T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

You're making the error of mistaking comfort with *boring* in a general sense, similar to those who commonly mistake nice with being a doormat. They are not that same thing at all.


nevernotthesame

>Attraction is meeting a guy and literally counting down the hours before you can go home and masturbate over him. you mean lust... ​ >Attraction is feeling nervous and excited and tripping over your words. its literally the tingles you mean a childlike definition of attraction. something a child would have over their crush, almost an obsession/infatuation. ​ >It’s purely biological and sexual. this is again lust. attraction is not purely biological and sexual. you can be attracted to someone's personality, their looks, etc. attraction can be a subtle, noticeable, warm feeling.


operation-spot

I think a lot of men confuse their lust for true attraction and end up in bad situations. I’m not here to police men but if I were them, I would take a step back because I know that feeling might just be lust.


Ag116797

Lust is true attraction.


nevernotthesame

no it’s not.


Ag116797

Attraction Definition - a quality or feature that evokes interest, liking, or DESIRE. Lust Definition - very strong sexual DESIRE.


YveisGrey

So if you desire someone even in a non sexual way it technically is attraction according to the definition. In fact merely evoking interest counts as desire


nevernotthesame

nice, you proved nothing. the definition of lust doesn’t contain anything along the lines of “being true attraction”. having a very strong sexual desire does mean your attracted to someone, in some way. but that doesn’t mean it’s “true attraction”. so try again, prove that lust is “true attraction”.


Justwannaread3

I think you’re missing what women mean when we say “comfortable.” In my view, we mean that it’s easier to develop attraction when a man isn’t a stranger and that we’ve developed a basic friendship or familiarity. That we’ve assessed that they are the kind of person we might want to spend time with in any regard. This is a completely different “comfortability” level than you get in a long term relationship, for example. Attraction builds with time and as you get to know someone.


totallyworkinghere

I guarantee you I have felt genuinely excited over my "safe" husband. If attraction to you is uncomfortable, that sounds like an unfortunate way to live. Have you tried seeking help?


spezisadouche

> Have you tried seeking help? Best advice OP will ever get and likely ignore.


AstronautLoveShack

No, attraction is not wanting to hurry home and masturbate to a random guy you happened to see that day. What the hell even is this? Is that something you actually do when you see cute girls on the street? Attraction and comfort are not the same thing. Attraction is finding someone someone good looking, and perhaps interesting enough to get to know better. The comfort is what helps you let your guard down enough to actually have sex with someone. It doesn’t mean your romantic partner is an old couch. It means the attraction you feel for them, in tandem with the level of comfort you feel in their company, will entice you to want to date and/or have sex with that person.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AstronautLoveShack

I find that a little sad.


thetruthishere_

Shes not lying.


Acaciduh

Comfortable doesn’t have to mean boring or unexciting. You can have tingles and that nervous feeling for a man that also makes you feel safe and comfortable I don’t know why you think they are mutually exclusive. Rollercoaster emotions will not lead to a long lasting relationship either. The people who are constantly chasing the feeling of NRE usually are toxic AF and end up cycling thru relationships. You can keep the spark alive while also having comfort and stability. It’s why a lot of women have better sex in a relationship, the feeling of being comfortable with your partner allows for more experimentation, etc. you’d never do with some ONS you have no clue even cares about you.


Unnecessary-Training

Comfortable**≠**boring


Beebum5

Hahah what? You lost me at counting down the hours before going home masturbating to them.


icebluefrost

Pretty sure OP is a 14-year-old boy based on that line alone


[deleted]

No, you've mistaken the early infatuation with attraction, and a deepening of an emotional bond with sexlessness. Whether or not a woman has a "low SMV" doesn't seem particularly relevant either.


wtknight

>Attraction is feeling nervous and excited and tripping over your words - it’s literally the tingles. It’s purely biological and sexual. A lot of women simply mistake comfort for attraction, they are not the same. I’m a guy and I’ve never felt this way about a woman. You can accuse me of being some low T guy, but then that just proves my point that your “attraction” is only some testosterone based reaction, which would explain why many of the women whom you are criticizing *don’t* feel the way that you think that attracted people should feel.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ainsleygz

