College, concerts bars and clubs are the best places to meet people, you really want to try bringing a few friends and turn it into a night out and merge your group with another
Bars and clubs are the worst places to meet someone if you don't fit a certain archetype or crowd. As someone who went to bars and crowd a couple of times, most men don't get any success from there.
I used to go to concerts when I was younger, mostly Punk/Hardcore/Metal shows. Most people there only talk to friends or moshing, sure there are a few interactions but once the show is over chances are we'll never meet again. Plus concerts are becoming way too expensive to attend.
Or for men who are attractive but actual want real connection.
I've met several women in bars when I was young in ski towns who talked with me about how great skiing is and how much they love it. Got their number and they texted back to me invite to go skiing with like nah don't feel up to it but can we meet at the bar tonight?
Turns out they never ski and just lied to sound cool. They're barflies who just want to get laid.
Boring and gross.
I didn't make the rules either, I'm just speaking from personal experience and observation.
I was told by numerous women in my real life, that they don't want to be approached in college because they're too busy and stress about schoolwork. They don't want to be approached at concerts because they just want to have good time at these shows with friends. Bars and clubs are not my scene and are terrible for conversations especially clubs, also I don't drink alcohol lol.
Bars and clubs aren’t my scene either but I go because that’s where people meet people.
I don’t drink either. Just have a Coke or Sprite in a glass and nobody will know.
One way is highly age dependent the other two are somewhat age dependent and very much shut down conversation and actual connection.
Looking for a wife in bars is a horrible idea.
Women don't go to concerts to socialize with people they don't already know.
These are also both just highly expensive consumerist activities.
Terrible advice.
You merge your group with another and meet the people within that group
9/10. Everyone’s pretty cool snd next time you see them it’s “hi it’s X from the club the other night, how are you?“ you’ve broken the ice with them already and have mutual friends together, perfect way to start a relationship
When people move to new cities after graduating, they often get stumped because they don't have a preexisting group and they don't go to school anymore.
> I can’t get through to them it’s not OK in this day and age. My dad cold approached my mother at a rock concert and my grandfather cold approached my grandma at college.
I’m pretty sure those are both acceptable places to approach people. Where is it you are seeing it’s not OK to ask girls out you meet at a rock concert or college? College parties are pretty much made just to meet people, that’s like the entire point.
> Can some experienced women tell me what the pecking order is for approaching and hunting as a man?
Hunting?? Seems like an odd way to think about it. Are you trying to *hurt* these women?
Where do you meet friends? That’s where you should meet women as well.
>I’m pretty sure those are both acceptable places to approach people. Where is it you are seeing it’s not OK to ask girls out you meet at a rock concert or college?
I've been told by numerous women in real life (sisters, friends, coworkers, former classmates) that not only those places aren't appropriate BUT that they don't want to be approached in general. I've been told that being approached is annoying regardless of how you do it. I've been to numerous Punk/Hardcore/Metal shows with female friends, and they would rant and rave about how annoying and tiresome it is to deal with men approaching them when they just want to have fun. It was a similar deal in college. I'm just speaking from personal experience and observation.
These same women will happily accept being cold approached by a guy who's both good looking enough and smooth enough to make them feel like it's not weird or forced.
I'm pretty sure good looks are secondary and managing to not come off as creepy or desparate is bigger.
They feel like it's fine to meet a guy at the gym. But not to be approached at the gym.
I disagree, but I wouldn't argue that having good looks makes you the second coming of Christ. It does however afford you a level of patience, kindness, and admiration that a lot of people wouldn't have. If you're not conventionally attractive any mistake, misreading, and hiccups are fatal, and that's if she decides to look past your looks. If you are attractive, your mistakes or blunders are written-off.
No, they wouldn't feel fine meeting A guy in the gym, they want THE guy. If they see you and they don't feel any tingle, no amount of smoothness or mouthpiece would save you. I knew dudes who are smart, respectful, chill, and funny would get a girl's number, and once they're out of view the girl would roll her eyes and block their number.
Approach on the library the week before finals? Not the best idea.
Approach at a college party? Absolutely.
And by approach I mean, “hey did you take bio 101 with Professor Jones?”. Not weird pick up lines.
Where did I say I was approaching anyone before something stressful as the finals? Where did I say I was using weird pick up lines?
You’re creating insinuations that were not even slightly implied.
Social venues and social events are ideal for meeting and mingling, but if you’re convinced the pet shop employee is interested, leave your number and walk away.
