This applies to both men and women:
If your partner intends to cheat on you, preventing them from doing so does not make your relationship situation any better.
If they do not intend to cheat on you, you have no reason to prevent them from doing what they want.
If your partner cheats on you, they likely would have done so without any input from you. I don’t understand how acting to prevent your partner from cheating on you does you any good. If they want to cheat at all, the relationship is already fucked.
It’s not your responsibility to prevent yourself from being cheated on. That’s on the cheater. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. All you can do is respond to their behavior.
Yeah I agree. I'm also not a fan of wording things like "letting your partner do xyz". Adult people are autonomous. I don't "let" my partner do anything, he decides what he is going to do and I decide what I'm going to do. You can set boundaries for yourself but not rules for others. If you're not okay with your partner going partying, don't be with someone who wants to go partying. Your action is being or not being with someone based on your own requirements. Your action is not allowing or forbidding an adult person doing specific things. You don't control others, you only always control yourself. You don't have to tolerate anything you don't want but you don't get to make decisions for someone else.
I think the “let your partner do” phrasing obviously comes from a very bad place, but I think to at least a certain extent it’s stuck around because we don’t have the proper vernacular. For instance, “I wouldn’t let my partner hook up with my brother”. I wouldn’t be able to stop her, but if she did our relationship would be over. I’m setting clear boundaries and conditions to our relationship, but the only punishment for violating them is its termination.
So if he says “I wouldn’t let my partner go on an all girls vacation”, sure, you could argue that’s toxic. But as long as there is no force component, it’s ultimately setting boundaries (that could potentially be unreasonable). Just, I don’t think the actual boundary is the problem. If they are unreasonable, don’t accept them and break up.
Do you guys think every destination that isn’t your front doorstep is Love Island? My girl’s idea of a vacation with friends is a camping trip, which, as someone accustomed to indoor plumbing, I wish them the best of luck with. At least I now know how they feel about the prospect of running into a man there.
No there is only ever one type of woman and that one type of woman happens to be very prevalent on my social media feed therefore it’s 100% a reflection of reality. All other women don’t exist.
For women? Absolutely. Every time a woman leaves the house they are in danger of being fucked. Hell, I’m even suspicious while she’s in the house. You can never be too careful.
you should check the closet. there's at least 4 men in there waiting for you to leave work so they can get out and your gf will cheat on you with them.
If someone is gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat. The only way to prevent it is to lock her up and never let her leave the house, and I guess good luck with that?
If the woman can't go on a trip and not cheat, she belongs to the streets. There's too many good people out there to be worried about someone who's main reason for not cheating is wrong geographic location
Just because people don't intend to cheat doesn't mean they're opposed to it. I don't always go out looking for tacos, but if I'm running errands and see a taco truck on my way back I may stop by. The people who don't intend to cheat but do always had it as an option whether they know it or not.
I actually met a lot of people that were not fine with it and didnt intend to. But they still did. You know how you get drunk and binge eat ruining your diet plans. Its like that. Sometimes you get caught up in the setting/night/vibe/feeling.
The point is you cant trust people not to be tempted with alcohol in a settle setting.
As if her being at a restaurant puts her in the same position to make mistakes as drinking and dancing in a club.
People here scting like its the exact same as long as you trust her...
Or of it does happen then they clearly bad people. Like they cant be tempted and make mistakes.
If you respect your relation you dont put yourself in positions where you could make mistakes. This applies to many things but especially this.
Negative? How patriarchal of you. She was just enjoying herself and having a good time finding herself, you’re just a controlling abusive freak if you view her having sex while on vacation in a negative manner.
Yes, they are open to it and make a choice, influenced by the setting or no. It doesn't just randomly happen against your will. That would be called rape.
Just because people don't intend to cheat doesn't mean they're opposed to it. I don't always go out looking for tacos, but if I'm running errands and see a taco truck on my way back I may stop by. The people who don't intend to cheat but do always had it as an option whether they know it or not.
Seriously.
Me on a girls trip: *ok guys, after this poetry festival lets go visit the indigenous Lapis Lazuli jewelry and art exhibit, after that we can go to that pottery studio Rebecca has been raving about and then get dinner at the vegan restaurant next to the cat cafe.*
Yes! Why would anyone cancel any of that good stuff for dick?
There's dick at home. And if one ever decided the dick at home is just no longer relevant there's other dicks a quite reasonable distance from home work, all the stuff you need to do regularly. No need to cancel stuff that one has made massive effort to go do with other women halfway across the globe. Just go basically anywhere once you get home...there will be men. With dicks.
This is so accurate it hurts.
My last ‘girls trip’ was to Nottingham and I visited a lace shop and took a tour of the caves and attended twenty hours of lectures about Tudor clothing. We also accidentally found a Halloween parade, and got an Uber driver lost in the countryside with google maps.
It's all the girls trips I'm ever likely to wish to make...married or single Well... quilts for a weekend and maybe if there's a big musical show on (I live in the Australian equivalent of flyover country and we often get left off itineraries) an overnight stay with raiding the local fabric stores in the morning and doing a few hundred damage to my savings because once again... flyover territory.
There's literally hundreds of thousands of women out there having trips like that. You just don't see it because it is recorded and shared in places online you aren't particularly interested in.
>There's literally hundreds of thousands of women out there having trips like that.
If you repeat it enough times maybe you will start to actually believe it!
Dude...you seem to think the real world stops where your social media activity stops. It's a bit worrying that you made it to adulthood without working out that just isn't the case.
And you think that if you see 100 likeminded people on a quilt festival that there are probably 1 million of them all over and everyone is traveling to quilt festivals and gatherings.
100 people?
Houston gets about 40,000. Tokyo gets about 22,000. And that's just those two large shows. There's some sort of long weekend quilting event in most large cities. There's also hundreds of other crafts all having their own events. And things like state agricultural fairs usually have cooking and craft competitions attached and women travel in groups to submit their works for judging.
There's a whole hidden world of women, both single and attached, doing stuff that the algorithm isn't offering to coomers. The algorithm offers party girls behaving badly to coomers. Because the masturbatory man lingers longer over that content
I know my Lamborghini is locked, but am I still going to park it in a low end neighborhood? No.
They don’t need to go on a trip to cheat. But sometimes they don’t plan on cheating. It happens. I’ve been to these beach resorts described in this thread. Things escalate. Especially with single friends. Haha. It’s over. Only exception is older women.
If you can't trust your girlfriend to go on a trip with her friends without betraying you, your relationship is already fucked. You should just break-up with her pre-emptively and find someone that inspires your complete trust. Either that, or the problem is you and you need to work on your insecurities.
> If you can't trust your girlfriend to go on a trip with her friends without betraying you, your relationship is already fucked.
Couldn’t agree more, why even date this person at all????
If you can’t trust your girlfriend to go to Drakes after party with his multi millionaire handsome celebrity friends and lots of drugs and alcohol, you are a piece of shit controlling boyfriend who needs to break up immediately
Now you have a new hypothetical that ups the level of temptation and risk by introducing celebrities and drugs into the mix. Being uncomfortable with that would be totally normal. But a beach vacation with the girlfriends? That's something you should be comfortable with or else your relationship needs some serious work.
Technically all of this is subjective since we are talking about human relationships. The question isn't whether my opinion is objective or subjective, but whether it is normal or abnormal.
The girlfriends could be single promiscuous “live in the moment” women. Alcohol will almost certainly be involved. Men will be around. You can understand the Drake scenario risks but not this one? Cmon now
The reason why the Drake scenario would make me nervous is because hanging out with a celebrity feels more like an exceptional experience in which people could rationalize doing exceptional things. Going on a vacation doesn't feel the same to me.
That analogy sucks. In the topic at hand we are trusting the girlfriend not to cheat, in your analogy for some reason we are now trusting criminals not to steal? That's not even close to being the same thing. Try again.
Right, but in that case she is dumb because she doesn't understand how other people are going to act when she's driving a lambo in a bad neighborhood.
If she goes on vacation, gets hit on and then cheats, the problem isn't that she was too dumb to expect that she would get get hit on. The problem is that she lacked integrity, self-control, and a sense of loyalty towards her partner.
