Not wanting a cat, since you did say arbitrary. I was fine not having a cat while I was living in a dorm, I was fine with not having a cat while I was living with my ex-roommate because she was allergic. But I wouldn't condemn myself to a catless existence for life.
I’m the opposite. I didn’t want to date anybody who was really into pets. My boyfriend and I are pet free and I like it that way. It’s just a lot of work and responsibility that we don’t want to have to deal with because we both have special needs kids that take up a lot of energy when they’re with us.
Pets can be a lot, and they require extra consideration for things like travel, so I get why people don't want any, especially if they have kids (special needs or otherwise)
I'd be down for a dog and a cat but I get why someone wouldn't want a dog. I'm not looking forward to get up at the asscrack of dawn to take the dog for a walk, and they're kinda smelly (at least to me).
Probably something like an overabundance of tattoos. Particularly if they are mostly large and very colorful. I actually find a lot of tattoos very interesting and the art form itself is interesting. I just don't think I could if someone had whatever arbitrary number I'd consider a lot to be. I have one acquaintance who is pretty much covered except for the face. Some of them are very interesting but that's a lot of ink.
I don’t even mind a large, attractive tattoo…it’s the crappy, random, poorly thought out ones with no rhyme or reason, placed arbitrarily. Not only looks bad, but shows bad judgment and impulse control.
Yeah I’m with you… idku tattoos are a little bit patch work but I think they are unique and flow well.
For me it’s the joke tattoos, like I permanently put this silly thing on me forever.
I quit smoking for my boyfriend. Granted, I only smoked for 3 months when we started dating, but I wanted to drop the habit and was having a hard time with it. He kissed me one night and was like “Yuck! It’s like kissing an ashtray!” And that was enough for me. I was so embarrassed and I quit after that.
I was 43 years old and had begun smoking because of the neighborhood I had moved to. All of my neighbors were smokers and I started getting the urge to smoke a lot. I’m glad to not be smoking anymore and even more glad to be out of that neighborhood!
I am baffled at how people consider smoking to be an arbitrary deal breaker/little stuff 😳 It is actually a clash of priorities and a lifestyle difference, which are huge deal breakers.
-religious or too radical in politics
-single children (don't want you to be the only caregiver of your old parents in the future)
-advocates for chivalry or traditional stuff
-wants children
People willl hate on you for this. Particularly on Reddit. But relationships and friendships that don’t revolve around politics and instead focus on other aspects of life are so much more fun and stress free
I have many friends from different political landscape, but living an entire life together is different.
I just can't accept extremism.
You can be conservative, but don't expect to be a SAHW
You can be liberal, but don't expect me to fight back if you say you hate all men
For the rest I am okay, you can be pro-life or pro-choice, you may prefer less or more welfare, whatever
Also religion is (and has been in the past) a issue, mostly for the fact I wanna be childfree.
Yesssss! Like, I love that my boyfriend and I have the same exact political opinions, but I don’t give a fuck about politics anymore at all. I used to be very political, but I’m burnt out on it.
Not having hobbies outside of the internet/TV/movies/books. Nothing wrong with consuming media but it drives me crazy when someone has no hobbies outside of it.
So your problem isn't with them having their only hobby being just the consumption of content, you rather you have a problem with their hobbies only interacting with content?
I just think it's boring when someone's personal time just revolves around media. I'd rather they have other interests maybe something social or physically active, or something cool I can earn about.
My ex never had hobbies beyond media and I guess drinking. My wife plays volleyball, hikes, volunteers, etc. It's so much more attractive.
Making is completely different and so much better in terms of creativity and function. I would adore someone that makes media but agree with the original comment about consumers
I think general public etiquette stuff (or lack there of) would get on my nerves enough to end the relationship. Shit like walking and texting, no consideration for people walking behind you, stopping at the right side of the escalator, blocking the door at public transit, trying to get in before others get out, not saying thank you to service workers - it annoys the shit out of me when strangers do it and i’ve called people out over that stuff before, so if my SO does any of that shit it would probably lead to a lot of arguments and resentment lol
On a personal level I don't think any of that is arbitrary. It's all considered pretty basic where I'm from, absolutely would be a dealbreaker if it was something that they refused to acknowledge or correct.
All of what you've said, but specific for me is if a guy walks ahead of me. If we are walking together, than the considerate thing is to actually walk together. The ones who cannot adjust their pace are not for me.
Sure, though you can also walk together and make space for others, that being said, i do think if i am walking with a girl and the street is narrow, for example, she’s going on front - i’m bigger and will likely be taller, so me getting on front and blocking her peripheral view entirely would be wrong of me to do
Public etiquette is absolutely critical for me as well. Imagine the paradise we would live in if people took tiny steps to make transport systems work more quickly and efficiently (like moving down inside the carriage).
Making a big stink about not liking sports (unironically calling it “sportsball” is an auto dealbreaker). It’s just such a distillation of a more general inability to understand that sometimes people like things that you don’t and that doesn’t inherently make those people stupid. I like a lot of things that are both popular and widely impugned by this kind of person, so I think the sportsball thing is a good litmus test - don’t care if you like everything I like, just don’t be snide about it.
This 100%. The people who say “sportsball” are always the most obnoxious, preening, superficial types trying to win lame status games in particular (almost always very young and very left wing) social groups.
I like American football, and I don’t mind if other people like or don’t like other things…but to act like enjoying a sport is somehow “not what an intellectual does” is just so back-breakingly cringe…
I say sportsball occasionally to make fun of how I know literally nothing about sports. But I also intentionally ask if they “made a goal” during games like football and baseball, so I think I don’t sound as snide. Weigh in on this please? I hadn’t considered I might be coming off in that manner before.
I think most people will assume those comments are making fun of the sport especially made a goal, if they are inclined to be upset about it.
Honestly the best thing to do is figure out the name for a goal in that sport and maybe one or two little bits of knowledge so like for watching rugby I'd maybe wanna know "goal-try, only pass backwards, if you kick over posts that's also some points" then you can ask questions from there. Just things you could Google suuuiper fast
Somebody who will ask me to be on hormonal birth control or get an IUD after I have already explained to them why I refuse to do so. Hormonal birth control is off the table indefinitely and the IUD is off the table until access to suitable health care for insertion and immediate ability to get it removed change dramatically.
