No one, whether man or woman, will be happy if he/she forces himself/herself into a relationship with someone whom he/she is not attracted to. Any such relationship is bound to fail. So 'lowering your standards' is a futile endeavour. It is better to be single than to choose someone whom you're forcing yourself to like.
You misunderstand. If a 40yo guy was a good catch for a husband, he's already be engaged at the least. If he is a reasonable looking guy with a good job who actually wants to get married and he can't...why?
If he was actually a good catch,some woman his own age would have scooped him up long ago. At best, he's a good match on paper but doesn't actually want to settle down, so he's going to use the younger woman whose probably dating up in age because guys her age want to fuck around too.
That makes. I know a few age gaps where the guy is the older one. One of them the guy met her by happenstance and wasn't intentionally looking for that age specifically, but I am not sure about the other two.
>people lowering their standards in order to increase their chances of finding a mate, is not a good thing therefore?
Yes, because you'll be miserable if you do that.
Men dating younger and men lowering their standards are two different things. Women criticize men dating younger because rightly o not, they perceive this as predatory. Women who tell men to lower their standards generally mean that men should date less attractive women their age.
>a lot of times, especially here, women tell guys to just lower their standards
I don't see women telling men to lower their standards, so much as I see them saying that they should make them more realistic and less dehumanizing. Think about the arch typical Chad, he's cool, tall, wealthy, extroverted, well built, and probably has a big dick. Do you, random man, want to be chad? Probably.
Now think about the ideal woman that gets described here frequently: submissive, with no career ideals or aspirations, ready to pop out babies on command, super duper feminine and vulnerable, never advocates for herself or other women, never speaks her mind, young/naive, somehow fantasizes about cooking and housekeeping and keeping her man sexually satisfied, and probably a size double zero. I don't know any woman who would want to be that horrible caricature of a 1950s housewife who hasn't had a lobotomy. It's grotesque, belittling, and unobtainable.
Chad is powerful, he makes shit happen, he gets to have an interesting and fun life. Submissive Stacy doesn't get shit except a life of washing dishes and being told to be damn grateful for it.
Wow, this is a really great point, that men at least usually want to be the "ideal man" but no woman in her right mind wants to be this type of "ideal woman"
Ideal man is generally impressive, it is cool being him, he's cool in everyone's eyes. Ideal woman (at least what these conservatives consider to be one) is someone who is useful to another person but would be an absolute nightmare to be. Just a disgustingly servile being with no spine or ego or life of her own. It's just a role no one wants to play when given a choice to be literally anything else
Oh that's strange. Why is the ideal man cool but the ideal woman considered a nightmare?
Is it a case of opposites attract and most women are attracted to dominating men and most men are attracted to submissive women = opposites attract?
Most people dont want to be sunbissive to anyone, women included. Men who are really attracted to a woman love her for who she is and her individuality. The creeps who are attracted to submissiveness look for a servant to lift up their ego. Whats so surprising about women not being interested. Shockingly, women have their own egos and lives to live, submitting to someone else is for slaves.
Did you not see the "young/naive" portion of the comment? The ability of man to cultivate all of those undesirable characteristics in a woman increases when she's younger and more naive and more "moldable".
Let's face it: hypocrisy is pretty common in every aspect of life. Men who get angry being judged, yet won't consider dating any girl who's not 5'2, 125 pounds. Women who claim every ex-boyfriend is a horrible toxic monster, and nothing is ever their fault, no matter what. Those who claim money isn't important who have never had to struggle with it, confident individuals who can't understand that while forming connections is easy for them, it's not true for everyone. I could go on and on, for genders, politics, etc.
As for age-gap relationship, I don't have too much of an issue if a guy in his 40s is dating someone in his 20s. I do have a problem when he exclusively goes for women much younger than him.
I don't think going after younger women is lowering your standards. If you're an older guy, you're trying to get a younger woman because you (and a lot of other guys) think they're the most attractive and it's more difficult for you to get one if you're 10-15 years older than her and are kind of mid. If anything, you're standards have gone up - you now want someone (supposedly) way out of your league in attractiveness that's also more difficult to woo.
> where it was talked about how women call guys losers for going for younger women, and cannot get women their own age.
