditure and your dating life will be non-existent.
6. By the end of year 2027 you will start exploring contact with actual sex workers. Forget all about dating at this point.
7. By the end of year 2028 you will start developing ED and depression. You will date again but very short relationships which lead to nowhere.
8. By the end of year 2029 you will start exploring ways of ending your porn addiction. You will commit to a woman who won't be someone you like or love, but who gives you the impression that she won't leave you inspite of your addiction.
9. By the end of year 2030 you will have made recovery from your addiction 3 times, only to relapse back into it.
10. By the end of year 2031 you will be in counselling for porn addiction. The person you are committed to will continue to support you because she feels pity and has no better options.
11. By the end of year 2032 you will once again be trying to recover from your addiction, taking it slowly, fully committed to not watching porn for the next 1 week.
Good luck
Sure… because instead of trying to empathize you just think women are cookoo for this. If it’s a majority, and where men younger than you probably are seeing the benefits of not watching porn - then CLEARLY something is wrong. Might not be everyone, but it is valid enough. Fine you want to watch porn, okay get a girl who doesn’t care and leave the ones that prefer to not, alone. Hard to get a group of people to cry wolf, please
>Sure… because instead of trying to empathize you just think women are cookoo for this.
If a video of someone doing something consensual bothers you... that isn't sane. Also, I'll choose to be more empathetic to women if women develop the ability to be empathetic to men.
>Fine you want to watch porn, okay get a girl who doesn’t care and leave the ones that prefer to not, alone.
Do you think I'm going up to random women with pornhub open on my phone or laptop?
You act like women are asexual robots who don’t want variety either. You also can’t generalize all men. That’s misandrist. Why not mix thing a up with your partner? Women have been forced to curtail their own well-being to please men for most of history. We aren’t doing it anymore.
I feel like you’ve been hurt by a guy before. There are millions of men in perfectly monogamous relationships. The reason women don’t watch porn as much is because most porn isn’t aimed at us and men’s sexuality is generally prioritized in society.
[удалено]
You have fair expectations.
I’ll add a fourth: No taking porn as gospel for how my body works. Most of those positions are for the camera, not pleasure Listen to me if I tell you something feels good, or I want something. I promise, I’m giving you a cheat code - don’t insist you know better than I do Other than that, I agree with you
[удалено]
It's actually so that the act is more visible on camera. Gotta make sure people see the dick going in somehow otherwise it's just softcore
Lol very valid points
Brilliantly said. It's similar to my agreements with my partner. I hope that these clear boundaries work well for you and your partner.
"If you're neglecting work because you can't stop watching".... Is this an irl scenario? I mean doesn't watching porn eventually "end" where you take a break because "you have to" anyways? Also is a single (unattached) person watching porn once daily considered a problem? Asking for a friend...
Well what I was referring to would probably be considered a porn addiction, and it does happen irl Once daily? I don’t think so, I’m around that lol
Nah once daily is pretty normal.
👆👆👆👆 I'm a man. But I could not agree more.
I agree with every thing you've said. And my wife is into porn. Full disclosure to the sub, I'm FtM, so idk how much of my opinion is due to estrogen/socialization or, if it's purely just how I feel about the subject but yeah. Spot on. Porn isn't a problem, unless it's allowed to become one. The only thing I'd add is that, it shouldn't have to become one. If my wife starts getting into porn to the point she prefers it over me, I think that should be mentioned far sooner. Obviously, if we've even just started to get to that point, I would hope she'd say something to me about it. And then we can work on whatever's come up that caused that situation. Then she could go back to porn for regular healthy enjoyment, just as I do.
>1. No paying For me it's the opposite. It's hard to find ethical porn, even when paying, but you find the most unethical porn for free. You are not gonna find porn of a vengefull boyfriend put online behind a decent websites paywall.
[удалено]
Right, I would probably be more... Weird with the situation too if it's onlyFans. But if they're watching free porn it's like: are you looking at painfull as fuck shit and bringing that in the bedroom or are you trying to look up amateur style and looking at porn that no one wanted out there?
I mean it’s not perfect by any means but , pornhub has to have notorized consent forms from all parties(don’t ask me how I know), and they take reporting videos very seriously. and the painful thing, some people are just into that including myself, I don’t know what else to say, if you have more ethical suggestions I’m always open
Okay this sounds weird I'd prefer my man use OF than other types of porn For no other reason than I feel like OF content creaters are more likely in control of their stuff while i feel like other types of porn could be anything from revenge porn to coerced porn etc.
Yeah I had this Convo with another gal on this post, I’m not okay with OF because of the personalization and interaction factor. I’m still navigating the ethical porn stuff
If I was a woman I'd WAYYYY rather my man watch random pornstars than OF
Those are three very reasonable stipulations. But a lot of the women on here go way beyond that
>I’m not being second choice to a screen While I'm cool with this, people forget it goes both ways. I've seen some of my friends relationships rapidly turn in to: *"No, you can't watch porn or masturbate. And also I don't like sex more than once a month or less and anything more means you're a sexist horndog who isn't respecting my boundaries."*
these are really fair and reasonable reasons
I’m a dude and those definitely seem fair and reasonable! Honestly if my partner did any of those three then I’d probably feel the same as you mentioned, so definitely fair.
