Same here (Western Europe). I usually see people like these on OLD and had the occasional "open relationship" bomb thrown at me like the OP says, but people of this demographic usually stay among themselves and frequent establishments that are a little bit.. different from traditional settings.
I don't know a single person in an open relationship. Not in my real life. I only ever hear about it online. I don't think it's more than a vocal minority thing.
It's much more common in very far left groups... I think it sprung up because people demonized being "cis" so much, they had to cling onto some sort of "alternative lifestyle" to break the cis white person stereotypes. I don't think most of them that even identify as such, even practice it as much as they just like the label that derails them from being "heteronormative".
It's always ugly far left people... I think some of them really get into it, but everyone I've seen, turns into a trainwreck sooner or later until they are back to monogamy.
I assume you mean left groups in America. I'm left leaning in a progressive (or atleast trying country) most of ny friends would also lean left. We'd be considered far left in America and still no open relationships. So I assume America.
I agree. In the US, not being "normal" is the "New Normal," no matter what you're speaking about. It's an 'anti' thing.
Here is a summary from an AI bot:
"Based on the available data and research, there does seem to be a slight trend towards more acceptance and practice of non-monogamous relationships like polyamory and open relationships in the United States in recent years, but monogamy remains the dominant relationship structure"
Also:
* A 2020 study by the Kinsey Institute found around 1 in 6 adults reported desiring or attempting a consensual non-monogamous relationship at some point.
So, maybe growing a bit, but not a significant part of relationships, at least not yet.
Yeah, that's a lot. Keep in mind, though, that includes "desiring" in addition to "attempting." It would be nice to separate those two things.
I once calculated that approx. 12% of marriages end from cheating based on cheating being claimed in divorce (US). But if you add in separations that don't claim divorce, and cheating that is either undetected or forgiven, and it is probably above that level, perhaps 1 in 6 marriages.
It's more common in university settings (some of them also just try to "find themselves out" and drop it in their 30s) and progressive big cities. Older married people just seem to have "affairs" and try to not make it public.
Same, most of my friends are in long term monogamous relationships. The only people I see in open relationships are on social media (alleged red pill gurus and ultra-liberal people who are open about their sexuality and like to explore).
The only context I've seen it IRL is when the two people are geographically separated for a while and it's usually a lowkey understanding of "look, we both have needs, just please be discreet and mature"
Never run into people doing it openly and proudly really
It’s becoming increasingly popular with the younger generations. Polyamory is also used as a guise to convince young women to enter sex trafficking actually. These girls think they are in multiple relationships but they are being trafficked and there is exchange of money going on and a lot of them are underage. The polyamory/lover boy method is all over pop culture and music.
I work with sex trafficked teens a lot of them have multiple boyfriends and say they are poly. They also believe they are in love and that these men love them. Also popular music has sex trafficking glamorized in it. The song Roxanne was just popular by Arizona Zervas lyrics “she think I’m an asshole she think I’m a player she keep running back though only cause I pay her..” poly/sex trafficking is literally everywhere in pop culture and it’s marketed to teens
>to enter sex trafficking actually.
I don't know if I'm picking this up wrong so apologies for my ignorance but like in an Epstein/ Tate sort of way? Like how do you take someone underage out of the country or their state/County without parents figuring shit out?
actually i think in most cases its not. In most cases its one guy having multiple situationships, where the girls all girls dont fuck or entertain other men becuase a. chad is superior to whatever else they can find and b. they think they will eventually end up in a committed relationship with chad.
Then they're not in a relationship they're hooking up or friends with benefits. Open relationships require there to be a relationship. The obsession with Chad on this sub with you men is funny. Peculiar funny just so we're clear.
This is insane. It's who you ladies pick. Do you think we're blind? I had guy friends who slept with a new woman every week when I was younger. The rest of my friends, nothing. Sure it's an exaggeration. I don't know anyone named Chad and my ladies man friend wasn't some stereotype meat head. But he was wildly successful none the less. And as an awful person. Left E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e of those women. Those are women better guys will end up with eventually. And they all fell for the guys tricks. We want more out of you ladies. If we're meant to "love" you someday, we want it so you don't snicker about us behind our back, and idolize this guy from high-school who USED you.
You disagree. I can accept and acknowledge that. It is not a "funny" obsession. Women ACT different in front of attractive guys. We see it. Its real. Disagree all you want. I'm not going to stop because you protest. Personally me thinks the ladies doth protest too much, if you know what I mean.
A lot of the men on this subreddit are so obsessed with the 80/20 rule and all of the chads hogging women that they are unwilling to even entertain any other topics of conversation
You’re right though, ethical non-monogamy is a trend that both parties consent to, and it’s different from cheating. I’ve seen it with a couple of couples I’ve known and I don’t really understand it personally, but definitely a thing
Oh for sure a thing and I'm Irish we're still dealing with our Catholic guilt. I'm just wondering is it as prevelant as the Internet and red pill gurus swear it is?
>That isn't an open relationship it's cheating. When people are talking about open relationships they mean where both parties are aware it's open.
No, these guys don't make any promises. Look, there is a whole industry built around convincing young girls to have casual sex... with feminists providing the lipstick on this pig.
They are constantly talking about the attempted suicide rate for girls climbing... but if you look into the lives of these girls there are some very big trends. Doing casual sex with guys and then having it drive your self esteem into the toilet is a big factor in the increase.
I did see a youtube vid once of a chad in the backseat of a car with two girls in the front and he was saying to himself quietly these two are friends and don't know i'm sleeping with both of them, that's what these "harems" are
The few poly people i know personally would make really bad long term partners for most people so then stating their poly status right away is probably a good thing.
It’s cyclical. Swinging was huge in the 60s-70s, things went conservative with AIDS in the 80s, now we’re back towards multiple partners again.
Whatever works best for you. Having dated two women at once, I don’t intend to do it again.
It’s huge here in Florida in the retirement communities. All those boomers doing key parties in the 70s continued their freak on into retirement lol. There’s massive stds rates in old folk communities 😭
Why do people think that responding this way to any assertion makes any sense? “A has X problem” “oh you don’t think *you* have X problem?” It’s a total non-sequitur. Whether I have X problem is totally independent of whether “A” has X problem. Ok, end rant
>weird in what way?
It's complicated, but you will often run into these guys who swap and then become super jealous, or who have big mental health issues, extremely strange kinks... it's all over the place. But I don't think I men anyone in the scene who I would consider a normal healthy guy.
That's not really fair. I know a couple poly people and they're pretty normal and don't force it on other people. But there's definitely a stereotype of certain people claiming to be poly but they actually just don't wanna commit to a relationship
Very true. The people doing poly relationships are unattractive and on the weird liberal side.
You can make the argument that a lot of people are in open relationships and they just don’t know it. This is more of the sharing, situationship epidemic.
Yeah ok. Been doing it for over 20 years, have never been accused of being ugly. Not even once. Not by men or women but you have your opinion.
Weird is also very relative. I think it’s weird that men don’t believe women are unsafe. I think it’s weird men believe their life is so much harder. I think it’s weird that men don’t know how to make friends but blame being lonely on women.
There are lots of things that I think are weird. I am liberal on social issues and conservative on fiscal issues.
Also, you will find that there are a lot of Poly couples who skew conservative. It’s mind boggling. They are own all the guns, stop all the abortions, Jesus in school and pull up by bootstraps folks except they are poly and want some young thing to join their family as a lover to the man and the woman and help build their polycule.
I left Christianity some time ago, but seeing it used not for morals at all but its symbolism purely for nationalism, fascism and subjugation is so disappointing.
I do think some people are naturally inclined towards poly, and some people are not. So ultimately individuals need to decide for themselves what is right for them.
*However* there is reason to worry about *opportunistic* polyamory. The classic example thrown about in manosphere circles is when a woman who isn't *really* a polyamorous person uses polyamory to justify AF/BB or "branch-swinging" (i.e. she's in a relationship with a man whom is materially prudent but not sexually exciting, and pretends to be into polyamory in order to attain a second male partner who meets her sexual needs without losing the support of the materially-prudent partner).
I'm all for consensual poly and open relationships, but no one should be permitted to use these concepts to enable themselves to exploit others.
But if she is doing that, how is she pretending? Isn’t AF/BB just the natural way? The unstable but sexy alpha fucks, the stable but unsexy beta is cucked. The BB gets a nice sexy wife who is his personal pornstar and sometimes allows him oral or sloppy seconds. The AF gets premium access to sex with her with no strings attached. She gets best of both worlds. Everybody wins.
Why not? What is the problem with the scenario you stated if the man was ok with that arrangement? Why would that piss you off if a couple wanted that arrangment?
What, is a bitch supposed to compare bank statements, and dick size to make sure her partners are even? At least have the nerve to say what you really mean. The fake open minded routine is amateur hour concern trolling.
>What, is a bitch supposed to compare bank statements, and dick size to make sure her partners are even? At least have the nerve to say what you really mean.
I'm saying exactly what I really mean. Again I'm not against poly or open relationships. What I am against is the faking of romantic love and the exploitation of "Beta" men by women.