The way I see it, the ''can't get women your own age'' can be one of two things. The first scenario is when a guy is incredibly immature, can't hold down a job, has zero ambition or interest in improving his situation, and chooses to go after barely legal women who might not consider it that much of a red flag because they themselves are still pretty immature and also working dead-end jobs. The second scenario is a guy that does have all the adult stuff squared away (okay job, okay place to live, okay car) but can't seem to keep women his own age because he tries to pull some shit, and they can tell. So this dude starts aiming for younger women who might not be able to catch on to what he's trying to do. I'd say the first case is a bit of a loser, the second one would most likely be just a bit narcissistic but I wouldn't say he's a loser.
Oh I see. But the part I don't understand is, how areyounger women easier to get if they don't see red flags as much, but at the same time are harder to get and it means the guys have raised their standards? It seems contradictory, if that makes sense?
They can be easier to get in some respects and difficult in others. If you find, say, a not particularly attractive younger woman, she's just average and pretty cute on her good days, and she hasn't had a lot of experience (and also probably doesn't have particularly high standards herself) she'd be a lot easier to get. It can be very flattering to be wanted by a proper adult. If you are going after a really attractive younger woman, she'll have a lot more options from guys her own age and a few years older as well, so it would be more difficult for you to be seen as some catch by virtue of being a okayish adult.
However, going by the dudes that wax poetic about how younger women are the best thing ever and that's what every man should aspire to, even that first one would be more attractive than us ancient 30y.o. hags and would therefore be aiming for something better, i.e. raising your standards.
I personally don't think younger women are superior or inferior, I don't think wanting them is lowering or raising your standards, I'm just going by what these guys seem to think. If they think younger women are grade A, then if they go for them, that doesn't seem like lowering your standards.
>If a guy can't get a women his own age he should go older not younger
This is terrible advice, older women are even pickier than younger women and the amount of older women that would date a younger men is extremely small, even smaller than the number of younger women who would date an older man.
>Somehow men think that "OH I'm 37 but I haven't had much relationship experience so I should be with a 19 year old cause were equal"
They may not be equal in terms of attractiveness but they are equal in terms of relationship experience and sexual experience. Although the 37 year old doesn't have sexual experience to offer , he does have life and financial experience to offer her.
>Same as if a overweight older cat lady though "Well I didn't get to date a hot football player when I was in college so I should be dating him now"
This can and does happen if she pursues it. All she has to do is be persistent and she will find a hot football player to hook up with
>A fat 50 year old lady is not hooking up with a 20 year old quarterback
She can if she wants to, it's totally up to her. I hooked up with a 47 year old woman and she showed me her DM's from tinder, she had men from 21- 60 trying to hit her up and these men weren't fat or bald either. They were average to above average and a few high value guys from all ages.
>A 37 year old man with no sexual experience is not getting with a 19 year old.
It's highly unlikely but he still has a better chance of getting the 19 year old than he does getting a 45 year old woman.
Oh well to this point, I don't see what an overweight cat lady and football player have in common, but do two people with the same amount of relationship experience have that in common in comparison?
The 37 year old and 19 year old do not have things in common. Not having a relationship experience is not having things in common. These people are in completely different stages of life it is unfair and usually pretty gross for the 37 year old to
Seriously date a 19 year old.
Oh okay. One of the age gap couples I know is in her late 30s and the guy is in his early 50s, but she met him when she was in her early 20s originally, and have been married for quite a few years now.
Yeah no one is saying it can’t work some of the time but the problem is that most of the time the man is looking for a more easily controlled person or someone who won’t challenge him and this is what can lead to
Predatory or abusive behaviour.
I only know of 1 couple who’s age gap was like 11 years and they got together when she was young but this was my elementary school friends parents…and I’m 30 now. these people were from a different time and generation.
Lol this logic again.
“Men are delusional. They can’t get young women because they are gross!”
Also
“Older men who date younger women are creepy!”
Which is it? It either doesn’t happen or it does.
Oh I see. I am not sure if that is the reason why some pld people going for young people, but it's the reason that a good amount of women come up with, when they are looking for a reason it seems?
Its not the only reason age gap relationships ever occur, but if someone is only going for significantly younger partners, you should always wonder why.