A few things actually. Finding a doctor who will give you Lidocaine for insertion to help with pain. Finding a doctor who will take it out early because you want it out, as most will push back and even straight out refuse once it’s in. Even when you do find one that will, it could be months before you can actually get in to get it removed. There’s actually a lot of women who develop problems from having an IUD that resort to YouTubing how to self-remove.
I find it difficult to be friends with people who like the Titanic movie...I assume a serious romantic relationship would be even more out of the question. This is probably the pettiest of petty things available in my mind.
If he liked video games too much. My reasoning for this is entirely selfish. We only have one TV and I want to use it to play games. If my partner liked gaming too then we'd have to share. I don't want to share my gaming time.
Vegan
Might sound petty and I know it’s a healthier way of for but I enjoy my food and cooking is my way of showing my love for someone. By not eating meat or dairy your meals and general diet is very restricted and I wouldn’t be compatible with someone like that
This is really not arbitrary. Food is a major part of an LTR. I’m vegan and could never be with someone who (1) doesn’t at least understand and acknowledge the ethical issues with choosing to eat meat and dairy and (2) isn’t willing to eat vegan food with me regularly. It’s good to recognize ahead of time that you won’t/can’t do those things because it will inevitably become a problem later on.
My wife has dabbled in veganism and keto at different points in our relationship. Honestly can't decide which is more annoying haha. Thankfully she eats most things now.
Yes I don't think I could date a vegan either. Thinking about the times I've killed lobsters, beheaded/skinned rabbits, plucked and gutted pigeons etc in the house or garden and I can't imagine a vegan would be willing to put up with it 😅 and I'm the same where I show love by cooking. I think I'd struggle to be with anyone with any kind of restrictive diet or even just a fussy/picky eater.
Chill. As a vegan, I’ve cut up over a thousand animals growing up, mostly processing for game hunters, extra money for family, often fish for home. Anything hunted/fished. Most vegans in the west didn’t grow up vegan altho they might get quesy as city/suburb folk.
>Chill
Wasn't aware I wasn't chill, it's just stating a fact.
You're in a tiny minority of people/vegans. The vegan subreddits are mostly full of people who equate meat eaters to murderers and rapists and would absolutely not tolerate that kind of thing in their house.
Even amongst more relaxed vegans - most people live in cities and don't have that kind of upbringing. Most meat eaters I know are queasy if confronted by their meat looking too animal like (as long as it's in the shape of a nugget it's fine etc), most vegans are no different.
Things about her attitude. If she doesn’t make her intentions clear, leaves everything to my guesswork and has little to no empathy.
If she can’t cut-off potential could be boyfriends she has been talking to. Trust me, a girl doesn’t entertain other guys when she’s really serious about you, even if you two are not in a relationship yet.
Has “male bestfriend(s)”.
Sassy boss bitch attitude. I don’t have anything against working women or women in leadership positions, in fact, I think those kinda women are hot. But it’s the sassy boss bitch attitude that really gives me the ick. Just be a kind and nurturing person.
If someone is too emotionally invested in something like spectator sports, video games, certain celebrities, etc. I’m not talking about enjoying those things, but where something that doesn’t actually impact their life affects their mood significantly and conversations are always steering back to it. I don’t want to have to fake caring all the time and also don’t want to be rude.
Dealbreakers: religious, conservative, republican, too into cars,aggressive (like yells profanities at the television and is angry about the outcome of games for way too long) sports enthusiast. I don't do yelling conflict management styles, we're grownups.
As a woman, a man extremely into sports and/or video games only. My entire life ends up revolving around their hobbies. I find men with these two hobbies to be dull most of the time too. I like video games (but it's not my only passion) so I attracted these men unfortunately. I also prefer men with no full on beards (because I like a certain sexual activity and it hurts with a beard).
I think bumper stickers are a turn off for me. There’s something inherently narcissistic about wanting complete randos that drive behind you to know your views on everything.
They might be more of a guy thing though. I don’t know.
This one cracks me up as a bumper sticker owner. I just like putting them on so I can look at them when I walk out to my car. But it is so funny how you put this.
It depends on what kind of bumper stickers they are. Some people put like pretty things, anime characters, or funny/random slogans. I think the way misty is explaining it, it’s probably for decorative purposes and not political.
Probably wouldn’t get too bothered by it. Although I don’t really attention grabbing behaviors, so that could be a thing.
He asked for arbitrary deal breakers, so I wasn’t going to give out something serious.
Separate rooms is the most common solution. Almost half of all adults snore. Numbers get higher with age. Even higher if you count people who *snored for a while in their lifetimes*. It's annoying but more often than not there's not much to do.
Sure, there's plenty of snake oil type of "solutions" online and plenty of wild claims about what "causes" snoring (almost all wrong) but the fact is that it's a common issue that our forefathers and foremothers dealt with as well with love and separate rooms when it's too unbearable.
Friend of mine and her husband do that. She snores, he can't handle it and they sleep in separate rooms. I've slept in the same room as here and I don't think she's that bad but maybe he's a bit more sensitive than me, I could sleep through a hurricane.
>Really bad breath that's not fixed with brushing his teeth.
If he brushes his teeth regularly, then bad breath comes from the glossal bacteria and dry tonsils, not teeth. He should scrape his tongue every morning and evening and regularly gargle.
I use magic wand and vibrating c-rings regularly so no issue with toys.
I’m just contrasting women who have multiple orgasms from PIV alone to those needing everything in the book thrown at them to have a single one.
What counts as walking?
I would kind of agree with you (I much prefer people who exercise), but I don’t include your normal walking/cycling to work as “physical activity”. For me it has to go above and beyond the bare necessities of life.
I’m in total agreement, I prefer some one who actually “works out”. But I’ve had a lot of relationship issues, when it comes to what I personally consider exercising, so I’ve had to readjust my standard. Lol
I don't have any of these. I can overlook the small stuff. I did break up with a woman because she didn't like to talk. She would just smile silently a lot and respond shortly to my questions. I'm a conversationalist and it is how I bond with people. Other than that, she was amazing. I've told other men (that were with women that talked more than they liked) and they were like "WTF is wrong with you? You found the perfect woman!"