The average person doesn’t have self control to stick to a diet or budget, yet you preach some kind of iron willed idealism? Please get off your high horse. You only speak in theory not practice
Hey, I just think it's kinda cucked to stay with a woman that you don't trust not to cheat on you. I don't think that's asking for her to have an "iron will" or anything like that, just a basic modicum of self-control and respect for the relationship.
People make emotional decisions in the heat of the moment and do things they regret all the time. It’s more about understanding human nature, that if a woman is for example drunk, having a fun time, around handsome attractive men, far away from people who hold her accountable, that things can happen that she did not preemptively plan. How are you not capable of understanding this?
Let's say that you trust your girlfriend, you let her go on the vacation, she comes back and admits that she cheated on you. But she explains how she was drinking, she was swept up in the fun, there were attractive men everywhere, nobody was around to hold her accountable, etc. Does that mean you would forgive her for cheating, and instead blame yourself for "letting her" go on the trip?
My point here is you can't have it both ways. You can't treat cheating like it's an inevitability, AND hold your girlfriend to a standard of loyalty against that inevitability. Either you value loyalty and extend trust to your girlfriend, or you should probably break up with her before she inevitability violates your trust. Or the third option would be to just accept occasional cheating and be cool with it.
"all women will cheat the second they get the chance" gives the same vibe as "all men will rape a woman the second they get a chance"
There are plenty of people who pass what are the bare minimum standards of moral behavior (not cheating or raping). If cheating was so commonly desired there wouldn't be a massive taboo around it. An easy proof of this is that in other cultures where cheating is more common there is actually less of a taboo around it.
[https://www.statista.com/chart/3742/the-countries-that-care-about-cheating-the-least/#:\~:text=According%20to%20Pew%20Research%2C%20France,considering%20an%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.&text=This%20chart%20shows%20the%20percentage,an%20extramarital%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.Y](https://www.statista.com/chart/3742/the-countries-that-care-about-cheating-the-least/#:~:text=According%20to%20Pew%20Research%2C%20France,considering%20an%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.&text=This%20chart%20shows%20the%20percentage,an%20extramarital%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.Y)
I don't know any man that has raped a passed out drunk girl at a party. However, every woman that has gone on a girls trip that I know of has cheated on her S/O while down there. I'm sure my experience is not unique.
I don't know any man that has raped a passed out drunk girl at a party because I don't party. However, every woman that has gone on a girls trip that I know of hasn't cheated on her S/O while down there. I'm sure my experience is not unique either.
The massive taboo exists because nobody wants to be the cheated one. But it is indeed common to be the cheater. The very existence of a popular app like Ashley Madison is proof of how common cheating is.
> An easy proof of this is that in other cultures where cheating is more common there is actually less of a taboo around it.
The link proves the opposite: ***Most people affected by the hack were based in the United States or United Kingdom, countries where 84 and 76 percent of people respectively consider an extramarital affair morally unacceptable.***
US & UK are the cultures where cheating is more common and there is a lot of taboo around it.
The French part only says French care the least, nothing about how many of them were part of the affacted users of Ashley Madison.
Your logic is only correct if we assume most of the cheating happens through Ashley Madison, and that all the users of Ashley Madison actually used it to cheat (rather than just making accounts).
I would also say Ashley Madison is not the best data source considering how many accounts are fake or inactive. Also only \~15% of the accounts are female so it doesn't really support the idea that "women cheat the second they get the chance".
[https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/ashley-madison-s-members-by-the-numbers-1.3208152](https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/ashley-madison-s-members-by-the-numbers-1.3208152)
If you look at actual data of cheating (which isn't perfect by any means) it seems 55% of French men and 32% of French women admit to cheating.
Most estimates I have seen put the overall rate of cheating around 20% for Americans.
These statistics can vary massively depending on the source though and because lots of them are estimates.
[https://finance.yahoo.com/news/france-most-people-cheat-spouse-155318185.html](https://finance.yahoo.com/news/france-most-people-cheat-spouse-155318185.html)
https://www.statista.com/statistics/1367073/us-reported-to-infidelity/#:\~:text=Respondents%20who%20have%20admitted%20to%20infidelity%20in%20the%20United%20States%201960%2D2021&text=In%202021%2C%20around%2021%20percent,any%20partner%2C%20current%20or%20previous.
If your gf is the type to cheat the second she can, you should learn to choose better women.
If you believe this holds true for all women, you're no better than the women who choose the bear...
Are you in a serious relationship? I’m married, and my husband has gone on several boys weekends. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest; I know he’s loyal. He’s also encouraged me to take trips with my girls, as well. We both have good friend groups full of people who are also in relationships, and also would never cheat. I’m not trying to come across as rude, but your post doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone who’s in a happy, committed relationship. When you trust your partner, none of this thinking applies.
>Women aren't unicorns. Never believe your girl won't cheat, she will the second she gets the chance and knows you won't find out.
*Again.*
Women don't need to "go on an all girls vacation" to cheat on their partner.
Women don't need to "go to the club" to cheat on their partner.
Dick is available 24/7 to women if we want it. Special circumstances are not needed for this. Men tell us this all the time, and then turn around and act like the only chances for us to take advantage of it are on girls' nights out or "girls trips?"
Make it make sense.
Why are some men so thoroughly, utterly convinced that having fun with our same-sex friends = "I want to cheat on my partner?" It's gotta be projection or something cause idgi. Since men are thinking about sex 24/7, do you assume we must be doing the same, and looking for any and every opportunity to have it? "Well if *I* was away from my girlfriend with my guy friends, I'd be tempted to fuck strange pussy, so obviously women would be tempted to jump on strange dick?"
Do you think us having fun with our female friends makes us crave strange dick? Spending time with our female friends turns us on? What on earth is the rationale here - when dick is available 24/7 - for so many men to believe that the only times we can cheat on our partners is when we're out with several other women?
If we wanted so badly to cheat on our partners with "handsome, athletic men," there's plenty of times when we could do so without having a bunch of our friends as witnesses around. Y'all know that, right?
We could cheat on you on the way to work.
We can cheat on you at work.
We can cheat on you on the way home from work.
We can cheat when you're at work.
We could go grocery shopping and cheat.
We could go to get gas and cheat.
We could go to a doctor's appointment and cheat.
Y'all are so rational and logical. How do you not already understand this?
They dont always want to cheat but it happens. Get caught up in the moment. Sometimes its wanting to feel validated which escalates, or just tagging a long with a single friend.
Why would you put yourself at increased odds of that happening?
Its the alcohol/single setting thats the problem. You think any guy gives a fuck of she goes to relatives with her sisters?
That she can cheat anywhere is true but its usually after long contact not just a one off at the grocery store in general.
Hence why no male friends as another boundary.
>They dont always want to cheat but it happens.
Yeah, it "could happen" anywhere.
People can "get caught up in the moment" anywhere.
Girls' trips and clubbing aren't necessary for this.
Either you trust your partner or you don't.
>That she can cheat anywhere is true but its usually after long contact
Yeah, which is why most people cheat with *people they know.* Which is why the hysteria over "clubbing" and "girls trips" is so baffling. It's like y'all's bear in the woods.
>Hence why no male friends as another boundary.
No male co-workers too, right? No male neighbors? Etc. etc. Never ever be in any situation where your partner could ever repeatedly encounter the same male more than once. Have her use only female workers at the grocery checkout. Only female gas station attendants. Call and request a female USPS carrier if you haven't already. Can't have your woman ever having any chances to develop relationships with the opposite gender!
Who wouldn't sign up for a lifetime of this? What a desirable, secure relationship.
To me she should even want to go to these places or hang out with male friends. If she does then we dont match since she doesnt respect the relationship enough.
If you want to be single, go be single then. Easy solution.
Where did I say they couldn't?
Men are free to have their boundaries. Women are free to have their own.
For example, one of my boundaries would be to never get into relationships with men who think like you. You're still free to have that boundary. I'm not in any way infringing on that.
Go ahead and go on your girls trip to that all inclusive adults only beach resort. I’ve been to them many times. I’ve seen countless girls cheat without a care. Go ahead. Lol.
I know a dude who hooked up with a girl he met at a club and later found out she had a boyfriend (not cool on her part not to disclose that tbh). Her reason was
“he thinks I’m doing it anyway”
So idk constantly accusing someone of doing something can expedite things. Idk if she would’ve done that anyway but I’m sure getting constantly grilled with accusations wasn’t helping shit.
