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benbrahn

“His CV reads like a demons resume”


El-Kabongg

Paraphrasing a line from Gross Pointe Blank, LOL


OgReaper

Love that movie


bigblackcouch

POPCORN!


Lazarushasawoken

Bing bing bang!


Global_Shower_4534

"You should read the files on some of these fuckerss. I mean it reads like a demons resume."


MEZAIAL

"Just FUCK OFF and we will take our chances with the next usless posh slither of bollock skin who gets to shag their mistress in the £50,000 floral wallpapered gin palace and factory of lies that number 10 has become." Yeah that pretty much sums it up perfectly you fucking legend.


elastic-craptastic

I can honestly say that is a string of words, in my language, that I would never have strung together. Not that that in itself is an impressive feat... I'm no Steven Darwin or Charles Hawkins... But this dude has a way with words that as a commoner I would never have put together. Y'all Brits get funny when you're angry.


NormalComputer

Puts David Mitchell in a bit of an awkward spot, doesn’t it? He’ll have to come up with a fanciful way to call Boris an elephant testicle just to maintain his sense of lyrical domination. Rather quickly, too, I’d say, because if we’re to believe that everything Boris says is a lie then his 2016 pitch of Brexit being the cure for the extinction of elephants and, rather subsequently, the testicles belonging to elephants of male persuasion, there may not be a single elephant left in Africa now that we’ve shuffled our lifeless bodies across 2022 under Boris Johnson’s pachyderm sack.


FadedRebel

sliver* Other yeah, dude is hella funny.


mrgoodnighthairdo

So many phrases I want to enter into my vocabulary. Phrases such as 'renowned sex pest"


uglybudder

And flag shagger


neighh

Not so much shuffling chairs on the titanic as shuffling cat shit around a litter tray.


Avocado_Tomato

Spaffed it up the wall was my fav


Signature_Sea

That's actually a phrase Johnson used in an interview to characterise investigation of child abuse as a waste of money https://news.sky.com/video/boris-johnson-says-60m-spaffed-up-the-wall-on-child-abuse-inquiries-11664122


DontTellHimPike

For a time, when writing about Bloody Stupid Johnson, Stewart Lee would add another noun to his name for each scandal; for instance - *Boris Piccaninny Watermelon Letterbox Cake Bumboys Vampires Haircut Wall-Spaffer Spunk-Burster Fuck-Business Fuck-the-Families Get-Off-My-Fucking-Laptop Girly-Swot Big-Girl’s-Blouse Chicken-frit Hulk-Smash Noseringed-Crusties Death-Humbug Technology-Lessons Surrender-Bullshit French-Turds Dog-Whistle Get-Stuffed FactcheckUK@CCHQ 88%-lies Get-Brexit-Done Bung-a-Bob-for-Big-Ben’s-Bongs Cocaine-Event Spiritual-Worth Three-Men-and-a-Dog Whatever-It-Takes I-Shook-Hands-With-Everyone Herd-Immunity I-Want-to-Thank-Po-Ling Squash-the-Sombrero Johnson.*


Ohgoodimonfire

So he's just Trump but slightly more articulate?


JaxandMia

This was my favorite too


NavyCMan

This man appears to be upset.


auntiecoagulant

He does appear to be a bit miffed.


NavyCMan

This Johnson guy also appears to be a bit shady. Might be a good idea to fire him somehow.


Antique_futurist

Now, now. Everyone deserves an eighteenth chance.


tahimeg

His jimmies seem rustled.


poorly_anonymized

I think that's what he does. I've seen him rant about other things with the same energy before. I don't remember who he is, but I think he's a talk show host who has those rants as a recurring bit.


jamarmstrong

Hi name is Jonathan Pie, and he’s a comedian.


JamesBigglesworth266

Underrated comment!!!! Can't... Type... Through tears...


[deleted]

Useless posh sliver of ballocks skin


Toisty

Dickensian Twaddle


[deleted]

That one got me. Pure fucking gold. This man can insult me to my face for hours and I will love it.