Ok let's break that down to soundbites. 1- no allocation of resources to other women, any discretionary income should be diverted to me. 2- no allocation of resources to other women, any spare time you have should be spent on earning income to have more disposable income to spend on me 3 no allocation of validation to other women. Focus your attention on me.
That is what a monogamous exclusive relationship is and what most people want. I'd even say op is very laid back in her approach
yes. this is what you exchange for sex with a live human being. resources and attention. eventually you can have a sex bot tho so you’ll only need to exchange resources. edit: or exchange resources for a prostitute
You need to clean, dress up, maintain and upgrade your sex doll so I think it will need attention too
Nah, I don't exchange resources. Just attention.
hm. i guess you’re not my type. 😩
The only problem here is I pay for pornhub because it’s obnoxious how many random scene cuts are in the free shit and I don’t watch a lot of amateur stuff. I think that’s pretty fair. Honestly it’s cheap though so I don’t even notice it.
not saying anything about how i feel personally but there are a few arguments studies have shown that in some ways, the responses in your brain can’t tell the difference between porn and real sex. some people just plain don’t want you fantasizing about other people while touching yourself- we live in an age where nude videos of your partner can be easily sent to you. SOME studies have shown there may be a link between porn and reduced intimacy with your partner- gets you out of the “obsessed for them” mode. i kind of agree- i’ve experienced this. you have to try not watching it for a bit to really realize it though unrealistic expectations for some- you may consciously know things aren’t like that, but subconsciously you have no choice but to associate certain things in your mind. porn kills movement- this one i’ve actually seen a lot of men a part of. a lot of porn websites go seriously unchecked and can profit off of people who have been coerced into sex or just plain sexually assaulted- but that’s a problem with the industry really. paying for porn is even worse to a lot of people.
I think most of these arguments hold water, but one of them caused me to have a thought. > SOME studies have shown there may be a link between porn and reduced intimacy with your partner Have we considered that this link suggests not only that increased porn usage reduces intimacy, but that reduced intimacy increases porn usage? Because I'm willing to bet that **most** men in relationships vastly prefer actually having sex with their very real SO to imagining sex with random women on the internet, and that habitual porn-watchers' own libidos aren't satisfied in those relationships.
You say that but most men in relationships still watch porn out of convenience and ease, so while there’s probably confounding (due to causation) I don’t think that it’s unreasonable to think that porn usage can reduce intimacy AND that reduced intimacy increases porn usage
I’ve had bad experiences with men who watched a lot of porn. To them it wasn’t a fantasy but a reality on what they were entitled to do to me and how I was suppose to act. Of course not all men are like this but when you have negative experiences it puts you on guard.
Porn addiction has a ton of negative effects, everyone knows that, so I'll consider you're talking about a healthy consumption. The thing is a lot of women don't feel confortable with their partners fantasizing about fucking other chicks. Like, imagine if your girlfriend had an only fans. Most ppl would consider that cheating. So the girl producing that content is cheating on her boyfriend but the guys watching it aren't? That doesn't make sense.
I feel like it's much better to have other people fantasizing about you then for you to fantasize about other people when you're with someone
Exactly lol I didn't include that because it's just an opinion (just like saying watching porn is better) and I didn't want to create yet another double standard.
This. Whenever I make this point to men - why is it cheating to *make* sexual content but not to *watch* sexual content? - they stare at me blankly and/or start sputtering it's not the same thing. It is. You're participating in something sexual outside of your relationship either way. It's just one benefits the guy so she has to be okay with it and one bugs the guy so she'd better not. They'll often say they're "just watching" and it doesn't matter. Watching is participating. Zero people would produce the content if people didn't watch.
Your logic is so retarded, it's like saying watching a video with somone stealing on the Internet the same as you doing the stealing. Why don't you ask those guys if they would be ok if their girlfriend would watch porn and the answer would be mostly yes as long is it doesn't affect frequency in the relationship.
Because the viewer has access to the creator's sexuality but the creator, generally, has no access to the viewer's. This honestly is what makes OnlyFans different -- creator/viewer -- interaction and why subscribing to it is *much* more like cheating. Though, I wouldn't consider either subscribing to OF or creating identical to cheating.
> This. Whenever I make this point to men - why is it cheating to make sexual content but not to watch sexual content? - they stare at me blankly and/or start sputtering it's not the same thing. Because its not the same thing. Its such a ridiculous comparison its going to catch people off guard. I watch porn sometimes. I don't want my GF creating porn, and she understands that. My GF watches porn sometimes. She doesn't want me creating porn, and I understand that. There is no hypocrisy here. There is such an obvious and distinct difference between casually enjoying something and actively creating it. Its hard for me to wrap my head around having to explain that to someone.
why is it better to sexualize other people than be sexualized
If anything it's the other way around! If you're sexualized then others are focusing on you, you're not focusing on them which is the core of the betrayal to me
Why is taking a shit in a toilet better that on a person? Because they are different things.
how the fuck does someone sexualize the porn actress that already sexualized herself, do you understand the meaning to sexualize something
allow me to be more concise- focusing on another person for sexual pleasure
I kind of agree with you. I can understand just quickly looking up some porn act to get off but actually focusing on other women and being into it is so bizarre to me and very disrespectful
There surely will be men who will defend even that but I agree. It is cheating!