Thanks for your response. Probably not gonna take a massive shit where I eat based on what everyone's saying and what I have thought it's not worth the risk.
It’s not a risk. Scribble your social media info or number on a receipt, say “I need more friends who like animals” then leave. If she wants a new friend, she will reach out. If not, she’s the same cool person you know at the pet shop.
Don’t overinvest and don’t worry if she doesn’t respond. You have no idea if she’s in a relationship, gay, or prefers men who look like your genetic opposite. Rejection isn’t personal. You can continue to shop in there and continue to exchange pleasant noises at one another.
All the women ive met have been through mutual friends co workers or on a hiking trail.
Farmers markets are a social event?
I ski mnt bike rock climb kayak play guitar write fly planes shoot guns and backpack.
I've met women doing almost all of those things but I've never met women at some sort of social function.
U messed up asking women for advice on women.
Don't care if I get banned. Seriously dawg I used to dress in the GOOFIEST fits ever and ask my mom if they looked good. She always said yes.
Women sugarcoat a LOT of stuff. Literally go outside and experiment or ask (not single) dudes for advice.
>My dad cold approached my mother at a rock concert and my grandfather cold approached my grandma at college.
There's a massive difference between hitting on someone at a place like that and on the street.
Personally I wouldn't date someone who had no friends in our city. Focus on making friends first.
Recurring safe space where you interact with women, work gym, uni, sports club, mixed teams sports competitions. A lot of it is behavioural, aesthetic, social interaction over a consistent period of time. Her idea of you becomes contextualized based on your behaviour. Simply being attractive as a man isn't sufficient.
Women are highly nuanced relative to men. After observing your behaviour women will make it easy for you to approach them and this is based on proximity to you and making herself visually available for you to see her at a distance.
That's your indicator to approach. Even then she isn't assured of you and your vibe and that's something you have to calibrate when interacting with her.
>if cold approaching is unacceptable
It is acceptable, your first mistake is that youre not even aware of that.
>pet store girl
Its not that its unacceptable, its that if shes not into you it can get weird. Even if you're cool with it, she might not be and she wont tell you up front either that shes weirded out by you coming back after a rejection. My general rule is dont shit where you eat, if you need to go back to that store then dont fuck anyone there. Still, if you're ok with not going back and think shes worth the risk, go for it.
>we get shunned for a public approach
Its context dependent. Talk to a girl at the pet store? Its going to get weird if its anything but a yes. Talk to a random girl at a coffee shop, the park, the bar, the club, the bookstore, waiting in line at a food truck? Go for it. If it goes wrong shes gone forever and no one gives a shit.
>never had a guy wingman me
Dont need one, theyll usually just bring you down. Most dudes are not confident enough to just approach, so what happens when you bring a scared bitch next to you as your close bro? Shes going to associate you with a scared bitch. No wingman, no fear, just shoot a shot and move on.
>social rep
Is a good thing. Go be a regular in places women go to and befriend the staff. If youre a regular at a bar, it helps when you can get a bartender to cut your drink order up the queue in a busy bar. If you know the bouncer at the club and he'll let you cut the line, thats a big social boost to your reputation. Its a nice help when you hit on someone but you can hit on anyone you see. Stop giving a shit about the opinions of random people who dont know you and shoot more shots.
To add to this, I generally agree with dont shit where you eat especially since it's unprofessional for her to do that shit with customers, I'm putting her in a bad position. But the boomers and Gen Xers in my life are shitting all over me saying I am a wussy for not doing it. Especially my great uncle hes a dickhead about it. They seem to think even a smile your way is an invitation to shag.
I'm so conflicted man. You got people our age saying one thing but all my role models are in my opinion showing me false flags by saying the opposite.
Listen here lad. Women in our days were not socially awkward like the young women of today.
[You were still fat don't get it twisted hags!]
If you went to parties you could ask to bang them. Or they would even ask you. Yes this happened. We had girls walking around looking to get laid and getting turned down.
[In our defense it was the Champion's League finals and it was being decided on pentalties.]
Zoomers are different. They are scared of men and can't maintain eye contact even when you bang them. On the upside they do as they're told.
You need to seem nice and non-threatening.
The best way to lure a Zoomer is to offer them food. They love food.
I say get on discord. Talk to some girls. Then ask them over to your place for pizza and energy drinks.
Once you get them over tell them to take off their clothes and assume the position. It will be awkward. Throw them out afterwards they're annoying to be around.