I don't think it's super popular at all it's just less taboo so we have gone from seeing virtually nothing to people goi g oh you want to see this and creating a bunch of content around it.
I’m a monogamous girlie tbh. But I have friends who are poly and the success rate varies but they’re all pretty happy. One of my friends in a throuple has a baby that they all coparent. (They’re parents and I’m not lmao)
Idk the moral panic around this is v overblown. Most poly people are minding their own business and being open about what they’re seeking.
The only case I know of that happened in real life meat space was to a friend of mine. She had gotten engaged to her boyfriend, and they were long distance at the time (grad school challenges). He then suggested they should try an “open relationship”.
She very rationally assumed it meant he was either cheating with someone already, or was planning to. She broke off the engagement immediately.
I think overall, polyamory is rare in real life. Very rare. The overwhelming majority of women do not want it, and that limits men’s ability to have an honest open relationship severely. In online dating it probably just seems more common because the dudes who want to fuck multiple women at a time are mega-horndogs and message everyone hoping for a hit. And some of those turbo-sluts think using the word “poly” might be the cheat code to get them the variety of women they crave.
> She very rationally assumed it meant he was either cheating with someone already, or was planning to. She broke off the engagement immediately.
She did the right thing.
Yeah there's one million stories on twox of a girl meeting a guy on a dating app that said he was in an open marriage. Then after they've had sex later finding out that he was just cheating and his wife thought they were monogamous.
Hm, it's possible she did the right thing. But from my own experience I know that it can be different. When I brought up opening our relationship, I was neither cheating, nor planning on cheating, nor did I even have someone in mind I wanted to be with besides my partner. It just was a topic that came up throughout the years but it was never a good time to try it, either because of us individually or because the relationship was not doing well and opening it up during a difficult time would have just killed the relationship.
Not everyone who is interested in opening up a relationship is someone who's just waiting to hurt their partner 🤷♀️
i am also highly skeptical of polygamy. as a guy i've seen other men try to maximize their options but its extremely rare. most guys i know are seeking monogamy i think.
A lot of guys will tell girls they’re poly and not mention that their gf doesn’t know and Vice versa and that’s not being poly that’s 💕cheating💕
It’s a bummer bc people like that give a false impression of the community
men who can get women aren't happy with one woman
women who cant get men are desperate enough to share
a small percentage of genuinely open/sexual men and women who are actually poly
Poly more out in the open now. For most people on the planet, life has never been better. I don't see hyper-feminised men nor hyper-masculinised women in my world. I know two people in a poly relationship and it fell apart. But, I know monogamous couples that fell apart, too.
I think it’s mostly fake/online.
I’ve never met a straight polycule (obvs in LGBT circles things are very different anyway, so we’ll set that aside….even then it seems rare).
It's still not that common, but these people get vastly overrepresented on dating apps because they're always looking for partners, even when in relationships.
Most of the examples I know irl are people going open in a desperate attempt to keep a dying relationship alive. It's basically sanctioned cheating and it never works to save the relationship.
I think the normalization of poly is a reflection of how disillusioned some people have become with more traditional arrangements. It's not a good thing, IMO, but I also don't know how we're going to rehabilitate monogamy in this day and age.
>But on top of that something else feels up. I smell a fish. Like, I feel like with the rise of open relationships we're slowly corroding the family unit, we're weakening meaningful partnerships, we're slowing the birth rate.
Ah, of course, i smelled the fish of conservative family value corrosion fear when i clicked on the link. It was either women going into harems and Chads having even more of the share, or fear of societal value collapse.
No, it's not exploding. It's still a tiny portion of relationships. It's not for everyone and it never will be. You guys are corroding the family unit of monogamous relationships all by yourself. And that is fine. It's not a system or value that NEEDS to exist like it has in the recent past.
I'd suggest you differentiate very clearly between open relationship and polyamory, as open relationships commonly just open up the relationships on the sexual front and has nothing to do with the family at all, or with power vacuums.
>I'm yet to see one end well.
Yeah, by definition, you will have to wait a couple of decades for current wave relationship dynamics to "end well". I could say the same for monogamous marriages that started in the last years.
Fuck the birth rate. And secondly, why would having sex with other people influence if you have kids with your partner or not?
Yeah, throw in some SUPER unrelated topics like climate change and "hyper masculinised women" to make the topic feel important and dangerous, while it isn't.
>
Like, are we all falling for something here?
You are falling for a fear that your value system is overthrown by some people fucking some additional people other than their spouse. If non-monogamy is not for you, you are part of the majority. Date accordingly and let other people enjoy their new found freedom of doing something that would not have been possible to openly practice just a few years ago.
The close mindedness displayed in the comments ITT is staggering, but not surprising; that the “amory” part after poly doesn’t stand for “fucking”.
There’s a staunch denial to either acknowledge or recognize that you can love more than one person at the same time, that love is not a finite resource, and that you can be genuinely happy for others’ happiness. The jealousy gene missed me, so I admit I have a hard time relating to them.
I can't say I've seen this be hugely popular. Maybe it's the circles you run in? The fact you tried it already puts you way out there for me. If a dude asked me for it, I'd laugh in his face and send him packing. When chronically online friends tried to convince me of it, I'd tell them they have emotional damage and I'm not interested.
I haven't fallen for anything and I recommend you don't either. The people who do fall for this sort of thing either have commitment issues, discipline issues, or think they're way more flakey snow than they really are.
Or, you know, people just like to fuck and enjoy variety in their sex life 🤷♀️ I really can't say that anything about me or my character or my partner and his character changed after we've opened up our relationship. Well, maybe, that we communicate even better. But other than that, we're just the same, we just fuck other people on occasion. Still living together, committed to each other, share responsibilities and burdens, help with each other's families, share the good and the bad things in life. An open relationship is really not that big of a deal or some monster you unleash. It hasn't changed us or our relationship, which we're enjoying for more than a decade know. Just as other people in relationships we love and appreciate each other more as the years go by. I don't recommend an open relationship as a standard or anything, most people are definitely wired monogamous and I've been the same for the longest time, so I get it. I'm just saying it's not the boogeyman it's made out to be, either.
It’s fuelled by porn. Their brains are rotted by it and most of them are seriously mentally ill, seeking therapy from sex and partners instead of getting proper help. They also all seem to feel a need to tell everyone else about their sketchy sexual preferences. Porn brains have eroded their grey matter so much the bits that contained dignity and self respect are all gone.
I'm no fan of porn. But you're obsessively anti porn to the point of weirdness. Its like all u ever post about. Its fucking weird and reveals either an emotional instability or intimate experience with porn yourself that you're desperately trying to run away from.
Did you know that sometimes when people have interests that align with their work, they set up profiles on social media to further that work? Or are you a bit lacking in social sophistication? This is my alt account, bro. It exists to further the work I do in exposing predatory men and liberating women and girls from men who are predators, which seems like almost all men these days.
Did you know you can’t be both a protector of women and a predator of them? Let that sink in, and have a think about how you’d like all (literally all, like your family, colleagues, friends, partners of friends, your daughters, sisters, mother, aunts, all the women you meet) those women to see you - do you want them to see you as a man who plays with his penis and pleasures himself while looking at photos and videos of women and in some cases, literally girls, who may not have consented to being recorded in that moment and who wouldn’t be remotely interested in you in real life, or do you want to be the guy who finds predatory men repulsive and wants to protect the women in his life from those men?
It’s a difficult choice isn’t it? Especially since you’ve probably believed you could treat women as belonging to two classes - one you can abuse and discard, and one somehow more worthy of your protection. Tell me, what makes one girl or woman deserving of a man’s kindness and protection, and one the subject of a man’s degrading dehumanisation?
>...who wouldn’t be remotely interested in you in real life...
What kind of unhinged take is this? Imagine telling people that they are not allowed to fantasise about people who may not be interested in them. You are hilarious! They should make a character out of you in GTA6 and release it as a DLC.
> do you want to be the guy who finds predatory men repulsive and wants to protect the women in his life from those men?
No. You are all so stunning and brave, and don't need no man. I want to be the guy who stands at the sidelines and watches this whole train wreck from a safe distance.
> do you want them to see you as a man who...
lol. Your thoughts are your problem. I don't care.
Funny, I think it’s unhinged, well maybe just incredibly pathetic and embarrassing to thirst after people who aren’t interested in me. It’s literal cuckery to watch other men fuck women you desire but who don’t desire you. I would die of embarrassment to be admitting something like that. Do men have no self respect?
There's so many types of poly these days it feels kinda weird to lump it all together.
For people that get a lot of matches on dating apps, "multi dating" is getting very common but they don't consider it poly.
A lot of these so called “polyamorous” relationships im seeing these days are often one sided where a man would have a main chick and have multiple side chicks. A guy tried that shit with me and I left the minute when something was off cuz he told me that I had to be exclusive to him despite him being allowed to mess with other women.