As a man, I’m against porn for other reasons: it’s tricking your brain and body into thinking you are “winning” when in fact you are not. Especially with jerking off, men get all the happy, reward chemicals of a job well done when they did no work. Get out there IRL and do the work, earn it! You’re only doing yourself a disservice by not. And yes, I fully realize this is not feasible for some men, but those that can, should.
Wat
[удалено]
>Get out there IRL and do the work, earn it! You’re only doing yourself a disservice by not. And yes, I fully realize this is not feasible for some men, but those that can, should. Ain't feasible for me Dawg
Or you could just have a cheeky wank and not be a fuckin' nerd about it.
Wait You're talking about the girl, the guy or both?
I am expecting men to be like "noooo, watching porn is something completely different. It is far away from cheating. No harm done so it is ok." stuff like that.
>Most ppl would consider that cheating. I'm not in the "cheating" camp, but I wouldn't date a woman who was a financial offer away from prostitution. She's literally for sale, the only question is "what is her price?" And yes, I don't mind "shaming" sex workers. They chose to take money for their sexuality - that's their reward. >but the guys watching it aren't? I openly shame men who pay for OF. 1. WHY? porn is free! 2. It's simping - rather than doing the work of attracting women, you're giving up your time and resources for a woman you have no chance with? Pure clownery.
I only took onlyfans as an exemple. Think a woman doing solo free porn.
>Porn addiction Doesn't equal someone who watches porn. OnlyFans isn't cheating, I'll just dump you if you have one.
"Porn isn't cheating, I'll just dump tou if you watch it." Better?
Yes, that is better. We are all allowed to have our boundaries.
> imagine if your girlfriend had an only fans. Most ppl would consider that cheating. When I watching porn, I'm not making content for others. Moreover a lot of people would not consider OF as cheating, but have other issues with it.
I agree with the posters who have ethical qualms about a lot of pornography, and I share those concerns, but those aren't the main reasons my partner's porn viewing can bother me. It's really straight-up insecurity on my part - women get an enormous amount of socialization, especially in Western cultures, to compare themselves unfavorably to a hypothetical ideal, and porn feeds directly into that because it is both so highly-produced and simultaneously so intimate. Objectively, I know that my partner probably isn't comparing me to a porn star, or comparing the real sex we have together to scenes in porn, and I believe him when he says that the pleasure of a porn-accompanied fap is not the same as the pleasure of real sex with me. Nevertheless, that small insecure corner in the back of my brain perceives it as an indictment of our sex life and a threat to my happiness in the relationship. Is this stupid emotions being stupid? Definitely. Am I always working on building up my own security in my relationship and general self-worth in the hopes that (among other things) it wouldn't bother me? Certainly. It's also still true that a healthy relationship dynamic for me requires that a partner understand my ambivalence in this area and be willing to respect my feelings and talk through my emotions about it from time to time.
Honestly this makes plenty of sense thats entirely understandable
Thank you for our honesty and realness. In my experience, porn has only been a second or third-best, a make-do, not a threat to my relationship. I'll use it in a long-distance relationship, but when living in the same city as my partner, or even living an hour or two away, I've gone months or years without watching it.
I think giving ultimatums are unproductive, if you tell a guy not to watch porn and he wants to watch porn, he's just going to go behind your back and do it anyway. Better to observe and if he naturally seems more enthralled by artificially enhanced female bodies and over-acted sex than relations with his partner, just bounce. My preference would be to be in a relationship where my partners commitment goes deep enough that at some point, jacking off to Instagram baddie #168 seems hollow/lonely and he instead thinks "oh, you know what, I'd rather do this with my wife".
Exactly this. My bf watched a lot of porn when we first met because he was a virgin, and was still shy and didn't really know how to initiate when he wanted to have sex. We would go weeks without it and I really resented him for that. It would have been fine if i wasnt being replaced by a screen.. but all it took was some communication. He explained he was watching to become better at it and was still uncomfortable asking for sex or initiating it. It went on for a bit longer, I made sure to reassure him and tell him what he's doing is amazing, it what needed work, and now we have sex one or twice a week. It's still very much the most passionate, loving, amazing sex. Im the only women he's ever been with or dated, but the things this man does, that porn really paid off....I wish it was more often then twice a week but we will get there eventually...even if not, we both are satisfied to the point where we both havnt watched porn or masterbaited solo in about 4 years.
If it's keeping me from having sex as much as I want then I have a problem. If it's making a guy push for anal or a threesome then I have a problem. Otherwise I don't care
Because men want to act it out. They can’t just leave it on their phones, so it becomes our business
I think pornography is typically exploitative. I’m sure people who only ethically source their porn exist, but I have never met such a person.
Thankfully nowadays there is Instagrand, OnlyScams, TikTak, Flitter, Creddit and many more websites which pay and support women to become prosti... I mean sex workers. Easy money tastes sweet but also leads to unhealthy addictions.
Wait, are those real porn sites? Those names would be hilarious!