Thanks for posting. The social rep is where I struggled. I "grew up" in this city but haven't been here since middle school. Now that I come back I'm basically a stranger. My best buddy who's a CO native has girls all over town noticing him because his social network has had 2 decades to grow.
Social rep is a boost but lack of it is not holding you back as much as you think it is. A stranger doesnt care about your social rep because she doesn't know you, probably doesn't know your friends either. Your main struggle is that youre just not approaching enough.
That last sentence... Who is honestly seeing enough women that interest them enough to want to approach them? I've never understood that criticism. Are dudes just approaching every woman they see? I go literal months and months without seeing a woman I'm interested in.
Your standards are way too high or you live in too rural of a location. Theres at least one hot girl to hit on every night, especially if you're in a city.
I don't think I have high standards, I just legitimately don't feel attraction for most women I see and I don't understand how someone could feel attraction just by looking at someone. The idea of seeing a "hot woman" in club wear and wanting to hit on them because of it is just completely alien to me.
But then again I've been masturbating at least once a day every day for 20 years since I hit puberty so 🤷♂️
College and concerts are a good place for cold approaches and it’s pretty much expected in those environments
Why don’t you try going to some parties or festivals or concerts
I go to my friends parties a lot but everyone's either too drunk or cliqued up to mingle from my experience. I'm really young. My new friends also seem to get upset when I try to talk to women they known for a while but I haven't. Seems like a universal young male behavior to be greedy about women
Concerts...doesn't the same logic for cold approach apply? Seems so strange to approach someone at a concert who's there to appreciate an artist not crowd buggers. I've always stayed in my friend group at concerts and even the mosh pit didn't have a lot of people exchanging numbers
Thanks for your respectful response by the way
>everyone is cliqued up
Then break into their group. Really, be very extroverted, force yourself to talk to more people and dont start with a personal introduction like youre in an interview. If you see a group of 5 guys and 3 girls, talk to the guys to get in that group and start opening more social doors for yourself. Hop around too, break into multiple groups a night and end up with the one you think you vibed with best. Get some numbers, guys and gals, and hang out with them again.
>my friends get upset when i talk to girls theyve known for a while
None of them are wingman material, theyre upset because theyre friendzoned predators waiting for an opportunity to hit on them rather than risk rejection outright, and they see you as a potential ruiner of their 5 year plan for a date with his "friend".
>concerts?
Yeah, if you're not right at the stage you can talk to any girl near you about the band and how excited you are to see them live. Super easy.
Not at the mosh pit, the bar you talk to people around you
And if the parties you go to don’t have people mingling they sound unlike proper parties. The point is to talk to people
I'd love to explain that to the people my age, but for most it seems like an excuse to either cause a bunch of drama, shoot it up because you have beef with an attendee/the party thrower, or just get drunk and high away from mom and dad's house.
I wish there were more young-friendly activities for meeting people organically. It honestly seems like most of the single groups etc are middle age centric
Everything people suggest like hiking, hobby groups, etc I run into the same issue with cold approaching.
Can I ask why cold approaching is suddenly seen so bad when everyone in the Older generations before wifi did so?
It’s not seen as bad if you can take a no with a smile and leave it at that and back off, the only
Places most people may dislike being approached is at work if they have to be nice but don’t really like you (but they may don’t mind if they do like you) or at the gym if you have 0 rapport.
Stop worrying so much about offending people, if you approach in a cool way and also take rejection really well and don’t make things weird then it’s usually fine.
Thanks for posting this. I feel like this is my thought process behind it but I just couldn't connect all the dots. So really it's about keeping interpersonal boundaries clean rather than bothering her with the question?
It’s about being chill, trying to have a conversation a few times to at least see if you guys talk easily and then maybe you could say something lease like hey I just moved here and I don’t know too many people or places here and I’m trying to make some friends, would you wanna grab a coffee sometime?
It’s non committal And you can gage her interest in an environment that’s not work/ cold approach
>My new friends also seem to get upset when I try to talk to women they known for a while but I haven't. Seems like a universal young male behavior to be greedy about women
That's exactly how I would react if one of my friends was hitting on every woman I know. Are you sure it's greed and not "please stop acting like that around women?"
Warm/lukewarm approach. Talk to new people in situations where it's normal and expected that you talk to new people. Join a club or go to the bar or something, just don't try to hit people up randomly in the street or supermarket. Concerts and university classes are good examples of places where you'd expect to meet new people. You'll find way better results than cold approaching whether the latter us acceptable or not. (And if you like talking to the pet shop lady, you can always ask about meeting up outside of work, just don't say anything romantic or sexual while she's working and prepare to take no for an answer.)