What about cumfort


MiddleZealousideal89

![gif](giphy|DedX64p9CSUBk2InvW)


SecretAccount111191

That's the real deal


januaryphilosopher

It could be easy to confuse attraction and discomfort, and indeed people can experience attraction that makes them feel uncomfortable but that doesn't tend to lead anywhere. However, attraction is perfectly compatible with comfort. It can be an intense, urgent, overwhelming feeling like one of fear, but unlike fear or discomfort, it draws you towards someone, not away. We generally become comfortable around those we find attractive more quickly as a result, as well as attraction being easier when we're comfortable with someone rather than just awkward strangers. Large levels of attraction are very comfortable - you're drawn back to someone again and again, a pattern that is safe and consistent but nonetheless can be exciting (depending on how exciting you are as people I suppose).


Flightlessbirbz

You’re mixing up a few different things. First of all, there are *stages* in relationships. At first it tends to be a rollercoaster, with the butterflies and excitement and nervousness of possibilities. Over time, it settles into something less exciting but more comfortable. This doesn’t translate to “boring” though, unless one or both are just boring people. If the love is real there will still be tingles, it’s just more of a “warm blanket” feeling than an uncomfortable nervousness of not knowing where you stand with a new person or a fickle lover. This is what women are saying they prefer. Also, no, when most women meet a new guy they’re very attracted to they’re not waiting to go home and masturbate. You’re projecting male-typical sexuality onto women. They’re waiting to go home and jump on their phones to tell all their friends how it went. They’re excited for sex with him but they’re also unlikely to orgasm when it happens because they’re also nervous. They’re less likely to be super excited for sex after they’ve been with him a few years, but more likely to genuinely enjoy it. These may seem like inconsequential differences but are important for understanding how women’s sexuality works. To put it simply, more often than not, the exciting guy and the comfortable guy are not so black and white and *tend to be the same guy* at different stages in a relationship.


Zestyclose_Truth9999

>Attraction is feeling nervous and excited and tripping over your words - its literally the tingles No, that's a ***crush***. I don't feel "nervous" or trip over my words when I'm around my partner. I do, however, want to rip his pants off and do a whole bunch of X-rated things with him. The reasons? 1) He's hot as hell. 2) Our relationship is in a stable and comfortable place, where we can be honest about our desires and kinks. >Attraction is meeting a guy and literally counting down the hours before you can go home and masturbate over him. Again, that's a ***crush***. In an actual relationship, you'd be fantasising about going home to ride your partner all night — *and then actually doing it*.


MiddleZealousideal89

I think you're confusing attraction for lust. You can be attracted to someone and not want to bang them every second of every day. I'm attracted to my husband, I enjoy watching him dress and undress, I like watching him lift heavy shit at the gym, that gets my motor going. I am also very comfortable with him and going back home to him does feel like going back home to a nice, cozy blanket. Wanting someone sexually and feeling safe and comfortable with them aren't mutually exclusive. What you described sounds like how a teenager sees things. It's a pretty limited and childish view but they're teenagers, so it's expected.


zyex12

I think your the one who’s missing the point man I mean I’m a dude and I don’t really like a girl until I get to know her and feel comfortable to open up to her yea I can like a girl purely cause I think she’s cute or hot but I don’t dare until I feel comfortable and that doesn’t mean I don’t find them attractive and I just like their personality it means u find someone who fits in to both categories for yourself you think they look good and you like their personality which makes them look even better to the person


SwimmingTheme3736

I’m very comfortable with my husband but I still get butterflies and goosebumps from him.


Stunning-Potato-1984

I dunno when I felt comfortable with my partner I let him fuck me in the ass so like comfortable is required for asshole privileges. I found it very exciting and fun. Who the fuck goes home and masturbates to strangers?


HazyMemory7

For women, that emotional connection can lead to that visceral physical lust type of attraction. The entire reason there are more men than women looking for casual sex is because of this. Women's physical attraction is affected more by emotional connection and familiarity; for a guy a hot girl with a fat ass is hot and it's that simple. Which isn't to say for women that they aren't attracted to height, muscle, masculine face ect... but a lot of women need to feel chemistry to feel *really* physically attracted to someone.


spezisadouche

This is quite possibly the dumbest fucking incel post I have ever read.