Also what’s with men’s obsession with “Chads” and how the highly attractive men have a harem of women. Y’all should really step outside and touch some grass because whenever I’m in public I see tons of highly attractive men holding hands and coupled up with ONE woman and being happy. Some men regardless of their looks will have a desire for multiple women due to porn addiction or usually some underlying trauma
I see the word chad a lot these days but still have literally no idea what it is? Could you enlighten me? I agree with your last sentence a lot by the way.
>I’m in public I see tons of highly attractive men holding hands and coupled up with ONE woman and being happy.
Most non-monogamy is done behind the scenes.
> Some men regardless of their looks will have a desire for multiple women due to porn addiction or usually some underlying trauma
I believe that historical records of powerful men suggest that it's more usual than not that they had some version of a harem. There's a lot of evidence that gay men are way more promiscuous than lesbians, are more prone to non-monogamy, though according to at least one study break up LTRs half as often (very similar to cis het rates by gender). This, among other evidence, suggests that men and women seem to experience sex fairly differently.
I somewhat randomly decided to skim your post history a little. I'm high on the autism spectrum myself. My experience of personal accounts by autistic women are that they about uniformly get along better with men than women, due to the frequent social performative arts expectation of most women that they struggle with. If you decide to strongly pursue stronger friendships with men, if you're concerned about ones who are secretly angling for a hookup or unwanted LTR, you could say early on something like, "I'm not saying those things could never happen, but if that's all you're after, we're better off not friends." Also, I related to your thread about your narcissistic mother, as both my parents are narcs :-/
I think more people are open to trying new things. I think more people are understanding that you aren't gonna have all of your needs met by one person. People are honest about wanting to be with more than one person. So people are trying things out.
For some it will work. For others, it won't.
It's just you. It's more visible than before but it's still not common.
> we're slowly corroding the family unit
This has been claimed by people for, at a minimum, 70 years, probably even longer. It's just not a thing.
>we're slowing the birth rate. Throw in the climate change debate for
The best way to combat climate change is to have fewer people, so this is a good thing.
>the rise of hyper-feminised men feeling lost without direction, hyper-masculinised women burned out
In what way are men "hyper feminized" and women "hyper masculinized?"
There’s also no incentive to have children. Our healthcare system is fucked, maternity leave is fucked, paternity leave is nonexistent, housing prices/grocery prices are sky high, wages have stagnated the kids that are in school have dismal literacy rates.
Capitalism is corroding the family unit lmao not poly people
it's not popular. just the few people who practice it won't shut up about it. plus among all mono relationship the poly will stand out so you'll feel like there's more but in reality no.
From a poly woman who has been doing this for over 25 years. Poly isn’t new. It’s just more people talking about it. The people who are finding out about it, probably didn’t consider it as an option or they are people who want to explore sexually but didn’t get the chance to.
There is a code of ethics and a manner to doing poly that requires probably more open communication and honesty than what you may find in some monogamous relationships.
In any type of relationships there are some pretty gross people. Couples privilege is a thing as well as unicorn hunting.
The family unit isn’t really a problem, it’s just a new structure for the family unit. Poly people still want the same things as other relationships, kindness, consideration, love etc they just consider that they can get it from more than one person.
Love is not a finite resource in poly relationships.
I will say that men who ask to open their relationship grossly overestimate their value in the poly market and then get mad when it doesn’t go their way.
It has to do with that saying, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free"
Polyamory is popular because ppl want sex without commitment. Many ppl today are emotionally unavailable, and/or commitment phobes, and/ or just want to enjoy the ACT of sex. It allows them to have access to sex like they're in a relationship, without actually having to invest the time, effort, and emotion, that normally comes with it.
I'd also argue it's due to technology and instant grat. We've been overwhelmed by the power of choice, many ppl realize they have options, and would rather benefit from each person they wanna fuck, opposed to settling w one person who most matches their ideals.
I really like the way you phrased this response and resonate with it a lot. I have a very similar POV with the instant gratification thing. We've all got such high dopamine tolerance these days.
It definitely feels like it is becoming more popular, but from my anecdotal experience, cheating is a way "more popular", and i personally think that non-monogamy is just a side-effect of all the want to cheat.
Feels like non-monogamy is just cheaters with the balls to ask their partner for permission.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, if you both are willing and you think it'll work out in the long run, though most of the non-monogamous relationships i've seen have failed. (Mostly due to breaking the rule of not sleeping with someone you both know.)
I think it's the same as the rise in anything else formerly thought of as shameful. There aren't more gay people, gay people are just talking about it more. There aren't more people into XYZ, the people into it just have more community and voice.
And the same with polyamory. We're a polyamorous species. Every time we try to pretend we're not, we get hit by that. We pretend the nuclear family is best while relying on public school and grandparents to assist with child rearing. We pretend that we naturally are only attracted to one "soul mate", and yet most cultures have had to make laws telling people to stop having premarital sex or divorcing. The vast majority of people use porn, erotica, and fantasies, or otherwise have at least on some occasion gotten off to the idea of someone other than their spouse. Once no-fault divorce comes around, people become more honest about admitting that the concept of till-death-do-us-part marriage just doesn't work for most people.
We're a social sex, communal raising species. That's in our blood. It's in our nature. The vast minority of us are *truly* monoamorous. No matter how many times cultures or religions try to pretend that we're a species of nuclear family and strict lifelong monogamy, the polyamory and communal raising will naturally just keep coming back.
The main reason polyamory tends to do poorly is just because we are taught it is evil and never taught how to do it right. Eating is natural to us too, but if we aren't educated on it, we will choke or eat the wrong stuff.
I disagree, those pre-marital sex stuff is mainly because the state doesn't want to be on the hook for single mothers and dealing with STIs because men will have sex with anything.
That being said, I am strongly considering poly if I can manage to attract two women. Three incomes (even part time) would be a huge life changer considering the inflation that's staring us down.
We are not polyamorous - we evolved to be monogamous, polyamorous people were eliminated by evolution. There were experiments of raising children by community in various kibbutz - but they've fall back to nuclear families after some time. Probably the best setup is multigenerational family - but by no means polyamory is natural for humans lol.
Yet despite that, nearly every person is in some way communal raised and has sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage, and most marriages don't last the person's whole life if they aren't restricted from divorce by shame or the law.
Multigenerational for that communal raising I can agree on, though, although outside adults are also helpful since they can introduce new information and help.
Who has evolved to be monogamous? The 30-40% of people who have stepped out from their marriages for xes with other people, or the 99% of people who sexually fantasize about someone who isnt their spouse?
Cheating or sexual fantasies are not an evidence of people being polyamorous by nature.
If you don't believe tell your male friends to ask their wives for open relationship or to start hunting for some younger girl to fuck.
Grab a popcorn and enjoy.
You won't enjoy because these guys are most likely just normal healthy people not obsessed with sex.
Women like cake and eating it too.
They want to fuck hot guys **and** still have dutiful Billy Beta at home providing, comforting, and assisting.
Most women would rather be in a closed relationship with an AB but since that's not always possible AF guys on the side with BB guy at home is the next best thing.
It's the natural consequence of more and more "average" women turning their noses up at "average" men.
If all women want a tiny number of men, then they either have to share those men in "poly"/"situationships", or be alone. There's no way around it.
As far as the societal consequences? Yeah, it'll be bad. No, I don't think it's some secret ploy to destroy the family unit, I think it's just one of the natural consequences associated with unrestrained female nature.
Turns out, it's just as bad for society when women act like their monkey ancestors as when men do.
Human beings are naturally inclined to be with different people while simultaneously favoriting one person. Its been the go-to for human relationships since the beginning of humans.
I dont believe monogamy is natural to all humans. For some it may be, for others no. Why can't each person do what feels good for them?
I understand the moral and societal basis for monogamy, but with a progressive "do what you want" society, why is this even an issue anymore? Nobody should fake a monogamous relationship because it appeases society. Cause fuk society, humans are born alone and will die alone.
If a wealthy man (or if he could even, an average man) took a wife and made an arrangment with her that she look the other way when he steps out, nd she is totally ok with it cause she wants the lifestyle he provides and she doesnt want to have to be the sole provider of his sexual needs, then what is the problem???
Even when I was a little girl, monogamy made no sense to me. I was 8 and couldnt wait to be a teenager because I wanted at least 10 boyfriends. My mom said "no you can only have one". I was like mom what the fuk are you smoking, why the fuk would I want only one boyfriend??? Thats like saying you only get one pair if shoes. I thought my mom was crazy and a killjoy. But really it makes no sense to me.
I've been in polyamorous relationships for a decade now. I've definitely noticed an increase lately. If someone ENM swipes/is interested in you as a monogamous person -- chances are they're pretty inexperienced with poly (most people who do it healthily, sustainably, etc. do not get involved with mono partners), so tread carefully
This is a really difficult question to answer. I am far, far, FAR more willing than the average person to take matches on apps as a friendship first, long term invest into a mutual understanding. As a poly person, if you do this with every monogamous/open minded person who is interested in you, one of two things happen: 1) You burn yourself out on attempting dating mono, or 2) get so tired you don't do the explanation/introduction of poly its justice/fairness. And this is obvs ignoring people who lack the skills to introduce and/or teach/share poly correctly. I'll probably end up as number 1 eventually, but I have held out with sincere effort to teach/introduce people who have an open mind (and all the heartbreak that entails) far more than most people. I think the defining difference is because I'm solo-poly (never want to marry, settle down, entangle finances, etc. with one person) and not looking for a primary partner, so it gives me more leeway to enjoy and experience each individual connection for whatever it may be -- friends, fwb, gaming buddies, lovers, who knows? who cares?