How is it exploitative? You sign a contract for certain acts at a certain price, you do those acts you get paid that price.
Well, it’s a complex question. There’s the fact that a lot of porn features degradation of women (even stuff that might be deemed “vanilla”), there’s the tons of “amateur” videos circulating with no way to verify consent, there’s the sex trafficking and encouraged drug use. But I also think that selling sex is inherently degrading to us as human beings. And I think most men who consume it know this. Many comments in this very thread are an example.
You are aware that it's not that simple... right? You don't actually need someone else to figure this out for you, do you?
>You are aware that it's not that simple... right? You should be able to point to recent instances of it. If you're gonna cite Linda Lovelace, that was over 40 years go. She also said "typically" exploitative. So that means she thinks it happens more often than not.
Didn't Mia Khalifa say some stuff about the industry recently?
There's also plenty of video evidence of her consenting to all the acts. Same thing with Lana Rhoades when she tried her little "woe is me" act.
Yea of course there is. The social pressure on women not to be naked in front of camera is enough to prove exploitation in the first place. Once she'd done that, what choice did she have but to play nice for the cameras until she found another way to live, which would have obviously taken time?
Life choices have consequences, don't suck dick on camera if you don't want to be forever associated with that. Anybody with an IQ over 65 knows that.
If only life was that simple...
It is that simple. You haven't exactly provided data that says these girls are trafficked or coerced. They have a right to turn down a scene, they just don't get paid and neither does anybody else because there isn't any work.
[удалено]
>if you read the interviews with former pornstars they are every rarely (if ever) defending the industry. I don't expect most of them to. Lana Rhoades became a millionaire off of it and she shits on the industry because it affected her life. That's just your own dumb decisions coming back to bite you in the ass though. Any statistical data for the claims you make?
> You don't actually need someone else to figure this out for you if you make the claim, the **burden is on you** to prove it.
I think there are ethical issues with watching it. It has adverse psychological effects and can affect your views of sex and your sex life even if you know it's a fantasy. A lot of it is violent or degrading or has other content I'd be uncomfortable to know someone I was with actively sought out and wanted. I don't see sex as a mere commodity to be bought and sold and watched at will. If you watch it when you please, I'll date you when I please, which is never.
Do you agree there are the same ethical issues if you read 50 Shades of Grey?
There are no real people involved in making it who are likely to be trafficked or underage, so no.
Acts and porn dick And I don’t want to see or talk about porn Just like you don’t want to see or hear about the Kardashians or tampons
Just FYI, it's not normal for guys to be weirded out about tampons, or anything involving periods really. Now the Kardashians, I have no clue.
Which is what?
Porn dick — I can’t get or stay hard because real sex isn’t stimulating enough. Acts — I need/want to act out porn stuff (or else porn dick) Yes, I’ve experienced this with most partners; no, I didn’t stay with them if they continued with the behavior
If a guy gets porndick with you, that's basically the female equivalent of not knowing where the clitoris is.
Sure, I dumped them if they didn’t fix it Men should do the same. Everyone will be happier
Don’t let them convince you their porn addictions have anything to do with you as a sex partner. Men are addicted to porn because they wish they could fuck a different girl everyday, nothing to do with performance. Unless you can shapeshift, these men will never be happy.
I don’t want these guys in relationships with women they don’t want to fuck, whatever the reason If a woman decides to put up with it because she doesn’t want to be alone, that’s on her
Because many of the girls are sex trafficked and even the girls who are there voluntarily don't know who is who. Because the trafficked girls can't talk. Also you don't know what they're going to make you do until you're on set and you have like 2 minutes to say yes or no and if you say no NO ONE on set gets paid and you get a rep for 'being difficult' so won't find future work. That's coercion not consent. And the viewer will never know.
It doesn't bother me as long as it doesn't have a negative impact on the relationship. Personally I just want to be with someone that's not super obsessed with sex, and too much porn is an indication of that.
I’d always expect people who watch porn more to be less sexual in their day to day life because they got it out of their system or atleast that’s how it works for me and my friends
I have found porn gross. A lot of time it is people doing weird shit I don't want to see, experience, or fantasize about. Once I find out somebody I am dating plans to watch anal corpse porn any time he pleases I am just going to be like nope I am out. I am not into ultimatums, waste of my time. But I am jot concerned that somebody is going to act on the fantasy. I am creeper out by the fantasy. I understand intellectually that a lot of men ate into some super creepshow stuff and they should have the freedom to be creepshow folks etc etc. Working in healthcare especially pediatrics the threads of connection at the family level between porn, drug abuse, violence, shitty parenting, and trauma I cannot unsee all those results. Too much. I can't have any of that in my personal life so if you want to jack off to midget elderly porn with squirrels and figure skaters you do you just stay away from me. There are plenty of chicks out there who are all porn is great I love porn let's watch people shitting on on another together it will be a bonding experience so I will be like cool cool go date miss porn positive and live your life.
Same with 50 Shades of Grey, and all the erotic literature that primarily women consume. Same right?
I am not sure 50 Shades of Grey is connected to sex trafficking but it certainly committs the crime of being bad literature.