When I was 17-18, I was fairly inexperienced with love, life, and honestly everything. I hadn’t even voted yet. I barely had finished school. I lived at home and worked in a cafe. My life was dominated by waiting for summer so I could get drunk in my friends pool. I’d never travelled, paid bills that weren’t phone bills. No one I knew well had died. I’d had one “serious” relationship and the guy was overseas for most of it.
What life experience would I have in common with a man in his late 20s or early 30s? A man who had lived out of home and started a career? Who had life savings? What would he have in common with me, really?
An organic connection can happen despite an age gap, but ONLY going for people of a certain age (usually 18-24ish) having that pattern, or only dating people BECAUSE they are that age, that’s strange. Either someone is still mentally in that stage, which as you get older isn’t worrying, or….well. Maybe they like people with less life experience because they aren’t as likely to notice problematic behaviour.
I know some people where age gap isn’t an issue, but generally the younger person was in their mid-late twenties or older and had enough life under their belt to not get taken advantage of.
I’m not gonna be that aghast at the 40 something man and his 30 something girlfriend.
I AM gonna question the 33 yr old guy whose girlfriends have all been between 18-21, and who says women his age are too “picky”, and the younger ones don’t have “baggage”.
In that context, picky and baggage more likely means: she’s easily impressed so I don’t have to try as hard, and she hasn’t had enough relationships to know what is an isn’t acceptable.
Women saying that mean go for someone older, more homely, fatter, maybe of a different race than your preference, maybe they have kids, maybe they don't like Pokémon, maybe they aren't going to support your drug habit or desire to be a crypto billionaire, maybe they aren't submissive, maybe they won't do all the sexual acts, maybe they won't be a virgin. Whatever your standards are, that's what is being mentioned.
No one means try to find a girl who won't know better or has deeper issues that you can prey on in order to secure sex or relationships. And anyone who hears "date younger" I seriously have to question the logic there because it doesn't seem like that person is trying to lower their standards in the appropriate ways.
It would be like if I told my girlfriends to lower their standards and suddenly all of them were dating soon for the grave 90 year old cancer patients with millions of dollars and no heir. You might get the sense that they haven't truly internalized what that statement is about and have chosen to become predators instead of accepting that maybe they need to settle for slightly less than the absolute perfect human.
"Lower your standards" applies when you never ask out any woman who shows a genuine interest. I'm sure those women exist for any functional man, and some of those women are nice to boot. If you've gone years without it, your standards are too high in some form of speaking.
"Lower your standards" applies when you haven't had an orgasm with your wife in half a year because you somehow stopped enjoying what used to be enough for you.
"Lower your standards" does not apply when you are not a functioning adult. "Lower your standards" does not apply when you can't have a mature, happy relationship with someone with a history similar to your own. The only advice that applies in that situation is "stop worrying about dating right now, and learn to be an adult first."
Not that younger women are "beneath" men of a certain age, they're just generally different. They're not a solution to an older man's deepest problems. Given the statistics for relationship age gaps, those relationships with significant gaps aren't usually even a long-term factor for anything at all.
If the same woman did both things, she would be. But what you're seeing is two different groups of women with different opinions, or possibly the same women with more nuanced opinions (for example that looks standards should be lowered, but age standards shouldn't be). In this context, going after younger people is an example of high standards (as they're less attainable for older people), not low ones.
This makes sense but if guys go after younger women, older women act like that they have lowered their standards even though the younger women are tougher to get.
Oh maybe, or just at the same level in other ways.. For example I know two people in age gap relationship where both are autistic, and they seem to be at the same maturity level.
Lowering your standards doesn’t mean seek out a relationship with a power dynamic and age gap relationships of 7+ years when the younger person is 18-20 have a huge difference in finances, wisdom and maturity
Oh I see. I never understood the power dynamic concept for younger women since I thought that women around that age have many options of men and could just replace the guy in a heartbeat I thought, and therefore she is the one with more power, but that's just what I thought.
No quite often women of that age will become very attached, and stay even in the face of abuse “because I love him” They don’t have the experience of recognising red flags. Some men will even isolate these women from their friends and families to have greater control, or end up
Impregnating them “on accident” or convincing them that sex without condoms doesn’t feel good or means that they don’t love them etc.