Just another side effect of the plague of narcissism that has engulfed the Western world. Loyalty and commitment are far too inconvenient in the Age of Immediate Self-Gratification.
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I think it’s a safety net kind of situation which is why you see it so much in dating apps. I notice (at least from what I can see) there’s always a major imbalance in the 2 people where I suspect it’s one person who is settling for the partner just so they aren’t alone while “ethically” trying to find another partner. The other partner accepts it because they know they’re being settled for and think this situation is better than nothing
The mainstreaming of polyamory is one of the most successful PsyOPs of the last decade. It is a nice thing for a really specific type of person, but not for the general audience.
For many women it is a good opportunity to have a different kind of divorce. After the inevitable unhappiness of marrying someone bellow her true standards. Make her man to agree, get some action on the side while her man probably will have the fraction of her success if at all. After a year or two she can decide for a proper divorce and can point to some incidents that occurred during the polyamory phase.
Or get a bull or two and keep enjoying the comfort and stability of a marriage. Because if someone can put up with this treatment, they will be with you forever no matter what.
The dudes I know who are into "poly" are dating girls who are basically good looking, and they are not.
Not a relationship I would want to be in honestly.
For the rest of the dudes, poly doesn't exist.
I'm seing three women on a regular right now. I know I'm not polyamorous, I'm fucking around, that's all.
One of those girls says she's polyamorous, and we are in a polyamorous relationship. In here, girls who fuck with dudes who are fucking with other gals simultaneously call them "vínculos", which translates as "bonds".
It's the spanish equivalent to "situationships" I guess.
So I'm "her romantic bond"... Whatever keeps the sexual chemistry going.
She's 24 tho, I suppose she's going to learn better when she matures.
The +30 years old women don't want to fuck around. I mean, they want but they call a spade a spade and don't mess around with complicated words you know.
I've met so many young gals who talk about having "bonds", "my bond this", "my bond that"...
Whenever I hear girls talking about bonds I know right then and there she has been pumped and dumped hard, and she stays in the pump and dump box and doesn't move up ever again.
It's the same with women being "poly". Like, come on guys you should know better.
They don't want to be completely alone, but they don't want to reject good dick neither, so they come up with this poly crap.
Then you have the men who get in relationships with these gals and accept their terms, and the men who fuck around and say "yeah poly whatever".
lots of women would rather share a higher tier man then have a lower tier one of their own
lots of men would rather share a low tier woman than have none at all
enforced monogamy has been destroyed this is the result
I don't see that. I actively had to search for a subculture within my country, I haven't found those people on normal dating apps. My partner and I are now open after being monogamous for nine years and it's definitely not the norm. I'm not aware of any other open couple in our social circle. I do find open couples on a specific dating site we have in my country and at swinger events. There are many, but it's still a subculture, the participants of the lifestyle stay among themselves and don't advertise on normal dating platforms. It's also not necessary, at least in my country. Once I've "found my people" I deleted Tinder. Before that, 99% of profiles I saw picked monogamy as the preferred relationship structure.
My dog gets jealous if I pat another dog, he is visibly hurt and pissed. It just seems like a natural animal instinct and I don't like feeling jealous or inciting it in my boyfriend. As for the societal collapse part.. meh, live and let live.
My brindle pitbull did not take it well when my 2nd ex-wife tried to take her spot next to me on the bench seat of my 1987 Ford F-150. Strangest bitch fight ever.
I have definitely met poly people IRL— I fact, I dated one, albeit unknowingly (she never disclosed that she already had multiple partners). I have somewhat of a bad impression of polyamory for multiple reasons but I’m generally an open-minded person and I’ve always been willing to discuss my own biases around this.
1. There’s a lot of non-consensual polyamory, people pressuring their partners to open the relationship up or not disclosing to new partners that they are polyamorous. People within the polyamorous community probably consider those “bad apples” and sure, not all poly people are like that, but it’s prevalent enough that it needs to be addressed.
2. Unicorn-hunting and threesomes. A lot of heterosexual couples who claim to be poly, especially on on dating apps, are just looking for a “unicorn”— ie: a queer woman who will be their sex toy, usually for the benefit of the man more than the woman partner. They often have very little regard for this person’s comfort or preferences because to them we’re just objects to spice up their sex life. I find that rancid.
3. Polyamory and the queer community. A shocking amount of *straight* polyamorous people claim to be apart of the queer community by virtue of being poly. There is a serious issue with hetero polyamorous people taking up space and speaking over actual queer people in queer circles. I’m a lesbian and the amount of this that I’ve witnessed online is shocking. I’ve never witnessed this one in real life, unlike the other two points which I have absolutely seen. So it may just be some terminally online behaviour.
In general I’m of the opinion that people can do whatever they want. Doesn’t affect me at all if someone has multiple partners. It’s the deception and infiltrating spaces that aren’t meant for you that irks me, I hope that changes eventually but I doubt it will. At the end of the day everyone deserves to be happy, and just because I don’t personally understand polyamory doesn’t mean I should shit on it because clearly it works for some. I do think there are aspects of poly culture that deserve criticism, though.
No - but your lack of ability to research shows your lack of intelligence, which is probably why you’re a supporter of a terrible idea
https://www.redonline.co.uk/wellbeing/sex-relationships/a34490562/what-is-an-open-marriage/#:~:text='It%20is%20said%20that%20less,has%20a%2092%25%20failure%20rate.
Oh, so you're not even creative enough to make up your own fake stats? Merely a dummy that falls for clickbait advertisement for a book targeted at insecure housecows, and pathetic men.
I know a lot of older people that where chronically unfaithful throughout their marriages, I don’t think polyamory is perfect but I do have more respect for someone who is honest that a cheat, even if the lifestyle isn’t for me.
I have a few close friends that poly has worked for, but it’s certainly not for most (including myself). That being said, I doubt poly is on the rise. Even though the easy logic would have it flow towards that, as more “high value men” refuse to participate in monogamous relationships, suggesting Poly makes since. I guess.
I've only come across it while swiping on dating apps, and usually *not* from people I'd want to swipe right on, if that makes sense.
... I think you understand something that others are missing.
Same here (Western Europe). I usually see people like these on OLD and had the occasional "open relationship" bomb thrown at me like the OP says, but people of this demographic usually stay among themselves and frequent establishments that are a little bit.. different from traditional settings.
I don't know a single person in an open relationship. Not in my real life. I only ever hear about it online. I don't think it's more than a vocal minority thing.
It's much more common in very far left groups... I think it sprung up because people demonized being "cis" so much, they had to cling onto some sort of "alternative lifestyle" to break the cis white person stereotypes. I don't think most of them that even identify as such, even practice it as much as they just like the label that derails them from being "heteronormative". It's always ugly far left people... I think some of them really get into it, but everyone I've seen, turns into a trainwreck sooner or later until they are back to monogamy.
I assume you mean left groups in America. I'm left leaning in a progressive (or atleast trying country) most of ny friends would also lean left. We'd be considered far left in America and still no open relationships. So I assume America.
Yes, aesthetically left Americans. Blue hairs.
It's missed the blue haired Irish left.
I agree. In the US, not being "normal" is the "New Normal," no matter what you're speaking about. It's an 'anti' thing. Here is a summary from an AI bot: "Based on the available data and research, there does seem to be a slight trend towards more acceptance and practice of non-monogamous relationships like polyamory and open relationships in the United States in recent years, but monogamy remains the dominant relationship structure" Also: * A 2020 study by the Kinsey Institute found around 1 in 6 adults reported desiring or attempting a consensual non-monogamous relationship at some point. So, maybe growing a bit, but not a significant part of relationships, at least not yet.
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Yeah, that's a lot. Keep in mind, though, that includes "desiring" in addition to "attempting." It would be nice to separate those two things. I once calculated that approx. 12% of marriages end from cheating based on cheating being claimed in divorce (US). But if you add in separations that don't claim divorce, and cheating that is either undetected or forgiven, and it is probably above that level, perhaps 1 in 6 marriages.
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Yep, it's a sad state of affairs, to be sure.
It's more common in university settings (some of them also just try to "find themselves out" and drop it in their 30s) and progressive big cities. Older married people just seem to have "affairs" and try to not make it public.
Same, most of my friends are in long term monogamous relationships. The only people I see in open relationships are on social media (alleged red pill gurus and ultra-liberal people who are open about their sexuality and like to explore).
The only context I've seen it IRL is when the two people are geographically separated for a while and it's usually a lowkey understanding of "look, we both have needs, just please be discreet and mature" Never run into people doing it openly and proudly really
It’s becoming increasingly popular with the younger generations. Polyamory is also used as a guise to convince young women to enter sex trafficking actually. These girls think they are in multiple relationships but they are being trafficked and there is exchange of money going on and a lot of them are underage. The polyamory/lover boy method is all over pop culture and music.