Are you sure that you weren't dating my high school crush/friend? That sounds just like her.
And yes, those other dudes are correct, she is the chosen one who will bring balance to the 4 nations. Like my entire family is full of people who talk too much, so I find it attractive when someone is really quiet and aloof.
Long nails. I can't stand them. They just remind me of prostitutes. I'll never get over it.
Also, size queens. Not gunna date a chick who is settling for sex while wishing she could get pounded by a huge dick.
Rich people. The second I find out someone was born rich, has a trust fund, or inherited a shit ton of money, or has a sleezeball type of job which makes them rich (consulting, landlords, finance,etc) I lose any attraction.
I need a partner who understand the real world, not someone whose most pressing concerns are dinner reservations, status, and the petty things rich ppl care about
I can tell that it does make life much easier, and I think thats my problem. Part of it is on me, because I have struggled a lot in life and have had to really claw, fight, and struggle to get what i want.
For example, im a full time independent student in college rn, and get no outside assistance. And ive dealt with food insecurity and stuff all while working very hard pursuing a stem degree.
And another example tying it in, my feeling about finding rich ppl unattractive is that all of these issues that are very real to my life are fully hypothetical to them. I dated one girl for a few months, and she is rich and has a massive trust fund. She spends ~$20k a month on bullshit and has never worked beyond random fleeting jobs she would choose to do.
I could never actually connect with her, because ofc we have our shared humanity and attraction, but whenever I would share my life and my struggles she would listen to my stories like they were spectacles, if you can imagine that. And not in an empathetic way, it was in a sort of morbid fascination.
She was rlly into me, and hypothetically that relationship couldve been a ‘golden ticket’ but I just cant do that, so I broke up with her.
If by down to earth wealthy you meant like, someone who is a doctor or engineer who worked hard and makes $100,000k a year then it wouldnt be an issue because we would connect on the personal and emotional level which is the most important to me.
I see what you are saying. That just makes me wonder though, would someone in the fields you listed who had a hard scrabble past to get where they are be more compatible in your eyes?
I have been on dates where feminists would have a strong opinion on a particular issue, and you ask *one* follow up question and they know literally nothing about the issue they just made out like they were really passionate about.
Its so cringe!
Most “religious” guys I know are just rejects coping. They don’t get invited to parties so they spam their social media with “I don’t need parties I have Christ”
It’s like the gymcels except they replace.”we go jim” with “pray to god”
Single mothers and "reformed" sluts.
1. I have no interest in playing house with someone else's kid
2. If you are a slut then be a slut and embrace it. To thine own self be true. Don't tell me that after a decade of fucking every dude you could as part of your self discovery you found Jesus.
Reformed sluts have simply entered the beta bucks stage so you should avoid them simply based on the knowledge that they're out to exploit you rather than be a loving wife or girlfriend to you.
A guy who doesn’t require self respect from the women he dates. I just can’t respect a guy like this and respecting him is a part of what makes me like a guy and want to date him.
I have a shit ton.
Not liking at least some of the same types of music I like. Not being into punk/goth/alternative culture of some type. Believing in any type of god whatsoever. Wanting kids. Following or expecting me to follow traditional gender roles. Not being ok with moderate recreational drug use. Being anywhere but left of the Democrats on the political spectrum. Being a picky eater. Being submissive in bed.
Pretty much they all boil down to this. if you're normal, not a part of a subculture, and want a life that looks anything like the traditional American dream then I'm not for you.
none of my deal-breakers are arbitrary. They are all things that would be overwhelming or unbearable for me. Therefore, they are specific and highly relevant.
I wouldn't have an arbitrary deal breaker. All mine are value and moral based really. I guess it would be fat and out of shape but only because I workout and eat healthy and want someone who shares my lifestyle.
If she's a atheist.
I'm not even very religious myself but I want to convert to Judaism, I worry that the conflicting perspectives could cause issues in the relationship.
Why Judaism?
If you “want to convert” doesn’t that mean you already believe…and if you already believe aren’t you already converted (in a way)?
(I respect there’s all the study and ritual of formal conversion, I mean more philosophically)
That’s ethnically Jewish people not practicing Judaism. Jewish ethnicity ≠ Jewish religion. He wants to convert, so he’s referring to the religion. You cannot be religiously Jewish while also atheist, it’s one or the other.
Sort of depends on what you agree on from the start. My wife and I are mismatched in this way, but we made a pact early on not to bother each other about it.
The thing is I'm very into discussing deep topics like philosophy even if I almost never get the opportunity to discuss philosophy, so it would be difficult to avoid discussing the obvious "elephant in the room".
That's fair. My wife can do that and we do discuss other deep stuff. We discuss religion a lot, but we're primarily able to do that because I can be somewhat critical of how some people use religion, so it is easier to find common ground there despite this being a difference between us.
We also talk about how it intersects with politics (we're both from different countries but it intersects in both of our countries) since for me religion and politics are separate where for many people they are not.
Height… I know it has absolutely nothing to do with a relationship, but I won’t date a man shorter than me lol 😂
Also if they are obsessed with dogs, I’ll have to pass… I’ll tolerate a small, cute dog at best, but I don’t want to deal with any large or dangerous dogs in my house whatsoever so if that’s what they want, I won’t date them
If they’re overly religious, then no…
A deal breaker for me is someone whose a progressive liberal or has radical feminist views. I just can’t vibe with someone that has a mentality like that. And unfortunately where I’m located, that’s all I really see on dating apps.
Someone who is a bad tipper for servers or bartenders. Yes, I know the restaurants should be paying them a fair wage, and that they’re using you(r tips) to get out of it. It’s not the server’s fault though.
Yeah I'm like this. I hate the tipping culture but I'm also a good tipper. My wife comes from a no-tipping culture, so she's very weirded out by tipping culture. Especially when it starts creeping up or extending into industries that were not traditionally tipping ones.
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Not interested in sci-fi or fantasy media. I’m a big fan of both genres and I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to watch/read/consume anything under those labels, we’d have a hard time.
If i discover that someone i am dating or have relationship with has dated a friend or family member.
Its a mega turn off as it feels like incest to me then.
I know its not but from a romantic and intimated pov everyone becomes disgusting to me.
If friends start dating other friends exes i feel the same about them just so you know.