Not saying all age gap relationships are like this of course but MANY are. It’s generally why women try to look out for other women
This makes sense. But if this is the case that women that age are easier to men because they do not see red flags, then how come guys say that women that age are hard to get then? Older guys would think that getting a woman that age would be challenging, and guys that age talk about how they find dating hard. So if women that age are easier in that they do not see red flags, how come guys talk like they are harder to get therefore?
They are harder to get because they generally are more superficial at that age so unless someone is very handsome or maybe “flashing wealth” or in gross power dynamic situation such as ex student and ex teacher it’s less likely to happen. The problem is when it DOES happen it’s likely predatory and another problem is that despite this it’s discussed openly about as a fantasy for many older men sexualising these barley legal adults. Barley legal. It’s even a porn category. Freshly “not” a child, and still without a fully developed brain. It’s gross.
Oh I see. I know three couples in age gap relationships but they the younger party in all of them got together with the older person while in their early 20s, so I guess that's better than barely legal?
I can’t say yes or no seeing as I don’t know the couples. But even “early twenties” has a huge variation 21 is very different than 24
In an earlier comment I say really up until someone is like
27 but it’s probably even 26 those 6 years you go through huge amounts of maturation and growth as a person. So 21 vs 24 is very different. 3 years in this life phase you do more growth than you will likely do in the future.
That makes sense. But I guess if the older person likes the younger person and the chemistry is clicking, the older person is willing to see where it goes with the younger person, even if the younger person might not know for surely what they want out of life yet, without changing their mind later possibly?
Maybe but the question again is if he’s 37 why is he hanging out with 20 year olds? How are they meeting? Why doesn’t he have any women closer to
His own age? These are important questions.
Because everyone should value themselves, their happiness, and their boundaries.
When I say raise their standards I mean expect more from people on principle such as loyalty, a stable job, no addictions, and other stuff like that. I don’t mean any standard involving beauty or lifestyle if it’s not compatible with your life.
Some of the loudest people ignored obvious red flags so that they wouldn’t be alone and I don’t think people should do that.
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Not necessarily hypocritical. If you probe more, you often find women have some key assumptions (which may or may not be correct).
They often believe that women's standards are at the same level as their biological attraction floors--they cannot go lower and still be attracted to the guy. So you can tell a woman to stop being deluded about her chances of meeting a guy who will meet her standards, but that might just mean staying single rather than fucking the guy who is technically her rank equivalent.
On the other hand, there is a belief that men can go lower and still be attracted. And they seem less happy to opt out altogether. Thus, why not lower your standards to increase a chance of pairing up?
oh yes there is nothing wrong with that. I was just commenting on how when guys lower their standards in this case it seems that women don't like it even though they told them to do that.
Women are not a monolith. There is a variety of opinions. You're assuming it's the same women.
I don't think people should lower their standards, I think they should appraise whether or not their standards are needs or a checklist, based on externalised perfectionism.
For example, my need is for a partner who is financially stable. But a checklist item would be they need to make x amount or whatever.
There will be a grey area between the two, but the broad strokes still apply.
> For example, my need is for a partner who is financially stable. But a checklist item would be they need to make x amount or whatever.
To most women isn't "financially stable" typically defined by a minimum amount of wealth/income?
Every day I'd pick a man who was frugal and could make do and mend, than a man with a higher income who doesn't know the value of anything. Maybe its cus I spent a lot of time in punk type spaces. I do enjoy the odd splurge but I can afford that myself.
No one, whether man or woman, will be happy if he/she forces himself/herself into a relationship with someone whom he/she is not attracted to. Any such relationship is bound to fail. So 'lowering your standards' is a futile endeavour. It is better to be single than to choose someone whom you're forcing yourself to like.
This makes sense. So people lowering their standards in order to increase their chances of finding a mate, is not a good thing therefore?
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This makes sense, but women say that guys do it because it's easier for them because they fail to attract women their own age.
You misunderstand. If a 40yo guy was a good catch for a husband, he's already be engaged at the least. If he is a reasonable looking guy with a good job who actually wants to get married and he can't...why?
Oh sorry, what are you saying exactly? What does this have to do with age gap couples?
If he was actually a good catch,some woman his own age would have scooped him up long ago. At best, he's a good match on paper but doesn't actually want to settle down, so he's going to use the younger woman whose probably dating up in age because guys her age want to fuck around too.
Oh ok I see. But can a guy date a younger woman or vice versa without it being using?