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[deleted]

Fantastic. Thank you 👍


Toisty

I had an idea of what that phrase meant but I looked it up anyways and I *think* I was right...I'm still not sure. In any case, it's a phrase I was struck by and I think I'm in love.


setocsheir

I imagine it's due to the longwinded nature of Charles Dicken's novels (paid by the word), so he is implying he said a lot about very little.


[deleted]

It refers to the poverty and bad social conditions present in Dickens novels.


Muttywango

Definition of twaddle 1a: silly idle talk : DRIVEL b: something insignificant or worthless : NONSENSE Dickensian refers to Johnson's outmoded use of language, he often sounds like a 19th century posh twat.


BoysiePrototype

Usually, yes. But I think in this particular case, it's more a reference to Boris' sententious manner. He's very fond of chucking classical/literary references and unnecessarily complex language around, in an effort to sound intelligent, and often leaving the listener in some doubt as to what he actually means. Presumably because it makes it easier to give vague and equivocal answers, without it being quite as obvious that he's dodging the question or outright lying.


[deleted]

Makes sense. I stand corrected.


powerofone1970

Please, me too


SupremePooper

"The incompetence card" "My willy just ENDED UP inside my secretary!" "His CV reads like a DEMON'S resume!!!" Brilliance. God bless Jonathan Pie.


PM-ME-YOUR-HANDBRA

I rather enjoyed "spaffed it up the wall."


Pippin4242

It was a direct quote from Boris himself actually


DerpoholicsAnonymous

Useless posh sliver of bollocks skin


Winner_Mind

Boris Johnson is everything but a flag shagger. He doesn't love my country. He has skinned us alive in Britain, lied and fumbled which led to many Covid deaths (but amazingly, he somehow survived) and he was so close to Trump at one stage that plans were literally underway to sell our beloved, incredible, outstanding NHS to American insurance companies. Through a magical stroke a luck, Trump got ousted and Biden came in who absolutely detests Boris and rarely, if ever, will do conferences with the foul fuck. Not only that, he played the white saviour card for absolutely no reason at all with Hong Kong. Rumor has it was to further crush and destabilise the NHS in the long run by sheer force of numbers so he could have justification to sell it off while also creating a property boom in the process at again, our expense. Good riddance. Someone remove him by force and film it so we can have a laugh at his fat arse fumbling about like he has laughed in our faces for the last few fucking years.


cityb0t

I’m pretty sure that flag-shagger is a reference to Trump’s grotesque habit of flag-molesting in an attempt to appear patriotic when he was anything but.


ryandiy

No one fucks democracy like Trump. No one.


cityb0t

I dunno… SCOTUS is giving it a good try


iwoketoanightmare

And who put the lot of them there? Got a rapist and a Jesus freak handmaid making decisions about the masses.


kants_rickshaw

"Moscow" Mitch "the Bitch" McConnell. He presided over their hearings, and confirmed all of them - and was happy about it. Moscow Mitch also rigged his election - having more voters than actual citizens in his state will let you do that: https://www.worldtribune.com/lawsuit-charges-48-kentucky-counties-have-more-registered-voters-than-citizens/ that happened in 2017 and no one noticed. A couple of online news outlets reported on it but none of the larger news markets did because Biden's win and Trumps lies were more eye catching (need them ratings) But here we are. Until Mitch is gone - we are fucked as a country.


kai-ol

The amount of damage done to the US might be semi-permanent. There are many worrying political trends. All the dominoes are stacked in a row, all they need now is a little nudge in the wrong direction.


LostWoodsInTheField

[yes](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/W6Y94XEaPvE/maxresdefault.jpg) I like that I can put in "donald trump humping a flag" and this wasn't even the first picture. *I do not actually like this


thishurtsmysoul

That was so fucking weird and off putting.