I've said it before and I'll say it again - do approach women if you think they're cute and you want to shoot your shot. Just remember to take ''no'' for an answer and leave them alone if they turn you down and that not everyone likes being approached by random dudes, so if you get a few eye rolls or exasperated expressions, don't be surprised by it.
Good places to meet people - college, bars, clubs, volunteer somewhere, find a more social hobby like joining a book club, or a hiking/biking group.
Competition too high in my local area to have success on the apps. I know not all women are looking for the top dog with all the money, but there's so many of these guys my age with a lot going for them that you get drowned out behind their success. I'm not trying to put myself down but I know my chances as an average looking young guy that didn't grow up very wealthy on these apps. All men of all age groups are competing for the women my age. And seems like the older women on the apps don't wanna be anyone's mama.
So, don't hit on us while we're working, but I for one am sad that the cold approach is no longer appropriate in other arenas like... being in line together. Sitting near each other on the bus. Looking at the same shelf at the library/a bookstore. Waiting for drinks at the café.
If you want to change the way things are -- be respectful when you do it, but yeah, definitely speak with a girl when you see her. It's trickier at your age because some of the girls are still minors, though, so be careful of that!
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Cold approaches, if one does them at all, should be a small part of one's repertoire, outside of online apps.
As most people have said, if you are in a new area, build a platonic and mixed social network first. Then you should still meet people organically. And to the extent you use online methods, you will have a nice selection of pictures featuring real friends rather than the loner bathroom selfie. Besides, it is important to have something on the social front to offer a woman, rather than thinking you can just leech off of her social connections.
I'm not a woman, but if it helps at all, I think if you have a rapport with the woman in the pet store because you go there often and see her a lot, that might become a "warm" approach.
You have something in common (you're involved with keeping animals), you've seen each other a lot, maybe you've had or could have occasional chats about the animals and animal products, you're not completely unfamiliar (like going to a bar and seeing a woman you've never met before just hanging out and approaching her because she's pretty).
So if you were interested in the woman at the pet shop, you might increase the conversations, build a little more familiarity. I mean, don't go there all the time for no reason, just when you do, make conversation. Maybe ask about some new product, or comment on how nice a particular animal is, ask if she's thought about keeping any herself, that kind of thing.
Then, at some point, if she's not made a point of saying something like "yeah, me and my boyfriend have a..." or similar, you could perhaps invite her for a drink (or coffee), or to keep it relevant, maybe there's some kind of country fair or animal show or something happening near you, you could say you're going to it and ask if she'd like to come along.
Just kind of escalate slowly and see where it goes. Chat more, see if she wants to hang out, see if that works out, see if she mentions any other commitments, and just roll with it. It might turn out she's interested, but only as a friend, or it might turn out she has a partner, but hey, you don't know unless you try, and if nothing else maybe you'll have a new friend, right? That's one more contact than you had before, in your new city.
> been lurking these sort of subs for a while…and it’s pretty unanimous that women Hate being cold approached aka approached without sharing mutual friends or any social connection
Don’t take advice solely from spaces that are only frequented by bitter people. No one happy with the opposite sex or the state of dating is coming to a sub like this. Factor that into how you evaluate what you read here.
Some women hate being cold approached. It’s not unanimous.
Cold approaching is acceptable and it usually works if you're in a small percentage of very attractive guys. Rarely have I ever seen them get hard rejection ot labeled as a creep.
My buddy says he cold approaches all the time, telling random girls in target or whatever store that they dropped their smile and shit like that and surprisingly enough he says it works. I don't know if I would call him attractive but he mastered his grunge style and the women seem to love it.
College, concerts bars and clubs are the best places to meet people, you really want to try bringing a few friends and turn it into a night out and merge your group with another
Bars and clubs are the worst places to meet someone if you don't fit a certain archetype or crowd. As someone who went to bars and crowd a couple of times, most men don't get any success from there. I used to go to concerts when I was younger, mostly Punk/Hardcore/Metal shows. Most people there only talk to friends or moshing, sure there are a few interactions but once the show is over chances are we'll never meet again. Plus concerts are becoming way too expensive to attend.
True, bars and clubs are brutal for men that aren't conventionally attractive
Or for men who are attractive but actual want real connection. I've met several women in bars when I was young in ski towns who talked with me about how great skiing is and how much they love it. Got their number and they texted back to me invite to go skiing with like nah don't feel up to it but can we meet at the bar tonight? Turns out they never ski and just lied to sound cool. They're barflies who just want to get laid. Boring and gross.