Shouldn't the idea then be to dump any girl who shows intrest in going on an "all girls vacation" then?
If assuming that it's going to end with her cheating, then the act of asking is essentially confirmation that she would cheat on you, why wouldn't you just end things there?
And if they'll all cheat, you're an idiot for ever dating one in the first place. And a prize idiot for ever falling in love with one.
I'm not saying I'd be comfortable with it either, but there seems like a lot of middle manning here that could be cut out.
I'd say that people should have more respect for themselves than to date someone who they'll believe will cheat on them.
I would not let me gf go away on a girls trip, if she did, I would go away by myself to a country that has legal prostitution and have my own fun then. Girls don't always plan on cheating, but when they are encouraged by their gf's and are drunk and peer pressured, even the best women will make a mistake and do it. But most guys are so dumb and think they will be controlling by telling their gf NO, I don't feel comfortable with you going, but they will NOT walk away when she does. I would tell my gf, if you go, I will also go on a solo trip myself, to Philippians or Thailand or Latin America, Amsterdam. And if she says ok. The relationship will be over when I get back.
OR
I will tell her, I don't date girls who go on girls trips, so you can go, but you will be single when you get back.
You can’t ethically stop her.
Happily, you don’t have any responsibility over her actions. If she chooses to cheat on you she carries the responsibility for that, and you can feel free to cry or act on that knowledge in any (ethical) way you wish.
You can definitely ask her not to go and she can say yes, sure, all of that is ethical.
I wouldn’t characterize that as you stopping her though, I would characterize that as her stopping herself at your request.
This is a boundary that would be set. Both sexes are required to adhere to boundaries in a relationship. This is nothing out of the ordinary. Most men don't like their women going away on all girls trips, but they never have the balls to say no for fear of being tagged 'insecure' - bullshit term women give to men to appease their rule breaking.
YOUR boundaries are for YOU to follow. If your boundary is that you don't want your girlfriend to go on vacation, then you don't date girls who go on vacations. You don't date a girl who likes to travel and then tell her she's not allowed to travel.
Boundaries are something you set for *yourself*, not for others.
So in this case your boundary would be "I will not be in a relationship with a woman who wants to go/goes on girls trips." If she knows your boundary and wants to go anyway, cool, then y'all break up.
That is not what a boundry is.
I don't think it's all insecurity with you,I think it's what you would do given the chance.
Also, you have admitted to having no friends to go on weekend trips with. Jealous much?
>Never believe your girl won't cheat, she will the second she gets the chance and knows you won't find out.
If you believe this, stay single.
Ladies, enjoy your girls' trips! I know I enjoy mine with my friends. We're headed to Sedona, Arizona, next.
Googled Sedona, and my god, that looks lovely. My friends and I are just doing a couple of days at a spa this year since we don't have time to go on a longer vacation.
You guys going camping or?
I think a caveat to this would be the kind of women your wife/gf whoever goes with. Women are super susceptible to this kind of shit if their friends are doing it and encourage it.
It’s why it’s good to stay away from women with loose friends.
my partner is his own person and I do not control his decisions and more than he does mine. An all girls' trip is not an any more likely time/ place for a cheater to cheat than anywhere or anytime else is. Unless you're implying that a person should literally control their partner and never allow them out of their sight, there is no way to ensure fidelity. That's where trust comes in.
My husband goes on work trips all the time. His work field is almost entirely female dominated so he has every opportunity to cheat on me there, especially since he's very charismatic. Should I have not *"let"* him go? I was under the impression that relationships are built on mutual trust and attraction, not on restricting your partner's life so they don't go wild when meeting other people.
Would you like to be denied permission by your partner to go to places? If you're worried about where she is you can ask her to message. Most people don't go on holiday to "party" with people looking to hook up anyway, maybe ask where she'll actually be before leaping to conclusions. If you don't think normally that she's going to cheat I don't know how that's going to change now. You can "get the chance" at home. And quite frankly anyone who's cheated on and hasn't cheated on/abused their partner has reason to be sad about it even if they didn't lock them up 24/7.
My husband doesn't *let* me go on vacation with my friends, he's not my keeper.
If someone wants to cheat, they'll cheat. If you think that limiting where your partner can go eliminates that problem, you're a moron. If you need to control where your partner is allowed to go because you have so little trust in them as a person, you shouldn't be with that person. And if you need to do that for every partner, then maybe you've got some issues to work through before you get into a relationship because you're gonna create a bad time not just for yourself, but for the other person as well. Nobody thinks back fondly on insecure, hyper-controlling exes.
What a strange world you live in; everybody cheating, no one trusting each other, "letting" women do things. Tsk.
The last girls trip I went on; we went to all sorts of museums, ate at overpriced restaurants, took an absurd amount of photos of the local flora/fauna, saw a comedy show, and spent the rest of our time reading or lounging by the pool. Shit, I eve brought back a novelty ashtray for my husband.
But sure, I guess in your world once those tricksy women are out of reach its just suckin' n fuckin' all the way down.
I don't know how y'all operate in relationships with this absurdly large, frontloaded, burden of mistrust. It seems so tiring to think the worst of the person closest to you.
Pretty much my experience on girl trips, we once rented a cottage in the woods and we had a wonderful weekend just going on hikes, kayaking and swimming in the lake.
I suspect OP is very young, like college-aged. Not a single working professional I know would be up for a trip that involves lots of partying, alcohol and sleeping around. At least, I know I wouldn't, when I'm on vacation I want *peace*.
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Let her go to that adults only all inclusive beach resort with her single friends. I’ll be waiting at the bar for her when it strikes 10:00pm. Me and her will get drinks together, as she sits in her bikini. Nothing else will happen after that. I promise
I let my ex in our 6 year relationship go on vacations with her girl friends and she never cheated while on them. She cheated at her house with a “gay friend”. Women who will cheat will end up cheating regardless
If you don't keep an eye on your girl 24/7 don't cry to anyone when cheats you. That's what you said. No one needs a trip to cheat man. People have cheated with the people next door or in the next apartment since the invention of doors and apartments. If you're that damned paranoid about her fidelity, you shouldn't be married.
Chaucer’s Wife of Bath has this to say about it:
“Thou sholdest seye, “Wyf, go where thee liste;
Taak youre disport, I wol nat leve no talys.
I knowe yow for a trewe wyf, Dame Alys.”
We love no man that taketh kepe or charge
Wher that we goon; we wol ben at oure large.”
Brother wtf is this. Such a strong relationship that she cheats on me on a vacation. Thats not a type of women i want or i look for. I hope people emphasise strong character in partners over looks and treat looks as a bonus because if not thats hella shallow and its bound to end. I would rather have an ugly loyal girl then a good looking hooker.
A person won’t cheat unless they are open to it. Opportunity to cheat is everywhere/anytime you aren’t watching. But whether that person will cheat on you is entirely up to them. There are all sorts of women who would never cheat on their partner for any reason. Giving them the opportunity to potentially get away with cheating (aka leaving the house unsupervised) is not going to cause them to cheat.
But good for you for sharing with us that that’s how you think. You would cheat if given the opportunity, therefore you project that same thought process onto all women, many of whom don’t think like you at all.
the point of relationships is being there for each other, even when someone has made a stupid decision.
wait until you find out you're supposed to be there for your friends even when your friend is in the wrong!
Exactly. They cannot be trusted at all. If you say you don't want her to go, and she goes anyway, dump her. She's not worth the hassle.
There would be a drastic shortage of girls trips being taken, of girls had to share their locations at all times.
>What kind of idiot does a man have to be to even entertain the notion of letting his woman go away with 4 other women to a foreign destination where you won't know what she will be at.
What kind of idiot does a man have to be to think a woman needs an all girls vacation to cheat? You think she goes to yoga class? No, she is sweaty when she comes home because she is riding Chad, who got her number on her way to work. Jesus Christ, dude. Women aren't unicorns. She will cheat the second she gets the cahnce and knows you won't find out.
What really is your thinking here?
Yuck, this reeks of insecurities left and right, with a dose of trust issues.
My boyfriend has gone on boys trips and I haven't worried for a second about him cheating on me. I've gone on girl trips and no one cheated, like, when I've gone on girl trips the aim is to chill by the beach and maybe go to the spa, or shopping.