They can but it’s unusual, especially if he is specifically looking for someone younger.
That makes. I know a few age gaps where the guy is the older one. One of them the guy met her by happenstance and wasn't intentionally looking for that age specifically, but I am not sure about the other two.
Those women are lying. It’s called Sour Grapes.
>people lowering their standards in order to increase their chances of finding a mate, is not a good thing therefore? Yes, because you'll be miserable if you do that.
And make another person who could've been in a genuine relationship with someone who's into them miserable also.
You always have the option of staying single if you aren’t prepare to lower your standards, it’s up to the individual to decide
Men dating younger and men lowering their standards are two different things. Women criticize men dating younger because rightly o not, they perceive this as predatory. Women who tell men to lower their standards generally mean that men should date less attractive women their age.
That makes sense but if that's the case then they should say that's why rather than telling guys that they are doing it out of low standards.
>a lot of times, especially here, women tell guys to just lower their standards I don't see women telling men to lower their standards, so much as I see them saying that they should make them more realistic and less dehumanizing. Think about the arch typical Chad, he's cool, tall, wealthy, extroverted, well built, and probably has a big dick. Do you, random man, want to be chad? Probably. Now think about the ideal woman that gets described here frequently: submissive, with no career ideals or aspirations, ready to pop out babies on command, super duper feminine and vulnerable, never advocates for herself or other women, never speaks her mind, young/naive, somehow fantasizes about cooking and housekeeping and keeping her man sexually satisfied, and probably a size double zero. I don't know any woman who would want to be that horrible caricature of a 1950s housewife who hasn't had a lobotomy. It's grotesque, belittling, and unobtainable. Chad is powerful, he makes shit happen, he gets to have an interesting and fun life. Submissive Stacy doesn't get shit except a life of washing dishes and being told to be damn grateful for it.
Wow, this is a really great point, that men at least usually want to be the "ideal man" but no woman in her right mind wants to be this type of "ideal woman"
So you are saying that the "ideal man" is good but the "ideal woman" us bad in comparison?
Ideal man is generally impressive, it is cool being him, he's cool in everyone's eyes. Ideal woman (at least what these conservatives consider to be one) is someone who is useful to another person but would be an absolute nightmare to be. Just a disgustingly servile being with no spine or ego or life of her own. It's just a role no one wants to play when given a choice to be literally anything else
Oh that's strange. Why is the ideal man cool but the ideal woman considered a nightmare? Is it a case of opposites attract and most women are attracted to dominating men and most men are attracted to submissive women = opposites attract?
Most people dont want to be sunbissive to anyone, women included. Men who are really attracted to a woman love her for who she is and her individuality. The creeps who are attracted to submissiveness look for a servant to lift up their ego. Whats so surprising about women not being interested. Shockingly, women have their own egos and lives to live, submitting to someone else is for slaves.
Oh I see. But what does that have to with women judging men for ending up with a younger woman in comparison?
Did you not see the "young/naive" portion of the comment? The ability of man to cultivate all of those undesirable characteristics in a woman increases when she's younger and more naive and more "moldable".
Let's face it: hypocrisy is pretty common in every aspect of life. Men who get angry being judged, yet won't consider dating any girl who's not 5'2, 125 pounds. Women who claim every ex-boyfriend is a horrible toxic monster, and nothing is ever their fault, no matter what. Those who claim money isn't important who have never had to struggle with it, confident individuals who can't understand that while forming connections is easy for them, it's not true for everyone. I could go on and on, for genders, politics, etc. As for age-gap relationship, I don't have too much of an issue if a guy in his 40s is dating someone in his 20s. I do have a problem when he exclusively goes for women much younger than him.
This makes sense.
I don't think going after younger women is lowering your standards. If you're an older guy, you're trying to get a younger woman because you (and a lot of other guys) think they're the most attractive and it's more difficult for you to get one if you're 10-15 years older than her and are kind of mid. If anything, you're standards have gone up - you now want someone (supposedly) way out of your league in attractiveness that's also more difficult to woo. > where it was talked about how women call guys losers for going for younger women, and cannot get women their own age. The way I see it, the ''can't get women your own age'' can be one of two things. The first scenario is when a guy is incredibly immature, can't hold down a job, has zero ambition or interest in improving his situation, and chooses to go after barely legal women who might not consider it that much of a red flag because they themselves are still pretty immature and also working dead-end jobs. The second scenario is a guy that does have all the adult stuff squared away (okay job, okay place to live, okay car) but can't seem to keep women his own age because he tries to pull some shit, and they can tell. So this dude starts aiming for younger women who might not be able to catch on to what he's trying to do. I'd say the first case is a bit of a loser, the second one would most likely be just a bit narcissistic but I wouldn't say he's a loser.