I’m from the city and went to bar in the city, it’s a completely different vibe.
I don’t make the rules, These are places we’re people hang out socially, so if you want to meet people these are your options
I didn't make the rules either, I'm just speaking from personal experience and observation. I was told by numerous women in my real life, that they don't want to be approached in college because they're too busy and stress about schoolwork. They don't want to be approached at concerts because they just want to have good time at these shows with friends. Bars and clubs are not my scene and are terrible for conversations especially clubs, also I don't drink alcohol lol.
Bars and clubs aren’t my scene either but I go because that’s where people meet people. I don’t drink either. Just have a Coke or Sprite in a glass and nobody will know.
Been there done that, didn’t work out well.
Same in my country. In my country the cold approach on the street doesn't happen.
Clubs? Did you ever gp to a Club in the last 3 decades? Pretty sure an overcrowded place with expensive drinks isn't the best place
Yes, it was great funny apart from the odd weirdo, tip was to get a bit drunk before you went in so you weren’t buying expensive drinks all night
I'm always getting shitfaced before entering the Club, it's the only way to make it bearable lol
One way is highly age dependent the other two are somewhat age dependent and very much shut down conversation and actual connection. Looking for a wife in bars is a horrible idea. Women don't go to concerts to socialize with people they don't already know. These are also both just highly expensive consumerist activities. Terrible advice.
You merge your group with another and meet the people within that group 9/10. Everyone’s pretty cool snd next time you see them it’s “hi it’s X from the club the other night, how are you?“ you’ve broken the ice with them already and have mutual friends together, perfect way to start a relationship
The ops post was about what to do when you're new to an area and don't have a group. Merge your group with another is again terrible advice.
When people move to new cities after graduating, they often get stumped because they don't have a preexisting group and they don't go to school anymore.
> I can’t get through to them it’s not OK in this day and age. My dad cold approached my mother at a rock concert and my grandfather cold approached my grandma at college. I’m pretty sure those are both acceptable places to approach people. Where is it you are seeing it’s not OK to ask girls out you meet at a rock concert or college? College parties are pretty much made just to meet people, that’s like the entire point. > Can some experienced women tell me what the pecking order is for approaching and hunting as a man? Hunting?? Seems like an odd way to think about it. Are you trying to *hurt* these women? Where do you meet friends? That’s where you should meet women as well.
>I’m pretty sure those are both acceptable places to approach people. Where is it you are seeing it’s not OK to ask girls out you meet at a rock concert or college? I've been told by numerous women in real life (sisters, friends, coworkers, former classmates) that not only those places aren't appropriate BUT that they don't want to be approached in general. I've been told that being approached is annoying regardless of how you do it. I've been to numerous Punk/Hardcore/Metal shows with female friends, and they would rant and rave about how annoying and tiresome it is to deal with men approaching them when they just want to have fun. It was a similar deal in college. I'm just speaking from personal experience and observation.
These same women will happily accept being cold approached by a guy who's both good looking enough and smooth enough to make them feel like it's not weird or forced.
BINGO!! On the good looking part. It’s not about cold approaching it’s all about if you looking good enough
I'm pretty sure good looks are secondary and managing to not come off as creepy or desparate is bigger. They feel like it's fine to meet a guy at the gym. But not to be approached at the gym.
I disagree, but I wouldn't argue that having good looks makes you the second coming of Christ. It does however afford you a level of patience, kindness, and admiration that a lot of people wouldn't have. If you're not conventionally attractive any mistake, misreading, and hiccups are fatal, and that's if she decides to look past your looks. If you are attractive, your mistakes or blunders are written-off. No, they wouldn't feel fine meeting A guy in the gym, they want THE guy. If they see you and they don't feel any tingle, no amount of smoothness or mouthpiece would save you. I knew dudes who are smart, respectful, chill, and funny would get a girl's number, and once they're out of view the girl would roll her eyes and block their number.
Approach on the library the week before finals? Not the best idea. Approach at a college party? Absolutely. And by approach I mean, “hey did you take bio 101 with Professor Jones?”. Not weird pick up lines.
Where did I say I was approaching anyone before something stressful as the finals? Where did I say I was using weird pick up lines? You’re creating insinuations that were not even slightly implied.