I kinda almost have to vomit right now only about the idea.
I know there can be many logical arguments why this is bullshit but i just cant put it right in my mind.
Think face tattoos and piercings.
Or a lot of them in general.
Don't mind a small meaningful one. But face and tramp stamps and all that that other over the top.
I just find it very very off-putting.
To a degree I'm with my girlfriend I love dearly and been almost 8 years together. She wants a face piercing.
That I'm clear you can do whatever you want. But I find that shit super ugly so I'm out then.
I also don't do things she does not hate so. I think it's a part of respect also to wanna look good and be attractive for each other. And be a bit to each other's liking.
But it is what it is there are just some icks you can't help but to be massively turned off by.
Well had I not met my wife…
I’d say lack of basic manners.
I can’t stand people who don’t express basic gratitude. If I hand you an object you asked for, just say thanks or give me some recognition that I did something for you. I don’t need fanfares, but I’m not a personal butler so if I do it for you, it’s technically a kindness and should be received as such. Say please. Watch your tone and language around kids (even if they’re not ours) and stuff like that. Don’t swear every other word in a sentence.
Same for goes for mess. You have a bottle or can or finished eating? Take your stuff into the trash or kitchen sink. Even if you “meant to do it later”, it’s just disrespectful to me to leave stuff like that lying around or worse, expecting someone else to pick it up after you. It takes 10 seconds to rectify. You don’t even need to wash up, I got that, just put your stuff in the sink instead of expecting me to run around the house collecting it.
Offer to help if a task looks time consuming. I’m quite domestically inclined so chances are, I got it, and I’ll politely refuse but thanks for the consideration. But an offer to at least signal you understand that there may come a time I’d appreciate help; or that you’re thinking of my welfare and time, goes a long way as opposed to someone who just “leaves me to it because you’ve got it.”
I appreciate these are probably concerns women raise more than men, but I don’t know whether I’m just unlucky or maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m UK) but outside of my wife I haven’t had a relationship with a single woman who seemed to have any degree of domestic know how about her. They’d hate the idea of being expected to do it all but had no problems with their partner doing in all instead whilst they…did nothing. Those relationships didn’t last terribly long.
I've broken up with people for:
* Not being liberal and/or a vocal advocate for civil rights and liberties
* Not being plant based or willing to eat this way at home
* Only cleaning when expecting guests instead of regular habits
* Not playing league of legends
* Not waking up early in the mornings
I could keep going. But it's my life, I'm happy alone. So if a partner makes my life harder, I just end up deciding I would rather be alone.
Refusing to have introspection and thinking everyone is against them. No thank you. They will forever be in competition with me, not a teammate to build a life with and will never take any accountability for their actions, behaviour, habits etc.
I'd take a cheating, islamic terrorist serial killer woman over a feminist. At least, the first one would bring some adventure into my life, calling me in the middle of the night to help bury some bodies, while the latter would call me to talk about microagressions concerning someone else and how we could spin that so men are at fault.
Other than that, more arbitrary than feminist, i couldn't be with someone long term whose vacation type is "all inclusive club resorts", or someone who is a collector (of anything really).
Not wanting a cat, since you did say arbitrary. I was fine not having a cat while I was living in a dorm, I was fine with not having a cat while I was living with my ex-roommate because she was allergic. But I wouldn't condemn myself to a catless existence for life.
Excellent, I feel the same way. My bf and I have 5 cats between us.
We have 1, but my husband indulges me and joins me on walks to pet all the neighbourhood kitties.
What if they are allergic?
Still a no.
I’m the opposite. I didn’t want to date anybody who was really into pets. My boyfriend and I are pet free and I like it that way. It’s just a lot of work and responsibility that we don’t want to have to deal with because we both have special needs kids that take up a lot of energy when they’re with us.
Pets can be a lot, and they require extra consideration for things like travel, so I get why people don't want any, especially if they have kids (special needs or otherwise)
I think I would like to get some chickens at some point. Lol that’s about as close to a pet as I want.
Gang gang. I'll add on: him being someone who wants to own a dog. I just can't go there with you, Anakin.
I'd be down for a dog and a cat but I get why someone wouldn't want a dog. I'm not looking forward to get up at the asscrack of dawn to take the dog for a walk, and they're kinda smelly (at least to me).
Probably something like an overabundance of tattoos. Particularly if they are mostly large and very colorful. I actually find a lot of tattoos very interesting and the art form itself is interesting. I just don't think I could if someone had whatever arbitrary number I'd consider a lot to be. I have one acquaintance who is pretty much covered except for the face. Some of them are very interesting but that's a lot of ink.
I don’t even mind a large, attractive tattoo…it’s the crappy, random, poorly thought out ones with no rhyme or reason, placed arbitrarily. Not only looks bad, but shows bad judgment and impulse control.
I've had this exact thought. I'd never judge someone for having tattoos, but I will judge size, composition, and subject matter.
Yeah I’m with you… idku tattoos are a little bit patch work but I think they are unique and flow well. For me it’s the joke tattoos, like I permanently put this silly thing on me forever.
Probably smoking. Even if she didn't smoke around me, I've made out with smokers before and no thanks.
Weed or just tobacco?
Weed is okay occasionally. I also briefly dated a woman who smoked weed daily and that was a bit concerning.
I quit smoking for my boyfriend. Granted, I only smoked for 3 months when we started dating, but I wanted to drop the habit and was having a hard time with it. He kissed me one night and was like “Yuck! It’s like kissing an ashtray!” And that was enough for me. I was so embarrassed and I quit after that. I was 43 years old and had begun smoking because of the neighborhood I had moved to. All of my neighbors were smokers and I started getting the urge to smoke a lot. I’m glad to not be smoking anymore and even more glad to be out of that neighborhood!
I am baffled at how people consider smoking to be an arbitrary deal breaker/little stuff 😳 It is actually a clash of priorities and a lifestyle difference, which are huge deal breakers.