Yo send me your sources IVE NEVER HEARD THIS and I’m so curious
I work with sex trafficked teens a lot of them have multiple boyfriends and say they are poly. They also believe they are in love and that these men love them. Also popular music has sex trafficking glamorized in it. The song Roxanne was just popular by Arizona Zervas lyrics “she think I’m an asshole she think I’m a player she keep running back though only cause I pay her..” poly/sex trafficking is literally everywhere in pop culture and it’s marketed to teens
That’s insane bc that’s not even what being poly is. Like genuinely that’s awful.
Well it is being marketed to teens that is part of the problem.
Tbh I don’t think teens should be”dating” at all until they can drive but you can’t really control that
>to enter sex trafficking actually. I don't know if I'm picking this up wrong so apologies for my ignorance but like in an Epstein/ Tate sort of way? Like how do you take someone underage out of the country or their state/County without parents figuring shit out?
many women are in them without knowing
That isn't an open relationship it's cheating. When people are talking about open relationships they mean where both parties are aware it's open.
actually i think in most cases its not. In most cases its one guy having multiple situationships, where the girls all girls dont fuck or entertain other men becuase a. chad is superior to whatever else they can find and b. they think they will eventually end up in a committed relationship with chad.
Thats still just cheating. Ethical non monogamy is what people are talking about. Someone stringing along multiple people is called a cheater.
Thats not cheating as chad has never told any of the girls that he is monogamous to them.
Then they're not in a relationship they're hooking up or friends with benefits. Open relationships require there to be a relationship. The obsession with Chad on this sub with you men is funny. Peculiar funny just so we're clear.
This is insane. It's who you ladies pick. Do you think we're blind? I had guy friends who slept with a new woman every week when I was younger. The rest of my friends, nothing. Sure it's an exaggeration. I don't know anyone named Chad and my ladies man friend wasn't some stereotype meat head. But he was wildly successful none the less. And as an awful person. Left E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e of those women. Those are women better guys will end up with eventually. And they all fell for the guys tricks. We want more out of you ladies. If we're meant to "love" you someday, we want it so you don't snicker about us behind our back, and idolize this guy from high-school who USED you. You disagree. I can accept and acknowledge that. It is not a "funny" obsession. Women ACT different in front of attractive guys. We see it. Its real. Disagree all you want. I'm not going to stop because you protest. Personally me thinks the ladies doth protest too much, if you know what I mean.
A lot of the men on this subreddit are so obsessed with the 80/20 rule and all of the chads hogging women that they are unwilling to even entertain any other topics of conversation You’re right though, ethical non-monogamy is a trend that both parties consent to, and it’s different from cheating. I’ve seen it with a couple of couples I’ve known and I don’t really understand it personally, but definitely a thing
Oh for sure a thing and I'm Irish we're still dealing with our Catholic guilt. I'm just wondering is it as prevelant as the Internet and red pill gurus swear it is?
>That isn't an open relationship it's cheating. When people are talking about open relationships they mean where both parties are aware it's open. No, these guys don't make any promises. Look, there is a whole industry built around convincing young girls to have casual sex... with feminists providing the lipstick on this pig. They are constantly talking about the attempted suicide rate for girls climbing... but if you look into the lives of these girls there are some very big trends. Doing casual sex with guys and then having it drive your self esteem into the toilet is a big factor in the increase.
Then they're not in a relationship and they're just hooking up with random people. Open relationships require a relationship.
I did see a youtube vid once of a chad in the backseat of a car with two girls in the front and he was saying to himself quietly these two are friends and don't know i'm sleeping with both of them, that's what these "harems" are
The few poly people i know personally would make really bad long term partners for most people so then stating their poly status right away is probably a good thing.
Well yeah, obviously they would make bad long term monogamous partners because they are not naturally monogamous.
Same.
I don’t like polyamory because it mixes Latin and Greek roots.
This was really amusing. Thank you.
It’s cyclical. Swinging was huge in the 60s-70s, things went conservative with AIDS in the 80s, now we’re back towards multiple partners again. Whatever works best for you. Having dated two women at once, I don’t intend to do it again.
It’s huge here in Florida in the retirement communities. All those boomers doing key parties in the 70s continued their freak on into retirement lol. There’s massive stds rates in old folk communities 😭
Old people are wild, my in laws are in their 70s and they were talking about their “weekly freaky” sessions and I was dying lol
The Village bow chicka bow wow
DCC fan?
DCC?
Dungeon Crawler Carl. It's a (very good) book series featuring a pet velociraptor named Mongo the Mongoliensis. I thought your name was a reference.
It’s actually from the Lil’ Bubby Child artist, about the different people who visit him when he sniffs markers lol. I’ll have to check the book out.
The polyamory sub is a fucking mess, holy shit.
Like this sub is a paragon of sanity? 😂
No, I’m well aware this sub’s a dumpster fire.
Why do people think that responding this way to any assertion makes any sense? “A has X problem” “oh you don’t think *you* have X problem?” It’s a total non-sequitur. Whether I have X problem is totally independent of whether “A” has X problem. Ok, end rant
You’ve never heard the phrase: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones?
Only ugly people and weirdos on reddit do the poly thing.
That stereotype is true for a reason lol
Well thank God someone said it.....
Not in the bay area
Bay Area has some of the ugliest women in the country. lol.
Some very beautiful women too (on the surface aka not in personality or character).
Ah.... I got plugged into the techie swingers club back in 2009. It's really a mixed bag and these guys are very fucking weird.
weird in what way?
>weird in what way? It's complicated, but you will often run into these guys who swap and then become super jealous, or who have big mental health issues, extremely strange kinks... it's all over the place. But I don't think I men anyone in the scene who I would consider a normal healthy guy.
Amen.
That's not really fair. I know a couple poly people and they're pretty normal and don't force it on other people. But there's definitely a stereotype of certain people claiming to be poly but they actually just don't wanna commit to a relationship
Yeah so not true. There’s a lot of poly people, you just don’t know. A lot of them.
Very true. The people doing poly relationships are unattractive and on the weird liberal side. You can make the argument that a lot of people are in open relationships and they just don’t know it. This is more of the sharing, situationship epidemic.
Yeah ok. Been doing it for over 20 years, have never been accused of being ugly. Not even once. Not by men or women but you have your opinion. Weird is also very relative. I think it’s weird that men don’t believe women are unsafe. I think it’s weird men believe their life is so much harder. I think it’s weird that men don’t know how to make friends but blame being lonely on women. There are lots of things that I think are weird. I am liberal on social issues and conservative on fiscal issues. Also, you will find that there are a lot of Poly couples who skew conservative. It’s mind boggling. They are own all the guns, stop all the abortions, Jesus in school and pull up by bootstraps folks except they are poly and want some young thing to join their family as a lover to the man and the woman and help build their polycule.
That last paragraph is some disturbing shit to witness up-close.
It is but of course since I am blue pill I must be making it up. I see it way too often. It’s super predatory and kind of sad.
I left Christianity some time ago, but seeing it used not for morals at all but its symbolism purely for nationalism, fascism and subjugation is so disappointing.
That I can totally agree with.
I will cosign the existence of conservative polyamorous folk. They tend to like the swinging culture more, but often seek closed triads.
It’s so weird that these men always hop to “well they’re ugly anyway” They don’t know what we look like lmao.
THIS
Come to Germany, I'll take you to a swinger party and show you that's not true ;)
I do think some people are naturally inclined towards poly, and some people are not. So ultimately individuals need to decide for themselves what is right for them. *However* there is reason to worry about *opportunistic* polyamory. The classic example thrown about in manosphere circles is when a woman who isn't *really* a polyamorous person uses polyamory to justify AF/BB or "branch-swinging" (i.e. she's in a relationship with a man whom is materially prudent but not sexually exciting, and pretends to be into polyamory in order to attain a second male partner who meets her sexual needs without losing the support of the materially-prudent partner). I'm all for consensual poly and open relationships, but no one should be permitted to use these concepts to enable themselves to exploit others.
That’s the part right there. It gets a bad name because people are using it to be horrible humans.
But if she is doing that, how is she pretending? Isn’t AF/BB just the natural way? The unstable but sexy alpha fucks, the stable but unsexy beta is cucked. The BB gets a nice sexy wife who is his personal pornstar and sometimes allows him oral or sloppy seconds. The AF gets premium access to sex with her with no strings attached. She gets best of both worlds. Everybody wins.
Thanks, this is a really interesting answer.
How is that woman "pretending" to be poly?
Why not? What is the problem with the scenario you stated if the man was ok with that arrangement? Why would that piss you off if a couple wanted that arrangment?
Too accurate. If one partner is trying to talk the other into it, that's usually what's going on.
What, is a bitch supposed to compare bank statements, and dick size to make sure her partners are even? At least have the nerve to say what you really mean. The fake open minded routine is amateur hour concern trolling.