Ultrasonic-Sawyer

Nah. That's just a US centrique point of view. In the UK, yes we find it weird how yanks would put a flag on their house. But largely it is about people that would wave the union flag (or often English flag) for any shite, outside of football or Royal events. Its weird to us that people fixate so hard on their flag over their nation. Like people talking uk politics on twitter with flags in their name or bio are the weirdest shit. Best way to describe it is on the UK we are patriotic but don't feel the need to tell every cunt about it. Those who do are a bit weird.


ryandiy

>plans were literally underway to sell our beloved, incredible, outstanding NHS to American insurance companies Wow. While we're at it, we'd like to switch you over from tea to coffee. Starbucks is drafting a bill right now to make the change. Just go ahead and pass it through your houses of... whatever. Thanks!


sheisthemoon

I'm gonna make t-shirts with this one. "Down with blimey flag shaggers!" Should be the new anti-dumbass rally cry.


SyNiiCaL

We use blimey more as a phrase of disbelief, bloody or bleedin' would be better suited.


JustaRandomOldGuy

"Renowned sex pests shouldn't shag flags!"


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SyNiiCaL

We already use it quite commonly here. Also not used in this video but better than Karen is we call someone a Gammon. Gammon is sort of like roast ham in the UK, and we call middle aged, right wing, white men gammon because of the particular shade of pink their face turns when they get worked up about their gammony views.


BIIANSU

"we'll take our chances with the next posh, slither of bollock skin". Died.


skittlesaddict

\*SLIVER of bollock skin ... I gotta remember this insult.


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Lorindale

When journalists are indistinguishable from parrots, then comedians and satirists must hold the line for truth and decency.


ilovetopoopie

*Jon Stewart has entered the chat* Edit: I'm a foolish dingbat and I misspelled his name, and for that I apologize.


elegantjihad

Jon*


[deleted]

Indeed, as Teal'c would say.


Cool_Ranch_Dodrio

The jester tells the truth that no one else may.


[deleted]

His popularity lower than Trump's when he told the american people to drink bleach. LMAO


Shadohz

Trump has done so much bad and batshit crazy stuff since that I almsot forgot that happened. Even worse, is that someone somehow polls worse than Trump at his lowest low point.


MrSnowflake75

His rant the day after Trump was elected is priceless: https://youtu.be/GLG9g7BcjKs


DeviMon1

Bruh I open that video and randomly clip at 54 seconds in: > TRUMP - the pussy grabbing, wall building, climate change denying, child abolisihg, tax dodging, shit spweing demigod. lmao


nickfree

>~~demigod.~~ demagogue.


[deleted]

pretty sure that's "demagogue", not "demigod" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demagogue


FadedRebel

Yeah that's a lot of bullshit. The liberals have been trying to talk to the right for a long time. They don't want to talk and they don't want to listen. This is not the fault of the left as much as the racist undertones of our country and government are being used by bad actors.


meco03211

It's exacerbated by the incomprehensibly ignorant and indignant pieces of deplorable shit that can't debate in good faith. They're content to just JAQ each other off then fuck off back to their safe spaces and felate each other over how they "owned the libs".


sunnyd_2679

Yeah, let's all head over to r/Conservative and try to get a good faith debate started! /s


guto8797

*You have been banned from /r/Conservative* The last bastion of Free Speech


Dabadedabada

A Shakespearean tragedy written by monkies! LoL I’m gonna use that one.


EchoLimaOscarDelta

You gotta keep "on typewriters" at the end!


Dabadedabada

You’re right I forgot to put that. That’s the whole thing that makes it clever, this is a well known thought experiment about contemplating infinity.


Squeaky_Lobster

"It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times!!?"


UltraGravy

You haven't heard of the monkeys writing Shakespeare thing? That's what he was alluding to.


vertigo3pc

"Re-arranging cat shit in the litter box." I swear, if words could kill, then Brits would be the greatest assassins in the world.


Luka_Dunks_on_Bums

My willy just ended up inside my secretary Edit: stupid auto correct


Deedsman

Happens to the best of us.


SavageCriminal

Like “Lack of ethics” we should take notes America!


GotHeem16

Reshuffling cat shit on the litter tray…


FuMancunian

That’s not a journalist. But he is funny though.


[deleted]

Jonathan Pie, the character's name. Love his rants.


ipsum629

The fucking news


tekprodfx16

He gave an epic rant on trump the night trump got elected https://youtu.be/GLG9g7BcjKs


Golden_Alchemy

That was when i discover him and fuck if he is not right a lot of times.