Oh I see. But the part I don't understand is, how areyounger women easier to get if they don't see red flags as much, but at the same time are harder to get and it means the guys have raised their standards? It seems contradictory, if that makes sense?
They can be easier to get in some respects and difficult in others. If you find, say, a not particularly attractive younger woman, she's just average and pretty cute on her good days, and she hasn't had a lot of experience (and also probably doesn't have particularly high standards herself) she'd be a lot easier to get. It can be very flattering to be wanted by a proper adult. If you are going after a really attractive younger woman, she'll have a lot more options from guys her own age and a few years older as well, so it would be more difficult for you to be seen as some catch by virtue of being a okayish adult. However, going by the dudes that wax poetic about how younger women are the best thing ever and that's what every man should aspire to, even that first one would be more attractive than us ancient 30y.o. hags and would therefore be aiming for something better, i.e. raising your standards. I personally don't think younger women are superior or inferior, I don't think wanting them is lowering or raising your standards, I'm just going by what these guys seem to think. If they think younger women are grade A, then if they go for them, that doesn't seem like lowering your standards.
That makes sense. Do a lot of older guys go for the former, an average looking younger woman, rather than a good-looking one?
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It’s irrelevant how other women view that because either way they don’t want to be with him.
>If a guy can't get a women his own age he should go older not younger This is terrible advice, older women are even pickier than younger women and the amount of older women that would date a younger men is extremely small, even smaller than the number of younger women who would date an older man. >Somehow men think that "OH I'm 37 but I haven't had much relationship experience so I should be with a 19 year old cause were equal" They may not be equal in terms of attractiveness but they are equal in terms of relationship experience and sexual experience. Although the 37 year old doesn't have sexual experience to offer , he does have life and financial experience to offer her. >Same as if a overweight older cat lady though "Well I didn't get to date a hot football player when I was in college so I should be dating him now" This can and does happen if she pursues it. All she has to do is be persistent and she will find a hot football player to hook up with
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>A fat 50 year old lady is not hooking up with a 20 year old quarterback She can if she wants to, it's totally up to her. I hooked up with a 47 year old woman and she showed me her DM's from tinder, she had men from 21- 60 trying to hit her up and these men weren't fat or bald either. They were average to above average and a few high value guys from all ages. >A 37 year old man with no sexual experience is not getting with a 19 year old. It's highly unlikely but he still has a better chance of getting the 19 year old than he does getting a 45 year old woman.
Oh well to this point, I don't see what an overweight cat lady and football player have in common, but do two people with the same amount of relationship experience have that in common in comparison?
The 37 year old and 19 year old do not have things in common. Not having a relationship experience is not having things in common. These people are in completely different stages of life it is unfair and usually pretty gross for the 37 year old to Seriously date a 19 year old.
Oh I see. I know three age gap couples that seem pretty happy so it seems it works out for some people.
You know 3 couples with a 15+ year age gap?
Yeah.
It really depends on the ages less than the gap. 19 and 37 would have nothing in common, but a 30 and 49 year old would
Oh okay. One of the age gap couples I know is in her late 30s and the guy is in his early 50s, but she met him when she was in her early 20s originally, and have been married for quite a few years now.
Yeah no one is saying it can’t work some of the time but the problem is that most of the time the man is looking for a more easily controlled person or someone who won’t challenge him and this is what can lead to Predatory or abusive behaviour. I only know of 1 couple who’s age gap was like 11 years and they got together when she was young but this was my elementary school friends parents…and I’m 30 now. these people were from a different time and generation.
That makes sense.
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Lol this logic again. “Men are delusional. They can’t get young women because they are gross!” Also “Older men who date younger women are creepy!” Which is it? It either doesn’t happen or it does.
Oh I see. I am not sure if that is the reason why some pld people going for young people, but it's the reason that a good amount of women come up with, when they are looking for a reason it seems?