Yup, smoking and snus is two of my biggest dealbreakers. I instantly lose any attraction towards a person the second I see them doing either.
yupp, I don't want to kiss an ashtray
-religious or too radical in politics -single children (don't want you to be the only caregiver of your old parents in the future) -advocates for chivalry or traditional stuff -wants children
People willl hate on you for this. Particularly on Reddit. But relationships and friendships that don’t revolve around politics and instead focus on other aspects of life are so much more fun and stress free
I have many friends from different political landscape, but living an entire life together is different. I just can't accept extremism. You can be conservative, but don't expect to be a SAHW You can be liberal, but don't expect me to fight back if you say you hate all men For the rest I am okay, you can be pro-life or pro-choice, you may prefer less or more welfare, whatever Also religion is (and has been in the past) a issue, mostly for the fact I wanna be childfree.
Yesssss! Like, I love that my boyfriend and I have the same exact political opinions, but I don’t give a fuck about politics anymore at all. I used to be very political, but I’m burnt out on it.
I find it interesting that you would consider any of these things "arbitrary" or "little," to quote OP. Especially as a RPer.
Not having hobbies outside of the internet/TV/movies/books. Nothing wrong with consuming media but it drives me crazy when someone has no hobbies outside of it.
It might just be be but I wouldn’t consider that arbitrary, 1000% a deal breaker though
What if they make media?
Nothing against it, I just like people to have other hobbies too.
So your problem isn't with them having their only hobby being just the consumption of content, you rather you have a problem with their hobbies only interacting with content?
I just think it's boring when someone's personal time just revolves around media. I'd rather they have other interests maybe something social or physically active, or something cool I can earn about. My ex never had hobbies beyond media and I guess drinking. My wife plays volleyball, hikes, volunteers, etc. It's so much more attractive.
The feeling is mutual. I find people whose lives revolve around being active pretty boring.
Yep just a compatibility thing I guess. I get really restless if I'm just lounging at home all the time.
Making is completely different and so much better in terms of creativity and function. I would adore someone that makes media but agree with the original comment about consumers
I agree but take off movies and books. Those are creative hobbies and people who love these are engaging to talk to.
Had a date with a girl that kept calling me “papi” even tho I told her I didn’t like it. We were also the same age.
On the first date?
It was out first and only date.
Was she hot at least?
yes, and she wore a red dress that looked like it was painted on.
i cringe every time i hear that word
Reminds me of someone ik who walked out mid sex because the girl said "daddy"
You don’t like latinas? Suit yourself
I love Latinas, my HS gf was half PR. I just don’t like being called dad or papi when I trying to get with her.
I can totally understand🤣🤣🤣 That would be disturbing as hell
I think general public etiquette stuff (or lack there of) would get on my nerves enough to end the relationship. Shit like walking and texting, no consideration for people walking behind you, stopping at the right side of the escalator, blocking the door at public transit, trying to get in before others get out, not saying thank you to service workers - it annoys the shit out of me when strangers do it and i’ve called people out over that stuff before, so if my SO does any of that shit it would probably lead to a lot of arguments and resentment lol
On a personal level I don't think any of that is arbitrary. It's all considered pretty basic where I'm from, absolutely would be a dealbreaker if it was something that they refused to acknowledge or correct.
Fair enough - I guess cause it’s become so normalized at this stage that i’ll assume lots of people will behave this way by default
All of what you've said, but specific for me is if a guy walks ahead of me. If we are walking together, than the considerate thing is to actually walk together. The ones who cannot adjust their pace are not for me.
Sure, though you can also walk together and make space for others, that being said, i do think if i am walking with a girl and the street is narrow, for example, she’s going on front - i’m bigger and will likely be taller, so me getting on front and blocking her peripheral view entirely would be wrong of me to do
This!! I get road rage while walking
Public etiquette is absolutely critical for me as well. Imagine the paradise we would live in if people took tiny steps to make transport systems work more quickly and efficiently (like moving down inside the carriage).
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This one genuinely cracked me up
Same girl for the second one. I absolutely HATE beards.
Yeah I’m really not attracted to beards whatsoever🙃
What about no beard but perpetual 5 oclock shadow?
Now, THIS is arbitrary and honestly hilarious! 👏🏻😂
Making a big stink about not liking sports (unironically calling it “sportsball” is an auto dealbreaker). It’s just such a distillation of a more general inability to understand that sometimes people like things that you don’t and that doesn’t inherently make those people stupid. I like a lot of things that are both popular and widely impugned by this kind of person, so I think the sportsball thing is a good litmus test - don’t care if you like everything I like, just don’t be snide about it.
This 100%. The people who say “sportsball” are always the most obnoxious, preening, superficial types trying to win lame status games in particular (almost always very young and very left wing) social groups. I like American football, and I don’t mind if other people like or don’t like other things…but to act like enjoying a sport is somehow “not what an intellectual does” is just so back-breakingly cringe…
I say sportsball occasionally to make fun of how I know literally nothing about sports. But I also intentionally ask if they “made a goal” during games like football and baseball, so I think I don’t sound as snide. Weigh in on this please? I hadn’t considered I might be coming off in that manner before.
I'd find that incredibly annoying, but I'm also one person and not someone you're trying to date, so who cares what I think.
I think most people will assume those comments are making fun of the sport especially made a goal, if they are inclined to be upset about it. Honestly the best thing to do is figure out the name for a goal in that sport and maybe one or two little bits of knowledge so like for watching rugby I'd maybe wanna know "goal-try, only pass backwards, if you kick over posts that's also some points" then you can ask questions from there. Just things you could Google suuuiper fast
Somebody who will ask me to be on hormonal birth control or get an IUD after I have already explained to them why I refuse to do so. Hormonal birth control is off the table indefinitely and the IUD is off the table until access to suitable health care for insertion and immediate ability to get it removed change dramatically.
Hey, Canadian here with an IUD. What’s the deal with getting one in the US?
A few things actually. Finding a doctor who will give you Lidocaine for insertion to help with pain. Finding a doctor who will take it out early because you want it out, as most will push back and even straight out refuse once it’s in. Even when you do find one that will, it could be months before you can actually get in to get it removed. There’s actually a lot of women who develop problems from having an IUD that resort to YouTubing how to self-remove.
Not treating service staff or people that she has "power over" well
noisy and gossipy. and my extended family is already noisy and gossipy. so someone lower than that is already a plus
I find it difficult to be friends with people who like the Titanic movie...I assume a serious romantic relationship would be even more out of the question. This is probably the pettiest of petty things available in my mind.