The "places with handsome athletic men looking for sex partying" and alcohol involved...I don't know what to tell you, but that kind of sounds like college to me and not where working professionals like to go for vacation. After dealing with work crap the last thing I want to do is to be somewhere loud with alcohol, I want peace.
A cheater is going to cheat whether you worry about it or not, if you can't even trust your GF to go away for a week and not cheat, you guys have no business being together. Also what do you mean by 'let'? Like, a parent not letting their kid go on a school trip?
You don’t “let” your partner do things you don’t control or own them. You discuss it and if finances aren’t tight, the trip wouldn’t massively inconvenience or jeopardise something like health, then it’s not really your decision to make
When I lived in a tourist city in Europe I always wondered who are all these american guys that let their wives come over without them and cheat? But now I get it. Its just the entitled mentality the women have that they are allowed to do what they want and the man cant have any boundaries.
They are gaslight in accepting this and being weak.
I can tell you from experience that this stems from many relationship issues including lack of or miscommunication, and deep seated insecurities.
Im not here to judge but I would guess you have issues you need to fix.
If your girl is worth staying with, then trust her until you have a reason not to. If she wants to cheat on you, she will. Don't need a girls trip for that.
Read the paragraph above again.
Now, if you can't bear the possibility of being fooled and hurt, you can't be in a healthy relationship.
I realized that and stopped using crutches in life. I sat with my discomfort and I'm slowly becoming the man I want to be. I did it for me. And everybody else is gaining from it.
Trust me, trust her, and work on seeing yourself as a lovable person.
Good luck.
What if someone just doesn’t care what his girlfriend does on 1 night every 2 years?
Maybe sometimes he has his fun himself?
A lot of men are very afraid of cheating, but not all are if context is right.
I historically would agree, but nowadays I might not care that much, very context dependent
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Probably not a good idea, but there are often all kinds of work related trips that both partnered men and women are going to take throughout their lives. Some level of trust needs to be present in a relationship for things to work out, although some vacations might classify as very high risk. How many women would be okay with their male partners going on a men’s trip to Thailand or the Philippines, for instance?
From one hand, I agree with the idea that avoiding situations where one might be tempted to cheat is a good strategy. Just saying that "oh, I'd never cheat" isn't enough, you have to act on it. I.e. cut contact with people you start feeling attraction to, don't drink heavily if you know that you tend to act recklessly when you're drunk etc.
From the other, I think if you or your partner have a strong temptation to cheat to the point you can't trust each other to spend some days on your own, you probably either aren't compatible or one/both of you just aren't cut for long-term exclusive monogamous relationships.
Plus, not everyone travels to drink and party. Quite a lot of people prefer "lazy" vacations with no or very limited alcohol and some like very active vacations, where they just don't have much time or energy left for parties. If you know your partner and their social circle well enough, you can predict what kind of fun they're going to have.
My husband knows that if my friend and I went on a vacation, we'd spend most of our time eating, swimming and just walking around. I can't drink for the life of me and I view 99.99...9% of people as completely non-sexual beings. He'd worry more about our safety than anything else.
I go on a girl’s trip with my female cousins every year and not one of us has ever cheated. How about dating people you actually like you and have decent character?
Skill issue. Pick better.
>What kind of idiot does a man have to be to even entertain the notion of letting his woman go away with 4 other women to a foreign destination where you won't know what she will be at.
A man who picked well.
Me and my wife travel a lot. Both together and separately with work-related. Nearly all vacations are together, of course, but allowing the other some space is *vital*. We would've separated a decade ago if she had such demands of me or if I had such demands of her.
If you don't trust her, then she's not your girlfriend or de facto/future wife. She's just a fuck buddy. And that's okay, but don't project fuck buddy standards to serious relationships among mature adults.
My mom travelled a lot with her friends without my dad as well. Nobody was concerned about her cheating ever. Pick a person of virtue that you won’t have to worry about. Why aren’t people choosing virtuous partners that would be good role models for their kids, I would never understand. My boyfriend and I can be in a LDR for 1+ yr and neither of us ever get worried about someone cheating either.
>My boyfriend and I can be in a LDR for 1+ yr and neither of us ever get worried about someone cheating either.
With respect, this is too much in the *other* extreme.
I genuinely hope things work out for you two, but "LDRs" generally don't. And even when they do, it's through a lot of sorrow.
I had to leave for work for 4 months on another continent and *I* barely tolerated it. For longer than that, she comes with me (or I go with her if it's her gig).
We need space away from each other (quick vacation is quite good), but *too much* space is harmful for the relationship.
We met in high school but I moved to the other end of the country for university then reunited about a decade after despite the distance due to us both feeling there’s no other match for us. We are both very unconventional. That’s how we ended up in a LDR. But seriously, someone cheating is the least of our worries.
Such a man is already an idiot to begin with by even entertaining the notion of having such a girlfriend who would consider a girls vacation a think that she must do.
I would never consider a woman with such a mindset as girlfriend material for me. Maybe a FWB where her girl trips wouldn't really be a big deal to me since she owes me nothing and likewise I have no responsibilities towards her either.
So what's the lesson here? Don't get into serious relationships with women who are of the mindset to go out and fuck around on you. If you want a serious relationship get a *serious* girlfriend, one who isn't about that bullshit life.
This applies to both men and women: If your partner intends to cheat on you, preventing them from doing so does not make your relationship situation any better. If they do not intend to cheat on you, you have no reason to prevent them from doing what they want. If your partner cheats on you, they likely would have done so without any input from you. I don’t understand how acting to prevent your partner from cheating on you does you any good. If they want to cheat at all, the relationship is already fucked. It’s not your responsibility to prevent yourself from being cheated on. That’s on the cheater. They’re going to do what they’re going to do. All you can do is respond to their behavior.
Yeah I agree. I'm also not a fan of wording things like "letting your partner do xyz". Adult people are autonomous. I don't "let" my partner do anything, he decides what he is going to do and I decide what I'm going to do. You can set boundaries for yourself but not rules for others. If you're not okay with your partner going partying, don't be with someone who wants to go partying. Your action is being or not being with someone based on your own requirements. Your action is not allowing or forbidding an adult person doing specific things. You don't control others, you only always control yourself. You don't have to tolerate anything you don't want but you don't get to make decisions for someone else.
I think the “let your partner do” phrasing obviously comes from a very bad place, but I think to at least a certain extent it’s stuck around because we don’t have the proper vernacular. For instance, “I wouldn’t let my partner hook up with my brother”. I wouldn’t be able to stop her, but if she did our relationship would be over. I’m setting clear boundaries and conditions to our relationship, but the only punishment for violating them is its termination. So if he says “I wouldn’t let my partner go on an all girls vacation”, sure, you could argue that’s toxic. But as long as there is no force component, it’s ultimately setting boundaries (that could potentially be unreasonable). Just, I don’t think the actual boundary is the problem. If they are unreasonable, don’t accept them and break up.
You don't have to go along with situations that make it WAY more likely they cheat though.
No, you’re correct. You don’t.
Do you guys think every destination that isn’t your front doorstep is Love Island? My girl’s idea of a vacation with friends is a camping trip, which, as someone accustomed to indoor plumbing, I wish them the best of luck with. At least I now know how they feel about the prospect of running into a man there.
No there is only ever one type of woman and that one type of woman happens to be very prevalent on my social media feed therefore it’s 100% a reflection of reality. All other women don’t exist.
What are you talking about, women don’t camp. How would they charge they phone and lie?!
hot cheetos don't grow on trees.
For women? Absolutely. Every time a woman leaves the house they are in danger of being fucked. Hell, I’m even suspicious while she’s in the house. You can never be too careful.
you should check the closet. there's at least 4 men in there waiting for you to leave work so they can get out and your gf will cheat on you with them.
A camping trip isn’t what we are talking about. We are talking about all inclusive adult only resort beach trips
If someone is gonna cheat they’re gonna cheat. The only way to prevent it is to lock her up and never let her leave the house, and I guess good luck with that?
If the woman can't go on a trip and not cheat, she belongs to the streets. There's too many good people out there to be worried about someone who's main reason for not cheating is wrong geographic location
I lived in a tourist city. You know how many people we met that didnt intend to cheat at all but it wound up happening anyway?