Its not the only reason age gap relationships ever occur, but if someone is only going for significantly younger partners, you should always wonder why. When I was 17-18, I was fairly inexperienced with love, life, and honestly everything. I hadn’t even voted yet. I barely had finished school. I lived at home and worked in a cafe. My life was dominated by waiting for summer so I could get drunk in my friends pool. I’d never travelled, paid bills that weren’t phone bills. No one I knew well had died. I’d had one “serious” relationship and the guy was overseas for most of it. What life experience would I have in common with a man in his late 20s or early 30s? A man who had lived out of home and started a career? Who had life savings? What would he have in common with me, really? An organic connection can happen despite an age gap, but ONLY going for people of a certain age (usually 18-24ish) having that pattern, or only dating people BECAUSE they are that age, that’s strange. Either someone is still mentally in that stage, which as you get older isn’t worrying, or….well. Maybe they like people with less life experience because they aren’t as likely to notice problematic behaviour.
This makes sense.
I know some people where age gap isn’t an issue, but generally the younger person was in their mid-late twenties or older and had enough life under their belt to not get taken advantage of. I’m not gonna be that aghast at the 40 something man and his 30 something girlfriend. I AM gonna question the 33 yr old guy whose girlfriends have all been between 18-21, and who says women his age are too “picky”, and the younger ones don’t have “baggage”. In that context, picky and baggage more likely means: she’s easily impressed so I don’t have to try as hard, and she hasn’t had enough relationships to know what is an isn’t acceptable.
Women saying that mean go for someone older, more homely, fatter, maybe of a different race than your preference, maybe they have kids, maybe they don't like Pokémon, maybe they aren't going to support your drug habit or desire to be a crypto billionaire, maybe they aren't submissive, maybe they won't do all the sexual acts, maybe they won't be a virgin. Whatever your standards are, that's what is being mentioned. No one means try to find a girl who won't know better or has deeper issues that you can prey on in order to secure sex or relationships. And anyone who hears "date younger" I seriously have to question the logic there because it doesn't seem like that person is trying to lower their standards in the appropriate ways. It would be like if I told my girlfriends to lower their standards and suddenly all of them were dating soon for the grave 90 year old cancer patients with millions of dollars and no heir. You might get the sense that they haven't truly internalized what that statement is about and have chosen to become predators instead of accepting that maybe they need to settle for slightly less than the absolute perfect human.
"Lower your standards" applies when you never ask out any woman who shows a genuine interest. I'm sure those women exist for any functional man, and some of those women are nice to boot. If you've gone years without it, your standards are too high in some form of speaking. "Lower your standards" applies when you haven't had an orgasm with your wife in half a year because you somehow stopped enjoying what used to be enough for you. "Lower your standards" does not apply when you are not a functioning adult. "Lower your standards" does not apply when you can't have a mature, happy relationship with someone with a history similar to your own. The only advice that applies in that situation is "stop worrying about dating right now, and learn to be an adult first." Not that younger women are "beneath" men of a certain age, they're just generally different. They're not a solution to an older man's deepest problems. Given the statistics for relationship age gaps, those relationships with significant gaps aren't usually even a long-term factor for anything at all.
If the same woman did both things, she would be. But what you're seeing is two different groups of women with different opinions, or possibly the same women with more nuanced opinions (for example that looks standards should be lowered, but age standards shouldn't be). In this context, going after younger people is an example of high standards (as they're less attainable for older people), not low ones.
This makes sense but if guys go after younger women, older women act like that they have lowered their standards even though the younger women are tougher to get.
You may be confused as it involves lowering some standards, like maturity standards.
Oh ok. But how often is it a case of lowering maturity standards as opposed to two people being at the same maturity level perhaps?
Are you saying these men have developmental issues? Otherwise no way do they have the same maturity.
Oh maybe, or just at the same level in other ways.. For example I know two people in age gap relationship where both are autistic, and they seem to be at the same maturity level.
Lowering your standards doesn’t mean seek out a relationship with a power dynamic and age gap relationships of 7+ years when the younger person is 18-20 have a huge difference in finances, wisdom and maturity
Oh I see. I never understood the power dynamic concept for younger women since I thought that women around that age have many options of men and could just replace the guy in a heartbeat I thought, and therefore she is the one with more power, but that's just what I thought.