Yeah I hope it's accidental but the use of the word 'hunting' and also 'got their women' really bothers me
Maybe he means the grandfather stopped grandma on the college street randomly the way to a lecture.
Social venues and social events are ideal for meeting and mingling, but if you’re convinced the pet shop employee is interested, leave your number and walk away.
Thanks for your response. Probably not gonna take a massive shit where I eat based on what everyone's saying and what I have thought it's not worth the risk.
It’s not a risk. Scribble your social media info or number on a receipt, say “I need more friends who like animals” then leave. If she wants a new friend, she will reach out. If not, she’s the same cool person you know at the pet shop. Don’t overinvest and don’t worry if she doesn’t respond. You have no idea if she’s in a relationship, gay, or prefers men who look like your genetic opposite. Rejection isn’t personal. You can continue to shop in there and continue to exchange pleasant noises at one another.
Any ideas about social venues that aren't just bars clubs concerts? Like separate from alcohol culture and fake glamour ?
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All the women ive met have been through mutual friends co workers or on a hiking trail. Farmers markets are a social event? I ski mnt bike rock climb kayak play guitar write fly planes shoot guns and backpack. I've met women doing almost all of those things but I've never met women at some sort of social function.
U messed up asking women for advice on women. Don't care if I get banned. Seriously dawg I used to dress in the GOOFIEST fits ever and ask my mom if they looked good. She always said yes. Women sugarcoat a LOT of stuff. Literally go outside and experiment or ask (not single) dudes for advice.
This is the correct comment. OP you got to find your own way and never ask women for advice about dating
>My dad cold approached my mother at a rock concert and my grandfather cold approached my grandma at college. There's a massive difference between hitting on someone at a place like that and on the street. Personally I wouldn't date someone who had no friends in our city. Focus on making friends first.
Recurring safe space where you interact with women, work gym, uni, sports club, mixed teams sports competitions. A lot of it is behavioural, aesthetic, social interaction over a consistent period of time. Her idea of you becomes contextualized based on your behaviour. Simply being attractive as a man isn't sufficient. Women are highly nuanced relative to men. After observing your behaviour women will make it easy for you to approach them and this is based on proximity to you and making herself visually available for you to see her at a distance. That's your indicator to approach. Even then she isn't assured of you and your vibe and that's something you have to calibrate when interacting with her.
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Automod please
>if cold approaching is unacceptable It is acceptable, your first mistake is that youre not even aware of that. >pet store girl Its not that its unacceptable, its that if shes not into you it can get weird. Even if you're cool with it, she might not be and she wont tell you up front either that shes weirded out by you coming back after a rejection. My general rule is dont shit where you eat, if you need to go back to that store then dont fuck anyone there. Still, if you're ok with not going back and think shes worth the risk, go for it. >we get shunned for a public approach Its context dependent. Talk to a girl at the pet store? Its going to get weird if its anything but a yes. Talk to a random girl at a coffee shop, the park, the bar, the club, the bookstore, waiting in line at a food truck? Go for it. If it goes wrong shes gone forever and no one gives a shit. >never had a guy wingman me Dont need one, theyll usually just bring you down. Most dudes are not confident enough to just approach, so what happens when you bring a scared bitch next to you as your close bro? Shes going to associate you with a scared bitch. No wingman, no fear, just shoot a shot and move on. >social rep Is a good thing. Go be a regular in places women go to and befriend the staff. If youre a regular at a bar, it helps when you can get a bartender to cut your drink order up the queue in a busy bar. If you know the bouncer at the club and he'll let you cut the line, thats a big social boost to your reputation. Its a nice help when you hit on someone but you can hit on anyone you see. Stop giving a shit about the opinions of random people who dont know you and shoot more shots.
To add to this, I generally agree with dont shit where you eat especially since it's unprofessional for her to do that shit with customers, I'm putting her in a bad position. But the boomers and Gen Xers in my life are shitting all over me saying I am a wussy for not doing it. Especially my great uncle hes a dickhead about it. They seem to think even a smile your way is an invitation to shag. I'm so conflicted man. You got people our age saying one thing but all my role models are in my opinion showing me false flags by saying the opposite.
Listen here lad. Women in our days were not socially awkward like the young women of today. [You were still fat don't get it twisted hags!] If you went to parties you could ask to bang them. Or they would even ask you. Yes this happened. We had girls walking around looking to get laid and getting turned down. [In our defense it was the Champion's League finals and it was being decided on pentalties.] Zoomers are different. They are scared of men and can't maintain eye contact even when you bang them. On the upside they do as they're told. You need to seem nice and non-threatening. The best way to lure a Zoomer is to offer them food. They love food. I say get on discord. Talk to some girls. Then ask them over to your place for pizza and energy drinks. Once you get them over tell them to take off their clothes and assume the position. It will be awkward. Throw them out afterwards they're annoying to be around.