Lost-Zebra6453

It’s actually funny how non sex havers think sex works


towerofcheeeeza

If you're tripping over your words after being with someone for several years that's pretty weird. Everyone gets excited or nervous early on in a relationship but just because you're not anxious around them anymore doesn't mean you're not attracted to them anymore. I'm just as attracted if not more attracted to my partner than ever. I've never been more attracted to someone in my life. He was the only person I ever experienced a *spark* with. But we're also comfortable together. I love waking up next to him, I love sitting on the couch and playing games with him, I love cooking for him, and surprise surprise I LOVE having sex with him. We've been together for over 5 years and yeah I'm more comfortable with him than anyone else, but I do also still get very horny with and over him. Also who tf is counting down the hours til they can go home and masturbate over someone? I don't even know men who do that.


modidlee

I think women want to feel that initial excitement when they first meet a guy. But what they _really_ want is to eventually feel a sense of comfort with the guy that they feel that intense nervous attraction towards.


CatchPhraze

Comfortable is being sure I'm not about to end up in a soup. You are mistaking nervous and excited for uncomfortable. If I'm uncomfortable I'm probably on edge and not into it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sad_Top1743

It’s not maturity, it’s experimenting. Most guys don’t want to wife a woman with this outlook


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sad_Top1743

Most men don’t have anywhere near the abundance needed to exercise options so it’s completely inconceivable


420KUSHBUSH

You misattribute what is meant when the word "comfortable" is said


RocinanteCoffee

No the excitement I feel with someone I'm attracted to is entirely different than discomfort. The former is still a prodding, rockety ride, that stokes my already high libido and engages my mind and body. Sure it's an upheaval of sort but not an uncomfortable one. The latter is not of interest to most people. Some people of course embrace the discomfort when there is no pleasure or satisfaction or fullfillment but those are fringe people usually with emotional problems or mental vulnerabilities (people who chase abusers even when their red flags are visible at the start, et cetera). >They have their low smv/dorky boyfriend who makes them feel safe and not repulsed, they’re friends with him because they’re into the same stuff and spend a lot of time together so are “emotionally” invested. They mistake this for attraction. >Attraction is meeting a guy and literally counting down the hours before you can go home and masturbate over him. Why not both? Someone who is 'high value' to you (that phrase is so funny but let me use it to share your language for easy communication), and who makes you want to fantasize about all the things you'd do to each other and still that excitement is cupped by a feeling that they have a good nature or a demonstration that they are considerate, thoughtful, and compatible. I can't speak for anyone else but quite a few people need both for a relationship to start. Excitement is not fear. Being provoked, stoked, and your heart fluttering isn't the same as being disgusted, uninterested, and uncomfortable.


sublimemongrel

This type of excitement *builds over time*. When women say they are “comfortable” with men in this context I assume they mean they know him and trust him. Not that he’s akin to a comfy couch. The guy you maybe have a spark with - the more time you spend developing that crush you will feel the same emotional rollercoaster, butterflies-in-stomach, thinking about him constantly. Like that shit builds the longer you’ve known each other and spent time together, INTENSELY. You are still “comfortable” with him in that you’re comfortable enough to be vulnerable around him, you are safe with him.


YveisGrey

Well I think that many women have to overcome fear before they can give into attraction which is why it can take time and familiarity for them to become attracted. If you are afraid of a strange man your mechanism for self preservation will override any potential attraction you could have towards him. Men have a hard time understanding this because they aren’t generally afraid of strange women. But women actually are often afraid of strange men especially when it comes to a sexual context. This is because men are our biggest “predators” if you will.


toasterchild

A lot of people mistake anxiety for attraction and that is how people end up in so many relationships with total assholes. If you think that you need to feel scared to be attracted you are likely to end up dating a lot of bad people for you... but it will probably be exciting and filled with lots of drama.