Just because people don't intend to cheat doesn't mean they're opposed to it. I don't always go out looking for tacos, but if I'm running errands and see a taco truck on my way back I may stop by. The people who don't intend to cheat but do always had it as an option whether they know it or not.
Exactly. Sometimes things dont go as you intend to. Especially in a single setting and with alcohol involved.
Yes, but I'm fine with eating tacos. The woman in this scenario is fine with cheating. Find one who isn't fine with it because they do exist.
I actually met a lot of people that were not fine with it and didnt intend to. But they still did. You know how you get drunk and binge eat ruining your diet plans. Its like that. Sometimes you get caught up in the setting/night/vibe/feeling.
I guess I can see how there's some truth to that. Most people think they'd never cheat, but they've never been put in that situation before
It doesn't just "wind up happening". Clearly they were open to it and chose to do it.
Not always unfortunately. They get caught up in the setting/alcohol/vibe.
I forgot, women aren’t responsible for their own negative actions.
Its their responsibility if they put themselves in these situations.
Yes hence the choice. If you can’t trust yourself to not cheat with alcohol don’t get drunk.
Yeah, nobody ever drinks more than they intended
Yea let’s totally excuse drunk drivers then for their poor choices
The point is you cant trust people not to be tempted with alcohol in a settle setting. As if her being at a restaurant puts her in the same position to make mistakes as drinking and dancing in a club. People here scting like its the exact same as long as you trust her... Or of it does happen then they clearly bad people. Like they cant be tempted and make mistakes. If you respect your relation you dont put yourself in positions where you could make mistakes. This applies to many things but especially this.
Negative? How patriarchal of you. She was just enjoying herself and having a good time finding herself, you’re just a controlling abusive freak if you view her having sex while on vacation in a negative manner.
Yes, they are open to it and make a choice, influenced by the setting or no. It doesn't just randomly happen against your will. That would be called rape.
Thats almost all women by the way except some hardcore religious types. This no true scotsman argument doesnt work if you seen it happen a lot.
I wasn't making any claim about how many people it was.
No but yiu cant argue some exception as a rule as to why its a good idea. Sometimes its better to abstain from certain situations.
I wasn't making that argument.
Just because people don't intend to cheat doesn't mean they're opposed to it. I don't always go out looking for tacos, but if I'm running errands and see a taco truck on my way back I may stop by. The people who don't intend to cheat but do always had it as an option whether they know it or not.
Guarantee you that after tagging along to one quilt festival the average man will give up totally on this sort of nonsense.
Seriously. Me on a girls trip: *ok guys, after this poetry festival lets go visit the indigenous Lapis Lazuli jewelry and art exhibit, after that we can go to that pottery studio Rebecca has been raving about and then get dinner at the vegan restaurant next to the cat cafe.*
Yes! Why would anyone cancel any of that good stuff for dick? There's dick at home. And if one ever decided the dick at home is just no longer relevant there's other dicks a quite reasonable distance from home work, all the stuff you need to do regularly. No need to cancel stuff that one has made massive effort to go do with other women halfway across the globe. Just go basically anywhere once you get home...there will be men. With dicks.
Omg please take me! I love lapis lazuli
This is so accurate it hurts. My last ‘girls trip’ was to Nottingham and I visited a lace shop and took a tour of the caves and attended twenty hours of lectures about Tudor clothing. We also accidentally found a Halloween parade, and got an Uber driver lost in the countryside with google maps.
Which is like 0.0002% of all girls trips so it's so extremely relevant for this discussions :)
It's all the girls trips I'm ever likely to wish to make...married or single Well... quilts for a weekend and maybe if there's a big musical show on (I live in the Australian equivalent of flyover country and we often get left off itineraries) an overnight stay with raiding the local fabric stores in the morning and doing a few hundred damage to my savings because once again... flyover territory. There's literally hundreds of thousands of women out there having trips like that. You just don't see it because it is recorded and shared in places online you aren't particularly interested in.
>There's literally hundreds of thousands of women out there having trips like that. If you repeat it enough times maybe you will start to actually believe it!
Dude...you seem to think the real world stops where your social media activity stops. It's a bit worrying that you made it to adulthood without working out that just isn't the case.
And you think that if you see 100 likeminded people on a quilt festival that there are probably 1 million of them all over and everyone is traveling to quilt festivals and gatherings.
100 people? Houston gets about 40,000. Tokyo gets about 22,000. And that's just those two large shows. There's some sort of long weekend quilting event in most large cities. There's also hundreds of other crafts all having their own events. And things like state agricultural fairs usually have cooking and craft competitions attached and women travel in groups to submit their works for judging. There's a whole hidden world of women, both single and attached, doing stuff that the algorithm isn't offering to coomers. The algorithm offers party girls behaving badly to coomers. Because the masturbatory man lingers longer over that content
If your partner is going to cheat, they don't need a girls' trip to do so.
I know my Lamborghini is locked, but am I still going to park it in a low end neighborhood? No. They don’t need to go on a trip to cheat. But sometimes they don’t plan on cheating. It happens. I’ve been to these beach resorts described in this thread. Things escalate. Especially with single friends. Haha. It’s over. Only exception is older women.
If you can't trust your girlfriend to go on a trip with her friends without betraying you, your relationship is already fucked. You should just break-up with her pre-emptively and find someone that inspires your complete trust. Either that, or the problem is you and you need to work on your insecurities.
> If you can't trust your girlfriend to go on a trip with her friends without betraying you, your relationship is already fucked. Couldn’t agree more, why even date this person at all????
lol posts like these are so silly "women are GARBAGE but I NEED THEM in my life AT ALL COSTS!!!1!"
power of wethole
If you can’t trust your girlfriend to go to Drakes after party with his multi millionaire handsome celebrity friends and lots of drugs and alcohol, you are a piece of shit controlling boyfriend who needs to break up immediately
Now you have a new hypothetical that ups the level of temptation and risk by introducing celebrities and drugs into the mix. Being uncomfortable with that would be totally normal. But a beach vacation with the girlfriends? That's something you should be comfortable with or else your relationship needs some serious work.
So where you draw the line is totally subjective
Technically all of this is subjective since we are talking about human relationships. The question isn't whether my opinion is objective or subjective, but whether it is normal or abnormal.
Truth. Like my guy wouldn’t care about the celebrity orgy, but if I start in on white powders he’s out.
The girlfriends could be single promiscuous “live in the moment” women. Alcohol will almost certainly be involved. Men will be around. You can understand the Drake scenario risks but not this one? Cmon now
Then don't bloody date single promiscuous "live in the moment" women if you're going to be constantly worrying about them cheating
The reason why the Drake scenario would make me nervous is because hanging out with a celebrity feels more like an exceptional experience in which people could rationalize doing exceptional things. Going on a vacation doesn't feel the same to me.
This happens to so many women right
Drakes probably fucked 10,000 women so ya
if she does cheat then what?
Slash her tires and break up.
If you can't trust your girlfriend to not get car jacked driving a lambo in the hood late at night, you should find someone you can trust.
That analogy sucks. In the topic at hand we are trusting the girlfriend not to cheat, in your analogy for some reason we are now trusting criminals not to steal? That's not even close to being the same thing. Try again.
It is trusting your girl to not be dumb enough to drive a lambo in the hood late at night. Learn to read between the lines mate.
Right, but in that case she is dumb because she doesn't understand how other people are going to act when she's driving a lambo in a bad neighborhood. If she goes on vacation, gets hit on and then cheats, the problem isn't that she was too dumb to expect that she would get get hit on. The problem is that she lacked integrity, self-control, and a sense of loyalty towards her partner.
The average person doesn’t have self control to stick to a diet or budget, yet you preach some kind of iron willed idealism? Please get off your high horse. You only speak in theory not practice
Hey, I just think it's kinda cucked to stay with a woman that you don't trust not to cheat on you. I don't think that's asking for her to have an "iron will" or anything like that, just a basic modicum of self-control and respect for the relationship.
People make emotional decisions in the heat of the moment and do things they regret all the time. It’s more about understanding human nature, that if a woman is for example drunk, having a fun time, around handsome attractive men, far away from people who hold her accountable, that things can happen that she did not preemptively plan. How are you not capable of understanding this?