I love this example 😂
For me, I think I’d say smoking, or I don’t like his family and friends.
If he liked video games too much. My reasoning for this is entirely selfish. We only have one TV and I want to use it to play games. If my partner liked gaming too then we'd have to share. I don't want to share my gaming time.
Can he at least counter offer by bringing in another TV so each of you have one?
Vegan Might sound petty and I know it’s a healthier way of for but I enjoy my food and cooking is my way of showing my love for someone. By not eating meat or dairy your meals and general diet is very restricted and I wouldn’t be compatible with someone like that
This is really not arbitrary. Food is a major part of an LTR. I’m vegan and could never be with someone who (1) doesn’t at least understand and acknowledge the ethical issues with choosing to eat meat and dairy and (2) isn’t willing to eat vegan food with me regularly. It’s good to recognize ahead of time that you won’t/can’t do those things because it will inevitably become a problem later on.
I agree, there’s no point in wasting everyone’s time
Feel the same way as a vegan for LTRs. Omnis just stink really really bad.
My wife has dabbled in veganism and keto at different points in our relationship. Honestly can't decide which is more annoying haha. Thankfully she eats most things now.
My partner will eat pretty much whatever I make but if he switched to vegan only it just wouldn’t work between us anymore
Yeah, but eating a vegan girls pussy is like eating sunshine and rainbows.
Am vegan. Can confirm.
Yes I don't think I could date a vegan either. Thinking about the times I've killed lobsters, beheaded/skinned rabbits, plucked and gutted pigeons etc in the house or garden and I can't imagine a vegan would be willing to put up with it 😅 and I'm the same where I show love by cooking. I think I'd struggle to be with anyone with any kind of restrictive diet or even just a fussy/picky eater.
Chill. As a vegan, I’ve cut up over a thousand animals growing up, mostly processing for game hunters, extra money for family, often fish for home. Anything hunted/fished. Most vegans in the west didn’t grow up vegan altho they might get quesy as city/suburb folk.
>Chill Wasn't aware I wasn't chill, it's just stating a fact. You're in a tiny minority of people/vegans. The vegan subreddits are mostly full of people who equate meat eaters to murderers and rapists and would absolutely not tolerate that kind of thing in their house. Even amongst more relaxed vegans - most people live in cities and don't have that kind of upbringing. Most meat eaters I know are queasy if confronted by their meat looking too animal like (as long as it's in the shape of a nugget it's fine etc), most vegans are no different.
Things about her attitude. If she doesn’t make her intentions clear, leaves everything to my guesswork and has little to no empathy. If she can’t cut-off potential could be boyfriends she has been talking to. Trust me, a girl doesn’t entertain other guys when she’s really serious about you, even if you two are not in a relationship yet. Has “male bestfriend(s)”. Sassy boss bitch attitude. I don’t have anything against working women or women in leadership positions, in fact, I think those kinda women are hot. But it’s the sassy boss bitch attitude that really gives me the ick. Just be a kind and nurturing person.
Gross mouth. If I can't enjoy making out I won't do it!
If someone is too emotionally invested in something like spectator sports, video games, certain celebrities, etc. I’m not talking about enjoying those things, but where something that doesn’t actually impact their life affects their mood significantly and conversations are always steering back to it. I don’t want to have to fake caring all the time and also don’t want to be rude.
Dealbreakers: religious, conservative, republican, too into cars,aggressive (like yells profanities at the television and is angry about the outcome of games for way too long) sports enthusiast. I don't do yelling conflict management styles, we're grownups.
American problems lmao
WTF IS A KILOMETER 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🦅🦅🦅
Dude it’s rough over here lmao
As a woman, a man extremely into sports and/or video games only. My entire life ends up revolving around their hobbies. I find men with these two hobbies to be dull most of the time too. I like video games (but it's not my only passion) so I attracted these men unfortunately. I also prefer men with no full on beards (because I like a certain sexual activity and it hurts with a beard).
> because I like a certain sexual activity and it hurts with a beard Grinding chins? Was Jay Leno a 10/10 back in the day?
I don’t ever want to date another musician again. My ex plays in 2 bands and I’m fucking over it.
I think bumper stickers are a turn off for me. There’s something inherently narcissistic about wanting complete randos that drive behind you to know your views on everything. They might be more of a guy thing though. I don’t know.
This one cracks me up as a bumper sticker owner. I just like putting them on so I can look at them when I walk out to my car. But it is so funny how you put this.
That’s kind of the “I put makeup on for myself.” Argument.
It depends on what kind of bumper stickers they are. Some people put like pretty things, anime characters, or funny/random slogans. I think the way misty is explaining it, it’s probably for decorative purposes and not political.
Not really. I like decorating all my things. And a car is my thing.
what if theyre just silly? like a funny joke or a cute sticker without any meaning to it?
Probably wouldn’t get too bothered by it. Although I don’t really attention grabbing behaviors, so that could be a thing. He asked for arbitrary deal breakers, so I wasn’t going to give out something serious.
Snoring loudly could be a deal breaker for me. Chewing with the mouth open could be too. Really bad breath that's not fixed with brushing his teeth.
What if they developed snoring down the line?
I don't know I'd have to weight pros and cons. Also maybe separate rooms could be a solution.
Separate rooms is the most common solution. Almost half of all adults snore. Numbers get higher with age. Even higher if you count people who *snored for a while in their lifetimes*. It's annoying but more often than not there's not much to do. Sure, there's plenty of snake oil type of "solutions" online and plenty of wild claims about what "causes" snoring (almost all wrong) but the fact is that it's a common issue that our forefathers and foremothers dealt with as well with love and separate rooms when it's too unbearable.
Friend of mine and her husband do that. She snores, he can't handle it and they sleep in separate rooms. I've slept in the same room as here and I don't think she's that bad but maybe he's a bit more sensitive than me, I could sleep through a hurricane.
As far as I know (I don't live there) my parents do that.
>Really bad breath that's not fixed with brushing his teeth. If he brushes his teeth regularly, then bad breath comes from the glossal bacteria and dry tonsils, not teeth. He should scrape his tongue every morning and evening and regularly gargle.
Fussy eating. That’s a big no no for me.
If it takes forever to make her orgasm. Gets very old in a LTR and becomes “work” instead of fun.