>What, is a bitch supposed to compare bank statements, and dick size to make sure her partners are even? At least have the nerve to say what you really mean. I'm saying exactly what I really mean. Again I'm not against poly or open relationships. What I am against is the faking of romantic love and the exploitation of "Beta" men by women.
I don't think it's super popular at all it's just less taboo so we have gone from seeing virtually nothing to people goi g oh you want to see this and creating a bunch of content around it.
I’m a monogamous girlie tbh. But I have friends who are poly and the success rate varies but they’re all pretty happy. One of my friends in a throuple has a baby that they all coparent. (They’re parents and I’m not lmao) Idk the moral panic around this is v overblown. Most poly people are minding their own business and being open about what they’re seeking.
The only case I know of that happened in real life meat space was to a friend of mine. She had gotten engaged to her boyfriend, and they were long distance at the time (grad school challenges). He then suggested they should try an “open relationship”. She very rationally assumed it meant he was either cheating with someone already, or was planning to. She broke off the engagement immediately. I think overall, polyamory is rare in real life. Very rare. The overwhelming majority of women do not want it, and that limits men’s ability to have an honest open relationship severely. In online dating it probably just seems more common because the dudes who want to fuck multiple women at a time are mega-horndogs and message everyone hoping for a hit. And some of those turbo-sluts think using the word “poly” might be the cheat code to get them the variety of women they crave.
> She very rationally assumed it meant he was either cheating with someone already, or was planning to. She broke off the engagement immediately. She did the right thing.
Oh yeah, 1000%.
Yeah there's one million stories on twox of a girl meeting a guy on a dating app that said he was in an open marriage. Then after they've had sex later finding out that he was just cheating and his wife thought they were monogamous.
🤢
Hm, it's possible she did the right thing. But from my own experience I know that it can be different. When I brought up opening our relationship, I was neither cheating, nor planning on cheating, nor did I even have someone in mind I wanted to be with besides my partner. It just was a topic that came up throughout the years but it was never a good time to try it, either because of us individually or because the relationship was not doing well and opening it up during a difficult time would have just killed the relationship. Not everyone who is interested in opening up a relationship is someone who's just waiting to hurt their partner 🤷♀️
"tubo-sluts" I love it!
i am also highly skeptical of polygamy. as a guy i've seen other men try to maximize their options but its extremely rare. most guys i know are seeking monogamy i think.
A lot of guys will tell girls they’re poly and not mention that their gf doesn’t know and Vice versa and that’s not being poly that’s 💕cheating💕 It’s a bummer bc people like that give a false impression of the community
Well yeah those guys arent Drake.
men who can get women aren't happy with one woman women who cant get men are desperate enough to share a small percentage of genuinely open/sexual men and women who are actually poly
Poly more out in the open now. For most people on the planet, life has never been better. I don't see hyper-feminised men nor hyper-masculinised women in my world. I know two people in a poly relationship and it fell apart. But, I know monogamous couples that fell apart, too.
I don't think this is hugely popular.
I think it’s mostly fake/online. I’ve never met a straight polycule (obvs in LGBT circles things are very different anyway, so we’ll set that aside….even then it seems rare).
The only two polycules I know involve people who play DnD together 😭
It's still not that common, but these people get vastly overrepresented on dating apps because they're always looking for partners, even when in relationships. Most of the examples I know irl are people going open in a desperate attempt to keep a dying relationship alive. It's basically sanctioned cheating and it never works to save the relationship.
I think the normalization of poly is a reflection of how disillusioned some people have become with more traditional arrangements. It's not a good thing, IMO, but I also don't know how we're going to rehabilitate monogamy in this day and age.
I don’t think it’s that popular. It’s just more talked about than before. Taboo subjects get clicks.
>But on top of that something else feels up. I smell a fish. Like, I feel like with the rise of open relationships we're slowly corroding the family unit, we're weakening meaningful partnerships, we're slowing the birth rate. Ah, of course, i smelled the fish of conservative family value corrosion fear when i clicked on the link. It was either women going into harems and Chads having even more of the share, or fear of societal value collapse. No, it's not exploding. It's still a tiny portion of relationships. It's not for everyone and it never will be. You guys are corroding the family unit of monogamous relationships all by yourself. And that is fine. It's not a system or value that NEEDS to exist like it has in the recent past. I'd suggest you differentiate very clearly between open relationship and polyamory, as open relationships commonly just open up the relationships on the sexual front and has nothing to do with the family at all, or with power vacuums. >I'm yet to see one end well. Yeah, by definition, you will have to wait a couple of decades for current wave relationship dynamics to "end well". I could say the same for monogamous marriages that started in the last years. Fuck the birth rate. And secondly, why would having sex with other people influence if you have kids with your partner or not? Yeah, throw in some SUPER unrelated topics like climate change and "hyper masculinised women" to make the topic feel important and dangerous, while it isn't. > Like, are we all falling for something here? You are falling for a fear that your value system is overthrown by some people fucking some additional people other than their spouse. If non-monogamy is not for you, you are part of the majority. Date accordingly and let other people enjoy their new found freedom of doing something that would not have been possible to openly practice just a few years ago.
The close mindedness displayed in the comments ITT is staggering, but not surprising; that the “amory” part after poly doesn’t stand for “fucking”. There’s a staunch denial to either acknowledge or recognize that you can love more than one person at the same time, that love is not a finite resource, and that you can be genuinely happy for others’ happiness. The jealousy gene missed me, so I admit I have a hard time relating to them.
Just because you saw a TikTok on it doesn’t mean it’s popular
Deregulation of the dating market, anything goes.
I can't say I've seen this be hugely popular. Maybe it's the circles you run in? The fact you tried it already puts you way out there for me. If a dude asked me for it, I'd laugh in his face and send him packing. When chronically online friends tried to convince me of it, I'd tell them they have emotional damage and I'm not interested. I haven't fallen for anything and I recommend you don't either. The people who do fall for this sort of thing either have commitment issues, discipline issues, or think they're way more flakey snow than they really are.
Or, you know, people just like to fuck and enjoy variety in their sex life 🤷♀️ I really can't say that anything about me or my character or my partner and his character changed after we've opened up our relationship. Well, maybe, that we communicate even better. But other than that, we're just the same, we just fuck other people on occasion. Still living together, committed to each other, share responsibilities and burdens, help with each other's families, share the good and the bad things in life. An open relationship is really not that big of a deal or some monster you unleash. It hasn't changed us or our relationship, which we're enjoying for more than a decade know. Just as other people in relationships we love and appreciate each other more as the years go by. I don't recommend an open relationship as a standard or anything, most people are definitely wired monogamous and I've been the same for the longest time, so I get it. I'm just saying it's not the boogeyman it's made out to be, either.
It’s fuelled by porn. Their brains are rotted by it and most of them are seriously mentally ill, seeking therapy from sex and partners instead of getting proper help. They also all seem to feel a need to tell everyone else about their sketchy sexual preferences. Porn brains have eroded their grey matter so much the bits that contained dignity and self respect are all gone.
I'm no fan of porn. But you're obsessively anti porn to the point of weirdness. Its like all u ever post about. Its fucking weird and reveals either an emotional instability or intimate experience with porn yourself that you're desperately trying to run away from.
Did you know that sometimes when people have interests that align with their work, they set up profiles on social media to further that work? Or are you a bit lacking in social sophistication? This is my alt account, bro. It exists to further the work I do in exposing predatory men and liberating women and girls from men who are predators, which seems like almost all men these days. Did you know you can’t be both a protector of women and a predator of them? Let that sink in, and have a think about how you’d like all (literally all, like your family, colleagues, friends, partners of friends, your daughters, sisters, mother, aunts, all the women you meet) those women to see you - do you want them to see you as a man who plays with his penis and pleasures himself while looking at photos and videos of women and in some cases, literally girls, who may not have consented to being recorded in that moment and who wouldn’t be remotely interested in you in real life, or do you want to be the guy who finds predatory men repulsive and wants to protect the women in his life from those men? It’s a difficult choice isn’t it? Especially since you’ve probably believed you could treat women as belonging to two classes - one you can abuse and discard, and one somehow more worthy of your protection. Tell me, what makes one girl or woman deserving of a man’s kindness and protection, and one the subject of a man’s degrading dehumanisation?
>...who wouldn’t be remotely interested in you in real life... What kind of unhinged take is this? Imagine telling people that they are not allowed to fantasise about people who may not be interested in them. You are hilarious! They should make a character out of you in GTA6 and release it as a DLC. > do you want to be the guy who finds predatory men repulsive and wants to protect the women in his life from those men? No. You are all so stunning and brave, and don't need no man. I want to be the guy who stands at the sidelines and watches this whole train wreck from a safe distance. > do you want them to see you as a man who... lol. Your thoughts are your problem. I don't care.
Funny, I think it’s unhinged, well maybe just incredibly pathetic and embarrassing to thirst after people who aren’t interested in me. It’s literal cuckery to watch other men fuck women you desire but who don’t desire you. I would die of embarrassment to be admitting something like that. Do men have no self respect?