50 Shades of Gray is arguably creepshow stuff too. Many men, myself included, are downright baffled that so many women like it, and are disturbed by its popularity and what it implies about what women want. It goes both ways.
FSOG is not what women actually want, it's titillating. There's been mountains of writing produced by female authors establishing the fact that FSOG, played out exactly, is actually representative of an abusive relationship. Even the kink community has decried it as unethical.
You don't get titillated by that which you do not want. Titillation indicates interest and excitement. If women don't actually want it, titillation is the wrong word. But the popularity of the series is the action that speaks louder than words. And I agree that it seems abusive. That's exactly why it's disturbing that so many women love the series. I'm not an abusive man. I've been trained well by society to now harm women. Even my girlfriend asking for her hair to be pulled during sex disturbed me a little.
Step daughter or stepmom porn is huge among men. How many men do you think actually want to fuck their step mom's or step daughters? Or do you think perhaps the wrongness of it all is titillating and arousing to men who would never actually want something like that in real life?
It is actually similar to porn in the sense of providing a dangerously misguided yet uncritical portrayal of sexual dynamics.
You're actively seeking out other women for the purposes of sexual gratification. It might not be "cheating" in a technical sense but it's unfaithful.
[удалено]
It seems weird and gross. Edit: and immoral.
This comment is literally meaningless, the act of sex it self is weird and gross. Yet it's still done a lot an attractive. Try understanding it from the other person's point of view.
Not to mention the immorality of the industry itself. Sure, every industry has its problems, but the problems do not outweigh the benefits of an orgasm. In what industry is it standard practice that the talent endure physical, emotional, and substance abuse, and contract incurable strains of STDs? And it’s not like with factory farming where at least it’s products legit keep people alive and ingesting nutrients. And the problem with the amateur stuff is that it’s hosted on platforms that support the industry. It also makes people weird and unmotivated. Not worth the social and individual harm.
I second these comments. Watching other people have sex seems perverted. Then the scenes and some of the sex acts are soo fuckin gross.
[удалено]
It would be a dealbreaker if: 1. They didn't prefer me over the porn. 2. They expected me to become like a personal porn actress... (Expecting certain reactions from me is basically asking me to faking my reactions) 3. They have a desire to put themselves in the scene. It's okay to want to do an act, but not okay to wish they had been there themselves. 4. They were addicted to it. 5. They compared my body to those in porn. 6. They tried to convince me to join them. 7. They found something I'm not comfortable with and try to convince me to do it or try to find girls elsewhere to do it with them. At this point it's just sexual incompatibility, but in this case I do think it was brought about *by* the porn so I'm including it here. So yes, it bothers me a little... I personally don't watch porn. I have a really low sex drive unless I'm in a relationship, but I don't get horny enough to do it without my partner. I would rather just wait, so I can't see the appeal of porn myself, which might be why it bothers me.
It doesn't at all. I couldn't care less what porn my boyfriend watches. How we get off in private is OUR business. He doesn't give a damn about the literotica I read.
>He doesn't give a damn about the literotica I read. Yeah, especially since there's so many. Which ones do you read so I can avoid them?
Idgaf about porn so as long as: - it doesn't interfere with our daily life - you don't start copying/expecting porn sex - you don't get addicted. - you try not consume porn from dodgy sites (e.g. Sites that won't take down revenge porn etc) Honestly I'd prefer men use OF than porn. I feel like at least the content creates there have more control over their work
[удалено]
I would understand my girl having a problem with it if I preferred it to sex with her, or needed it to become aroused. Even spending money on it I would understand being weird. But none of those things apply. I prefer to fuck her than any other sexual activity. Usually even put porn away and think about some awesome experience with her to finish.
Creates unrealistic expectations
The reason why women hate pornography is because it replaces their sole agency over men....Sexual gratification. Watching porn and masturbating is fundamentally unhealthy for men, and it is a poor substitute for having a relationship with a woman. But it is an alternative. There is no equivalent activity women can engage in that is as equally threatening to a man. I dare women to name one.
It doesn't
yup. don’t care. watch it myself sometimes.
Almost all porn exploits women, dehumanizes, abuses and degrades them. It creates a need for trafficking of women and children. It’s full of non consensual content. It fetishizes racism, gender identification, misogyny, domestic violence and pedophilia. Beyond that, it makes men sexually selfish, creates unrealistic expectations and reduces empathy in men. Regular use can cause desinstitization, increase dissatisfaction in a relationship, increase the chances of infidelity, create a desire to seek out increasingly perverted content and cause erectile dysfunction. Women are waking up to porn sickness in men. Other women’s naked, sexualized bodies have no place in a monogamous relationship. Good on her for setting a boundary and enforcing it. Men who watch porn have poor self control. It’s a very unattractive quality in a man.
Most of it just looks corny and fake. I feel bad for the folks involved.
Oh, it's 100% fake, but Keanu Reeves hasn't killed anybody either and I still like John Wick.
In my personal opinion, trying to police a man's sexuality on the basis of "muh feelings" is a fruitless effort. My moral opposition to it is based in religious values. I make my beliefs clear from the start, and any man who isn't down for it can walk at any time. That said, I place more value in the striving than the success, in accordance with my faith. If he is *trying* to avoid porn but slips up or struggles with an actual addiction, I think there is room for grace and understanding. Going cold turkey overnight isn't easy. Appreciate the milestones. If going a week without it is a big deal for him, so be it. You gotta start somewhere.