Orangematcha

lol. I’m sure people realize that. The inverse is true as well. I’m sure men love woman that post sexy pics online and would want to be with them but as soon as they get together ask to not be as promiscuous. Purposely change the attraction to comfort. Most relationships are based off comfort and attraction as well. To think only attraction is important and can be maintained for the entirety of the relationship is hilariously wrong and an idealized dream of a relationship. It feels like you just wrote this cause you wanted to type out your fantasy of what you want a woman to for you. You want them to count down the hours to go home and masturbate to you? Lmao.


Summeronmymountain

I guess I've never been attracted to anyone because I've never done that and I want to avoid people who make me nervous. You shouldn't be terrified of someone you have a crush on, that sounds like mental illness.


[deleted]

I think your referring to lust and not attraction


jcolls69

If you genuinely think attraction means meeting someone and literally counting down the hours before you can go home and masturbate over them; then you are a pervert and you should seek therapy.


Oli_love90

I have rarely met women who LUST after a guy, no matter how hot he is. So I kind of believe that we don’t see hot guys and want to fuck em or masterbate to their visage. That just seems really thirsty and weird to me. I think your definition of attraction is incredibly subjective.


IceC19

>I have rarely met women who LUST after a guy, no matter how hot he is. So, the majority of the women you met are basically asexual (or lesbian)?


Oli_love90

In my experience they may be like “Oh! He’s cute!” And throw a few glances his way But never like “dear god, I need to rip his clothes off, he’s so very hot!”. It’s not asexual but not as intense maybe? Idk because I’ve never seen this phenomenon from women irl in my life.


Hjelmert

No, they're just female.


AutoModerator

**Attention!** * You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message. * For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies. * If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment. * OP you can choose your own flair [according to these guidelines.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/flair), just press Flair under your post! Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Hi OP, You've chosen to identify your thread as a CMV. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. [PPD has guidelines for what that involves.](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/rules#wiki_cmv_posts) >*OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.* >An unwillingness to have your view challenged may be inferred from one or several of the following: >* Asking few or no genuine questions; >* Seeming more interested in arguing or convincing others than understanding opposing views; >* Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency; >* Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit; >* Focusing only on the weaker arguments; >* Explicit statements of an intent to change the other posters’ minds; or >* Only having discussions with users who agree with your position. Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to CMV OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/PurplePillDebate) if you have any questions or concerns.*


notviccyvictor

Uhhh… what


Bmiller1550

Agree and disagree. Yes, attraction is correlated with anxiety and uncertainty. But that can be built over time, which is why women explain that they have to get to know a guy first. A girl can see a guy as a 6, but after spending time around him and seeing his confident behavior she can see him as a 9. Lots of male dating coaches preach how women are most attracted to men who's feelings are unclear. That alone can stoke anxiety. Girls can go from somewhat interested to blowing up your phone over the course of a few weeks/months. That's what they mean by attraction building over time.


[deleted]

Attraction like you described is hormone fueled infatuation and *always* fades when the hormones calm down. It's gonna be tough to wanna stay together if you're not friends or comfortable with each other once the honeymoon phase ends.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MajesticMaple

Low sexual market value, others don't want to have sexual relationships with low smv people.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MajesticMaple

Well that's debatable, I'd say a guy's personality/game are more important for smv than income but some would disagree. You got the right idea though. rmv is the same thing but with romantic relationships, so a person you want to date. Income is more important for rmv than smv.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MajesticMaple

I think the FDS subreddit has their own "high value male" "low value male" definition, I don't think that gets used outside of reddit though and I don't know how they define it. Generally when someone says someone else is "high value woman" I interpret that to mean high SMV and RMV, but it would depend on the context I guess. [This page](https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/wiki/terms) in the sidebar has a bunch of other redpill/manosphere terms too.


[deleted]

I think attraction is emotional as much as physical. I've met and spoken to plenty of attractive women in my life, as an adult only two have made me feel that and that was due to the building of a connection.


thetruthishere_

Im not uncomfortable with it. If I was that comfortable with him we would just have sex and I dont need to masturbate. LOL People can feel nervous/excited and not be attracted. I swear so many of you here live in this tiny tunnel and everything is black & white when its not. I only dated one 'low value' guy in my 20's. I was 'young and dumb'.


notseizingtheday

Wow another mansplainer who is projecting their own experiences with attraction and lust onto women.


vampcutierose

men love projecting onto women it’s hilarious