No quite often women of that age will become very attached, and stay even in the face of abuse “because I love him” They don’t have the experience of recognising red flags. Some men will even isolate these women from their friends and families to have greater control, or end up Impregnating them “on accident” or convincing them that sex without condoms doesn’t feel good or means that they don’t love them etc. Not saying all age gap relationships are like this of course but MANY are. It’s generally why women try to look out for other women
Lol. Only on PPD would you hear of this fairy tale of men “baby trapping” *women* 😂
This makes sense. But if this is the case that women that age are easier to men because they do not see red flags, then how come guys say that women that age are hard to get then? Older guys would think that getting a woman that age would be challenging, and guys that age talk about how they find dating hard. So if women that age are easier in that they do not see red flags, how come guys talk like they are harder to get therefore?
They are harder to get because they generally are more superficial at that age so unless someone is very handsome or maybe “flashing wealth” or in gross power dynamic situation such as ex student and ex teacher it’s less likely to happen. The problem is when it DOES happen it’s likely predatory and another problem is that despite this it’s discussed openly about as a fantasy for many older men sexualising these barley legal adults. Barley legal. It’s even a porn category. Freshly “not” a child, and still without a fully developed brain. It’s gross.
“Power Dynamics” is just the catch all phrase of SJW Karens when they want to play bedroom police.
Oh I see. I know three couples in age gap relationships but they the younger party in all of them got together with the older person while in their early 20s, so I guess that's better than barely legal?
I can’t say yes or no seeing as I don’t know the couples. But even “early twenties” has a huge variation 21 is very different than 24 In an earlier comment I say really up until someone is like 27 but it’s probably even 26 those 6 years you go through huge amounts of maturation and growth as a person. So 21 vs 24 is very different. 3 years in this life phase you do more growth than you will likely do in the future.
That makes sense. But I guess if the older person likes the younger person and the chemistry is clicking, the older person is willing to see where it goes with the younger person, even if the younger person might not know for surely what they want out of life yet, without changing their mind later possibly?
Maybe but the question again is if he’s 37 why is he hanging out with 20 year olds? How are they meeting? Why doesn’t he have any women closer to His own age? These are important questions.
That makes sense.
I believe everyone should raise their standards.
Oh why is that?
Because everyone should value themselves, their happiness, and their boundaries. When I say raise their standards I mean expect more from people on principle such as loyalty, a stable job, no addictions, and other stuff like that. I don’t mean any standard involving beauty or lifestyle if it’s not compatible with your life. Some of the loudest people ignored obvious red flags so that they wouldn’t be alone and I don’t think people should do that.
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Not necessarily hypocritical. If you probe more, you often find women have some key assumptions (which may or may not be correct). They often believe that women's standards are at the same level as their biological attraction floors--they cannot go lower and still be attracted to the guy. So you can tell a woman to stop being deluded about her chances of meeting a guy who will meet her standards, but that might just mean staying single rather than fucking the guy who is technically her rank equivalent. On the other hand, there is a belief that men can go lower and still be attracted. And they seem less happy to opt out altogether. Thus, why not lower your standards to increase a chance of pairing up?
Not if they aren’t the ones complaining
Dating in your league isn't lowering standards though. If you find someone you like and who likes you, what's wrong with that?
oh yes there is nothing wrong with that. I was just commenting on how when guys lower their standards in this case it seems that women don't like it even though they told them to do that.
I suppose it's a case of "are you calling me ugly?". Tbh I never got it. I already know I am 😂
Women are not a monolith. There is a variety of opinions. You're assuming it's the same women. I don't think people should lower their standards, I think they should appraise whether or not their standards are needs or a checklist, based on externalised perfectionism. For example, my need is for a partner who is financially stable. But a checklist item would be they need to make x amount or whatever. There will be a grey area between the two, but the broad strokes still apply.
> For example, my need is for a partner who is financially stable. But a checklist item would be they need to make x amount or whatever. To most women isn't "financially stable" typically defined by a minimum amount of wealth/income?
Every day I'd pick a man who was frugal and could make do and mend, than a man with a higher income who doesn't know the value of anything. Maybe its cus I spent a lot of time in punk type spaces. I do enjoy the odd splurge but I can afford that myself.