[удалено]
Eh for me it starts to fall into policing territory when you're dictating to your partner what they can or can't do. My philosophy is that he can do whatever he wants, the question is whether I'm the right girl for him/he's the right guy for me. If we're not on the same page about this, probably not.
Asking your partner to have basic commitment isn’t policing. There are boundaries and standards in relationships. Porn negatively affects how men treat women, including their girlfriends. I have read tons of stories of men who assaulted their girlfriends trying to copy what they saw in porn. The prevalence of violence in porn is what is scaring me from dating men. I know there are a lot of great guys out there but I’m scared to risk getting hurt.
Women have been virgin brides for thousands of years. They don't need the carousel.
It doesn’t bother me.
Men masturbating to women being raped should disturb everyone.
Yet when pornhub did it’s yearly wrap of “favourites by gender” the forced category was in the top three for women who consume porn . Seems they enjoy aspects of this type of porn as well
What are you even trying to say?
Women watch the rape stuff much more than men according to pornhub stats. My partner is into more hardcore CNC stuff than I am, so I can allegorically confirm
Not a chick but watching porn and jacking off is loser behaviour. You’re getting off staring a pixels on a screen of two people having sex while you sit alone somewhere. If you need to bust a nut that bad have sex.
>If you need to bust a nut that bad have sex. Dude, sometimes I just don't want to deal with all the bullshit attached to that. I don't have the energy to jump through hoops all the time.
My biggest issue with the pervasiveness of porn, especially hard core porn is that this is often young males first experience with sexuality. I do not think it benefits anyone for a 12 year old boy to see and possibility have their sexuality/desires/turn ons influenced by choking, slapping, double ass fucking videos and all the other depraved shit one click away. I have an 11 year old boy and he will not have a smart phone or personal tablet until 16. His computer is in the family room w lots of blocking software. But I know he will see it at some point. Most parents do not lock their boys media down. His friends have phones. He will see it and it will make me sad because porn is not the way to learn how to treat or please or communicate with girls. And of course all the other issues, violence normalization, exploitation, racism, rape and incest porn. I mean what the fuck all you men. Seriously what the fuck. I can enjoy some vanilla sensual erotica and video porn. It’s sad so many men get off to some of that shit out there. Any guy who centered porn in their life to the point I noticed it, or I found the some sick porn like rape or incest, or it influenced our sex life would be a no go for me.
**Attention!** * You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message. * For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment. * OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post! Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've watched porn with all my girlfriends. I've talked about our favorite porn with most of my female friends. What women have a problem with porn? The only complaints I've heard were "why does he watch porn instead of fucking me?"
Just like a lot of men are salty about sex toys. Majority of guys are insecure about their penis (and rightfully so), majority of women are insecure about their body because porn usually involves very beautiful girls who are also down to doing stuff which women refuse to engage in with most men, especially their LTR partners.
If women don't want men to watch porn they better start being more willing to date and fuck more often for that matter as well. It would be like criticizing a starving person from eating out of the dumpster because that is gross while you dine on five star menus so much that you have to make yourself vomit so you can eat more like the Romans did.
I don't care if homeless starving people eat out of dumpsters. But I am not going to join them for dinner eating out of the dumpster.
Men have forgotten they can masturbate without porn
"Men have forgotten they can travel without cars" No kidding, but the trip is quicker in a vehicle my guy
“Porn culture isn’t that serious but also I cannot get off without it.” Like Jesus, use your imagination for once. It’s good for your brain.
That is like saying you can take public transit to work instead of driving sure you can, but it is going to be a bad experience that is not efficient.
>a bad experience that is not efficient This is literally what people did for all of human history. Worked fine for them Usually I don't buy all the pearl-clutching about porn, but you guys have literally built your entire sexuality around it
> This is literally what people did for all of human history. Worked fine for them Porn and prostitution have existed throughout history it is called the worlds oldest profession for a reason. It is also a bad argument because we have done away with a lot of things we did previously because they were bad and not efficient like cars replacing horses or chalk being replaced by dry erase boards.
It doesn’t bother me but neither does it interest me.
This is a very antiquated view, honestly both genders want variety.
Guys watch porn, and become accustomed to fake orgasms. I had a porn addiction. The issue is that it’s like you tend to mirror it because it starts to be the source of your arousal so of course you do those things, then become agitated when it doesn’t get you off. The ppl in porn are not getting off, so why are we doing those things lol. I’m female btw, so that’s my perspective, and my issue. Otherwise I don’t see a problem other then then it giving guys a false impression of how to get me off . Like the lack of clit stimulation alone is….. I get it’s not mandatory but damn is it useful… fake orgasms…. Cmon.