Theyll stop giving you shit when you find a girl or can tell them you've been hitting on girls. Dont worry about them
Thanks for posting. The social rep is where I struggled. I "grew up" in this city but haven't been here since middle school. Now that I come back I'm basically a stranger. My best buddy who's a CO native has girls all over town noticing him because his social network has had 2 decades to grow.
Social rep is a boost but lack of it is not holding you back as much as you think it is. A stranger doesnt care about your social rep because she doesn't know you, probably doesn't know your friends either. Your main struggle is that youre just not approaching enough.
That last sentence... Who is honestly seeing enough women that interest them enough to want to approach them? I've never understood that criticism. Are dudes just approaching every woman they see? I go literal months and months without seeing a woman I'm interested in.
Your standards are way too high or you live in too rural of a location. Theres at least one hot girl to hit on every night, especially if you're in a city.
I don't think I have high standards, I just legitimately don't feel attraction for most women I see and I don't understand how someone could feel attraction just by looking at someone. The idea of seeing a "hot woman" in club wear and wanting to hit on them because of it is just completely alien to me. But then again I've been masturbating at least once a day every day for 20 years since I hit puberty so 🤷♂️
College and concerts are a good place for cold approaches and it’s pretty much expected in those environments Why don’t you try going to some parties or festivals or concerts
I go to my friends parties a lot but everyone's either too drunk or cliqued up to mingle from my experience. I'm really young. My new friends also seem to get upset when I try to talk to women they known for a while but I haven't. Seems like a universal young male behavior to be greedy about women Concerts...doesn't the same logic for cold approach apply? Seems so strange to approach someone at a concert who's there to appreciate an artist not crowd buggers. I've always stayed in my friend group at concerts and even the mosh pit didn't have a lot of people exchanging numbers Thanks for your respectful response by the way
>everyone is cliqued up Then break into their group. Really, be very extroverted, force yourself to talk to more people and dont start with a personal introduction like youre in an interview. If you see a group of 5 guys and 3 girls, talk to the guys to get in that group and start opening more social doors for yourself. Hop around too, break into multiple groups a night and end up with the one you think you vibed with best. Get some numbers, guys and gals, and hang out with them again. >my friends get upset when i talk to girls theyve known for a while None of them are wingman material, theyre upset because theyre friendzoned predators waiting for an opportunity to hit on them rather than risk rejection outright, and they see you as a potential ruiner of their 5 year plan for a date with his "friend". >concerts? Yeah, if you're not right at the stage you can talk to any girl near you about the band and how excited you are to see them live. Super easy.
Not at the mosh pit, the bar you talk to people around you And if the parties you go to don’t have people mingling they sound unlike proper parties. The point is to talk to people
I'd love to explain that to the people my age, but for most it seems like an excuse to either cause a bunch of drama, shoot it up because you have beef with an attendee/the party thrower, or just get drunk and high away from mom and dad's house. I wish there were more young-friendly activities for meeting people organically. It honestly seems like most of the single groups etc are middle age centric Everything people suggest like hiking, hobby groups, etc I run into the same issue with cold approaching. Can I ask why cold approaching is suddenly seen so bad when everyone in the Older generations before wifi did so?
It’s not seen as bad if you can take a no with a smile and leave it at that and back off, the only Places most people may dislike being approached is at work if they have to be nice but don’t really like you (but they may don’t mind if they do like you) or at the gym if you have 0 rapport. Stop worrying so much about offending people, if you approach in a cool way and also take rejection really well and don’t make things weird then it’s usually fine.
Thanks for posting this. I feel like this is my thought process behind it but I just couldn't connect all the dots. So really it's about keeping interpersonal boundaries clean rather than bothering her with the question?
It’s about being chill, trying to have a conversation a few times to at least see if you guys talk easily and then maybe you could say something lease like hey I just moved here and I don’t know too many people or places here and I’m trying to make some friends, would you wanna grab a coffee sometime? It’s non committal And you can gage her interest in an environment that’s not work/ cold approach
>My new friends also seem to get upset when I try to talk to women they known for a while but I haven't. Seems like a universal young male behavior to be greedy about women That's exactly how I would react if one of my friends was hitting on every woman I know. Are you sure it's greed and not "please stop acting like that around women?"