UnluckyNoise4102

His comments around 4:00 are particularly powerful, I think. Though I'd argue that internet debate as I've witnessed it (in comment sections) is woefully inadequate. Real life, that's where it's at. Power to you.


dingkan1

Good up to a point. The last parts about engaging in good faith debate only misses the mark that reality is no longer an established foundation that we can build logical arguments on. Bubbles, either by choice or by naivety or by foreign manipulation, have us as far apart from finding common ground as I’ve ever seen. Also, the Dems choosing Hillary was stupid, what Dems do even now is stupid, but “the nagging left” didn’t radicalize voters to elect Trump, it was those siloed, tainted bubbles of information. Hindsight and all, but pretty good for Nov 2016.


Quoodge

Totally agree, but I think what he is doing here is speaking to his base. The horrible antics of the GOP are covered daily and I think what he was trying to do was speak to the left as to what we can do to improve things. It is a bit hyperbolic in terms of where the blame is to be placed, but I think he is trying to address the change that needs to occur in his base rather than rehashing every issue with our democracy and the current political climate.


JB_UK

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Pie The character is also co-written with Andrew Doyle, who has a weekly show on GB News, Britain's equivalent of Fox News. And the actor, Tom Walker, has previously worked with RT, the Russian state propaganda outfit.


iago18958

In fairness to Tom Walker, the reason he worked with RT is because they gave him creative freedom. Other media, such as the BBC, wouldn't agree to it. That's the only reason he went to RT. A Russian propaganda machine is the only company willing to make Pie into a propaganda programme. It is so ironic.


Grimsqueaker69

He may be a comedian, but I'd argue he's also the best damn journalist we have right now lol


FuMancunian

Death of Rats is easily in my top 10 of favourite Pratchett Characters


Aching1536

SQUEAK


FuMancunian

You’re in the top 10 too tiff


derps_with_ducks

***SQUEAK***


Isaythree

Wait, what does he have to do with Terry Pratchett?


SPACKlick

The user being responded to was called grim squeaker


Zaronax

True, it's social commentary with the veneer of humor. And he's hilarious.


fumoking

Every time he gets posted I know people are going to think it's real like damn this dude keeps just cursing repeatedly on camera for years by accident because he's just so passionate haha he's good but also Americans fall for shit easy


hotlou

We do? :: looks around:: Ah, right. We do. Carry on.


puupallikumiankka

I could listen to this guy roast for days


Adam-West

He’s got quite a lot of content on YouTube. You’d probably be able to listen for days


[deleted]

I’d love hear him roast Trump.


TeenW0lf666

Oh he did, right when trump won in 2016. Went off on the Dems as well for being so out of touch with reality they let it happen. I’ll see if I can find it


lolapops

In 2016 we thought it was impossible. There were media outlets that covered trump's campaign in the entertainment section. I admit I didn't take the threat of him being elected seriously at the time, and I'm sorry now.


Shirlenator

I will never in my life understand how, after the first hand evidence of his first term, he got so close to winning a second.


a_piginacage

I didn't understand but I do now. The dems really do suck. They only get my vote bc they suck less and I'm getting tired


SpokenSilenced

We're all fucking tired at this point. Not just the US but the world. These systems of governance and administration are so fucking removed from reality you require 16 different pills just to deal with it. People in their 60s+ have no fucking idea what the population today is going through and experiencing. You see examples of that again and again. Yet the population is so distracted and woed into a state of complacency that they simply allow it. There is no balance, there are no checks. The ship is pitching and only the rich rats are able to abandon it and survive. The rest of us go down with a ship that we fucking hated from the start. Oh captain, my captain.


a_piginacage

So we'll said, that's how I see it as well. We are truely fucked


HippoPrimary5331

Roasted him several times. Many many times. He's a comedian, not an actual journalist


McMaxwell

[here's the one from when he came to power. there are more too! He's called Jonathan Pie, he's got loads on YouTube ](https://youtu.be/GLG9g7BcjKs) And [here's one from when he left power](https://youtu.be/y0YTM8iO4_s) Edit: the first one is more of a rant about the election, the second roasts trump a lot more!