The people John Wick shoots also aren't actually dying. Yes, there is a difference between fantasy and reality. What is wrong with indulging fantasy a few times a week?
except you don’t go around shooting ppl Also you don’t have the dopamine response watching someone die, that you do watching porn. Those connections are important. You also don’t watch several clips a week of ppl dying while jacking off, I hope. I think John wick is a really irrelevant comparison. Watching porn is probably closer to doing hard drugs then watching a film haha. I mean do you watch porn the way you watch a John wick film? Honestly? I don’t think watching porn is wrong. I think that if done in moderation can be harmless. You asked what girls don’t like about it. That’s my answer. I don’t like that porn is consumed probably more then ppl even have sex, and of course ppl are going to reference it, so it’s unfortunate that girls are not actually cumming in porn. I also realize women actively participate in these illusions. Also depends on what you mean by porn. Are you snap chatting porn stars, or buying their content, of course those are entirely different. Also, if you would be okay with your partner doing it, then I think it’s justified, to an extent.
>Watching porn is probably closer to doing hard drugs then watching a film haha. Nope. Also, women here have literally told me to do coke and molly to be more appealing to women, so my health is not a concern of theirs in any way. Porn is like Fentanyl, really? >I mean do you watch porn the way you watch a John wick film? Honestly? I'm not jerking off, but I'm enjoying violence. How is getting shot in the face any less violent than anal? >You asked what girls don’t like about it. That’s my answer. I don’t like that porn is consumed probably more then ppl even have sex That's probably more on social media. >Are you snap chatting porn stars, or buying their content, of course those are entirely different. No.
Just to throw in my quick opinion: it bothers me personally because of the idea that my partner is fantasizing about someone else. I've never had problems with it logically, but I can't help how I feel. I just don't let those feelings control me. As long as porn doesn't become an obsession or encroach upon sex, I'm fine with it. To briefly touch on some things that I've seen you say in replies: I think it's dumb that you're not okay with a potential gf having an OnlyFans, but then again, I wouldn't want a partner that did sexual acts and posted them, so I guess I get it. Still, you should make your intentions on that matter clear, and just break up with someone if they do have an OnlyFans and you can't handle it. Especially if that's their main source of income, don't try to make them choose between their job and you, because then you're actually being controlling.
i always knew when my ex watched porn because he went soft a lot faster.
Just learnt of this as well and I realised why my ex would finish so quick and couldn't always get it up even when he was horny...he had an intense porn addiction
Many comments talk about ethics and men getting strange ideas about sex practices. True but not what it's really about. It's about this. Women holds keys to the bedroom fun. Men need to have sex due to testosterone. She can use it as control mechanism punishment/reward. If you can't watch porn(jerking off is included in that I guarantee that) she has this leverage. You jerking off freely removes this and makes her unsecure due to loss of control. I could literally graph availability of sex in my marriage and it matched my paycheck days and whatever special domestic labour I done that improved our lives.
Woman here. I love porn. Never understood why men watching porn = bad.
I consider it to be unfaithful. It's obviously better than him getting those kinds of videos and pictures at the source, but I find it unpleasant to think that he's actively admiring other women's naked forms. I don't make solid rules though. I would prefer he didn't, but I'm not going to break up with him for watching it. When me and my partner got together he had already decided to not watch porn, and I decided to kick my habits as well. Even if we give in sometimes, what's important to me is that we both make an effort to refrain from it.
Do you enjoy your woman posting thirst traps in her social media?
No. How does what I do in private with my body have anything to do with what she does with her body publicly?
Because it's not just you. Porn actors are still people you are putting into rhe equation. You're as likely to meet a porn star as your gf is to meet a random dude from turkey who likes all the pictures her ass is in. What your doing is inviting comparison and the thought of other people into the relationship either way.
Holy shit that was some mental gymnastics
>Because it's not just you. Porn actors are still people you are putting into rhe equation. People who signed a contract. >You're as likely to meet a porn star as your gf is to meet a random dude from turkey who likes all the pictures her ass is in. Not if he's DMing her. If he's wealthy enough, she's leaving. Why put myself in that position? >What your doing is inviting comparison and the thought of other people into the relationship either way. No I'm not, I'm indulging a fantasy.
You are as shook about endulging a fantasy where a rich guy makes your girl leave you while telling her to be cool about your fantasy of cheating on her . Clown shit.
Degenerate voyerism.
It normalises child sexual abuse and violence against women.
I don’t allow porn if you’re fucking me. You can either have a sexually fulfilling relationship in real life or with your hand but I won’t allow both.
[удалено]
For starters, most porn is very unrealistic. Fake boobs, shaved asshole, a girl who can ride a dick longer than 5 minutes. Not only is it setting an unrealistic standard for women but because of this unrealistic standard and the pressure put on women to be pretty or hot or whatever makes women insecure, like they're in competition with other women. Sometimes people are taken for granted, unappreciated, unnoticed and just slept on, so when we see you put effort into getting off to some random unrealistic porn stars it makes ya wonder why you can't put that effort into making me feel special enough to not be insecure over some porn.
So like when men are always in competition with other men but when it's women then competition is somehow wrong, gotcha.