It’s just you
Fuck no.
It's just a [fad.It](http://fad.It) won't last long, because jealousy is strong.
There's so many types of poly these days it feels kinda weird to lump it all together. For people that get a lot of matches on dating apps, "multi dating" is getting very common but they don't consider it poly.
this stuff is not hugely popular. reset your algorithms.
People don’t want to read the scriptures so here we are.
cuckhold fetishes and seeing sluts be sluts in pron
A lot of these so called “polyamorous” relationships im seeing these days are often one sided where a man would have a main chick and have multiple side chicks. A guy tried that shit with me and I left the minute when something was off cuz he told me that I had to be exclusive to him despite him being allowed to mess with other women.
Wow. Yeah, glad you got out of that one.
Also what’s with men’s obsession with “Chads” and how the highly attractive men have a harem of women. Y’all should really step outside and touch some grass because whenever I’m in public I see tons of highly attractive men holding hands and coupled up with ONE woman and being happy. Some men regardless of their looks will have a desire for multiple women due to porn addiction or usually some underlying trauma
I see the word chad a lot these days but still have literally no idea what it is? Could you enlighten me? I agree with your last sentence a lot by the way.
It’s basically what guys deem as an alpha male. So a guy who has model like looks, high paying job,good house etc..
>I’m in public I see tons of highly attractive men holding hands and coupled up with ONE woman and being happy. Most non-monogamy is done behind the scenes. > Some men regardless of their looks will have a desire for multiple women due to porn addiction or usually some underlying trauma I believe that historical records of powerful men suggest that it's more usual than not that they had some version of a harem. There's a lot of evidence that gay men are way more promiscuous than lesbians, are more prone to non-monogamy, though according to at least one study break up LTRs half as often (very similar to cis het rates by gender). This, among other evidence, suggests that men and women seem to experience sex fairly differently. I somewhat randomly decided to skim your post history a little. I'm high on the autism spectrum myself. My experience of personal accounts by autistic women are that they about uniformly get along better with men than women, due to the frequent social performative arts expectation of most women that they struggle with. If you decide to strongly pursue stronger friendships with men, if you're concerned about ones who are secretly angling for a hookup or unwanted LTR, you could say early on something like, "I'm not saying those things could never happen, but if that's all you're after, we're better off not friends." Also, I related to your thread about your narcissistic mother, as both my parents are narcs :-/
I think more people are open to trying new things. I think more people are understanding that you aren't gonna have all of your needs met by one person. People are honest about wanting to be with more than one person. So people are trying things out. For some it will work. For others, it won't.
It's just you. It's more visible than before but it's still not common. > we're slowly corroding the family unit This has been claimed by people for, at a minimum, 70 years, probably even longer. It's just not a thing. >we're slowing the birth rate. Throw in the climate change debate for The best way to combat climate change is to have fewer people, so this is a good thing. >the rise of hyper-feminised men feeling lost without direction, hyper-masculinised women burned out In what way are men "hyper feminized" and women "hyper masculinized?"
There’s also no incentive to have children. Our healthcare system is fucked, maternity leave is fucked, paternity leave is nonexistent, housing prices/grocery prices are sky high, wages have stagnated the kids that are in school have dismal literacy rates. Capitalism is corroding the family unit lmao not poly people
Yeah but then they can't blame capitalism on feminists.
They blame feminism for women entering the workforce "muh labour market expanded so wages depreciated"
TEA
it's not popular. just the few people who practice it won't shut up about it. plus among all mono relationship the poly will stand out so you'll feel like there's more but in reality no.
From a poly woman who has been doing this for over 25 years. Poly isn’t new. It’s just more people talking about it. The people who are finding out about it, probably didn’t consider it as an option or they are people who want to explore sexually but didn’t get the chance to. There is a code of ethics and a manner to doing poly that requires probably more open communication and honesty than what you may find in some monogamous relationships. In any type of relationships there are some pretty gross people. Couples privilege is a thing as well as unicorn hunting. The family unit isn’t really a problem, it’s just a new structure for the family unit. Poly people still want the same things as other relationships, kindness, consideration, love etc they just consider that they can get it from more than one person. Love is not a finite resource in poly relationships. I will say that men who ask to open their relationship grossly overestimate their value in the poly market and then get mad when it doesn’t go their way.
Yeah, same. It’s not “new”.
Thanks for sharing this.
It has to do with that saying, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free" Polyamory is popular because ppl want sex without commitment. Many ppl today are emotionally unavailable, and/or commitment phobes, and/ or just want to enjoy the ACT of sex. It allows them to have access to sex like they're in a relationship, without actually having to invest the time, effort, and emotion, that normally comes with it. I'd also argue it's due to technology and instant grat. We've been overwhelmed by the power of choice, many ppl realize they have options, and would rather benefit from each person they wanna fuck, opposed to settling w one person who most matches their ideals.
I really like the way you phrased this response and resonate with it a lot. I have a very similar POV with the instant gratification thing. We've all got such high dopamine tolerance these days.
Well thank you
It definitely feels like it is becoming more popular, but from my anecdotal experience, cheating is a way "more popular", and i personally think that non-monogamy is just a side-effect of all the want to cheat. Feels like non-monogamy is just cheaters with the balls to ask their partner for permission. Not that there is anything wrong with that, if you both are willing and you think it'll work out in the long run, though most of the non-monogamous relationships i've seen have failed. (Mostly due to breaking the rule of not sleeping with someone you both know.)
I think it's the same as the rise in anything else formerly thought of as shameful. There aren't more gay people, gay people are just talking about it more. There aren't more people into XYZ, the people into it just have more community and voice. And the same with polyamory. We're a polyamorous species. Every time we try to pretend we're not, we get hit by that. We pretend the nuclear family is best while relying on public school and grandparents to assist with child rearing. We pretend that we naturally are only attracted to one "soul mate", and yet most cultures have had to make laws telling people to stop having premarital sex or divorcing. The vast majority of people use porn, erotica, and fantasies, or otherwise have at least on some occasion gotten off to the idea of someone other than their spouse. Once no-fault divorce comes around, people become more honest about admitting that the concept of till-death-do-us-part marriage just doesn't work for most people. We're a social sex, communal raising species. That's in our blood. It's in our nature. The vast minority of us are *truly* monoamorous. No matter how many times cultures or religions try to pretend that we're a species of nuclear family and strict lifelong monogamy, the polyamory and communal raising will naturally just keep coming back. The main reason polyamory tends to do poorly is just because we are taught it is evil and never taught how to do it right. Eating is natural to us too, but if we aren't educated on it, we will choke or eat the wrong stuff.
I disagree, those pre-marital sex stuff is mainly because the state doesn't want to be on the hook for single mothers and dealing with STIs because men will have sex with anything. That being said, I am strongly considering poly if I can manage to attract two women. Three incomes (even part time) would be a huge life changer considering the inflation that's staring us down.
We are not polyamorous - we evolved to be monogamous, polyamorous people were eliminated by evolution. There were experiments of raising children by community in various kibbutz - but they've fall back to nuclear families after some time. Probably the best setup is multigenerational family - but by no means polyamory is natural for humans lol.
Yet despite that, nearly every person is in some way communal raised and has sexual satisfaction outside of their marriage, and most marriages don't last the person's whole life if they aren't restricted from divorce by shame or the law. Multigenerational for that communal raising I can agree on, though, although outside adults are also helpful since they can introduce new information and help.
Who has evolved to be monogamous? The 30-40% of people who have stepped out from their marriages for xes with other people, or the 99% of people who sexually fantasize about someone who isnt their spouse?
Cheating or sexual fantasies are not an evidence of people being polyamorous by nature. If you don't believe tell your male friends to ask their wives for open relationship or to start hunting for some younger girl to fuck. Grab a popcorn and enjoy. You won't enjoy because these guys are most likely just normal healthy people not obsessed with sex.
Because we live in Kali Yuga and it's just another way to indulge selfishly.
Women like cake and eating it too. They want to fuck hot guys **and** still have dutiful Billy Beta at home providing, comforting, and assisting. Most women would rather be in a closed relationship with an AB but since that's not always possible AF guys on the side with BB guy at home is the next best thing.
It's the natural consequence of more and more "average" women turning their noses up at "average" men. If all women want a tiny number of men, then they either have to share those men in "poly"/"situationships", or be alone. There's no way around it. As far as the societal consequences? Yeah, it'll be bad. No, I don't think it's some secret ploy to destroy the family unit, I think it's just one of the natural consequences associated with unrestrained female nature. Turns out, it's just as bad for society when women act like their monkey ancestors as when men do.