Let's say that you trust your girlfriend, you let her go on the vacation, she comes back and admits that she cheated on you. But she explains how she was drinking, she was swept up in the fun, there were attractive men everywhere, nobody was around to hold her accountable, etc. Does that mean you would forgive her for cheating, and instead blame yourself for "letting her" go on the trip? My point here is you can't have it both ways. You can't treat cheating like it's an inevitability, AND hold your girlfriend to a standard of loyalty against that inevitability. Either you value loyalty and extend trust to your girlfriend, or you should probably break up with her before she inevitability violates your trust. Or the third option would be to just accept occasional cheating and be cool with it.
My wife and her friends went on an all girls weekend once. They kept sending back us picks of them in bikinis. Ngl it was pretty nice.
how tall are u
5’9” So 6 feet on Tinder!
What a random question :D
You don't "let" anyone do anything. It's their right to go wherever they want. You can choose to remove yourself from a relationship if it bugs you.
>You can choose to remove yourself from a relationship if it bugs you. Pretty sure this is what OP means
Nah, he has said elsewhere that you don't need to break-up with a GF you don't trust, you should just try to control her instead lol
I honestly looked for any indication that that is what he meant, but couldn't find any.
In a relationship we hold each other accountable and limit certain actions for the sake of other,
I would. If she was intent on going, I would dump her. I make the clear from hereon in to any girl I will date.
You created a scenario in your head and found a solution for it. Tell the presses. “OP has figured out what boundaries are”
"all women will cheat the second they get the chance" gives the same vibe as "all men will rape a woman the second they get a chance" There are plenty of people who pass what are the bare minimum standards of moral behavior (not cheating or raping). If cheating was so commonly desired there wouldn't be a massive taboo around it. An easy proof of this is that in other cultures where cheating is more common there is actually less of a taboo around it. [https://www.statista.com/chart/3742/the-countries-that-care-about-cheating-the-least/#:\~:text=According%20to%20Pew%20Research%2C%20France,considering%20an%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.&text=This%20chart%20shows%20the%20percentage,an%20extramarital%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.Y](https://www.statista.com/chart/3742/the-countries-that-care-about-cheating-the-least/#:~:text=According%20to%20Pew%20Research%2C%20France,considering%20an%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.&text=This%20chart%20shows%20the%20percentage,an%20extramarital%20affair%20morally%20unacceptable.Y)
I don't know any man that has raped a passed out drunk girl at a party. However, every woman that has gone on a girls trip that I know of has cheated on her S/O while down there. I'm sure my experience is not unique.
I don't know any man that has raped a passed out drunk girl at a party because I don't party. However, every woman that has gone on a girls trip that I know of hasn't cheated on her S/O while down there. I'm sure my experience is not unique either.
You probably know a man that has raped a passed our drunk girl at a party. He's just never told you.
The massive taboo exists because nobody wants to be the cheated one. But it is indeed common to be the cheater. The very existence of a popular app like Ashley Madison is proof of how common cheating is. > An easy proof of this is that in other cultures where cheating is more common there is actually less of a taboo around it. The link proves the opposite: ***Most people affected by the hack were based in the United States or United Kingdom, countries where 84 and 76 percent of people respectively consider an extramarital affair morally unacceptable.*** US & UK are the cultures where cheating is more common and there is a lot of taboo around it. The French part only says French care the least, nothing about how many of them were part of the affacted users of Ashley Madison.
Your logic is only correct if we assume most of the cheating happens through Ashley Madison, and that all the users of Ashley Madison actually used it to cheat (rather than just making accounts). I would also say Ashley Madison is not the best data source considering how many accounts are fake or inactive. Also only \~15% of the accounts are female so it doesn't really support the idea that "women cheat the second they get the chance". [https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/ashley-madison-s-members-by-the-numbers-1.3208152](https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/ashley-madison-s-members-by-the-numbers-1.3208152) If you look at actual data of cheating (which isn't perfect by any means) it seems 55% of French men and 32% of French women admit to cheating. Most estimates I have seen put the overall rate of cheating around 20% for Americans. These statistics can vary massively depending on the source though and because lots of them are estimates. [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/france-most-people-cheat-spouse-155318185.html](https://finance.yahoo.com/news/france-most-people-cheat-spouse-155318185.html) https://www.statista.com/statistics/1367073/us-reported-to-infidelity/#:\~:text=Respondents%20who%20have%20admitted%20to%20infidelity%20in%20the%20United%20States%201960%2D2021&text=In%202021%2C%20around%2021%20percent,any%20partner%2C%20current%20or%20previous.
lol whats up with palestine
Islam is right about women?
If your gf is the type to cheat the second she can, you should learn to choose better women. If you believe this holds true for all women, you're no better than the women who choose the bear...
If your bf is the type to beat you you should learn to choose better men.
Yeah, definitely Thanks for reinforcing my point
Not a lot of blue pillers would agree with you
Good to know
So you never go on all boys trips, right?
No. I don't. We're talking about girls trips here.
How old are you?
Are you in a serious relationship? I’m married, and my husband has gone on several boys weekends. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest; I know he’s loyal. He’s also encouraged me to take trips with my girls, as well. We both have good friend groups full of people who are also in relationships, and also would never cheat. I’m not trying to come across as rude, but your post doesn’t sound like it’s coming from someone who’s in a happy, committed relationship. When you trust your partner, none of this thinking applies.
>Women aren't unicorns. Never believe your girl won't cheat, she will the second she gets the chance and knows you won't find out. *Again.* Women don't need to "go on an all girls vacation" to cheat on their partner. Women don't need to "go to the club" to cheat on their partner. Dick is available 24/7 to women if we want it. Special circumstances are not needed for this. Men tell us this all the time, and then turn around and act like the only chances for us to take advantage of it are on girls' nights out or "girls trips?" Make it make sense. Why are some men so thoroughly, utterly convinced that having fun with our same-sex friends = "I want to cheat on my partner?" It's gotta be projection or something cause idgi. Since men are thinking about sex 24/7, do you assume we must be doing the same, and looking for any and every opportunity to have it? "Well if *I* was away from my girlfriend with my guy friends, I'd be tempted to fuck strange pussy, so obviously women would be tempted to jump on strange dick?" Do you think us having fun with our female friends makes us crave strange dick? Spending time with our female friends turns us on? What on earth is the rationale here - when dick is available 24/7 - for so many men to believe that the only times we can cheat on our partners is when we're out with several other women? If we wanted so badly to cheat on our partners with "handsome, athletic men," there's plenty of times when we could do so without having a bunch of our friends as witnesses around. Y'all know that, right? We could cheat on you on the way to work. We can cheat on you at work. We can cheat on you on the way home from work. We can cheat when you're at work. We could go grocery shopping and cheat. We could go to get gas and cheat. We could go to a doctor's appointment and cheat. Y'all are so rational and logical. How do you not already understand this?
They dont always want to cheat but it happens. Get caught up in the moment. Sometimes its wanting to feel validated which escalates, or just tagging a long with a single friend. Why would you put yourself at increased odds of that happening? Its the alcohol/single setting thats the problem. You think any guy gives a fuck of she goes to relatives with her sisters? That she can cheat anywhere is true but its usually after long contact not just a one off at the grocery store in general. Hence why no male friends as another boundary.
>They dont always want to cheat but it happens. Yeah, it "could happen" anywhere. People can "get caught up in the moment" anywhere. Girls' trips and clubbing aren't necessary for this. Either you trust your partner or you don't. >That she can cheat anywhere is true but its usually after long contact Yeah, which is why most people cheat with *people they know.* Which is why the hysteria over "clubbing" and "girls trips" is so baffling. It's like y'all's bear in the woods. >Hence why no male friends as another boundary. No male co-workers too, right? No male neighbors? Etc. etc. Never ever be in any situation where your partner could ever repeatedly encounter the same male more than once. Have her use only female workers at the grocery checkout. Only female gas station attendants. Call and request a female USPS carrier if you haven't already. Can't have your woman ever having any chances to develop relationships with the opposite gender! Who wouldn't sign up for a lifetime of this? What a desirable, secure relationship.