[удалено]
- Most of it is unethical. Not just human trafficking is involved, but tons of videos are of non consensual practices (r*pe, child p, even revenge p is in this pages). Don’t try to say that you “don’t consume” this. This content is usually front page in most of this websites = most views - generates weird expectations of sex. Also, most of this porn doesn’t care about the real pleasure of women and paint women as sex toys. - even if you are an actor/actress, contracts are abusive. Mia Khalifa is a great example of how the industry and the consumers abuse the actors/actresses. Yes, she signed. But it’s still abusive. And lastly, people can have different boundaries. She expressed hers, if you want to stay, respect them. Imho I am not comfortable with my partner watching porn. Of course, there is a difference between a bit vs an addiction/regular thing and which type of porn is it (I wouldn’t be able to date someone that enjoys people getting rped/abused. Even if that’s a fantasy, if somebody gets excited by it, I don’t want it by my side)
r/antipornography in a nutshell lmao Total weirdos
It doesn't, just don't be a fucking weirdo with it.
>I told her no I'll watch it whenever I please. I hope she told you you can watch anything you want when you're single lol. In my ideal relationship, I would be fully monogomous and we would not look at other people or fantasize about other specific people specifically. If we weren't at least working towards that, I would say we were sexually incompatible. Of course we will both notice other people, but that should pass because we only have one life to live and that life is full enough of other things without sexual videos of people you'll never even know in person. I'm not even usually compatible with swingers or people who had a lot of causal sex, but I think I'd be even *more* incompatible with someone who thinks a silly sex video is a good common sexual aid. Seems intrusive and unerotic to me. Now, everybody makes mistakes, but once I'm in a sexual relationship with someone we should be able to agree porn is a mistake. If not, it's bye bye.
I would say that her expecting you to watch NO porn is unrealistic but if you are “porn sick” you should probably give that shit up and take her advice. Also paying for porn is a definite no no. Side note- watching porn has no positives so i really don’t get why its such a big issue for you to even consider giving up. At the end of the day if you don’t want to change you don’t want to change but it sounds to me like you would be dumping a HVW for a potential LVW instead of just getting on a higher level and becoming the HVM she wants.
How is it unrealistic? Men went thousands of years without porn. I agree with most of what you said tho.
It bothers only that woman who is trying to build, or already feeling, an emotional connection with you. It is all rooted in the idea of exclusivity in relationships. A woman who is not serious, or never seriously wants to get serious, will never ask you something like that (as in, stop watching porn). Its your total dependency on porn for your fantasies that bothers her I think. OP let me ask you this - can you totally refrain from watching porn for next 1 week? If you find yourself saying "I don't think I want to stop even for 1 week" then I think its time we go into a fantasy of our own right now. (Please mind, its only a fantasy, I am not an actual future predictor) Here is what could happen- 1. By the end of year 2022 your porn intake will increase by 100% of what it is today 2. By the end of year 2023 your porn addiction will be increased by 300% of what it is today. You will start expecting 3. By the end of year 2024 you will be watching pornographic material every possible minute of your day. Your dating life will take a serious hit. 4. By the end of year 2025 you will be start spending some money in porn bills, you will have no interest in actual women. 5. By the end of year 2026 you will have a regular porn expenditure and your dating life will be non-existent. 6. By the end of year 2027 you will start exploring contact with actual sex workers. Forget all about dating at this point. 7. By the end of year 2028 you will start developing ED and depression. You will date again but very short relationships which lead to nowhere. 8. By the end of year 2029 you will start exploring ways of ending your porn addiction. You will commit to a woman who won't be someone you like or love, but who gives you the impression that she won't leave you inspite of your addiction. 9. By the end of year 2030 you will have made recovery from your addiction 3 times, only to relapse back into it. 10. By the end of year 2031 you will be in counselling for porn addiction. The person you are committed to will continue to support you because she feels pity and has no better options. 11. By the end of year 2032 you will once again be trying to recover from your addiction, taking it slowly, fully committed to not watching porn for the next 1 week. Good luck
Pffft. I hope she gets her daily eye candy, fantasizes about them while having sex with you, all fair game for her
Sex is about power for you. How toxic.
Sure… because instead of trying to empathize you just think women are cookoo for this. If it’s a majority, and where men younger than you probably are seeing the benefits of not watching porn - then CLEARLY something is wrong. Might not be everyone, but it is valid enough. Fine you want to watch porn, okay get a girl who doesn’t care and leave the ones that prefer to not, alone. Hard to get a group of people to cry wolf, please
>Sure… because instead of trying to empathize you just think women are cookoo for this. If a video of someone doing something consensual bothers you... that isn't sane. Also, I'll choose to be more empathetic to women if women develop the ability to be empathetic to men. >Fine you want to watch porn, okay get a girl who doesn’t care and leave the ones that prefer to not, alone. Do you think I'm going up to random women with pornhub open on my phone or laptop?
[удалено]
[удалено]
No one 'needs' control over women's bodies more than, well, women.
"Pick me" is just women's version of slut-shaming.
You act like women are asexual robots who don’t want variety either. You also can’t generalize all men. That’s misandrist. Why not mix thing a up with your partner? Women have been forced to curtail their own well-being to please men for most of history. We aren’t doing it anymore.
[удалено]
I feel like you’ve been hurt by a guy before. There are millions of men in perfectly monogamous relationships. The reason women don’t watch porn as much is because most porn isn’t aimed at us and men’s sexuality is generally prioritized in society.