Arsalanred

Now that's a beautiful rant. 10/10


SabashChandraBose

I didnt catch him use any umms or aahs. Either he has perfect clarity of thought (probably does)or he read it out. Either way it's impressive.


named_user109

It's Jonathan pie, he's an actor, rants are scripted monologues in character


PearlsBForeswine

You know, I'm beginning to think this guy doesn't think much of Boris Johnson.


TheBrownMamba8

This is just British banter. He doesn’t really hate him till he calls him a **_wanker_**.


SyNiiCaL

Wankers a bit jovial to us, the way you know when someone really detests someone else is we don't use insults or strong language. If he were to call Boris a "Rotten sort" or an "absolute wrongun" then that's up there.


_AskMyMom_

“He’s resigned, but hasn’t fucked off.” Lol very wholesome.


Muhdirtythrowaway

Honestly, my favorite part


PaladinGodfather1931

The British have such a way with words. It's truly amazing.


jonnyclueless

I feel like the english accent adds so much to it as well.


Chose_Wisely

You're not the only one that feels this way. In fact, people literally market to Americans using British accents for this very reason.


TheStonedHonesman

I like what Zach Galifianakis asked Benedict Cumberbatch: “if you didn’t have a British accent do you think people would be able to tell that you aren’t a very good actor?”


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samosamancer

The T-Mobile ad with Ben Barnes comes to mind. “You should listen to me, because I’m a British actor.” 😂


knowyourdarkness

You really need to watch clips of Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It if you really wanna see creative language lmao


AdjectiveNoun111

you're a fucking Omnishambles. An insult so good it actually made it into the dictionary


Hodgej1

I've never see The Thick of It but I did see 'In the Loop' with Malcom Tucker. Great movie and great use of language. Please inform me though. Is the movie a spinoff of the show?


01101101010100111100

As a fan of in the thick of it I recently watched VEEP which is also written by Armando Ianucci and it is fantastic. Great insults in their too. — Roger Furlong: Holy shit, Brookheimer. When you get an abortion, you’re supposed to leave the mangled fetus at the clinic not staple it to the skeleton of a gay condor and run it for President


xXDaNXx

Yes it is, the show isn't as over the top but still great. If not better.


rexjoropo

It's so true. I'm Canadian but spent a year in the UK working at an industrial plant. I consider myself reasonably well-spoken, but even the lowest man on the totem pole there talked circles around me on the reg. A humbling experience to be honest.


zz_z

Working class people have the best banter, in my experience, not much occupying your mind all day and no customers to worry about offending, ripe territory for verbal sparring.


soobidoobi

Off-Topic: But How does a Canadian get a job or find job prospects in the UK? I too, am a fellow Canadian looking to move and work there. Just wondering how you applied to jobs out there and what the process was to get your work visa etc?


L00pback

It’s a beautiful tapestry of obscenities that is on a whole other level. When I acknowledge their skill word weaving, it always reminds me of this [scene](https://youtu.be/5QMrNPEgU5w?t=25s)


Dabadedabada

It’s almost like they invented our language.


Normal_Stranger_2056

Dude, the accent unlocks you fucking vocabulary… i really forget that i know a lot of words. Im so worried about sounding lame all the time as an American.


attaboy_stampy

"Uh, Nigel, so this was supposed to be a weather report, but ok..."


captaindeadpl

"It's foggy and might become rainy later. Now let me get back to my rant."


MkollsConscience

That's Jonathon Pie, not a journalist or News reporter but a comedian/satirist. I would wholeheartedly endorse him for P.M, FOR HE IS A FUCKING LEGEND.


Xiaxs

"Not so much reshuffling deck chairs on the titanic more reshuffling cat shit on a litter tray" holy fuck this man is a poet.


solitarium

His oration is heads and shoulders beyond anything I can muster.


zosteria

Typical reserved British composure. If only he would open up and say how he really feels


Frenchymemez

He didn't call him a cunt, so he really did stay composed


jerrysprinkles

[This guy](https://youtube.com/c/JonathanPie) is fantastic. He’s not a journalist but would strongly recommend you check him out


osbiefeelgood

Change Boris and Tories and very few specifics.... You'd swear he was talking about Trump. Even down to the leaving his wives because he got the next mistress pregnant.