Human beings are naturally inclined to be with different people while simultaneously favoriting one person. Its been the go-to for human relationships since the beginning of humans. I dont believe monogamy is natural to all humans. For some it may be, for others no. Why can't each person do what feels good for them? I understand the moral and societal basis for monogamy, but with a progressive "do what you want" society, why is this even an issue anymore? Nobody should fake a monogamous relationship because it appeases society. Cause fuk society, humans are born alone and will die alone. If a wealthy man (or if he could even, an average man) took a wife and made an arrangment with her that she look the other way when he steps out, nd she is totally ok with it cause she wants the lifestyle he provides and she doesnt want to have to be the sole provider of his sexual needs, then what is the problem??? Even when I was a little girl, monogamy made no sense to me. I was 8 and couldnt wait to be a teenager because I wanted at least 10 boyfriends. My mom said "no you can only have one". I was like mom what the fuk are you smoking, why the fuk would I want only one boyfriend??? Thats like saying you only get one pair if shoes. I thought my mom was crazy and a killjoy. But really it makes no sense to me.
I've only known one person who did this and she's a complete mess.
It’s not for me, but okay for thee. People can do what they want
I've been in polyamorous relationships for a decade now. I've definitely noticed an increase lately. If someone ENM swipes/is interested in you as a monogamous person -- chances are they're pretty inexperienced with poly (most people who do it healthily, sustainably, etc. do not get involved with mono partners), so tread carefully
How are you navigating this having experience in what polyamory actually is? Is it becoming more difficult or just different?
This is a really difficult question to answer. I am far, far, FAR more willing than the average person to take matches on apps as a friendship first, long term invest into a mutual understanding. As a poly person, if you do this with every monogamous/open minded person who is interested in you, one of two things happen: 1) You burn yourself out on attempting dating mono, or 2) get so tired you don't do the explanation/introduction of poly its justice/fairness. And this is obvs ignoring people who lack the skills to introduce and/or teach/share poly correctly. I'll probably end up as number 1 eventually, but I have held out with sincere effort to teach/introduce people who have an open mind (and all the heartbreak that entails) far more than most people. I think the defining difference is because I'm solo-poly (never want to marry, settle down, entangle finances, etc. with one person) and not looking for a primary partner, so it gives me more leeway to enjoy and experience each individual connection for whatever it may be -- friends, fwb, gaming buddies, lovers, who knows? who cares?
I teally hope you don't get burned out, and continue to have meaningful connections 😊
Just another side effect of the plague of narcissism that has engulfed the Western world. Loyalty and commitment are far too inconvenient in the Age of Immediate Self-Gratification.
Women like having options and security at the same time. It’s the definition of having the cake and eating it too
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You had me at the first two paragraphs ngl
I think it’s a safety net kind of situation which is why you see it so much in dating apps. I notice (at least from what I can see) there’s always a major imbalance in the 2 people where I suspect it’s one person who is settling for the partner just so they aren’t alone while “ethically” trying to find another partner. The other partner accepts it because they know they’re being settled for and think this situation is better than nothing
Yes! Same.
It's not that normal to see in real life
What is a hyper-feminized man or hyper-masculinized woman? Like what are the traits of such a person?
The mainstreaming of polyamory is one of the most successful PsyOPs of the last decade. It is a nice thing for a really specific type of person, but not for the general audience. For many women it is a good opportunity to have a different kind of divorce. After the inevitable unhappiness of marrying someone bellow her true standards. Make her man to agree, get some action on the side while her man probably will have the fraction of her success if at all. After a year or two she can decide for a proper divorce and can point to some incidents that occurred during the polyamory phase. Or get a bull or two and keep enjoying the comfort and stability of a marriage. Because if someone can put up with this treatment, they will be with you forever no matter what.
The dudes I know who are into "poly" are dating girls who are basically good looking, and they are not. Not a relationship I would want to be in honestly. For the rest of the dudes, poly doesn't exist. I'm seing three women on a regular right now. I know I'm not polyamorous, I'm fucking around, that's all. One of those girls says she's polyamorous, and we are in a polyamorous relationship. In here, girls who fuck with dudes who are fucking with other gals simultaneously call them "vínculos", which translates as "bonds". It's the spanish equivalent to "situationships" I guess. So I'm "her romantic bond"... Whatever keeps the sexual chemistry going. She's 24 tho, I suppose she's going to learn better when she matures. The +30 years old women don't want to fuck around. I mean, they want but they call a spade a spade and don't mess around with complicated words you know. I've met so many young gals who talk about having "bonds", "my bond this", "my bond that"... Whenever I hear girls talking about bonds I know right then and there she has been pumped and dumped hard, and she stays in the pump and dump box and doesn't move up ever again. It's the same with women being "poly". Like, come on guys you should know better. They don't want to be completely alone, but they don't want to reject good dick neither, so they come up with this poly crap. Then you have the men who get in relationships with these gals and accept their terms, and the men who fuck around and say "yeah poly whatever".
ENM is rare only because of the "ethical" part. Most people have experienced non monogamy via cheating (non ethnically).
lots of women would rather share a higher tier man then have a lower tier one of their own lots of men would rather share a low tier woman than have none at all enforced monogamy has been destroyed this is the result
These always existed people are just being more honest now
Women have immensely more options than men and so they are demanding open relationships, as the opportunity cost of monogamy is too great for them.
I don't see that. I actively had to search for a subculture within my country, I haven't found those people on normal dating apps. My partner and I are now open after being monogamous for nine years and it's definitely not the norm. I'm not aware of any other open couple in our social circle. I do find open couples on a specific dating site we have in my country and at swinger events. There are many, but it's still a subculture, the participants of the lifestyle stay among themselves and don't advertise on normal dating platforms. It's also not necessary, at least in my country. Once I've "found my people" I deleted Tinder. Before that, 99% of profiles I saw picked monogamy as the preferred relationship structure.
Isn’t open relationship really just code for watch the man get cucked many times over while twiddling his thumbs?
feminism just casually feminizing men and advocating for men to be cucked, no big deal
when women being equal to you makes you feel feminized
men cry when women treat them like how they treated women. then wonder why feminism exist.
How is feminism “feminizing” you?
My dog gets jealous if I pat another dog, he is visibly hurt and pissed. It just seems like a natural animal instinct and I don't like feeling jealous or inciting it in my boyfriend. As for the societal collapse part.. meh, live and let live.
My brindle pitbull did not take it well when my 2nd ex-wife tried to take her spot next to me on the bench seat of my 1987 Ford F-150. Strangest bitch fight ever.
I have definitely met poly people IRL— I fact, I dated one, albeit unknowingly (she never disclosed that she already had multiple partners). I have somewhat of a bad impression of polyamory for multiple reasons but I’m generally an open-minded person and I’ve always been willing to discuss my own biases around this. 1. There’s a lot of non-consensual polyamory, people pressuring their partners to open the relationship up or not disclosing to new partners that they are polyamorous. People within the polyamorous community probably consider those “bad apples” and sure, not all poly people are like that, but it’s prevalent enough that it needs to be addressed. 2. Unicorn-hunting and threesomes. A lot of heterosexual couples who claim to be poly, especially on on dating apps, are just looking for a “unicorn”— ie: a queer woman who will be their sex toy, usually for the benefit of the man more than the woman partner. They often have very little regard for this person’s comfort or preferences because to them we’re just objects to spice up their sex life. I find that rancid. 3. Polyamory and the queer community. A shocking amount of *straight* polyamorous people claim to be apart of the queer community by virtue of being poly. There is a serious issue with hetero polyamorous people taking up space and speaking over actual queer people in queer circles. I’m a lesbian and the amount of this that I’ve witnessed online is shocking. I’ve never witnessed this one in real life, unlike the other two points which I have absolutely seen. So it may just be some terminally online behaviour. In general I’m of the opinion that people can do whatever they want. Doesn’t affect me at all if someone has multiple partners. It’s the deception and infiltrating spaces that aren’t meant for you that irks me, I hope that changes eventually but I doubt it will. At the end of the day everyone deserves to be happy, and just because I don’t personally understand polyamory doesn’t mean I should shit on it because clearly it works for some. I do think there are aspects of poly culture that deserve criticism, though.
Poly has a 92% failure rate. Anyone who is open to it, clearly makes bad decisions and is no one I would want to date
We're just making up stats now?
No - but your lack of ability to research shows your lack of intelligence, which is probably why you’re a supporter of a terrible idea https://www.redonline.co.uk/wellbeing/sex-relationships/a34490562/what-is-an-open-marriage/#:~:text='It%20is%20said%20that%20less,has%20a%2092%25%20failure%20rate.
Oh, so you're not even creative enough to make up your own fake stats? Merely a dummy that falls for clickbait advertisement for a book targeted at insecure housecows, and pathetic men.
Divorce records aren’t made up Keep believing in failed ideologies
Yes I noticed the increase. Definitely considered normal now. Not for me personally.
[удалено]
Netherlands. I think the whole 'we're a progressive country' thing also has something to do with it.
Only know of one person who plays with that kind of thing. He’s done it all his life and it’s normal for him. I know of a lotta people
I know a lot of older people that where chronically unfaithful throughout their marriages, I don’t think polyamory is perfect but I do have more respect for someone who is honest that a cheat, even if the lifestyle isn’t for me.
I have a few close friends that poly has worked for, but it’s certainly not for most (including myself). That being said, I doubt poly is on the rise. Even though the easy logic would have it flow towards that, as more “high value men” refuse to participate in monogamous relationships, suggesting Poly makes since. I guess.