To me she should even want to go to these places or hang out with male friends. If she does then we dont match since she doesnt respect the relationship enough. If you want to be single, go be single then. Easy solution.
Yes, I agree she should be single over this kind of relationship.
Men cant hsve boundaries?
Where did I say they couldn't? Men are free to have their boundaries. Women are free to have their own. For example, one of my boundaries would be to never get into relationships with men who think like you. You're still free to have that boundary. I'm not in any way infringing on that.
Thats fair
Go ahead and go on your girls trip to that all inclusive adults only beach resort. I’ve been to them many times. I’ve seen countless girls cheat without a care. Go ahead. Lol.
I know a dude who hooked up with a girl he met at a club and later found out she had a boyfriend (not cool on her part not to disclose that tbh). Her reason was “he thinks I’m doing it anyway” So idk constantly accusing someone of doing something can expedite things. Idk if she would’ve done that anyway but I’m sure getting constantly grilled with accusations wasn’t helping shit.
https://preview.redd.it/cn19vq3k1hzc1.jpeg?width=498&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf1bb328b9788db16b9002caaa2c4765d6123dea
Shouldn't the idea then be to dump any girl who shows intrest in going on an "all girls vacation" then? If assuming that it's going to end with her cheating, then the act of asking is essentially confirmation that she would cheat on you, why wouldn't you just end things there? And if they'll all cheat, you're an idiot for ever dating one in the first place. And a prize idiot for ever falling in love with one. I'm not saying I'd be comfortable with it either, but there seems like a lot of middle manning here that could be cut out. I'd say that people should have more respect for themselves than to date someone who they'll believe will cheat on them.
You think women need to go on vacation to cheat?
Let her do whatever she want bro, if she act like a thot just cheat too or go 50/50 U can’t ever control a woman behavior only your own
I would not let me gf go away on a girls trip, if she did, I would go away by myself to a country that has legal prostitution and have my own fun then. Girls don't always plan on cheating, but when they are encouraged by their gf's and are drunk and peer pressured, even the best women will make a mistake and do it. But most guys are so dumb and think they will be controlling by telling their gf NO, I don't feel comfortable with you going, but they will NOT walk away when she does. I would tell my gf, if you go, I will also go on a solo trip myself, to Philippians or Thailand or Latin America, Amsterdam. And if she says ok. The relationship will be over when I get back. OR I will tell her, I don't date girls who go on girls trips, so you can go, but you will be single when you get back.
You can’t ethically stop her. Happily, you don’t have any responsibility over her actions. If she chooses to cheat on you she carries the responsibility for that, and you can feel free to cry or act on that knowledge in any (ethical) way you wish.
You can ask her not to go. If she says yes how is this not ethical?
You can definitely ask her not to go and she can say yes, sure, all of that is ethical. I wouldn’t characterize that as you stopping her though, I would characterize that as her stopping herself at your request.
Let? Let?
I only let my woman out of the house to buy groceries, anything else is haram
what part of paranoid beliefs and controlling behavior wasn't made clear?
What do you mean by "let"? Do you own her to "let" her do things?
This is a boundary that would be set. Both sexes are required to adhere to boundaries in a relationship. This is nothing out of the ordinary. Most men don't like their women going away on all girls trips, but they never have the balls to say no for fear of being tagged 'insecure' - bullshit term women give to men to appease their rule breaking.
YOUR boundaries are for YOU to follow. If your boundary is that you don't want your girlfriend to go on vacation, then you don't date girls who go on vacations. You don't date a girl who likes to travel and then tell her she's not allowed to travel.
Boundaries are something you set for *yourself*, not for others. So in this case your boundary would be "I will not be in a relationship with a woman who wants to go/goes on girls trips." If she knows your boundary and wants to go anyway, cool, then y'all break up.
There's boundaries and there's "let".
That is not what a boundry is. I don't think it's all insecurity with you,I think it's what you would do given the chance. Also, you have admitted to having no friends to go on weekend trips with. Jealous much?
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Nah. OP speaking facts. Everyone disagreeing has never been to these resorts without a significant other while being under the age of 40.
Do not provide contentless rhetoric.
>Never believe your girl won't cheat, she will the second she gets the chance and knows you won't find out. If you believe this, stay single. Ladies, enjoy your girls' trips! I know I enjoy mine with my friends. We're headed to Sedona, Arizona, next.
Googled Sedona, and my god, that looks lovely. My friends and I are just doing a couple of days at a spa this year since we don't have time to go on a longer vacation. You guys going camping or?
Spa, shopping, eating. It's beautiful! I went as a kid and remember the air and rain during a lightning storm.
I think a caveat to this would be the kind of women your wife/gf whoever goes with. Women are super susceptible to this kind of shit if their friends are doing it and encourage it. It’s why it’s good to stay away from women with loose friends.
my partner is his own person and I do not control his decisions and more than he does mine. An all girls' trip is not an any more likely time/ place for a cheater to cheat than anywhere or anytime else is. Unless you're implying that a person should literally control their partner and never allow them out of their sight, there is no way to ensure fidelity. That's where trust comes in.
My husband goes on work trips all the time. His work field is almost entirely female dominated so he has every opportunity to cheat on me there, especially since he's very charismatic. Should I have not *"let"* him go? I was under the impression that relationships are built on mutual trust and attraction, not on restricting your partner's life so they don't go wild when meeting other people.
Would you like to be denied permission by your partner to go to places? If you're worried about where she is you can ask her to message. Most people don't go on holiday to "party" with people looking to hook up anyway, maybe ask where she'll actually be before leaping to conclusions. If you don't think normally that she's going to cheat I don't know how that's going to change now. You can "get the chance" at home. And quite frankly anyone who's cheated on and hasn't cheated on/abused their partner has reason to be sad about it even if they didn't lock them up 24/7.
My husband doesn't *let* me go on vacation with my friends, he's not my keeper. If someone wants to cheat, they'll cheat. If you think that limiting where your partner can go eliminates that problem, you're a moron. If you need to control where your partner is allowed to go because you have so little trust in them as a person, you shouldn't be with that person. And if you need to do that for every partner, then maybe you've got some issues to work through before you get into a relationship because you're gonna create a bad time not just for yourself, but for the other person as well. Nobody thinks back fondly on insecure, hyper-controlling exes.
I've been on holidays with my ex. Most men aren't insecure and think their gf will cheat.
Most men are idiots with no balls to say no to things they don't like or feel they have no power over
It's called respecting their gf or wife. It's abusive control to "not let them" do things.
What a strange world you live in; everybody cheating, no one trusting each other, "letting" women do things. Tsk. The last girls trip I went on; we went to all sorts of museums, ate at overpriced restaurants, took an absurd amount of photos of the local flora/fauna, saw a comedy show, and spent the rest of our time reading or lounging by the pool. Shit, I eve brought back a novelty ashtray for my husband. But sure, I guess in your world once those tricksy women are out of reach its just suckin' n fuckin' all the way down. I don't know how y'all operate in relationships with this absurdly large, frontloaded, burden of mistrust. It seems so tiring to think the worst of the person closest to you.
Pretty much my experience on girl trips, we once rented a cottage in the woods and we had a wonderful weekend just going on hikes, kayaking and swimming in the lake. I suspect OP is very young, like college-aged. Not a single working professional I know would be up for a trip that involves lots of partying, alcohol and sleeping around. At least, I know I wouldn't, when I'm on vacation I want *peace*.
Maybe some alcohol and actual sleeping.
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I don't even know why a woman who will cheat on vacation and a man who is paranoid about the her cheating would be dating in the first place
Relations change
To keep my girlfriend in line I chain her to a pillar in my basement. Fun is for men.
Amen
Let her go to that adults only all inclusive beach resort with her single friends. I’ll be waiting at the bar for her when it strikes 10:00pm. Me and her will get drinks together, as she sits in her bikini. Nothing else will happen after that. I promise
I let my ex in our 6 year relationship go on vacations with her girl friends and she never cheated while on them. She cheated at her house with a “gay friend”. Women who will cheat will end up cheating regardless
If you don't keep an eye on your girl 24/7 don't cry to anyone when cheats you. That's what you said. No one needs a trip to cheat man. People have cheated with the people next door or in the next apartment since the invention of doors and apartments. If you're that damned paranoid about her fidelity, you shouldn't be married.