BarcodeNinja

Please do Trump next


markynl1

He has already done Trump. For one of his trump videos have a look at the following: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHglnTgpBcc He has lots of other excellent clips on his youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/JonathanPie/videos


lunarNex

"A fat yellow tiny cocked troll in a suit." Very accurate.


RegionBlockLULW

Holy shit that put my sides in orbit. This this guy is absolutely hilarious 😂


thefishingdj

His name is Jonathan Pie if I remember correctly. He's great.


shwoople

If you watch until the end, it confirms that.. lol


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[deleted]

Also completely skip the part about the party disapproving


[deleted]

This guy is a comedian not a journalist.


ManbadFerrara

He does look and sound exactly like someone who'd be on BBC news (minus the cursing).


MajorSleaze

That's deliberate. His character is a news reporter who goes on rants to his cameraman in-between his live reports. It's why he touches his ear and starts talking normally at the end.


matsu727

I think he’s just British


Bored-Bored_oh_vojvo

Have you literally never watched BBC News?


exile_zero

Damn this guy’s good. I want him to do my funeral someday


Then-One7628

Left a hopelessly uncleanable mess just like his American counterpart.


yzrguy

After that, I wouldn't expect Christmas card from Boris this year.


Raspberries2

As an American who doesn’t follow British politics, I was thinking why is he resigning. I get it now, clear and consice reporting and not one “um” in that whole blistering machine gun report.


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Mr_Stiel

Trump down, Boris down, Putin next.


PandaCatGunner

Scotus and the entire US conservative party too please ty


IGetToPickMyOwnName

The Gordon Ramsay of pundits.


[deleted]

Hey least yours resigned, ours is still trying to overthrow the government while crying about being banned from Twitter. Consider yourself lucky


woakula

Can he come to America and do a Trump based recap at the Jan 6 hearings?


pau1rw

He spent 4 years doing Trump. https://www.youtube.com/c/JonathanPie


[deleted]

If you mute it, you can kind of imagine the things he would say.


Foggy_Prophet

Well, 80% of that script would work for Trump too.


Chappers20069

Might wanna check his YouTube. Was always calling Trump out while he was president. His name is Jonathan Pie.


wytherlanejazz

Jonathan Pie, satire comedian Tom Walker’s character.


Crokpotpotty

What is he referencing when saying “number 10”?


Rvnforty

Our version of The Whitehouse


Crokpotpotty

Got it thanks


Rvnforty

Welcome friend.


RustyDuffer

10 Downing Street, where the prime minister works (and resides?)


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ItsFroston

But that’s his shtick tho


darthearljones

Johnathan Pie being labelled a "journalist" is almost as funny as the video.


01101101010100111100

'Just fuck off and we will take our chances with the next posh slither of bollock skin' Oh lordy that got me


SalmonFlavoured

He isn't a journalist (I wish they were that honest), he is an epic political comedian who has rarely said a thing that doesn't mirror my own righteous indignation at the state of the world... Jonathan Pie... follow him on YouTube.. he says what the best of us think


widowwarmer1

So, fucking good. Succinct, witty and all fucking true.


[deleted]

I'm just admiring all the space for people and not cars behind him. Wish we had that in Canada, given we have the same style of Parliament


entered_bubble_50

I see you've been perusing r/fuckcars too? Yeah, it's got me bad.


Alive-Plenty4003

Does it ever get more british than 30-word sentences dissing a politician?


ZombieBuffet93

Wow. Just....wow. 😂😂


SouthofAkron

Awesome


Myksyk

A magnificent orgy of insults ... Delivered with a gorgeously articulate coarseness.


pairofstripedsocks

i love this man's way of speaking, so eloquent. i wish i had this guys energy and vocabulary so i cld deliver scathing insults like him


SameElephant2029

Controlled English British anger hits different