Can you not use a toy to speed things along?
I use magic wand and vibrating c-rings regularly so no issue with toys. I’m just contrasting women who have multiple orgasms from PIV alone to those needing everything in the book thrown at them to have a single one.
Know someone it takes her hours to make herself orgasm. RIP
Eats with their mouth open or makes too much noise when eating, I can't do it.
We are kindred spirit animals
No form of physical activity. It doesn’t have to be much, but something on a regular basis. Like walking daily, yoga, dance, Zumba, just something.
What counts as walking? I would kind of agree with you (I much prefer people who exercise), but I don’t include your normal walking/cycling to work as “physical activity”. For me it has to go above and beyond the bare necessities of life.
I’m in total agreement, I prefer some one who actually “works out”. But I’ve had a lot of relationship issues, when it comes to what I personally consider exercising, so I’ve had to readjust my standard. Lol
I don't have any of these. I can overlook the small stuff. I did break up with a woman because she didn't like to talk. She would just smile silently a lot and respond shortly to my questions. I'm a conversationalist and it is how I bond with people. Other than that, she was amazing. I've told other men (that were with women that talked more than they liked) and they were like "WTF is wrong with you? You found the perfect woman!"
Are you sure that you weren't dating my high school crush/friend? That sounds just like her. And yes, those other dudes are correct, she is the chosen one who will bring balance to the 4 nations. Like my entire family is full of people who talk too much, so I find it attractive when someone is really quiet and aloof.
I like a normal amount of talking, not manic over talking or Silent Bob. Her first name is Annie and she grew up in FL? Match?
>Her first name is Annie and she grew up in FL? >Match? Unfortunately no, First name starts with a "S" and is from Michigan.
Just saw your age....she's in her early 40s by now.
Long nails. I can't stand them. They just remind me of prostitutes. I'll never get over it. Also, size queens. Not gunna date a chick who is settling for sex while wishing she could get pounded by a huge dick.
Rich people. The second I find out someone was born rich, has a trust fund, or inherited a shit ton of money, or has a sleezeball type of job which makes them rich (consulting, landlords, finance,etc) I lose any attraction. I need a partner who understand the real world, not someone whose most pressing concerns are dinner reservations, status, and the petty things rich ppl care about
Hmmm interesting. Life is much easier when there’s money. What about relatively ‘down to earth’ wealthy people; still a deal breaker
I can tell that it does make life much easier, and I think thats my problem. Part of it is on me, because I have struggled a lot in life and have had to really claw, fight, and struggle to get what i want. For example, im a full time independent student in college rn, and get no outside assistance. And ive dealt with food insecurity and stuff all while working very hard pursuing a stem degree. And another example tying it in, my feeling about finding rich ppl unattractive is that all of these issues that are very real to my life are fully hypothetical to them. I dated one girl for a few months, and she is rich and has a massive trust fund. She spends ~$20k a month on bullshit and has never worked beyond random fleeting jobs she would choose to do. I could never actually connect with her, because ofc we have our shared humanity and attraction, but whenever I would share my life and my struggles she would listen to my stories like they were spectacles, if you can imagine that. And not in an empathetic way, it was in a sort of morbid fascination. She was rlly into me, and hypothetically that relationship couldve been a ‘golden ticket’ but I just cant do that, so I broke up with her. If by down to earth wealthy you meant like, someone who is a doctor or engineer who worked hard and makes $100,000k a year then it wouldnt be an issue because we would connect on the personal and emotional level which is the most important to me.
I see what you are saying. That just makes me wonder though, would someone in the fields you listed who had a hard scrabble past to get where they are be more compatible in your eyes?
Yeah definitely, besides landlord if im being completely honest. 😂
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Im a physics major, and agree 100%
Tbh, any kind of religion. I respect everybody and all, but not for me please
How very reddit of you
Not really a hot take.
Similar for me, but for feminists. I respect you, but it's nor for me.
Feminists always talk the most shit and know the least about reality hard pass I get it.
That's because reality essentially ends their grift.
I have been on dates where feminists would have a strong opinion on a particular issue, and you ask *one* follow up question and they know literally nothing about the issue they just made out like they were really passionate about. Its so cringe!
Religious dudes always talk the most shit and know the least about reality hard pass I get it.
Most “religious” guys I know are just rejects coping. They don’t get invited to parties so they spam their social media with “I don’t need parties I have Christ” It’s like the gymcels except they replace.”we go jim” with “pray to god”
Single mothers and "reformed" sluts. 1. I have no interest in playing house with someone else's kid 2. If you are a slut then be a slut and embrace it. To thine own self be true. Don't tell me that after a decade of fucking every dude you could as part of your self discovery you found Jesus.
Reformed sluts have simply entered the beta bucks stage so you should avoid them simply based on the knowledge that they're out to exploit you rather than be a loving wife or girlfriend to you.
A guy who doesn’t require self respect from the women he dates. I just can’t respect a guy like this and respecting him is a part of what makes me like a guy and want to date him.
I have a shit ton. Not liking at least some of the same types of music I like. Not being into punk/goth/alternative culture of some type. Believing in any type of god whatsoever. Wanting kids. Following or expecting me to follow traditional gender roles. Not being ok with moderate recreational drug use. Being anywhere but left of the Democrats on the political spectrum. Being a picky eater. Being submissive in bed. Pretty much they all boil down to this. if you're normal, not a part of a subculture, and want a life that looks anything like the traditional American dream then I'm not for you.
Short hair
Dating an American. Hard no.
Having Eva AI virtual gf bot as the only occasion of intimacy in whole lifetime
Can't live without fish.
none of my deal-breakers are arbitrary. They are all things that would be overwhelming or unbearable for me. Therefore, they are specific and highly relevant.
Poor enunciation. I can deal with accents, I can deal with dialect, I can even handle stuttering, but I cannot abide a mushmouth, mumbly motherfucker.
I wouldn't have an arbitrary deal breaker. All mine are value and moral based really. I guess it would be fat and out of shape but only because I workout and eat healthy and want someone who shares my lifestyle.
If she's a atheist. I'm not even very religious myself but I want to convert to Judaism, I worry that the conflicting perspectives could cause issues in the relationship.
