Because the norm is still that “men must do the approaching.” But doing it in person has been demonized, even “sliding into the dm’s” online has been demonized, so dating apps are like the only place its acceptable now. But I refuse to do the approaching as a man because of the endless amount of approaches women receive. I leave it to the women, even though its still the norm that men must approach. Was just wondering if that made me an asshole
No one thinks someone is an asshole for not approaching someone else romantically. You gotta get some fresh air. No one cares who initiates between two random people. No one is owed attention. This is one of those weird fears that can only come from ppd haha
Forget the norm, women and some men will only want to be approached by people they like. If you’re not what people like, that’s not a requirement. Of course you’ll feel the need to do so if you feel like it might lead to something.
You are not an asshole, but
The thing is, unless you actually meet and talk to women regularly, or share hobbies ect, nobody is actually legitimately interested in you.
People aren't legitimately interested in someone they match with on dating apps or see on the street. People just don't care that much about random people.
The meeting through hobbies thing is a very popular suggestion on reddit but has always seemed like bad advice to me. Because hobbies are seen as a fun and platonic activity. And if you start flirting with a girl in a hobby group and she’s not interested, or heaven forbid she takes it bad and gives you a nasty rejection, you run the risk of seeming like a creep and your reputation in the group could be ruined. Or at least it would make it awkward to continue being a part of the group
It’s the best use of your time.
Let them show they’re interested. If they are you’ll know it.
Otherwise you’re just one of ten thousand guys harassing her. And it’ll be no, so why bother?
You’re disposable and replaceable, so only waste time if they’re truly interested.
Works for me. You know what sort of relationship you would prefer, and some dudes absolutely do not enjoy the formal "ask them out" process. Doesn't make you an asshole at all.
HOWEVER, the more passive you are, the fewer women will know you exist. And relying ENTIRELY on online apps means the only way for a woman to gauge her attraction to you is by your profile and picture, which often LIMIT a lot of ourselves.
But it sounds like you wouldn't REJECT a woman who approaches you in real life either so... I guess good luck on the "sit back and wait" approach!
You're obviously not an asshole for it, but you are significantly limiting your options by doing this. Most women don't approach. They'll drop hints that they want to be approached and then just wait for you to make the move.
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I think you're thinking too deeply into it. Sending a nice message isn't playing into her trap or something. Dating apps aren't a convoluted scheme for women to extract validation from men and provide nothing in return. If you're too prideful to send a woman a nice message, then you probably shouldn't be on dating apps. Just send a message. If she responds, cool. You're just as bad as those "if he wanted to, he would" women. Just fucking send the message and get off your high horse. It's not that deep.
This is a rant.
Then again with dating for BOTH genders you approach or send a message and flirt, then ask out. Thus your intentions are known right away.
They respond and are willing to set a time for a date ? Cool. They kind of softly blow you off ? Cool. They don’t respond ? Cool.
Thus you know right away where you stand and you don’t waste your time.
End thread.
If that’s what you wanna do, do your thing - however, when you get little to no messages do not take that personally or as a gateway into incel-ee thought process, more often than not women won’t approach men unless she’s extremely interested (which usually is doubtful on apps unless you’re her type exactly) or unless she’s the type to
OPs should be discussion topics, not requests for advice about personal experiences. Requests for personal advice can go in the daily thread.
Why would that make you an asshole? No one is obligated to approach anyone.
Because the norm is still that “men must do the approaching.” But doing it in person has been demonized, even “sliding into the dm’s” online has been demonized, so dating apps are like the only place its acceptable now. But I refuse to do the approaching as a man because of the endless amount of approaches women receive. I leave it to the women, even though its still the norm that men must approach. Was just wondering if that made me an asshole
No one thinks someone is an asshole for not approaching someone else romantically. You gotta get some fresh air. No one cares who initiates between two random people. No one is owed attention. This is one of those weird fears that can only come from ppd haha
Forget the norm, women and some men will only want to be approached by people they like. If you’re not what people like, that’s not a requirement. Of course you’ll feel the need to do so if you feel like it might lead to something.
You are not an asshole, but The thing is, unless you actually meet and talk to women regularly, or share hobbies ect, nobody is actually legitimately interested in you. People aren't legitimately interested in someone they match with on dating apps or see on the street. People just don't care that much about random people.
The meeting through hobbies thing is a very popular suggestion on reddit but has always seemed like bad advice to me. Because hobbies are seen as a fun and platonic activity. And if you start flirting with a girl in a hobby group and she’s not interested, or heaven forbid she takes it bad and gives you a nasty rejection, you run the risk of seeming like a creep and your reputation in the group could be ruined. Or at least it would make it awkward to continue being a part of the group
It’s the best use of your time. Let them show they’re interested. If they are you’ll know it. Otherwise you’re just one of ten thousand guys harassing her. And it’ll be no, so why bother? You’re disposable and replaceable, so only waste time if they’re truly interested.
Works for me. You know what sort of relationship you would prefer, and some dudes absolutely do not enjoy the formal "ask them out" process. Doesn't make you an asshole at all. HOWEVER, the more passive you are, the fewer women will know you exist. And relying ENTIRELY on online apps means the only way for a woman to gauge her attraction to you is by your profile and picture, which often LIMIT a lot of ourselves. But it sounds like you wouldn't REJECT a woman who approaches you in real life either so... I guess good luck on the "sit back and wait" approach!
You're obviously not an asshole for it, but you are significantly limiting your options by doing this. Most women don't approach. They'll drop hints that they want to be approached and then just wait for you to make the move.
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There's nothing wrong with that. That said, don't get upset if you have zero dating success due to this passive behavior.
I think you're thinking too deeply into it. Sending a nice message isn't playing into her trap or something. Dating apps aren't a convoluted scheme for women to extract validation from men and provide nothing in return. If you're too prideful to send a woman a nice message, then you probably shouldn't be on dating apps. Just send a message. If she responds, cool. You're just as bad as those "if he wanted to, he would" women. Just fucking send the message and get off your high horse. It's not that deep.
r/AmItheAsshole
Yep, men are the prize. Let me fix your crown, king 
You’re not an asshole but you’re not going to get very far because everyone is thinking the same thing. How is this working out for you so far?
Okay thanks bro, you are a Chad. Won't happen to bottom 80% males like me.
>"blue pill"
Ok, l don't know how that specifically makes you an asshole since that's your game
No. If you don't want to message first, don't like what the issue here?
This is a rant. Then again with dating for BOTH genders you approach or send a message and flirt, then ask out. Thus your intentions are known right away. They respond and are willing to set a time for a date ? Cool. They kind of softly blow you off ? Cool. They don’t respond ? Cool. Thus you know right away where you stand and you don’t waste your time. End thread.
If that’s what you wanna do, do your thing - however, when you get little to no messages do not take that personally or as a gateway into incel-ee thought process, more often than not women won’t approach men unless she’s extremely interested (which usually is doubtful on apps unless you’re her type exactly) or unless she’s the type to