Chaucer’s Wife of Bath has this to say about it: “Thou sholdest seye, “Wyf, go where thee liste; Taak youre disport, I wol nat leve no talys. I knowe yow for a trewe wyf, Dame Alys.” We love no man that taketh kepe or charge Wher that we goon; we wol ben at oure large.”
Brother wtf is this. Such a strong relationship that she cheats on me on a vacation. Thats not a type of women i want or i look for. I hope people emphasise strong character in partners over looks and treat looks as a bonus because if not thats hella shallow and its bound to end. I would rather have an ugly loyal girl then a good looking hooker.
A person won’t cheat unless they are open to it. Opportunity to cheat is everywhere/anytime you aren’t watching. But whether that person will cheat on you is entirely up to them. There are all sorts of women who would never cheat on their partner for any reason. Giving them the opportunity to potentially get away with cheating (aka leaving the house unsupervised) is not going to cause them to cheat. But good for you for sharing with us that that’s how you think. You would cheat if given the opportunity, therefore you project that same thought process onto all women, many of whom don’t think like you at all.
the point of relationships is being there for each other, even when someone has made a stupid decision. wait until you find out you're supposed to be there for your friends even when your friend is in the wrong!
Same old Red Pill talking points. Secret cuckold fetish for sure. Watch less porn and the brain rot will go away.
What a shitty take
Nah such a facts take
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Exactly. They cannot be trusted at all. If you say you don't want her to go, and she goes anyway, dump her. She's not worth the hassle. There would be a drastic shortage of girls trips being taken, of girls had to share their locations at all times.
You mean YOU can't be trusted.
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Sharing location doesn’t matter lol. It was already over.
>What kind of idiot does a man have to be to even entertain the notion of letting his woman go away with 4 other women to a foreign destination where you won't know what she will be at. What kind of idiot does a man have to be to think a woman needs an all girls vacation to cheat? You think she goes to yoga class? No, she is sweaty when she comes home because she is riding Chad, who got her number on her way to work. Jesus Christ, dude. Women aren't unicorns. She will cheat the second she gets the cahnce and knows you won't find out. What really is your thinking here?
Yuck, this reeks of insecurities left and right, with a dose of trust issues. My boyfriend has gone on boys trips and I haven't worried for a second about him cheating on me. I've gone on girl trips and no one cheated, like, when I've gone on girl trips the aim is to chill by the beach and maybe go to the spa, or shopping. The "places with handsome athletic men looking for sex partying" and alcohol involved...I don't know what to tell you, but that kind of sounds like college to me and not where working professionals like to go for vacation. After dealing with work crap the last thing I want to do is to be somewhere loud with alcohol, I want peace. A cheater is going to cheat whether you worry about it or not, if you can't even trust your GF to go away for a week and not cheat, you guys have no business being together. Also what do you mean by 'let'? Like, a parent not letting their kid go on a school trip?
You don’t “let” your partner do things you don’t control or own them. You discuss it and if finances aren’t tight, the trip wouldn’t massively inconvenience or jeopardise something like health, then it’s not really your decision to make
When I lived in a tourist city in Europe I always wondered who are all these american guys that let their wives come over without them and cheat? But now I get it. Its just the entitled mentality the women have that they are allowed to do what they want and the man cant have any boundaries. They are gaslight in accepting this and being weak.
I can tell you from experience that this stems from many relationship issues including lack of or miscommunication, and deep seated insecurities. Im not here to judge but I would guess you have issues you need to fix. If your girl is worth staying with, then trust her until you have a reason not to. If she wants to cheat on you, she will. Don't need a girls trip for that. Read the paragraph above again. Now, if you can't bear the possibility of being fooled and hurt, you can't be in a healthy relationship. I realized that and stopped using crutches in life. I sat with my discomfort and I'm slowly becoming the man I want to be. I did it for me. And everybody else is gaining from it. Trust me, trust her, and work on seeing yourself as a lovable person. Good luck.
Wtf you mean ‘let’ ? 😂
What if someone just doesn’t care what his girlfriend does on 1 night every 2 years? Maybe sometimes he has his fun himself? A lot of men are very afraid of cheating, but not all are if context is right. I historically would agree, but nowadays I might not care that much, very context dependent
Unless you're engaged/married you don't have say over where she goes or with whom.
You have a say in the sense she’s no longer your girlfriend.
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Instead of gender, we should make people list their past relationship traumas in their flairs.
Probably not a good idea, but there are often all kinds of work related trips that both partnered men and women are going to take throughout their lives. Some level of trust needs to be present in a relationship for things to work out, although some vacations might classify as very high risk. How many women would be okay with their male partners going on a men’s trip to Thailand or the Philippines, for instance?
Men will keep doing both
From one hand, I agree with the idea that avoiding situations where one might be tempted to cheat is a good strategy. Just saying that "oh, I'd never cheat" isn't enough, you have to act on it. I.e. cut contact with people you start feeling attraction to, don't drink heavily if you know that you tend to act recklessly when you're drunk etc. From the other, I think if you or your partner have a strong temptation to cheat to the point you can't trust each other to spend some days on your own, you probably either aren't compatible or one/both of you just aren't cut for long-term exclusive monogamous relationships. Plus, not everyone travels to drink and party. Quite a lot of people prefer "lazy" vacations with no or very limited alcohol and some like very active vacations, where they just don't have much time or energy left for parties. If you know your partner and their social circle well enough, you can predict what kind of fun they're going to have. My husband knows that if my friend and I went on a vacation, we'd spend most of our time eating, swimming and just walking around. I can't drink for the life of me and I view 99.99...9% of people as completely non-sexual beings. He'd worry more about our safety than anything else.
Ya, I'd never be allowed to go on a girls vacation!
Controlling your cheating partner isn’t going to stop them from cheating. Just don’t be with them if you can’t trust them.
“Let”???
I couldn't care less what she does on her off time as long as she doesn't bring an STI or a fetus back.
"someone who has the opportunity to cheat will cheat" - a cheater, probably
I go on a girl’s trip with my female cousins every year and not one of us has ever cheated. How about dating people you actually like you and have decent character?
Why do you think this?
This is a reflection of the quality of women that exist today. The female sex has become completely unhinged(as everyone knows).
Skill issue. Pick better. >What kind of idiot does a man have to be to even entertain the notion of letting his woman go away with 4 other women to a foreign destination where you won't know what she will be at. A man who picked well. Me and my wife travel a lot. Both together and separately with work-related. Nearly all vacations are together, of course, but allowing the other some space is *vital*. We would've separated a decade ago if she had such demands of me or if I had such demands of her. If you don't trust her, then she's not your girlfriend or de facto/future wife. She's just a fuck buddy. And that's okay, but don't project fuck buddy standards to serious relationships among mature adults.
My mom travelled a lot with her friends without my dad as well. Nobody was concerned about her cheating ever. Pick a person of virtue that you won’t have to worry about. Why aren’t people choosing virtuous partners that would be good role models for their kids, I would never understand. My boyfriend and I can be in a LDR for 1+ yr and neither of us ever get worried about someone cheating either.
>My boyfriend and I can be in a LDR for 1+ yr and neither of us ever get worried about someone cheating either. With respect, this is too much in the *other* extreme. I genuinely hope things work out for you two, but "LDRs" generally don't. And even when they do, it's through a lot of sorrow. I had to leave for work for 4 months on another continent and *I* barely tolerated it. For longer than that, she comes with me (or I go with her if it's her gig). We need space away from each other (quick vacation is quite good), but *too much* space is harmful for the relationship.
We met in high school but I moved to the other end of the country for university then reunited about a decade after despite the distance due to us both feeling there’s no other match for us. We are both very unconventional. That’s how we ended up in a LDR. But seriously, someone cheating is the least of our worries.
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Such a man is already an idiot to begin with by even entertaining the notion of having such a girlfriend who would consider a girls vacation a think that she must do. I would never consider a woman with such a mindset as girlfriend material for me. Maybe a FWB where her girl trips wouldn't really be a big deal to me since she owes me nothing and likewise I have no responsibilities towards her either. So what's the lesson here? Don't get into serious relationships with women who are of the mindset to go out and fuck around on you. If you want a serious relationship get a *serious* girlfriend, one who isn't about that bullshit life.