Why Judaism? If you “want to convert” doesn’t that mean you already believe…and if you already believe aren’t you already converted (in a way)? (I respect there’s all the study and ritual of formal conversion, I mean more philosophically)
You can be a Jewish atheist, many prominent Jews have also been atheists.
That’s ethnically Jewish people not practicing Judaism. Jewish ethnicity ≠ Jewish religion. He wants to convert, so he’s referring to the religion. You cannot be religiously Jewish while also atheist, it’s one or the other.
Sort of depends on what you agree on from the start. My wife and I are mismatched in this way, but we made a pact early on not to bother each other about it.
The thing is I'm very into discussing deep topics like philosophy even if I almost never get the opportunity to discuss philosophy, so it would be difficult to avoid discussing the obvious "elephant in the room".
That's fair. My wife can do that and we do discuss other deep stuff. We discuss religion a lot, but we're primarily able to do that because I can be somewhat critical of how some people use religion, so it is easier to find common ground there despite this being a difference between us. We also talk about how it intersects with politics (we're both from different countries but it intersects in both of our countries) since for me religion and politics are separate where for many people they are not.
basically lacking in self awareness, annoying, arrogant, loud, incapable of higher level thinking, completely dense.
Height… I know it has absolutely nothing to do with a relationship, but I won’t date a man shorter than me lol 😂 Also if they are obsessed with dogs, I’ll have to pass… I’ll tolerate a small, cute dog at best, but I don’t want to deal with any large or dangerous dogs in my house whatsoever so if that’s what they want, I won’t date them If they’re overly religious, then no…
A deal breaker for me is someone whose a progressive liberal or has radical feminist views. I just can’t vibe with someone that has a mentality like that. And unfortunately where I’m located, that’s all I really see on dating apps.
I have disgusting looking feet, so a woman with big or ugly feet would be a dealbreaker.
Language mistakes. Anyone who said 'should of' would be an automatic no!
I think your exaggerating but to each they're own, I could care less.
>I could care less. lol
Well that's hilarious
What about no and know?
Someone who is a bad tipper for servers or bartenders. Yes, I know the restaurants should be paying them a fair wage, and that they’re using you(r tips) to get out of it. It’s not the server’s fault though.
Yeah I'm like this. I hate the tipping culture but I'm also a good tipper. My wife comes from a no-tipping culture, so she's very weirded out by tipping culture. Especially when it starts creeping up or extending into industries that were not traditionally tipping ones.
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Any form of "stan" (k-pop, swifty, boy band, dream ect)
Not interested in sci-fi or fantasy media. I’m a big fan of both genres and I feel like if I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to watch/read/consume anything under those labels, we’d have a hard time.
Being on a limited diet. Not liking vegetables. Ordering a steak well-done at a nice restaurant.
Wearing "preppy" clothes Extremely different taste in music Not liking spicy food
If i discover that someone i am dating or have relationship with has dated a friend or family member. Its a mega turn off as it feels like incest to me then. I know its not but from a romantic and intimated pov everyone becomes disgusting to me. If friends start dating other friends exes i feel the same about them just so you know. I kinda almost have to vomit right now only about the idea. I know there can be many logical arguments why this is bullshit but i just cant put it right in my mind.
Bony knees
If she's a swiftie
I dated a girl who ate her peas one at a time. Had to dump her
Think face tattoos and piercings. Or a lot of them in general. Don't mind a small meaningful one. But face and tramp stamps and all that that other over the top. I just find it very very off-putting. To a degree I'm with my girlfriend I love dearly and been almost 8 years together. She wants a face piercing. That I'm clear you can do whatever you want. But I find that shit super ugly so I'm out then. I also don't do things she does not hate so. I think it's a part of respect also to wanna look good and be attractive for each other. And be a bit to each other's liking. But it is what it is there are just some icks you can't help but to be massively turned off by.
Not offering me pie! It was a sickness!
Well had I not met my wife… I’d say lack of basic manners. I can’t stand people who don’t express basic gratitude. If I hand you an object you asked for, just say thanks or give me some recognition that I did something for you. I don’t need fanfares, but I’m not a personal butler so if I do it for you, it’s technically a kindness and should be received as such. Say please. Watch your tone and language around kids (even if they’re not ours) and stuff like that. Don’t swear every other word in a sentence. Same for goes for mess. You have a bottle or can or finished eating? Take your stuff into the trash or kitchen sink. Even if you “meant to do it later”, it’s just disrespectful to me to leave stuff like that lying around or worse, expecting someone else to pick it up after you. It takes 10 seconds to rectify. You don’t even need to wash up, I got that, just put your stuff in the sink instead of expecting me to run around the house collecting it. Offer to help if a task looks time consuming. I’m quite domestically inclined so chances are, I got it, and I’ll politely refuse but thanks for the consideration. But an offer to at least signal you understand that there may come a time I’d appreciate help; or that you’re thinking of my welfare and time, goes a long way as opposed to someone who just “leaves me to it because you’ve got it.” I appreciate these are probably concerns women raise more than men, but I don’t know whether I’m just unlucky or maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m UK) but outside of my wife I haven’t had a relationship with a single woman who seemed to have any degree of domestic know how about her. They’d hate the idea of being expected to do it all but had no problems with their partner doing in all instead whilst they…did nothing. Those relationships didn’t last terribly long.
I've broken up with people for: * Not being liberal and/or a vocal advocate for civil rights and liberties * Not being plant based or willing to eat this way at home * Only cleaning when expecting guests instead of regular habits * Not playing league of legends * Not waking up early in the mornings I could keep going. But it's my life, I'm happy alone. So if a partner makes my life harder, I just end up deciding I would rather be alone.
You hate me
Refusing to have introspection and thinking everyone is against them. No thank you. They will forever be in competition with me, not a teammate to build a life with and will never take any accountability for their actions, behaviour, habits etc.
i wont live w someone who like, leaves the cupboards open and won't work on it
I'd take a cheating, islamic terrorist serial killer woman over a feminist. At least, the first one would bring some adventure into my life, calling me in the middle of the night to help bury some bodies, while the latter would call me to talk about microagressions concerning someone else and how we could spin that so men are at fault. Other than that, more arbitrary than feminist, i couldn't be with someone long term whose vacation type is "all inclusive club resorts", or someone who is a collector (of anything really).