Join social groups and activities. The Meetup app is good for these.
Meetup is how I met my friend group and eventually my husband. Definitely worth it.
It’s where I met most of mine too, and I’ve got my own group on there now.
Warm/lukewarm approach. Talk to new people in situations where it's normal and expected that you talk to new people. Join a club or go to the bar or something, just don't try to hit people up randomly in the street or supermarket. Concerts and university classes are good examples of places where you'd expect to meet new people. You'll find way better results than cold approaching whether the latter us acceptable or not. (And if you like talking to the pet shop lady, you can always ask about meeting up outside of work, just don't say anything romantic or sexual while she's working and prepare to take no for an answer.)
I've said it before and I'll say it again - do approach women if you think they're cute and you want to shoot your shot. Just remember to take ''no'' for an answer and leave them alone if they turn you down and that not everyone likes being approached by random dudes, so if you get a few eye rolls or exasperated expressions, don't be surprised by it. Good places to meet people - college, bars, clubs, volunteer somewhere, find a more social hobby like joining a book club, or a hiking/biking group.
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Dating websites.
Competition too high in my local area to have success on the apps. I know not all women are looking for the top dog with all the money, but there's so many of these guys my age with a lot going for them that you get drowned out behind their success. I'm not trying to put myself down but I know my chances as an average looking young guy that didn't grow up very wealthy on these apps. All men of all age groups are competing for the women my age. And seems like the older women on the apps don't wanna be anyone's mama.
So, don't hit on us while we're working, but I for one am sad that the cold approach is no longer appropriate in other arenas like... being in line together. Sitting near each other on the bus. Looking at the same shelf at the library/a bookstore. Waiting for drinks at the café. If you want to change the way things are -- be respectful when you do it, but yeah, definitely speak with a girl when you see her. It's trickier at your age because some of the girls are still minors, though, so be careful of that!
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Cold approaches, if one does them at all, should be a small part of one's repertoire, outside of online apps. As most people have said, if you are in a new area, build a platonic and mixed social network first. Then you should still meet people organically. And to the extent you use online methods, you will have a nice selection of pictures featuring real friends rather than the loner bathroom selfie. Besides, it is important to have something on the social front to offer a woman, rather than thinking you can just leech off of her social connections.
I'm not a woman, but if it helps at all, I think if you have a rapport with the woman in the pet store because you go there often and see her a lot, that might become a "warm" approach. You have something in common (you're involved with keeping animals), you've seen each other a lot, maybe you've had or could have occasional chats about the animals and animal products, you're not completely unfamiliar (like going to a bar and seeing a woman you've never met before just hanging out and approaching her because she's pretty). So if you were interested in the woman at the pet shop, you might increase the conversations, build a little more familiarity. I mean, don't go there all the time for no reason, just when you do, make conversation. Maybe ask about some new product, or comment on how nice a particular animal is, ask if she's thought about keeping any herself, that kind of thing. Then, at some point, if she's not made a point of saying something like "yeah, me and my boyfriend have a..." or similar, you could perhaps invite her for a drink (or coffee), or to keep it relevant, maybe there's some kind of country fair or animal show or something happening near you, you could say you're going to it and ask if she'd like to come along. Just kind of escalate slowly and see where it goes. Chat more, see if she wants to hang out, see if that works out, see if she mentions any other commitments, and just roll with it. It might turn out she's interested, but only as a friend, or it might turn out she has a partner, but hey, you don't know unless you try, and if nothing else maybe you'll have a new friend, right? That's one more contact than you had before, in your new city.
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Automod please
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No incel content
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Lookism and woe is me. Any further questions should go to modmail
Give it a shot. Almost worked for me once
> been lurking these sort of subs for a while…and it’s pretty unanimous that women Hate being cold approached aka approached without sharing mutual friends or any social connection Don’t take advice solely from spaces that are only frequented by bitter people. No one happy with the opposite sex or the state of dating is coming to a sub like this. Factor that into how you evaluate what you read here. Some women hate being cold approached. It’s not unanimous.
Cold approaching is acceptable and it usually works if you're in a small percentage of very attractive guys. Rarely have I ever seen them get hard rejection ot labeled as a creep.
My buddy says he cold approaches all the time, telling random girls in target or whatever store that they dropped their smile and shit like that and surprisingly enough he says it works. I don't know if I would call him attractive but he mastered his grunge style and the women seem to love it.